What?!
Here?!
Beowulf...
Gabrielle...
-It's good to see you.
-And you, Gabrielle.
Xena...
You're a long way from home.
What's goin' on, Beowulf?
Last time you saw Gabrielle...
...you were willing to walk through
a column of fire to be at her side.
It was love-struck foolishness.
I like my bones the way they are,
without the flesh seared from them.
Rest, slake your thirst.
We didn't come here to drink with you,
Beowulf.
-I need to see Odin.
-You know where to find him.
-In Valhalla, but it's not easy to get there.
-For some!
But you were a Valkyrie once, Xena.
You know the way to Valhalla.
Die a hero's death.
I'll escort you there myself!
That's part of my long-range plan.
Right now, I just need to see Odin.
Odin doesn't need to see you. In fact,
we have orders to keep you away from him.
Well, I don't wanna make
a sister Valkyrie look bad...
...but you're gonna have trouble
following those orders.
Think so?
Ok, ok, are we rolling?
Sund... Check, check.
Testing, , , .
Mary had a little lamb. Great.
All right... Ok...
Come on, let's go. Coming through.
Excuse me, excuse me. This way, come on.
All right.
Get out!
Here's Xena now. I think
we're just gonna go over and talk to her.
Excuse me, coming through.
Oh! Sorry, Valkyries.
Xena!
Would you care to tell me why you've returned
to the norselands at this time?
You realize Odin has vowed to k*ll you
should you return to Valhalla.
Would you care to comment on
that thr*at?
Xena?
In the time of ancient gods,...
...warlords...
...and kings...
...a land in turmoil
cried out for a hero.
She was Xena.
A mighty princess...
...forged in the heat of battle.
The power...
The passion...
The danger...
Her courage will change the world.
XENA, THE WARRIOR PRINCESS
Xena, Warrior Princess.
To many, she's seen as a savior...
...A protector
of the downtrodden and the innocent.
Others, however,
see her as nothing more than a butcher.
Her hands, stained
with the blood of hundreds...
No, thousands of innocent people.
Which is it?
Tonight...
...we put that question
to the legendary woman herself.
Hey...
-Hey! Watch where you put your hands.
-We're set. Roll sound!
Yeah, you watch where you put your hands,
buddy!
Xena! Welcome.
And also with us this evening...
...Gabrielle,
the Battling Bard of Poteidaea.
Xena's constant travelling companion
and the chronicler of her deeds.
-Glad you could make it.
-Thank you.
-It's good to be here.
-Great.
Xena, first to you.
You don't have exactly the greatest reputation
here among the norseman.
As a Valkyrie,
you used Odin's runes...
...to visit a reign of terror
on the people of this land.
-Everyone's seen the tapestry.
-Well, that was a long time ago.
So why come back now?
There's no love lost between you and Odin.
No, but that's just it. That's exactly
why Gabrielle and I have returned...
You betrayed Odin, didn't you?
Turning his... lover, if you will,...
FILE PHOTO - GRINHILDA
...Grinhilda, into a hideous monster.
Yeah, but Xena
changed her back.
But not before the she-beast
and her son Grindl...
...sent many a viking warrior
to Valhalla.
Is there a question in this somewhere?
Xena...
Is it your intention to k*ll Odin
and have yourself proclaimed a god in his place?
-What?
-Crazy.
-Do you deny that you stole the Rheingold...
-No.
...and forged that into a ring
which gave you the power of a god?
I gave back the Rheingold.
You can ask the Rhein maidens.
And what about the olympian gods?
You destroyed them also, didn't you?
-Not all of them, no.
-Oh, see...
-They were trying to k*ll her daughter.
-Right.
A daughter who was following very successfully
in her mother's bloody footsteps.
Now just a doggone minute.
Xena, do you still have the power
to k*ll a god?
I got the power to k*ll
much lower forms of life than that.
What's the matter, Xena?
Ucomfortable with the truth?
The truth?
You know what?
You wouldn't know the truth
if I grew fangs and bit you...!
Actually
this interview is over.
Come on, Xena,
why don't you just admit it?
You've always lusted
to have the power of a god.
And now you're here
to k*ll Odin.
Isn't that right, Xena?
You're here to k*ll Odin!
I think that was good,
I had her on the ropes.
THE RIVER STYX
Xena's protestations of innocence aside,
Odin,...
...would do well to fear her...
considering the fate of many others...
