06x02 - Get a Job

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music]

Will.

Will,
would you hurry up already?

(Will)
'Hey, look, man, if you think
you can do it any faster'

'then you come in here.'

Oh, stop your squawking.

We only have 15 minutes
to do this.

(Will)
'Hey, look, I just ain't trying
to be out there'

'looking stupid, alright?'

[door opens]

Let's do this.

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how my life got
flipped turned upside down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you how
I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all sh**t' some B-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're movin' with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I could say that
this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to the house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell ya later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

And action!

Hi.

As the king of poultry

I know what good chicken should
taste like and if you..

Hold up, Carlton.
Wait a minute.

A chicken eating chicken?

That's just sick.

Hilary's gonna need her stage
in five minutes.

Oh, for crying out loud.

Whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey, girl.

What's up? How you doing? Hey.

What part of the chicken
you like? Huh?

Mm.

Excuse me. Break it up.

You, out.

Big Bird, back to work.

Hey, man, you know,
I don't know why

I'm doing this dumb mess
in the first place.

Because if you don't,
I'll fire you from the Peacock.

You'll drop out of school,
and the next thing you know

you'll be wrestling
for scraps with a guy named Joe

in the dumpster behind
the Sizzler.

But, hey,
you have to live your own life.

Hi. As the ain't-got-no-damn
choice king of poultry..

Cut!

[sighs]
I am not experiencing happy
chicken here.

[Will clucks]

Now I'm a happy chicken.

Wait a minute,
where are you going?

We haven't finished sh**ting
the ad yet, mister.

Look, Carlton.
I've had it, man.

I'm 20 years old
and I'm in a chicken suit.

You know,
I'm just sick and tired

of doing these stupid jobs.

With all due respect, Will

you're not exactly
overqualified.

Read my beak, I quit.

Wait a minute,
you can't quit, Will.

Get back here.
I'm your boss.

You better get back here.
Will, you better..

- Come back to the set.
- Look, I'm done, no.

- I said, I'm done. No!
- I need you on the set now.

What's going on?

(in unison)
It's him.

(in unison)
He started it.

Hil,
do you have any job openings?

I don't know. Ask Werner.
He's the producer.

- Well, do you?
- Uh, well, yeah.

As a matter of fact
we've been looking for

an assistant talent coordinator.

It's a lot of hard work

but there's plenty of room
for advancement.

Alright.
Assistant talent coordinator.

Hey, I mean, I can assist.

I'm-I'm talented.
Definitely coordinated.

[chuckles]

Hey, Carlton Banks here.
I'm Hilary's brother.

You know, I've been considering

a vocational change
for some time--

Whoa, whoa, wait. Hey,
what are you doing here, Teeny?

Look,
you already got a good job.

Eh, this is a better job,
so step aside.

Anyway, as I was saying--

You know, guys,
I make it a rule to

stay clear of all domestic
disputes.

So, uh, Hilary?

Hilary,
I never asked you for nothin'.

- Okay, you're hired.
- Yes!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute.
What about me? I'm your brother.

Okay, then you can have the job.

[chuckles]

This is easy. Ha-ha!

Hilary,
you just said that I could--

Okay, then you can have the job.

- But you gave me the job.
- I'm getting a headache.

Werner?
Handle this, please?

I've worked in management
for two years.

I can type 100 words a minute

I take shorthand,
I speak French and Spanish.

I'm pre-law with a 4.0 average.

Hm. And you?

Well, you know,
I mean, I don't like to brag..

- But?
- Oh, that's it.

I just don't like to brag.

Pay no attention to him.
He's a chicken.

But it was your idea for me to
be in this stupid suit.

That's right, you've got it.

[chuckles]
He's a follower not a leader.

No, sir.
I'm your man, Werner.

Listen,
why don't we go grab lunch

and you can bring me
up to speed.

[chuckles]

You know,
you remind me of myself.

I used to be an entry-level
butt-kisser too.

[both laugh]

[music continues]

Jazz, I'm telling you, man.

I would've been perfect
for that job.

That big Blow Pop head

swindled his way in
and took what was mine.

Damn. That's even worse than
getting b*at up by a girl.

But anyway,
this ought to cheer you up.

"Come get your freak on
at Club Freak On."

Took me a long time to find
something that rhymed with

"Freak On."

- Hey, hey.
- Oh, well, well.

