05x10 - An Expensive Glitch and a Goof-Off Room

Episode Transcripts for the TV show "Young Sheldon." Aired September 2017 - current.*
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It's 1989, Sheldon Cooper is nine years old, living in East Texas and going to high school after skipping 4 grade levels. Spin-off prequel to The Big Bang Theory
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05x10 - An Expensive Glitch and a Goof-Off Room

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on Young Sheldon...

So, there's a secret

back room at the laundromat

where you gamble?

Yeah. [chuckles]

And you never told me?

Well, this is how secrets work.

The cops shut me down.

Let's get this going again.

[machines chiming]

- What a haul, huh?
- Now what happens?

I take it home, pour it on the bed,

and just roll around in it. [chuckles]

ADULT SHELDON: From grade
school to high school,

every moment of the day

is accounted for.

- [bells ringing]
- From the morning bell to dismissal,

you knew where you were supposed to be,

what you were going to be learning,

and which poor excuse for a teacher

- you would have to correct.
- Ms. Ingram,

can I offer a suggestion?

- What?
- Never mind. You do it your way.

Yes, Sheldon?

I don't find that interesting.

Cooper? [sighs]

If you're going to ask us to run,

don't you think you
should lead by example?

ADULT SHELDON: None of this prepared me

for the gap-filled, Swiss cheese anarchy

of a college schedule.
Look at these poor saps.

Desperately trying to occupy
their time until the next class.

SHELDON: I smell your perfume.

So, what, pray tell, is today's problem?

I have a four-hour gap in my schedule.

How is that a problem?

According to the Oxford
English Dictionary,

it's a matter or situation
regarded as unwelcome

or harmful and needing to
be dealt with and overcome.

Fine, go hang out in the cafeteria.

I don't "hang."

Go to the library.

Too noisy.

Take a nap. Kids love those.

In a public place?

I'm sorry, is this Woodstock?

Sheldon, I'm not the one
who made your schedule.

No, but as the president
of the university,

you do have the power to
adjust the class times.

So, you expect me

to disrupt the schedule

of hundreds of students
for your convenience?

Finally, we're on the same page.

Sheldon, I have work to do,

and I'm sure that you can
solve this one on your own.

I suppose a nap might be refreshing.

What kind of lumbar support
does that couch have?

That's it. Come with me.

Here we are.

[chuckles]

What is this?

A dorm room, and it's all yours.

You can study, take naps,
do whatever you want.

No one's living here?

Well, we had an Indian exchange student,

but he developed a taste for barbecue,

so his parents made him go home.

Well, thank you for this.

You're welcome.

It's like I always say,

never underestimate the
power of complaining.

ADULT SHELDON: I've been
testing that theory for decades,

still works like gangbusters.

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

So, how we doing?

Not bad, but I still think
if you let me advertise,

we could get more people in here.

How do you advertise a place
that ain't exactly legal?

People love secrets. We
could get flyers that say,

"Come to our secret gambling room,

but, shh, don't tell anybody."

That's how I feel about your ideas,

"Shh, don't tell anybody."

[door opens]

Hey, y'all.

Hey, June.

Glad you finally came down.

This is so fun,

sneaking in through the back alley.

[chuckles] Y'all should
get a secret knock.

'Cause secrets are fun, right?

Absolutely.

Told you.

Go do your job.

So, how's this all work?

You play, you lose, you go
home smelling like cigarettes.

- You just described my love life.
- [laughs]

And if you're gonna
take naps in your dorm,

you might want an alarm clock.

And remember, no parties.

That was a joke.

And now I know.

Wait, he has a room here and at school?

Well, it's just for
downtime in between classes.

[sighs] Why is his life
constantly better than mine?

That's a question you
should get used to asking.

Don't be rude.

And you have a very nice life.

Yeah, yeah, loving
parents, blah, blah, blah.

Hey, you better appreciate what you got.

There's a lot of kids out there
who have way less than you.

I guess.

You have your own room.

I never had that growing up.

And then I was in the barracks,
and then I married your mother.

Dang. [chuckles]

Yeah. Tell me about it.

