06x14 - The Glamorous Life

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Desperate Housewives". Aired: October 3, 2004 - May 13, 2012.*
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Behind the illusion of a picture-perfect subdivision live four women whose lives are anything but normal.
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06x14 - The Glamorous Life

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on Desperate Housewives.

Your ex-husband
was part owner in a business.

Susan came into an inheritance.

Who do I speak to about
selling my share of Herpes On Parade?

Lynette acquiesced.

Looks like we'll be going
to therapy together.

That is great news. Thank you.

As soon as I graduate high school,
I'm going to New York to be a model.

Angie's concerns
made her more protective.

You know I've always felt bad
about the way we've had to raise you.

Being on the run and all.

The door stays open.

- I want it closed.
- You stink.

And you're a whore.
Here's the difference, I can get clean.

- Stop!
- Say "please!"

And Orson expressed his feelings.

Please! That's the life I'm facing now!

Having to ask people for help
for everything!

Do you know how hard that is?

Orson Hodge was smiling again,
and it was starting to worry his wife.

You see, since his accident,
Bree Hodge had grown accustomed

to her husband's
severe mood swings.

She had grown used to
his unexpected rage.

His sudden anguish.

His deep depression.

But lately, an odd tranquility
had settled over Orson,

and his wife had the feeling
something was terribly wrong.

Sadly, she was right.

Yeah, you just gotta move it
to the side. Yeah.

What's, um, going on here?

Hello, Bree. Just thought I'd give away
some things I don't need anymore.

Hey, Orson.
You got these in an eight and a half?

Sorry, Roy. We just carry men's sizes.

Look, I can understand

why you might want to give away
your sporting equipment.

But why would you give away
your books and your CDs?

And for God's sake,
you can still use your headphones.

These are amazing!

Give me those.

Ow!

What is wrong with you people?
Don't you realize

you're taking advantage of a man
who is emotionally distraught?

He seemed to be in a great mood.

Until Lady Sunshine walked in.

We're sorry, Bree. We assumed
you guys had talked about it.

Well, we didn't.
And that doesn't excuse the fact

that you're all acting
like a bunch of vultures.

It's a good thing I came home,
or you'd be picking through his closet.

You know what, guys? We should go.

And please leave your plunder behind.

Hey, come on.
At my age, it's just a short-term loan.

What has gotten into you?

I'm sorry, darling.
I had no intention of upsetting you.

Keep my things, give them away.
Ultimately, it doesn't matter.

Yes, Orson Hodge was smiling again.

And Bree would soon learn
the reason why.

You see, her husband
had decided to k*ll himself.

In this never-ending drama we call life,
everyone has a part to play.

Some are cast as romantic leads,

others end up playing the victim

and a few provide comic relief.

But if the drama
is to be really compelling,

there must be a hero and a villain.

Hey, Mrs. Kinsky.

Look who's here, the garbage police.

I hate to bug you, but
you're still not separating your glass

and your plastics.

The city passed
that ordinance, remember?

How I envy you.

Young, pretty, able to crouch for hours
behind a bush

waiting for a neighbor
to dump her trash.

Look, maybe you don't get
how easy it is to recycle.

I get it. I just don't want to do it.

I've been throwing Styrofoam into
the trash since before you were born,

and the sky is still blue
and the grass is still green.

Maybe now. But what will it be like
for our grandchildren?

My son is sh**ting blanks
and my daughter likes the ladies.

Grandkids are the least of my concerns.

So, you don't care
about our planet at all?

By the time it's a problem,
I'll be long gone.

Let the cockroaches
and the robots fight over it.

- What was that all about?
- What do you think?

Come on. Look, one old crank
doesn't want to recycle.

You don't care about that stuff
anymore, remember?

Of course I still care.

Fine. Yeah, you can care.
Just don't be blowing our cover.

So, what am I supposed to do?

Stand back
and watch her defile our planet?

That's exactly
what you're supposed to do.

Sometimes you chain yourself
to the tree,

and sometimes you go after the guy
with the saw.

That's what Patrick used to say.

We don't talk about Patrick anymore.

- I'm just saying.
- So am I.

So, the lawyer says you sign right here

and you are officially bought out
of the strip-club business.

Let's hope I don't get my share
in singles.

And here's a little something
to remember us by.

"Lap dancing, it's a grind."

Well, I will be sure to wear this

on the next field trip I take
with my students. Thanks, Jimbo.

- Good luck.
- You, too.

- Bye, Mrs. D.
- Take care, Robin.

Moby d*ck?

