HAVE A GOOD TIME
(theme music punctuated by g*nshots)
(dog howls)
(door bangs in the wind)
(g*nf*re)
You're from Baker?
Tell Baker I told him all I know already.
Tell him I want to live in peace, that it's no use to go on tormenting me.
I know nothing about that case of coins.
Now that gold has disappeared, but if he'd listened we could have avoided this.
I went to the army court. There were no witnesses.
They couldn't uncover any more.
I can't tell Baker what happened to the money.
Go back and tell him that.
Word's around you had a visitor.
And Baker knows it.
Name of Jackson.
Well?
Jackson was here.
Or Baker's got it all wrong.
He's not wrong.
Maybe Baker would like to know just what you and Jackson had to say... about the cash box.
That's not what I'm being paid for.
I'm only interested in what name Jackson's hiding under now.
Why do you think Jackson is assuming another name?
I would have found him already.
When I start off to find somebody, I find 'em.
That's why they pay me.
What is Baker paying you?
That your family?
Yes.
Nice family.
What does he pay you for murdering me?
500 dollars, to get the name.
The name.
Carson... Bill Carson.
That's what he calls himself now.
It's a lot of money. One thousand.
A thousand dollars?
And some in gold. It's a tidy sum.
But when I'm paid...
I always see the job through.
(snoring)
It's you. Any information?
Too much.
He said quite a bit that should interest you.
And one or two things that interested me.
Such as?
The name Jackson's hiding under is Bill Carson.
That's your bit.
Keep talking.
He also mentioned something about a certain cash box which just happened to disappear.
That's my bit.
Anything else?
Not enough for you, eh?
Well, you don't have to worry. He'll never say anything to anybody again.
Oh, yeah. Perfect.
Here... Here you are.
Here, this is for you. You did a good job for me.
Worth 500 dollars.
(coughs weakly)
Yeah. I almost forgot.
He gave me a thousand.
I think his idea was that I k*ll you. (chuckles)
But you know, the pity is, when I'm paid I always follow my job through.
You know that.
No! Angel Eyes!
(chuckles)
(g*n cocking)
No. No p*stol, amigo.
It won't do you any good. There are three of us.
Hey, amigo...
You know you got a face beautiful enough to be worth 2,000 dollars?
(laughter)
(new voice) Yeah...
But you don't look like the one who'll collect it.
A couple of steps back.
Thank you.
How much are you worth now?
How much?
2,000 dollars.
That's right, 2,000 dollars.
2,000 dollars. (chuckles)
!Hijo de puta que te pari�! You'll pay for this!
I hope you end up in a graveyard, with the cholera and the rabies and the plague!
Cut me loose! Cut me loose, you filthy bastard! Put me down!
I hope your mother ends up in a two-dollar whorehouse!
Cut me loose!
You can still save yourself. Let me go and I'll pardon you.
Let me go.
I feel sick. The blood is rushing to my...
I'm dry, Blondie. Agua... Water...
(dirty laugh)
You swine!
You son of a bitch! Let me go!
You're brave with a man who's tied up. Come back.
Come back and fight.
You bastard.
Who the hell is that? One bastard goes in, another comes out.
Cut it out. I'm an honest farmer.
I'm innocent of everything.
So you're an honest farmer?
You recognise this man?
Yeah, it's you.
Me? Who says so? You can't even read.
Roll it up. I'll give you a good idea where you can put it.
To hell with all you sheriffs and all who gave birth to you.
Hey, everybody, look! He's giving him the filthy money!
Judas! You sold my hide. But you won't enjoy that money, not a penny.
If there's justice in the world, that money will go to the undertaker.
You know who you are?
Want to know whose son you are?
You don't. I do. Everybody does.
You're the son of a thousand fathers, all bastards like you.
And your mother, she's...
You bastard!
Your mother, it's better not to talk of her! I never hurt anybody!
Wanted in 1 4 counties of this state, the condemned is found guilty of the crimes of m*rder, armed robbery of citizens, state banks and post offices, the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison, perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children, inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion, receiving stolen goods, selling stolen goods, passing counterfeit money, and, contrary to the laws of this state, the condemned is guilty of using marked cards...
Therefore, according to the powers vested in us, we sentence the accused here before us, Tuco Benedicto Pac�fico Juan-Maria Ramirez...
Known as "The Rat".
..to hang by the neck until dead.
May God have mercy on his soul. Proceed.
Five for you.
One, two, three, four... five for me.
Five for you and five for me.
Know how much you're worth now?
No. How much? 3,000 dollars.
