01x17 - Transplanticipation

[bunniefuu]

Previously on B Positive... Dinner Wednesday?

Uh... nope.

I've got a renal function panel
on Thursday morning.

I have to fast the night before.

How about breakfast
after my panel?

I'm meeting my nutritionist,
making adjustments to my diet.

Okay. Now we're looking
at the week after that.

Which is when I start
my next round of chemo.

Cancer-- what a d*ck.

Renal failure is
a real nut crunch, too.

[foot thumping]

Stop that.

Sorry, happens
when I'm nervous.

♪ Nervous about
your test results ♪

♪ But everything's
gonna be okay ♪

♪ 'Cause no one's gonna
die today ♪

♪ Die today!

Stop that.

Sorry, happens when
I'm annoying.

Why'd the doctor ask us
to come in anyway?

I feel like I've been sent
to the principal's office.

If this was
the principal's office,

I'd be alone,

and you'd be the one
who told them there was vodka

in my Capri Sun.

We were headed
to woodshop.

How about, "Thanks for
saving my fingers, Drew"?

We've never been called in
after a blood test.

Well, maybe your lab results
are bad.

Maybe your lab
results are bad.
Me?

I've been great.
No smoking, no drinking.

Oh, please. You
never work out.

You get winded taking the
milk out from the fridge.

You cramp up tying your shoes.

I saw you take
a deep breath

when we passed those
kids who were vaping.

I saw you put
rocky road ice cream

into your protein shake.

Thanks for coming in.

Gina's a secondhand vaper!

Drew ate rocky road!

Okay...

So, I wanted you both here
because...

I've got good news.

Ha! I knew it.
I could sense

good things were
happening today.

Your blood work came back,
and everything looks great.

You're ready
for your transplant.

-Really?
-My office reached out

to your surgical team, and
as soon as they get an opening

in the schedule,
you'll be getting her kidney.

[gasps]
Oh, my God.

You're serious?
There's no "but"

or "however" or
"psych" coming?

As doctors, we frown on "psych."

Ah, I can't believe it.
I'm getting my life back.

I'm gonna see my daughter
grow up. I'm gonna pee!

-All by myself.
-Like a big boy.

The biggest boy!

[laughs] And I'm getting
my life back, too.

I can go on
roller coasters again.

You could always go
on roller coasters.

I don't think so.
It would have sloshed it all up.

That's not how kidneys work.

Well, the Internet
agrees to disagree.

Oh, sure, the Internet.

I went to med school
at Johns Hopkins,

but let's see what the g*ng
on Reddit says.

I can send you a link
if you want.

Congratulations. Just
pick up the paperwork

from the front desk
on your way out.

Great.

So...

it's really happening.

It's really happening.
[laughs]

Congrats.

It's all because of you.

Thank you.

[footsteps approaching]

I kinda need the room
for my next appointment.

Drew's being sappy!

She was eyeing
your prescription pad.

♪ The more you give ♪ The more you give♪

♪ The more you live ♪ The more you live♪

♪ Your happiness is relative ♪ Happiness♪

♪ But if you're feeling
like crap ♪

♪ It's time to face the fact

♪ It's your prerogative

♪ Your prerogative♪

♪ To be positive.

Hey.
Hey.

-Eli.
-Hi.

Hi.

Megyn. From the afternoon group.

I usually sit
over there.

But I'm loving the lighting
in this chair.

Morning dialysis:
how the other half lives.

No, no.

Morning dialysis:

where people stop being polite
and start getting real.

Do you like that better?

It doesn't matter, it is.

You're... a lot.

Thank you.

Megyn will be taking Samantha's
chair while she's out of town.

-Oh, okay.
-I was just telling her
about everybody.

Are you the nebbishy therapist

or the football player
who won the Super Bowl?

When the next guy walks in,
you'll know.

I should probably
get this out of the way--

I don't

date fellow dialysis patients.

Good to know.

I'm busy with
my podcast anyways.

It's lifestyle,
wellness, beauty.

It's like Goop,
but with more vag*na talk.

You had me at Goop,
lost me at vag*na.

You lost me at Goop,
and got me back at vag*na.

Hi-dily-doodily, y'all.

Congrats on the Super Bowl.

Gina, what are
you doing here?

Drew and I have big news.

You're getting married?

And good for you, buddy.

She is way out of your league.

Mm-hmm. Yes, she is.

Okay. I'm sorry,
who are you?

Megyn Wen.
New to the morning group.

Wait, Megyn Wen?

[gasps]
Oh, my God.

Babe, this is the podcast
I've been telling you about!

Your episode on oats
changed my relationship

with ancient grains.
Not to mention my vag*na.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

I'm confused,
is vag*na the big news?

Oh, no, Jerry,
you sweet, simple man.

We have a date
for our transplant!

Oh, congratulations![all cheering]

DREW:
Yeah, that's right.

No more dialysis.
In two months,

they can nuke this hellhole
for all I care.

-What?
-Hmm?

[clears throat]
Assuming you've all

gotten out safely,
of course.

Nice save.
No one noticed.

[rhythmic knocking on door]

Hey, there she is,

my back-door girl.

Nope, sorry, bad.

[chuckles] You really got
to start thinking ahead,

like, three or four words.

So, dinner's almost ready.

It is my specialty,
chicken parm.

My daughter describes it as,
"Ew, this again?"

[chuckles]
And I've got some news.

So do I.
Oh, okay.
Well, you first.

Me? Okay, well...

I got a date for my transplant.
[chuckles]
[clears throat]

[laughing]:
Sorry, just couldn't wait.

That's great.
I'm so happy for you.

Oh, yeah.
Oh...

Okay, so, what's your news?

My news, yeah. I...

It's in two months.

[laughing]: Sorry.
Very excited. Go on.

Okay, so I just found out...

Road trip! Yeah, you and I
are gonna travel anywhere we...

My cancer spread.

What?

I got test results
back today.

It's not good.

Oh. Like how not good?

The chemo isn't working.

It spread to my liver
and a couple other places.

Oh, my God.

Okay, um... what's
the next step?

I don't know.
I'm not even sure there is one.

Hey, that's crazy.
Of course there is.

Yeah?

Come sit. Sit, sit, sit.

Man, here I am talking
about my new kidney

and you have
this terrible news.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

You're allowed to be happy.

Just not that happy.

Just so you know,

I'm with you
every step of the way.

Thank you.

I'd be lying if I
said I wasn't scared.

The doctor couldn't even tell me
how much time I have left.

Oh, don't talk like that.

You have a lot of time
ahead of you.

[timer dings]

That was unfortunate.

Um, hey, can I ask
you something?

Um, Drew's expecting me to
move out after the transplant.

So, is it cool
if I move back in with you?

Oh, my God, yes!

Ooh, we can party
how we used to.

I know, I'm so excited.

I can't remember the last time
I blacked out--

which, now that I say it-- duh!

[laughs] Hey, the whole g*ng
is coming over

Friday night; you should come.

Oh, that's perfect.
I can bring my friend Gideon.

He's the nurse, right?

Tell him to bring
one of those giant needles

in case someone's heart stops.

Yeah, I've been waiting
to talk to Dr. Stigletz.

Eh, no. No, no.

Do not put me on hold again.
I need...

-And I'm on hold.
-What's going on?

I'm trying to
get Adriana into

this cancer trial
in Switzerland.

Oh, good, you're back.

Hey, whatever you do,

do not put me on hold again,
okay? Eh...

Oh, you don't like my tone?

Well, I don't like your
neutrality during wartime. Hmm?

And she hung up on me.

That yodelay-hee-ho.

Morning.

-Hey, girl.
-Hey.

What are you doing?

I am still trying to get you

into that clinic in Switzerland.

The one in Basel?
Never gonna happen.

Not if we don't try.

Sometimes you just
have to be creative.

I didn't think I'd get
into Coachella,

but you hop a couple fences
and boom--

you're onstage walking through
Tupac's hologram.

I appreciate all this, but...

I think I'm done.

What do you mean "done"?

Done with all of it-- the chemo,

the radiation,
all the poking and prodding.

I just want to enjoy
whatever time I have left.

[scoffs]
You've got to fight.

No, I don't.

It's my life.[Drew scoffs]

That's ridiculous.
Gina, help me out here.

Yeah, I'm not gonna jump
into the pile.

