01x15 - Egg in the Family/The Right to Bear Arms/This Week in Future Science 2

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: One boy...

Yeah!

NARRATOR: One worm.

You know it.

(GROANS)

(BEEPS)

NARRATOR: These are
their adventures.

(ROARS)

(WHOOPING)

Sweet!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Whoo!

All right, yeah.
Pretty fun. Future-Worm.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

I don't know if I'm ready
to be a father yet, Ruby.

You don't get to choose.

All the C students have to take care
of an egg for a week.

Who's mandatory extra credit?

You are. You. (CHUCKLES)

So we've got till Friday.

What do we do first?
Play catch with it?

Careful, Paco. That's our fragile,
little, farm-fresh baby child!

Come on, he's tougher than you... Whoa!

think.

(GASPS)

What?

I can finally check
bounty hunting off my list.

Next up, swimming with dolphins.

Can't wait to cash him in for our reward.

Unlimited breadsticks from Food Pit.

And we caught him alive,

which means free dipping sauce.

(LAUGHING, SMACKING LIPS)

That's why I keep
this containment cell handy.

'Cause you know I ain't trying
to pay for dipping sauce, boy!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

RUBY: Our baby!

-The bounty!
-El huevo!

-Yeah.
-Oh.

Hey, watch it, punks!

Danny, it's Dog Boy and Sunflower.

What's the haps, peeps?

We're raising a child together.

Whoa! Gnarly!

It's for school.

Whoa, gnarly.

Ms. Frumpenbatch said we should all learn

the disappointment
of giving your heart to someone

that doesn't appreciate you
and ultimately leaves.

Sounds fun.

Well, me and Fyootch gotta go

turn a savage space criminal
into breadsticks.

Peace.

Wait a second.

Boy or girl?

Doesn't matter. We'll love it either way.

What do you mean? Of course, it's a boy.

Free dipping sauce,
here we come!

All right!

Whoa.

These dudes are crazy.

Cool! Robo-Dino!

What'd you do to get
a bounty on your head

you little cutie?

(TUTTING) Don't encourage it, D.

Thing's a stone-cold criminal.

All these lousy bounties are.

How do we know they're all bad?

Maybe some of them just got a raw deal.

Nobody good ever had their face
on a wanted poster, D.

And nobody gives away
free breadsticks without a good reason.

All right, let's get this over real quick.

(GRUNTS)

(MAN OVER PA)
Now serving seven.

(GROANING)

So...

What are we doing?

Keeping our child insulated
from all danger.

That's what parents are for.

(SQUIRREL CHIRRUPING)

Get away from my baby!

No, that's what his shell is for.

Parents buy you bicycles
and take you sledding in winter.

They also give you a bandage
when you scrape your knee

and cry for mommy.

I told you I wasn't crying!

-(SHELL ZAPPING)
-Paco?

(GASPS)

I am Solip Nihilos.

Born from the ashes of a dying star.

Your mortal chains could not hold me.

I told you he was a boy.

Now you shall be my prisoners.

(GRUNTING)

Wowzers.

For last year's project,
we made papier-mache volcanoes.

Something might be wrong here.

Hey, school is weird.

Our teacher is a lizard.

Our star quarterback is a lobster.

I'd be surprised if our egg
wasn't a giant monster-man.

Good point.

And since he came out of our egg,

he's our child whether we like it or not.

Until Friday.

Watch where you're going, tonto!

(SCREAMING)

I can feel your anger, hon.

But let's talk about why you're stomping.

-Huh?
-Are you kidding?

That car was headed straight for him!

Solip, that was
his means of transportation.

Silence, being!

Solip hungers.

I think I have some celery sticks
left over from lunch.

Celery sticks? Ugh, disgusting.

What business have you with Solip Nihilos,

Destroyer of Worlds?

We're your parents!

We're keeping you alive
for a class project.

And because we care about you.

Solip needs no protection!

See? You're babying him too much.

We're creating a safe space
for him to express himself.

How's he supposed to express himself
if you keep telling him not to do stuff?

