01x04 - Headspace

[bunniefuu]

(wind blowing softly)

(groovy music)

♪ ♪

Hello?

(inhales) See, that's--that's
what I'm--that right there.

That's what I'm talking about
right there.

Like, I gotta work.

I can't be sitting up here
all day waiting for you.

I gotta work.
No. Uh-uh. I gotta work.

- Yeah.
- Well, I guess

you don't wanna
see your son, then.

- Oh, my God!
- Whatever. Bye.

Come on, D.
He ain't coming.

Is your son dressing

a little too sexy?

Is your auntie too big
to work the twerk?

Have you been
physically assaulted

or nearly blinded
by your nephew?

Is your thot-dressing
grandmother

in desperate need
of a makeover?

Is your father a hype-beast
panhandler?

Is your baby mama
low-key wildin'?

If so, call The Mauris Show
to tell your story.

(idling techno music)

♪ ♪

(digital musical sting)

(phone jingles)

Hello.
You've reached the offices

of The Mauris Show.

Hello. This is Tanya Jackson.

I'm calling to audition
for The Mauris Show

because my baby daddy is
high-key tripping,

like, all the time.

(inhales sharply) Ooh.

Unfortunately,

we're not doing any baby daddy
episode this week.

But if you got a child
that you'd like to exploit,

uh, for financial gain,

because he has some sort
of behavioral issue...

- I don't know. I don't know.
- Yes, yes.

Behavioral issues?

Oof. My son got 'em. Yes.

Telling teachers
to suck his balls.

All type of little crazy.
I be like, "Wait."

(distorted) Mom.
Hey, Mom. Look what I drew.

Well, hey, hey, listen.
Hey, whatever floats your boat.

(hissing) Don't you see
I'm on the phone?

Whatever turns you on
and gets you off.

(grunting strangely)

We're gonna fly you out
for an audition.

- Thanks.
- (digital musical sting)

(upbeat electronic music)

(quietly) Damn it.

(keyboard keys clacking)

Unbelievable.

(keys continues clacking)

(exhales)

- This is bullshit. How could--
- Okay. What is it, Pete?

Sorry. I didn't mean
to distract you.

- Mm-mm.
- Just...

looking at this latest request
from Brianna.

Mm-hmm.

What--what does it say?

We have to build data caching
for offline browsing?

- Damn it.
- I know.

This is unbelievable.

Thank you for saying that.

(sighs) How are we supposed
to get this done by Tuesday?

There's no way to get it
done by Tuesday.

This is
a minimum-viable product.

We have email after email
after email in there

- saying that what they need--
- Hey, Pete?

- What?
- We just have to stay focused.

(funky music)

♪ ♪

I have a root beer,

iced tea,

and a Diet Coke
with lemon for you.

How'd you know I like lemon?

- Just a hunch.
- (funky guitar riff)

I'll be right back
to take your orders.

Uh-oh. Somebody's in love.

- What are you talking about?
- Yeah, dude.

It's written
all over your face.

Too bad you can't
do anything about it.

Oh, sure he can.

No. You can't ask a woman out
when she's at work.

That's sexual harassment.

- No. Jerome isn't her boss.
- Doesn't matter.

- She's at work.
- If that's the definition,

uh, I'd rather be a sexual
harasser than die alone.

Wow.

Okay.

You cannot
say things like that.

- Why? I'm a romantic.
- Oh--no.

You're something,
but that's not it.

(intriguing music)

(conversation continues
indistinctly)

♪ ♪

(phone rings)

Hello? Oh, sorry. Hi.

- Um... (clears throat)
- Dude, come on.

Hi. Welcome to Sally's.
How may I help you?

Uh, I'm so sorry.

I'll be with you
in just a moment.

Hi. Yes.
Uh, what was that?

- Ridiculous.
- Right.

Uh, well, you just take the G
to Metropolitan stop

- and walk down--
- Come on!

Yes. I'll be with you
in just a moment, sir.

Thank you very much.
Actually, I'm so sorry.

Could you--do you mind just
Googling it?

Is that okay? I'm so sorry.

I am so sorry.
I am so sorry.

My sincere apologies, everyone.

- Are you kidding me?
- (phone rings)

Hold on, please.

- Hello? Hi. Yeah.
- Get off the phone!

Can I call you back
in just about,

like, maybe five minutes?

Is that o--ow!

(distorted, tense music)

♪ ♪

Oh, Jerome. No.
What have you done?

The smartest, bravest thing
he's ever done.

Look. She's right over there.

And she's never been
further away.

You said he couldn't
hit on his waitress.

Well, she isn't
his waitress anymore.

He spends a little time here,

ingratiates himself,
one thing leads to another...

