04x32 & 02x23 - Live and Let Drive; No More Bunny Business

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Phineas and Ferb". Aired: August 2007 to November 2015.*
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Stepbrothers adventures during their summer vacation.
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04x32 & 02x23 - Live and Let Drive; No More Bunny Business

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ There's a hundred and
four days of summer vacation ♪


♪ and school comes
along just to end it ♪


♪ So the annual problem
for our generation ♪


♪ is finding a good way to spend it ♪

♪ Like maybe ♪

♪ Building a rocket,
or fighting a mummy ♪


♪ or climbing up the Eiffel Tower ♪

♪ Discovering something
that doesn't exist ♪


Hey!

♪ Or giving a monkey a shower ♪

♪ Surfing tidal waves ♪

♪ Creating nano-bots or
locating Frankenstein's brain ♪


It's over here!

♪ Finding a dodo bird
Painting a continent ♪


♪ Or driving our sister insane ♪

Phineas!

♪ As you can see, there's
a whole lot of stuff to do ♪


♪ before school starts this fall ♪

Come on, Perry.

♪ So stick with us, 'cause
Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all! ♪


♪ So stick with us, 'cause Phineas
and Ferb are gonna do it all! ♪


Mom, Phineas and Ferb
are making a title sequence!

Announcer: Welcome to the th annual

Montevillebad Grand Prix
pre race show.


End it, darling, it's starting! {*}

Coming to you, of course, from the
coast of glamorous Montevillebad.


A name that translates roughly as

"mountain village bath" in a
variety of european languages!


Seven hours of racing jargon and
mindless statistics, here we come!

Ooh! Snacks!

Mmm-hmm. And they
are race-themed.

Well, wroom-wroom.

And there's our pole-sitter, international
racing legend Paolo Vanderbeek.


A household name. Born
in the Scottish enclave


of a Swiss town in the
Italian alps to Dutch parents.


Not only a king among drivers,

Paolo Vanderbeek is also
a beloved man of the people.


No one is more passionate about his
sport or cares more about his fans


than Paolo Vanderbeek, earning
him the name the "king of care."


♪ Gonna go get my bust on ♪

♪ gonna get, gonna get, gonna get

♪ baw-ba-baw-baw-baw
my bust on! ♪


How can you go outside
when it's grand prix day?

Uh, yeah, well, my pleather
jumpsuit is at the cleaners

- and I feel underdressed.
- Oh, that's understandable, then.

- Uh, she was being facetious, dear.
- Oh, I see.

Well, doesn't look like
there's anything bustable going on yet.

- I guess I could k*ll a few.
- Give it a chance, Candace.

You might find it exciting.

Let's look at an incomprehensible
map of the race course, shall we?


Nigel: I can't make
heads or tails out of it. You?


Ian: Uh, no clue, but
no doubt it'll be exciting!


Oh, yeah, the excitement is k*lling me.

Seems like a good time
to wonder where Perry is.

Greetings from Montevillebad, Agent P.

You'll be joining us here for your
mission, but the lines aren't secure.


So, we'll give you the
details when you get here.


And to get you here in style,

we've provided you with a
vintage Olson Martin!


So I'll see you after the wipe.

Hello, again, Agent P! International
intel's indicated that Doofenshmirtz


is planning to sabotage Paolo Vanderbeek
and enter the grand prix himself.


So, we need you to find out
what Doof is up to while Carl and I


keep an eye on Vanderbeek
here at the race track, incognito.


Nifty disguise, huh? Gives me a
continental look, don't you think?


Anyway, Doofenshmirtz is at the
casino at L'hotel Uber-Swank.


Chorus: # Doofenshmirtz at a casino! #

Male croupier: Monsieur in the
lab coat and bow tie wins again.


Man, I am on a roll!

Stupid game. I'll never play it again.

Ah, never say never! Who's next?

Oh, a mysterious platypus
to take my challenge!

Okay, I'll go first!

Male croupier: Jeux de morpion!
Monsieur Platypus in a tuxedo wins.


What? Monsieur, there are no
pets allowed in the casino.


What?
He's not my mysterious platypus.


