09x07 - NDN NRG

[bunniefuu]

You and your sweetie
were discussing your town

the other day.

Did you know there's
a township in Pennsylvania

called Letterkenny?

- Hot off the presses.
- You didn't know that.

- Did too.
- Did not.

- Did too.
- You did not.

That's where
Letterkenny Army Depot is.

- Look at you.
- Good word. Letterkenny.

Nice ring to it.
Very functional.

Doesn't get much better-kenny.

What's say we head down
to Gail's for breakfast?

Bit brisk though. Perhaps you
should grab a sweater-kenny.

Breakfast at Gail's
beats letter-Denny's.

I'd buy that for a letter-penny.

Should pinch your letter-pennies

or you'll be in debt-erkenny.

Judging by that fancy
watch you got on maybe

you're the one who should
pinch your letter-pennies.

Hey, don't be fooled
by the watch that I got,

I'm still letter-Jenny
from the block.

Don't need a lecture-kenny.

Cito's got a new sweetie.
An Irish setter-kenny.

Pure bred-erkenny?

As opposed to what,
inbred-erkenny?

f*ck, Stormy's gonna
take a header-kenny.

Hate how much
setter's shedder-kenny.

I ever tell you, you kinda
look like the daughter

of letter-Lenny Kravitz?

I'll buy that for
a letter-penny!

That's what I said-erkenny.

Have you seen my Eddie
Vedder-kenny Live DVD?

What? The singer of
Yellow Ledbetter-Kenny?

It was right next to Dan's
letter-Kenny Loggins CD.

I think he plays a Fender-kenny.

Oh, letter-Kenny gee whiz.

Did you know Dan also
likes Simply Red-erkenny?

And letter-Benny Benassi.

Wait, I did seen it,
underneath another DVD.

Judge Dredd-erkenny.

Will you take this
girl to bed-erkenny?

I don't know.

Letter-can he?

(Theme music playing)

♪

Wayne?

Dary.

Why are you parked
all the way back here?

- What's the problem?
- There's a spot right
over there.

It's really close to the door.

Rock star's parkings
what it's called.

Well, is there something
wrong with the spot
we're in currently?

Well, no. It's just
a longer walk to the door.

Well, which leg did you break?

Well, it's... it's cold.

Sounds like your old man
shoulda kicked your ass

another time or two.

Good buddies?

Good buddy.

To Dary's point, if rock
star's parking's available,

you should always takes
the rock star's parking,

and maybe gets yourselves
a lottery ticket.

Well, okay, Dan.
Dan, okay. What?

So, some drunk nut sack
can stumble out of the bar,

take a header into the truck?
Put a big ding in 'er?

Hm.

And okay, Dary.
Dary, okay. What?

So, a couple of drunk nut sacks
come out of there pushing

and shoving,
bump into it and split?

Yeah.

Yeah. You're right, good buddy.

Well, you're God damn
right I'm right.

You gotta wake up pretty
early in the morning.

To what?

What?

You said I gotta wake up
pretty early in the morning.

Well, then you better wake up
pretty early in the morning.

- To what?
- To...

To... if you wanna fool me.

I don't.

Well, what if you did?

Well, why'd I have to wake up
pretty early in the morning?

You... For if you wanna
sneak one past me, Bud.

What do you mean?

I mean you gotta wake up
pretty early in the morning.

To do what?

To if you want
to outsmart me, bud.

Outsmart you with what?

Well, doesn't matter.
I won't be outsmarted.

Well, I got no interest
in outsmarting you.

You got interest in being smart,

and I'll tell you, you're
cruising for a bruising.

Well, why do I gotta
wake up early in the morning

just to outsmart you?

To... to if you want to b*at
me at what I was gonna do.

Well, what were you gonna do?

Doesn't matter. If you want
a head start on it you gotta

wake up pretty early
in the morning.

Well, I'd wake up extra
early 'cause I don't want to

- skip "brefekst."
- Well, guess what?

I'm serving knuckle
sandwiches for brefekst.

- Good buddies?
- Good buddy.

You mights gets a ding in your
car if you parks up front.

Sure. Sure, that's could happen.

