02x07 - Tasteful Noods Adventure

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Look up there ♪
- ♪ What do you see? ♪

♪ Nature and stuff ♪

- ♪ Like a rock ♪
- ♪ And a tree ♪

♪ Oh, the Great North ♪

♪ Way up here,
you can breathe the air ♪

♪ Catch some fish ♪

♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪

♪ Wow ♪

♪ Oh, the Great North ♪

♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪

♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪

♪ From longest night
to longest day ♪

♪ In the Great North. ♪

HAM: Oh, I'm so nervous

to see where I got assigned
for Careers Week.

I promise you from
the bottom of my heart

that I will support your
arbitrarily assigned career

- no matter what.
- DRAMA JOHN: Oh, my God.

I got The Bean Factory?

I can't believe
I signed up for that

just so I could be angry
when I got it. Ah!

[gasps]
I got my first choice!

MommaPoppa's Ristorante?

"Tastes so nice,
you want to eat it twice."

I can't believe you'll be
working with Noodie the Noodle.

- Who's Noodie the Noodle?
- Oh, the restaurant's mascot.

A person-sized noodle
who walks around.

He's ruffled my hair
a time or two.

If a giant noodle touched my
hair, I would sh**t it on sight.

I love the beaded curtain you walk
through to go to the restrooms.

And the children's six-piece
jigsaw puzzle at every table.

Who doesn't love
to see a rooster

- come together like that?
- Oh, and you'll love it,

you always get
a huge bowl of free pasta

with whatever entree you order.

It's always served at
exactly my body temperature,

so I can hardly feel it
passing through me.

Oh, my favorite thing is
their famous dessert cart.

Ah, it would be a dream
to have one of my desserts

ride the dessert cart.

Immortalized in colorful plastic
for all eternity.

Yeah, I don't suppose
anyone's interested in the scoop

on where I'll be working,
but the headline is...

Are you perhaps working
at the newspaper, Judith?

Ooh, great guess, Moon!

But I'll be doing the
reporting here. [chuckles]

Yes, I'll be working at the paper.

And I'll be hosting
our first student

aboard The Mighty Kathleen.

My protégé is a young
woman named Bethany.

You've met Bethany, remember?

She got my th birthday party
at Cheese Wagon cancelled

because she brought me
a dead bird as a gift?

Well, a dead bird
is a great reminder

of the fragility of life.

With any hope, she'll be as
excited to receive lasting

knowledge of commercial
fishing as I am to impart it.

And Wolf, Honeybee,
and Moon will be there

to help me show her the ropes.

Literally. I got those new
ropes last week in Death Cliff.

Oh, yeah!
Those ropes are sick!

Well, I think it's great
you guys get

to test out your dream jobs
and see if they're as cool

as you thought they would be.

My dream job is to be
a personal shopper for the stars.

Can you imagine going to Kroger
for Nicole Kidman?

[gasps] Oh, you must be Ham.

Oh, my God,
look at this handsome boy.

Poppa, Poppa!

Get out here.
Ham's here!

[gasps] Oh, my God!

- Is this boy an angel, Momma?
- He's so skinny!

Sit down before you fall down,
you must be hungry.

Noodie! Noodie!

There you are.
Bring some lasagna for this boy.

Wow, o-okay.
But I am here to work.

Would you listen to him, Momma?

This good boy wants to work
right away.

- [sobs quietly]
- Momma, what is it?

Momma.

He's like the child
we could never have.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- My ovaries are like old dried grapes.

No, Momma!
I love your ovaries.

Oh, this old flatterer.

Noodie!
Where's the garlic bread?

Momma! He only has one arm.

Sorry, Noodie.
Next time,

you tuck it under the arm, okay?

Hi, Mr. Noodie. I'm Ham.

- So, Ham, tell me about yourself.
- Well, I love your restaurant,

and I want to learn the
business because I bake cakes.

[laughs] A baker.