I didn't bring him in here. I'm just...

Oh, oh, oh, you mean the cat?
Yeah, my bad.

Look at all those cars in a line.

Nigel: The collective amount of
horsepower is absolutely staggering.


And so [coughing] are the exhaust fumes.

You realize this is just a
bunch of cars parked in a line?

Both: Yes! Yes, we do.

[music]

[chitters]

[gasps] The mysterious
platypus from the casino!

Perry the mysterious
platypus from the casino?


Bet you're tired of
standing around, aren't you?

See tires!
I thought it apropos.


You know, this being
the grand prix and all.

Wait till you see my new lair.

Not too shabby.

- Hey, Norm, I'm back!
- Look what I found!

Metal teeth!

[scoffs] You've always
had metal teeth, Norm.

Yes, but these are sharp.

What does that matter?
You can't open your mouth.


Here, grab Perry the platypus.
Isn't this place fabulous?


I found it through an
international lair exchange website.


It's even got its own rocket.

You know, I think I might've
gotten the better end of this deal.

[groans]

Anyway, you gonna love it,

I was so impressed, I
commissioned a whole new jingle!

♪ Doofenshmirtz'
swanky new evil lair! ♪


Yeah, it's swanky!

♪ it's an even swap ♪

♪ a variation on a timeshare ♪

♪ he can use the kitchen
and the hallway closet ♪


♪ don't touch the rocket ♪

♪ or you'll lose your deposit ♪

♪ it's an old school
evil hideout vacation swap ♪


♪ it's an elegant lair
with spectacular views ♪


♪ but the carpets are white
so please take off your shoes ♪


♪ the wiring is new ♪

♪ so you won't blow an electrical fuse ♪

♪ it's a swanky new
evil hideout vacation ♪


♪ an old school evil hideout vacation ♪

♪ yes, it's Doofenshmirtz's
evil hideout vacation swap ♪


Yeah, look at these swanky moves!

♪ vacation swap ♪

Thanks, Cheryl.
My real estate agent.

So, my evil plan.

As you may know, the
Montevillebad Grand Prix

is a goodwill event, with
all the prize money awarded

to the winner's favorite charity.

So I entered the race
for my favorite charity,

Doofenshmirtz Evil
Incorporated, namely me.

I'm the Doofenshmirtz
in Doofenshmirtz Evil...

[stutters] you get it.
And check it out!

I re-engineered my Buhmshlaka i
to meet the grand prix specs.

I also added some extras that
should take care of, like,

% of the playing field.

There's still that %, Paolo Vanderbeek.

But, uh, I got something
else to take care of him.

Behold!
My I-don't-care-inator!

It's not that I don't care, it
creates apathy in whoever it hits.

It's a little esoteric,
I know, but trust me, it'll work.

I'll just zap Paolo with this baby,
and suddenly he won't care

about anything, and, uh,
least of all racing.

I'll turn the "king of care"
into the "king of I couldn't care less."

Which will pave the way
for me to win the race

and the prize money
for my favorite charity,

which I think I said before is me.

Now, before I go,
lest you try to escape,

I'll show you one more
feature of this place.

Look, it's got its own shark t*nk!

[chuckling]

Okay, then, I'm off to the races.

Literally. Hasta la pasta, baby.

Adrian: Welcome back, racing fans,
to the Montevillebad Grand Prix!


And the teams are making the final
preparations before the start of the race.


Including our favorite,
Paolo Vanderbeek.


Nigel: Just look at the amazing
amount of care and attention


he pays to his fans and his car.

Listen to those fans, Paolo!
They love you.

[grunting]
Eh, who cares?

Adrian: What's this? Paolo
is walking away from the pit.


Nigel: And the race!

[chuckling] What a sh*t!
Norm, set me down next

to the registration booth
and you go get the car ready.


Roger, wilco, sir.

[all screaming]

Adrian: Wait a second, there
seems to be a last minute entry.


A Heinz Doofen... Doofen...

[mumbles] I'm hopeless
with Drusselsteinian names.


Hand that over, mate. Let's see.
Dorkenshmitz?


