01x05 - Millbank, IA

[bunniefuu]

Oh, what'd you bring?

Little baggies of snacks,
mini hand sanitizer.

- Is this a travel pillow?
- Yeah,

I've never flown private before.

I didn't know what to expect.

Dude, if you think the jet's nice,

we gotta take my yacht out.

Catch a tailwind down the coast.

Modelos, limón,

a warm body at every port.

You would crush.

And I'm there too on the boat.

I see everything.

Maybe we should wait
quietly until takeoff

and save these conversations

until the engine noise
can drown them out.

So touchdown in Iowa and
then we tour the warehouse

they're converting
into the Pika factory.

Then we freshen up at the
hotel before a picnic luncheon.

Oh, great, a picnic.

Love when my food gets to sweat
in the sun for a few hours.

Mm, and then there's the, uh,
official ribbon cutting ceremony

at the end of the day.

God, these townies really love a
chance to celebrate, don't they?

Well, this is the first
factory to open there

since the recession.
It's a lot of new jobs.

They... they want to
express their gratitude.

Ah, it's nice.

The public never really
liked me when I was CEO

of a drug company. I don't know why.

- Probably the opioid crisis.
- Maybe.

Or the price gouging
on prescription dr*gs.

You know what? I was a "girlboss."

That's very tough for some people.

Jack, it's a private plane.
You don't need to buckle up.

Aren't private planes
usually the ones that crash?

Well, yeah, statistically.

Little liquid courage?
Take the edge off?

- Oh, no thanks. I am good.
- Your call.

Hey, Captain Stevens,
want a little eye opener?

- I already got it...
- You know what? I'll take it.

Hey, uh, Jack, take it easy over there.

It's a business trip,
not a booze cruise.

Okay.

[sing-song] Someone got in trouble.

♪ Bom bom bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom
buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

And who do we have here?

Sharon has been working
nights at the gas station

ever since the plant
closed years ago.

Barely saw my kids,
but had to keep 'em fed.

I am so happy to get you
back on a regular schedule.

We'll have a night shift too.

Or the night shift.
It could to go either way.

It might be great to
have your days free.

- And this is Gary.
- Hi there, Gary!

Hey. You know, this is huge for me.

I'm gonna get Paramount
Plus and Peacock.

Wow, kind of a different perspective

than the whole starving
family thing over here.

It's kind of cool, huh?

Getting to give all these people jobs.

Mm-hmm.

Are you on Tinder?

Dude, I'm the namesake of the company

whose factory is gonna save this town.

It's like being a god.

How do I not let some of the local
ladies express their gratitude?

And you don't think that's
just a little bit sleazy?

Jack, you have to start taking advantage

of the perks of this job.

You see Ted over there?

He's just the head of manufacturing.

That guy gets so much P.

He's literally drowning in P.

You want in?

No, I think I'll just continue
with the work day as planned.

- More P for me.
- Thank you.

My daughter's finally
going to get braces.

You know, they get a bad rap,

but I really didn't mind having braces.

Leg braces?

Uh-huh. Yeah, mm-hmm.

And, hey, you look at me now. [chuckles]

What is this Polio-ville?

Mm-hmm.

I have been hearing such great things

from Ted for weeks.

With your help, the Payne Pika
will be the most affordable car

on the market.

A car for the people by the people.

What's the alternative to that?

A car by animals for animals?

Oh, you've all been so kind.

You know, Millbank is
surrounded by cornfields,

but I'm the one feeling buttered up.

[all laugh]

See, that has the cadence of a joke,

but is that logically sound?

You don't butter up a cornfield.

No.

God, it's nice to feel that love.

Feels so good to do good for this town.

Oh, yeah, these are salt
of the earth people.

- Yeah.
- Simple folk.

And not... not like in-bred simple.

Simple as in their internet is slow

and they don't care about
fiction books, you know?

I'm just realizing how little
face time we've had, Ted.

It's great to come to a town
and revitalize it, hmm?

First the factory, then other
businesses will follow.

Hip restaurants, you know?

- Bars.
- Mm-hmm.

Good news for any mysterious
pass-through corporations

that have picked up plots of land here.

"Janus LLC", its namesake,
the two-faced Roman god,

always hiding itself in the shadows.

You're saying you
bought land in Millbank.

