06x04 - Dyck's Slip Out

[bunniefuu]

Can I have a stick of gum?
Yeah, you wanna stick?

Yeah, I'll have a stick,
if you got a stick.

Stick of gum.
I'll maybe take a second stick.

More than one stick?
Was drinkin' from the hose.

It's a wee bit rusty
down the line.

That sounds like
a two‐stick fire to me.

Dary?
Yeah?

Say "about."

About.
Okay.

You gots a sticks of gum?
Yeah, you wanna stick?

If you gots a sticks,
I'd takes a stick.

Stick of gum.
You got more than one stick?

Yeah, you want more than
one stick of gum?

I drank some OJ's
after brushin' my teeth.

So, I'm breathin' fires.

Yup, sounds like you need
more than one stick.

Dan? Say "about."

Abouts.
'Kay.

Hey, you want a stick of gum?

I know you've got
a stick of gum.

Yeah, I got a stick.
Give me a stick.

Stick of gum.

I'll take another one
for later too.

More than
one stick of gum?

Yeah, I had some Gus & Bru
in my coffee this morning.

Yeah? You'll need more
than one stick.

Katy?
Yeah?

Say...

"About."

About.
'Kay.

Why do you keep asking us
to say that, good buddy?

Well...

A GI Jehovah come up
the laneway the other day.

And he said it like,

"a‐boat."

"A‐boat?"

Yes, like if you're out
on the water, you're in...

A boat.

I ain't never heard no one
says it like, "a‐boats."

That's a weird way
to say, "about."

Well, to be fair...

♪ To be fair
♪ To be fair

♪ To be fair
♪ To be fair

To be fair, Yanks think we got
a weird way of saying "about."

Yeah, what's that's
all abouts?

Well, they say it
like, "abowt."

"Abowt?"

Yeah, and they make fun
of us for saying, "about."

No, I'm pretty sure

Yanks make fun of us
for sayin' "a‐boot."

Who says "a‐boot?"

Ask a f*ckin' Yank.

A boot.

Abowt.

A‐boot. And now...

A‐boat.

Well, what did
the GI have to say?

Well...

It's about heart,
it's about passion,

it's about discipline.

It's about not having
Christmas, isn't it?

It's about so much more
than you think it's about.

So what did you do?

Waste his time
a wee bit,

as you do.

Well, then why don't you
tell me what it's about?

It's about Jesus,

being God's
only direct creation.

It's about
not drinkin', isn't it?

It's about not watching
"R" rated movies, as well.

Well, it's for sure
about not dancing.

Pretty sure someone

told me one time
that's what it's about.

For sure. It's about

not listening to music
containing immoral lyrics.

What's your
f*ckin' name?

Bob.
Bob, tell me,

what's good about it?

Yeah, but what did he
have to say?

You wanna know what? Phone rang
and went inside to get it,

kinda forgot he was out there,
so must have skedaddled.

No!

And I'd be more
than happy to continue

telling you what being a
Jehovah's Witness is all about.

How about I leave you
behind some literature?

What's your
f*ckin' name again?

Bob.

Get the f*ck
outta here, Bob.

Okay.

Hey! What'd you get into?

He could use
a stick of gum.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, Mennonites.

Menno‐nappers.

WAYNE: f*ck, can they run,
those Nappers.

That looks like
Noah Dyck.

WAYNE: And Anita Dyck.

Wayne.
Mr. Dyck.

Dyck with a "Y," yes.
Daryl.

Mrs. Dyck.

Wayne, feel free
to call me Noah Dyck.

And, Daryl, please continue
to call me Mrs. Dyck.

Brings ya up the laneway?

Wayne, your family's always been
very good to our community

and we appreciate it, once.

You've used us right
and hopefully you feel

as though we've used
you right, too.

Without question.

We appreciate it, once.

Which is why I know
I can count on your discretion.

Especially in a matter
as sensitive as this one.

Can confirm.

