06x03 - One Car, Two Car, Red Car, Blue Car

[bunniefuu]

Ashley?

Ashley? Hey.

Oh, hey. I thought you left.

No, I'm here. I made coffee.

Oh, cool.

I hope you don't mind that I'm watching your pilot.

Uh, no. I don't mind.

Since you would never show it to me.

I would have showed it to you.

What? What's so funny?

Oh, no. I was laughing at you.

Oh. I thought you were laughing at the show.

I was laughing at the show earlier.

Oh yeah? Yeah. Which one's your client?

The black kid. He plays Renoir.

Oh really? I hate him.

Do you really need to give me a hard time today, Ma?

Everyone's giving me a hard time today, Turtle.

I'm the laughingstock of the salon.

Come on, what's the big deal?

Did you see this caption?

"She's dating him?!"

Question mark, exclamation point, in bold.

At least I look good. No, you don't.

You look like sh*t. Sneakers with a tuxedo?

They're patent leather. They're ridiculous.

Ma, this is really not a great birthday call. Maybe it's a wakeup call.

You're no spring chicken anymore, Turtle. Get it together.

I'm trying. I know you are.

And I love you.

I love you too.

Have a happy birthday.

Thanks.

Jesus, take it easy.

I didn't even ask her to watch it.

And who says something like that anyway?

Maybe she's trying to be constructive. I hate him?

That's constructive? I hate when people tell me they hate me.

I didn't even ask her to sleep over.

She just did. That's bullshit.

This morning she used my French press and broke it.

Jesus Christ, E. You know what?

Now I hate her. So do I. She's done.

Okay, so she's done. So why are you letting her make you insecure?

I'm not letting her make me insecure.

Only a bitch lets a bitch make them insecure anyway.

I'm not letting her make me insecure, Drama. But you of all people should know how stressful a test screening can be.

I'm on a hit series now. Test screenings are long behind me.

So sorry if I can't coagulate with you.

I don't think you're using that word properly, Johnny.

Really? Whatever.

Just pray this test screening goes well.

'Cause Charlie really needs it and so does the Murphy Group.

You should have let me do that cameo they wanted me to do.

Then you'd both have had no worries.

You might have. I don't think Scorsese'd be thrilled to see you rolling around on the CW. No, you're probably right.

Ew, what are you doing? We're gonna pray.

Get off me.

What are you guys doing here? Turtle!

The birthday boy. Happy birthday, Turtle.

Thanks, Vin. I made you your favorite, with a little twist.

Interesting. Thanks.

What's wrong?

My mother's mean. She always was.

Remember your 13th birthday? She got you a Weight Watchers membership.

Didn't until now. What did she say?

She saw the "People" magazine pictures.

The sneakers. She thinks I'm a loser.

Turtle, you're in a magazine that's published all across the world.

You're not a loser. Now knock it off.

Come on, we have a lot of fun planned for you this birthday.

Yeah? What are we doing?

I have a little practice to do on the track.

So what, you want me to drive you there?

No, but I do want you to drive.

If you bump me, Drama, I'm gonna k*ll you.

If anybody bumps anybody in these cars, I'm gonna k*ll them.

Quit your whining, fellas. I'm playing to win.

You sure you got the nerves, baby bro?

Oh, I'm quite sure, Johnny.

Oh, and by the way, Turtle. Yeah, Vin?

I'm dedicating this victory to you, kid.

Never happen.

Yeah? We'll see.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Yeah! Yeah!

Damn!

That was awesome.

Unreal. Who would have thought I just got my license?

I think I need a Ferrari.

In this economy?

People will think you're a real douchebag.

Whoa whoa whoa.

Forget what people think. Whoo!

This thing is a beast.

Ahem.

What?

Happy birthday, Turtle.

Are you kidding? My gift's on the front seat.

Vin, I can't take this. Yes, you can.

It's a $200,000 car. $240, actually.

But I'm playing Enzo Ferrari, so I got 10% off.

Seriously, I don't feel right about this.

I didn't feel right about the last car I gave you getting repossessed.

Besides, I've had a great year and you're my good luck charm.

So please enjoy.

Okay. Happy birthday, Turtle.

It's Charlie.

Hey, what's up?

Any word? Not yet, but I'll call you as soon as I hear something.

Look, I'm nervous, E. I don't like tests.

Me either, but I think we're gonna be okay.

Look, would you call my mom and tell her that?

Yeah, I will. And I'll call you soon as I hear something.

All right, man. All right, later.

This kid's a mess.

And you're a rock.

I'm going to Ari's for the state of the union.

I'll catch up with you guys later.

Make sure it's strong. I still got to pay for this.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding. It's all paid for.

Good afternoon, Mr. Murphy. Mr. Murphy?

Mr. Gold is ready and awaiting your arrival.