...who have crossed her in the past,
and ended up... here.
...on the shores of the River Styx...
in Hades.
Nah... I can't deny Xena's been good
for my business.
CHARON, BOATMAN OF THE DEAD
Wouldn't mind a vacation.
But, hey! It's better to be workin'
than not workin', right?
Of course it is.
What you're saying is
that most of these passengers...
...are here because of Xena.
Raw numbers? Nah.
She's a drop in the bucket.
But Xena has sent me
some pretty heavy hitters.
Elainus of Mycenae, Velasca...
Mark Antony, Callisto...
You can even make a case for Caesar himself.
You see, these people do not lose
their mortal coils without a fight!
Hey!
Sometime this eternity!
Unlike this guy...
...who's just been askin' for a one-way ticket
to the underworld, if you ask me.
Because is this gonna take long?
CALIGULA, FORMER EMPEROR OF ROME
You know, because I've been waiting...
CALIGULA, FORMER EMPEROR OF ROME
...for this stupid barge forever.
That boatman?
I've been bumped twice already. Peon!
Damned arrogant ass!
Doesn't know who I am.
It'll only take a moment.
I wanted to ask you
a few questions about Xena.
Xena?
You just wanna ask me about Xena?
Fine, I'll tell you.
She's a snake! A treacherous deceiver,
like the rest of her sex.
Never turn your back on her.
She and that bard of hers...
Yeah, like we don't know
what's goin' on there, huh?
Yeah, and they want you to think
that Xena fights for honor?
And she doesn't?
Look, I've spilled enough blood
in my day...
...to know why anyone does it.
It's the...
...scent of it, taste, the thrill!
Xena's no different!
I'll show you.
Hey, you, there.
Who k*lled you?
You did! Beggin' your pardon,
I think you were drunk.
-You slit me open from here to...
-Ba, ba, ba!
Come on, fancy pants!
I thought you were in a hurry!
Get your hands off of me. I'm in the middle
of an interview, you impudent cur!
Yeah, yeah...
You may have been a big-sh*t on Earth...
...but down here you're just dead.
Get used to it!
-Come on.
-Xena's evil!
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
I was a god!
A living god!
And that bitch took me out.
There's one more thing I'd like to say.
At least Xena pays her fare.
Unlike another so-called superhero
I know.
More like
super-cheapskate.
That's right.
I'm talkin' about you, Hercules.
Hercules...
"I was a god! A living god!
And that bitch took me out."
ARTIST'S RENDERING VALHALLA
Odin declined an interview for this story...
ARTIST'S RENDERING VALHALLA
...but a source within Valhalla...
...did agree to speak with us...
...on a condition of strict anonymity.
Welcome.
I understand that you're
masking your identity...
...in a magic cloak
of invisibility.
ANONYMOUS SOURCE
That is correct.
And that you understand,
what Xena wants here.
Oh, I know, all right.
Apples.
-Excuse me, you said "apples"?
-What are you, deaf?
She wants the golden apples.
Ah, I understand.
The golden apples.
FILE FOOTAGE - GOLDEN APPLES
...Protected by Frigga, Odin's sister-in-law.
It is rumored that
whoever eats the golden apples...
...will become a god themselves.
That's right.
Xena wants to be a god...
...Goddess... Whatever.
Before we get into that...
...you claim
to have masked your identity...
...in a magic cloak
of invisibility.
But isn't it true that only Odin himself
knows the mystic runes...
...whereby he can make himself... invisible?
Damn it.
Look...
I don't mind
if you know it's me.
I just want to appeal
to all loyal norsemen...
...to do whatever they can
to stop Xena from getting into Valhalla...
...and stealing the golden apples!
Why does she wanna steal
the golden apples?
So she can become a god!
Look...
She'll return Ares
to Olympus...
ARES, GOD OF w*r
...who will in exchange... make her his queen.
...who will in exchange... make her his queen.
But surely...
Ares and Xena have an adversarial history.
You buy that, do you? Huh?
You would.
Did you ever stop and think...
...why Xena didn't k*ll Ares
when she had a chance?
It's because she's got a thing for him!
She's always had a thing for him!
So, Xena's gonna be a god,
or a goddess, or whatever.
Well, it's not gonna happen,
you hear me, Xena?
You stay away from Valhalla
or you know what's gonna happen to you!
You'll never be a god,
Xena!