Okay.

This is not easy to say,

nor is it by any means
an accusation...

Where are our daughters?
Anita Dyck. Now.

Please.

Our daughter, Charity.
Charity Dyck?

And her sister Chastity...

Chastity Dyck?

Are on their
gap year, once...

Isn't that called
Rumspringa?

Men are talking, Daryl.

Anita Dyck and I are concerned

that our little Dycks
have been bitten,

by the good time bug.

And while Dycks have been known
to slip out on occasion,

our fear

is that our Dycks have

been out longer than
we're comfortable with, once.

Have you seen
our Dycks?

About yea tall, once.

Strong nose,
like their father,

strong‐willed,
like their mother.

I did see them
at the bush party, actually.

Dycks at a bush party,
you say?

I knew it.
Shameful.

Haven't seen them
since though, truth be told.

Katy, you seen
a Dyck or two?

That's a loaded question,
big brother.

Hello, Katy.

Noah. Anita.

Katherine.

Lovely day.

What brings
you guys by?

We heard out daughters
were here and...

Charity and...

We'll take all the
Charity Dyck you've got.

All the Chastity Dyck,
too.

We want Charity
and Chastity home

before they get swayed into
a life of bad decisions, once.

They are free to decide whether

the English world is for them.
That is their right.

But our Dycks belong
in the hands of

the Mennonite community.

And we would like to gently

suggest to them that they
return home with us

before they've
been too exposed.

Well, the last I saw them,
they were with hockey players.

(GASPS)

I offered to give them
a ride home but,

they said that
they wanted to walk.

We Dycks can be hard‐headed.

Hockey players have
quite the reputation

for sticking their noses,

and other things,
where they don't belong.

Can confirm.

Oh, dear.
My goodness.

Good heavens.
Heaven only knows.

Well, the good news is,

there's only a couple of places
hockey players tend to hang out.

Yeah, the gym or the barn.

The barn?
Oh, dear.

My goodness.
Good heavens.

Heaven only knows.
The hayloft.

Intertwined
in breathy clusters.

Look, I should clarify.

The barn, as in the hockey rink.

Yeah, you're looking for two

puck heads
drivin' a Tonka truck.

That's Reilly and Jonesy.

And Noah, please go ahead

and let us know if there's
anything else we can do to help.

Wayne, our entire community
thanks you for your kindness

as you've shown us here
this day, once.

Well,

it looks like
a couple of Dycks.

Oh, hello there, Daniel.

Haven't seen you
in the age of a dog.

Well,

until soon.

g*dd*mn Schmellies.

Whoa.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR STEREO)

And a good day
to ye both.

I'm Noah Dyck,
with a "Y."

And this is my wife.
Anita Dyck.

Ah, that's Jonesy.

That's Reilly.

Hello.

Sorry to bother you,
but we were wondering if...

Where are our daughters?
Yes.

Dunno.
Ditto.

Sorry for the confusion.
It's just that Wayne

seemed to think you might
have seen our Dycks.

Oh, those Dycks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Charity and, um...

The other one.
Chastity.

Yeah. Yeah, it's all
coming back to me now.

We, we, we met them.

But we didn't, like,
meet them.

No, definitely
never met them.

Well, have you
seen them?

Not, like, seen them,
if that's what you mean.

We're definitely
not seeing your Dycks.

You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?

No.

But I do know this. If I find
out you're lying to me,

the wrath of an angry Dyck
will leave a lasting mark. Once.

Well, maybe check
the Dollar Store.

They may be dancing
with the skids or something.

Thank you so much
for your time.

Praise be to God.
Praise be to Him.

Praise be to you.
Praise be.

Well, blessed is the fruit.

May the Lord open.

ANITA: Must be
a new translation.

What the f*ck was that?

You almost blew it!

Charity!
(LAUGHING)

You know, you guys
have been around like, a lot.

The Dycks love
the English world.

