05x14 - Saving for Arraignment Day

[bunniefuu]

Now, the story of a wealthy family
who lost everything

and the one son who had no choice
but to keep them all together.

It's Arrested Development.

Very disappointed
with these swimsuits.

- That's right.
- What's with the shirts?

You better bring it to the talent portion,
Michael!

A little more Magnum, PI,

a little less Higgins.

Looking for a little Magnum, PI?

Oh, for God sakes.
Is that Stan Sitwell's eyebrow?

I... I... I just told him
he didn't leave it here!

Get that off your face,

- you horse's ass.
- Who the hell shows up

in the middle of a pageant?

- Guess who!
- Mimi.

Mom.

I should have called.

Hi!

Look at you!

Look at all of you,

rushing your Mimi...

This is your grandmother.

- Kids, rush your Mimi.
- What are you doing here, Mom?

Well, I wasn't gonna miss the last summer

at the beach house
with my gorgeous family.

Last summer?

You're sick?

No. No,

- I... I meant... I did... I missed this...
- Yeah.

...last summer,
and, uh... I want to be with you, and...

someone's got a big birthday coming up.

Where's my Lindsay?

Right here.

Hi, Mimi.

And it's really not
that big of a birthday.

I mean, I'm just turning 14.

And Michael is, too,
because they're twins.

Of course you are.

I'm Gob.

Uh... Why did you name him that?

Mother, we haven't seen you
in five years.

You don't need to come in here
and criticize my children

- in the middle of a pageant. We're...
- Oh!

Oh, you kept that tradition?
Did your mother tell you

- that I'm the one who started that?
- Well, that's true,

but you never let me wear the sash
when I was little.

Oh, please, you were never little.

Your mother was never little.

Oh, but this is perfect,

'cause I have a prize
for one of the kids.

We already have a trophy for the winner.

It has a little magician on it.

Yes, for whoever wins.

They didn't have one
with a boy doing push-ups.

All right.
The trophy can be your prize.

My prize is for whoever
I deem to be the winner.

It's an all-expense paid cruise...

with her grandmother.

All right, kids, why don't you get ready
for the, uh, talent portion?

- Let the grown-ups talk.
- Mm-hmm.

You know,
I've been in the house five minutes.

You haven't even offered me
so much as a pitcher of martinis.

I'll make two.

So, you're not taking a cruise

- with Uncle Jack this year?
- Uh, no. No.

Jack dumped me.

He says he wants to start

a clean slate on his 80th birthday.

Ah, well, anyway,
I just thought the cruise

would be the perfect gift
for whoever wins.

I know what you're up to.

You're not taking Lindsay.

Well, soon, Lindsay will be old enough
to make that decision for herself.

And I know you won't let me take Buster.

My God, when he was three years old,
you still had him on a leash!

I said, "She's gonna make
a m*rder*r out of that one."

Oh, but we're getting ahead of ourselves!
Let's see who wins the competition.

And I can be a judge.

Never too early to get Buster used
to being in front of a judge.

George Sr.
and Lucille entered a courtroom

that abounded with memories
of Bluth family get-togethers.

Hi! Oh, hi.

- I've saved you some seats right here.
- Okay. Thank you.

Right in front, right...

But there was nothing
that could prepare them for the shock

...of seeing the bailiff

- lead their son into the courtroom.
- I cannot believe this.

This is the guy who used to bring me out
during my trials.

- Oh, God, it's great to see you, Chuck.
- Oh! I remember Chuck.

- You used to catch him when he'd run.
- Actually,

- I'm Chuck's son.
- No. You're little CJ?

- Mm-hmm.
- Your parents must be so proud.

Well, I'm sure every parent
is proud of their...

Well, why don't I just chain your boy
to the bench here?

That would be fine. Thank you.

Mother...

Is there anybody else
you'd like to say hello to, Mother?

At least I came to your trial.

For mine, you were too busy juicing it up
with that woman you probably pushed...

- Careful.
- Yep.

You look different.

I'm growing dreads, Mother.

Dreads right out of my head.

Just because you have
an African-American left hand,

all of a sudden you're Ray Charles?

And I thought you Alibabaed one
that was less... threatening.

Hi.

- Hello.
- Michael, what are you doing here?

You kidding me?
I want to see our legal team in action.

I mean, we're certainly spending a fortune
on them.

It was a legal team
that Barry had suggested.

...the Guilty Guys.

Very expensive but very, very good,

especially if you're guilty.

The so-called Guilty Guys
were a law firm

whose record was so unblemished...

they'd even been the subject
of a reality show.

The project,

which was to show a single case
over the span of a season...

- How do you plead?
- ...was abandoned

early on by Netflix
as not being binge-worthy.

Where is this team
we're spending all our money on?

And... And please tell me
that it is not Barry.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm just here as a fan.

And for the referral fee.

I'm gonna go in the hall
and see if they're here.

- Okay.
- I'm gonna try and get a selfie

- with the G-Man.
- Shouldn't you be working on the wall?

Uh, you know what? I wanna...
I want to take a step back.

I want to let my son flap his wings a bit.

Oh, God. Did he take another swing at you?

No, that... that's not what he did.

George Michael fired you?

That is what he did.

But it was only after Michael,
having discovered his parents

were in cahoots
with Chinese investors to build

a border wall,
secretly spent the investors' money

to merge with his son's company...

- I bought Fakeblock.
- What?

...provoking a dire warning
from his parents.

They're going to be mildly displeased.

And though he refused
to doom his son's company

- by selling it...
- No, no. No, no, no, no.

George Michael's
got nothing to do with this.

...a package from China threatened
a more literal sort of defeat,

which is how Michael came to announce
both that he was building

- a border wall...
- ...just for this project.

...and that it was the reason
he purchased Fakeblock

in the first place.

George Michael felt bulldozed
by the announcement.

What the!?

- Even though it was Gob...
- We're building a wall!

Come back in two weeks!

...who moved up the date
of the unveiling,

which is what led to this.

- We're gonna need it in a month.
- You're fired.

Which, because of the merger,
he had the right to do, but don't worry.

The wall's gonna be fine. Gob's on it.

I don't want George Michael
feeling guilty,

so I told Gob,
when it comes to the foot,

- that mum's the word.
- Although "clear" might've been

- an overstatement.
- It was a great move

to get ridof your dad.
Can't let fear run a business.

How do you mean, fear?

Well, you get sent one severed foot
from the Chinese,

and, all of a sudden,
you turn into a crybaby.

The Chinese sent my dad
a severed human foot?

Yeah. Although they call it a "mum."

Mum's the word
for "severed human foot" in Chinese.

I don't even know how I know that.
But it's to ensure

that he finishes building the wall
or whatever.

It's like, you know what?
Like, call me after you've been lured down

to a rock quarry,
and someone threatens

to ruin your magic career

if you go to gay conversion therapy,
and it works.

I mean, seriously, call me after that,

because I'd be curious
to see how... how you'd handle it.

Well, having a child
try to embarrass you

is part of parenting, sweetheart.

Mine's chained to a bench.
So, in that sense, he's an overachiever.

All rise.

The Superior Court
of Orange County is now in session.

The Honorable Judge Spencer Stanley
presiding.

Please be seated.

- CJ, let me get to the chair.
- Sorry.

Does Defense have
a counsel ready?

Uh... not quite yet, Your Honor.

Someone care to explain to me why
there's no one to represent the client?

They're here! The Guilty Guys are here.

Oh, it's the Guilty Guys?

They're here. They're actually here.

- They're coming down the hall.
- All rise

- for the Guilty Guys.
- CJ, you don't have to...

Okay, great. Now I can't see.

And so,
perhaps as an intimidation tactic,

the Guilty Guys finally arrived,

the fruits
of their very expensive preparation

on full display.

It was hard for anyone
not to get caught up in the pageantry.

Uh, Barry?