We can't just let him eat cars!

That's the gateway to eating people!

(SOLIP GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

Solip, honey,

I know you're not
really mad at that building.

What's really going on?

Is seeing your parents fight
hurting you inside?

(BELCHES)

Nothing hurts the eater of stars!

Sometimes you just need
to let your inner monster out, Ruby.

Chug it, Solip!

But v*olence is never the answer.

(CRASHING AND EXPLODING)

I tire of your moralizing, small one!

Prepare for annihilation.

That's fine.

I won't love you any less.

And I'll forgive you from my second life.

Unless I come back as like a rock
or a cloud. But if I can talk...

What? Do you not yearn
to take up arms and destroy me?

-(BOTH LAUGHING)
-Oh, Solip.

Oh, mijo!

You have your father's temper,
that's for sure.

My insides are rapidly warming.

Losing anger...

What sorcery is this?

It's no trick.

It's love.

We love you.

Even if you're cranky or tired

or destroying a town.

We're your parents
and we love you, Son.

(MUTTERING)

Love?

Okay, but is solar-max prison
about rehabilitation

or just punishment?

Maybe this poor world-destroyer guy

didn't have cartoons
to teach him right from wrong.

Let me answer your question
with a question,

why are you trying
to ruin breadsticks for me?

I'm just saying,

sometimes society makes
monsters out of molehills.

Well, sometimes those molehills

are full of rabid mole people
who are trying eat you

when you're just a worm
having a good time in the dirt.

Everyone's got good inside 'em, Fyootch.

You just gotta give 'em
a chance to show it.

Pfft.

You think if you tell
some bad guy you love him

he's gonna hold hands
and talk about feelings?

I felt so alone.

I was a cosmic accident
born of a supernova.

My life spent alone.

A pariah.

A freak.

Everyone would rather lock me up

than try to understand
the pain of my solitude.

Until now.

Oh.

Aw, what's wrong, little bear?

Oh, I regret ingesting
the sandy gray rock muck.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Thank you, Mom, Dad.

We are so getting an A.

(SPACESHIP APPROACHING)

Solip Nihilos,

we've come to claim
the bounty on your head

for crimes against humanity,
alienmanity, and spacemanity.

(GROWLING)

Remember what we taught you.

Kn*fe on the right, fork on the left?

Use your feeling words.

Rip the Disemboweler,

when you try to capture and sell me,

I feel disrespected.

Surrender or be vaporized!

Don't forget
that other thing we taught you...

Run!

Now there's a guy who could stand

to get in touch with his feelings.

(MAN OVER PA) Now serving .

(SNORING)

Eight-fifty-nine.

(DANNY GRUNTING)

Eight-fifty-nine.

What? Who? Huh?

Yeah!

Finally!

Bounty?

I'm not sure we should do this.

Maybe this Solip Nihilos dude
isn't a bad guy.

(ALL GASPING)

Solip Nihilos is hands down
the evilest evil in the galaxy.

Bam!

"Evilest evil in the galaxy."

Checkmate, slam dunk!

Hate to watch you lose,
love to watch me win.

One bounty, please.

(GASPS) Ruby and Paco!

I got yolk in my beard.

Don't worry, mijo.
We won't let them take you.

It's okay.

I've done bad things, and I know now

that doesn't make me a bad person.

But I must take what you call

"the re-sponse-a-bility."

You don't have to do this.

You showed me right and wrong.

Turning myself in is right.

Thank you.

I couldn't ask for better parents.

I love you.

This is a really intense class project.

I surrender.

You what?

(LAUGHING) Wait.
Hold on, have you been...

crying?

Get a load of the big baby!

(ALL LAUGHING)

(GROWLING)

We have to lead by example.

Here, take a swing.

First hit's free.

I want you to do it.

No? Wow.

I guess the great undisputable evil

turns out to be an undisputable wuss.

(ALL LAUGHING)

I'll tear his arms off!

Let me at him! (GROWLING)

Solip's... (EXHALES)

doing the right thing.