- Did you hear that, Momma?
- All the other boys are out there

riding motorcycles
and chewing gum

and this boy's at home
baking beautiful cakes.

Your dessert cart was
one of my first inspirations.

Well, if things go well
this week... you never know.

Maybe one of your desserts will
end up on the dessert cart.

- What? No way.
- Ah, it'll be so nice

to have an extra hand
for the week.

You know, Noodie certainly
wouldn't mind an extra hand.

[laughs]

He's belly laughing, look at him.

Gill? What are you doing here?

This is my assignment
for Careers class.

I overheard you say,
"I'm putting the newspaper

as my first choice."
And now here we are.

Welcome to the Lone Moose Wind.

As our junior
Career Week employees,

you'll be doing
the most important jobs

in the journalism industry...
making copies, filing

and bringing me exactly three
Red Vines every day at : .

- And seven more Red Vines at : .
- JUDY: Excuse me?

Um, will there be an opportunity
to write a story?

I'm very interested
in getting my first byline.

What if I brought you
a really juicy scoop?

Sure. Write your juicy scoop

on a Post-It
and put it under my Red Vines.

Less talky, more coffee.
Go refill the pot, kid.

Do you mind tackling
the coffee, Gill?

- I'm going to look for my scoop.
- I love you, Judy!

- Er, I mean, I'd love to, Judy.
- Thanks, Gill!

You must be Bethany.

It's not the name
I would have chosen for myself,

but I was a baby at the time.

Completely powerless.

You probably won't
be needing that sword.

We fish with nets.

It's not for fish.
It's for pirates.

You know, Bluebeards,
Blackbeards, scalawags...

some of 'em are ghosts
rattling around in chains.

May I ask why there's no cannon
on this boat?

I've been begging you
to get a cannon for years.

When the ghost pirates try
to board the ship

and there's no large ordnance
to sh**t them with,

- don't blame us.
- Yeah, Dad. Don't blame us.

All right, well, let's set sail.

Aw, if he stares
at that girl any harder,

his eyes are going
to literally turn into hearts.

Oh, man,
then he'll have three hearts,

no eyes, and a huge crush.
Classic pre-teen combo.

JUDY:
How would you two feel about

renewing your vows on horseback?

It would be a shoo-in
for the paper's wedding page.

Horses?
Mm-mm, that's a no for me.

Anyone who considers an unwashed
carrot a "treat" is just off.

Also, one bit my armpit
at the county fair.

Judy, I'm gonna have
to defer to Honeybee here.

If you bite my wife,
you're out of my life.

Ham, how was your first day?

I basically just shadowed
Poppa and Momma and Noodie,

but tomorrow night
I get to be out on the floor,

bussing tables
and living the dream!

When you work there,
do they tell you

who's inside Noodie the Noodle?

No, it had the costume on
the entire time I was there.

It even drove away in it,

its one tiny linguini arm
gripping the wheel.

Scoop alert! Scoop alert!

"Scoop alert"?
That's not something we say.

Sorry. My dog, Bubble,
found three lynx kittens

and she's raising them
as her own.

Unlikely animal friends?
Our readers love those.

All right, write it up and
you've got yourself a byline.

Gill? [sighs]

Bye-bye byline.

Beagle Bubble Bombs
Judy's Journalism Journey.

♪ Row in eayear indoray ♪

♪ Push the tray of desserts ♪

♪ Here's pasta for you ♪

♪ Oh yon dee yo
lin don doo ♪

♪ Bus the table
and wave at Noodie ♪

♪ Dee ya dee yo... ♪

You did great tonight, Ham.
Mwah.

Busboy? More like best boy.

Oh! I got one more chore
for you before you skedaddle.

♪ At the end of the dinner ♪

♪ It's time for a swimmer ♪

♪ It's a total cinch,
you give the pasta a rinse. ♪

Wah...

Okay, here's what you gotta do.

