02x05 - Nightmare on Lunch Box Street

[bunniefuu]

Ah, I see you moved my desk
over by the window.

Great. Now if I want to jump out,

I don't have that long walk
across the office

to change my mind.

Yeah, I just thought

for, you know, the time being,

it'd be better if we don't
look at each other,

you know, because of your lying eyes.

I want you to know that
this is k*lling me, all right?

I've been crying for the last 24 hours.

Every time I think about
what I did, I feel sick.

Oh, hey, look, I know
this is hard on you, too.

Can I get you a cup of tea, an aspirin,

maybe somebody to sleep with
behind my back?

Tea sounds nice.

I am not getting you tea!

Look, this is really hard.

I-I just don't know
what I'm supposed to do

to make things better.

You can't, okay?

So, let's just focus on the work.

- Great.
- Okay.

Here. This needs to be rewritten.

Wait. I turned this in last week.

You said it was fine.

Yeah, that was last week.

But now it's lacking honesty, truth,

integrity, morality, loyalty.

All right, I think we have
two options here...

you can either b*at up on me all day

or we can get some work done.

Ooh, I'm an excellent multitasker.

I'll just quit.

Hey, you know what?

I thought I was handling this
pretty well, okay?

This guy... he got cheated on,

threw his wife's prosthetic leg
in the Chicago River.

Sure, but if you read further,

you'll see that he forgave her,

and now they're currently out
shopping for a new leg.

Oh!

Guess what I just saw!

Better not be another baby
dressed as a Chicago dog.

- This was a lot of work.
- Ohh.

There's so much stuff on it,
you can barely taste the baby.

Aww.

No, I was walking past

the Chinese place
that used to be the Lunch Box,

and I saw a "for lease" sign
in the window.

They're going out of business!

Well, I'm happy you're finding joy

in the fact that a nice family's dreams
have been crushed.

Boy, did you need a win.

The point is, the Lunch Box
is for lease.

I mean, those were
the best years of my life.

Would it be crazy to open it up again?

Are you really considering that?

Yeah, I've been searching for something

that's gonna make me happy,

and... bam! I saw the "for lease" sign,

and it hit me.

I've been looking
to the future for answers,

but all my happiness is behind me.

We all thought you knew.

And it came to me

that you've got all this
restaurant experience now,

so you could help me run it.

Seriously?

Yeah. We would get
the whole family involved.

That's what made it
so wonderful to begin with.

We all got together,
and we had one purpose...

to make Roseanne happy.

And now it would be to make me happy.

If it works, I could be my own boss.

That would make things so much easier.

You could bring Little Bev to work.

Oh, my God, we could put her
on the hostess stand

and make her the hostess.

When a baby says
there's a 20-minute wait,

you don't get mad. It's a baby.

They'll be lined up around the block,

everybody waiting to make me happy.

You have enough money
to open a restaurant?

Yeah, I got a chunk put away.

I made a lot as a trucker,

and then there's the money
I got from that settlement

when my boob got stuck
in that elevator door.

Well, we'll do
a deep dive on that later.

Uh, but if I hear you correctly,

you're gonna be putting in all the money

- and taking all the risk.
- I am.

- Well, I'm in!
- Oh! Good!

- Aaaah!
- Whoo!

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

"The Conners" is filmed

in front of a live studio audience.

Hey, you're home early.

You can watch your own kids,

and I can take some me time.

I could read a book,

write a letter to an old friend,

or, better yet, drink beer

and watch that video of
the monkey washing the cat.

I had to get out of the office.

It's really hard to be around Ben now.

Why? What happened?

I slept with David and Ben
at the same time.

All together?

No.

Separately.

Better.

Still not good. What were you thinking?

David wanted to get back together,

and I didn't know who to pick.

And then David dumped me.

Ben found out about David.

Then Ben dumped me, too,
and now Ben hates my guts.

Aw, honey,

of course he hates you.

I-I knew it was wrong to play two guys,

but I just couldn't
find a way out of it.

It's so true what they say...

it's hard out here for a pimp.

Yeah, this is a tough one.

You may not be able to fix this.

Please don't say that.

I love Ben. I have to fix this.

Oh, I'm sure he still loves you.

You don't get over that overnight.

Just try and remind him

of why you guys were so great together.

I mean, we'd rip on each other

until one of us took it too far,

and then we'd have sex.

Hmm.

Your mom and I liked pie.

Hey, you guys.

Mary wanted to show you
her princess costume

before the Halloween parade.

I'm not a princess.

I'm a queen.

Yeah, you are.

Your Majesty.

You know, a bunch of stores
on the block are giving out candy.

You have any Halloween treats?

Uh, we really don't do anything special.

How about if I get you vanilla ice cream

and yell "Boo!"?

I'll take one, too, but no "Boo."

I mean, even if I know it's coming,

I'll scream a little.

That lady is staring at me.

It's 'cause you're so pretty.

I just had to tell you...
she is so adorable.

Thanks. Have a nice day.

