01x09 - We've Got Spirit

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Lindsay, do you ever think about heavy stuff?

"Heavy stuff"?

Like... death and the meaning of life.

Well, yeah.

When my grandmother d*ed, I was pretty depressed.

I took it pretty hard.

Yeah, yeah. No, yeah.

I knew that you were like me.

I can't even talk to those other guys.

Ken and Daniel, they're jokers.

They don't think about the meaning of life, and they don't think about... why we're here, and they don't think about the point of it all.

They don't think...

They don't think about the point of it all.

[SIGHS]

Are you stoned?

[LAUGHING]

A little bit.

Do you wanna smoke?

No, thanks.

Oh, okay.

Oh. Hey, you know what I'm thinkin' about?

Where is John Bonham right now?

I have... John Bonham?

I thought he was dead.

Yeah, he's dead, but what I'm saying, is that, where is he?

Like, is he in the ground rotting away somewhere?

Or maybe he's up in heaven... partying with Jimi and Janis.

Look at you. You were so cute.

Yeah. that's the, uh...

That's the year I won MVP.

Well, who's this?

That's me.

No.

Who's this girl?

That's Heidi Henderson.

I went out with her for a while before you came along.

♪ [SINGING] I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation

♪ Livin' in the past, it's a new generation

♪ Go and do what you want to do

♪ And that's what I'm gonna do

♪ And I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation

♪ Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

♪ Not me, Whah! No!

♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no

♪ Not me, me, me, me, me

♪ I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation

♪ I've never been afraid of any deviation

♪ And I don't really care if you think I'm strange

♪ I ain't gonna change

♪ And I'm never gonna care 'bout my bad reputation

♪ Not me!

-Who's Lincoln? -Our rivals.

We made regionals. Isn't that cool?

-In what? -Basketball.

God, will you stop jerking that out of my hand?

You're gonna rip it.

God.

Hey.

Did you guys hear about the basketball game?

Pretty exciting.

I'm so sick of all this rah rah crap everywhere.

These jocks think they're such badasses, Walking around like they cured cancer.

They're just monkeys.

[IMITATING MONKEY CHATTER]

Hey, guys.

-BOTH: Hey. -Where's lover boy?

Nick? I don't know.

I thought you two were joined at the tongue or something.

Hey, Kim, can I talk to you for a second?

ALL: Ooh.

Are you pregnant?

-Hey! -No!

Don't be such a pig.

God. She wants to talk to me.

-Excuse us. -Excuse us.

So, are you pregnant?

No.

I'm thinking of breaking up with Nick.

-Why? -I like him, but he's just...

He's really intense, Kim, and he's always stoned.

I just don't...

Something just isn't right.

-Don't do it, Lindsay. -What?

You know what, let me straighten him out.

You know, I'll b*at some sense into him.

It'll be fine.

No. Kim, don't.

I'll figure it out. It's not a big deal.

Okay, just don't break up with him.

The last time Nick got dumped, he kinda went a little berserk.

You mean with Heidi Henderson?

He told you about that?

No.

What happened?

No, nothing. Nothing.

I don't even know, really.

Hello.

I've been looking all over for you.

Well, here I am.

I'll see you guys later, then.

-Okay. Bye. -Okay.

Hey, Cindy. What are you doing?

We decided to decorate the players' lockers to pump them up for the big game.

Okay, if this was your locker, would you be pumped?

Yeah, I'd be really pumped.

Do you think Todd will be pumped?

'Cause it's his locker.

Well, I think it looks really good.

All the other girls wanted to do it, so I had to beg them to let me.

Oh, my god. Here he comes.

Hey, Todd.

Me and all the cheerleaders wanted to pump you up for the big game.

Cool.

Um, I'll take that. Sorry.

Later.

He didn't seem very pumped.

If I were him, I'd be really happy.

I think it was really nice what you did.

Thanks, Sam. You're sweet.

Do you remember how I told you I had a crush on Todd?

Yeah.

Well, I don't.

You don't?

No.

It's not, like, a crush.

It's, like, an obsession.

ALL: [CHEERING] Chewin' tobacco, chewin' tobacco spit, spit, spit!

We make Lincoln look like - shift to the left shift to the right stand up, sit down...

That mascot is depressing me.