- One might say that, yes.
- Hmm.

And the rest is you
just, like, playing out

some kingpin real estate fantasy?

I'm having fun.

It's okay to have fun at work, Sadie.

Hey. What do you guys
think? Swipe right?

Mmm, jeesh, she looks a little old.

She's a party girl.

I'd party too if I lived
through prohibition.

I'm doing it. "No match."

- Huh.
- [chuckles]

Phone must be bricked or something.

So how long you been driving for?

- About years.
- Nice.

- Nice, nice. You like it?
- No.

Hmm.

How is this their hospitality suite?

The upholstery is weirdly crunchy.

That was the couch?

I thought you had Skittles
in your pocket or something.

Oh, this is all gonna change.

Pretty soon developers
are gonna come in,

put up luxury hotels.

And you know who profits?

Why, the local landowners. [chuckles]

You wanna hear something funny?
The government of Bolvaria

just submitted their
bid for the factory.

This factory. The one
we're opening here?

A bit late to the party, Bolvaria.

Ugh, that's all of Eastern Europe.

I heard they're just discovering
Kate & Allie over there.

Where is Bolvaria, anyway?

Between Albania and North Macedonia.

Zoom out a little bit for me.

- Next to Montenegro.
- Oh, right.

And then in Bosnia and Herzegovina.

Bosnia, we bombed them in the ' s.

Kicked the [bleep] out
of them, or saved them.

We definitely helped some of them.

In Hungary, Slovakia,

the Czech Republic, Germany.

Oh, yeah, Germany.

I love Germany.

Oh, I mean, obviously
now. Not... you know.

I mean, kind of have to say
that nowadays, though.

These numbers are extremely competitive.

Oh, really? Huh.

That's, um... how is that possible?

Toyota just pulled out of the facility.

They're trying to fill it ASAP.

Well, I mean, I wish that they
could have made this offer

a few months ago. Little late now.

- Right?
- Uh, to move locations

for the factory that's already staffed

where we're cutting the
ribbon in roughly six hours?

Yeah, it is. It's a little
on the late side.

Yeah, this country doesn't
sound that great anyway.

"Semi-autocratic,

impoverished, and riddled
with human rights abuses."

But just to put it out there,

we'd save tens, hundreds
of millions of dollars

- over the production run.
- Wow.

I like how they make the workers
stand in formation, blank faces.

It's a clean look.

See if they're around a teleconference.

I'm just gonna, you know,
thank them and let them know

that it's, you know, not gonna work out.

I think an email rejection is fine.

Well, let's keep it
professional, you know.

I just wanna preserve company relations

with Slovanmiria, uh, Europe.

I have to say you have put together
quite the presentations, Gene.

Unfortunately, we have already gone
down the road here in America.

I wish we could have
come to the table earlier.

But we'd be willing to reimburse you

% of what you have spent there

plus what it would cost to move.

%.

Wow, that's the most percents possible.

Hey, the Bolivarian National Zoo
is advertised as "full service."

What is that? What do
you think that means?

Listen, you've got a compelling pitch.

- I respect that.
- Ask about human rights.

And ask if the zoo has any rules.

But Gene, I have heard some rumors

about some troubling things.

Jailing reporters,
overzealous police forces,

real red flags, and I'm not afraid

to hold your feet to the fire here.

Are there any human rights abuses
that I need to know about?

No.

Well, that's a relief.

All right, well, thank
you for your time.

Anything else on our end, guys?

- What is a full service zoo?
- Wesley wants to know

if he can [bleep] the
elephants at the zoo.

No? Great. Okay, good.

All right, well, thank you so much.

Talk soon.

Interesting, huh?

- Lot of money.
- Yeah, I thought so too.

I mean, we... we are like minded there.

Yeah, I mean, obviously,
we can't do it. But whoo!

Gosh, that is interesting. Yeah.

Have we signed anything here?

- _
- We can't really be considering this.

We're just talking theoretically.

I mean, this is a
theoretical conversation.

Whoa, why'd you lock the door?

I thought we might want some privacy.

We're just having a conversation.

Anyone can participate.
Anyone can listen.

Maybe keep it locked, though. That's...

I'll say it.

We have to move the factory.

We're trying to make a $ , car.