Yeah, but I mean,

the Mennonite world has
its perks, too, I'm sure.

Just put a little English
on a Dyck.

And we'll put a little
Mennonite on a penis.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Dan, why do you hate
Mennonites so much?

They're nice people,
good workers.

They're great workers.

Good runners, too.
f*ck, can they run.

They drive a hard bargain
on the business side.

Yeah, can be
a wee bit sheisty.

Oh, they run like the wind.
Every one of them can run.

Tight with money.
Great workers.

They'll show you a thing
or two about good work.

They'll b*at you in a race, boy.
f*ck, can they run.

Just because I respects them
don't means I can't hates them.

I'm gonna need a minute

with that. That was like
a quadruple negative.

Well, how can you hate 'em?
They're harmless.

That's what they
wants you to think.

But deep down they're judgier

than Judge Reinhold
and Judge Judy

watching Judge Dredds.

Oh, is that
what they are?

I was fifteens
at the time.

Is that what you were?

It was the Letterkenny
Days picnic,

hottest day in July.

I believe yous were away
at a balls tournament.

The Jeff Davies Memorial.

Jeff Davies
was fast too.

Not as fast as a Napper, though.
f*ck, can they run.

Anyhoo, it was
the tater sack race.

I always hated them.

Burlap burns.

First prize was an ice‐cold
glass of lemonades.

We lined up at the start line
and looked across to

the finish line and
there she was.

A little Schmellie, holdin' up
the prize lemonades,

almost like a mirage.

That's my favorite
all‐time chocolate bar.

We locked eyes and smiled.

Despite her broad shoulders,
she was cute as a bug's horn.

Good runner, too, no doubt.

I was in first place coming down
to the finish line,

like the wind.

So I guess you
could say you had it

in the bag?

Hey‐o!
Hey‐o!

I did.

When out of nowhere, this...

Schmellie in a sack...

No, I told you
they were fast.

I'm the one who's been saying

this entire time how fast
they are. f*ck, can they run.

He comes tearing up
from behinds me,

knocks me over,

ass over teakettles.

Wasn't he disqualified?

No.

Well, Schmellies are sheisty.

Yeah,
he should have been DQ'd

like a chocolate‐dipped cone.

So who was he?

Who's to say?

It all happened so fast.

I've never seens that
Schmellie before or since.

Alls I know is I watched him

hop across the finish line
upside down

and claim my prize.

Why was he upside down?

He wasn't.

I was.

I ates it.

Never got to the lemonade.

Never got to chats with her.

I never even
seens her again.

But I'll never forgets her.

And guess who she was?

ALL: Who?

Lovina Dyck.

ALL: Lovina Dyck?

That's right,
Lovina Dyck.

Younger sister
of one Noah Dyck!

Yeah, I know who that is.
f*ck, she can run, boy.

So you had a crush
on a Schmellie?

I did.

And I had my hearts
broken that day.

And ever since then

I have never trusted
a Menno‐napper.

So, Lovina Dyck is the one
who got away for Squirrelly Dan.

(CHUCKLES)

What if Dan ended up
with a Schmellie?

And a Schmellie Dyck even?

Let's try and find a way

to never say Schmellie
and Dyck in the same sentence.

I do often wonders

what's ever happeneds to her.

f*ck, can they run.

(RAVE MUSIC PLAYING)

(MAN BARKING)

(MEOWS)

NOAH: Whoa.

Hello unto ye.

I am Noah Dyck

and this is my wife,
Anita Dyck.

How do you spell that?

Why, with a "Y,"
of course.

Sure you guys
aren't dykes?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

We are hoping you can
help us find our daughters.

How many do you have?

Two.
Oh.

A pair of Dycks.
Stewart! (LAUGHS)

Your Dycks are not
our responsibility.

Stewart!

Maybe we have done
awful things to them

and they're sleeping it off
in our tenement right now.

But they'll dance again.

Dance is a vertical expression
of a horizontal intention.