(gratified grunt)
There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend: those with a rope around their neck and the people who do the cutting.
The neck at the end of the rope is mine. I run the risks.
So the next time I want more than half.
You may run the risks, my friend, but I do the cutting.
If we cut down my percentage...
Cigar?
..Iiable to interfere with my aim.
But if you miss, you had better miss very well.
Whoever double-crosses me and leaves me alive, he understands nothing about Tuco.
Nothing.
Wanted in 15 counties of this state, the condemned standing before us... sitting before us, Tuco Benedicto Pac�fico Juan-Maria Ramirez, has been found guilty by the circuit court of the following crimes: m*rder, assaulting a justice of the peace, raping a virgin of the white race, statutory r*pe of a minor of the black race, derailing a train...
Hey, Angel Eyes.
What d'you find out, Shorty? If you ask me, it seems like a book.
A unit escorting a cash box of gold coins meets a Yankee ambush and only three of 'em are saved - Stevens, Baker, and Jackson.
What wasn't saved was the coins.
But the army holds a hearing, and Jackson's acquitted.
He disappears and becomes Bill Carson.
I know his name. But not who you're looking for. I do.
And when he's found, I'd be scared to be put in his shoes.
Where is Carson?
All I know is Carson re-enlisted. The poor guy's minus an eye.
He lives with a girl called Maria. She's a fresh young whore in the territory.
Where is she? Now, what's the name of that town?
Someplace fairly near.
Santa Ana.
Adios, half-soldier.
Hey, Luke, hand me down a whiskey.
..and the sheriff's office in Sonora.
He then hired himself out as guide to a wagon train, and, after receiving payment in advance, deserted the wagon train on the hunting grounds of the Sioux Indians.
I'm glad they got him. A man guilty of all those crimes.
Convicted people don't always hang. What do you mean?
Even a filthy beggar like that has got a protecting angel.
A golden-haired angel watches over him.
(judge) For all these crimes, the accused has made a full confession.
Therefore, we condemn him to be hung by the neck until dead.
May the Lord have mercy on his soul. Proceed.
Let's get the hell out of here!
What are you trying to say? Anybody can miss a sh*t?
Nobody misses when I'm at the end of the rope.
You never had a rope round your neck. Let me tell you something.
When that rope starts to pull tight, you can feel the devil bite your ass.
Yeah. You're right.
It's getting tougher.
The way I figure, there's really not too much future with a sawn-off runt like you.
What do you mean?
I don't think you'll ever be worth more than 3,000 dollars.
What do you mean?
I mean our partnership is untied.
Oh, no, not you.
You remain tied.
I'll keep the money and you can have the rope.
You filthy, double-crossing bastard. Of all the stinking, dirty tricks...
The way back to town is only 70 miles.
If you save your breath, I feel a man like you could manage it.
Adios.
You filthy bastard! Come here!
Come here. Cut this rope off. Get off that horse, you filthy coward.
If I ever catch you, Blondie, I'll rip your heart out and eat it!
I'll skin you alive! I'll hang you up by your thumbs! You pig! You vulture!
I'll k*ll you! I'll k*ll you!
(tsks)
Such ingratitude. After all the times I've saved your life.
Wait a minute. This is only a trick.
You wouldn't leave me here. Come back.
Wait, Blondie! Listen...
!Hijo de una gran puta!
(echoes into theme music)
(drunken singing)
(laughter)
I believe madam is home.
Sweet dreams.
You filthy rats!
(man, quietly) Maria?
Is that you, Bill?
Bill!
Arh!
Who are you?
What do you want with me?
Go on talking about Bill Carson.
I don't know him.
You were calling to him in the dark.
Where is he?
What are you gonna do to him?
I'll ask the questions.
Where is he?
Where is he? Where?
Where? Where?
Where?
That's enough.
I don't know where he is. He packed his things ten days ago and went away with his unit. They all left.
Which company? Where did they go?
Hm?
3rd Cavalry. General Sibley. They left for Santa Fe.
That's all I know. I swear.
(pained gasp)
But... but...
I'm very sorry, but the store is closing.
Mm-hm.
(chuckles)
Revolvers! Yeah, revolvers.
Revolvers.
Well, here's where I keep the best ones.
Here, Remington, Colt, a Root, Smith-Wesson, Colt - navy, Joslyn, another Remington, and this one...
That's enough.
Cartridges.
You wanna try the p*stol, step out back. Let's go.
Move, move.
(chuckles)
Cartridge.
How much? Twenty dollars.
(chuckles) No.