But, you know,
back here's where fellers

comes to takes a piss.

What are you saying,
Squirrely D?

Yeah, you might get piss
on your truck, good buddy.

Oh.

Oh, I think you're right,
good buddy.

Well, one's the lesser
of two evils.

Yeah.

We just have to decides
which ones gets the edge.

Yeah.

Well, it is a wee bit chilly.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is a wee bit chilly.
Good enough.

Hey!

Learn how to f*cking drive!

(All laughing)

♪ You could get crunk
in the club, what? ♪

- Aly-cat.
- Stewart.

- Bianca-donk.
- Stewart.

- I'm...
- Stewart.

Roald!

I'm making a comeback.

We're making a comeback.

(Sighing) Correct.

We're the newest
DJ duo on the scene.

- Got the streets bubbling.
- You're gonna be DJs?

- DJs f*ck.
- Mm.

- Mm-hm.
- Mm.

Mm-hm. So, what are you called?

I'm quite sure you
recall our previous collab.

Nope.

The Hottest Sex Imaginable?

- When.
- Now?

No, no, no! That was
the name of our band.

The Hottest Sex Imaginable?

The Hottest Sex Imaginable.

Might've heard of my lil'
side project Susan Serrated.

- Roald.
- I thought you liked
that name?

- I don't.
- Stewart.

I love it.

So, what are you called now?

Connor. Darien.

2cock Chakur?

- Picture me rolling...
- Hail Mary.

- Until the end of time.
- All eyes on me!

I imagine they'll
just call us 2cock.

- Who's they?
- The streets.

Tanis actually hired us to
play her release party today.

What's she releasing?

♪ You can get
crunk in the club ♪

KATY: Tanis?

Damn. You two look good.

- Scorched Earth season, baby.
- (Slap)

- Yeah.
- Get 'em fired up.

Great timing.

'Skoden.

S'do dis.

- Damn.
- You look good.

Hey, Hemsworth sisters.

NDN NRG?

Not sure that's PC, buddy.

Indian Energy. It's hilarious.

You said it.

All of the kids on the rez
have been obsessed

with BROdude ever since
the senior tournament

so I thought to myself,
"What can I do?"

- Learn how to f*cking drive?
- (All chuckling)

I hate leaving
money on the table.

So, NDN NRG was born.

The kids are
already hoovering it.

Looks a Timbit like
the BROdude logo, Tanis.

Mm, no, it doesn't.

Also, I want to thank you, Gail,
for hosting the launch party.

Got you, girl.

Tanis, it does look a drill
bit like the BROdude logo.

No, I don't see it.

Don't think so?
Not even a mosquito bit?

Nope.

- Tassie.
- Cassie.

- I'm Tassie.
- I'm Cassie.

Wow, boys. You have
really outdone yourselves.

Thanks.

We couldn't find broads to
wheel with in the 100km

radius of Letterkenny that
we hadn't already wheeled,

so then I thought to myself,
"What should we do?"

Learn how to f*cking drive?

(Hicks chuckling)

Go outside of the 100km range.
It's so simple!

And then we remembered
that Tassie and Cassie...

- I'm Tassie.
- I'm Cassie.

We'll get 'er.

Tassie and Cassie gave up
their jobs for us over
at BROdude.

We lost our jobs.

The best jobs we've ever had.

But all's well that
ends well, right, Cassie?

- I'm Tassie.
- I'm Cassie.

We'll get 'er.

(Feedback squealing)

- Figure it out!
- Je suis désolé!

- Gail's system is archaic.
- f*ck you, skid.

Connor! Darien!
Quick! The banner.

2cock Chakur?

They just call us 2cock.

- Who's they?
- The streets.

- Blasphemy.
- Sacrilege.

- We know.
- And agree.

But...

So, why are you
wearing the shirts?

They're up to
10k SoundCloud followers.

And you know what that means.

- No.
- What?

- Learn how to f*cking drive.
- (Hicks chuckling)

BOTH: All aboard that train.

(Both snapping fingers)
Choo-choo-choo.

(Phone buzzing)

(Sighing)

I'm sick of these dudes already.

Should we try to
be NDN NRG girls?