Look at him. He's running in place.

What is that? Is that supposed to be funny?

He's trying to get us excited.

Well, I'm not excited.

I wish he'd sit down. He's blocking Cindy.

Hey. Take five, all right?

We haven't made regionals since 1971.

All right? Saturday is an important day for our school, so I expect to see some butts in those bleachers Saturday, huh?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

All right, now I wanna bring up my team captain Todd Schellinger.

Come on up here, son.

It's always Todd Schellinger.

Thanks, coach.

This season's been fantastic.

I wanna thank Coach Fredricks and God.

Why does Cindy like him? He's such a jerk.

He's not even nice to her.

Cheerleaders have to date athletes.

It's the law.

I wanna see all you guys out there this Saturday to watch us destroy Lincoln.

All right!

[CHEERLEADERS]: Hit it. What do we need?

ALL: Spirit! What do we got?

ALL: Spirit! That's s-p-i-r-i-t!

That's spirit!

For victory, that's spirit!

To win this game!

Come on, Norsemen!

Put Lincoln to shame!

See?

He can't even fall funny.

-Good job, man! -Whoo!

Comin' through. Comin' through. Comin' through.

-Are you all right? -Somebody get the head off.

Help me get the head off this kid.

I heard that Stevie Wonder was Jewish.

You're thinking of Sammy Davis, Jr.

-Hey, Sam. -No.

-I read it in the newspaper. -Oh, hi, Cindy.

-How's everything? -Not good.

Our mascot broke his arm, and he got a concussion too.

And now his mom won't let him go to bed tonight

'cause she's afraid he's gonna slip into a coma.

My cousin slipped into a coma once.

And then, when he woke up, he spoke fluent Spanish.

Anyways, um...

We're all freaking out.

I mean, we really need a mascot.

All right, well, I'll see you guys later.

Bye.

Sam, I think that was a subliminal message.

She wants you to be the new mascot.

-What? "We really need a new mascot."

I really need a new mascot.

I really need Sam to be the new mascot.

You really think I should try out?

Open your eyes, Sam.

I mean, that was the biggest come on I've ever seen.

She was practically feeling you up.

Hey, guys.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna be the new Norseman.

No. No, Sam's gonna be the new Norseman.

But Sam's not funny.

Oh, yeah, I am.

And Cindy asked me to do it.

I mean, if I could just spend some time with her, then she'd start to like me.

You wanna deny the school big laughs just so you can hit on a girl?

This is my chance.

You know how important this is to me.

You know how important this is to me.

Being the school mascot has always been my dream.

Yeah, since lunch.

Come on, Neal.

I don't know.

Help me, Obi-wan Kenobi.

You're my only hope.

You had to go and quote the "Star Wars," didn't you?

All right. Sure.

Yes.

Thank you.

In the cafeteria today, the school mascot fell and broke his arm.

It was pretty scary.

Oh, poor thing.

Yeah. they need a new mascot for the game, so I think I'm gonna audition.

Oh, that'll be fun.

You know how I love to watch you kids perform.

You're not going to the game, are you?

Well, of course we are. It's a big community event.

So?

So I'm expected to be there.

I'm a community leader.

Since when?

[LAUGHS]

It's just a dumb basketball game, dad.

I know why you don't want us to go.

You have a date with your new boyfriend Nick Andopolis.

I mean, we're gonna get to know him sooner or later.

Why don't we just all go together?

Mom, no.

I'm a member of the Rotary, you know.

And the Masons.

And Councilman Appleby, just last week, asked me to run for the school board.

That's great, dad.

Boy, I could be the mayor, and I wouldn't get any respect around this house.

[TAPPING ON WINDOW]

[TAPPING]

[WHISPERING] What are you doing here?

But my parents...

Go home.

Hey.

Nick, what are you doing here?

I couldn't stop thinking about you.

I just had to see your face.

Okay.

Well, I don't wanna get you in trouble.

Okay.

Sleep tight.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

Good night.

Bye.

Hey, Sam, I heard the mascot has to change with the cheerleaders in the girls' locker room.

Really? That doesn't sound right.

Hey, Cindy.

-Hey, Sam. -Hey.

-Uh, guess what? -What?

I'm gonna audition for the school mascot.