It's not what you think.
It's about a whale.

Yes, I know. It's a classic.

Well, I saw an article about 100 books
you should read before dying,

and I thought, you know, with all
the high cholesterol in my family,

I'd better get cracking.

Good for you.

So, what are you going to do now?

Well, this was never really my job.
I'm actually a teacher.

Really? That is so cool.

I thought about being a teacher.
I actually went a couple semesters,

but then my family
had some money problems,

and, well, nine years later,
I'm still wearing tassels.

Robin, you're being requested
in the VIP lounge.

Well, good luck with those 100 books.

Thank you.

Not this guy again.

I keep telling him to keep the tips
and buy himself a toothbrush.

Robin, wait.

You don't have to keep doing this
if it makes you unhappy.

Well, I've got bills to pay, Mrs. Delfino.

No, I know.
But you don't have to work here.

You could do anything you want.

That's easy to say.

Well, I mean it.
It is never too late to change your life.

Robin, now.

Thank you.

Are you taking that with you?

When customers get grabby,

I like to have something
to whack them with.

I almost k*lled a guy
with w*r and Peace.

So, I'm driving,
this guy pulls out in front of me...

- Cuts him off!
- Yes!

- I was a little pissed.
- You were furious!

But at the stoplight,
when I start to tell the guy off,

Tom leans over and says,

"Sorry, no big deal,
she's just having a bad day."

You didn't have to
take the guy's head off.

He was a maniac!

- She flipped him the bird!
- I was sticking up for you!

Yes, but Tom was driving, Lynette.
Whether he chose to ignore it

or tried to run the man off the road,
it's his decision.

Let him be in the driver's seat
sometimes, literally and figuratively.

Bringing the score to Tom, four,
and controlling bitch, zero.

There's no scoreboard in this room,
you know that.

Well, I think you both did
some great work today.

Next Tuesday, same time?

Thanks, Doctor, it felt really great.

Yeah, great.

I always feel so much better
when we get out of there.

- Yeah, I bet you do.
- Well, don't you?

I mean,
I really think she's got this working.

Yeah, I think she's got this working.
And this is getting b*at up.

Come on, Lynette, don't feel like that.

It's true. She always sides with you.

- I want a second opinion.
- Lynette.

Maybe we should think about
seeing another therapist.

When we started, you loved her.

Yeah, and when we started,
I loved you, too. Things change.

Now, let's go.

Hold on, I think I left my keys.

No, I can't.
I have dress rehearsal tonight.

Okay, talk to you later.

- I'm sorry. I forgot my keys.
- That's okay.

I didn't mean to eavesdrop.
Did you say you had dress rehearsal?

That? Yes, I'm sort of in a little play
that runs this weekend.

Really? You're an actor, too?

Well, I dabbled in college.

I have a bit of a gift,
so I try to keep it alive.

What's the play?
I mean, we'd love to come see it.

Antony and Cleopatra.
But it's just a community production.

I would never force you to sit through it.

Okay, well, if you don't
want us to come...

Here's a flyer. Matinees are half off.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I need Ana to watch the girls
while I run to the store,

and, big shock,
she's not answering her cell.

No problem. Come on in.

They're just up in Danny's room. Ana!

Gabby's here!

So, they're in Danny's room?

Yeah, they were listening to music.

It was so loud,
I made them shut the door.

Ah.

So, they're by themselves
with the door shut?

Just a couple of teenagers
alone with their genitals.

Ana! Get your ass down here!

Gabby, what's the big deal?

They're just hanging out
in Danny's room.

With a mattress!

Why don't you just cr*ck a bottle
of champagne on Ana's pelvis

and wish Danny a bon voyage?

Ana! Now!

Hold on! I'm coming!

I'm sure she meant she's on her way.

What's going on?

I have to run to the store.
I need you to watch the girls.

That's it?
Jeez, I thought the house was on fire.

Let me grab my stuff.

So, you're worried
they might be doing it?

Yeah. And what I don't get is
why you're not worried.

They are healthy, red-blooded kids.

They're going to do
what they're going to do.

So, we say nothing
and just fluff their pillows?

No. We make sure
they don't do anything stupid.

Have you gotten Ana birth control?

I make her spend time
with Juanita and Celia.

I was hoping that would do it.

Come on, Gabby. You have to
talk to her about safe sex, condoms...

She's only 17. She's too young.

How old were you when you first did it?

Ana, hurry up!
I've got to hit the pharmacy, too!

Oh.

I didn't hear you come in.