It seems that we are witnessing
an epic struggle here!
On the one hand, Odin
and his precious golden apples.
And on the other, Xena, seemingly
determined to possess them for herself.
But why?
Gabrielle!
Gabrielle...
Can you tell me if there's a sexual relationship
going on between Ares and Xena?
What are you doing here?!
Is Xena Ares' love sl*ve?
But there was one other person
who could shed some light on the twisted,...
...codependent relationship between
the Warrior Princess and the god of w*r.
Go away.
-I said get lost!
-There's definitely somebody in there.
I'm gonna keep trying.
Whaddya want?
I'm busy.
Are you Ares, the former god of w*r?
Who wants to know?
We're here asking
a few questions about Xena.
Why does she wanna steal
the golden apples?
I got nothin' to say
about Xena.
Odin believes it's because she wants
to restore you to Olympus.
That'd be damn nice.
As you can see, I haven't exactly got
the hang of this whole mortal gig.
But let me make it straight.
Xena owes me nothing!
According to Odin, you and she
have cut a deal...
...whereby she will reign by your side
as your queen.
Xena's had plenty of opportunities
to be my queen.
Frankly,
the job doesn't interest her.
Have you spoken with Xena
recently?
Listen, buddy. I wasn't the only god
sent down from Olympus.
-Why are you buggin' me?
-Are you saying that there are other gods...
-...who survived Xena's att*ck?
-Yo! Ares!
Wait a minute. Who's that?
Can I? I think we should.
-Hey!
-Come on!
Hey! This is private property!
Follow me.
Check it out.
All right...
Ya happy?
You see what the god of w*r has come to?
Well, have a good look.
-Laugh it up!
-Ares, what's the commo...?
You...
What are you doing here?
Xena... I was right.
You and Ares are plotting together.
-Stay out of my business, Nigel.
-Xena, are you in love with Ares?
All right, that's it!
Get out! Get out! Get the hell out!
Try and get...
You're animals! Scavengers!
Get outta here!
HEAVEN
Do you think Odin...
...has anything to fear from Xena?
Let me put it this way...
If it were my tail feathers on the line...
...I wouldn't trust Xena.
That's not a very charitable attitude...
coming from an angel.
ARCHANGEL MICHAEL
Archangel.
Archangel... Sorry.
Surely, as an archangel,
you are a creature of light, ethereal and pure.
Isn't it your job to believe
in the essential goodness of man?
Please!
We help mankind
to strive to achieve goodness...
...but we're not stupid.
Mankind has free will,
and Xena...
She exercises hers
with abandon.
Would you care to give us an example?
She puts her own self-interest
ahead of the greater good.
Did you know... she risked
unleashing Hell on Earth...
...to protect her own daughter?
But then surely she prevented that,
by k*lling Mephistopheles on Earth.
And by doing that, she fated herself
to take his place in Hell!
Which she did not.
Get this...
She cast one of our own,...
...archangel Lucifer,
down into Hell to take her place.
-Xena corrupted an angel?
-Archangel!
And if she's capable of doing that...
...Of seducing an archangel into assuming
the throne of Hell, you tell me!
Who wouldn't she be willing to screw over?
Who, indeed?
Hello.
I'm here, in Hell.
And I'm about to do
what no other reporter has ever done before.
I'm going to interview... Lucifer.
Excuse me, sir? Sir?
Horned one?
Is it true that you are
the prince of darkness?
What are you?
Please, try not to avoid the question.
The public want the truth.
...A portrait of the real demon
behind the myth.
-The real demon?
-Please, try not to cover anything up.
Cover anything up? I'm the devil, you idiot!
I'm really bad.
I'm evil incarnate.
What do I have to cover up?
Right, you have a point there.
What are you doing here anyway?
Are you one of mine?
No... No, no, no, no, no. Not at all.
I'm part of a journalistic invistigation.
...An investigation of Xena.
Xena?
You dare mention her name
in my kingdom?
So, you're not a fan
of the Warrior Princess.
Let me ask you something.
Do I look like a guy
who enjoys his present position?
Do you think I asked for this gig?
I used to be an archangel on the way up!
And then she came along!
So, you're confirming
the reports that Xena,...
...in order to avoid her own responsibilites
in Hell,...
...fooled an archangel
into assumsing the throne of the underworld.
She'll defend herself saying my pride
and ambition brought me down.
But I wouldn't be here if it wasn't
for her lies an deceit!
Then you believe the word of Xena
is not to be trusted...
She's a lying sack!
I only wish I could get her down here.
...Mete out some serious
everlasting punishment.
Well... That's not an impossible dream.
Given Xena's exploits
on Earth...
...I'm sure that she's bought herself
a one-way ticket... to Hell.
I wish.
With all her do-gooding...
...I fear she's escaped my wrath.
In a sense,
you're defending her character.
Which of course,
is what Satan would do...
...Try to defend one of his own demons
on Earth.
Y'know, you're a real pain.
I can't wait to get you down here.
With respect, sir,
that's not going to happen.
You see,
I'm not a murdering w*rlord.
No, no, no. I'm...
I'm an award-winning investigative journalist.
-I'm a member of the fifth estate!
-Like I said.
I can't wait to get
my claws into you.
And so we... we conclude
a rather disturbing interview...
...with the prince of darkness.
There she is. Follow me.
Excuse me. Excuse me!
Are you Eve?
Do you wish to join
our prayer circle?
No, not today, thanks.
I'd like to ask you a couple of questions...
...about your mother, Xena.
Whatever you wish to know...
...my mother can answer for herself.
Excuse us.
It's just a few questions.
Is Xena trying
to make herself into a god?
There is only one god. The god of Eli.
He teaches us to walk
the path of love.
I see.
And does your mother walk the path of love?
My mother respects our faith.
She would do nothing to offend it.
-Not even for Ares?
-What about Ares?
Well, Xena wants to restore him
to Olympus.
She's cut a deal to rule with him
at his side.
No.
The time of the many gods is passed.
Then why is Xena
trying to steal the golden apples?
And why is she shacked up with Ares?
Did you know that?
That's the same Ares that k*lled Eli...
...while your mother stood by
and did nothing.
You want to know about my mother?
I will tell you about my mother!
You little #@$%!
If my mother is with Ares...
...you can bet she's got a pretty #@$%
good reason!
Are you still jealous
that Ares was obsessed with your mother...
...the entire time
he was sleeping with you?
-You #@$% brat!
-Hey, get off! Get off me!
Stay the hell away from my mother!
You stay the #@$% away from me,
or I will kick your #$@%!
Not the kind of words you'd expect
to hear from Eve,...
...the messenger of Eli. Whatever happened
to walking the path of light, Eve?
♪@$% off!
You want your mother on Olympus,
don't you?
You wanna see the god of w*r
put back on his throne...
...so that you, and Xena and Ares
can continue your bloody menage a trois!
Tell me...
Tell me you got that.
You got that, didn't you? Did you get that?
A shocking display
from the messenger of Eli.
But not so shocking, perhaps,
coming from the daughter... of Xena.
For Xena provokes strong emotions...
...among those
who cross her path.
...Feelings of intense fear and hatred
among her enemies...
...and equally intense feelings of loyalty
among her friends.
And it is perhaps, this loyalty...
...that brings the person sitting
opposite me this evening...
...into the studio.
Gabrielle...
Thank you talking with us.
Well, you're welcome.
But don't thank me.
GABRIELLE, XENA'S SIDEKICK
I'm here to tell you...
...that you're wrong about Xena.
-Wrong in what way?
-In every way. Xena...
You know, you make it sound
like Ares and Xena...
...have this conspiracy
to try to rule the world.
-But they don't?
-No, Xena wants to save the world.
That's why she needs
the golden apples.
And I suppose that Ares
wants to save the world also.
It's hard to explain. He...
Well, maybe it's not so hard, Gabrielle.
Maybe it's quite simple.
Maybe it's not Xena's lust for w*r
that drives her...
...but Xena's lust
for the god of w*r.
Xena doesn't lust after Ares.
Gabrielle, kindly
direct your attention to the monitor.
So, they have history.
It doesn't mean anything.
Gabrielle, isn't it possible
that you're confused...
...by your own feelings
for Xena?
-By my feelings for Xena?
-Come on, Gabrielle...
I know that Xena is more to you
than just a friend.
Ok. You're right.
She's... She's my best friend.
What would you say, Gabrielle,...
...if I told you that not too long ago
I found your... friend... Xena...
...in a tumbledown little loveshack
at the edge of town...
...in the arms of Ares?
How do you feel about that,
Gabrielle?
-I don't know how I feel.