Fifty dollars.
How much? A hundred dollars.
Two hundred dollars. It's all I've got.
Here.
Come here.
Aaah.. Ahh...
(chuckles) Heh? Mm-hm.
(Tuco) If you work for a living, why do you k*ll yourself working?
If you work for a living, why do you k*ll yourself working?
Potatoes.
You've gotta be poor to eat potatoes.
Really poor.
I'm rich. But I'm lonely.
The world is divided into two parts: those who have friends, and those who are lonely, like poor Tuco.
You see, I used to have a friend - Pedro.
Chico and Ram�n, his two brothers, were my friends too.
But who knows where they are now?
Ah, it's too bad, friends. Tough luck I haven't found you.
I had a good deal for you.
There's a big son of a bitch who's got 4,000 dollars.
4,000 dollars. And I know where to find it.
If they would help me catch him, I'd divide it four ways, like a brother.
1 ,000 dollars each. Hm?
You're alive, Tuco. Is it true?
And rich. Like you're going to be.
But people are saying you got k*lled in Albuquerque.
And people talk bullshit.
I'm alive, you bastards, and I always will be.
And I've come to give you 3,000 dollars.
Vamos.
This morning I heard the whole thing.
Canby's closing in with his northerners and tomorrow they'll be in the city.
That's why these southerners are getting out.
As soon as these cowards hear of blue-shirts around, they run.
These rebels have no will to fight. Poor things.
They'll soon be finished. Then we begin making money on those Yankees.
They carry gold, not paper dollars.
And they're going to b*at the South.
Look. See that one with the white beard, General Sibley? He looks dead.
He's finally getting out of our hair.
Hooray for Dixie! Hooray, hooray for Dixie!
Where's the owner of that horse?
Please, mister... A bad heart... Where?
The w*r's frightened me already. I'm looking for the owner of that horse.
He's tall, blond, he smokes a cigar and he's a pig. Where is he now?
He doesn't know who rides every horse.
You stay quiet, old hen.
Upstairs in room four, se�or.
Hear that?
You rotten criminals. How dare you?
(rumble of wagons outside)
(chink of spurs)
(distant cannon fire)
Your spurs.
(Tuco chuckles)
There are two kinds of spurs, my friend: those that come in by the door, and those that come in by the window.
Take off that p*stol belt.
It's empty.
Mine isn't. (closer cannon fire)
Even when Judas hanged himself, there was a storm, too.
That could be cannon fire.
Cannon fire or storm, it's all the same to you.
You ever see this before, my friend?
Throw it over the roof beam.
That's it.
Now get on that.
That's right.
Now make sure the rope is tight.
It's got to hold the weight of a pig.
Now put the rope around your neck.
That's very good.
It's too big for your neck, huh? We fix that right away.
I have another system. A little different than yours.
I don't sh**t the rope, I sh**t the legs off the stool.
Adi�s.
Welcome, my friend.
If you're looking for a summer vacation spot, you've found it.
Our hotel is luxurious and filled with conveniences.
(laughter)
And the attractions don't stop there.
International cuisine, healthful and nutritious food.
Corn cobs, Dixie-style.
Our government has spared no expense.
As you can see, we are treated very well.
Have you ever heard of anyone by the name of Bill Carson?
And you? Have you ever heard of someone named Canby? No?
Well, you see, he's a Yankee colonel who decided to tear us to pieces.
The only thing we care about is saving our own hides.
And you ask me if I know someone.
I just don't know what you drifters could be thinking.
Carson has a patch over one eye. He's with the 3rd.
If he's with the 3rd... They've already left.
For Glorietta.
Canby's front line is right on their heels. Those poor young devils.
And the desert lies ahead of 'em. I really doubt that any of them are still alive.
And what if they were still alive?
Worse.
Well, then, you must not have heard anything about Batterville.
It's one of those Yankee prison camps you'd better hope you never end up in.
Keep it. It's yours.
We have found the accused, Thomas Larson, alias Shorty Larson, guilty of the following crimes: horse-theft, theft of supplies belonging to the Union army...
And Shorty?
No.
No?
..alias Shorty Larson, to hang by the neck until dead.
May God have mercy on his soul. Proceed.
Sorry, Shorty.
Move. Come on, let's go.
I don't know... As soon as I hit the desert, I'm thirsty.
It burns, huh? They say people with fair skin can't take too much.
Like that, you won't have to carry so much.
Where are we going?
Where?
Where I'm going, amigo.
Over that way.
Another 100 miles of beautiful sun-baked sand.
Even the armies are afraid to march through there.
