08x07 - Day Beers Day

[bunniefuu]

Well, you seen some pretty
outrageous things in your life,

but nothin' more outrageous than
what you seen the other day.

‐Favorite superhero, go.
‐Hmm, Superman.

‐Wonder Woman.
‐Batman.

‐Deadpool.
‐Why Batman?

‐He's quiet.
‐Ah, mysterious.

No mystique, big mistake.

Tell them that.

- Nuh‐nuh!
- Nuh‐nuh!

Pete and repeat. W5.

‐Just finished a runski.
‐Little jogski.

‐Little sprintski.
‐A little trotski.

‐Good film.
‐You don't wanna see this?

I smell body spray,
so I know it can't be good.

Alexander.

Confucius say a man who stand
on toilet is high on pot.

What do you think
about these two?

They're not gonna get
any chicks dressing like gays.

What if they are gay?

Then they're definitely
not gonna get any chicks now.

Your junk looks like it wants
to shake my hand.

You stuffed a winter glove
down there?

Looks like a Ziploc baggie
full of carrot sticks to me.

Small price to pay

for the scientific competitive
edge, boys. Compression tights.

We're over here decreasing
wind resistance by 2%,

you're sitting
over there like suckers.

You're decreasing your manhood
by a significantly...

- ..larger percentage.
- Larger percentage.

A significantly larger
percentage, yeah.

All right, let me get to the
bottom of this... Holy f*ck!

Give me one good reason why you
wanna go running in tights

with your junk
bouncin' about.

Give me one good reason
why we shouldn't.

Want two?
‐Even better.

Women and children.

‐Tights are for girls.
‐Compression tights.

They hold your muscles
firmly in place

while improving
blood flow to the muscles.

So, Lululemon comes along.

Revolutionizes
the female ass game.

Dudes say they love it because
they secretly want to wear it?

These are nothing
like Lululemons.

They're exactly
like Lululemons.

Okay, yeah, but they're
not Lululemons.

If it looks like a duck
and quacks like a duck...

‐They're not!

What if they are?

Then they're definitely not
gonna get any chicks now.

They're for increased athletic
performance, boys.

But we can see
your junk, boys.

That's actually not
from the tights.

Uh, we're also wearing this new
kind of underwear called Bagz.

They're coming' land,
sea and air.

Army, Navy, Air Force, baby.

Separates your dink
from your balls.

- And your balls from your leg.
- To avoid chafing.

‐ Dudes chafe?
- No.

Try running
in compression tights, bud.

No!

How do they separate
your balls from your leg?

You put on your gitch, right?

Just like any other day.
Nothing out of the ordinary.

But with Bagz,
when you pull 'em up,

you drop your balls
into a hammock‐like pouch.

Yeah, you just set 'em in there,
like...

And you just drop your balls
in the pouch right there.

Yeah, you just station them in
there, like...

But that makes your junk
stick out even more?

You tell me, Katy‐Kat.

All right, so you wanna...

You throw on some tights.

Compression tights.

Junk's out there.
Women and children.

Increased athletic performance.

And then you put on
some special underwear

with a pouch for your balls...

Just set them in there.

Yeah, just drop your balls
in the little pouch right there.

That make your junk

‐stick out more.
‐Oh, that's it, boys.

That's the dagger.

Oh, God.

No mystique,
big mistake.

*LETTERKENNY*
Season 08 Episode 07

*LETTERKENNY*
Episode Title: "Day Beers Day"

You're early.

If you're not 10 minutes
early, you're late.

‐Very cool. Very nice.
‐f*ck you.

‐Pardon?
‐Not you. Guy behind you just

‐farmer‐spit on the carpet.
‐Unusual business as usual.

I hear you're taking
your little cousin

to Quebec
for his 18th birthday.

‐That okay?
‐Just making conversation.

Why Quebec?

Well, he's turning 18.

The legal drinking age
in Quebec is 18,

so, do the math.

‐f*ck off!
‐What's that?

Not you. Girl behind you
just crop‐dusted.

Very gnarly. Very gnarly,
very unnecessary.

Unusual business,
as usual.

Anything else calling
your name in Quebec?

Poutine? Smoked meat?

‐Nope.
‐Best strippers in Canada.

Okay, is that to me
or someone behind me?

- Cousin.
‐Cousin.

Dierks.

‐ How are ya now?
- Good, and you?

Fine. I am f*ckin' dying
for a piece of you.

Oh, hi, big daddy.

I am just
dying to get you.

Katy.

Movie starts in five,
big sh**t.

Pitter‐Patter.

Everybody in your town likes me
except for you, cute butt.

Chew on that. Zoot.

‐I don't like that dude.
‐I don't like that dude.

I don't like that dude.