MC Steal-A-Job is in the house.

Do I detect a little hostility,
Will?

Sour grapes perchance?

Face it, you couldn't handle the
responsibility of a real job.

It's not who you are.

Leave the handling
of the likes of Maurice
Perry

to professionals.

- Maurice Perry, the comedian?
- The one and only.

He's gonna be here any minute
with Hilary and Werner

to talk about the possibilities
of being on my show.

Wait. Your show?

It's only a matter of time.

Anyway,
we're gonna need the house.

So if you two don't mind..

Even if you do mind, go away.

Master Carlton,
your guest has arrived.

Hey, look here, Thumbelina--

Pay no attention
to my unemployed friend here.

You know, you really ought to
bring Maurice

past the club tonight.

I'm sure he wouldn't be
interested.

Besides, I have the pleasure of
escorting his sister

around town tonight.

Oh, two of y'all can fit
on a Big Wheel?

You were funnier
with your beak on.

That's it. Beak on.

"Come get your beak on at.."

Shut up.

Then this Chinese guy
comes in and says

"Supplies. Supplies."

Oh, that is so funny.

[chuckles]
I don't get it,
but you are so funny.

Carlton Banks,
pleased to meet you.

Ah, pleased to meet you.

I've always enjoyed your comedy.

I'm somewhat known for my
bon mots myself.

Ah, excuse me, Bonbon?

Um,
we're not finished talking yet.

Maurice, this is my cousin.

Although we never really did
a background check.

[Hilary laughs]

Oh, please. Sit down. Sit down.

Will,
this is a business meeting.

Why don't you go back
into the kitchen

and play with your future
cell mate?

So, Maurice, Hilary
and I just wanna thank you

for giving us the
opportunity
to sit and chat a bit.

Now, we're syndicated
in all primary markets now

and we're scheduled to expand..

Oh,
speaking of schedules, Carlton.

Um, the clinic called.

You're still on
for your implant tomorrow.

Uh, anyway, heh..

Our demographics at the
moment
are very similar..

Ooh, Carlton,
what is that on your lip?

Will, there's nothing on my lip.

Oh, nothing
but the rotting residue

of the lies you told
to steal my job.

For God's sake, Will, accept it.
The better man won.

Oh, yeah? Well, the bigger,
badder man's about to

b*at the better man
into oblivion.

(Hilary)
'Hello?'

Sorry, Hilary,
but this just has to be
said.

I think I've had about
as much lip

as I'm gonna take from you,
mister.

You think you can do this
job?

You really think
you've got the stuff

to handle high-profile
celebrities?

You think it's easy catering

to a low-rent
Martin Lawrence wannabe?

Huh? Huh? Huh?

Pardon me. Pardon me.

I don't have to sit here
and be insulted

by some black Potsie Weber.

I'm out of here, okay?

Werner, do something.

Oh, Will,
this is all your fault.

Alright, alright.
Hey, hey, hey.

Maurice, hold on,
hold on, hold on.

Hey, listen, man, ah..

This really doesn't have
anything to do with you.

You kind of drifted
into a no-fly zone.

Look, Potsie don't know
what he talking about, alright?

Look, you are all of that
and the truth of the matter is

my cousin Hilary's show
is really cool

the audience is growing
every day

and furthermore you'd have
a great time doing it.

- I don't know.
- Hey, hey, look.

Come on, man.
I'm telling you.

The honeys is buzzing around
there

like a straight-up beehive,
you know what I'm saying?

- You know?
- Alright, I'll do the show.

Alright.

But keep the Smurf away from me.

That's doable.

- You're fired.
- Aah!

Will, you're hired.

[screams]

[laughing]
Did you hear that?

You're fired and I'm hired.

Did you hear the rumor that
Carlton was fired

and Will was hired?

[screams]

(woman on TV)
'A court date has been set'

for the long awaited trial
of Tanya Baine

the infamous showbiz madam.

It is rumored that Ms. Baine's
pricey call girls

counted some of Hollywood's
top leading men as clients.

The high-profile case
has been assigned

to the prominent
Judge Philip Banks

who was shown here this morning
leaving the courthouse.

I'm not talking right now.
It would jeopardize the case.

No, I'm sorry.
Thank you very much.

- 'One more question.'
- Sorry.

(male #1)
'Please, if you could answer
one question.'