Sibley's men are retreating up there.
Canby's men are coming here.
But no-one will set foot in this hell.
Except you and me.
100 miles. That's a nice walk.
What was it you told me the last time?
If you save your breath, I feel a man like you could manage it.
And if you won't manage it, you'll die - only slowly.
Very slowly, old friend.
After you, please.
Start walking.
(Tuco laughs)
Taking a rest?
Come on, Blondie. We don't have very far to go. Only 70 miles.
Only eight and a half hours more before sunset.
That's not too bad.
Come on.
(chuckles heartily)
Whoa...
OK, let's eat.
That is, I'll eat.
Meanwhile, you can enjoy a sunbath.
You want some water?
Drink.
Come on.
Well, Blondie... So long.
And so, Blondie... it's goodbye.
(rumble of hooves)
Whoa, whoa...
Easy, easy.
Easy. Attaboy.
(creaking)
Water...
200,000 in gold. It's yours, just get me water.
What's that you say?
Who the hell are you? Carson.
My name is Bill Carson now.
Surprise att*ck...
AII dead... My name is Jackson, not Carson...
Carson, yeah. Glad to meet you. I'm Lincoln's grandfather.
What's that you said about the dollars? 200,000, all mine.
It was the 3rd Cavalry's.
Baker has nothing.
The gold... I hid the gold. The gold is safe.
Where? Here?
Talk. In... the... cemetery.
Which cemetery?
The one on Sad Hill.
There's a grave...
Which grave? Have a name?
Have a number? Come on, you dummy, talk.
There's... no number.
There's a name.
It's written...
(croaks)
Water... (frustrated grunt)
You talk first. I'll give you water later.
Sad Hill cemetery. OK. In the grave. OK.
But it must have a name or a number. There must be 1 ,000... 5,000...
Don't die, uh? Don't die. I'll get you water.
Stay there. Don't move. I'll get you water.
Don't die until later, you son of a...
(yells)
Get away from there.
He's dead.
I'll k*ll you.
If you do that, you'll always be poor.
Just like the greasy rat that you are.
If I were you, I'd... keep me alive.
What did he tell you?
A name.
The name on a grave. What name?
Blondie... Don't die.
Blondie, don't die.
I'm your friend. Please don't die.
I'm your friend. Come on.
Come on, eh?
Blondie, I'll help you. I'll help you.
Don't move. I'll be right back. I'll get the water.
Don't die like that pig.
Here's water, Blondie.
Don't drink, it's no good for you. Feel better?
Blondie, what's the matter? Please don't die.
(Tuco) Hey, open up! Hurry!
Settle down. Who's there?
What do you mean, "who's there?" You think I'm the enemy?
If I were a Yankee, you wouldn't have time to ask me that.
Come on.
Sergeant, listen to this corporal for a moment.
Sergeant, I have a gravely wounded man here, if he's not dead already.
He's still alive? Well, he seems to be.
What happened? It was a trap.
Only the two of us got away. Name and travelling papers.
Here. Corporal Bill Carson. 3rd Regiment, 2nd Cavalry Squadron, arriving from San Rafael. Is that enough?
Are you reading when this man is dying?
Why, Corporal, we're trying to withdraw and you're looking for an infirmary?
If you want one, you'll have to make yourself a Yankee prisoner.
So where are we? Near Apache Canyon.
Apache Canyon?
Is a mission San Antonio around here?
18 miles south. Take him there.
The brothers take care of any wounded, whatever the colour of his uniform.
And keep your eyes open - the area is full of Yankees.
Thank you. Goodbye, Sergeant.
Take care.
Whoa!
Got a very sick man here. But we have no more beds.
Let him have yours.
Where's Padre Ramirez? Father Ramirez is away at the moment.
He should be back any day now.
It doesn't matter. For the moment, we take very good care of my friend.
And may God be praised.
God is on our side too, because he hates the Yankees. Huh, Blondie?
Father, is he still breathing? Yes, of course.
You're heavy.
There.
AII right. Put a fresh bandage on him.
Put him in my cell.
Easy.
Out, soldier. Out you go.
Look after him, please. He's like a brother to me.
Hey, Father, l...
(mutters)
Father, did he speak? Did he say anything?
Father, did he ask for me? Did he speak about anything?
No, he hasn't spoken as yet.
But don't worry, he's young and strong - that's what's kept him going.
He should regain his strength in a short time.
Thank you. You don't know what this boy's life means to me.
Thanks be to Jesus.
Blondie?
Hey, Blondie?