Whoops. I slipped.

(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

Forget everything I just said.

Nobody hurts my son!

No, Ruby! The passive resist...

(GROWLING)

Ah, never mind.

(RUBY SCREAMING)

RUBY: Get away from him, you jerk!

Wow, Mom.

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING)

No fair, I wasn't ready.
You cheated, I hate you!

(CRYING)

So, who wants gelato?

That was unexpected.

Non-v*olence is good,

but a mama bear's gotta throw down hard

to protect her cubs.

Remind me never to get
on your mother's bad side.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Ruby, Paco, get back!

That's an evil space criminal!

Don't worry, he just needs

a sample platter of Ab-etizers.

(GROWLING)

-Uh-oh.
-I can't watch.

NARRATOR: Future-Worm!

DANNY: Durple Dop City!

My favorite city,
in my favorite year, ...

Future-Worm here to future-wrestle.

(SPITS) Let's do this!

Can't believe I'm finally
gonna tangle with my hero,

Six-Feet-Under Superdead Johnson!

Go get him, Fyootch!

Can't you read?

This is a two-armed event. See?

No ten-arms. No no-arms!

(EXCLAIMS) What?

I've never needed arms
for anything before in my whole life!

Do we have a problem here?

(SPUTTERS, YELLS) Super DJ!

This clown says I can't fight you.

You gotta set him straight.

Ha! You think you can wrestle me?

With zero arms?

Uh... Well, yeah.

I'm treasurer of
the Superdead Johnson Appreciation League.

(GROWLS)

You're just making me angrier.

And the angrier I get,
the less I want to fight you!

Well, now you're making me angry.

And the angrier I get,
the more I want to fight you.

Well, I ain't fighting
some noodle in a visor.

Now, get out of here!

(GRUNTING)

I don't need no arms.

Never needed arms for anything.

Don't listen to him, man.

You're great the way you are.

Now, come on. I know Durple Dop City
like the back of my hand.

Let's go have fun!

Yeah!

I'm not gonna let the fact
that my idol and favorite wrestler

humiliated me
in front of my best friend

and ruined my confidence...

Good, 'cause I thought you
were gonna go to Jarmy's Arms,

buy a pair of arms,
fight Superdead and get revenge.

(LAUGHS) Revenge.

Yeah, right.

Wait. There's a Jarmy's here?

And over here,
we've got the Octo-John .

-The "spider gone wild" look.
-Yuck.

Someone's overcompensating.

Uh, yeah, that's too many arms.

Why don't you ease me in?

The laser-axe ones
kind of match your titanium abs.

Yeah, but these are all...

You know, these are fake.

Aw, Fyootch, real, fake, it don't matter.

You don't need arms.
Let's forget it. We can go to the...

Say, Jarmy,
you got anything super experimental

and dangerous in the backroom
to grow me some arms?

Well... I do.

But it's super experimental and dangerous.

So, yeah, yes.

(MACHINE WHIRRING)

(LAUGHING)

Any moment now
you'll grow two human arms.

Wait! Human arms?

I want bear arms!

Do something, Danny!

Bear arms?

I don't know about this. But all right.

(MUMBLING)

You take that wire...
Oh! No, not that one.

It's too dangerous!

And experimental!

Oh, yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about!

(GRUNTING)

Superdead is going super down.

(COUGHING)

Uh, this is interesting.

This is really bad.

We need to reverse the charge.

Reverse the huh-wha?

We need to reverse the charge.

Sorry, Future-Worm.

As long as you have arms,

Danny's arms will continue to grow.

Forever.

Okay, so,
if we turn the machine off,

we both go back to normal?

-Yes.
-Great!

You're good, right, D?

Uh, I guess so.

(LAUGHS) Good.
All right. Give me some claw.

Yeah. All right.

We've got five minutes before the match.

Let's see
this Durple Dop City you love so much.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(SHUDDERS)

(DANNY GROANING)

(GRUNTING)

Oh, no.

