04x07 - Hex and the Single Guy

[bunniefuu]

- Morning, y'all.
- Morning.

- Happy Halloween.
- Good morning.

What is this bill, Vivian?
Two thousand dollars for flowers?

- That's for Trevor's perpetual care.
- What?

He was Hilary's fiancé.

They get you coming,
they get you going.

I can't believe it's been two months
since Trevor's bungee accident.

Thank God,
Hilary seems to be doing better.

For a while there,
she seemed so crushed.

Not any more than Trevor.

Hilary is just exhibiting
that old Banks resiliency.

Why, if you ask me,
I'd say she's back to normal.

Whatever that is.

Guess who
I'm going out with tonight?

- Who, sweetheart?
- Trevor.

Hil, Hil, listen.

About you dating Trevor...

Oh, gosh, how can I put this gently?

I can't, he's dead.

Will, Hilary's been through a lot.

I'm sure she has a rational explanation
for what she's saying.

Of course, I do.

There's a TV psychic
who can channel Trevor's spirit.

Okay, I owe you one.

His name is Skorpius
and I've arranged for a séance.

Hilary, sweetheart.

You don't really believe
in this séance mumbo jumbo, do you?

Believe in it?
I spent 300 dollars for it.

Honey, you spent
300 dollars on a séance?

Not on the séance, for the séance.
I needed a new hat.

The 1000 dollars Skorpius is charging,
I just put on Daddy's gold card.

Now, I can say goodbye to Trevor.

I don't know. If you ask me,
it would be cheaper to just dig him up.

Skorpius says I need to bring
at least four loved ones...

...to create enough psychic energy
to reach Trevor.

So, what do you guys say?

I say, thank God, I'm not a loved one.

You don't understand.

Trevor's bungee accident
left everything up in the air.

I need closure.

I for one would be happy
to go with you.

And I'm sure everyone else here
would too. Wouldn't we?

- Oh, I gotta go do my costume.
- I'll help you.

Me too.

I can't believe you people.

How can you do this to me?

I guess we're just not
a close family anymore.

I guess Hilary's wellbeing
just is not important.

I guess nobody cares for her
the way I do.

I'll go with you, Aunt Viv.
I can go to my party later, okay?

All right, all right, all right,
I'm on board.

But it'll cut
into my trick-or-treating time.

Oh, all right.

Come on, Will. Let's go tell Hilary.

Learn from me, child.

Oh, yes,
the little kiddies have arrived.

Oh, how I adore dressing up...

...for those adorable little ghosts
and goblins every year.

Trick...

Hey, you forgot your candy!

Geoffrey.

It's Halloween. It's supposed
to be fun for the children.

Oh, tell it to Barney.

Hi, Will.

Oh, boy, I love this.

Halloween, the only night
a black man can walk around...

...in this neighborhood with a mask on
and not get arrested.

Oh, what a night. I made a k*lling.
Twenty-six Milky Ways.

And the Democrats say
there's a recession.

What are you supposed to be?

My idol, Macaulay Culkin.

You know why he's my idol?

Why?
Because y'all the same height?

No, because his movies have grossed
over half a billion dollars worldwide.

Not to mention,
he's one heck of an actor.

Let's go, everyone.
I don't wanna keep Trevor waiting.

What's the rush?
Ain't like he going nowhere.

I hate L.A. Smog.

Where's Will?

I'm sorry, I'm stupid. I'm stupid.

This is fine, isn't it?

Oh, we got to get one of them
in the girls' locker room.

- Wow, this place is really creepy.
- I know.

Who would put a deco table
on a Persian rug?

Skorpius.

Hello.

Is anybody here?

I am Skorpius the Magnificent.

I see all.

I know all.

Who are you?

We have an appointment.
We're the Banks...

Stop, don't tell me...

You're the Banks family.

I love when a man pulls my chair out.

- Come, come, sit.
- I want to sit close to the door.

That was decent. That was decent.

Yeah, well.

Nice sh*t.

Now...

Make ready to contact the spirits.

Seem like somebody made contact
with one too many spirits, you know:

Mr. Skorpius, do you really think
you can reach Trevor?

- Lf he's up there, I'll find him.
- Hey, look, Skorpius, check it out.

While you're there,
see if you can find Marvin Gaye...

...and find out
what was really going on.

That was a good one.

I will now make contact
with Trevor Collins.