Gather up all the uneaten pasta,
give it a quick rinse,

and then you put it
in the walk-in

so we can serve it tomorrow.
You got it?

I... got it!

- All done!
- Ham, I meant all the pasta.

The... stuff in the bus tubs?

- Yep.
- But that pasta's dirty.

Well, only till we clean it, Ham.

At the end of the day, I don't
throw myself in the trash.

I take a shower and
Poppa's good as new! Right?

- I guess...
- And make sure you get all of it.

We don't throw any of it away.

Holy ravioli.

See anything strange
on the water lately, Dad?

Dead bodies? Mermaids?

Swimmers you can tell
are peeing in the water?

No, but I saw a desk chair
floating in the open ocean once.

That was a real thought-starter.

Gotta tell Bethany.

Probably thrown there
by an office pirate.

Dad, do you... enjoy working?

Mostly, yes. I can't control
the weather, or the fish,

but overall, work gives me
a feeling of contentment.

Why do you ask, Ham?
Was working at a real restaurant

harder than you expected?

There are definitely
a few things I'd do differently.

Well, perhaps you should
say something, Ham.

A good boss
always listens to suggestions.

Like when Judy suggested
that we warn each other

when we poop
in the tiny boat bathroom.

That -minute cooling-off
period really raised morale.

Bethany, I'm gonna show you
how to sweep water off the deck.

Oh, no, thanks. Moon is
going to walk me through

calling "Mayday" on the radio
in case of pirates.

- Well, actually, Moon will be...
- Dad. Can Honeybee

and I talk
to you in the wheelhouse?

What's up, guys?
Are you upset?

- We can't all sweep the deck.
- Uh, no, we wanted to alert you

to a certain situation
that's happening.

With Moon...?
And Bethany...?

Oh, no, does Moon want
to sweep the deck also?

No one wants
to sweep the deck, Beef.

- Moon has a crush on Bethany.
- Oh. Oh...

Moon, I need someone
to show Bethany

how to call "Mayday" on the
radio in case of... pirates.

Now we're talkin'.

Um, excuse me? Poppa?

Ah, what can I do for you,
my young Ham?

I, uh... I just wanted to ask
you about the pasta rinsing.

It just seems like, maybe,

we could just
make new pasta every day?

Ham. Have you been talking to
people about rinsing the pasta?

No, just you, Poppa.

Good. You were right
to bring it to me.

Ham, when you run a restaurant,
you need a lot of food,

and that costs a lot of money.

Momma and I,
we're not rich, you know?

We operate on a very thin margin,

and we like to keep our prices
low for hardworking families.

Everyone in Lone Moose
is like our babies

and we want them
to be fat and happy.

Why do you want
the babies to be sad, Ham?

- Why do you hate babies?
- Sorry, sorr... I don't.

You worry too much, Ham.

Now let's give everyone
a good dinner tonight, huh?

Ow!

Oh. [laughs]
Hey, Noodie.

C-Can I go by?
Okay.

You're not mov...
I'll just... Yep.

So, Crispin, have you
witnessed any mall crimes

- that I can write up for the paper?
- Gloria! No.

They've got this place
locked down pretty tight, Judy.

Thank you.

Wait. Didn't that cup
say "Gloria?"

Excuse me! That smoothie is
supposed to be for a "Gloria."

[gasps]
Smoothie snatching, Santiago?

Well, sometimes I just like
to give a woman's name

and pretend
I'm picking up a smoothie

- for my imaginary wife.
- Oh. Santiago...

I know, I know.

Will someone in this mall
please shoplift?!

Ma'am, I'm looking at you.

- WOMAN: No!
- Fine.

♪ Wash the pasta ♪

♪ Squishy, squishy,
hey, nasty, nasty ♪

♪ Serve the pasta,
it's disgusting ♪

♪ Hey, washy, washy,
oh, servey, servey ♪

♪ Nasty pasta,
oh, noodie, noodie ♪

♪ Noodie, noodie, oh ♪

♪ Wash, serve... hey! ♪

Hello, son. I left you
some spaghetti in the fridge.