It's true what they say,
TV really does add ten pounds.

Hmm. What would account
for the other 250?

You know, you're not a man
who enjoys employment

are you, Geoffrey?

I thought you looked wonderful,
dear.

Thank you, darlin'.
Come on, Nicky.

Let's go in the kitchen
and get some..

Food?

[chuckles]
Shut up.

- Hey.
- Hey, hey, hey.

Well, I'm off to study.

Don't stay out too late, honey.
It's a school night.

Ooh. I'm sorry, Ashley.

[Will grunts]

- Oh.
- Whoa.

Hm, studying, huh? What is this,
your geometry dress?

Um..

- Ellen wants to borrow it.
- Oh.

Well, if it isn't the
wise-cracking, job-taking

sister-stealing slug himself.

Whoo! Who's sucking on them
sour grapes now, huh, Carlton?

I mean, hey, sure,
you lost your new job

and you can't get your
old one back.

But, hey, we've all got
problems. Look at mine.

I've got to
take out a famous comedian's

beautiful sister tonight
and I'm out of Binaca.

But you don't hear me crying,
do you?

Bo! Ah!

[doorbell rings]

Will, promise me you'll be on
your best behavior tonight.

- Hey, aren't I always?
- Will, I'm serious.

It's really important that
Maurice appear on my show.

Everything has to go smoothly
with his sister tonight.

Uh, really,
all kidding aside, Hil

I know how much this
means to you

and it means a lot to me
too.

- I'm not gonna let you down.
- Okay. Thank you.

May I present Ms. Jasmine Perry.

Now, which one of you handsome
men is Big Willy?

(in unison)
He is.

[music continues]

Mm. I'm ready
to get my freak on.

Looks like you already
got it on.

Listen, uh,
you wouldn't wanna go someplace

you know, that was a little
quieter, you know, maybe darker?

You're a little ahead of me,
Big Willy. But I'm game.

- Let's do this.
- Whoa, whoa! Aah!

- Wait.
- Let's go.

You know what?
Ah, on second thought

I think t-this place
will be just fine.

♪ Freak out ♪

♪ Le freak c'est chic ♪

♪ Freak out ♪

♪ Have you heard
about the new dance craze? ♪

♪ Listen to us ♪

♪ I'm sure you'll be amazed ♪

♪ Big fun to be had by
everyone ♪

♪ It's up to you ♪

♪ It surely can be done ♪

♪ Young and old are doing it ♪

♪ I'm told ♪

♪ Just one try ♪

♪ And you too will be sold ♪

♪ It's called Le Freak ♪

♪ They're doing it
night and day.. ♪

Aah! Hey, hey, hey.

[groaning]

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Are you okay?

Oh, no,
it's-it's my stomach.

I-I probably should've waited
about an hour before we danced.

You know what?
You know what?

Um, I should take you back
to your hotel.

[music continues]

Whoo!

Hey, girls, here I go.

[chuckles softly]

Alright.

Where's the troll?

Oh, I put her
back under her bridge.

[both chuckle]

No, man,
I dropped her off at the hotel.

Ready to kick off round two.

Whoo! Ding, ding!

What's up, baby? Why don't you
hurry and write your number down

before I don't want it no more?

Come on, let's dance.

- Hey, what's up, Ash?
- 'Whoo!'

- Ashley?
- Oh, Will.

I can explain.

I can't explain.

Hey, weren't you supposed to be
studying?

Oh, well, we did study

really fast,
and then we came here.

You are learning entirely too
much from me, young lady.

Oh, Will, it's just ginger ale.

Come on,
let's get something to drink.

Oh. Oh. Just..

You're not gonna tell, are you?

- Behave yourself.
- You too.

Hey.

[chuckles]

Hey, you wanna get a dance off?

Um, why don't you get
Maurice
something to drink?

Whoo! You like that, huh? Ah!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Hey.

Hey, look who's here.

- Where's Jasmine?
- Who?

- Jasmine.
- Oh!

You said, "Jasmine"

I thought you said, "Jazz, man."

Will, you dumped her,
didn't you?

Hey. Hey.
Don't go conclusion jumping--

Will, you knew how important
this was.

How could you do this to me?

- But what had happened was..
- You gave me your word.

You-you're right. Um..
I'll take care of this, Hil.

Excuse me.

[music continues]

Oh, man.
Hey, G, did Jasmine call?