On the count
of m*rder in the first degree,

how does the defendant plead?

Your Honor, in the case

of The State of California
v. Buster Bluth,

we'd like to enter a plea of... guilty.

Hmm. Okay. Let's set a date
for a sentencing presentation.

And on a personal note,
I just want to say that it is not often

in the course of a jurisprudence career
that a judge has the...

- I want to say privilege...
- Sorry. Did...

Did... Did you say... Did they say guilty?

Look at that.
There is always a guy

who wants to know what's going on.

It's why I could never go

- to the movies with my father.
- Hello? Not!

We'd like to plead not guilty, Your Honor.

Not guilty?
You hired us to plead not guilty?

Well, that's a first.

- Barry, what's going on?
- Yeah?

What's happening?

You didn't want to plead guilty?

Of course not! Buster's not guilty.

Well, then, these are not the guys.

No, I thought I told you that

if I was guilty,
then I would hire these guys,

'cause they get the best sentences.

You're saying
these guys cannot represent us

in... in a not guilty plea?

Why would you want to pay them
for two months?

I don't think they've ever been
on a case that long.

Which was
the same problem the producers

of the Netflix series had,
and actually why it was canceled

- before the end of the main title.
- Your Honor,

we'd like to enter a plea of...

guilty.

- Oh, honest to God, Barry...
- Okay.

Okay, let me take care of this.

Can I just ask,
would you mind staying on the case

if it's not guilty?

- Sidebar, please. Sidebar.
- And, true to their reputation,

this pivotal moment

would also prove anti-climactic.

- Hey, yeah, we're out. We just can't...
- Really?

We can't defend their son. Bye.

Yeah! Yes!

- Yes!
- We did it!

They're out.
We won't be hearing from them again.

Except for what they're gonna charge us
for the phone call.

- They've never technically won a case...
- Mm-hmm.

...but they've never lost a fee.

Of course,
the bad news is Lottie is pushing

to get this on the docket
within the month.

- But we don't have an attorney.
- Well, that's what I said.

This DA, she is a k*ller.

She has never lost a case.
Well, just once.

But then,
her ex was the opposing counsel.

Well, that's our answer.
We gotta get him as our attorney.

Oh, no. He's retired.

Which is too bad,
because she was so flustered

by his argument,
she called for a mistrial.

I have never seen Lottie Dottie cower
like that before.

Of course,
she was called Lottie Radler back then.

- Lottie Radler?
- Yeah.

What's her ex-husband's name?

- Dustin.
- Uh-uh. She means Lottie's ex.

Dustin Radler, the guy you're dating.

No, it can't be.

I mean, he said he was retired, but,

uh... I have to get him on this case.

Well, I don't think
he's gonna do it for free.

I'll let him move in.
That's what he wants.

No, no, no, no.
You're so close to ending it with him.

I mean, I...
You don't want to be leading him on.

We have to get our son off,

and in three weeks,
a mistrial is the only thing in our favor.

So that's my choice?

Between my wife and my son?

Isn't that the worst?

Especially when you're checking
into a hotel.

Here's my advice.
Always say that he's your wife,

'cause they never have the balls to check.

I'm out of context again, aren't I?

I'm so sorry.

After f*ring his father,
George Michael

was visited by Maeby,

who had father problems of her own.

...about being a backup person
in the Blue Man Group,

when he realizes that Marge is over,
so of course he yells,

"Voices up."
And then I gotta hear Mrs. Featherbottom

cover by saying she meant
"makeup," not "backup" person,

and then go on to brag that,
for four years,

she blew three men five times a day,

and now we've been called
before the board

- for the third time.
- Well, why don't you ask them to move out?

It's not that easy.
Remember when your dad lived with you?

Oh, yeah. Yeah,
we had to do some crazy vote-out thing

where he... he forgot how voting worked.
He voted for himself.

In fact,
it was a deeply complicated plan

that required Michael believing
he was voting out

a third roommate, only to discover

that the three turned on him...

Michael. Michael. Michael.