It's great, what you're doing.

I mean, if more people adopted,
it'd be a better world.

I'm not adopted. He's my dad.

Well, of course he is, sweetheart.

You're a doll.

Happy Halloween.

I want to go.

Sure you don't wanna wait
for your ice cream?

No.

Sorry. Uh, we gotta go.

Mary.

Becky. This is James.

He's the real-estate agent
I was telling you about.

Nice to meet you.

Hi.

So, James, what you got for us?

Well, I did the research on
the old Lunch Box property...

I don't know if Jackie told you,

but she and I dated
back when I first got

- my real-estate license.
- Oh.

Yeah, this guy right here.

A lot of keys
to a lot of empty properties.

Fun for a while.

You know, it might have been nice

to throw in a dinner every now and then.

Ooh, yeah.

You're right.

Well, why don't I take you to dinner

and we'll catch up on old times?

Well, the thing is, James,

I'm still dealing
with a pretty bad breakup.

I got cheated on.

They say that time heals all,

but they don't say how much time,

you know, in emotional years.

Oh, my God, my baby's in college.

Can we get on with this?

Right.

Well, I was unable to find
the terms of the lease,

so we'll just have to
contact the property owner,

which would be...

Beverly Harris.

No. That's my mom.

No. That's old info.

She used to own the place,
but she sold it a long time ago.

Mm, nope.

As of today, she still owns it.

Say what, now?

If that's true,

she's been collecting
rent checks this whole time

while crying poverty
and living with you.

My God, that's horrible, even for her.

Finally! Somebody else gets it.

When you see me on the news
smiling and covered in blood,

you'll go, "Oh, okay."

Hey, how was the parade?

It was okay.

Hey, Mark, why don't
you and Mary go upstairs

and play for a few minutes
while I talk to your mom?

I haven't vacuumed in a few days,

but sure, I can have company.

She didn't seem all that thrilled.

Something happen?

This woman at Casita Bonita
was staring at her.

She didn't think Mary was my kid.

Ah, that really sucks, Deej.

But you are pretty white,

kinda like Casper the stupid ghost.

Friendly ghost.

Yeah, I know what I said.

You just gotta remind Mary

that it doesn't matter
what other people say.

She's a Conner, and the only
opinions that matter

are the ones in this family

and the ones in her heart.

Wow.

How come I never got
good advice like that?

I just got, "You're a little freak,

so get used to it."

No, that's what you heard.

What we said was, "Don't be surprised

if people think you're a little freak."

It just makes me so mad

when people don't think
I'm part of this family.

They don't stare when my mom's around.

You can't stop people from staring.

When I first noticed people
staring at me for wearing skirts,

I got this big speech from my mom

about how I should
celebrate my differences

and be the bigger person.

Did you do that? Did it help?

Yep. And nope.

It still hurts.

Great.

But what does help
is when I stare back at them

with this big, scary smile.

Really?

Yeah, it makes them all freaked out.

I just stare back
until they have to look away,

like this.

All right.

"Ripped" Van Winkle is calling it.

Halloween is officially over.

After 9:00, it's just
stoned teenagers wearing parkas.

Not a costume.

Uh, I still don't get your costume.

You're just Becky?

No.

I'm Becky before the baby.

I took your advice,

and I have been thinking
about all the things

that made me and Ben so great together.

We both love to verbally spar

and we both like dark humor,

so I just ordered him
a pair of boxing gloves

and a copy of "Fargo."

Cool.

I'm gonna miss Ben.

What?

Here's a rule of thumb
for a meaningful gesture...

you have to get your ass off the couch

in order to do it.

I'm lost here.

I usually have the moral high ground.

The view from down here sucks.

Look, you cheated on him.

It's gonna be hard for him to trust you.

You just have to find a way

to show him that
he is the only man in your life.

So, basically, I have to k*ll David?

I'm not telling you what to do.

But, yeah, something romantic like that.

♪ Ah, do-doo, doo-do-do-doo-do ♪

Aaah!

I didn't expect to see you there!

You almost gave me a heart att*ck!

You can't be att*cked by
something that you don't have.

Well, now I know I'm in the right place.

You lied to me, Mother.

You still own the Lunch Box.

You've been collecting
rent from it for years.

I let you move in here because
you told me you had nothing.

I didn't want to tell you about it

because I wanted to be able

to leave something
for all of you when I go,

especially for you, Little Bev!

But you're never going to die.

You're just going to change form!

Well, we want to leave something

for everybody, too, Grandma,

which is why Jackie and I

want to re-open the Lunch Box.

Oh,

the Conners and their dreams.

If your mother and Jackie
couldn't make it work,

what makes you think you can?

I have a lot of great ideas.

Oh, sweetie,

I know you're doing better right now,

but, really,

you're an alcoholic.

Look, I was trying
to be nice, ya old bat,

but now I am changing my baby's name.

What was Dad's mother's name?

Oh, you wouldn't dare name
your baby after that lunatic.

- Audrey.
- Audrey!