Doofen... Doofenshmun...
Doofenshmuntz?


No, that's utterly ridiculous.

Adrian: Whatever his name is, he's
no Vanderbeek, that's for sure.


Nigel: There's the flag.
And they're off!


Monogram: Psst! Agent P, over here.

Doof has sh*t Vanderbeek
with some kinda...

Oh, right, he probably monologued
his scheme to you already.

Anyhow, we need you to take
Vanderbeek's place in the race.

Get that inator and get back here
to reverse its effects so

Vanderbeek can finish the race
and defeat Doofenshmirtz.

Carl has been trying to convince
Vanderbeek to get back in the race

using his sophisticated
powers of persuasion.

Come on, pretty please? Pretty
please with a cherry on top?

- I'll be your best friend.
- Yeah, you better get going, Agent P.

You can use the disguise
setting on your Olson Martin.

Wow! The resemblance is uncanny.

Good luck, Agent P.

Nigel: What's this? Hello!

It looks like Paolo
Vanderbeek is back in the race!


Wow, this isn't nearly
as lame as I thought.

That's why our couch
cushions are worn so unevenly,

Because we're always on
the edge of our seats.

Doofenshmirtz: Let's see if I
can rub this guy the wrong way.


[chuckling]

Nice bumpin' into ya.

Or maybe it's time to
use a little elbow grease.

[tires squealing]

All right, smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Nigel: Approaching the Phillips
head turn, millimetrically perfect!


Adrian: Or . inches
perfect for backward people


who don't use the metric system.

Nigel: Dumpendork is gonna
have his work cut out for him


if he wants to stay in the lead.

Uh, Paolo Vanderbeek! He's back?

Eh, looks like I'm gonna have
to throw the works at him.

There ya go.

Nigel: I say, that is an
unprecedented amount of


- contact shunts and shenanigans.
- Adrian: Shenanigans?


Ian: You don't think there's
some sort of foul play afoot?


In grand prix racing?
Don't be ridiculous!


That kind of thing only
happens in cartoons.


Looks like somebody needs another
sh*t of the I-don't-care-inator!

Doofenshmirtz: Oh! That's mine!

Adrian: And that last contact has put Doofen...
[stammers] spinning across the course.


Nigel: And Vanderbeek is pulling
into the pits. What is wrong?


Come on, what are you,
chicken? [squawking]

Good work, Agent P!
Now we just need you to...

Oh, okay, yeah, you
got that covered too.


Bocce balls!
I cannot disappoint my fans!

Ian: Doifenshmoitz has
got himself going again


with the help of an extremely
large metal pit crew member.


This is without a doubt the
weirdest race I've ever seen.


Grazie tanto, little beaver duck guy!

[shouting in Italian]

Ian: And Paolo is back on the course.

Adrian: He'll have to
really put his foot in


if he wants to catch Doofenshmintz
by the end of the race.


[chuckling]

Not to make excuses, but sometimes
it's okay to be a little bit tacky.

Oh, maybe the tacks are
supposed to be in the back.

Adrian: Dirkens... splurtz has run
himself off the course completely!


[speaking French]

Nigel: And Vanderbeek
pushes past, just in time


to seize the checkered flag!
Well done!


All: Whoo-hoo-hoo!

- What an exciting finish!
- Go, Paolo! Go, Paolo!

That was awesome!

Huh, I guess they're
not doing anything today.

I am going to the mall and
picking up a pleather jumpsuit.


Okay, did I win?

Oh, wait, no!

Oh, curse you, Paolo Vanderbeek!

You know that just doesn't roll
of the time the way Perry the platypus, {*}

Perry the platypus, Perry the platypus.

And on that bombshell, we bid
farewell from glamorous Montevillebad.


♪ Doofenshmirtz' swanky new evil lair! ♪

Yeah, it's swanky!

♪ it's an even swap a
variation on a timeshare ♪


♪ you can use the kitchen
and the hallway closet ♪


♪ don't touch the rocket ♪

♪ or you'll lose your deposit ♪

♪ it's an old school evil
hideout vacation swap ♪
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