...leading to a sense of betrayal

that neither father nor son
would soon recover from.

Oh.
I just remember it working, so,

maybe a vote will do it.

But you better watch out,

because the g*ng's gonna try
and live with you

- at Sudden Valley.
- Well, with all the construction going on

right now, they wouldn't get through.

Construction for what?

The wall.

You're building the wall?
I thought that's why you fired your dad.

Yeah, well, that was before I realized...

there was something else...

afoot.

George Michael, you can't do that.

Building that wall is gonna affect
real people.

I don't have the luxury
of worrying about that.

Someone's gotta protect this family.

Well, what about their families?

I got to know some of those people
when I was working in that border town,

acting like I was getting to know
those people.

You sound just like
a slightly self-aware Aunt Lindsay.

Well, you sound
just like a minimally-woke Uncle Michael.

I'm not gonna go into this,
because I don't want you getting involved,

but we're building the wall.

Fine. Abandon your morals.

Build your dumb wall.
Appease your dumb guilt

at f*ring your father
because of his dumb investment.

It's not dumb. He's the only person
who ever believed in this company.

Which isn't real, so that makes it dumb.

You know what?
I don't even care anymore, though.

It'll be you who's guilty of fraud.

But, hey,
maybe you can get those dumb attorneys

from that short Netflix show
that's not on the air anymore.

They canceled that?

Lucille was attempting
to get a lawyer herself...

Dusty, after revealing to him

that she now knew
about his relationship

with Lottie Dottie.

- Da.
- Da.

Da! Oh, I knew you'd find out eventually.

I mean, I haven't exactly been
in a courtroom for...

For several years, I know.

I wouldn't ask if I had other options.

Look, I don't want to take advantage...

...but your ex wants to make sure
my son can never truly be free

in his life, and maybe you think
I'm an overbearing mother,

but I will not let this DA take my job.

I think you're a very caring mother.

In fact, I'll go one step further.

I think this is
how a mother's supposed to act.

Oh, so she's not as sweet
as she seems, is she?

Trust me, it's all an act.

She's not even interested in children.

Well, maybe, like, babies,

but that's weird,
because who likes babies?

Mm, especially in the early years, I know.

Well, this is a way to expose her.

I mean, she'll be so rattled,
she'll call for a mistrial

before you're even finished
with your opening statement.

Oh, boy, now I'm really tempted.

Yeah. I ca... I can't wait to see her face

when she learns
that you're the one I'm with now.

Believe me, I even wanted to lie

and tell her things had gotten sexual
with us, but...

I didn't want to make things weird.

You don't have to tell her about us.
I mean, I'm old enough to be your mother.

Right.
That's why I chose the word "weird."

But maybe that's why I've been eager
to move in with you.

And I think maybe it's time
for that to happen.

Then I'm in.
I will be your lawyer.

Let her see what I can do

when I'm with a woman
who totally accepts me.

I wouldn't change a thing, and of course,
you'll need to cut your hair.

Oh, that'll make her totally crazy.

Yeah. She could never get me to do that.

But precious weeks
had passed

before Michael had even heard of the plan.

They're gonna do one of their slimy
cheat-the-system shortcuts

that never works
instead of postponing the trial?

Okay, I have to take over the case.

Not if he's unprepared.
You... You need someone

who's... who's got a background.
I mean...

With your case.

No, I don't think that.
I am the...

Hey, look... look, I...
We're in a financial jam right now.

You know? I... I even had to use
my show business connections

to get a film crew
to rent out the cottage

for a couple of days.
You know, of course,

the real payment there was...

Uh, no, not at all. No. The...

And that was the real payment,
just to see her reaction

to a boom operator standing
on her bed, it was worth it.

But... I... I don't know,
may... maybe we can now afford,

like, one Guilty Guy.

Allegedly.

I just spoke to her today.

- In person?
- Uh, no.

- On the phone. She calls me all the time.
- Oh!

I heard her
in her apartment earlier.