Everyone join hands.

Spirit guides, I summon you.

This humble earthly vessel awaits.

Fill me with your essence.

Seem like some medium
ain't paid their electric bill, huh?

I'm getting a message
from the spirits.

Oh, they wish me to tell you:
"Shut your pie hole."

I feel a presence in the room.

A tall, good-looking man...

...whose life revolves around news.

That's Trevor.
I know his vibration.

Trevor, I think about you constantly.

And I, about you.

I wish I could see you.

I wish I could see you too.

I thought they was boring
when he was alive.

Trevor, now that we can talk...

...there's something I've wanted
to ask you since the day you d*ed.

Of course, Hilary. Ask me anything.

Do you know where I left
my black suede purse?

Your black suede purse?

Well, now, let me think.

Please.

Come on, man, I could be sucking
on some honey neck bone right now.

Oh, the connection is fading.

I'm losing it. I'm losing it.

Oh, like you ever had it.

- Come back.
- Yes, Trevor, don't go.

Trevor has left the building.

I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

Couldn't we try again?

I couldn't possibly traverse
the void again.

Tonight, that is.

Of course, there's always tomorrow.

And miss Saved By The Bell?
I don't think so.

Oh, let's have a look-see.

You know,
I could fit you in around 7...

...right between
the exorcism and step class.

- Daddy?
- No, I don't think so.

And I think I'd like
my 1000 dollars back, please.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry,
but the spirits don't give refunds.

Uncle...

Listen, Scrupulous.

I think you should just give
my uncle his money back.

We all had a good laugh,
but this whole thing is bogus...

...and you, sir, are a fake.

Nobody calls me the F-word.

From this day forward...

...you will bring evil
to all those in your presence.

You will end up alone
and forever hexed.

I placed a curse on you.

The whole thing
gave me the creeps, Geoffrey.

Do you really think
a person can be cursed?

How do you think I ended up here?

Hey, y'all, check it out,
I got me a party to hit.

So if I hook up with some babe tonight,
I promise to practice safe hex.

This isn't funny, Will.

- You ruined my séance.
- Forget the séance.

He may have ruined our lives
once this hex kicks in.

Cut it out, Carlton.
There is no such thing as a...

Oh, my God.

Carlton, what's that hideous thing
growing out of your neck?

- What, what? Where, where?
- Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Hold on. Hold on.

Never mind. It's just your head.

Hey, Hil, look.

Trust me. Wherever Trevor is,
he loves you and he misses you.

What about the hex?

Look Macaulay,
there's no such thing as a hex.

I'll get it.

Hello.

Yes, this is he.

What? Is this some kind of a joke?

Oh, that's preposterous.

You're right, I will talk to my lawyer.

Philip, what is it?

The DA says he has proof
that I took bribes.

- What?
- How?

I've been suspended from the bench.
My reputation is destroyed, I'm ruined.

Morning, Uncle Phil.

Did you talk to your lawyer yet?

I'm through, Will. I don't know why,
but the DA has it in for me.

I could get 10 years.

Uncle Phil, you're innocent, man.

Dad, I just want you to know
that regardless of what happens...

...I'll always be at your side.

Carlton, what the hell
happened to your hair?

Oh, no, you don't.
I'm not falling for that again.

Oh, my hair.

I look like a snow cone.
What happened?

- The hex.
- Oh, Carlton. That's not it.

That gold stuff must have done
something to your hair.

Now, just... Just wash it out.

- I did last night.
- Help! Help!

- Ashley.
- Help!

Somebody turn it off!

What do you mean, that was out?
That was in!

What's going on? I heard screams.

Ashley was att*cked
by the tennis-ball machine.

Oh, thank goodness.

For a moment there, I thought you'd
found those Polaroids of me in a tutu.

New Year's Eve. A fellow gets crazy.

You all right, sweetheart?

I think I sprained my ankle,
and my big tournament is tomorrow.

Why would the machine
go haywire like that?

It's the you-know-what.

I'm telling you, Dad,
it's gonna pick us off one by one...

...until we all end up
on Unsolved Mysteries.

Would you shut up with this hex.

I mean, it's all just
one big coincidence.

- Can I help you?
- Are you Geoffrey Butler?

Yes, I am.

And you must be
the woman of my dreams.

You are.

Geoffrey Butler, I'm agent Wanda Davis,
lmmigration and Naturalization.