No. That's not how it works.

She's more off-limits
than ever.

- She's your coworker now.
- Uh, you're a host.

She outranks you,

which means you couldn't
possibly harass her.

Only she can harass you.

Let's not get caught up
in technicalities, here.

If you proceed with this plan,
the only possible outcome

is disaster, plain and simple.

So the right thing to do
is to walk away

and hang up the phone.

(whispering) Stay.

Now, Jerome.

(whirring sound)

Listen.
Um, you know what?

It's been great getting

to know you
these past two hours,

but--uh, yeah, I don't think
I'm cut out for this job.

What? No.

Come on.
You'll get the hang of it.

You know, uh,

I don't think it's a really
good idea for me to stay.

- So...
- Of course it is.

Don't--don't worry about them.

As soon as they get a hunk
of meat in front of them,

they'll forget
all about the wait.

- I know, but--
- Please.

Jerome, we need you.

I need you.

(distorted, tense music)

(imitates train whistle)
All aboard! Train to Boneville.

Population:
your d*ck and her pu--

Spare us, Dan. Please.

Did you hear her?
"I need you."

She needs his hunk of meat
in front of her.

No, she needs him to stay
and man his station.

Otherwise, she has
twice the work to do.

So we agree.
He keeps the job.

No. Jerome, that's not
what I'm saying.

Okay. Snap out of it.
Let's keep this moving.

Uh...

Please, Jerome?

Come on.
I'll make it up to you.

(upbeat electronic music)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

You always make me feel
so good about my impulses.

I just want you
to feel comfortable...

trying things out.

I kinda con--

I considered doing
one of those, like--

like, an online romance.

- I made a whole profile.
- Romance website.

Yeah. But then
I didn't make it public.

So no one can see me.
But I'm on there.

Okay. Wow.
That's huge.

So if your account is private,

who do you think's gonna be
able to see it?

Maybe, one of, like, the
administrators of the website.

Maybe they have access to it.

So you'd be interested
in dating

one of the website
administrators.

- Yeah, I mean--yeah.
- Interesting.

- I think that would...
- Um...

- Who is this person to you?
- (orange squirts)

He's young,

and I imagine that, every day,
he goes and he looks

and sees if there's
any private profiles.

And every day, he's like,
"Nope.

Everyone's looking
for other people."

And then one day, he comes in,

and he says, "Oh, look.
A private profile."

And he sees the picture of me
standing in the woods.

And then he sends me,

like, an email.

And it's a really good email

'cause he's so literate
in computers.

So it has a GIF
or something in it.

♪ ♪

(upbeat electronic music)

♪ ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ Oh, no ♪
- Ow!

♪ ♪

♪ Oh, no! ♪

♪ ♪

Hey, Jerome.

Hey.

- How's it going?
- Hey, Barbara.

Looks like you're
getting the hang of it.

Oh, yeah.
It's going well.

A couple of us are gonna go
get drinks at Montero's.

You should come.

When? Now?

Soon as we finish up.

Uh, you have something.

What?

Like ketchup or something.

Oh. Gee, that's embarrassing.

- It's--no. Here, let me.
- What?

(romantic synth music)

♪ ♪

You have a really nice smile.

(distorted, tense music)

Are you f*cking kidding me?

I rest my case.

Make your move now,

or Brad over there is gonna
b*at you to the punch.

♪ ♪

I must admit, it did seem
like she was flirting.

You hear that?
Don't be crazy.

Listen to the voices
in your head, Jerome.

We both think
this is your moment.

Okay. Hold on a second.
I...

- (stammers) Okay, I don't--
- (mimicking stammer)

What I'm trying to say is,
I don't know, okay?

Isn't there a woman
that you could ask?

I think you should go for it.

Who are you?

Uh, Marta?

Or Marie, I think?

I was at Dan's birthday party.
I told him about my app idea.

Oh. Huh.

Anyway, I say go for it.

Step right up
and plant one on her, bucko.

- You can do that?
- Beats me, man.

I'm just a figment
of his panicked imagination.

He's never had a real
conversation with me,

so he has no idea

what I actually think
about anything.

- Wow. This is it.
- Thank you for projecting

- this train wreck into--
- Are you--

Hey, b*tches.
It's me, Marie.

(all talking at once)

A nice, long...

(all talking at once)

...all of you!

♪ ♪

Sorry. What?

I said you have a nice smile.

What's wrong?

"Wrong"?

Oh, no.

Noth--nothing's wrong.
No, uh--well, you know what?

You know what is wrong?
Um...

these candles.

I mean, like, are these--
are these even real?

- I--how did they get that--
- (chuckles)

I mean, it looks so real.
Look. (stammers)

- Touch it.
- Yeah.

- They're--they're cool.
- Right?

It's amazing.

I'll see you later.

(machine whirring)

(distorted, tense music)

Is your entire party here?

We can seat you immediately.

How big is your party?

If it's too big,

we might have to reboot
and clear a cache.

This booth
has a responsive layout

and a powerful back end.

- Jerome?
- Corner booth!

- Uh, what?
- Huh.

What? Nothing.
Hi. What's up?

It's your code.

What about it?

It's insane.

Oh, yeah? Tight. Thanks.

No.

Like bad...insane.

You know how we always used to
make fun of those hacker movies

when the camera zooms in

and it's all
complete gibberish?

Yeah.

This is worse than that.

I was up half the night
trying to fix it.

The client demo is tomorrow!

No.

No, the client demo is Tuesday.

Today is Monday.

Today is last Friday!

I don't know
what's going on with you,

but you have to
fix this by tomorrow,

or we are both f*cked.

f*cked!

I know what I have to do.

Because I just told you
what you have to do.

(building jazzy music)

♪ Jerome ♪

I know what I have to do.

I know what I have to do!

♪ ♪

Let me get a...let me get
a motherfuckin', uh--

let me get a...

triple double...

fries...

uh...

Can I get extra
fry back on the side, though?

So you want fry back on
the burger and on the side?

(laughs) Damn near both.

I didn't even know you could
do that for real.

Your total is $ . .

I'm Lil Demerit,
I'm years old,

I'm a rapper,
and I cuss on all my songs.

You can't control me.

(echoing) I'm off the chain!

I take the plastic
off my granny's couch

and sit down with my shoes on.

I got jumped into a g*ng

'cause I'm crying out for help
and seeking affection!

When my teachers say,
"Sit down, be silent,

and stay and read,"
I say, "Shut up, (...),"

and I start jigging on my desk.

I ride dirt bikes.
(echoing) Nyah-nyah!

(distorted) Stop filming there.

Fa--real--like,
real fantastic work.

Uh, now what I need you to do

is keep that same energy,

only this time,

I want you to be a bit more...

- (audio glitches)
- Uh...

ghetto?

You know?
Just put some flavor on it.

Uh...
get--get gangsta--

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Oh. Okay.
- With all due respect,

Mr. Producer, I'ma need you
to suck my balls

and cut the cameras back on.

I got something to say!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- Oh, cool.
- Yeah.

- That's awesome.
- Yeah.

So, like, what do you do?

Um, I work
in advertising.

- Oh, cool.
- Yeah, yeah.

I really like it.

Have I, like,
seen any of your work

out in the real world?

Um...

oh, there's this commercial
out right now

that's on TV
that's kind of like--

I don't have cable.

Oh. Yeah, I mean...

me neither.

It's--what--what do you do?

- Oh, uh, I'm in advertising.
- Oh, cool!

- How is that?
- Yeah. It's cool.

You, uh--you get to be creative

and, uh, collaborate
and stuff like that.

Oh, that's so fun.

Yeah, it's fun.

Like a title raise,

not like a pay raise,
um, yet.

But I--I'll get that to you.
Just not, like, right now.

- That's amazing.
- Yeah.

It sounds...

but it's not.

Because basically,
you're just everyone's bitch.

- (dance music playing loudly)
- What do you do?

- What?
- What do you do?

- What? What?
- What do you do?

Oh. What?

But, like,
I don't love what I do either.

I just do it, you know?

But it--it's not who I am.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- You know?

I mean, that's not who I am,
though.

But we do it...

all day.

So...

Yeah, but, like...

uh, I mean...

(faint dance music)

Yeah.

♪ ♪

I wish I could just...

I wish I knew
what I was meant...

(whispering) To do.

I'm kind of freaking out.

(music builds)

♪ ♪

Are you freaking?

(brakes squeaking quietly)

(motor rumbling softly)

- (chill synth music)
- ♪ You were smiling ♪

♪ Cheek to ear ♪

♪ A distorted mess ♪

♪ With love in your heart ♪

♪ I'm so proud
that we're here ♪

♪ And you brought me ♪

♪ A glass of precious wine ♪

♪ You kept sealed ♪

♪ In the bank of your mind ♪

♪ I just hope
we don't crash ♪

♪ ♪

(piano chords)

♪ I stopped abusing myself ♪

♪ Around you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I started using myself ♪

♪ Around you ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I stopped abusing myself ♪

♪ Around you ♪

♪ I stopped abusing myself ♪

♪ Around you ♪

(saxophone solo)

♪ ♪

♪ I stopped abusing myself ♪

♪ Around you ♪

♪ I started using myself ♪

♪ Around you ♪

♪ I stopped abusing myself ♪

♪ Around you ♪

♪ I started ♪

♪ Using myself around you ♪

♪ ♪

(music distorts and quiets)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

I think I'd make
a great drag queen.