The old Father tells me you'll be up and around in a few days.
You were very lucky to have me so close when it happened.
Think if you'd been on your own.
Look, I mean when one is... ill, it's good to have somebody close by, friends or relations.
Do you... you have parents, Blondie? A mother?
Not even a mother.
No-one?
You're all alone, huh? Like me, Blondie.
We're all alone in the world.
I have you, you have me.
Only for a little while, I mean.
It had to happen now. What a dirty, rotten trick of fate.
We could have all that money in our hands.
I... I must tell you the truth, Blondie. In my place, you would do the same thing.
It's all over for you now.
There's nothing anyone can do any more.
Oh, God, forgive me.
It's my fault, mine, mine, mine, mine!
I'll tell you one thing, Blondie.
If I knew that my last hour had come, I swear, in my place... in your place I would do the same thing.
I would tell about the gold. Yes, yes, I would.
I would tell the name on the grave.
What good is the money if you're dead? I know the name of the cemetery.
But you know how many graves there are there?
Please. Blondie, please. Have a little...
Coffee? Please, tell me the name.
On... on the grave.
If I get my hands on the 200,000 dollars, I'll always honour your memory.
I swear, I'll always honour your memory.
Come closer.
Tell me.
You dirty...
I'll sleep better... knowing my good friend is by my side... to protect me.
"Tuco, water." Well, here's water.
But if I get that name from you, I'll give you water! I'll give you...
AII right, you dirty skunk, get your ass off the bed.
Come on. The party's over. The wagon is all ready to go.
We'd better get the hell out of here, before we get caught up in the w*r.
Tuco, Father Ramirez is back.
This is something I have to look into. It'll only take a minute. Get moving.
Where? This way? Yes.
Hey, Pablo?
Don't you recognise me?
It's me. Tuco.
Let me embrace you...
I don't know the right thing.
I was passing by and said to myself "I wonder if my brother remembers me?"
Did I do wrong?
It doesn't matter. I'm very happy.
You have seen me, Tuco.
Yeah, well, I'm very glad I came.
Ah, my uniform.
It's a long story.
But let's talk about you. It's more important.
You look very well. A bit thin, perhaps, but...
You were always thin, eh, Pablito?
Wh... What about our parents?
Only now do you think of them. To begin after nine years.
Nine years?
So it's nine years.
Nine years.
Our mother has been dead a long time now.
Our father d*ed only a few days ago. That's why I was away.
He asked for you to be there.
But there was only me.
And you?
Outside of evil, what else have you managed to do?
It seems to me you once had a wife someplace.
Not one. Lots of them.
One here, one there, wherever I found them.
Go on, preach me a sermon, Pablo.
What good would that be?
Just keep on the way you're going.
Go away.
The Lord have mercy on your soul. Sure, I'll go.
While I'm waiting for the Lord to remember me!
I, Tuco Ramirez, brother of Brother Ramirez, will tell you something.
You think you're better than I am.
Where we came from, one became a priest or a bandit.
You chose your way, I chose mine. Mine was harder.
You talk of our mother and father - when you left to become a priest, I stayed behind.
I must have been 10, 12, I don't remember. But I stayed.
I tried, but it was no good. Now I'll tell you something.
You became a priest because you were too much of a coward to do what I do.
Tuco.
Please forgive me, brother.
Haa!
Ah, my belly's full.
Nice guy, my brother.
I didn't tell you my brother was in charge here?
Everything. Like the Pope, almost. He's in charge in Rome.
My brother, he say to me "Stay, brother, we never see each other."
"There's plenty to eat and drink. Bring your friend too."
Whenever we see each other, he never lets me go.
My brother, he's crazy about me.
That's so. Even a tramp like me, no matter what happens, I know there's a brother somewhere who'll never refuse me a bowl of soup.
Sure.
Well, after a meal there's nothing like a good cigar.
Here's the Sierra Magdalena.
Going this way, we cross the Rio Grande.
That sure is a long way.
Here to the northwest, through all of Texas...
After that... Then what?
When we get there, I'll tell you. You're not worried, are you?
Those men aren't worried about anything any more, are they?
But since I'm alive and I've noticed we'll be crossing enemy lines a few times, I thought you might tell me where we're going.
Towards 200,000 dollars. Is that good enough for you?
Whoa.
(growls)
Wake up, you.
There are troops coming. Blue or grey?
They're grey, like us. Let's say hello to them, then get going.
Hurrah! Hurrah for the Confederacy!
Hurrah! Down with General Grant!
Hurrah for General...
What's his name? Lee.