-Really? -Yeah.

Sam, being a mascot's a lot harder than it looks.

I mean, you have to be super coordinated.

I'm really coordinated.

You'd be surprised.

All right, cool.

But it's not up to me. Vicki's head cheerleader.

Okay. Can you put in a good word for me?

Okay. But it's not like Vicki and I are best friends.

I mean, she's kinda bossy.

I'll do what I can, though.

All right. See you at auditions.

-Okay. -Bye.

You think there's a subliminal message in there somewhere?

For your sake, I hope not.

Hi. Heidi?

I'm Lindsay. I'm in your Spanish class.

Um, you went out with Nick Andopolis, right?

Don't remind me.

Do you mind if I ask what happened?

What, are you dating him or something?

Sort of.

You better ditch him. He's crazy.

What do you mean?

Breaking up with him was like a nightmare.

He started stalking me. He broke into my house.

He got in this insane fight with my dad.

Oh, god.

Hey.

Why were you talking to Heidi?

Because we're in the same Spanish class.

What were you guys talking about?

Spanish stuff.

Well, you know, just be careful with her because she's a liar. She likes to screw people over.

Um, I'm gonna go to woodworking.

I'll see you.

Okay, boys, I wanna see "The Funky Chicken."

ALL: [SINGING] How funky is your chicken?

How loose is your goose?

Sam's pretty good, isn't he?

Yeah, but he's not very funny.

Well, at least he's better than the old mascot.

That guy was as funny as a car wreck.

Hey!

I-I-I was just kidding.

Hey, Herbert, you didn't fall asleep last night, did you?

No, no, and my mom's not gonna let me sleep tonight, either.

Yeah, well, if you feel yourself start to fall asleep, pull out a nose hair. It'll wake you right up.

ALL: [SINGING] So come on, everybody and shake your caboose and shake your caboose

Pretty good, Sam.

You should try out for the musical.

We're doing "Fiddler."

You could be a dancing yeshiva student.

Okay, um...

This was not an easy decision for me.

The Norseman head could've fit nicely on any one of your shoulders.

But, um, the next school mascot will be...

Sam Weir.

It's all politics!

Sam, you are so coordinated! I had no idea.

This is gonna be so much fun.

I'm gonna teach you all my cheers and everything.

Cool! When do we start?

ALL: Assassinate Lincoln! Yeah! Whoo!

This place is turning into a cult.

These jocks, they put a ball through a hoop, whoopdefreakin' do.

My parents are making me go to the game with them.

They're really into it.

I'm going.

-What? -Really?

Yeah. I heard we're gonna lose, right?

I kinda think it's funny when the jocks cry, you know?

"Ooh, they cheated!"

-[LAUGHS] -Here comes Nick.

Hey, Lindsay... what's up with you and Nick?

-Nothing. -Nothing?

Kim says you're gonna dump him.

So it's true?

Lindsay, don't.

Hey, Lindsay.

Hey, Nick. I'm great.

Thanks for asking, though.

Hey, Ken. Hey, guys.

Nick, could you give me a ride home?

Okay.

-See you guys later. -See ya.

Hey, Lindsay.

[SOTTO] Don't do it. Please.

See you, man. Good luck.

I'd hate to be that guy's drum set tonight.

Get those arms up there! Get that crowd to cheer!

ALL: [CHEERING] Spit! Spit! Spit!

Give me more! I want more energy, Sam!

You're a Norseman! I wanna see power!

Come on, Sam! I need to see it!

Be strong! Be powerful!

I want pep!

I need a bigger ending, Sam.

All right, girls, "Funky Chicken." Let's see it.

All right, hit it!

ALL: [SINGING] How funky is your chicken?

Come on, Sam! Flap those wings!

I wanted to be funny.

Vicki didn't want comedy.

ALL: Your caboose!

Not funky enough, Sam.

Okay, that was really good, girls.

It'll be better when you have your head on.

Yeah. ca... can I try that on today?

Um, no, it's still being fixed.

Now, are you ready to try the pyramid?

Uh, yeah.

Um, okay.

It's pyramid time, girls.

Uh oh. Pyramid.

He's gonna need some pointers, right?

Hey, Sam, see, uh, when you're climbing them, be careful not to pull their hair

'cause they'll jerk up, and you'll fall.