-Tell us all the truth.
You and Xena are lovers, aren't you?
Or should I say, you were lovers...
...until you were replace by Ares.
Gabrielle?
I...
Gabrielle...
Are you in love with Xena?
I don't love Xena.
Wait. You mean
you don't love Xena?
-Hey! It's a closed set!
-Closed set my #@$%!
Get out of my way!
Gabrielle...
Xena, I was just trying to stop him
from telling lies about you.
-I know. Let's go.
-No, no! Wait, wait!
Xena...
Are you in love with Gabrielle?
-Ya got some pair on ya, mister.
-Hey, I'm just doing my job.
And I'm just doin' mine.
If you've done your research,
you'll know...
...that I've just cut off the flow of blood
to your brain.
You got seconds to listen
to what I have to say. D'ya understand?
Understand?
You wanna know
if I love Gabrielle...
Well, let me ask you a question...
Do you love anybody?
Do you love your wife?
Do you love your dog? Do you love yourself?
Is there anyone in this world that you love
with all your heart?
No, there isn't, is there?
Because you can't love.
None of us can.
The world has lost the greatest gift
the gods ever gave us...
...and I'm gonna get it back.
Now that's your story.
Y'hear me, Odin?
I'm comin' for ya!
-So what's the plan?
-I'm goin' after Odin.
-Well, there's gotta be more to it than that.
-Why do you do that?
-Do what?
-Ask me to spell out the plan!
You'd think after all these years,
you could maybe join the dots yourself.
Well, why do I have to drag it out of you?
You know, I wish I knew the pinch!
I would force you to share
your little plan with me.
No, no, no. You can take the pinch off,
but you're not allowed to put the pinch on.
Oh, I'm not allowed?
Oh, that's right, I'm the sidekick!
You go ahead, Xena. I'll walk paces
behind you and your horse.
-You could walk beside my horse!
-That's really big of you, Xena!
Gabrielle, stop.
What's going on?
This isn't us.
We're saying things that...
people who love each other wouldn't ever say.
Yeah.
We've gotta get love back into the world,
Gabrielle, and fast.
Right.
So what's the plan?
NORSE TAVERN
A world... without love.
A world where the skills
of the delicious goddess...
...no longer lift us to heights
of almost intolerable pleasure.
Well, anything is possible.
But surely...
Surely the truth is...
Excuse me, excuse me,
I'm trying to report here.
The truth is that both Xe... Thank you.
...that both Xena and Ares are plotting...
Thank you.
Both Xena and Ares are plotting
to divert this reporter...
...from getting to the truth.
So, we've decided...
Excuse me! Excuse me! That's it!
Hands! Hands! Hands...
So we've decided
to come to the one place...
...where love is rarely
in short supply.
Got a number?
Did you take a number?
-Excuse me. Over here.
-Can't you count?
-Excuse me.
-All right! All right!
I know you're there!
You go after him.
-Yeah.
-Thank you.
Hi, there.
I wonder if we might have a word.
Well, what'll it be tonight?
We're running a special on a little number we call
"Thor's Hammer"...
...or for a bit extra,
you can get "The ride of the Valkyries".
"The ride of the Valkyries",
that sounds...
Well, business appears to be booming.
Well, look around!
My boys know
where to come to dock their longboats.
If you catch my drift.
So you would say, then...
...that there has been
no sudden shortage of love in the world.
-Oh, I didn't say that, now.
-You did say business was booming.
My business has never been about love.
If these boys
were looking for love...
...they'd be wooing their sweethearts...
or at home with their wives.
The less love I have to deal with,
the fatter my purse.
Interesting.
Calling number !
One "Thor's Hammer"!
'T'll make you feel like the god of thunder!
- ? You! I got !
-Ares, the former god of w*r...
No, I'm not.
Crap!
We found Ares,
the former god of w*r,...
...half-naked and stinking of booze
in a bordello.
I'm tryin' to get laid!
I'm not a criminal!
I'm following him now.
Excuse me, I'm...
CAVE
As news of our investigation
has spread...
...we've been contacted
by a source...
...who claims
to have some answers.
Halt.
Come no further.
The source...
-Who are you?
-That's not important...
...but what I have
to tell you is.
You're following the wrong story.
What do you mean?
Xena's trying to put
a god back on Olympus, all right.
-But not the one you think.
-But... which god?
You'll have to find that out for yourself.