- What? Why would you do that?
- Ah! What was I thinking?

You're probably full of
delicious Poppa's pasta, huh?

Uh-huh. I'm gonna go take a shower even

though I'm not sure
I can ever get clean.

Well, I recommend using soap.
It's worked for me all these years.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no...

There's something's
going on with the shower.

[screams]

[screaming]

[gasps, yells]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no...

- No!
- [knocking loudly]

MOON: Ham? Are you having
a difficult bowel movement?

Do you want a glass of water?

No. [laughs weakly]
I just saw a spider.

MOON:
Okay. Don't get bitten by it.

If it's radioactive, it's a whole thing.

[high-pitched voice] Excuse me,
young man, I ordered the farts.

- [laughter]
- Oh, hi.

What are you all doing here?

We thought
we'd surprise you, son.

It was my idea to come
without telling you.

Sorry. I've been a total
prank-aholic lately.

Yesterday he told me
I had something on my face,

and when I said, "What?"

he said, "A beautiful smile."
And you know?

It made me feel beautiful.

- I call 'em "Positive Pranks."
- Oh! Ham!

This must be your family.

I see the resemblance.

The Tobins are here!
Momma! Noodie!

We have special guests tonight.

[giggles]

Poppa Paul knows
who we are, guys.

Now, who's ready for a little
bit of Poppa on their plate?

Uh... all of us?

Perfect. Pasta for everyone!

Ham, your family's hungry.
Go get-y the spaghetti.

No, no, no. I can't
feed my family dirty noodles.

I know.
I'll make them fresh pasta.

Ah!

- Noodie, what are you doing?
- [yelps]

Maybe a better question
is what are you doing, Ham?

- I...
- You don't have to make the pasta.

It's already made.
Ham, always working so hard.

I've got the bowls all
ready for you. Go on, Ham.

Just, uh, gonna go tell 'em.

- It's the right thing to do.
- Ham. Come with me.

Take a seat.
Sit on any papers you'd like.

Wow, it really smells
like fish in here.

Ah, yeah. Well, the fish hate
when you clean the tanks,

so, eh, what are...
what are you gonna do?

Ham, Momma and I were chatting

and we thought since
your family is here tonight,

you can make them
a special dessert and...

we'll put it on the dessert cart.

- Are you serious?
- Yes, I'm serious!

Remember, we told you,
we're a team, a family.

You do for us, we do for you.

- You understand what I'm saying?
- I think so...

And who knows?
If tonight goes well,

maybe there'll be
a little plastic version

of your dessert that'll be
on our cart permanently.

Permanently?
Wow.

To think of
someone finding my dessert

after the apocalypse, in the rubble.

- What a dream.
- So we have a deal?

Mm-mm-mm-mm.

[all making sounds of enjoyment]

I don't know what you do
to make it taste so good, Poppa,

but whatever it is,
keep doing it.

[laughing] Oh, we will.
We will.

Off to look for scoops again!

If I don't find a story soon,
my journalism career could stall

before I ever get to be
a burnt-out reporter.

You don't know of anything weird
going on around town, do ya?

Um, actually...

Ah!

- Ham, you okay?
- Uh, yup.

Everything's fine.
I should probably get to work

because I love it
and everything's normal there.

Normal, normal, normal.

There you are!
Your dessert was so good.

Everyone's asking for Ham's
Chocolate-Cherry Pizza Cake.

"Looks like a pizza,
tastes like a sweets-uh!"

[laughs weakly]

Um, Momma, can I talk to you?

What's wrong, my beautiful boy?

[sighs] I love being part
of the MommaPoppa family,

but I'm having trouble
with the, uh...

the pasta rinsing.
I told Poppa I'd keep it a secret,

but it feels kind of... wrong.
To me. And disgusting.