Before you do anything drastic,

you should know that anything
to do with the Lunch Box

is not my decision anyway.

What are you talking about?

My mind isn't as a sharp
as it used to be.

The other day, I forgot
the password to my phone.

I thought it was "phone,"
but it was "password."

At any rate,

I gave power of attorney to Darlene.

She makes all my financial decisions.

- Darlene?!
- You what?!

- What?!
- I'm your daughter.

I'm the one who should be
making all of your decisions!

If I'm afraid to make bad decisions,

why would I want you to make them?

I can't believe Darlene didn't tell me.

All right, that's it. Pack your bags.

Get the hell out of my apartment.

I don't care if you live on the street.

Jackie.

Where on Earth is all this coming from?

Come on. Come on.

Becky, Audrey.

And I'm warning you...

you better not be here when I get back.

I'm never speaking to you again.

Well, someone has got to help me
get my suitcase down!

All right, but after this,

I am never speaking to you again.

Hey. Trick or treat.

If you're not here to work,
I don't need the interruption.

Sorry. I-I had something to show you

that can't wait until tomorrow.

So, actions speak
louder than words, right?

These are my divorce papers,

and I'm gonna sign them
right here in front of you.

Excuse me.

Y-You weren't divorced?

You were still married

the entire time we were together?

I didn't mention that?
I'm sure I mentioned that.

I was planning a future with you.

You don't think
it's important to tell me

that you're still married?

Look, I-I didn't even
see David for nine years.

I didn't think of myself as married.

I was too busy
raising my kids on my own,

working, trying to scratch out a living.

You're really playing
the single-mom card?

It depends. Is it working?

No? Okay. Look.

Here, here, I-I'm signing it.

Uh, this is not a sign of anything.

I really want to do this.

Don't you have one working pen here?

Oh, you're right. It's all my fault.

Look, I-I-I'm trying
to make things right here.

It certainly can't be a bad thing

that I'm getting divorced.

Here.

Okay.

I guess it does say something
that you dumped him

and are now divorcing him.

You know, you're probably gonna enjoy

hearing the most humiliating
part of all of this.

David actually dumped me.

He dumped you?

So... So, you didn't choose me.

You were left with me.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

I-I went to the couples therapist

to break up with him, and then...

You went to a couples therapist?

So, what, you were trying to fix it?

What if I k*ll David
as a romantic gesture?

Hello, Darlene.

May we have a minute of your time?

Um, if this is an intervention,

I don't drink that much,

and my sex addiction seems
to have cleared up on its own.

Uh, ever since you were a kid,

I've considered you to be
the most level-headed

and honest person in the Conner family.

I'm hurt by that.

But, actually, so did I.

Where is this going?

Why didn't you tell me

that Bev gave you her power of attorney?

She told you that?

She swore to me on her life
that she wouldn't.

And you believed her?!

She's a liar!

What has happened to you?

You're hiding an affair,

and now you're hiding this from me?

No. This is different.

I was trying to do the right thing

for an old woman.

Plus, I was a single mom with two kids

trying to scratch out a living.

All right. Never mind.

I-I-I was wrong. I should have told you.

Okay. I'm willing to give you
the benefit of the doubt.

You just sign the Lunch Box over to me,

and then, uh, Becky and I
can re-open the restaurant.

Well, why do you want
to re-open the Lunch Box?

It didn't work the last time.

It's gonna be different this time.

I'm gonna help Jackie run it.

Since I got sober,
my smarts have kicked back in.

Yeah. So, you look exhausted.

Just write me a note saying
you're turning it over to me

and then sign it and date it
and... and then go to bed.

W... I can't do this right now.

I-I have to think about it.

There's nothing to think about.

The Lunch Box belongs to me.

Um, no.

The Lunch Box belongs to all of us,

and I have to think about what's best

for the whole family.

No, I've put up with that horrible woman

my entire life,

attacking me and tearing me down
every chance she got...

"You're not good enough.

What'd you do with your hair?

You walk like a man."

Well, she won't be saying that

when I'm carrying her
cheap casket to the incinerator.

I've earned this, Darlene.

Okay, look,
I-I'm not saying no, all right?

I-I just have a responsibility
to do the right thing,

and I'm not gonna make a decision

while I'm half-asleep
and being pressured.

Don't talk to them, Darlene.

They're insane.

Oh, and I'm moving in.

O-kay.

Uh, not speaking to you,

and until you do what's right,

you're dead to me, Darlene.

I would storm out,
but I live in the basement.

It's just you and me now.

I so hope you're haunting me.

Please be your ghost.

I'm living here now!

What the hell happened?

Jackie is mad at me, so
she put me out on the street.

Then why aren't you out on the street?

Oh, Dan, since you're up,

would you go in the kitchen
and get me a glass of water

for my teeth?

How can you take down
your prey without your teeth?

So, I'm a predator of some sort now?

Not a predator. The Predator.

- Oh?
- From the movie.

Oh, I've never seen that.

We'll have to watch it together.