What happened to
appreciating what you have?

Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah.

Maybe we could give out punch cards,

like they do at the sandwich shop.

Punch cards for what?

You know, every ten times you come here,

you get a free play.

What's to keep people

from punching it themselves?

I'm getting me a free sandwich.

JUNE: Whoo-hoo!

- [laughing]
- [machine dinging]

Sounds like you're doing okay down here.

Oh, I'm doing better
than okay. I hit big.

Whoa.

$ , ?

That can't be right.

Well, I see two ones and three zeroes.

Last time I checked, that's , .

How did this happen?

I got three bananas,

and it asked me

if I wanted to parlay, and I said,

"Well, that sounds like
fun," so I hit that button,

and I went, "Whoo-hoo!" 'cause I won.

[laughs] This has got to be a glitch.

Go get a manual and-and-and
look up "glitch."

- We have a manual?
- Just find one.

- Is there a problem?
- No, of course not.

[chuckles]

That's okay. You don't have to pay me.

Of course I do. [chuckles]

Good. Then pay me. [chuckles]

- Found the manual.
- Great.

This is for the washing machines.

I'll be back.

Hello, Sam.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Well, I was gonna study

in my dorm, but there
was a sock on my door.

Oh, and you didn't want to touch it.

I understand completely.

Yeah, you really don't, but that's fine.

Well, I have a room here,

so you could study
with me if you'd like.

Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah.

That'd be great. [chuckles]

Why was there a sock on your door?

It's like a signal.

A signal for what?

A signal that I should
change the subject.

How are your classes going?

So well, thank you for asking.

- I didn't realize you lived on campus.
- I don't.

Then why do you have a dorm room?

So I have a place to go
during the gaps in my schedule.

Wait, you have a single?

Uh-huh.

And you don't even sleep here?

Well, sometimes I take naps,

but that mattress is lumpy-lumpy.

I live with two other
girls in a room this size.

You should've complained
to President Hagemeyer.

She was very accommodating.

Wait, there are two closets?

That's a bathroom.

Are you kidding me?

I share one with, like, other people.

That sounds yucky.

It is, Sheldon. It is very yucky.

However yucky you think
it is, it is yuckier.

Well, you're welcome to use mine.

Just squat over the seat, don't sit.

This is so unfair.

You get so much more
than every other student.

Fair isn't everyone
getting the same thing.

Fair is everyone getting
what they deserve.

Sheldon, that arrogant attitude

is why no one sits with you in class

or lunch or ever.

Well, I like to think
that they're maintaining

a respectful distance out
of deference to my intellect.

No. That's not what they're doing.

They're avoiding you because
you're an entitled brat

who thinks that you're
better than everybody else.

So, I should just pretend I'm
less intelligent than I am?

You should realize that there
are more important things

in life than how smart you are.

Well, I'm also cute as a button,

but it seems shallow to say it.

You could say it.

So, Georgie found the manual

and figured out what the problem was.

I know the problem. I cleaned you out.

Because when these
machines get unplugged,

they reset at the
highest possible payout.

Wow, sounds like your problem.

Well...

I don't have $ , .

I understand.

Thank you.

So, what are you gonna do about it?

Well, obviously, lunch is on me.

Oh, wow. The whole lunch?

Even the little frilly toothpicks?

What do you want me to do?

Make me a partner.

What?

No.

I already brought Georgie in,

I have to pay the police off,

I can't have another hand in the till.

Sounds like your problem again.

And then she said people avoid me

- because I'm arrogant and entitled.
- Hmm...

I don't even know why it bothers me.

Well, Sheldon, it's normal to care

what others in your
peer group think of you.

Why? It's not logical.

[sighs] Hear me out.

You see, humans

have evolved as social animals,

so your feeling hurt might
be a deep evolutionary desire

to cooperate with others

to ensure your survival.

So, you're saying it
makes sociobiological sense

to want other people to like me?

Yes, and you may even
get benefits from it.

It's like on that show
you enjoy, Star Track.

- Trek.
- Right.

Captain Kirk can't do it all by himself.