If we relocate, we could put
the money we save on labor

into things like, I don't
know, brakes that work

and engines that don't explode.

- And would not that be nice?
- Right, for sure.

But Millbank is good too.
Lots of opportunities here.

At worst, I'm on the fence, at worst.

But think about the
optics if we pull out.

Ah! "Pull out!"

Come on, she... it's a layup.

The headline will read,

"Payne abandons desperate
American town."

I mean, but what is America really

when you think about it?
You know, is it a place?

Is it... is it confined

- by... by borders?
- Hell yeah, USA!

Okay, hold on, hold on. I was...

wait for me to get where
I was going with...

- I lost it. Sorry.
- This is the kind of thing

that hurts your image.

And morally, what about
the human rights abuses?

Do we really wanna support
that kind of government?

Yes, okay, but if the government
even is doing anything bad...

And Gene was very strong in
convincing that they weren't.

That part is out of our control.

So the citizens over there
can either be oppressed

or be oppressed with jobs that pay well,

by Bolvarian standards.

I mean, that is kind
of hard to argue with.

It really does make sense.

So you're okay just screwing
over all these families?

I'm... I'm sorry, and
maybe I'm out of line,

but you wanted me to be
the voice of the workers.

So that's exactly what I'm being.

I know firsthand how important
these jobs are to these families.

- They're depending on us.
- Very well said, Jack.

Plus, we should keep in
mind the ripple effect

that this would have on people

who have invested in the local economy.

Yeah, everyone's keeping that in mind.

- Cool. Good.
- I get that this is personal for you.

But tell me, is an
American's life worth more

than a foreigner's life to you?

- No, that's...
- That's a tough look, man.

No matter what we do,
certain people will benefit

and certain people will get hurt.

I'd say it's zero sum

except for one option
benefits the company

which if you think about it, it's
kind of the point of our jobs.

Wow. Big change of plans for Millbank

and its community leaders
and business owners.

Okay.

So we do have to put out
a statement at some point.

Do we just say it was
a financial decision?

Ugh, isn't there a
better way to frame it?

I mean, we're just gonna sound
like some heartless corporation

that only cares about the bottom line.

[chuckles] Now why
would they think that?

Sorry.

I'm not happy about it either.

I mean, I was just getting
used to being the hero.

Now, everybody here
is gonna hate my guts.

Everyone loves you, ma'am.

Oh, thank you so much, sir!

We are having a private meeting
back here though, so...

Shouldn't a business van come

- with some sort of divider wall?
- Yeah.

You know what? Get that idea
down, Cyrus. That's good.

You want me to write down "wall?"

- "Divider wall."
- Got it.

I'm just not sure how else to frame it.

I mean, now that everyone's
jobs are going away,

they'll have more time for hobbies?

It'll be better for the environment.

If you saw all the hoops
we had to jump through

to open the factory in the first place.

Groundwater surveys,
carbon capture certs.

It's a miracle they haven't
backed out already.

Wait, what do you mean by backed out?

They can ask us to leave?

Yeah, I mean, yeah, if they wanted.

We had to persuade them

we'd be "good environmental partners."

Oh, well, let's un-persuade them.

Let it get out that we might
not be as eco-friendly

as we said, you know.

I mean, that way we're not
leaving them, they're leaving us.

So basically, you want us to be the girl

who's so chicken [bleep]
breaking up with her boyfriend

that would just rather act
toxic and make him dump us?

Exactly, that is a great
way of putting it.

Thank you so much, Sadie.

All right, people, let's get toxic!

Oh, yeah, that's a little
on the nose, Wesley,

- but great idea.
- What?

I didn't get any of that.
I'm listening to Maron.

He's in one of his moods.

Katherine Hastings, Tom Harper.

Welcome to the great state of Iowa.

Governor Harper, what a pleasure.

It is a beautiful state.

Well, you know, there's an
old legend that the word Iowa

comes from the Native
word for "beautiful."

Well, that is apt.
That is very, very apt

because it is a beautiful,
pristine piece of land.

I mean, you should see some of the areas

around our other factories.

Oh, yowsa.

[chuckles]

Unload it all. Get whatever you can get.

If we take a loss, then
it's your commission.

Actually, hold on.

Anyone here have an interest
in buying a strip mall?