Also something I learned
at Coachella.

[groans softly]

You can't give up.

Drew, you don't know
how many times

I've gotten my hopes up.

This trial is supposed
to be really promising.

Doesn't matter.
I don't want to spend

my last days tied
down to a machine

that makes me
feel even sicker.

Look, trust me, I get it.

For the past nine months,

I've been strapped
to a machine, too.

Knowing that you had a donor

and a transplant in your future.

I have cancer spreading
all over my freakin' body.

Okay, fine, we are not
in the same place,

but that doesn't mean

you shouldn't have
a positive attitude.

I mean,
studies have shown that...

Oh, my God, stop!

I had a positive attitude,
and guess what.

My cancer didn't care.

So stop telling me how to feel.

Hey.
Hey.

I have something to tell you,

after which
you're gonna love me

even more than you already do.

Don't overestimate
how much I love you.

I think I got Adriana

into the clinical trial
in Switzerland.

What? Really?

Wait, you mean, like,

enrolled, or you found a tunnel?

For real.
Remember my friend Dr. Pete?

-Cannoli's owner?
-I told him

about Adriana's situation,
and it turns out

his med school roommate had
a professor who went through

a really nasty divorce
and hid a bunch of money

in Switzerland, and one
day he went to take it out,

and guess who was standing there
in the bank.

His ex-wife,
the duchess of Fribourg.

Are we anywhere near a point?

It turns out

that the duchess is a patron
of the hospital,

and Dr. Pete asked her
to pull some strings.

So they're expecting
Adriana's call.

Really, I mean,
that's incredible.

I know, right?

How do we thank Dr. Pete?

Actually, we already have.

[tongue clicks]
Come here.

Aw.
Cannoli.

Aw, how are you, boy? Oh.

Yeah, we missed you.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, thanks for
letting me tag along.

Oh, my friends are the best.
You're gonna love them.

[dance music playing]

[coughs]
Hey, you made it.

Yo, Gina.

Just in time
for the vodka Slip 'N Slide.

Or we could go somewhere else.
They'll never remember.

[laughs]

Hey.

Got a minute?

The doctors tell me yes.

Ah. Gallows humor.
Never gets old.

The doctors tell me
neither will I.

Okay, that's enough.

So, I'm sorry
for this morning.

It's your life, and every
decision belongs to you.

Thanks.

I appreciate you trying
to get me into that trial.

Well, about that,
I have an update,

and you can deal with it
however you want.

But...

Gina... pulled off a miracle
and got you into that trial.

Are you serious?
[laughs]:
Yeah.

I can't believe it, either.
This is a woman

who can't get herself
through a revolving door.

They're just waiting
on your medical records.

I don't know what to say. I'm...

feeling a little bit hopeful,
and I don't like it.

I understand. But this is
a good thing, I promise.

And you don't have to go alone.

I could go with you.

What about your kidney?

Well, my transplant's
not for two months.

I can do dialysis
in Switzerland.

Sipping on hot cocoa
while they filter my
blood. Can't b*at that.

[Swiss accent]:
"More cocoa, Mr. Dunbar?

"Yeah? Hey,
cool mustache, by the way.

Thinking of growing one myself."

[laughs]

And your daughter?
And your patients?

[normal voice]: Well, you
know, I won't be gone that long.

I can see
my patients online.

If anyone starts yammering
on about their parents,

I can just turn it off
and blame Zoom.
Mm.

Are you sure you
want to do this?

100%.

I was 90% until I thought
of the whole hot cocoa thing.

[laughs]

Okay.

Looks like we're
going to Switzerland.

Yeah. You and me,
we keep fighting.

-We keep fighting.
-Just not each other.

One miracle at a time, Drew.
[exhales]

So, you and the guy
in the panties, huh?

In my defense,
the sex was incredible.

Mm. I get it. Gideon has
a now-and-then guy, too.

Dumb as a post,
but, oh, what a post.

[laughs]

-Something to drink?
-Uh, just a Coke, please.

I'll have the same,
but make half of it rum.

I need to see your I.D.

Oh, Alexa,

you are on your way
to a 30% tip.

Thanks. Oh, and happy birthday.

Wait. It's your birthday?

Yeah. 35 today.