I'm in great danger.
If Odin discovers I have betrayed him...
All right.
Here's what I'll do...
I'll mention each god by name,
and then I will count seconds.
If within that period, you fail to respond...
...I'll assume the answer is "yes".
Understand?
- seconds? What...?
-Ok. I'm counting.
Right...
Hades...
hippopotamus, hippopotamus,...
... hippopotamus, ...
Forget it!
I don't have time for this.
Wait!
If Ares and Xena aren't conspiring,
what are they doing together?
This isn't about Xena and Ares.
Xena will play whatever card she needs
to to get what she desires.
-What if she desires to be a goddess?
-Fool.
Xena doesn't wanna rule the world.
She wants to save it.
-How can you be so sure?
-Because she saved me.
Wait!
Where do I go from here?
Follow the love.
Follow... the love...
Follow the love...
A bizarre command in a world
seemingly devoid of love.
Yet something... has brought
these desperate people... to this place...
...in the hope that here they will find
whatever is missing in their lives.
They, too, are responding to the unspoken
command... to follow the love.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Can I get through here, please?
Media here. Media. Thank you.
Excuse me.
-May I ask you a few questions?
-I said, keep your mortal meathooks...!
Oh, my! What's this?
That's Aphrodite.
Hello, there!
Hey...
Get off!
I'm here with Aphrodite,
the former goddess of love.
Aphrodite, forgive me, but...
...didn't you completely lose your mind
after what happened with Caligula?
Oh, yeah, I did. But Xena pulled me out
of my madness and gave me back my life.
If you can call
this earthbound existence living.
Destined to grow, old and wrinkled...
...and sagging.
Aphrodite, these people...
What are they all doing here?
-Can you see this?
-What?
This line. How can you not see it?
My face looks like a roman road map!
-Oh, well, I really can hardly even see it.
-You can see it!
No.
No.
Aphrodite, these people...
What is it they want?
Oh, well... When I left Olympus,
the world was full of my love...
...but with me no longer there
to replenish it, it's just faded away.
Squandered by those who failed
to see how precious it was...
...and spurned by others who thought
they didn't need it.
And now, it's all gone.
Poof!
Poof, indeed.
But how could we not have noticed?
You mortals take love for granted!
It slipped through your fingers
so subtly...
...no one even noticed
it was gone.
Except for these few,
who are still drawn to me from the...
...last breath of love
that still clings to me, but...
...soon there won't even be that.
Aphrodite, is there nothing
that you can do?
As a mortal? No!
My powers are tied to Olympus
and there is no way for me to get back there.
Xena made sure of that!
Xena...
-Gabrielle, where's Xena?
-What are you doing here?
Aphrodite...
-It's good to see you.
-Where's Xena?
Will you get lost!
Look... Where is she?
I've got to talk to her.
-You just missed her.
-She's gone in to face Odin... alone.
Is she gonna k*ll him?
Xena doesn't have the power
to k*ll gods, not anymore.
But Odin can k*ll her.
We're here,
before the walls of Valhalla.
Xena entered just minutes ago.
You can hear the sounds
of an epic struggle, as Xena,...
...possibly the greatest human warrior
in the history of the world,...
...battles with Odin,
king of the norse gods.
Gabrielle, I have to say I'm glad
to see you're still travelling with Xena.
I was afraid that with me away from Olympus,
you two might not be so close.
No, we're... we're partners.
Xena is attempting to wrestle
the golden apples from Odin.
But the question
still remains...
Should she succeed
in getting these apples...
...on whom will she bestow
the gift of godhood?
Wait. Something...
Something appears to be happening
inside Valhalla.
The day may be decided.
Down there! Hurry up!
Xena!
-Are you all right?
-Couldn't be better!
-Incredible. You have beaten Odin.
-Don't rub his nose in it.
You know, you could have saved yourself
a world of trouble...
...if you just had'a coughed up
the fruit in the first place.
My pain is almost over.
Eat!
Then you can destroy me
and your victory will be complete.
Get a move on!
Xena! Xena?
Xena!
You're not gonna eat that apple,
are you?
Why ever not?
Because you don't plan to install yourself
as a goddess on Olympus.
No. No, your plan
is to bring love back into the world.
That apple is for Aphrodite, isn't it?
Give this apple to Aphrodite
and bring love back into the world...
That's a novel and very unselfish idea.
