02x05 - Novocaine, Bond and Bocce

[bunniefuu]

Previously on B Positive...

I just wish that, you know,
I could find a guy

who... who gets me.

Accepts me for me.

You'll find that guy.

Will I?

Absolutely.

And he'll appreciate how
amazing you are,

and how much happiness
you bring to other people.

- Drew?
- Yeah.

I think I found that guy.

Mmm.

Mmm. This is a bad idea.

- Why?
- Because you've had a lot to drink.

I disagree to agree.

I have had exactly the right amount.

The truth is...

I love you, Gina.

Gina?

You still there?

Perfect.

[SIGHS] Good morning.

Is it?

You kind of look like my daughter

right before she went into rehab.

How kind of you to say.

Back in the day, I had
a perfect hangover cure.

Oh, God. Tell me.

Cocaine.

Thank you.

Mmm. This looks good.

Look at that bacon.

Every day, I ask for soft.

Every day, I get crispy.

Don't tell me. Tell her.

You know, every day, I...

I heard you!

I will talk to the chef.

How can you call a person
a chef when they can't cook bacon?

May I join you?

Please.

[CLEARS THROAT]

What?

You feel as bad as you look?

Worse.

"Wine comes in at the mouth,
love comes in at the eye.

"That's all we shall know for truth,

before we grow old and die."

[LAUGHS] William Butler Yeats.

Did he write one about dry
heaves on the way to work?

Charming.

- Ow! Damn it!
- Uh, are you okay?

I think I cracked a tooth.

I bet you'd like soft bacon now.

- ♪ The more you give ♪
- ♪ The more you give ♪

- ♪ The more you live ♪
- ♪ The more you live ♪

♪ Your happiness is relative ♪

♪ And if you're feeling like crap ♪

♪ It's time to face the fact ♪

♪ It's your prerogative ♪

♪ Your prerogative ♪

♪ To be positive ♪

Thanks for squeezing me in, Jer.

'Course. Uh, when was the
last time you saw a dentist?

Uh, I don't remember
exactly, but when it was over,

I got a yo-yo and a lollipop.

Lorraine, clear my morning!

This is a pretty swanky office.

- You must be doing pretty well.
- Oh, I do all right.

Between you and me, most of
the East Coast rappers come

to me for their grill work.

- No way.
- Yeah.

You want a little bling-bling

in your upper incisors, I'm your man.

All right, let's have a look.

Here we go.

[SIGHS]

Ah.

Uh-huh. Wider.

Yeah, we got a Humpty-Dumpty.

[MUFFLED]: What that?

Not even Funk Jerry P can put
this tooth back together again.

You're gonna need a crown.

Ugh. Man!

Don't worry. I'm really
good at what I do.

Just ask Cardi B.

You know Cardi B?

"Got a bag and fixed my teeth.

Hope you hoes know that ain't cheap."

That's about me.

- No!
- Yeah!

I did her caps, I did her
veneers, the whole deal.

She even gave me a special
thanks on her album.

Okrrr. Let's do this.

Little bit for my homies.

Question.

For a colonoscopy, do I need
to update my advance directive?

You know, if I want
'em to pull the plug?

[SCOFFS] If you can't
survive a colonoscopy,

maybe the plug is already pulled.

My worst nightmare...
Lying in a vegetative state,

my body wasting away.

What's wrong with me that
that image makes me horny?

Can we finish up the game?

My granddaughter's coming
to take me to lunch.

Oh, she's wonderful.
I follow her on Instagram.

Ask her where she gets her yoga pants.

Sure, that's what you
need, tighter clothes.

I agree.

I want to see her before
she goes back to college.

Wait, didn't she graduate last year?

What?

Your granddaughter.

You showed us pictures
of her at her graduation.

I-I-I meant... [GRUNTS]

before she starts her new job.
[CHUCKLES]

Can we just finish up the damn game?

Sorry.

- Lululemon.
- What?

His granddaughter's yoga pants.

I vote you get pink.

Okay, you should be
feeling the gas by now.

No,

you should be feeling the gas by now.

Okay, that's enough.

[LAUGHS]

All right, now let's do the novocaine.

Do the novocaine.

Open up. All right.

This shouldn't hurt.
Maybe just a little pinch.

- Mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh. [GROANS]

All right.

There you go. Now, in a few minutes,

you should be numb enough to...

Oh, poop.

[BODY THUDS]

[LAUGHING]

Jerry go boom.

- Hey. What happened?
- Hey.

[SLURRING]: I don't know.
He just co-wapsed.

Why are you talking like that?

Novocaine. I cracked a tooth.

How is he?

I don't know. I'll try to get an update.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS] So, uh, what happened?

He just collapsed in his dentist office.

- Why are you talking like that?
- Oh, novocaine.

I cracked a tooth.

- How'd that happen?
- Crispy bacon.

[SIGHS]

[SMACKS LIPS]

[EXHALES]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Drew, listen, about last night...

Oh, why don't we talk about it later?

No, no, now. [STAMMERS]

I had too much to drink. I'm so sorry.

These things happen. It's no big deal.

Yeah, but kissing you was
compwetely inappropriate.

I wouldn't say "compwetely."

I would never want our friendship

to be compromised.

Me, either.

Okay?

You're drooling a little.

How is he?

Oh, we don't know.

Gideon went to go get a prognosis.

Why you talking like that?

Ugh, please tell him.

She "cwacked a toof."

Ah.

Did you know Jerry knows Cardi B?

- What?
- The rapper.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hi, guys. Aw.

How you doing, man?

I'm all right. I feel stupid.

Fainting. What do my homies think?

- Your homies?
- I'll tell you later.

Your chart says you
have atrial fibrillation.

That's none of your business.

Jerry, that's serious.

A lot of people have
an irregular heartbeat.

As soon as I get my meds figured out,

it won't happen again.

Wait, this isn't the first time?

- It's no big deal.
- GINA: That's ridiculous.

What if you pass out
while you're driving

or you're drilling my tooth?

GIDEON: You could have a stroke

and hit your head and hemorrhage.

Not to mention, you
are in kidney failure.

Yeah, man, you really
shouldn't be living alone.

Oh, my God.

Wightbuwb!

Come wiv at Vawwey
Hills till you're better.

What?

Oh, she said, "Oh, my God. Lightbulb.

Come live at Valley
Hills till you're better."

Thank you.

I'm not living in an old
folks' home. I'm only .

Uh, your chart says you're...

I'm .

I'm too young for
shuffleboard and bingo.

What harm would it do to
at least go check it out?

Yeah, maybe we have
dinner there tomorrow,

and you can see for yourself.

I promise you won't regret it.

We have a very vibrant,
active community.

Fine. What time's dinner?

: .

- Hello, Harry.
- [GRUNTS]

Meredith, we haven't officially met yet.

I'm Drew.

Nice to meet you.

How'd your dinner go with Gina?

You told her?

We're together all day long,

you run out of things to talk about.

Well, the date didn't
go exactly how I'd hoped.

You should be used to that by now.

What happened?

Before I could tell her how I feel,

we ran into her ex-boyfriend.

The broke football player?

I told you that in confidence.

Bad move.

Anyway, uh, he was on a date,

she got upset, got very drunk,

kissed me, passed out,

and then told me it was a mistake.

Is that in confidence?
'Cause that's pretty juicy.

MEREDITH: Hang on.

If she kissed you, that means something.

Yeah, it means I'm a mistake,

as was sharing my feelings with you.

Again, your fault.

"Naomi's Chicken Parmesan." Who's Naomi?

One of our residents.
That was her favorite.

- Was?
- Massive stroke, not the chicken.

Um, just so you know,

all the meals are included.

It's like being on a cruise ship,

but with fewer STDs.

Well...

So, uh...

How was the tour? What do you think?

It-It's all very nice.

It's just not for me.

W-Well, did you show him the game room?

Do you like Kiss? Do you like pinball?

Because you're gonna love them together.

Could we just have a nice dinner

and just forget the whole idea?

- Sure.
- Okay.

[GROANS] Ow! Cold, cold, cold.

Oh, yeah, until we get that tooth fixed,

you're gonna have to avoid cold liquids.

- Okay.
- Also hot liquids.

So liquids.

You do realize your insurance
will cover living here?

And remember, it's just temporary.

Come on, guys. Can we
just leave it alone?

- Okay.
- Enjoy your dinner.

Make sure you leave room for dessert.

- Okay.
- You can work it off

in our fitness center,

then freshen up in a sit-down
tub or a walk-in shower.

Okay, that's it. I'm out of here.

- Jerry.
- I'm so sorry.

Oh, poop again.

- Oh, my God! Jerry!
- Call !

Welcome to movie night, everyone.

Tonight, we're featuring
a classic James Bond film.

Who's playing ?

Better be Connery, the only real Bond.

Yeah, no Pierce Brosnan,
Mr. Fancy Pants.

I loved Pierce Brosnan.

Of course you did.

Oh, I remember in Dr. No,

when Ursula Andress came out of
the ocean in that white bikini.

I switched teams for a whole year.

Let's watch that one.

I saw Roger Moore in an airport once.

- He ate three Cinnabons.
- It wasn't Roger Moore.

Don't tell me who it was.

I'm telling you who it wasn't.

Did you know that James Bond
was created by Ian Fleming,

who also wrote

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?

After I saw that film, I named my cats

Chitty Chitty and Bang Bang. [LAUGHS]

One, two, three, eyes on me.

Before we start, I'd like to
introduce our newest resident...

- You don't have to do that.
- Dr. Jerry Platt.

- Ooh, a doctor.
- I'm a dentist.

Oh.

And I'm not really a resident.