- To me. Sorry.
- Oh, Ham, I know.

It's something Poppa started
back at the beginning

when we didn't have
two meatballs to rub together.

Maybe it's time for a change.
You know what? I'll talk to Poppa.

- You will?
- Of course!

- You worry too much.
- [sighs]

Thank you for talking
to Poppa for me, Momma.

Talking to me about what?

Ham, I left my salad starter
out in the car.

It's a green bag in the back.
Would you go grab it for me

- while I talk to Poppa?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, God, that smell!

Green bag. Where is it?
Where is it? This can't be it.

It says "Mice For Snakes"?

Yep, it's it.

- [flies buzzing]
- Momma, no!

Ugh, you're bad too?

Ham Tobin, what have you
gotten yourself into?

Momma and Poppa are filthy?

Ham Tobin, what have you gotten
yourself into? [squawks]

[whispering]
Stop. Stop.

Momma and Poppa are filthy.

[Ham groans]

[sighs]
Another day without pirates.

Dad? What do you think
the chances are

that we're gonna
encounter pirates

in the next couple of days,
specifically right after school?

May I look into that
and get back to you, son?

Sure, Dad. Thank you for your
consideration in this matter.

Hey, Ham-a-lama-ding-dong.
What's up?

You know how
you were asking me earlier

- if anything weird was going on in town?
- Mm-hmm.

Welp, I got a scoop
I gotta let loose.

Holy cow. This is big.

This is very big.

And gross. Very gross.

I'm so sorry
I let you eat garbage.

There was just a lot of pressure

and I was blinded by the
glory of the dessert cart.

It's completely understandable.
[shudders]

Who knows how old
some of those noodles are

if they never throw them out.

In and out of dozens of mouths,
resting on hundreds of chins.

You know the sign for infinity?

Think about that as a noodle.

An infinite loop of pasta washing.

We need proof.
[gasps] I know.

I'll come in disguise.

[British accent] I'm a storied
princess from a faraway monarchy

whose father has sent her
to find the perfect restaurant

to hold the coronation of his heir!

Or I could take some pictures
with my phone?

Mm, yeah, that could work.

♪ ♪

Hey!

Noodie, give me back my ph... Oh.

Well, well,
what do we have here?

Ham.
What are you trying to do, huh?

Uh... I was just...
taking some pictures.

So I could remember
my time here.

Don't lie to Poppa.
You don't like it, the rinsing.

Look, Ham, I didn't want
to have to tell you this,

but we have to wash the pasta.

We can't afford new pasta,

because... Momma...

- she's... sick.
- I don't believe you.

- Then Noodie's sick.
- No, Poppa, you can't

just switch who's sick.

Ham, you were gonna use
these pictures to ruin us.

I said I would talk to Poppa.
Why are you so impatient?

You don't trust your Momma?

I saw your car, Momma.
You're part of this.

You were keeping salad in a bag

that's specifically meant
for mice. It's so gross!

Aw, Ham, Ham, Ham, Ham, Ham.

Poppa, I know what this is about.

We were gonna wait for
your last night, but here.

It's your dessert, Ham.
For the cart.

It just came back
from the molder.

They said it was the most beautiful

fake dessert they ever made.
Everyone was crying.

Everyone was crying
and now I'm crying.

[crying]
I'm so proud of my son.

I'm not your son.

And I'm not keeping
your weird secrets anymore!

Yes, you are, Ham.

- You broke my heart, Ham.
- Get out of here.

And take your
Cherry-Chocolate Pizza with you.

- Noodie, give him the boot-y.
- It's fine, I can wal...

Ah! Ah, ah!

Whoa...

[grunts]

Ah, man. I forgot to ask them
to sign my class credit slip.

Oh, hey, there's Noodie.
Maybe he'll sign it.

Oh, hey, Noodie. Ah! Ah! Ah!

JUDY: It's all right here,

- including photos.
- They sauced my phone,

but I had already
uploaded them to the cloud.