Okay? And when you're climbing them, be careful not to pull their bra straps...

'cause they'll wiggle, and you'll fall.

-All right. -All right.

Now, if you fall, be careful to cover your head, so you don't break your neck, okay?

Herbert. Do you mind?

Okay.

Sam, it's pyramid time. Let's go.

Okay, girls, hit it.

ALL: [CHEERING] Gimme an "M"! "M"!

You got your "M"! You got your "M"!

Gimme an "H"! "H"!

You got your "H"! You got your "H"!

Gimme an "S"! "S"!

You got your "S"...

[ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC DROWNS OUT CHEERS]

Man, I love the smell of gasoline.

Yeah? It gives you brain damage.

You guys go to McKinley?

Yeah.

Norsemen suck!

Aah!

Damn it! I'm soaked!

Will you do something, Daniel?

What do you want me to do, blow on you?

That better have been water.

That's all I'm sayin'.

Oh, eww! Man!

I don't know.

I think he'd be cute with that mask on and everything.

It would be so funny.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Oh, hi, Nick! How you doin'?

[WHISPERS] I'm not here.

Oh... yeah no. You know, she's not.

She's, um... out.

Uh, out. With her father.

Yeah. I don't know what they're doing, but they're out there doing it.

Okay. I'll let her know you called.

Bye bye, sweetie.

[SIGHS]

Lindsay, I don't like to lie.

Mom, I know. I'm sorry.

So... you gonna let me know what's going on?

Mom, it's complicated.

I see.

I wanna break up with Nick.

You do? Why?

It's just... it's going too fast, you know?

I need my space.

And, every time I try to do it, Mom, I chicken out.

I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt his feelings.

Well, you don't keep going steady with a boy just to be nice.

If it's not gonna work out, you need to muster your courage and let him know.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah.

No. I gotta go call him.

I'm gonna go do it right now.

Hmm.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Hello. Hello?

Ken, if this is you, you were supposed to be here an hour ago.

I don't like having to wait around.

I had other stuff to do.

Are you gonna answer me...

[DRAWN OUT] Ken?

Hello? [HANGS UP]

Hey, how'd it go?

Well, I think I should tell him in person.

You know, don't you?

Yeah. Remember, you have to do what's right for you.

Yeah, I'm just gonna tell him tomorrow before the game.

Okay. Night, sweetie.

Oh, and... if there's anything else you want to talk over, I'm always here for you.

Night, sweetie.

Fine. If this isn't Ken, you better not call back here... or I'll find you.

-Hey, Harold. -What is it?

I just had a conversation with Lindsay about her love life.

She doesn't like her boyfriend.

She's gonna break it off.

Oh, praise god.

She confided in me, Harold, and she took my advice.

I feel like... a mother. You know?

Yeah.

You're on my leg.

Oh, oh. I'm sorry.

I just I'm so tickled!

Hey, Lindsay, you wanna drive with your father and I to the game?

Oh, yeah, I'd like to introduce you to the pillars of the community, also known as my friends.

Well, I have to take care of something first, so I'll just meet you guys there, okay?

Oh, that's right. What are you gonna say to him?

Mom, I don't know.

Why don't you tell him he's a greasebucket, and you deserve better?

-Harold. -Dad!

I'll see you guys there.

Okay. Good luck, honey.

What's wrong with you?

I'm sore.

I had mascot practice yesterday.

Um, dad?

I think Cindy Sanders likes me.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I got to form a human pyramid on top of her.

Well, that'll do it.

No. I mean, Nick's cool, you know?

It's just that, when he gets a girlfriend, He just goes psycho.

Maybe he just gets so horny, his brain fries, you know?

No, dumbest thing you can do, let a girl know how much that you like her.

Then they just run.

Oh, is that why you're such a bastard to me?

Yeah, well, you're still here, aren't you?

Oh, man, there's that car!

Those jocks from Lincoln that nalled us, that's them!

Go. go. go. go. Before they get away!

Go. Go. Go!

[TIRES SQUEAL]

ALL: [SINGING] How funky is your chicken?

Flap your wings! I want 'em harder!

ALL: So come on, everybody

[SIGHS]

You see that phony sword?

That is a great prop.