Forget it. Yep, dump it all.

Jeannette Watts from "The Gazette?"

- Yes.
- Sadie Ryan from Payne.

- We spoke on the phone.
- Oh, yes, hi.

- Nice to meet you in person.
- Yeah. Doing a big pie exposé, huh?

Oh, Millbank's a small town.

This could be a six-part series.

Well, I have something that I
think you might be interested in.

This is on deep background,
but there's a rumor

that our water contaminant numbers

might be a bit fudged.

- No.
- Mm-hmm.

No one can know that I am
the one that told you that.

Got it.

Well, don't worry I won't say anything.

Thank you.

You mean you won't write
that I was the source.

I won't write anything at all.

My lips are sealed.

Hi. Are you Wesley Payne?

The one and only.

I just wanna say we're all so
grateful that you're coming here.

It has been a rough few years
and it means everything.

Look, you are pretty,

but just gonna be honest,
I'm not a huge fan of freckles.

So I'm gonna do a lap and see
what other talent's out there,

but maybe I'll circle back around.

- Cool?
- O... okay.

It's not a no just...

you're on the waitlist, young lady.

Not too young. Not...

Hey.

Hey, Jack. You having a good time?

Uh, not really.

I just keep feeling like
some type of evil overlord

or something who doesn't
care about the commoners.

Mm. I'm thinking about buying a castle.

Bolvarian real estate
prices are gonna surge

when we announce this move.

So if you're interested, get in now.

Yeah, I don't think I'm
a castle type of a guy.

Jack, every Black man
is a castle type of guy.

Maybe one for your mom?

So listen,

anything you need at any
time, just call, okay?

- All right.
- Help cleaning up red tape,

dealing with regulators,
whatever you need.

I appreciate that.

Because as you know, there
were quite a few concerns

with the environmental
impact of our factory.

Yeah, well, that's the
"green beans" for ya.

You know, I'm telling you,

they would trade , well-paying jobs

if it disturbs the beauty sleep

of, you know, some subspecies of snail.

Although, some of their
concerns are totally crazy,

the smog and with the chemicals
we use in our paint,

there have been cancer clusters.

Hey, hey. No, no, I didn't hear that.

No, no, see, I don't know
what I don't know.

Yeah, but I'm just telling you.

Nothing! Nothing. You're...
you're not telling me anything.

Because see, we're just... we're friends

and we're chatting about
the weather, right?

Yes. It is... it's beautiful weather.

Although it won't be for long.

You know with the carbon dioxide...

♪ She'll be coming around the
mountain when she comes ♪

BOTH: ♪ She'll be coming around
the mountain when she comes ♪

Sorry, just to be clear,
you can report that story

just don't say that it came from me.

Oh, that's okay.

I wouldn't want you to get
in trouble if it got out.

- You seem nice.
- Mm-hmm.

But what I'm telling you could be huge,

like Watergate huge.

I know. Thank you for trusting me.

My lips are sealed.

- No, no.
- Oh, my God.

This is supposed to be a blind bake.

Susan's name is on the tin.

And based on an old legend,

the word Iowa comes from the
Native word for "beautiful."

And I cannot think of
anything more beautiful

than , new jobs!

Any luck?

Let's just say the local press

isn't exactly Woodward and Bernstein.

I told a few families that
the runoff from the factory

could lead to smaller
penis sizes for newborns.

They didn't care.

What is wrong with this town?

Environment's been
politicized, you know.

This is something only coastal
elites care about now.

"Liberal cucks," you know?

Or maybe they're just desperate.

Hey, when you've been
out of work for a year,

hole in the ozone does
not seem that important.

Whatever happened to that hole?

We just stopped talking about it.

You know, it's true.
We might as well be threatening

to take away their "New
Yorker" subscriptions.

I mean, we need to focus on
what these people care about.

It's not their kids' penises,
I'll tell you that.

- Yo.
- [gasps]

It's cool, it's me.

So no guarantees, but I did a loop

and I think it's looking good for you.

What's looking good?

[chuckles] Right.

"What's looking good?"

I like it. I like that. You're trouble.

You know, if you wore
a wide brimmed hat,

it might help with the freckles.

I don't know, see a derm. Okay.

- Excuse me. Pardon me.
- Katherine Hastings!