Cloudy with a chance of justice.

Write it up and you've got
yourself a byline, Judy.

Congratulations.

What are you waiting for?

Balloons aren't gonna
drop from the ceiling.

Congrats, Judy.
I'm glad you got your story.

Thanks, Ham.
I'm gonna get my byline,

and you're gonna be a hero.
You're like Erin Brockovich,

but with pasta instead of
contaminated water.

More like Erin Pasta-vich.

Oh, that's good. I'm gonna
put that in my article.

Kids, I think I may have spotted
pirates off the starboard side.

Now, come on, you two, we can't
let them overtake the boat.

Ahoy there, ship... guys!

Mind if we come aboard?

Babe, we're pirates.
You gotta be more intense.

We're gonna cut you
from mouth to anus

and then stuff
yer insides with gold!

- Geez, Honeybee.
- See? This is where the cannon

would come in handy, Mr. Tobin.

[grunting]

Is that all you got?

You know what?
Don't be mad, Moon,

but I've decided to switch sides.

I just like their whole vibe
or whatever.

Sorry, Dad. I'm with Bethany.

Argh! Let's filet some Beef!

Uh-oh, Dad!
Cover your anus!

MOON: So, Bethany,

just because the Careers
class assignment is over

doesn't mean
the good times have to end.

Moon, I really loved my time here,
but Career Week is over,

and I have to get back to
what I usually do after school,

- which is absolutely nothing.
- Understood.

Goodbye, Mr. Tobin.
Goodbye, Moon.

I'll never forget you.

Thanks for doing
the pirate adventure, Dad.

I know Bethany's too old for me,

but I might ask her out
when I'm ready to start dating

- in to years.
- You're welcome, son.

I have some great
first date suggestions.

For instance, I know a wonderful
fallen log off Highway .

It's often very dry.
It makes for a delightful sit.

Sorry I blew the whistle on
your favorite restaurant, Dad.

That's okay, son.

There's plenty of
restaurant fish in the sea.

It's just a bummer.
Working at the restaurant

was my dream and it turned out
to be a nightmare.

Sometimes that's
what working a job is:

finding out that
that job isn't for you.

Hey, but maybe you'll open
your own bakery someday.

Yeah, and you can rinse off the
cakes at the end of the night.

You know what? I didn't eat
a bite at that restaurant.

I knew something was off when
I saw that creepy noodle guy.

I have good people sense, and
also good noodle-people sense.

The important thing is that Momma
and Poppa learned their lesson.

That place is gonna be shut down
for a long time.

Are they open again already?!

WOLF:
Minestrone pony! They are!

- So, nothing I did meant anything?
- Nobody cared about my story?

You both did the right thing.
A sad but true fact of life is

sometimes you do the right
thing and no one cares.

But I am definitely
proud of you guys.

Thanks, Dad.
I'm proud of me, too.

So, are we thinking we're eating
at MommaPoppa's tonight, or...

- Wolf, no!
- Okay, just checking.

But if you guys want to just
drop me off here at the corner...

I am not gonna go eat there.
Pick me up in an hour?

♪ ♪

♪ Hey, there, kids
and hey, there, parents ♪

♪ Hey, there,
guy alone named Terrance ♪

♪ This is fun for all,
not just the foodies ♪

- ♪ It's a little dance we like to call the Noodie ♪
- ♪ The Noodie ♪

♪ Stand tall like a tube
with your legs and feet ♪

♪ And wave your one little arm
to this funky b*at ♪

♪ Now spin around
and shake it loose ♪

♪ You're the funniest noodle
in all of Lone Moose ♪

♪ Rinse off your body,
wash off that sauce ♪

♪ Swivel your hips
like you're the boss ♪

♪ If you're wearing a frown
and you're feelin' moody ♪

♪ Just cheer yourself up
by doin' the Noodie ♪

♪ Cheer yourself up
by doing the Noodie. ♪