(GRUNTS)

-(STRAINING)
-(CUP SHATTERS)

(GRUNTING)

Take it away, Danny!

(DISCORDANT MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTING)

-(ALARM BEEPING)
-FUTURE-WORM: Oh, snap!

It's wrestle time, son!

(CROWD CHEERING)

(DINGING)

(GROWLS)

I hate that I'm fightin' you!

I love that you hate it.

(GRUNTING)

Whose confidence is shattered now?

Pin him, Fyootch!

(CROWD CHANTING) Pin him!

Pin him!

Pin him!

Should have got
these bear arms years ago!

Behind you!

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING)

Sorry, D!

Good thing your arm-pile
softened the fall.

Let me just finish up
my revenge here, then we'll...

(DANNY GRUNTING)

Uh, Danny? Are you okay?

Stop hitting yourself.

Stop hitting yourself!

(GRUNTING)

Fyootch!

I messed up, Danny.

I really soured
the friendship cream today.

(GRUNTS) I'd probably win
if I didn't have arms.

What if I turn off
the arm machine?

How?

My hands know this city
like the back of themselves.

(GRUNTS)

(PLAYING CHOPSTICKS)

(EXCLAIMS)

Aw.

(GRUNTING)

Give up!

Never!

Watch this!

Aw, man.

Heck with this.

NARRATOR:
b*llet Proof Beard, Sucka!

It's my trademark!

There's more where that came from.

(GROWLING)

(NARRATOR READING)

(SUPERDEAD GROANS)

(NARRATOR READING)

One, two, three.

You're out!
(DINGING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

That was awesome!

Sorry I can't hug you back, bud.

You know it don't matter!

Hey!

I hate you!

But you're all right.

You're welcome to fight me
anytime, noodle.

Who needs arms to fight?

Somebody take my arms.

Get these arms off me.

Nothin' like whooping a dude's butt

to get his respect!

NARRATOR: Future-Worm!

NARRATOR:
This week in Future Science!

(GRUNTING)

BOTH: So.

You wanna know how
Future Science is done, son?

BRAD: Step one.

(GRUNTING RAPIDLY)

Get swoled!

Yes, revolutionary
new equations and stuff, bro.

(BRAD READING)

Get the Genetic Escalator...

Bumping!

(AIR HORN BLARING)

Time to feed the beast!

(GROWLING)

Hyper-homemade
jerky burritos incoming!

Plus a little Mega-Plutonium.

(BELCHES)

(BRAD READING)

Wait for a cool animule
to drop out of el portal.

Takes a while, so...

Lay back and do hobbies.

Personally, I enjoy making fancy hats.

Hobbies?

More like time to dance on Brad.

Pop it, lock it.
Pop it, lock it.

Dude, stop!

Stop!

Stop or I'm telling Dad, broseph!

(SQUEAKING)

(BURPS)

(EXCLAIMING AND LAUGHING)

So, Rad!

Check it.

Crab's doing sweet little baby crunchies.

Wants to be like us.

Let us do it that honor.

(BEEPING)

COMPUTER: Super swole with an insatiable
desire to get super more swole.

Fashion game on lockdown.

Willing to spot a bro
like the dickens.

m*ssile launchers.

Y'all sure that's a good idea?

Yeah, duh.

What could go wrong, son?

Whoa! What've we done, son!

Brah. Getting so weak
without my workouts, brah!

Brad,

you always spotted me
when I was lifting.

Spot me now, man, as I die.

Rad.

Spotting!

You're a straight geniustician, yo.
Scope it!

Hey, horseshoe,

you willing' to spot me
like the dickens or what?

Now, Brad!

(GRUNTING)

(ALARM BEEPING)

(GRUNTING)

Whoa.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

All right, future historians.

This party's about to go
down in history.

(CHEERING)

(GLASS SHATTERING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHEERING)

That was tight!

(GRUNTING AND CHEERING)

Brad? Rad?

(GRUMBLING)

BOTH: Sorry, Dad.

(GRUMBLING)

(NARRATOR READING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)