BROdude knock off? (Scoffing)

What if we tell BROdude?

We could get our jobs back.

BOTH:
Should we do it?
We should do it.

Hey!

DAN: Hey!

Shut the f*ck up and listen
to Tanis before

I have to stick my shoes
down your throat

and turn you into a very
fashionable gender-neutral

pair of thigh-high
f*cking boots.

Alright, I got some sh*t to say.

But first, I want to thank
Gail for hosting us.

- Thank you, Gail.
- (Crowd cheering)

Got you, girl.

Now, with the recent
success of the Eagles

on the national
senior hockey stage,

Auntie Tanis got
a little bit of an idea.

- Learn how to f*cking drive?
- (Hicks chuckling)

The team needs
an official sponsor.

Something that
contributes to the brand

of this championship team.

So, with that, I present to you.

(Clapping) Skids!

I know!

- It's 2cock Chakur.
- Roald.

(Drumbeat sounding)

(Native hip hop playing)

♪

(Applauding, cheering)

Yes, and with the early success

of NDN NRG.

Tanis bought the Eagles.

(Cheering)

I did! I bought the Eagles!

WOMAN: What the f*ck is this?

Bye. Move. Basic.

Thanks for the heads up.

Tits look great, but no regrets.

- Tanis?
- 'Sup?

Your logo looks just
a Bits & Bites

like the BROdude logo.

Mmm... no.

It looks more than a horse
bit like the BROdude logo.

I... I don't see it.

Hmm.

Mm, tastes the same too.

They all taste the same.
Get your head outta your ass.

They do not all taste the same.

Okay well then what're
you gonna do about it,
Erin Brockovich?

- Learn how to f*cking drive?
- (Hicks chuckling)

Besides sue
the moccasins off you?

Don't have to sue me to get
them off. What's your sign?

Hm, I'll think of something.

Damn. You two look good.

Let's go.

Il faut qu'on parle.

Anglais, s'il vous plait.

- We need to talk.
- About what?

We'll be back.

Skids!

- I know!
- It's 2cock.

Roald.

I'm not gonna f*cking say that.

Alright, let's
get f*cking hammered!

(Cheering)

♪

- Boys.
- Boys.

- Boys!
- Boys.

Doing well I see.

- Guess what we did.
- What's that?

Started our own
beer league team.

Nice. Beer league checks
all the boxes, boys.

Booze. Boys...

Yeah, I think that's
pretty much it, buddy.

Booze and the boys.
Love beer league, boys.

You're playing us this weekend.

Good. Just don't work too hard.

Yeah, no one likes a beer
league hero, boys. Relax.

Don't worry about it. We phone
it straight the f*ck in.

- Good.
- Relax.

But we got a guy who
can't be turned off.

- No.
- Not...

BOTH: Shoresy.

SHORESY: Give your balls a tug.

- Wait, you know this guy?
- SHORESY: f*ck yeah.

Saw 'em at a Halloween party
dressed as the twins from

The Shining and almost
sh*t 'gurt

through my Dorothy skirt.

(Chuckling)
You were dressed as
Dorothy for Halloween?

SHORESY: You bet. The dress
looked good on me,

but it'll look better on your
mum's bedroom floor,

- you f*cking loser.
- f*ck you, Shoresy.

f*ck you, Jonesy. Your mom
wanted to go with me as Toto

but I said short trip,
you're already a f*cking dog.

- f*ck you, Shoresy.
- SHORESY: f*ck you, Reilly.

Your mom got refused
entry to that party for

coming in blackface.

Glad I came in blackface
before we left her bungalow.

f*ck you, Shoresy!

Were you really
taking down their moms?

- No!
- SHORESY: f*ck you, Reilly.

I'd still be with her,

but she ignored
Lacy and Macy's safe word.

- It's Tassie.
- I'm Cassie.

So, it is true.

No!

f*ck you, Jonesy.
I dumped your mom

and she sent me flowers
like I'm a f*cking broad.

f*ck you, Shoresy.

f*ck you, Reilly. Your mom
said she'd do anything

to get me back so I've got
her running around town

on my Pokémon Go.

f*ck you, Shoresy! We're done.

f*ck you, Jonesy.
How do you think I feel?