Sam's not even using it.

What do you do with a phony sword?

A million things. You fall on it.

You s*ab yourself.

You s*ab the other mascot.

That's not funny.

It is if you do it right.

ALL: So come on, everybody, and shake your caboose The Norseman should be doing schtick, zany dance moves, like this.

ALL: How funky is your chicken?

How loose is your goose?

Why is that funny?

'Cause I'm a Norseman in a chorus line.

Or wait, this one.

ALL: How funky is your chicken?

Hula dancer Norseman.

Yes. A Norseman in Hawaii. That's funny!

I can't be seen with you.

ALL: How funky is your chicken?

How loose

Hey.

Your dad let me in.

Look, Nick, I don't have much time because I told my parents I was gonna meet them before the game.

Um, I wanna talk to you. Okay?

Will you sit down for a second, please?

Please?

I just, I want, I want to tell you what happened with me and Heidi Henderson.

You don't have to do that.

I know. I know I don't have to, but I want to. Okay?

All right.

I had this really huge crush on her.

And, uh, when she broke up with her boyfriend, we went out for, like, a week.

I wrote her poems...

Lots and lots of poems.

It turns out that she was just on the rebound, and she was trying to make her boyfriend jealous, and she wasn't even really interested in me at all.

So when she got back together with her boyfriend, she started showing him all of my poems, right?

And then the next thing I know, she's just showing everybody my poems.

And it was really humiliating, you know?

Yeah. That's awful.

So I go over to her house when she's not home because I want to get those poems back, right?

And her dad catches me, and he starts yelling at me.

And then the cops came. It was -

The whole thing just got blown... totally out of proportion.

But the thing is, It just, it all made me end up feeling really...

Really, really insecure...

About girls.

Nick, I would never show your poems to anyone.

[LAUGHS]

You rule...

So hard.

Let's go to the game.

Shelly, you have a huge stain on your sweater.

I told you guys not to wear these when you eat.

Hey, Cindy, you'd make a really great head cheerleader...

Much nicer than Vicki.

Thanks, Sam.

She's just so rude sometimes.

I mean, we're all here to have fun, you know?

Hey, Cindy.

Hey, Todd, have a great game.

Thanks. Thanks.

Uh, hey, I - I need to ask you something.

-Yeah. -Schellinger!

You wanna quit chattin' up the ladies and get over here?

Yeah. Uh, it wasn't important anyway.

All right. Good luck!

Oh, my god. What do you think he wanted?

Do you think he was gonna ask me out?

I don't know. I don't think so.

Yeah, but what if he was going to?

Maybe I should talk to him after practice.

Oh, this is gonna drive me crazy.

I'm not gonna be able to remember my cheers or anything.

Cindy, he probably has a lot of other girlfriends.

Sam, don't say that.

Todd is a really popular guy.

I just don't want you to get too hung up on him just in case, you know, he won't go out with you or something.

I guess. Maybe you're right.

I'll talk to you later.

All right, go on. Do it.

Why don't you do it?

'Cause I'm a girl.

Just hurry up, man, okay?

-What are you doing? -Uh...

We're giving your car a new paint job.

What are you gonna do about it, huh?

What the hell?

That's what you get, water balloon boy.

Yeah, man, thanks a lot.

Yo, something, something tells me it's time to go.

Yeah, Kim, let's go.

These losers are from McKinley.

Look what that bitch just did to my car.

You're the bitch, man!

Come on, Daniel, kick his ass.

Kick my ass?

Tell my mother that I love her.

Hey, Sam!

Here's your head.

Please don't break it. It costs, like, $600.

Jeez. It's heavy.

It's gonna be harder to do the cheers with this on.

No duh. That's why you better stay focused.

Why don't you put it on and walk around with it for a while to get used to it?

Yeah.

-Okay. -Oh, man.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Whoa.

Hey, watch it!

Sorry.

All right. See ya.

Hey, man. Give me five for the big game, all right?

Oh, my god, Sam.

You are never gonna believe what just happened.

Todd asked me out.

He said that he liked me, and then I told him that I liked him back, and then he kissed me.

And then he said that he didn't have a girlfriend.

So see? You were wrong.

Todd's a jerk.

What?

He's a jerk. I hate to say it, but it's true.