Michael had been ducking
Lucille 2's calls...

It's Lucille Austero.

I've been looking...

- No!
- ...after she disappeared

on what he believed was May 6th.

Oh, my God, no,
this... this is open and shut.

No, I am taking over the case.

No, I have to. I have proof.

She left voice mails. Hold on.

And that's when Michael realized
why all the phone calls

from Lucille 2 during her campaign

always went on about the same thing.

It's Lucille Austero.

I've been looking for you.

I know you haven't forgotten...

Uh, I guess I erased them.
Yeah, fine.

Sure, we'll try it your way.
We'll do the Dusty mistrial thing.

Yup. Yes, that could work.

Knowing that Fakeblock
would be revealed as a fraud

at the coming unveiling,

George Michael realized
he needed to create a distraction.

So he went to the most easily distracted
person he knew.

Hey, man. Got a minute?

- Hey, um, Gob?
- ♪ Who's gonna tell you when... ♪

- Yes? Oh, I just... Yep. Just...
- Um, uh...

Um, yeah. I've been thinking
about this wall thing.

I... I think
that maybe we just cancel the event,

and, uh, just do it for the investors.

Cancel the event?

No. We can't cancel the gig.

It's gonna be boring. I mean,

there's nothing to it.
We're gonna have press

and TV cameras out there
and have this giant audience.

For what? Just... Just to look at a wall?

Or, I mean...

Oh, George Michael, no.

If there are gonna be
as many people there as you think,

I gotta put on a g*dd*mn show.

A magic show... from me.

- Yep. Great.
- They come to look at a wall?

- We make it so they can't look away.
- Do you really think so?

Yes!

Except for a very few specific moments
where we need them to look away,

so I can do the little tricky part.

I also think it's a great opportunity
to lure...

Gob knew he couldn't say
that it could lure Tony Wonder

out of hiding,
while simultaneously allowing Gob

to go back to his straight life

- without angering...
- Angering...

- ...the gay Mafia.
- ...the gay Mafia.

- Yes. Absolutely. No.
- Right. Well,

would you maybe be in charge of that?

Great.

I'll be here all night!

Gob would leave the office
three minutes later.

The night before the trial,
George Sr. arrived at the cottage...

I thought you wanted me
to pre-tie his tie.

...to review their legal strategy.

He's not here. He ran off.
He's flipping out.

What is he flipping out about?

I thought he wins every case. I mean,
it's Lottie who should be flipping out.

Oh, I'm sure she will.

It... It's just pre-trial jitters.

- It was more than pre-trial jitters.
- God, I can't breathe.

It's choking me.

Hey, what's the matter with you?

Shouldn't you be working
on your opening statement?

Ah, I hate it!

I just wasted an hour and a half
working on an opening joke,

till I realized
that it's from Fast and Furious.

It doesn't even work
unless you're in a Camaro.

Why are you worried about a joke?

You just need an opening argument.

Well, because my argument comes
right after I state,

"If you think that's funny,
wait until you hear

what the opening statement
the prosecution is gonna give."

I thought the prosecution went first
and then the defense.

Sorry, I forgot, you know everything.

No, I'm sorry. I'm just anxious.

You're anxious?!

You're the mother of the defendant,
everybody's favorite.

I'm gonna be the one
everyone's staring at,

and I know literally
who's gonna be judging me the most.

- The judge can't show favoritism.
- No.

- Lottie!
- Oh, that's ridiculous.

Trust me, the moment
she sees you walk into that courtroom,

the joke's going to be on her!

Yeah! That's why I wanted
to tell the joke first!

God! You never listen to me!

What are you doing?
Nobody's even swimming out there!

Okay, Dusty,
you really need to calm down.

Ah. You calm down.
Stop telling me what to do.

Well, I'm sorry.
I'm not trying to be your mother,

but... but I'm worried about my son.

Okay. If you don't want to be my mother,

then maybe stop referring to me
as your son, how about that?

I... I'm talking about Buster.

Yes!
You're always talking about Buster.