He needs Doctor Spock.

- Mister
- Right.

And Mister McCoy.

- Doctor.
- Right.

Well, technically, they were
his subordinate officers,

but Kirk did always deal with
them in a friendly manner,

so I take your point.

Good man.

I suppose I could treat
it like an experiment.

Run an analysis of the benefits
of having people like me.

That sounds like an idea the Captain,

the Doctor, or the
Mister would be proud of.

Excellent.

You know, you'd think
a smart fella like Spock

would have a doctorate.

Actually, Spock rejected an offer

from the Vulcan Science Academy
in order to attend Starfleet.

Huh. Not the choice I would have made,

but I'm happy for him.

How'd it go?

Terrible.

She wants to be a partner.

You really can't just pay
her? I thought you had money.

I used to. Now all I have is this.

Not all of it, some of it's mine.

Well, some of it's hers, too, now.

Well, is she a partner forever

or just until she gets her money back?

I don't know.

Seems like an important question to ask.

Well, I didn't ask it.

All this yelling can't be good

for your blood pressure.

You're right.

I think I'm just gonna step outside

and have a cigarette.

Smoking ain't any better.

Good. Perhaps the end is near.

Excuse me, Sam.

- What?
- How are you today?

- Since when do you care?
- : yesterday.

In light of the fact that
we're both human beings

and have a genetic interest
in each other's prosperity,

you may use my dorm room to study.

Wait, are you serious?
That would be amazing.

Good. And does that make you
feel more positive about me,

less positive, or neutral?

Um, more, I guess.

Excellent.

ADULT SHELDON: Dr. Sturgis

may have been onto something.

It did feel nice to be liked.

Not as nice as knowing

you're the smartest boy
in Texas, but what was?

Hey. Did I just hear you say

you have a dorm room
you're letting people use?

Yes. I'm letting Sam use it to study.

You think there's any
chance my girlfriend and I

could use it sometime?

You two study together?

We'd like to.

It's been a while.

Well, I use it during the day,

so it's only available at night.

Nights work for us.

Then it's all yours.

[chuckles] Thanks, man.

And how does this
make you feel about me?

More positive, less
positive, or neutral?

Really, really positive.

Great. Tell a friend.

All right.

I might have to draw up a schedule.


How's this?

Eh. Looks great.

What the hell is all this?

June brought in twinkle lights.

- Oh, did she?
- I thought it might

make things a little more festive.

Looks like Christmas in jail.

[laughs] I actually have a
really good story about that.

Take it down.

Maybe when you're in a better mood.

- I think it's pretty.
- Nobody asked you, Wade.

We may need to have a chat
about customer service.

We're gonna have a chat
about a lot of things,

starting with how come
you're redecorating

without even asking me.

I'm a partner.

A silent partner.

Hey, I can help here.

She's got some good ideas.

So, you're on her side now?

A good idea's a good idea,

who cares where it comes from.

Thank you.

And I like your idea
about putting a dartboard

in the corner.

Oh. So, this is how it's gonna be?

Fine.

When Wade here takes a dart to the head,

don't come crying to me.

[machines chiming]

I don't want a dart in the head.

ADULT SHELDON: Over
the next several days,

my social experiment was
providing clear-cut data

about the benefits

- of being well-liked.
- Hey, Sheldon.

Heard you like these.

Thank you.

It's the best watery
chocolate milk on the market.

Thank you for letting me use your room.

ADULT SHELDON: I suppose
it was like the old saying,

"I scratch your back, you scratch mine,"

which I actually have issues with.

Why is your back itchy?

A rash? Chicken pox?

Scabies? Scratch your own back.

It turns out it's easy
to make people like you.

You just have to give them things.

Wow. I think you've really
discovered something here.

Perhaps I should publish before
someone else stumbles onto it.

All right. Oh. Hey.

An all-nighter, huh?

Oh, yeah. All night.

Thank you.

Someone's gonna ace those midterms.

Yeah, you know it.

My room has become quite
the little study hall.

Yeah, they may not be...

Uh, you know what, you're fine.

Well, isn't this nice?
Little grandmother, grandson

bonding time.