"Dearest Bree, I will always love you,
but the will to fight on has left me,

"so I've chosen to exit life
on my own terms."

Is this a su1c1de note?

It's really more of a su1c1de rough draft.

Oh, my God.

I didn't mean for you
to find out this way.

But now that you know,
at least we can discuss it like adults.

There is nothing to discuss.

Orson, this is obviously
the depression talking.

We will get you some medication.

Bree, Bree. There's no need for you
to feel badly about this.

I've had a good life. Let me go.

I will do no such thing. I forbid this.

Do you hear me?
You will not be k*lling yourself.

I will remove every Kn*fe, rope,
and pill from this house.

And if I have to,
I will be with you 24 hours a day.

Well, being bored to death
wasn't how I was planning to go,

but we can try it your way.

Orson.

I'll give you some time to adjust to this.

But understand me.
It's going to happen.

What's with the condoms?

Calm down, they're not for you.

Just what every man
wants to hear from his wife. So?

Okay, hear me out. You know how Ana
is dating Danny Bolen?

I'm going to k*ll him.

- And we have to be realistic.
- With my bare hands.

Because they're not going to listen
to reason.

And bury him under the porch.

No! Carlos, what choice do we have?

They're two teenagers
who are getting seriously involved.

Isn't it better to be safe than sorry?

But giving them these
is like giving them our blessing.

And that's how I felt at first,

but like Angie said,
nature's going to take its course.

Yeah, easy for her to say.
She's got the boy.

What if the condom breaks?
What if he forgets to put it on?

If he knocks Ana up, who do you think's
gonna end up raising the kid?

God, that would be awful.

Getting up for those 3:00 a.m. feedings
after you've worked all day.

Not me, you!
You'll end up taking care of the baby.

So you better convince her
to keep her legs crossed

until she's out of this house.

Wait, how is this my problem?
She's your trampy niece.

Because if she gets pregnant,

I'll be in prison for k*lling
what's buried underneath the porch.

- Mrs. D!
- Robin?

I hope you don't mind me
just showing up,

but I thought about what you said,
and you were right.

It's never too late to change your life,

- so I quit Double D's.
- You did?

I was pretty scared at first, but now
I think it's the best thing I ever did.

Well, that's great.

I never would've had the guts
without talking to you.

You're like my role model.

Really? That's sweet.

My old role model was Candi,
down at the club, but she OD'd.

Well, I will try to do Candi proud.

Good for you, Robin.
I know change takes a lot of courage.

It sure does.

So, what do I do now?

- Huh?
- Well, you know,

what's my next move?
Where do I work now?

I'm sorry. You quit without having
anything else lined up?

I know it was a little hasty. But you said
I could do whatever I wanted.

You sounded so sure.
You're still sure, right?

Yes. Yes. I'm very sure.
The world is your oyster.

You have saved up, right?

She stripped for nine years
and didn't put anything away?

Apparently, there was a boob job
and a bad relationship,

and the rising cost of glitter.
I have to find a way to help her.

And why is this your responsibility?

Because I'm the one
that told her to quit.

I didn't think she'd listen.
No one listens to me.

I keep telling you how much
I hate that shirt, and there it is.

Okay, we'll help her.
What do you have in mind?

We need to find her a job.

Well, what can she do?
Does she have any skills

that don't involve picking up a dollar
without using her hands?

Why are you so sad?

Well, MJ, I need a job
and I don't have any skills.

You're so pretty,
you could be a princess.

Oh.

Look, MJ is so smitten with her.

He's a guy.

And she's good with kids.

That's it!

They've been looking for an assistant
art teacher down at the school.

She said she always wanted
to do something like that.

Well, you think she can handle it?

We glue macaroni to shoe boxes.
It's not the hardest job in the world.

Now see, how come when I say that,
you give me that look?

And there it is again.

Thanks for cheering me up, MJ.
You're so sweet.

You can give me a bath if you want to.

Roy!

Jeez, you scared the crap out of me!

Where's Orson?
You're supposed to be watching him.

Don't worry.
I stuck him in the laundry room

and put a broom through his spokes.

Hello, Bree. Can we please cross Roy
off the su1c1de-watch list?

Hey, you're alive. My job's done here.

Where have you been? You were
supposed to be back an hour ago.

I'm sorry, but I had to stop
and pick up our guests.

What guests?

Orson, meet Chris and Ron.
Now, I know you won't listen to me,

but you might listen to them,
since you have something in common.

Really?
Are you Gilbert and Sullivan fans, too?

Sense of humor. That's very important.