No, I'm afraid not, sir.

[sighs]

I don't believe this, man.

She's not at the hotel.

She's not at the restaurant.

I don't know what to do.

[sighs]

I-if she tells her brother that
I dumped her

ain't no way he's gonna do
Hilary's show.

[exhales]

I-I cannot believe that
I blew this.

First time I have a chance
to prove that I'm not a joke..

...and I am.

Perhaps you might enjoy
a bowl of soup, sir.

Ms. Jasmine brought it by
for you.

She was here?

Why didn't you say she was here?

You asked if she called,
sir.

G, come on, man.

- Where is she?
- I don't know.

I believe Master Carlton
took her to Club Freak On.

Why would he do that?

Don't know, don't care.

Oh, I get it.

He's trying to
steal his job back

and he's using Jasmine to do it.

Ooh!

[music continues]

Hey, Jazz, what's up?

Did you see that girl
I was here with earlier?

Come on, man.
I'm still trying to forget.

Stop playing, man.
Where is she?

Gone.

Boy, you got it bad.

[indistinct]

[music continues]

[crickets chirping]

- 'Ashley.'
- Yes, daddy?

How was studying?

Um, fine.

You know,
the funniest thing happened.

- You're never gonna believe.
- Uh-huh.

Will a week cover it?

Better make it two.

Two's good.

[Will sighs]

[chuckles]

Aah!

So did you do it?

Well, I hope you're happy now.

You know, you got what you
wanted. I'm out. You're in.

- Is that about it?
- Oh! No, sir.

I have only begun.

See, you know what kills me?

I was laughing while I was
walking home 'cause it's funny.

You know,
how we can live together

all these years
almost like brothers

and you could still low-bridge
me the way you did.

- Are you about done?
- Oh, no, sir.

Furthermore, you little..

- Snake? Weasel?
- Oh, yes.

- Nerd?
- Oh, yes.

How about square-headed
short stack?

This is not the way
this is supposed to be
going.

Well, you're mad at me for
stealing your job, aren't you?

You daggone right.
You shouldn't have done
that.

You knew how much
I wanted this job.

And you demonstrated that

by ditching your responsibility,
Jasmine.

Who may not be a looker, but is
quite an entertaining gal.

Look, fine. Be that as it may

it does not change
what you did

and what you always do to me.

Man, you are just so selfish.

Dude, you got everything,
but still on top of that

you gotta take everything
that everybody else has.

Always about you. Carlton.

Carlton. Carlton. Carlton.

Oh, yeah? Well,
you know what your problem
is?

- No, I don't.
- You're a slacker.

You say you want things

but you're never willing to
work for it.

You never make the
sacrifice.

You-you think you're just gonna
charm your way through.

Just like your father.

Let me tell you something.

I am nothing like my father,
alright?

And I didn't steal your job.

What are you talking about?

Jasmine came by to see
how you were feeling

and I covered for you.

Her brother's gonna do the show.

Really?

Well, why'd you do that?
I thought you wanted that job.

I did.

But honestly,
I thought you're better for it.

Yeah?

And besides..

The Ivy League looks down
on the entertainment
industry.

[sighs]

You...had a great opportunity

to split my wig tonight, man.

You usually don't pass up
opportunities like that.

I thought it was time
for a change.

Damn, man, I'm saying.
You know.

You gonna be making changes
in our relationship

you gotta let me know.
You know what I'm saying?

I could've been
down at the club, you know.

There's some hundred percent
USDA prime choice down there.

I could be tenderizing
right now.

Tenderizing as we speak.

[exhales]

Hey, thanks a lot, man.

Look, I-I'm, I'm sorry about
that, alright? You know, you..

Hey, you're gonna find something
that's bigger and better.

I have no doubt.

- Hey, I owe you, man.
- Ah! Believe me, we're even.

No, no, no. I owe you.

Trust me,
we are definitely even.

[doorbell rings]

Oh! Listen, I'm, I'm tired.

Can you get that for me?

Oh, yeah, no problem, buddy.

Oh, you know what?

I gotta think of something real
fly to do for Hil too.

Get me and her back even again.

[switch clicks]

Carlton was right.

It was only a
three-and-a-half-hour virus.

I can't wait for you to take me
to Santa Barbara

for the weekend.

I hear they have nude
beaches.

[no audio]

Carlton!

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪♪