01x15 - Staff Infection

[bunniefuu]

Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything... and the one son who had no choice... but to keep them all together.

It's Arrested Development.

MAN [NARRATING]: Michael had begun to work weekends.

Unfortunately, this interfered with the Saturday morning bike ride... he usually took with his son.

So this isn't bad, right? Just like a normal Saturday.

You don't have to drive so slow. I can ride my bike by myself.

This actually doesn't go any faster.

-[PHONE RINGING] -I mean, I know you have a lot of work, you know?

It still doesn't mean I can't hang out with my...

Hang on one second. This is Michael.

Mom, I'm expecting a very important phone...

For God's sakes! I'll be right there.

-Dad. Dad! -[BIKE BRAKES SCREECHING]

Nice instincts, son. Good reflexes.

NARRATOR: Back at the model home, Lindsay awoke late to find her husband missing.

Maeby? Michael? Tobias?

-Work? -NARRATOR: Tobias had recently... been cast in a movie, playing the role of a frightened inmate.

I ain't going to squeal, man. [SCOFFS]

I ain't going to... Oh, I'm not frightened! God!

Lindsay, say something to scare me.

[BEEPS]... me.

Nope. Nothing. Thanks for trying though.

You know what I ought to do?

I ought to check myself into a men's penal colony.

Perhaps your father could get me in.

Well, if he can go to work, so can I.

NARRATOR: Lucille, meanwhile, was growing closer... to her recently adopted Korean son, whom she called Annyong.

-Much better, Annyong. -Which isn't a name...

-Annyong. -but the Korean word for "hello'."

And I guess I can comb my own hair.

Oh, please. He's a little boy... and since he's going to go off and work for 10 hours...

I want him to look nice.

-Thank you, Lupe. -You got a job, Annyong?

-Annyong. Annyong. -Annyong.

At the banana stand. Oh, his work ethic is unbelievable... unlike some sons I know.

I'm a scholar. I enjoy scholarly pursuits.

[SIGHS] Suddenly playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit.

-Hey, Lupe. -[SIGHS]

-What's wrong with Lupe? -Oh, she's upset... because I told her she couldn't take the day off.

There's a family reunion in Catalina.

Catalina? We're not going to Catalina, are we?

NARRATOR: Buster had an unfortunate encounter in a photo booth...

-on the wildlife-populated island of Catalina. -[SHEEP BLEATING]

No, Lupe is. You see, for her... a family reunion might actually be a pleasant experience.

They've got a bus, and they want to use the parking lot... to this building as a meeting place.

I mean, for God's sake, it's not a hardware store.

We can't have them hanging around like freeloaders, looking for an easy buck.

What's the emergency, Mom?

-I need money. -I don't have time for this, okay?

I don't even get to see my own son. I'm going to work now.

And while you're there, find out from your assistant, Kitty... why she didn't send my paycheck.

You get a paycheck from the Bluth Company?

It's important to the company that I keep up the image of my lifestyle.

Illusion, Mom. And I'm the president of that company.

I believe I'm the one that asked you to start shopping at Quantity Plus.

They made me apply for a membership card.

-It was humiliating. -I'll see what I can do for you.

Now that I know I'm the one that pays Lupe...

I'm giving her the day off, okay?

Lupe, did you hear that? Tell your bus driver... that he can pick up your family at the Bluth Company parking lot.

-Oh, thank you, Michael. -My hero.

Anyway, you enjoy that paycheck when you get it.

It will be the last one I ever send here.

Does that mean I have to go to your office to get mine, too, or how's that work?

You gotta be kidding me. All right. You know what, Buster?

Bob, in the copy room... he quit today.

If you want your money, you're gonna have to work for it.

Okay. I accept. I'll take that job.

I will work in the copy room.

I wouldn't go in there without knocking, Michael.

Now, I know we've been putting in a lot of hours... but we've got to keep our heads down and power through... you know, and... and sacrifice.

[CHUCKLES] Don't mind me.

I'm just here to pick up my paycheck and get out of here.

Guys, go ahead and take a three.

[EXCITED CHATTERING]

Lindsay, how can you just come in here and ask me for a paycheck?

Well, I usually ask Kitty, uh, but she's not around... and you're the only one here I've ever seen before.

-How long has this been going on? -Dad hired me out of college.

-You quit college. -Yeah, well, I had a job. What was the point?

You have a job now. Since Kitty's gone... you can earn your check by answering the phones.

Michael, it's Friday. Everybody coasts on Friday.

-It's actually Saturday. -Finally. I'm out of here.

-I'll see you Tuesday. -I'm serious, Lindsay.

-This is why your employees hate you. -They're actually fond of me.

-[TOILET FLUSHING] -Okay, guys, back to the staff meeting.