..Lee!
God is with us because he hates the Yanks, too! Hurrah!
God's not on our side, cos he hates idiots also.
Hup, two, three, four. Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three, four. Hup, two, three four...
Prisoners of w*r, forward... march.
Hup, two, three, four...
Left face.
Form a single file. Move.
(corporal takes prisoner roll call)
Jonathan Broad. Present.
Richard Mobiley. Present.
Nathaniel Sullivan. Present.
Robert Clark. Present.
Sam Richmond. Present.
Bill Carson.
Bill Carson?
I said Bill Carson.
Hey, Blondie, isn't that Angel Eyes?
AII right, what's he doing, sleeping? Bill Carson!
Yeah. You better be Bill Carson.
Bill Carson!
Yeah, yeah... That's me.
Please, Carson... answer "present".
What, are you deaf?
Now suppose you say "present", Carson.
I like big fat men like you - when they fall, they make more noise.
And sometimes they never get up.
Wallace.
That's enough.
Sergeant.
The captain wants to see you right away.
Be sure these two get good treatment.
Hey, Blondie, did you hear that? Good treatment.
Yeah.
For the last time, Sergeant, I'm telling you, I want the prisoners treated as prisoners.
No more brutality.
There's hundreds of prisoners and only a few men to guard 'em.
I have to have respect.
I think you'll manage to gain their respect by treating them better.
Are our men treated that well in Andersonville camp?
I don't give a g*dd*mn what they do in Andersonville.
While I'm in charge, the prisoners are not to be tortured or cheated... or m*rder*d.
That an accusation?
Sergeant, gangrene is eating my leg away, not my eyes.
I know the prisoners here are being robbed systematically.
I know there's scum around, bivouacked near the camp, waiting for someone to deliver this loot.
But as long as I'm commandant, I won't permit any such trickery. Am I clear?
Yes, sir.
Just as long as you're the commandant.
Yes, Sergeant.
I know this leg means I won't last very long, but I pray I have enough time to amass evidence and bring to a court martial all those who discredit and dishonour the uniform of the Union.
I wish you luck.
You and the others better lay low for a few days.
I'll keep this. You go. Wallace will let you know.
Wallace, bring me Carson. Right.
Angel Eyes said for us to lay low for a few days.
We'll keep close enough to keep an eye on things. Saddle your horses.
Get in.
(door is locked)
Come on in, Tuco. Don't be bashful.
There's no formalities here.
It's been a long time.
(Tuco's stomach rumbles)
You're hungry.
Sit down. Eat.
I knew it, I knew it!
The minute I saw you, I said to myself "Look at that pig, Angel Eyes."
"I bet he got himself an easy job."
"And he never forgets a friend."
I never forget old friends, Tuco.
Right.
It's good to see old friends again.
Good.
Especially when they've come from so far away.
And have so much to talk about.
And you do have a lot to talk about, haven't you?
You were captured near Fort Craig?
If you were with Sibley, that means you were coming from Santa Fe.
Was it hard crossing the desert? Mm-hm. Very hard.
Especially if you don't have anything to drink.
Why are you going under the name of Bill Carson now?
One name is as good as another.
Not wise to use your own name.
Like you. I bet they don't call you Angel Eyes.
Sergeant Angel Eyes!
Like a little music with your meal, Tuco?
Music? Yes, it's very good. Very good for the digestion.
So...
Bill Carson's a fake name, huh?
That fake, too?
Bill Carson's name's written on it.
Have some. It's Bill Carson's tobacco.
Aarh!
(mournful tune)
Was Carson dead or alive when you found him?
What did he tell you about the money?
I don't...
I... I don't know what you're talking about.
More feeling.
You can sure consider yourself much luckier than your pal.
Wallace will punch your friend as long as the song goes.
So many of us have had a session in there.
How's your digestion now?
You'd better talk. I have nothing to tell you.
Play that fiddle, you.
(screams)
I'll talk... I'll talk...
What did he say about the money?
It's bu...
It's buried in a grave.
Where?
Sad Hill...
Sad Hill cemetery.
Which grave?
I don't know. I don't know, I tell you.
Blondie...
Ask Blondie. He knows the name of the grave.
The w*r's over for you.
Put those clothes on.
Why?
We're going for a ride.
Where? To find 200,000 dollars.
I know the name of the cemetery now.
And you know the name of the grave.
You're not going to give me the same treatment?
Would you talk?
No. Probably not.
That's what I thought.
Not that you're any tougher than Tuco, but you're smart enough to know that talking won't save you.
And Tuco? Is he...