Good, but what's with the "Mr. Murphy"?

Mr. Gold has asked me to be more formal when speaking with the clients, even the ones I consider friends.

Well, I don't like it. Oh, please tell him, because I don't either.

But please don't tell him I don't. I won't.

Would you like a kiwi-strawberry diet Hansen's?

Uh, no thanks. I'm fine.

Mr. Gold, Mr. Murphy is here.

Indeed he is.

Why are you smiling? I'm not smiling. I was...

Don't, this is an office. But...

Did you offer Mr. Murphy his favorite beverage?

Yes. He declined.

Lloyd has memorized all my clients' favorite drinks.

Oh.

I said no smiling. Yes, sir, Mr. Gold.

What are you doing to the guy? I'm making him a man.

Do you remember when I made you one? Yes, I do.

And did you thank me? No.

What's wrong? I'm a little stressed out.

Testing Charlie's pilot today, so...

TV? You're stressed out over TV?

You're in the feature film business.

And thanks to me you're now conquering it.

Talk to me, Ari. What have we got?

We got a $9 million offer from Paramount.

We got a $10 million offer from Fox.

And we got a $12 million offer from Universal.

I like it. Any of them good? They're all good.

Which one is the best? We'll have to read to decide.

Well, you know Vince's new motto... line 'em up.

Line 'em up we will. See, this town isn't so rough after all.

Oh wow, this is the studio.

Do you mind if I take this here? What else do I have to do?

Hey, Amy. Hey, Eric.

How were the scores? Well... the show tested 87%.

Excellent or very good. 87? That's amazing, right?

It is. It's not all positive.

What do you mean? Charlie didn't score as well.

What did he score? 59.

59? Jesus, what does that mean?

It means we're gonna replace him.

What's this sudden panic, Turtle?

I don't want you to miss out on this. I don't either.

Every time I get in a cab with some smelly guy wiping snot on his sleeve I dream of a world where this hot broad picks me up in a limo.

Lim-hos is a home run, Turtle.

But if you want the money from me, you're gonna have to wait.

I can't wait anymore. You got to understand, I need a partner now.

I understand. Just go ask Vince.

He's given me enough. Yeah, I hear ya.

Oh well. Sorry, brother.

Yeah, me too. I'll talk to you later, Ronnie.

Yo, Turtle. Yo, Curtis. What's up?

What's up, man? I see you out here in your daddy's car.

Don't be somber. At least you look good.

This is bullshit.

First they bring in some hack to rewrite his script, now they're gonna replace him as an actor on his own show?

Happens all the time. Yeah, well, it's not right.

The world is a cold and heartless place.

What am I supposed to do, Ari?

E, it's real simple. You stay on as producer or you walk out of pride. Either way Charlie's going.

This is unbelievable. Take heart.

You produce 100 episodes of even mediocre television and you can send the kid a Gulfstream to cry on.

Oh! What the f*ck?

I'm trying to snap you out of your funk.

I'm not in a funk. You are a little off though, Turtle.

It's birthday blues, I guess.

You got a hot car and a hot girlfriend coming over.

What do you have to be blue about? It's my birthday.

I can be whatever color I want.

Yello? Hey, Vince.

Yo, what's up, Charlie? E's not there, is he?

No he's not. Everything okay? I don't know.

I haven't heard anything from him. I think he's avoiding me.

I'm freaking out over here. He's not avoiding you, Charlie.

All right, then where is he? I don't know.

But if I hear from him I'll have him hit you back.

All right, man. Thanks. Cool. Bye.

What's up? E's M.I.A.

Maybe he's just so small that nobody can find him.

Wow. Even when he's not here to defend himself.

I can't help it, bro. I'm sorry.

That's probably Jamie.

Oh-ho-ho!

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

What? Nothing. Stay here.

Happy birthday. What did you do?

Damn, Turtle, you're cleaning up.

You don't like it?

What's so funny?

We should have coagulated. What do you mean?

That's my gift.

Oh no. Yup.

Unbelievable.

Well, you deserve everything.

Why do you guys think I'm such a loser?

Loser? What are you talking about?

I knew you didn't have a car.

I can buy my own car. How?

But I thought you'd really like it.

I do like it. Of course I like it.

Then enjoy it.

Come on, you want to take me for a spin?

Yeah. There's something I got to do real quick.

Can I drop you at home and then see you at dinner?

Yeah, sure. Okay.

Enjoy your new car.

Yo, E, it's Vince. I haven't heard from you all day and Charlie called. Where you at? Call me.

No answer.

Oh, Jeez.

Renoir, man. Today is your lucky day.

I'm parting with one of my favorite decks.

Giving Grassers first sh*t at it. Let me check it out.

Hello? Eric.

You scared the sh*t out of me.

Me too. What are you still doing here?