Now, I know you think
there's no reason to go on living

because you're paralyzed.

So you thought, "Hey!
You know what might cheer him up?

"Two more paralyzed guys."

Please, just hear them out.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to make some tea.

So, your wife tells us
you're in a pretty negative place.

Well, that's to be expected.
But eventually...

Look, I know you mean well, but I don't
need a handicapped pep talk.

Hey, we're not handicapped.
We're handi-capable.

Oh, Lord.

We play basketball, dance,
we make love...

And I hope you're very happy together.

I, unfortunately, don't have someone
to join me on this journey.

You have a wife who clearly loves you.

Wow. Paralyzed and blind.

You must always be the first one
to board the plane.

Look, we know
what you're going through.

A lot of us feel unloved
after something like this happens.

No, you don't understand.

My wife stays with me
solely out of obligation.

Orson!
How could you say such a thing?

It's true, isn't it?

You feel guilty because you know
I never would've been hit by that plane

if I hadn't gotten in a fistfight
with your lover.

This is the thanks I get?

I have bent over backwards
to make your life easier.

I should just let you hang yourself.

Hey, don't we have a basketball game
at 2:00?

Can you be honest for one moment?
You don't love me!

Yeah. We should go.

Please stay. I've made tea.

See? You can't deny it.

Go ahead, Bree. Correct me.
Say you love me.

I

care very deeply for you.

That's what I thought.

I'm feeling a little upset right now.

Would you mind
rolling yourselves out?

Ana, let me ask you something.
Are you happy?

Why?

Well, Carlos and I
want you to be happy.

Over the last few months, we've come
to think of you as our own daughter.

Really?

In fact, your uncle thinks it's about time

you and I had that little talk
about the birds and the bees.

Oh, God.

That's how I feel.
So, we're not going to be doing that.

Okay.

Instead, I'm going to write you a check.

A check?

A check big enough to cover
one whole year of modeling school

and to rent a decent-sized apartment
in New York.

Okay, what's the catch?

That's so cute
that you think there's a catch.

- This isn't signed.
- That's the catch.

I will sign it once you graduate
high school without having had sex.

Or more sex, as the case may be.

Are you serious?

Ana, I could talk to you
about morality,

or saving yourself for marriage,

or statistics about STDs,

but I think you're the kind of girl
who responds to cold, hard cash.

You know me well.

So do we have a deal?

Are you going to be a successful model
with a nice apartment,

or a teenage mom with no future?

Well, when you put it like that...

Good girl.

And to answer your earlier question,
I'm now very happy.

I can't believe I let you talk me into this.
Three hours of Shakespeare

for a woman
who has to pee every 20 minutes.

Come on.
Dr. Graham's been so supportive of us.

Can't we be supportive of her?

This isn't about support.
This is about little Tommy,

teacher's pet,
wanting a gold star for butt-kissing.

That's not true.

Nay, but this dotage of our...

Please. You brought her
a $40 box of chocolates.

Last Mother's Day, you threw me
a bagel and called it breakfast in bed.

Admit it.
You just have a problem with her

because you hate it
when someone points out your flaws.

That's not true! I can take
constructive criticism just fine.

- You're being a little loud.
- Sorry.

See? I can take constructive criticism.

You're still talking.

You're still annoying. Relax!

Shh. She's making her entrance.

Grates me, the sum.

Nay, hear them, Antony.

Fulvia, perchance, is angry,
or who knows

if the beard...

If the scarce-bearded Caesar
have not sent you

his powerful mandate.

"Do this, or this.

"Take in that kingdom,
and enfranchise that.

"Perform't, or else we damn thee."

- Hey, how was the play?
- Hey.

Lincoln had a better time
at the theater.

Really? So how bad was it?

You remember how horrible your
second-grade Arbor Day play was?

But at least we were drunk for that.

Honestly,
how did Dr. Graham get that part?

Is she sleeping with the director?

Sleeping with, bathing,
donating a kidney, it's still not enough.

I just hope that I can erase this from
my memory before our next session.

Are you kidding?
We're not seeing her again.

Why not?

We're not going to continue
to take life lessons

from a woman
who burped during her death scene.

That has nothing to do with her skills
as a therapist.

Really? Did she not tell you
she has a gift for acting?

- Yeah.
- Well, I can't trust the judgment

of someone
with absolutely no self-awareness.

- We're not going back.
- This is an excuse.


You have been looking
for a reason to dump her

ever since our last session.

Tom, I learned two things tonight.