[cheers and applause]

Oh, gosh, you know, it's funny,

Millbank is surrounded by cornfields,

but I'm the one feeling buttered up.

[laughter]

Are you enjoying that?

The situation will not be helped
by me not eating corn.

This factory will bring jobs...

[cheers and applause]

But something else too, change.

We all love change, right?

Boba shops and cannabis dispensaries

and ethnic small plate restaurants.

"Tapas," we call 'em.

- [cheers and applause]
- Tapas!

[cheers and applause]

Okay.

Plus, new... new types of people,

of all races and faiths.

Hindus, Sikhs, Muslims.

There could be a mosque
on every street corner

right here in Millbank.

[cheers and applause]

What is this? Berkeley?

A well-paying job can get you
real progressive real fast.

And yes, of course there
will be homeless people,

and with them, methadone
clinics and needle exchanges

and pop-up abortion sites.

But I say if you don't want
that in your backyard,

you don't want Payne in your front yard.

[cheers and applause]

And also Antifa.

When I think of all the
inspectors I bribed

over the years to look the
other way about something,

none of it mattered.

They wouldn't have kicked
us out no matter what.

It was just a waste of money.

Honestly, it's gross.
Where's their xenophobia?

Their fear of anything different?

All they care about is their jobs.

They're hypocrites.

If you think about it, being a hypocrite

is the worst thing you can be.

You have to think about it hard though.

It's definitely not intuitive.

How are we gonna handle
the ribbon cutting?

We should just skip it and go home.

Wait, so we're gonna
ghost the entire town?

Yeah, I mean, we could spit in
their food and they wouldn't care.

I mean, we need to cut and run.

Sir, could you take us
to the airfield, please?

Sure thing. Are you saying
you're not gonna make cars here?

I'm sorry, but could you not eavesdrop?

It's not entirely your fault.
There's no divider wall here,

but take some personal responsibility.

Can't believe we had to leave early.

- I'm so on with this cute chick.
- Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I mean, there was
definitely a freckle issue,

but with some heavy foundation,
it would have been fine.

You know, I was drowning in P.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Hey, you okay?

Just sucks, you know?

All their jobs are going away
and we're sitting here

on a private jet having cocktails.

Yeah, I know.

I grew up in a town like this

and my dad just went from
one factory job to the next.

Oh, did you think you're the
only one without a trust fund?

This is the job. Like, it's private
jets and hard decisions.

You just gotta suck it up

and deal with the guilt
in your own time.

You can do that?

Uh, : till : , I am a robot.

After : , I am dangerously unstable.

A depressing shell of a human.

Hey, guys, can someone put on the news?

Yeah.

These shocking images from the
small European nation of Bolvaria,

where a coup in progress

has already been called
"A Thousand Bloody Nights."

Well, that's not great for us.

Captain Stevens, turn
the plane around, please.

You can meet up with that girl.

Ah, better not. I'm actually
pretty numb down there,

so it takes me forever to do it.

Jack, you must be happy, right?

Staying in Millbank. You got a win.

Yeah, I guess all's well that ends well.

Oh, look, they're executing

their country's intelligentsia
in the streets.

Oh, there's Gene.

There are too many people to thank

for making today possible.

You know, it's funny,

Millbank is surrounded by cornfields,

but I'm the one feeling buttered up.

Mm, tough crowd.

Yep, I think our van
driver might've leaked

that we almost abandoned the town.

Just sell the castle!

Get whatever you can get for it.

What do you mean it's
been "nationalized?"

Is there any truth to the rumors

that you were in talks with Bolvaria

and had planned to pull out of Millbank?

[laughs]

"Pull out?"

Come on. I can't be the
only one hearing this stuff.

Uh, no, I don't know where
those rumors came from.

And obviously our hearts go out

to the good people of Bolvaria.

The insurgents or the dictatorship?

Uh, the... the good people,
you know, on both sides.

I mean, you know, we just hope
that they find common ground

once the butchering is completed...

the alleged butchering on,
you know, both sides of...

- I think let's get to the...
- Yeah. Yah!

- [imitates g*n cocking]
- Do that now.

Great, here we go. [laughs]

Whoo!

- Thank you.
- You're welcome, Millbank.

[munching noises]

- Don't do that anymore.
- PAC-MAN?