He's not even nice to you.

He's all cocky.

Sam!

It's just stupid that you like him.

I mean, just because you're a cheerleader and he's a jock.

It's so obvious.

Sam, just because you're nervous about the big game, it doesn't mean you should take it out on me and Todd.

See, the thing about it is, when Keith Moon does it, triplets.

Lindsay!

When I try to do it...

Come over here.

Well, no, I'll be right back.

I'd like you to meet a few very good friends of mine.

This is Councilman Appleby, Stan Miller of Stan Miller Motors, and Sheriff MacGruder.

This is my daughter Lindsay.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Lindsay.

Your father has told us all about you.

It's nice to meet you.

Sam, what are you doing?

Get dressed. The game's about to start.

Cindy kissed Todd Schellinger.

Sam, who cares?

You're the school mascot.

Now's not the time to get all weepy.

You gotta go out there and be funny.

Well, I don't feel like being funny.

You think Steve Martin always feels like being funny?

No, but he goes out on that stage every night with his arrow and his banjo, and he kills.

Well, I'm not going out there.

Then give me that head.

Don't do it, Sam.

He's only worried about getting laughs.

Sam, hand me the head of that Norseman.

So, uh, Dale, do you think I should be running for school board?

Definitely. We could use a man like you.

Oh, my god. Wh... what happened to you guys?

We got jumped by some boneheads at Lincoln.

-Yeah. -Why?

-We trashed their car. -They had it coming.

Dad, you remember Daniel and Kim, and this is Ken.

-Hey. -Hey, how's -

No. I don't believe I've had the pleasure Yeah. Mr. Weir. You remember.

How..how's Mrs. Weir doing?

Oh, well, she... she's okay. Look, uh, Lindsay, why don't you just run along with your friends now, okay?

-Okay. -Go, Norsemen!

-Go, McKinley! -Bye, dad.

Teenagers. What are you gonna do?

Oh, hey, Nick. Hi. Lindsay's mom, remember me?

Of course. Hi. Yeah. Mrs. Weir. Hi.

Yeah. How are you holding up, huh?

Okay.

Yeah. I am so sorry about everything.

You know, Lindsay really does care about you.

She told me so last night.

She just feels overwhelmed right now.

She needs her space, you know?

Is that what she said?

Uh, didn't... didn't Lindsay talk to you?

Yeah. She talked to me.

Oh, good.

Um, it was nice seeing you.

You... you too, Nick.

Hey!

Honey, didn't you talk to Nick this morning?

Why, what did you say to him?

Well, I was just trying to be nice.

And, uh...

Mom, did you break up with my boyfriend?

I don't no, I just, uh... Oh, my goodness.

I knew I shouldn't have told you anything.

You know, from now on, just stay out of my life, please.

Hey, honey.

[RETCHES]

[TOILET FLUSHES]

Oh, hey.

Hey. Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Are you sick?

No. It's just nerves.

Hey, you're that new mascot, right?

Yeah.

You know, you were really funny, man.

We saw you doing the funky chicken.

We were all cracking up.

Thanks.

[CROWD CHEERS]

If we zone that area, then you could bring in the business Harold, I think that Lindsay's upset with me.

Jean, shh. The game's about to begin.

Go, McKinley! Shut 'em down!

Lincoln, you suck!

Yeah, Todd! Way to go, buddy!

Get down there! Get down to defense!

Way to go! All right. Hands up.

Schwartz, get your hands up.

All right!

Ugh. Man alive, this thing is heavy.

[GRUNTS]

Go, McKinley!

Whoo! Watch out.

Man with a big head coming through.

It's show time, folks!

Sam, get over here. Sam!

Weir, get off the floor!

What are you doing? Are you crazy?

Wild and crazy!

Come on. Heads up! Heads up!

Time out. Time out! Time! Get over here!

All right. Time out. Let's do the funky chicken.

All right. Funky chicken!

Hey. Hey, watch out.

Whoo! Whoo! Whoohoohoohoo!

All right. Funky chicken!

Sammy is so cute!

Well, he may be cute, but that mascot head is disturbing.

ALL: [SINGING] How loose is your goose?

So come on, everybody and shake your caboose and shake your caboose

-Yeah! -Sam, move!

ALL: How funky is your chicken?