What's going on?

Can't I buy my favorite grandson lunch?

Look, we got to talk
about this June situation.

She's just trying to
make the place better.

This is our thing.

We can't just let her take over.

She ain't taking over,

and she likes to hear my ideas.

[scoffs] She's just
using you to get her way.

You know what your problem is?

You don't like anything you
didn't think of yourself.

- Is that so?
- Yeah.

Well, I thought of bringing you in,

and that wasn't a good idea.

If that's how you feel,

then we got nothing more to talk about.

- I guess not.
- Well, okay.

You can go now.

My chicken fingers ain't here yet.

[whistle blows on TV]

- Can we watch ?
- What's that?

It's about kids who go to
school in Beverly Hills.

[groans] If you want to see
a show about Beverly Hills,

we should watch Beverly Hillbillies.

[chuckles] That's a show.

What's it about?

Eh... Imagine your meemaw

moving to California.

- I'd watch that.
- [phone ringing]

Hello?

Sheldon, it's for you.

Who is it?

Who is it?

Travis.

Who's Travis?

Who are you?

Friend of Sheldon's.

- Really?
- Really?

Hi, Travis.

Oh,

Monday's no good. I can
pencil you in for Wednesday.

You got it.

Goodbye.

Is that a friend from school?

I suppose.

Well, that's exciting.

And a little exhausting.

I've been letting students use my dorm

to study while I'm not
there, and it's made me

very popular.

It's nice that you're
helping people out.

- [phone rings]
- Yes, but who knew having friends

involved so much scheduling?

Sheldon, some girl for you.

SHELDON: Hello?

Hi, Sarah.

Well, if you and Ben really
need the room on Wednesday,

you're going to have to work it out

with Travis and Amy
because they asked first.

He's getting popular.

I think I might know why those
kids want to use his room.

Well, he said for studying.

They ain't studying.

Oh, now it makes sense.

You really think they're...

A bunch of college kids
in an empty dorm room?

[sighs] Should we tell him?

I don't want to tell him. Do you?

- I'll tell him.
- No.

- Okay, hang on, she volunteered.
- No.

Whoa, and the ' s are back.

All we need are the Bee
Gees and bell-bottoms,

and it's Studio .

I don't know what any of
that means, but all right.

So, I guess your meemaw
came over on our side.

No. She pissed me off, so
now she gets a disco ball.

I don't want to get caught in
the middle of a family squabble.

Oh, don't worry, she'll know it was me.

Then I love it.

Now, what's a Bee Gee?

It's a brother singing band.

They did all the music
for Saturday Night Fever.

What's Saturday Night Fever?

Damn, I'm old.

Hey, Shelly, you busy?

I'm turning my dorm room
schedule into a spreadsheet,

so people can sign up at
school and stop calling me.

Yeah, about that...

George?

Y-Your mother and I are worried that

your friends at school might
be taking advantage of you.

What do you mean?

[sighs]

They might not be using it in the...

the spirit that you intended.

How are they using it?

Mary?

[sighs]

We're worried that those couples

are not going there to study...

But that's why I'm
lending them the room.

And that is why we are concerned.

Are you saying they're
using it as a goof-off room?

Yes. [stammers]

That's exactly what we're saying.

Well, let's drive over there right now

and catch them in the act.

- No!
- L-Let's just let them finish...

goofing off tonight,

and we'll put a stop to it tomorrow.

Well, thank you for telling me.

We thought that you should know.

Mm.

Those dirty goof-offs.

♪ Beverly... Hills, that is ♪

♪ Swimming pools... ♪

So those are the Clampetts,

and they moved from the
backwoods to Beverly Hills.

Oh, in the Walshes
moved from Minnesota.

They have a hard time fitting
in with those California snobs?

- Oh, yeah.
- These guys do, too.

- It's practically the same show.
- [door slams]

Where's Georgie?

In the garage.

- Disco ball, my ass.
- [chuckles] What's going on?

It's a gambling room,
not a damn dance club,

that's what's going on. Georgie!

I want to watch that show.

♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪
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