[STAFF GROANING]

-Uh, Lindsay. Hello. The phones. -Well, you said "staff."

The zoning committee feels that we're... trying to squeeze too many units onto a lot this size... and we need to if we want to make a profit.

So how do we fit these units on there?

Are these fluorescent lights bothering anybody else besides me?

-[STAFF MUMBLING IN AGREEMENT] -That's not what I want to deal with today.

You and I have different management styles.

I believe work should be fun, and you try to crush people's spirits.

What's next, Michael? Are you going to make dancing illegal?

Is this the tiny town from Footloose?

-[STAFF CHUCKLING, MUMBLING] -Good point.

Can you go to your desk, please? Be like Buster.

He's been in the copy room. I haven't seen him all day.

NARRATOR: In fact, Buster had grown anxious...

-in the confined space of the copy room. -Bob?

-Bob? -[GASPS]

-Bob? -[SHEEP BLEATING] -Bob?

-[GASPING] -Bob?

I need a different job.

I'm having real trouble in a confined indoor space.

-Oh. Hey, coworker. -How do you feel about working outdoors?

Uh, what else do you have?

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

NARRATOR: At the banana stand, George Michael was also working.

I thought your dad worked last weekend.

No, last week he had to finish planning the new subdivision.

Oh. So did he finish it?

No. Hey, are you trying to make me feel bad?

-Yeah, I guess. Sorry. -Yeah.

-I'm just bored. -That's okay.

I guess he just likes work more than he likes you.

NARRATOR: Tobias went to the prison in preparation for his own work.

I have a letter of introduction here from Carl Weathers.

Fortunately, the new warden was an appreciator of the arts.

It would be an honor to have you research in this institution.

Oh. [MUTTERS]

And, if I may...

I have this script I'd love to get to Carl.

-Okay. -The warden could easily be black.

-Oh! Yes. -Okay.

Lets see, now.

187 won't be free till Tuesday... at midnight.

And I can't put you into 212, because there's already another actor... researching a role in there... Steve Buscemi.

Oh! Re...

Well, I... I would like to bunk with my father-in-law.

Okay.

Let's get you into wardrobe.

[CHUCKLES]

Wow! Prison!

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Michael and Buster had arrived at the construction site... and Buster was actually starting to enjoy himself.

Michael, I'm reinforcing the header!

-That's great, buddy. -[LAUGHS]

Listen, I know that we're behind on the payroll... but as soon the zoning committee gives me their approval...

-I know the bank's gonna release the money. -[FAINT SCREAMS]

Right now, I'm just asking everyone to power through, sacrifice.

I'll try, but these guys have been working too hard not to get paid.

I'll get on it. But until then, I got Buster here to help.

-That's another guy. -[SHOUTS, MOANING]

Michael.

Michael.

Michael.

-How did you know I was here? -I called the office.

You know, that Kitty is starting to sound pretty damn sexy to me.

-Maybe I oughta... -That was Lindsay.

-Anyway... -Yeah.

-What's Busty doing here? -Michael got me the job.

How did you get him to do construction work?

The guy's like the world's biggest chicken. [CLUCKING]

-I'm not a chicken. -Yeah, he's not a chicken.

He just doesn't like confined spaces, that's all.

-I thought it was open spaces. -No, it's both. But I love it here.

And the language these guys use... rough!

One of the guys told me to take my head out of my bottom and get back to work.

[LAUGHING] My bottom!

[LAUGHING CONTINUES]

What do you want? You want your paycheck?

I usually get cash under the table.

-But if you made it out to cash... -I got bad news for you, Gob.

-[GRUNTING] -MAN: Hey, pick up the pace, douche bag!

-[QUIETLY] Michael! -MAN: You too, candy ass!

[LAUGHS] "Candy ass."

NARRATOR: With Michael gone, Lindsay was taking over.

Thanks, fellas.

We, uh, finished the proposal, and we're gonna order some pizza.

Um, we were wondering if we could have two toppings on account it's Saturday.

Well, he's not here, and since I'm in charge...

I'm taking you all out to lunch... the whole staff.

-We have to go to lunch! -MAN: We have to go to lunch, you guys.

Come on. Lets go to lunch.

-What happened to the lights? -Isn't this better?

Doesn't this just wanna make you curl up and forget about the world?

Lindsay, we need the light so that people...

-Where are these people going? -I'm taking them out to lunch.

Did you reserve a restaurant?

-Are they taking their own cars? -They'll figure something out.

No, they won't. You don't have a plan?

-I told you, these people are sheep. -[SHEEP BLEATING]

All right? They'll wander off, and you'll lose the sheep.

-You've lost the sheep. -Oh, they'll be fine.

NARRATOR: In the parking lot, the employees boarded the bus...

Lupe had rented for her family reunion... thinking Lindsay had reserved it to take them to lunch.