Oh, I'm sorry. Your bed was just so comfortable I didn't want to leave.

Oh, it's 3:00.

I didn't know you had a check-out time.

No, I don't. I just... I can go.

No, it's okay. I'm just gonna watch the pilot again.

Oh, did you get any word on the screening?

Yeah, they hated him just like you did.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I feel bad.

I shouldn't have put that out there in the universe.

Well, I don't think that's why they hated him, but thanks.

Okay, well, why do you think they hated him?

I don't know. That's what I'm gonna try to figure out.

Well, do you want a second eye? Sure.

Ashley. Hmm?

I'm sorry.

I'll go put pants on. Thank you.

Or we could watch it upstairs.

I'll cover up. I can't focus.

So just don't let me distract you.

We get that, all right? Give it to them.

But at the same time, we've got to give them... excuse me, everybody. I'll be right back.

Turtle, what's up? Everything okay with Vince?

Oh yeah, Vince is fine. Oh, thank God.

I thought you were gonna tell me you ran over him with the Ferrari.

No. Then what are you doing here?

I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute.

Talk to me about what? Career advice.

For who? For me.

But you don't have a career. Five minutes.

I'm in a meeting. Come on, Ari.

It's my birthday.

Five minutes.

Lloyd, tell them I'll be right back.

What's up, Lloyd? Hello, Mr... Turtle.

What's up?

I'm looking for funding for a business idea that I have.

Did you go to a bank? Yeah.

They laughed in my face 'cause I have no collateral.

Did you tell them about your hat collection?

Come on, Ari. You live with a guy who just gave you a quarter-of-a-million-dollar car.

You need money, go to him. I'm trying to do this on my own.

Coming here asking me for money is not doing it on your own.

No no no, I'm not asking you for money. I'm asking you to put me in touch with people who invest in businesses and I know you know those kinds of people.

You've stuck with Vince through all the rough times.

Now he's on easy street and you want to branch out on your own?

You two have a fight? No.

I just think it's time for me to make something of myself.

Turtle, do you know what it takes to make something of yourself?

I mean, come on. I worked a job through college and grad school. Lloyd!

Yes, Mr. Gold? Hit the stack.

In front of people? I'm not performing.

"The Kingdom of Foibles." "The Kingdom of Foibles" written by Karen Brown.

"A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court" meets "Die Hard."

A man awakes in the midst of...

This man can quote from the entire stack.

That is what he's willing to put in for his own success.

He's paying his dues. When have you paid yours?

I'm willing to pay them now. And I have a great idea.

So do all these idiots. Can you execute it?

I think I can.

In this life, no one is going to invest because you think you can.

Do you have a business plan?

No. I mean, I haven't sat down and put...

What do you need? Office space, insurance? How many employees?

What do you project to earn? What do you need to break even?

At what point can your investors see some profit? I don't know!

I don't know.

Look... when my son was born, my greatest fear was having this conversation.

I knew that I would give him anything he wanted because he was my son and I couldn't say no.

Which sucks, 'cause it wouldn't help him and he'd just end up on the street doing heroin with the two Coreys because I was too much of a p*ssy to teach him a lesson.

I won't make that mistake with you. Just say no.

I can pull this off, Ari.

Come back to me when you can prove it.

Um, no, ma'am. I don't think that's the case.

Why?

Well, because skateboards don't get flat tires.

No, I'm not calling your son a liar whatsoever.

Hold on. Can you quiet that damn bird?

What, you don't like birds?

No, I just don't like anything that talks that much.

Hello? No, Mrs. Henderson, I wasn't talking to you.

What?

Why does he have to keep yelling at the bird?

Because it's funny.

Not to me it isn't. You think that's one of the reasons people don't like him, 'cause he yelled at the bird?

It's one of the reasons I don't like him.

But I'm a big animal lover, so...

What are some of the other reasons?

I don't know.

You don't know?

I don't want to say it.

You're gonna hold back now? You already told me you hate him.

So what specifically about him do you hate?

I think he sucks. You think he sucks?

Yes, and you have to think he sucks also, Eric.

Because he really does suck.

I mean, he seems nervous and uncomfortable.

It makes me nervous and uncomfortable just to watch him.

Are you mad? No. I'm not mad.

I guess that's probably why I didn't fight more when they said they wanted to replace him.

So he sucks. Yeah, okay, he sucks.

Well, doesn't that feel better? No.

It doesn't. I found him.

I sold this show... his show.

He put a year of work into it and I can't do anything to help him.

But you can try. You're very persuasive when you want to be.

You think? I wanted to go home with Drama the night we met.

What am I supposed to do? Tell him I think he's great?

You're in sales... that's what you do.

Wow, it's been a whole 10 minutes since I've been called by one of the Jonas Brothers. What's up, E?