Well, ain't no reason
to get excited.

I know you're just
doing that

‐to bug me.
‐What's that?

‐Stop doing that.
‐Stop doing what?

‐You didn't even read that page.
‐Which page?

‐ Stop that!
‐Sorry?

You're missing your book.

I've read this book
several times, so...

Not missing much.

Must be a pretty
good book.

Oh, it's a great
book, it's...

The Black Donnellys.

‐I like how those pants fit.
‐It's a good pant.

Good pants?

Why, is there more
than one pant?

It's a pair of pants.

Oh, the gal at the store
called it a pant.

Well, that's a gal who should
know they're called pants.

One time
she called it a jean.

Bet she liked
how that jean fit too.

‐Katy thought she was a lesbian.
‐Hmm.

She still trying
to get in your pant?

Okay, maybe it is pants.

‐Tough go, eh?
‐Yep.

Getting any easier?

Yep.

We going?

Well, I got chorin'
to do first, so...

I got two strong hands.
I can help.

Well, more hands
make less work.

Prove it.

Oh, what, so after that,
we go over there together?

Don't thr*aten me
with a good time.

So, what would
you say if like...

We started going, like,

most places together.

I'd say, Pitter‐Patter.

‐Good enough.
‐But let's get at 'er.

Big day in Letterkenny.

Yep. It's...

‐Day beers day!
‐Day beers!

‐Day beers!
‐Day beers!

‐Day beers!
‐Day beers!

‐Day beers!
‐Nose beers!

Stewart!

Happy day beers day,
tout le monde!

Already got a pint
of gin in the cocksucker.

I think you've had more like
a fish bowl of gin there.

More like a salad bowls of gins.

More like a waste paper
bak‐set full of gin.

Attaboy.

One of these days, we'll just
fill up the bathtub with gin.

‐Skip the middle man!
‐Uh‐oh. McMurray's hammered.

I know what that means.

‐I'm out.
‐Where's you goings?

Dierks took his cousin
to Quebec

for his 18th birthday,
and they just got back,

so I'm headed stateside to help
them with their hangovers.

That's something that
girlfriends do, right?

I really wouldn't know.

‐Caesars?
‐You bet.

Why Quebec?

Best strippers on earth
in Quebec.

The legal drinking
age is 18.

‐Plus you can touch 'em!
‐Touch what?

The tits.

You can suck on 'em
nine of 10 titty bars too.

Okay, I'll bite.
Have you ever done that?

Have we ever done?

Okay, boys.
Picture this.

I want you
to picture this.

Mrs. McMurray and I
are getting a couples lapper.

So I got both hands
on one tit!

‐And I'm suckin' on it.
‐I want you to picture this.

I said, "This is something."

I said, "Baby,
what do you think of this?"

I said I've never seen
anything like it, baby.

And before I know it, she's got
two hands on the other tit.

And she's sucking on it.

I said, "What do you
think of this, baby?"

I said,
"I won't soon forget it."

Yeah, that's my cue.

Gailer! Pitcher of Beefeater!

Drive safe,
Miss Katy.

Nuh‐nuh!

Where's
she going?

‐Why?
‐Morning, lovely!

I was gonna
take a run at her.

I was gonna take
a big run at her.

Youse twos are the worst.

I was gonna
g*n it, buddy.

Sometimes you just
gotta g*n it, boys.

f*ckin' g*n it, buddy.

g*n it straight
across the room.

Ah, you guys are out of luck.
Katy's got a new dude.

- Huh?
- Who?

A guy named Dierks.
From Michigan.

‐A Yank?
‐I f*ckin' hate Yanks.

- Oh, Bonnie McMurray.
- Oh, Bonnie McMurray.

‐ Beers?
- Day beers!

Take a run
at her, boys.

Take a big run at her.

You are so beneath her
at this point, peasants.

I would love
to be. Ha!

And Katy wouldn't even
f*ck you with my d*ck.

I wouldn't
want her to anyway.

Well, don't knock it
till you've tried it.

I never do.

Did you guys hear
Katy's dating a Yank?

You gonna move
your bum?

Move your bum.

You don't want
me to go?

Okay.

All right. Go and get
so I can get it.

Get!

‐Mmm, day beers!
‐Day beers!

‐Day beers!
‐Day beers!

‐Nose beers!
‐Stewart!

What do you got
against Yanks, Reilly?

‐I f*ckin' hate Yanks.
‐Yeah, we've established that.

Yank teams would come up
from Michigan and Ohio

to play in our tournaments
growing up,

and they were stacked.
They sh*t kicked us.

You guys are usually
losing though, no?

This is
different, though.

A team from Detroit would have
a D‐man from New York,

a tendy from Boston,
and a sn*per from Minnesota.