No. Not yet.
But he's in very good hands.
You've changed partners, but you've still got the same deal.
I'm not greedy. I'm only taking half.
There's two of us. Should make it easier than just one.
Yeah.
Hold it.
That's it. Don't move.
Now, don't breathe. Still... that's it.
Got it. Thank you.
Hey, Corporal, afraid he'll get lost? Where's the rebel going?
To hell, with a rope around his neck and a price on his head.
3,000 dollars, friend. That's a lot of money for a head.
I'll bet they didn't even pay you a penny for your arm.
I told you once, friend.
If I ever get you down, you're gonna need a lot of help to get up again.
You're a lot luckier than that one.
You get some grub, a rope, and you're finished.
And there isn't any partner this time to sh**t you down.
(rustling)
If your friends stay out in the damp, they're liable to catch a cold, aren't they?
Or a b*llet.
Hear that, boys? Come on out here.
Since we're all going in the same direction, might as well go together.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
Six... Perfect number.
Isn't three the perfect number?
Yeah. But I got six more b*ll*ts in my g*n.
(chuckles)
(train whistle)
Sure would like to put your paw on it, huh?
I would like to piss. It's rough. I've been on this train nearly ten hours.
You smell like a pig already.
Let's try not to make things any worse.
Get going.
I can't while you're watching me.
Aaaarh!
You made a lot of noise, my friend, huh?
You don't want to break our friendship? Well, I'll break it.
(train approaching)
Squad, halt.
Take your places.
Ready.
Aim.
Fire.
Clem, take care of the horses.
(cannon fire)
(whistle of cannonball)
(splash of water)
(Tuco sings quietly to himself)
I've been looking for you for eight months.
Whenever I should have had a g*n in my right hand, I thought of you.
Now I find you in exactly the position that suits me.
And I had lots of time to learn how to sh**t with my left.
When you have to sh**t, sh**t. Don't talk.
Every g*n makes its own tune.
It's perfect timing, large one.
Clem, follow him.
(tsks)
(banging on door)
Just a minute. I'll be right there.
Just give me time to get dressed and I'll open up.
(g*n cocks)
Put your drawers on and take your g*n off.
Hey...
Hey, Blondie, how the hell did you get out of that pigsty?
My own way. I'm here with your old friend Angel Eyes.
You talked, you traitor. You talked.
No, I didn't talk. If I did, I probably wouldn't be here now.
You... me...
So only you know your half of the secret?
Mm-hm.
Ah, Blondie...
I'm very happy you're working with me, and we're together again.
I get dressed, I k*ll him, be right back. Oh, listen...
I forgot to mention.
He's not alone. There's five of them.
Five? Yeah. Five of them.
So that's why you came to Tuco.
It doesn't matter. I'll k*ll them all.
They sh*t him at close range.
(whistle of cannonball)
Well, look who's here. The other one will be along.
They'll come looking for us.
Watch out.
There's two of them.
I want that blond alive.
You, back there. Come on, let's go.
Were you going to die alone?
(whistle of cannonball)
(coughing)
(whistles)
Ho!
(noise above)
Hey, Blondie. Angel Eyes is mine.
AII right.
"See you soon, l... idi.."
"Idiots."
It's for you.
How peaceful and quiet, amigo.
Like a cemetery, for instance?
There should be a bridge across that river.
We better wait for nightfall. Trust in me, Blondie.
I got a good sense of where I'm going.
Tuco has taken you this far, I will take you all the way to...
Tell the captain. Yes, sir.
Come along, now. Follow me.
We found them near the perimeter, sir.
Where do you hail from?
IIlinois.
And you?
I'm with him.
Any reason for being around here?
We want to enlist, General.
You'd better learn to distinguish rank.
I'm a captain.
Get the hell out.
It sure as hell might be you today, so go write your will.
Yes, sir.
So you want to enlist?
You've got to take a test to prove it.
Well, show me.
Hey... (chuckles)
You've got a career. At the least, I'd say you'll make colonel.
Really? Sure.
Like it says in the manual, you've got every qualification to become an expert in the use of weapons.
For this, sir, is the most potent w*apon in w*r. (exhales)
The fighting spirit's in this bottle.
Volunteers.
You want to enlist, hm? Let's go.
Come on, gentlemen, come on.
The sh**ting hasn't begun yet. You're in time.
Eh?
Whoever has the most liquor to get the soldiers drunk and send them to be slaughtered... is the winner.
We and the ones over on the other side of the river only have one thing in common.
AII of us reek of alcohol.
What did you say your name was?