Well, I need this proposal. I don't know how they can walk off and just...

It's right here, Michael. You weren't here... and everything got done while I was in charge.

-See? Not so hard, what you do. -You just got lucky this once.

You really think I could leave here and everything would be fine?

I think everything would be fine but you.

I don't think you can leave.

If I didn't have that phone call from the zoning committee...

You'd have no reason to live. I'll have it forwarded to your cell.

Great. I'll leave. Not a problem.

I, uh, can spend some time with my son. So, you're in charge.

-Try not to bring the whole company down. -Like that's even possible.

NARRATOR: So the employees headed off to Catalina... providing the surveillance team that had installed the lighting... with the opportunity they needed.

-The place is empty. -All right. Let's get in there and bring this company down.

NARRATOR: At prison, George Sr. Was making converts to his new way of life.

You won't regret this, LittleJustice.

Uh, okay, what say from now on we call you David Ben-Avram?

What are you doing to my guy here?

Nothing. I'm just merely providing him with options.

[KISSES] This yarmulke will protect you, David Ben-Avram.

-[MEN SHOUTING] -MAN: Pipe!

I've got worse planned for you if you keep trying to convert my team.

Hold it. Hold it, now. Wait. Now, I'm doing no such thing.

Both of our religions have a lot to offer.

There's theJewish notion of heaven and that... that it can be attained here on Earth... and there is your belief in the cleansing power of the pipe.

-[GASPS] -No more teaching from you.

No teaching. No teaching.

NARRATOR: It was at that moment that George Sr...

-reunited with his son-in-law. -Father.

Tobias, what the hell are you doing here?

I'm here to study with you, to learn from you.

-Teach me. -There's no teaching.

-There's no teaching. -Who is this little...[BEEPS]

[LAUGHS] It's been quite awhile since anybody called me a tyke... but, no, I am Dr. Tobias Fünke.

Or, with your help, Frightened Inmate #2. [CHUCKLES]

And who is this shiny building of a man?

-Oh, I'm very scared right now. -Oh, we're starting.

Oh, yes. Let me get something to write with.

NARRATOR: Back at the banana stand, Annyong had arrived.

It looks like we're gonna have to restock on nuts tonight, all right?

Now, listen, I know that that's nobody's favorite Saturday night... but if we just power through and keep our heads down, we might be able to...

-Annyong and I are fine here. I mean, you don't have to... -Annyong.

You don't have to worry so much.

I mean, obviously, your dad doesn't want to spend time with you... but, you know, go to the beach or whatever.

-He's just not around, okay? -He no have father?

Older lady adopt him too?

No, he have father. Father no love him.

No, he love me... loves me. He loves me.

So, all right. Maybe I will take a little time off... and go to the beach or something.

I went to beach once. Next thing I know, I'm in crate next to pig.

♪ [WESTERN]

NARRATOR: Instead, George Michael had decided to leave... for his father's office and have lunch with him.

Meanwhile, the white collar Bluth Company employees... had made it through the first leg of theirjourney...

-and were about to embark on the second. -? [CONTINUES]

And Lucille, taking Michael's advice... returned home from Quantity Plus with a problem.

Lupe! Buster?

Annyong? Hello?

NARRATOR: With Lupe gone and the rest ofher family working for once...

Lucille realized she missed them.

Well, now, who the hell is gonna unload the car?

Hola. Is Rosa still alive?

No? Hmm.

Okay. This is not my day.

♪ [WOMAN SINGING]

NARRATOR: Michael, meanwhile, stopped by to say hello to his son... and found out he had gone to the beach.

So Michael went to find George Michael... and also try to figure out a solution for his space problem.

♪ [CONTINUES]

And then he decided that perhaps he, too, should try a little relaxation.

Back at the construction site, Gob was also ready to take the afternoon off.

Screw this! I have my pride.

I don't care how much they're paying me.

You got paid? I thought we were all making sacrifices.

Yeah, well, maybe it's time for some of those big sh*ts at the Bluth Company... to start making some sacrifices.

I say we shut down construction!

Hey. Hey, what's happening? Why are we stopping?

This is fun! We should do this just for the fun.

Easy for him to say. He got his paycheck too.

-Unbelievable. -That's not right.

Come on, you douche bags. We're all on the same team!

Don't listen to him. He'll never stand up to the man.

He's a chicken. A chicken.

[CLUCKING]

My whole life you've called me a chicken, but that's over now.

I have nothing to prove.

[CLUCKING]

[CLUCKING CONTINUES]

That is not how a chicken sounds. Chickens don't clap!

-Chickens don't clap! -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

-[SHOUTING] -That is not how we settle things on a site.

We got our own way of finding out who's a chicken... by a little game we like to call... "chicken."