They'd all fly in
thrice a week for practice,

then they'd come up
and sh*t kick us.

Religious fellas?

‐What?
‐It sounds like they gots some monies.

Wasn't fair.

It was their best players
in their country

versus the best players
in our county.

I also hate Yanks!

Whys do youse hate Yanks?

Yanks were the first to steal
and catalogue your online data.

Every website
you've ever been to,

every subject
you've ever searched,

every p*rn
you ever watched...

Every text
you've ever sent.

Yanks know it and have it
and, one day, will leak it.

- Hence our venture into the...
- Dark web.

Where'd you read that?

Www.heresthething
.edu/aresparepartsbud.

Did you know that
Yank is kind of not PC now?

Mmm, it's true.

A player in the Ontario
Hockey League got suspended

for calling a European
player a Euro.

Youse can get suspended
for callings

a guys from Europes a Euro?

Happened a couple times.

What Yank came up
with that f*cking rule?

I got nothin'
against Yanks.

If Canada was in trouble,
they'd be the first ones

to come
up and help us get sorted.

‐Good neighbors.
‐Good film.

‐Don't like Dierks though.
‐Pourquoi?

‐'Cause Wayne doesn't.
‐I'm with you.

Don't be a fence sitter.

Yeah, gotta come out
for it one way or another.

Yeah, that Yank
better behave himself,

'cause if Katy is in trouble,

I'll f*cking
speed‐bag him, boys.

I'd go to the wall
for that girl.

I'd go through a wall
for that girl.

‐Full send.
‐Yep.

That's small towns
in a snow globes for yas.

‐Boy howdy.
‐Yeah.

We might bicker
with each other on the inside,

but if someone from the outside
comes a knockin'...

You didn't have to drive all
the way here to tell me that.

‐But I did.
‐Yeah, well.

Can't win 'em all.

It's not the only
reason I'm here.

‐Oh, way...
‐Is Katy here?

- No.
- they'd be the first ones

xDick Dierks?

My cousins had his bachelor
party a couple of days ago.

It was in a strip club
in Montreal,

‐and I went with the boys.
‐Good.

There was a Yank
buying everybody drinks.

And our table
eventually joined his table.

And all his friends were saying
how hot his girlfriend was,

and one of them
pulled a picture on his phone.

It was Katy.

Ain't no reason
to get excited.

They came in with
a bunch of girls.

And left with
a bunch of girls.

He doing anything
he shouldn't be?

It's been a tough go, eh?

Yep.

Getting any easier?

Yep.

Hearing you fellas
talk about Yanks,

reminds me of my last
boys trip down McMyrtle Beach.

I ever tell you about
a little girls' trip

down McMayan Riviera?

Next year, she's gonna
be down McMaui.

Next year, she's down
McMontego Bay.

Rooftop, poolside, villas.

‐Well, between us girls?
‐Between us girls?

I paddle up
to the swim‐up bar

and there's an ethnic fella
lookin' some comely.

Pool is jam packed
with ethnicities.

This young fella sees me
looking at him,

and he sees me across the bar,
and he can tell

I'm lookin' for one
right in the twat.

Three guarantees
in life, fellas.

Death, taxes,

and this gal wantin' one
right in the twat.

Next thing I know, he's paddling
around the swim‐up bar,

what do you think I did?

So I paddle on over
to meet her halfway.

I said, "Young man, ya like
the ass, the tits or the c**t?"

This gal knows a c**t man
when she sees one.

And that's
the right answer.

So she reaches
under the water

and starts givin' me
an over‐the‐pants handy.

Molestation in some circles,
but this fella is here for it.

So we head on over
to the poolside villa,

close the curtains
and I says to her,

"How about I stuff it
right in your snacker?"

Then one in the snapper.

So we start going
back and forth.

‐I'm in her...
‐Snapper.

‐Then he's in my...
‐Snacker.

‐Snapper.
‐Snacker.

‐Snapper!
‐Snacker!

Till we're both
making a mess.

We made one hell
of a mess in there.

I hope they had a pressure
washer, that's all I know.

They must have had
a pressure washer or something.

‐Mmm‐hmm.
‐ Mmm‐hmm.

Does Mrs...
‐McMurray know about this?

‐Of course.
‐No secrets between spouses.

You know what
he does sometimes?

He does the cutest
little thing.

I'll go outside the bathroom
door when she's on the shitter.

And I'll hear
something outside

that sounds like
a little golf clap.

But it's me standing
out there in the buck, naked,

shaking my hips
back and forth like so...

So his dink smacks
off his thighs.

He sounds just like
a little golf clap.

Are we
dancing now?

- Yes!
- That's what we are doing.

Alexander!
Turn up the outside speakers!