And I will urge you to never
let your intentions be known

in the presence of mine
wife ever again, once.

Why?

I bet she's...

Menno‐tight.

Care to explore each other

while the Menno‐night
is still young?

Anita Dyck!

Watch what you say, please,
with your pink mouth, once.

STEWART: Ow!

On the day
of judgement,

He will gather
all nations,

separate the sheep
from the right

and goats on the left.

Which are you,
sheep or goat?

(VOICE GAGGING)

Sheep or goat?

Goat!

Goat?
Where are my daughters?

(HORSE WHINNIES)
Names?

Uh, Charity Dyck.

(SNORTS)

Bless you.
And Chastity Dyck.

I've not seen
a Charity Dyck.

I've no use
for a Chastity Dyck.

Good. Yous are
pure sinful.

You Dycks appear firm.

In your beliefs.

(GIGGLES) Stewart!

Ow!

Ask Glen! He knows everything
that goes on in Letterkenny!

Get gone, goats!

(WHIMPERS)

(HISSES)

(BLEATS)

Why, it's a good thing you
stepped in when you did, once.

I was on the verge
of getting rather cross.

Boys.
Boys.

Grab a rake, tidy that gravel
you've upset.

We need a favor, boys.
A big one, boys.

What's the matter?

Are your Robert Munsch
book reports overdue?

Thomas' Snowsuit
or Moira's Birthday?

Angela's Airplanes
or Stephanie's Ponytails?

Paperbag Princess
was the best.

Oh, I liked 50 Below Zero.

What? Pigs was the best.

Oh, no, David's Father.

We don't have Robert Munsch
book reports overdue.

But if I had to pick
my favorite,

it'd be Mortimer.

I'd pick
The Boy In The Drawer,

but only 'cause somebody

probably already picked
Love You Forever.

Or my personal favorite...

I Have to Go!

No! This is serious, boys.

We had to call off our

takedown tourney
with Ronsey and Daxie.

We got Dycks all over us.

Tragic.

Those Schmellies
are shwarming us, boys.

Can we hide out here?
Why?

Katy, I'll put this gently.
All they want to do is bang.

They're Bangelina Jolie.

We feel like characters
in a Bang Lee movie.

They need
Banger Management.

And now you want
to hit the Menno‐pause button?

They need more junk
than a heroin addict.

All they want to do
is make pound cake.

We're runnin' out
of frosting, boys.

What's the matter, boys,

not enough wood
to make the furniture?

Boys, the Mennonite has come
to the end of the road?

They're Olympic‐level
pole‐vaulters, buddy.

Ruthless on
the uneven bar, bro.

They're the renegades
of spunk.

Say jam, sucka.

And now you're too tired

to go all Menno‐night long,
Lionel Bitchy?

Bonnet blisters
on your birds?

Tappin' out from tappin'.

Bush league.

BOTH: Oh, there is bush...

League?

b*at it.

BOTH: Katy!

Fine. Go up to my room.

BOTH: Thanks, Katy‐Kat.

Wait. You've said that before
and it was to go bang.

And like we said, we definitely
have bang‐overs. But if you...

Go.

So, you wanna do...

You wanna, like,
do some sex or...

Or...

Go!

They just parked the Jeep
in the driveway.

That is a new level
of not smart.

Should we move it?
Nah.

How are they ever gonna learn

if we don't let 'em
crash and burn?

Do yous guys thinks that
all Mennonites have a hankerings

for frequent
intimate relations?

I'm gonna go ahead
and give you the answer

I can only assume
you're hoping for, Dan.

Big time.

They are good workers.

WAYNE: Fast runners, too.
f*ck, can they run!

Hello?
GLEN: Hello.

Hello?
Hello?

Hi, y'all.

Sorry to interrupt
your worship.

Ah, don't be silly, Noah.

I was just praying to Jesus's
Mother, so the more the Mary‐er.

What is the mat for?