No, it's not something
that the Xena you know would do.
Well, maybe before...
...I was reporting on the wrong Xena,
Xena.
Maybe.
And maybe not.
Ares...
Xena, Xena, no. You can't send
Ares back to Olympus.
Now he's telling me
what I can't do.
I think I can.
It's juicy.
Oh, here it comes. Oh, yeah.
All right!
Yeah!
I knew it. You were in this for yourself
all along!
Of course she was, you moron!
Who wouldn't wanna be a god?
That's right.
Who wouldn't wanna be a god?
Go ahead. Take a bite.
It's good.
-Don't.
-Hey...
There's nothing for you here.
You know,
the weasel had a good idea.
Become a goddess...
We could have some kicks.
Wouldn't want you to be alone
on Olympus.
Xena, don't.
Aphrodite will keep you company.
Thank you, Xena.
-It really is good to see you again, Gabrielle.
-You've got that gleam in your eye, Beowulf.
Shall we leave these mortals
to their business, Ares?
Aphrodite gave you back
the power to love.
Think about it, Xena.
Think of the possibilities.
Odin...
Keep these someplace safe.
I guess you know
I'll never stop trying.
I'd expect nothing less.
Come on.
Let's go home.
Xena...
I've been preparing
for your arrival for weeks.
How did you breach our defenses?
-I cheated.
-What?
I had a little help from a friend.
Grinhilda...
Xena saved me, you know.
GRINHILDA, VALKYRIE
She changed me back from that horrible creature...
...I'd become.
This would be the horrible creature
that she turned you into in the first place.
That was a different Xena.
The dark, evil Xena.
But the real Xena...
...restored my human form,
and returned me to Valhalla.
And she asked me to unmake
the legacy of bloodshed...
...she herself had left
for Odin's people.
When Ares was expelled from Olympus,
that must have made your job a lot easier.
Why did Xena send him back?
You know why? 'Cause...
Well, you can't have love without hate.
You can't have peace without v*olence, and you
certainly can't have forgiveness without anger.
I knew I couldn't just send Aphrodite
back to Olympus without Ares.
It would have thrown the whole world
out of balance.
It is my people's lust for living
that makes us who we are.
The two competing forces...
...of their fierceness and their passion
that defines us.
Xena knew that.
So I sent you after Aphrodite
while I rounded up Ares.
Wait a minute.
You sent me after Aphrodite?
"Follow the love."
You're the mysterious voice
in the cave?
Xena wanted you out of her hair
for a while.
She figured she might as well
put you to work...
...getting Aphrodite for her.
I have to go.
Odin's still pretty sore at me.
We're heartily sorry
for our behavior.
It isn't in our teachings.
We wandered from the path of love.
But you're back on that path now.
Yes.
We're here to atone
for our transgressions against you.
No... That really isn't nece...
What are you doing? What are these?
You may flagellate us
for the sins that we committed against you.
-No. That's all right.
-No, we insist.
No, really,
you don't have to...
Do it!
Do I think she did it
because of how she feels about me? No.
I mean...
Don't get me wrong...
I mean, there were sparks.
I mean, you could see that, right?
No... She pretty much did it
for the same reason she always does.
...Redeeming herself
for her evil past.
"Oh, I k*lled so many people!
The pain, the pain..."
But my offer, it was genuine.
I mean,
there is a place for her here.
It's not what it used to be, though.
Ok, chuckles, let's cut it!
Ok? Outta here!
Do not make me zap you!
Gabrielle, Xena,
I have only one more question left.
The question that Gabrielle
has been avoiding all evening.
The question that has never,
ever been answered.
Are you two lovers?
-You're asking...
-That's right.
I'm asking...
Are you two lovers?
-That's none 'a your beeswax, Nigel!
-Ok, Xena, you know...
You just risked everything to bring
love back into the world.
So what?
I think you should answer the question.
-Oh, you do, do ya?
-Yeah.
Wait, wait.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
a world exclusive.
For the first time anywhere...
...Xena e Gabrielle reveal
the true nature of their relationship.
Gabrielle...
Xena...
Are you two lovers?
-You want the truth?
-That's right, Xena.
We want the truth.
The whole world wants the truth!
It's like this...
Technically...
What? What?
PLEASE STAND BY
It's dead? The battery?
This is the world's greatest story...
...and you're telling me the battery is dead?
I don't believe this! Oh, man!