01x40 - Tails' Crush

[bunniefuu]

Grrr!

Here you go, kid.

Is this your grandson?

Zing!

I've seen newer pictures
on a cave wall.

-Zang!
-Can it, you obsequious hack!

This isn't even you.
This guy is young and healthy.

And he still has that sparkle
of hope in his eyes.

[groans]
I need some new headshots.

Oh, yeah. Work it, CC.

You've still got it, baby.

Give me pouty, come on.

Now give me tiger. Rarrh!

Who's a funny monkey!

Wow! I've never seen
a professional photo sh**t before.

Now roll over and play dead,
baby.

Pretty sure you still haven't.

Hello. What have we here?

He's a waif.

The orphan of our times.

A lost child, oblivious
to the never-ending sea of despair.

How poetic!

Hey, doll-face.
Show's over here.

Hey, Knucks, you're famous.

Cool! Who's the doofus
with the trash can on his head?

Is that the guy
from the newspaper?

I don't know.

He doesn't look like
he has a trash can on his head.

It is the guy
that's in the picture.

Hey, Trash Can Head Guy.

-Sign my newspaper.
-Mine too.

My standards for celebrity
are quite low.

[TV on]

Hey, Wolfie,
get a load of this guy.

If this fashion trend
catches on,

I'm gonna start
throwing trash in my hat.

[laughter and applause]

You, sir, are the master
of biting social commentary.

You're really embracing
this whole Trash Can Head thing.

Yup. You know what people say
when they see me wearing this?

"I weep for the future
of our kind"?

Well, yeah, some of them.

But most people
think it looks wicked cool.

Huh?

Gah!

And that's our show.

Thanks
to the Comedy Chimp Players

and our musical guest
Justin Beaver.

-Good night, everyone.
-[cheering]

Mr Chimp, someone
is trying to blackmail you.

They just dropped off these
horribly embarrassing photos.

Those are my new
publicity sh*ts, bonehead.

Ugh! You could carry groceries
in those bags under my eyes.

Write it down, I'll use it next
time the mayor's on the show.

Those aren't wrinkles,
they're laugh lines.

Gives you character. Ha-ha!

How would you know? You've done
the same shtick for years.

Zing!

Guess
I have to give in to nature.

All natural
cosmetic facial youthification.

Move it, losers.
Evil genius coming through.

Eggman, what do you want?

First I want to say
I'm a huge fan.

And I have something
to offer you.

A magic boot that you rub
and a genie grants you wishes

and I just give you
all my money?

If so, I'm in. Cos the last one
you sold me didn't work.

I want to be your sponsor.

Just put the Eggman Industries
logo on your trash can.

No. You think my trash can
is for sale?

It is not, sir.

I have integrity.
I will not sell out.

per cent off
all your Meh Burger purchases

if you slap this sticker
on that head trash thing.

Done and done!
Give me Meh Burgers.

This is it, Wolfie, the last
show before my big surgery.

I was wondering... while you're
gone, who's gonna replace you?

Not that anybody
could ever replace you.

But if you don't have anyone
in mind, I'll throw my hat...

I want you to know
your show will be in good hands

while you're getting
your face overhauled.

And don't worry, when they
ask me to take over full time,

I'll probably say no.

[laughs] You'll be great.

Too great.

The viewers will love him

and I'll wind up playing
the Yuk-Yuk Hut in Gogoba Village.

I need to find a guest host
that no one will take seriously.

A flash in the pan.
A talentless hack.

No, I have a worse idea.

Let's try
those monologue jokes again.

Just read
what's on the cards here.

OK. Here goes.

"So the mayor's in the news
again. Did you hear about this?"

What's so funny about that?

Read the rest of the joke.

Ohh. How come?

There's a Mr The Hedgehog
to see you.

Hmm... Doesn't ring a bell.

Hey, Knucks.

Hey. Did you hear
the mayor's in the news again?

Ba-da-boom!

[Wolfie]
You didn't finish the joke.

We're stoked for you
but are you up to this?

Does a bucket on your head
qualify you to host a TV show?

First of all, it's not a bucket,
it's a trash can.

Secondly, it's not a trash can,
it's a fashion statement.

Fourth, you're just jealous
that I finally found my calling

as a fashion designer /
model / TV host.

I don't want you
to embarrass yourself.

I'm disappointed in you, Sonic.
In you and the mayor.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
the jokes don't read themselves.

This isn't gonna end well.

[TV on]

Welcome
to the Comedy Chimp show.

I'm your guest host,
Trash Can Head Guy.

-Say, Wolf?
-What is it, O great one?

-Knock knock.
-Who's there?

-The mayor.
-The uh... the mayor who?

The mayor's in the news again!

[cymbal crashes]

[audience muttering]

This is painful.

Oh, here's a good one.
What do you call a duck with a...

Wait, no... What's the
difference between a duck and...

Wait, maybe it's not a duck...

Can we turn this off?

Let me see those cue cards.

-Whoa! Aargh!
-[audience laughing]

Zing! You, sir, are the master
of slapstick tomfoolery.

-Ugh! Aargh!
-[laughter]

[whistles]

Wolfie, my key
doesn't work any more.

You are correct, sir.
Locks got changed.

Network's taking the show
in a new direction, so...

-What new direction?
-More...

I don't know...
Is "trash-canny" a word?

Wait up, TCHG.

Hello, Yuk-Yuk Hut. Unless...

Help you get rid of Knuckles
as host, eh?

And what's in it for me?

You sponsor the first ever live
broadcast of a robot att*ck.

I'm listening.

Imagine, a brutal, horrendous
siege with robots, missiles...

and the Eggman Industries logo
on every bit of it.

Repeat that last part.
I wasn't listening.

If you sponsor the att*ck,

you'll also be
the show's sponsor from now on.

Deal!

Ugh! Aargh!

I got to admit
this is pretty funny.

Fire missiles! Brought to you
by Eggman Industries.

Uh, what was that?

This hole was made possible
by Eggman Industries.

Eggman's attacking the studio!
We got to help Knuckles.

Wait, I want to see
what happens next.

Your new movie sets a new
standard for incredible effects.

Let's roll a clip, shall we?

Amazing! It's like
it's really happening.

Need a wall shattered?
Call Eggman Industries.

This battle is sponsored
by Eggman Industries.

You have to wear this.

Yeah... I don't wear the logo
of the losing team.

You don't have any Sonic hats,
do you?

-Ow!
-Huh?

Sticks, you came to my show!
Cool!

Eggman's attacking!
We need your help.

I'll be right back after this.

So the mayor's back in the news.
[laughs] It seems that he...

Good to have you back, Knucks.

Good to be back, you guys.

If I ever get carried away
by my ego again...

We'll let you know.

No, make sure
I get a better show.

Engage Mega Stomp-bot.
New from Eggman Industries.

On my mark... Three, two...

[grunting]

What have I done?

Oh, yeah, I got my show back.

Zing!

[applause]

Thank you. Thank you.

We'll keep things moving along,

but first I want to thank our
new sponsor, Eggman Industries,

makers of the Kiddie Fun Ball.

[ticking]

Oh, this is not good.