Oh, that's just me
gettin' in a little exercise

while I commune
with the Lord.

I call it Yo‐God.

Pretty sure it's
gonna be a thing.

Now, I'm always excited
to see a Dyck,

but two Dycks at once?

My cup runneth over.

To what do I owe the pleasure
of getting double‐Dycked?

I, Noah Dyck,

am looking
for my daughters.

They're on their
gap year, once,

and we are fearful

that the
hedonistic lifestyle

has captured
their imaginations.

Ugh, preach.
I know all about it.

You do?
Well, of course I do.

My parents were both in
missionary positions in Africa.

So, on my gap year,

I ran away and joined an

all‐male period revue
about dolphin poaching,

called Master and Baiter.

Yelp reviews included,
"It's fin‐tastic,"

and, "A performance
with porpoise."

Honest to pod?

(LAUGHING)
Noah!

Honest to cod.

(ALL LAUGHING)

One meanie on Yelp,
however, wrote,

"Will this every dol‐finish?"

But I didn't care because
a buddy of mine and I

made a blowhole we were
both super proud of.

Have you seen
our Dycks or not?

Anita Dyck, full stop.

I have not.

However, here's a thought.

Go to the farm
and ask Wayne,

because I know
if I was a teenage girl,

and I'm 80% sure
that I am not,

that's exactly where I would go
to get my gap filled.

(CARRIAGE APPROACHING)

NOAH: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Here I stand...

Dyckless.

Is that the Jeep

that belongs to those
two sleeveless ne'er do wells?

Um...
Noah, Anita.

As you mentioned
previously,

we've always been honest
with each other.

God rewards honesty, once.

God is the way,
the truth and the life.

Those two nut sacs
are in the house.

Wayne!
Katy!

If anyone in town
was missing a kid or a cat,

Nappers'd be the first ones
knockin' offering help.

It's only right
we pay that forward.

Do unto others as you would
have them do unto.

A golden.

Wayne's right.

Might as well come out, boys.
The jig is up.

God help you both!
Anita Dyck. Anita Dyck.

Dycks, please!

Now we've all done things

in our younger years
that we later regrets.

What didn't k*ll us,
perhaps it made us stronger.

If it was a bad time,

maybe it led
to a good story.

Sometimes even both.

But these young fellas
was just being young fellas.

You can't faults 'em
for that.

Just like your young gals
was just being young gals.

Curious. Experimentals.

Super bendy.

Gumby bendy.

That's enough of...
Anita Dyck. Anita.

Tongues are like
Aces, boys,

you gotta know
when to hold 'em.

My point is there's also

things we regrets in life
that we didn't do.

This is one time in my life
I don't need a sermon, Daniel.

Anita Dyck, let's listen
with our heart on our sleeve.

For examples, I regrets
not telling your sister...

She's Lovina Dyck.

Yes, no, I know.
I know who your sister is.

And I regrets not telling

your sister, Lovinas Dycks,
that I was sweet on her

all them years ago.

I let my foolish pride
gets in my way.

Well, Dan, I had no idea.

Although, it makes
perfect sense.

She's a wonderful woman.

With a heart as big
as her shoulders are broad.

But I'm confused, once.

What does this have to do
with our tiny Dycks?

Well, I'm quite sure that your
daughters are gonna regret

exchanging bodily fluids
with these young fellas less

than I regrets not letting

Lovina Dycks knows
I was sweets on her.

Wanna know what, Squirrelly D?
I'm really rooting for you here.

But you can go ahead

and summit Mount What's
Your Point any time now.

So, you likes to drive
a hard bargain.

Yeah, Nappers are
a wee bit sheisty.

Here's mine.

If you lets this go,

I'll bring your gals to ya.

I seen 'em ups town
not too long ago.

But once
I bring 'em to ya,

you've gots to brings mes
to Lovinas Dycks,

so we can have a long
overdues conversation.

And maybe then all of us
can gets some closures.