Dr. Graham has no insight
into real human behavior,

and there are 428 tiles
on the ceiling of that theater.

Say what you want,
we are going to our next session.

- Mmm...
- Mmm-hmm.

And by the way, it was 429.

Morning.

Robin Gallagher, teaching assistant,
reporting for duty.

Hey, look at you.

I wanted to look professional.

Do you like the glasses?
I don't even need them.

You look great. That's a beautiful suit.

Thanks. It is so nice
to wear work clothes

that don't rip away
to reveal crotchless panties.

Yeah, you're preaching to the choir.

So, I'm just going to get the kids
started painting.

And why don't you hang those globes
that we made last week?

Okay.

Can I say something?

You really took a chance on me.

No one's ever done that for me before.
So, thank you.

You're welcome.

I'm really glad you're here.

Hey, careful.
Never let the kids see you cry.

If they sense weakness, you're done.

Sorry we're late. Forgot his backpack.

That's okay, Mr. Linwood.
Come on, Kyle. Let's get you painting.

Who's that?

That's my new teaching assistant,
Miss Gallagher.

No, Bobby!
That's not how we use pipe cleaners.

I'm sorry, do we know each other?

I don't think so.

Are you sure? You look so familiar.

I guess I just have one of those faces.

What did you want to see me about,
Principal Hobson?

You are aware, aren't you,
that as a private school,

we depend on the financial support
of our more affluent parent donors?

- I am aware of that.
- Good.

Because I just got a call from
Kyle Linwood's father, a major donor.

Is it true that your assistant

can break a five
by shaking out her underwear?

- I don't want to take a bath!
- That's too bad.

It's time to give the Earth back
some of its dirt. Go!

Hey, I'm going to be upstairs for a bit.
What are you guys up to tonight?

We're just going to stay home
and study.

Good girl.

Why are you getting me all worked up?

I thought you made your aunt
a promise.

I promised her I wouldn't have sex.
I didn't promise you wouldn't.

Fine, I'll sort it myself!

Mr. Solis...

Okay, don't freak out, okay?

What the hell are you doing?

Hey, I'm... I'm sorry.
This won't happen again.

Uncle Carlos, it's no big deal.

You think you can come into my house
and do this?

Answer me!

- Answer me! Answer me!
- Get your hands off me, man!

I catch you near her again,
I will kick your ass, boy.

Let go of him!

You know what I caught your son
doing in my house?

- I don't care.
- Carlos, what is going on?

I said let go!

God! Angie, what the hell?

Wait for me outside.

- Ma, please, don't.
- Outside!

Look, I came in
and found him on top of her...

I don't care. He's my kid.
You ever touch him again, you're dead.

Hey, Bolen! I see you tried to separate
my glass and plastic!

- Suck it, Earth!
- Ma!

Come on, Mom, let's go.

So, maybe you shouldn't just think
about what you want to say,

but about how you say it,
so Tom can hear you.

That's a theory.

Is something bothering you, Lynette?

It's the pregnancy.

This morning she got mad at me
over the way I drank my orange juice.

Is that all?

You know you're in a safe place here.
We can tell each other anything.

Okay, since this is a safe place.

Tom and I saw your play
the other night.

You did? Well, why didn't you
come backstage and say hello?

Well, the truth is,
I didn't know what to say, because

I didn't really like it.

I know.

Our Antony was dreadful.

You weren't the only one
who thought so.

No, actually, I was talking about you.
You were

really not very good,

and now I've sort of lost confidence
in you as a therapist.

Oh.

Okay. Do you want to elaborate?

No. I think I said what I needed to say.

Uh-huh.

See, this is the same thing
in your marriage.

You criticize Tom,
but you won't be specific.

It's sort of the coward's way out.

Coward?

Okay. You sucked.
You were really, really bad.

Three words. Stink, stank, stunk.

Specific enough?

Good for you, Lynette.
I commend you for your honesty.

Although the Fairview Herald
had a different take.

They found my Cleopatra
incandescent.

Oh, my God. You actually believe that.

See? This is why
we can't see her anymore.

Tom, you haven't weighed in yet.
What did you think?

I thought you were great.

What? Liar!

You said you've seen seals playing
horns that put on a better show.

There's no need to bully him
into agreeing with you.

I wouldn't have to bully him
if he would man up for once.

- Lynette, you're attacking.
- Of course.

Because I'm always the bad cop,
he's always the good cop.

Could you just once
not be such a wuss?

Damn right, I'm the good cop.
Someone has to be.

Because bad coplbad cop
doesn't work.