- You're in this country illegally.
- Uncle Phil.

No buts, Butler.
You're being deported.

- Let's go.
- Oh, God.

The hex has gone international.

Don't worry,
I'll get the best lawyer in town.

I don't need a lawyer.

What I need is a judge
who can be bought off, like you.

I was framed, I tell you, framed.

This is all your fault.

Now, come on, Carlton.
I don't know what's going on here.

But it don't have nothing to do
with no stupid hex.

Isn't that right, Uncle Phil?

I don't know
what to believe anymore, Will.

Come on, Uncle Phil, not you too.

Vivian. Vivian.

Jazz.

- Philip, do something.
- Hey, Dad.

Now that I'm going
to be in the family...

...maybe we could talk about
my trust fund.

- What did you say?
- Jazz and I are getting married.

Over his dead body.

Excuse me,
but doesn't anybody care what I think?

No.

Well, Jazz does.
And that's why I've fallen for him.

To think, all these years,
I never appreciated you.

I love you, Snookums.

Right back at you, Hilakums.

I'll be in the kitchen throwing up.

We're gonna name our first son
after you, Daddy.

By the way, I thought
we could get started tonight.

That's it.

This is all your fault.
You got us all hexed.

I want you packed
and out of here by tonight.

But wait... Wait a minute,
Aunt Viv, what are?

- Out!
- Aunt Viv. Wait a minute, this is me.

Your little Willie.

You know, the adorable, charismatic,
sometimes troublesome...

...yet overall wonderful young man
you've grown to love.

Don't throw me out. Listen.

I'll go back to Skorpius,
and I'll get us all unhexed, okay?

Hurry.

Hurry.

Hurry.

That's strange.

It's open, Mother, come on in.

Who are you?

Will Smith. Skorpius?

That's my last name.
I'm Ralph Skorpius.

What are you doing in my house?

It's me. Remember? The vampire.

You remember the séance,
the hex, the:

Listen, take anything you want.
Just don't hurt me.

Look, man, I didn't come here
to start no trouble.

I just wanna apologize.

What happened to this place, man?

What happened to you?

Anything you see here is yours.

Please, take it all.

Hey, look, Skorpius, man.

Look, I don't know
what's going on here, all right?

I just came to ask you
to break the hex, all right, man?

I'm begging you, man.

Why are you playing with me?

I think I'm losing my family, man.

I think I'm losing my mind.

Why you can't just break
the hex, man?

Break the hex!

I don't want no vase, man.

I just want you
to break the hex, all right?

Break the hex!

Break the hex, man.

Can you break the hex?

Break the hex.

Break the hex, man.

Why you can't break the hex, man?
Break the hex.

- Will.
- Break the hex.

Will, Will, wake up.

Will, you were having a nightmare.

Carlton. Your hair.

Hey, what kind of dream
were you having, mister?

Carlton, man.

Listen, we was all hexed
and everything.

Everything was going wrong...

...and the whole family
was turning against me.

Oh, it was a nightmare, man.

It was so real.

Well, I'm gonna go have
some breakfast. Wanna go?

Oh, yeah.

Breakfast, that's right.
With our family, right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, let's get to our family.

- Morning, y'all.
- Morning.

- Happy Halloween.
- Morning.

What is this bill, Vivian?

Two thousand dollars for flowers?

- That's for Trevor's perpetual care.
- What?

He was Hilary's fiancé.

They get you coming,
they get you going.

I can't believe it's been two months
since Trevor's bungee accident.

Hey, hey wait a second, guys.

Hey, let's talk about
something else here, right?

Thank God
Hilary seems to be feeling better.

For a while there,
she seemed so crushed.

Not any more than Trevor.

Hey, hey, hey, listen.
How about those Lakers, huh?

Hilary is just exhibiting
that old Banks resiliency.

Why, if you ask me,
I'd say she's practically back to normal.

- Whatever that is.
- Whatever that is.

Guess who
I'm going out with tonight?

No, no, no.

Let me out. Let me out.

- Who, sweetheart?
- Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, Mike?

Trevor.

No!

In five, four, three, two.

But it will cut into my trick or treats.

Here we go.

But it will cut into my trick or treats.

I can't.

I'm just gonna say my line and go.

I can't get it out.

- I cannot get it out.
- Come on, one more.

Hold on, hold on.