I hope you're up to this, Buster.

This is a game of courage, a game for men.

Yeah, well, it's a game I'm ready for!

-Uh-oh. My seat doesn't have a cushion. -Ready? Go!

Yeah, I'm definitely gonna need a cushion.

As the Bluths squared off, Lindsay dealt with the news of the work stoppage.

-[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS] -This wasn't my fault.

-I thought you were Michael. -So wait. My Dad's not here?

Nope. He went out for lunch to have fun. But everything's fine.

I mean, if he asks, everything's fine. My style works.

This place is humming along.

So wait. My Dad said that he was waiting for a call.

-That he had to stay here. -Oh, no, he can get that call anywhere.

-I just have to forward it to him. -Huh.

Hey, would you mind running things for a little while?

-I'm... I'm not really... -It's not hard.

-[PHONE RINGING] -NARRATOR: So Lindsay headed off to deal... with the work stoppage problem at the site.

-[SIGHS] -[RINGING CONTINUES]

NARRATOR: Lindsay knew Michael would be furious... if he found out the building had stopped...

-so she had to find a way to start it... -[PEOPLE CHATTERING] and that's when she saw Lupe's family.

Hey, who's ready to have some fun?

-Uh... -? [WOMAN SINGING]

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Michael continued his relaxation at the beach.

Okay, these units aren't too close together.

We can get away with this, right, people?

All right. Just speed it up. Come on. Keep your heads down. Power through.

[PHONE RINGING]

Oh, no. Where is... Where's my phone?

I used it to dig the "B" unit.

-You what? -I'll get it.

No, no. You're gonna ruin it! What am I doing?

[RINGING CONTINUES]

-Hello. -GEORGE MICHAEL: Hi, Dad.

-Hey, George Michael, where are you? -I'm at the office.

Lindsay put me in charge here 'cause there was nobody here... and she had to go to the construction site...

'cause the workers stopped working.

Great. Now we're never gonna finish phase three, and everything's gonna fall apart.

This whole thing is gonna cave in, and we're gonna be left with a bunch of...

Great. Now my sand castle has a giant pool in it.

NARRATOR: That's when Michael saw the solution to his space problem.

-I gotta go, buddy. -[DIAL TONE]

He's making a sand castle?

NARRATOR: George Michael noticed something too.

He knew his father had always loved him... but at this moment, he was actually holding the proof in his hands.

-[DOOR CLOSES] -Unfortunately, it was at this moment...

-that the investigators went into action. -[CHATTERING]

-There's the kid. -Our cover's blown. Get out.

-MAN: I've got a clean sh*t over here. -No!

Get the proof. He's got the evidence file.

Come on. Come on. I told you to find a stud. Go!

[MUTTERING]

NARRATOR: Back at the construction site, Buster... and Gob's showdown was reaching a dramatic conclusion.

[WHINING]

[SOFT DING]

Wow. Who won?

NARRATOR: And for the first time, Gob saw his brother as a man.

-Let's get back to work, guys. -[MEN GRUMBLING]

NARRATOR: And Lindsay arrived... suddenly trying a new management style.

-MAN: What's this now? -Okay.

So you guys don't wanna work? Fine.

I've got a stair car full of Mexican laborers that would love a day's work.

"Laborers"? I'm a professor of American Studies... at the University of Mexico City.

I took a dance class there.

I thought you were taking us to Catalina. What happened to Catalina?

♪ [WOMAN SINGING]

-You'd bring in scabs, just like that? -Watch me. Go to work!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We're shutting it down.

-Michael, I've solved this. -No, it's not you.

It's me. It's wrong. The plan is wrong.

We gotta get rid of the individual swimming pools... and put in a great big communal one right in the center.

Lindsay, you were right. We've all been working a little bit too hard.

You can't manage by threatening and pushing people... and sometimes you have to reward hard work.

-Maybe reward it with a party. -[MEN CHEERING]

Right. I didn't mean tonight. Just some time in the future... when we have some extra food and liquor.

Lupe!

Lupe, I need help with the groceries!

How about just liquor?

NARRATOR: And the two Bluth men finally did relax.

Thanks for coming out. I've been dying to get some time with you. I really have.

That's okay. I know how much you care about me.

Unfortunately, so does the federal government.

-Want more punch? -Sure.

Wait. The feds?

On the next Arrested Development.

Tobias gets an insight into fear.

Well, let's discuss this bunking situation.

You'll be sleeping under me for a while.

I sold you for a pack of cigarettes.

And the employees find a new direction.

Whoa! Whoa! What are you folks doin' on this part of the mountain?

-We're lost. -Well, I can give you a ride back into town.

Come on. Let's go. Buck, Banjo, get on up here. Come on, boy.

[YIPPING] There you go.

♪ [SINGING]