I grew up in that house,
and it doesn't work.

That is not it.
You like me being the bad guy.

That way you can always be
the good guy. But guess what?

I'd love to be the good guy
once in a while, but I can't.

Because when things get hard
or a difficult decision has to get made,

you run from confrontation.

And if I don't step into the void,
things grind to a halt,

because I've got news for you,

good coplgood cop doesn't work, either.

You're right.

Really?

I like to be liked. And because of that,

a lot of the ugly stuff I defer to you.

And I'm sorry.

Your performance
was aggressively bad.

At one point, during the second act,

I started to choke on a mint,
and thought about not fighting it.

Thank you.

Wow. This was quite a breakthrough.

And you're right.

You're a wonderful therapist.

Thank you, Lynette.

Now, both of you,
get the hell out of my office.

So, we catch her son on top
of our niece and we have to apologize?

No, we have to apologize

because you almost put her son's head
through a wall.

When are you going to learn
v*olence is not the answer?

I shouldn't have to tell you this.
You know better!

You've known it for 19 years!
You're smarter than this!

This is not the first time
we've had this conversation.

I feel like I'm talking to a wall here!

What is going on here?

What the hell is wrong with you?

Oh, God.
He's ripping Danny a new one.

- Damn it, Angie...
- Okay, Nick!

- Just leave me alone!
- No, no, hey! You are getting sloppy!

- We should go.
- Yeah, we should.

First you get into it
with that crazy lady about her recycling,

which I told you not to do,
and then, guess what?

She comes over this morning and says
she's thinking about suing us.

- Okay, I lost my cool!
- Well, get it back!

Because this rock we are hiding under
is not that big,

and if people start poking around,
we're done!

And then, bam, he fires her
for something she used to do.

It's so hypocritical. I mean,
why not get mad at the kid's father?

He obviously goes to Double D's.

I just hope I didn't get you
into any trouble, Mrs. D. I feel awful.

No, no, no. This is not your fault.

When I'm sad,
my mom gives me a big hug.

Down, tiger.

What am I going to do?
I have no money for rent.

I'm just going to end up homeless.

Maybe I should go
and beg for my old job back.

No, no, you can't do that.
Quitting that place took a lot of guts.

How do you feel
about letting her move in here?

Julie's gone, we have her empty room.
It's just until she gets on her feet.

You're asking if I'm okay
with letting a stripper live with us?

I'm going to go with "no."

- Why not?
- I have no idea.

I'm just really sure
this is a trick question.

She's a nice girl, and she's in trouble.

You know, I think of myself as
a good person who cares about others,

and how often do I actually
get to walk the walk?

This is an opportunity
to really help someone.

I want to do it.

Okay.

Okay, let's go make an ex-stripper
and a little boy very happy.

What's this for?

The Lackeys' 50th-anniversary party.
Don't you remember?

I'm sorry. I thought I'd be dead by now,

so I wasn't paying much attention
to our social calendar.

Well, regardless, you're going.

And if you're still around next Saturday,
we've got brunch with my family.

Well, now you're just daring me!

Orson, Walter is about to make a toast.
Don't you want to hear it?

A speech about the joys
of wedded bliss?

Pass.

Walter and Shirley
are about to dance to a song

that was played at their wedding.

But before they do,
Walter would like to say a few words.

Want to thank you all for coming.
50 years. It hardly seems possible.

Now, I'm not going to lie to you
and say it's always been easy.

We've had our share of tragedy

and we've said a few things
we wish we could take back.

But for the most part,
we've been lucky,

because no matter how old we get,
we've always been able to remember

what made us fall in love
in the first place. Right, hon?

Orson.

Orson! Stop! Don't you dare
throw yourself in that pool!

I want to die. Why can't you let me?

Because I want things, too.

I want a party like this someday
to celebrate our life together.

What is there about our life
to celebrate?

Look at Walter and Shirley in there.

I was watching them dance
with such passion in their eyes,

but I know
they haven't always been like that.

They've had their rough times, too.
But they stuck it out.

Because they're in love.

I asked you if you loved me,
and you couldn't answer.

Fine. I'll answer you now.

I loved you once.

Can I love you again?

I don't know.

But I would like to recapture
what we once had.

And how can we do that
if you're not here?

So, I'm asking you,

please stay.

In this never-ending drama we call life,

everyone has a part to play.

Some are cast as romantic leads,

others end up being the victim,

and a few always provide comic relief.

And then there are those
who end up playing the hero,

especially if they feel there's a villain

who lives just across the street.
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