How loose is your goose?

Sam, if you're mad at me, this is a really obnoxious way of showing it.

Ladies, keep your hands off the hat.

I can't understand anything that you're saying.

Norseman!

Hey, watch it!

ALL: [CHANTING] Lincoln, Lincoln, I've been thinking, what the hell have you been drinking?

Yeah! Nothing but net, baby. Whoo!

In your face, losers!

k*ll Lincoln!

Yeah. That's the spirit, guys.

You rock.

Let's play some "D"!

It's called defense, fellas. Come on.

Oh, what's in here?

Mmm. Tasty.

♪ [SINGING] Friday night

♪ no one in sight, and we got so much to share Cindy, where's Sam?

We're about to do "Chewing tobacco."

He's over there.

-Oh, I stabbed myself! -Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. He's gonna die.

Help me. I'm dying. Oh, oh.

♪ [SINGING] Do you wanna touch me there?

♪ Where? Do you wanna touch?

You are in so much trouble, Sam Weir.

Ugh. thank you, sir. May I have another?

Hey, Nick.

Hey.

Well, I was looking all over for you.

Listen, uh...

I've been, um, thinking a lot.

I really like you...

But we've been spending so much time together, you know?

Um, I can't, I...

I haven't been hanging out with my friends, and I haven't really been spending time on my drumming at all.

And so I sort of thought that maybe you and me should take a break for a while.

What do you think of that idea?

Yeah, okay.

Good.

Great.

No hard feelings, right?

Right.

All right, well I'm gonna go, um...

Practice, or - I'll see you on Monday.

Nick.

Foul! That's a... foul!

[BOOING]

[JEERING AND TAUNTING]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

All right. come over here! Come over here.

Get over here!

[CHEERLEADERS SHOUTING]

Spirit!

ALL: Come on, Norsemen! Put... Lincoln... to... shame!

Ah, ha ha, Oh, man!

They're loving it!

-Ow! -What is your deal?

That girl just punched my little boy!

[LAUGHTER]

Okay, girls! It's pyramid time.

I don't know what your problem is, but you better get to the top of that pyramid now!

I mean it!

Aye, aye, sir!

Okay, girls! Hit it!

ALL: Gimme an "M"! "M"!

You've got your "M"! You've got your "M"!

Gimme an "H"! "H"!

Elevator, going up!

Hey, that's my bra strap!

No, it's the team's bra strap!

No!

Oh, my god, honey! Oh!

Oh, he's all right. He'll be all right.

Sam, you've ruined everything!

Where am I?

Who the hell are you?

Neal Schweiber, at your service!

You're dead.

Neak Schweeber, you're a jerk.

It's Neal Schweiber!

[SINGING] ♪ The song is over

♪ It's all behind me

♪ I shoulda known it

♪ She tried to find me

♪ I'll sing my song

♪ to the wide open spaces

♪ I'll sing my heart out

♪ to the infinite sea

♪ I'll sing my visions

♪ to the sky high mountains

♪ I'll sing my song to the free

♪ to the free

All right? Come on!

-Let's go, guys. -One, two, three.

ALL: Norsemen!

Come on! Relax, buddy!

Get the Norseman off the floor!

[CHEERS]

Yeah!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[SINGING] ♪ Keep yourself alive Cindy. Hey.

Sam, what's going on?

Why weren't you out there?

I just got really nervous.

I didn't mean to take it out on you and Todd.

He's all right.

That's okay.

Look, I gotta go, all right?

-Okay. -Bye.

Bye.

[SINGING] ♪ Keep yourself alive

♪ come on, keep yourself alive

♪ When you take your time and take my money

♪ keep yourself alive

♪ Keep yourself alive

♪ come on, keep yourself alive

♪ All you people

♪ keep yourself alive

♪ Keep yourself alive Neal, that was incredible.

You're the funniest mascot I've ever seen.

Thanks, Bill.

No, no, you're a comic genius!

Did you see when she hit me? Wasn't that funny?

You guys should be on a comedy team.

[CHUCKLES]

There he is. Get him, girls!

Oh, no. Here.

[GRUNTS] Oh, oh!

Come on, please. Let's talk about this.

Yeah. Really. No.

Oh, god, I'm a bleeder!