I'm just here temporarily.

I've heard that before.

I've said that before.

I'm only in my s.

You've lived hard. I like that.

All right, everyone, it's showtime.

Unwrap your hard candies now.

[CANDY WRAPPERS CRINKLING]

You want one?

No, I'll just have to take
a whiz halfway through it.

That's gonna happen anyway.

True.

Hey, why aren't you at movie night?

Because everybody else is.

And that right there

is why you're my favorite
bitter old woman.

So you know, I'm
getting the hip surgery.

Norma, that is great.
What changed your mind?

Besides your constant nagging?

You're welcome.

Well, I was talking to Meredith,

and I realized how lucky I am.

I have a problem that can be fixed.

This is the right decision,

and I'm-a be with you
every step of the way.

Thank you.

And if you want to tell the doctor

he could do a little nip tuck
while I'm under,

I'm not opposed.

Got it. I'll see you tomorrow.

So, Gina...

Is Drew a good kisser?

You take the safety
bars out of the showers,

this place is just a high school.

Who told you?

Well, Drew told Harry,
Harry told Meredith,

she told Bette, and
Bette put it on her blog.

[GROANS]

So, how was the kiss?

I'm guessing desperate but gentle.

Well, it...

it was a mistake...

I think?

- Oh, I know it was a mistake.
- Why?

Because of the mustache?
I bet you I can get him to shave.

No, it's not that.

Though, he certainly could
lose that dead caterpillar.

- You just broke up with Eli.
- So?

Honey, in the five years I've known you,

you've never been single
for more than five minutes.

Well, I can't help it if I'm in demand.

Gina, there've been so many
huge changes in your life.

Take a step back.

Hold off dating for a while.

Figure out who you are, what you want.

You mean be alone?

I don't know.

Think of it as dating yourself.

Well...

at least I know the sex will be good.

Could somebody turn it up?

Turn up your hearing aid.

I don't have a hearing aid.

Then get one.

I hope this is the one where
he punches a shark in the face.

I hope it's the one with Jill St. John.

You're a switch hitter.

I love it.

[GADGETS WHIRRING ON SCREEN]

Oh, a watch with a small
circular saw built in.

I wonder if that'll come in handy.

[LAUGHTER]

Look, the kid's got jokes.

- Kid? I like that.
- You want a beer?

I'm not supposed to drink on my meds.

Join the club.

I guess we're bonding,

[BRITISH ACCENT]: James Bond-ing.

- Give it back.
- Aw.

Come on.

There you go.

You want to play bocce with us tomorrow?

Uh, you'll have to teach me the rules.

Oh, you just roll one
ball into another ball

whilst getting drunk. Lesson over.

Psst. Did you know that James Bond

was created by Ian Fleming,

who also wrote Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?

Yeah. You already said that.

Oh. I-I-I thought you didn't hear me.

You're-you're doing that a lot lately.

Doing what?

Never mind.

[CARS HONKING AND SCREECHING ON SCREEN]

[g*nf*re ON SCREEN]

- Where are you going?
- I-I-I'm-I'm tired.

[SNORING SOFTLY]

What? Yeah, I'm watching.

[SNORING RESUMES]

[PEN CAP CLATTERS]

_

- Hi.
- Hi.

Thanks for letting me stop by.

I just need a minute.

Everything okay?

Well... [SIGHS] I'm not sure.

Tell me.

Okay. Um...

Here's the thing.

- The other night, when
- I kissed you... I know.

You told me it was
"compwetely inapwopwiate."

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

No.

No. That's not it.

It's just...

My whole life, I've...

I've never really been alone.

I was married for years,
and I was alone a lot.

- Please let me finish.
- Sorry.

I just...

don't know how to exist without...

having a man in my life, and...

I really don't know who I am

without a man in my life.

And you need some time
to figure that out?

Yeah.

Like a week, or...?

We'll see.

Okay. Well, for what it's worth,

I think you're being
real smart about this.

Thanks.

Well, you're here.

You want to make out?

[LAUGHS] Aw.

Thanks, but no.

Okay, good night.

Night.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Gina?

Hey, um, there was one more
thing I wanted to ask.

Yeah?

Do you know a good dentist?

All right, you're up, kid.

You see that?

That's youth. Bends over,
doesn't even grunt.

Somebody does yoga, huh?

Well, for a big man, I've
always been quite flexible.

Big? Is that "woke" for fat?

Careful. I'll get you canceled.

- Just throw the ball.
- All right.

- SPENCER: Whoa.
- [HARRY LAUGHS]

- All right.
- That's my teammate right there.

Tomorrow, you're on my side.

Oh, to heck with that,
I want him on my team.

He's mine until I say otherwise.

Gentlemen, there's
enough of me to go around.

Yeah, 'cause you're "big."

[LAUGHS] Watch it, boomer.

[ALL LAUGHING]

The new guy gets the balls.

[LAUGHS]

Sure.