Uh...
And you?
Uh...
"Uh." No.
Names don't matter.
Yes, because soon you can join the gallant heroes of Branston Bridge.
We have two att*cks a day.
Two att*cks a day? Sure.
The rebs have decided that damn bridge is the key to this whole area.
Stupid, useless bridge.
Flyspeck on headquarters' maps.
Headquarters has declared we must take that ridiculous flyspeck.
Even if all of us are k*lled.
Otherwise the key'll get rusty and just be a spot on the wall.
And that's not all. Both sides want the bridge intact.
Intact is how the South wants it, and we want it intact, too.
You'll all turn to dust, but one thing is sure, boys:
Branston Bridge will stand unbroken.
Is it bad to speak the way I do to volunteers?
I've done a lot worse.
I've done it. I've blown it up. Boom!
In here, I've destroyed it all.
It's a court-martial offence to dream of blowing it up. A serious crime.
Even to think of destroying that bridge is just...
Why not really blow it up, Captain?
Yeah, Captain, it's nothing. Let's scare the hell out of them.
(laughs)
I've been dreaming about it.
I've even worked out a plan.
I sure have.
The best time is after the att*ck, when there's a truce to get the wounded.
If I could do it, I could save many thousands of men.
(soldiers shout)
But what I lack is the guts.
They're beginning the daily slaughter right on time.
Captain, all companies are awaiting your orders.
Be right there.
Let's go.
AII right, friends.
Come along and enjoy the spectacle.
(bugle call)
Companies, report.
Company B ready.
Company E ready.
Company D ready.
Companies, forward!
(battle cries)
Hey, Blondie. Looks like the captain is asking for a b*llet in his guts.
Yeah.
I've never seen so many men wasted so badly.
I have a feeling it's really going to be a good, long battle.
Blondie...
The money's on the other side of the river.
Oh? Where?
Amigo, I said the other side, and that's enough.
But while the Confederates are there, we can't get across.
What would happen if somebody were to blow up that bridge?
Yeah. Then these idiots would go somewhere else to fight.
Maybe.
Get a doctor, quick! The captain's wounded!
Hurry, a stretcher.
Easy. Easy now.
Arh!
Get things ready.
A little of this will help.
Take a slug of this, Captain.
And keep your ears open.
(grunting)
(man) What are you doing? No... Leave me alone...
Blondie, hey. You realise we might be risking our lives?
Yeah. And if I get k*lled, you'll never get your hands on all that beautiful money.
Yeah, Tuco.
Sure would be a pity.
Doc...
Doctor... Can you help me Iive a little longer?
I expect good news.
(gasps)
Eh... Eh...
Why don't we tell each other our half of the secret?
Why don't we?
You go first.
No, I think it's better that... you start.
AII right.
The name of the cemetery is...
Sad Hill. Now it's your turn.
The name on the grave is...
Arch Stanton.
Ar... Arch Stanton?
Are you sure?
Yeah. Sure I'm sure.
(snoring)
(grunts)
(horse neighs)
(Tuco) Haa! Haa!
It'll be a lot easier with that.
Two can dig a lot quicker than one.
Dig.
You're not digging.
If you sh**t me, you won't see a cent of that money.
Why?
I'll tell you why.
Cos there's nothing in there.
Why, you son of a... You thought I'd trust you?
200,000 dollars is a lot of money.
We're gonna have to earn it.
How?
I'll write the name on the bottom of this stone.
The g*n?
You pig! You wanted to get me k*lled! When did you unload it?
Last night.
You see, in this world, there's two kinds of people, my friend: those with loaded g*ns and those who dig.
You dig.
Where?
Here.
Unk... Un...
There's no name on it.
And there's no name here, either.
You see, that's what Bill Carson told me.
It was the grave marked "unknown", right beside Arch Stanton.
Go ahead.
(little pants of excitement)
Blondie! It's all ours, Blondie!
You're joking, Blondie. You wouldn't... You wouldn't play a joke on me like that.
It's no joke. It's a rope, Tuco.
I want you to stand up there and put your head in that noose.
(cross creaks)
Well, now... Seems just like old times.
Four for you.
And four...
Four for me.
Hey, Blon...
Blon...
Hey, Blondie...
Sorry, Tuco.
Blondie...
Blondie!
Blondie!
Blondie...
Blondie...
Blondie!
You son of a bitch...
Blondie...
Aaaarhh!
Hey, Blondie!
You know what you are?
Just a dirty son of a...
(melds into theme music)
Good, the Bad and the Ugly, The (1966)
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