Why didn't you say something?

I didn't really feel
-like celebrating.
-Why not?

Your mother squeezed you
through her birth canal.

You owe it to her to get sloppy.

I always told myself
if I didn't make it

as an actor by 35, I'd quit.

That's crazy.

Hasn't it been your dream
since you were a kid?

Ever since high school. I was
the lead in Bye Bye Birdie.

I got a standing ovation
and I knew.

Well, see? You can't quit.

The truth is,

I'm not sure I love acting
the way I used to.

I feel like I'm growing
out of it.

I totally get that.

A year ago, that party tonight
would have been

the perfect Saturday night,

but now...

I don't know.

Giving Drew a kidney feels like

I'm doing
something special, and...

I-I want more
of that feeling,

but I only have so many organs.

-So, you like helping people?
-Yeah.

And I mean really help them,
not just flip them

on their stomachs so they don't
choke on their vomit.

Although that is
a valuable service.

Thanks.
Thank you.

Well, here's to growing
up and moving on.

And to looking for new starts.

Mmm. I just wish
I knew what was next.

Ugh, me, too.

Gideon?

I have something to tell you.

Gray skies are gonna clear up.

♪ Put on a happy face

♪ Brush off the clouds
and cheer up ♪

♪ Put on a happy face

♪ Spread sunshine

♪ All over the place

♪ And put on a happy face

Take me home, daddy.

♪ Put on a happy

♪ Face.

Ladies and gentlemen, Gideon.[applause]

Oh, please.
[chuckles]

Hey. Happy birthday.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

LSD was created
in a lab in Switzerland.

I wonder if that's how
they came up with yodeling.

I just asked you
what the temperature is there.

That's gonna depend
on if you're doing LSD.

[phone ringing]

It's Dr. Baskin.

Hello?

Yes, hi.

Wow, really?

What? What is it?

The surgeon had a cancellation.

They want to move the
transplant to this Tuesday.

Okay, well, I'll make sure
that Tuesday works for us

and then call you back.

Great. Thank you.

[laughs softly]

Whoa.

Yeah. I can't believe it.

This time next week
you'll have my kidney.

But I won't be able
to go to Switzerland

with Adriana.

Oh, she'll understand.

Plus, you can
send her things

from America
they don't have there,

like a clock where stuff
doesn't jump out of it.

I really want to
be there for her.

Well, then we can stick with
the original date. I can wait.

You sure?
Absolutely.

I shall donate the gift of time
as well as the gift of kidney.

[knocking on door]

Okay. That's Adriana.

Do not tell her anything

-about delaying the surgery.
-Why?

'Cause she'll try
to talk me out of it.

She's selfless like that.
It's very annoying.

Well, you have to tell her.

In serious relationships,
you're not allowed

to lie about surgeries, STDs
or appearances on Cops.

-Hey.
-Guten Tag, bonjour, ciao.

[laughs softly] In Switzerland,
they speak German,

French, and Italian.

Those people really
can't pick a side.

[Gina laughs]

Hey, girl. What are you guys
up to tonight?

You gonna watch a movie?

My favorite is
Do the Right Thing.

Or...

Secrets & Lies.

Goodbye, Gina.

What was that about?

Well, I just found out

that I can do the transplant
surgery on Tuesday.

Oh, wow. Really?
Yeah.

Yeah. But I'm gonna keep
with the original date

so I can go to Switzerland
with you.

No, you can't do that. So much
could go wrong before then.

Something could happen
to you or Gina.

There could be a
zombie apocalypse.

You want to be running from
zombies with a bum kidney?

[laughs] Trust me,
zombies are not

gonna want to eat my brains.

All they'd get is a nervous
laugh and low self-esteem.

[laughs] So get the surgery
now, then come visit.

Well, that's the thing.

After the surgery,
I won't be able to travel

outside the country
for six to 12 months.

Oh.

Is Gina okay delaying it?

GINA:
Yep!

Not that she's
eavesdropping.

Going to my
room now.

Look,

I really want
to do this, okay?

Let's worry about
getting you healthy

and then we'll worry about me.

Aw, you're so selfless.

It's really annoying.

So, I should look
for flights?

Look for flights.

GINA:
That's so cute.

I'm going to
my room now.