I gotta f*ck your mom
one more time

because she's still got my
Game Boy Colour.

- BOTH: f*ck!
- SHORESY: f*cking Pokémons,

gotta catch 'em all,
you piece of sh*t.

♪ She's got sugar
on the inside ♪

♪ Honey so sweet
that money can't buy ♪

♪ She's got sugar
on the inside ♪

You worried about
The Devil Wears Prada?

(Scoffing) No.

Thanks for shaking it out there.

What if she tries to sue you?

Global corporation tries
to take down a First Nations

mom and pop shop?
I'd like to see her try.

Besides, I'm Mohawk.
I'm Bear Clan.

- This logo is ours.
- Careful, Auntie.

Listen, Shark t*nk can come
after us if she wants to,

but you know what
we're gonna do?

DAN: Learn how to f*cking drive?

(Hicks chuckling)

Enjoy the day with
our championship team

and our championship drink.

♪ She's got sugar
on the inside ♪

♪ She's got sugar on
the inside ♪

(Whistling)

Good sound.

(Scoffing) Duh.

What are you called?

2cock Chakur.

That is the stupidest
name I've ever heard.

- Just 2cock.
- The kids will love it.

- They already do.
- So do the ladies.

Let's talk.

(Both laughing)

What? Did you come to sue
the mukluks off me?

I said moccasins, and come on,
global corporation

takes down First Nations
mom and pop shop?

How would that look?

Hm, I like the way you think.

I can't poop
your party that way.

- Lovely. Later.
- But guess what I can do?

- Learn how to f*cking drive?
- (Hicks chuckling)

Hurt you. Much worse.
In other ways.

The Kerry County Eagles First
Nations Senior Hockey Team.

Championship First Nations
senior hockey team.

About that...

Your rez's rules state
that in order to play

for the Native team,
you must be Native.

You sure all your
players are Native?

Listen, it chaps my ass more
than anyone's that everyone

and their f*cking dog
is part Native now,

but read the fuckin
Canadian Indian Act, alright?

Oh, hm. Well.

Reilly, Jones, and Shore.

Are they triplets or something?

(Chuckling)
Yeah, triplets with
all different last names?

f*cking idiot.

Oh, I just ask because

- What? - Huh? - How?

Because the DNA submitted for
all three of them

was the same.

It's like
the shotguns are cocks.

(Both laughing)

The directions said to spit
in a cup and send it in.

So we spit in the cup
like the directions said.

You spit in
separate cups, right?

BOTH: Yes!

It said just spit in
the cup and then send it in!

So, we spit in
the cup and sent it in!

You sent it in?

Who sent it in?

BOTH: Shoresy.

(Sighing)

BOTH: Shoresy!

As official sponsor
of the National Senior

Hockey Championship,
until it is determined

whose DNA was submitted
for all three players,

I must revoke the Kerry County
Eagles championship status.

No.

ALL: No.

BOTH: No!

Good luck building your brand
on the backs of disgraced

former National Senior
Hockey Champions,

the conniving
Kerry County Eagles.

JJ.

That cup belonged to
the Tree River Lakers.

f*cking Tree Rivers.

(Crowd gasping)

Reilly! Jones!

Remember when I said this
hat belonged on the head

of a real athlete?

Not washed up never-have-been
taking a victory lap

through whale sh*t?

BOTH: Yeah.

Well, here's what
that looks like.

Je t'ai dit qu'il fallait
qu'on parle.

Anglais, s'il vous plait.

- I have a new boyfriend.
- Oh?

I wanted you to hear it from me.

'Kay.

Katy, I have a new boyfriend.

Oh?

I wanted you to hear it from me.

'Kay.

(Chuckling)

(Kissing)

Excuse me. Hi, yeah.

Would that be your car that's
parked all snugged up

against the back door
blocking the fire exit?

Learn how to f*cking drive!

Where's Wayne?

(The Stills' "Lola Stars and
Stripes" plays)

♪

♪ We all need to feel secure ♪

♪ We're so middle class ♪

♪ But I'm still
waiting for next week's ♪

♪ Chemical blast ♪

♪