Buster this, Buster that.
How are you gonna represent Buster?

Have you talked to Buster today?
You know what?

No!

No, say it.

I hate him!

I hope he loses!

I'm going to my fort!

But even this could provide no solace

- for Dusty.
- Hey! Locals only, brosef.

Turista non grata, dude.

Yo, dudes! It's me,

- Dusty!
- What's with the tie?

Yeah, I know.

She made me wear it.

Get lost!

That's right, keep walking, pal.

Jitters can be bad.
Remember when I had them

the night before we went to trial

- for that tax evasion in '88?
- Oh, yeah.

- We had to hide all that boy fight money.
- Yeah.

You gave me
that "in case you're going away" present.

That got the jitters out of me.

What do you think about doing that
with Dusty?

How can you ask me that?

I just know how you can be.
There was a time

right after Gob was born...

when you grew cold
and contemptuous of everyone.

You remember that?

Well, only because it's still going on.

Maybe I've pulled away from him.

In fact, most nights he goes back home
to sleep in his own bed.

Which is fine.
I... I want his head in his work.

Huh. That doesn't necessarily mean
yours has to take the night off.

Hey, I hate the idea,

but we gotta do something to get
his confidence in that courtroom,

and I am willing to shut my eyes
and let it happen.

Now you know how I felt all those years,
George.

But even though Lucille felt good
about making George feel bad,

she knew that he was right.

So that evening, she arrived at the home

she felt Dusty had been driven back to

by her lack of physical affection.

Someone will be with you
in just a moment.

Although it was considerably less modest
than she had imagined.

- May I help you?
- I'm sorry.

I thought this was
where Dustin Radler lived.

Mr. Radler's in his bedroom.

- I'll have to announce you.
- Announce me?

- Carla, please!
- No, no. I...

I was just going to casually drop by.

- Carla, Miss...
- Bluth. Lucille Bluth.

Yeah, is here for a casual drop-by.

Why is this the first
I'm hearing about it?

I'm sorry. I didn't...
Was the casual drop-by

scheduled within the month?

You don't need to ask that.
Just check all the way back

- through May.
- May I be of assistance?

Mrs. Bluth is here for a CDB,

and Carla didn't know about it.

Most likely
because it wasn't made into a Vine.

That's fine,

I'm sure it was booked
through our second floor staff.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize
you were close to the Salazars.

No, I didn't book...

- Who are the Salazars?
- The second floor staff.

Mrs. Salazar was our pantry captain
for 15 years.

Yes,
back when she was Ms. Bautista.

Three guesses what she did
to get on two.

No. You... You...
I'm just here to see Dusty.

Uh, Mr. Radler.

But, I... I... I'm sorry,
you all work for him?

He never mentioned
that he had so much...

Lucille thought better of saying "money."

- ...of a staff here.
- On the first floor?

What, does he now think
the Salazars control everything?

I told you!
The first floor used to mean something

in this house.

Jean, no.

That pantry is unguarded.

You must start keeping up that datebook.
Jean!

Lucille could tell there was tension
among her boyfriend's staff,

and she felt compelled to say...

How rich is this sand hobo?

Well, yeah, she did say that.

But about the staff, she also said...

I'm going to him.

Oh, ap-- apologies.

I don't know why I thought
she said something about the staff.

On the next Arrested Development...

- Annette.
- Maeby uses

her mathematical ingenuity
to rig an election.

- Annette.
- Dad said no talking.

Then why the hell are you talking, Bev?
Why the...

I'm sorry. I didn't know
they would both vote against you.

- "My daughter Annette."
- The... Uh, or...

I wouldn't have voted that way,
is what I meant to say.

- Should we read the last one?
- No.

Because it's just gonna say my name.

I voted myself out, too, okay?
'Cause I can't take it anymore.

You've taken all the fun
out of the worst part of life.

But while packing up,

Maeby comes across something
of Stan Sitwell's

from before she moved in.

So if these people really disappeared...

...that means
there's an ocean view available.