Like, for real.

But the one time I tried it,

I looked so much like my mom,

it scared me.

And I was sexy as hell.

Impure thoughts about my mama.

Tree Secrets.

♪ ♪

Lord, have mercy.
Look at this--

Delroy, look at this boy, here.

Nyah-nyah-nyah!

He needs to tell his mom
to get him some new pants--

them pants is too damn small.

Look at them pants!
Look at them pants, Delroy.

You see them.
Th--them too small.

Whipping and running,
talking 'bout, "Nyah-nyah."

What is that? What is that?
That some new--

that's some new stuff
that y'all's kids is doing.

Man, shut your old ass up.

Bro, Lil D raw as hell.
Hell you talking 'bout?

- Shut my what?
- Thank f*cking God.

Are we done with this yet?

Mom, how was that?

Was that good?

Can I be
My Heart in the Rap Game?

You did real good, baby.

My baby about to be a star.

- Love you, Mommy.
- (digital musical sting)

(idling digital music)

♪ ♪

You might recognize
our next guest

from his appearance on shows

like My Heart in the Rap Game

and his hit singles,
"Whippin' Without a License"

and "Nyah-Nyah."

Please join me
in welcoming back

Demetrius Jackson,

AKA Lil Demerit!

- (cheers and applause)
- (air horn sound effect plays)

How you doing, Lil D?

The people wanna know:

How's fame treating you?

Frankly,

the exploitative nature
of this show catapulted me

into the superficial
and fickle world of celebrity,

wherein I've simply become
a parody of myself.

However,

I did receive
the love and affection

that I so desperately sought
from my loved ones.

Thus, I keep
indulging the antics

that overshadow
my creative pursuits,

bankrolling these
transactional relationships

between me and my loved ones

and beefing with n*gg*s
on IG Live

until I fade into obscurity.

(audience murmuring
indistinctly)

Uh...

Suck my balls?

Nyah-nyah?

- (cheers and applause)
- (air horn sound effect)

♪ I wanna know ♪

(funky music)

(door bangs open)

What's going on?

You're not
on the schedule today.

I know.

I just came here
to tell you I--I...

I can't do this anymore.

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

This crazy dance, Barbara!

Me, you;
will they, won't they?

I'm very confused.

These charged interactions.

The smiles across the floor?

The wiping of barbecue sauce
off one's lips?

It's too much
for one man to bear.

Whoa, dude. You are reading
way too much into this.

But I will tell you this:

when you started working here,

I wasn't exactly subtle about
the fact that I was into you.

And you seemed disinterested,
so I laid off.

It's not a big deal.

No, no.
I wasn't disinterested.

I wasn't disinterested.
I was--I was very interested.

I just didn't know
the right way to respond!

Yeah, I get that.

Well, this is great.
I mean--

okay, so this means
you like me.

So you wanna give this
a sh*t, or...

Oh, Jerome.

(chuckling) No. I can't.

What? Why?

'Cause I just got
promoted to manager.

- When?
- Yesterday.

Oh. Congratulations, Barbara.

- Thanks. Yeah.
- Yeah.

Brad got fired.

Apparently,
he was sending d*ck pics

to some of the waitstaff.

Anyway, after all that,
it's not really appropriate

for my first act as manager

to get involved
with one of the hosts.

Okay. Okay. Okay.
What if I quit my job?

Don't quit.
I mean, that's--

Okay, what if I told you

that I have
much higher-paying job

as an app developer, yeah?

And--and I--
I only took this job

to get close to you.

And you're an app developer?

I've been moonlighting.

I--I--I haven't slept in weeks.

I--I have been living
a double life,

and I've been doing it all
for you, Barbara.

All of it has been for you.

I don't have to have this job.

I mean,
you could have your job,

I could have my job, and we can
build a life together--

a good life,
a corner-booth life.

I'll make
all the right choices.

I'll choose the right things
to order on the menu.

I'll choose all the appliances
for our wedding registry.

I'll do everything,

and all you have to do
is love me.

(romantic synth music)

There's something wrong
with you.

(distorted, tense music)

There's something seriously,
seriously wrong with you.

Whoa, wait. No.
Wh--wh--you don't und--

No. Stop. You have to go.

You're fired,

and I don't think you should
eat here anymore either.

(door bangs shut)

(downtrodden music)

♪ ♪

(indistinct singing)

♪ ♪

- (clear music)
- ♪ Yes ♪