When you told me to get rid of Charlie, was that your honest answer or were you just looking out for Vince?

Vince is my client who is producing the show with you.

So of course I'm looking out for him. Oh, come on, Ari.

Vince doesn't care about the show, you know that. He's a producer in name only.

But Charlie is my client who I do care about.

So if you pretended to care about him and you were me, what would you do?

What's the difference? I'd like to try to do something.

What I'm capable of doing and what you're capable of doing are two totally different things.

What would you do? I would make a scene of biblical proportions. I would lie, scream, beg, borrow and steal.

And if that somehow didn't part Amy Miller's legs, then I would call racism. And I would yell for all to hear, "You're really gonna fire my poor black client off the show he created?!

I'm calling NAACP, the Reverend Al Sharpton and the ghost of my man Malcolm X."

Awesome.

I guess I'll try my own thing.

Good luck.

Is she in? Yes, let me tell her you're here.

I'll tell her. Mr. Murphy...

I just want you to know that what you guys are doing is disgusting.

Charlie busted his ass for you and you guys are gonna toss him because, what?

40 idiots from Modesto who had nothing better to do today than to watch a pilot in order to get a free lunch claim they didn't like him? I liked him!

That's why I signed him. And you liked him, that's why you cast him.

You were right. Don't doubt yourself now.

Charlie Williams is this network's next superstar.

Do you really believe that? Yeah.

I do.

Okay. Well, I'm sorry. We don't.

There is no way that Charlie Williams is going to be acting in this show.

Well, then maybe you're a r*cist.

I can't believe you actually said that.

Yeah, me either. You should have seen the look on Amy Miller's face.

I can only imagine.

Now I've gotta go see Charlie's face. I had to fire my brother once.

Really? From a paper route. It was rough.

My parents wouldn't talk to me for a week. That's a good story, Ari.

E. Yeah?

At least you went for it. So what?

Where did it get me? Some much needed lying experience.

So? Next time you'll come up with a better lie.

You're the one that told me to say that.

Yeah, but I can't believe you actually did.

Me either. Listen, E, I'm proud of you. Thanks, Ari.

Later. Later.

Are you trying to teach someone how to lie?

What? No!

And how could you fire Uncle Howard?

You're really not going to get me a gift?

No, I'm really not.

Because grown men shouldn't buy other grown men birthday gifts unless they're f*cking.

No offense, bro. No offense taken, Johnny.

But come on! It's the kid's 30th birthday.

E got him something. You gotta get him something.

With the mood he was in all day? No way.

He's not in a mood anymore. Huh-uh.

Why not? What happened? Tell them.

I was gonna wait till we sat down, until E comes.

No one knows where E is. Come on, speak up.

I'm going back to school.

What?

Yep. Get out of here. Really?

It was my idea... so he can learn how to really run a business.

Wow, impressive! Really impressive.

Thanks. You know what? Stevie?

Get us the best bottle of wine in the house.

You got it, Vince. Very nice.

You know, I saw on CNN that sending a child to school should run around $200,000.

This is a birthday gift I'd be proud to give.

I got you covered. Jesus, Johnny!

That' great, Drama, but this is UCLA Extension...

Business Management courses... $1292.

Oh. It's the thought that counts. Yeah.

Johnny, did you know that?

I did. Oh my God.

Of course he did. I should've let him write the check.

Seriously. Vince, are you guys ready to sit?

Yes, we are.

Oh, look at here. Where the hell have you been?

They fired Charlie off the pilot today.

Ow. Oh man, that's awful.

I had to tell him. That was really awful.

Oh, that poor bastard. I cried every time I got fired from a pilot.

And we're off the show too, Vince. I can't do this without Charlie.

No, of course not. You're not mad?

Mad? No, I just feel sorry for Charlie.

I mean, you and me, we're okay. Yeah.

No? Yeah.

Yo, we'll meet you guys over in a sec. Yeah.

What up? I would have liked this for me too.

You know, prove I could pull my own weight on this deal.

You have pulled your own weight. That's why I am where I am.

The team is all good, so what's really going on?

What do you mean? Is it about Sloan?

What? Want to prove you can get out from under the Vincent Chase shadow?

Hey, look, I'll support you all I can, but I can't help it if the shadow just keeps growing larger.

It's actually not about Sloan. I like Ashley.

Really? You hated her this morning. Yeah, well, things changed.

Everywhere it seems.

Turtle's going to school. Really?

Everybody wants to be their own man, I guess.

But don't worry, E, it's all good. I'm gonna let you buy dinner.

Oh, thanks. Hey, E!

This wine is insane. It should be. It is not cheap.

Two more bottles, please. Really?

Yeah, E's buying dinner. Big spender!

Happy birthday, Turtle. Here we go.

Thank you, guys, thank you.