11x25 - Caution, Easter Bunny Crossing

[bunniefuu]

♪ He stirred but lightly

♪ Father came runnin'
with a two-barreled g*n

♪ b*ll*ts were hummin'
Now I'm on the run

♪ A travelin' man
I like the life of a...

Whoa, whoa.

Peace, brothers.
Love one another.

How'd you know we was brothers?

- I beg pardon, brother?
- How did you know we were brothers?

LeRoy.

Why, we're all brothers in
the eyes of heaven, aren't we?

Oh. Hallelujah. Blessed
by the peacemakers.

I fear you gentlemen might
be under a misapprehension.

I mean you no harm.
I... I come in peace.

Just a poor wayfarin' stranger
travelin' through this vale of tears,

spreadin' the word.

- Praise be.
- You a preacher man?

Uh, pardon, brother?

Are you a preacher man?

Why, it all depends
on your needs, brother.

I can quote you chapter, verse,
phrase and line if it brings you comfort.

Ain't nothin' in there but
dirty shirts and bibles, Red.

You gentlemen are welcome
to one, with my compliments.

A bible, that is.

We're welcome to
everything you got, mister.

Oh, now, wait.

It's comin' up Easter week, my
busiest season. You can't just take my...

Say something appropriate
for an epitaph, mister.

Why would you sh**t
a... a humble peddler?

'Cause we're the Gaskell brothers,
that's why, and you seen our faces.

Gaskell? Gaskell?

Well, I've heard of the
Daltons and the Jameses,

but I don't think I've
ever heard of you.

That's because we're new in the
west and we just begun getting famous.

But you're gonna be
hearing a lot about us.

All right, Red, make him dead.

Now, wait a minute. If you make me
dead, who's gonna make you famous?

Oh.

It's Gaskell with two Ls.

Wish you didn't hit
him so hard, Red.

You dented my new hat.

Whoa.

Benjamin Cartwright.

Mr. Benjamin Cartwright?

- Ma'am.
- I be a miss. Miss Charity Moffet.

- Oh. Yes, miss.
- Call me friend.

I was informed thou dealt in cattle and
I'd be interested in speaking business.

Well, yes, I have
a fair-sized herd.

Now, were you interested
in buying or selling?

Buying.

I pay thee cash
on the barrelhead,

or, if thou prefer, a bank
draft and a reference.

I have a letter from
the Bishop of Boston.

- Well...
- And mine own word.

How much livestock
do you have in mind?

The Lord has been good to me.

I have a generous portion of
land with lots of room for livestock,

the lambs I now have and the
ones I expect in the near future.

You... You keep sheep?

I keep lambs.

Little lost lambs
of the shepherd.

- Children.
- Children?

- You have children?
- 18.

And more welcome.
Heaven willing.

18 children? Well...

Dost thou have any
issue, Friend Cartwright?

Yes, I... I have three sons.

How fortunate thy sons be.

None of my flock has a
father. They're orphans.

I'm sorry.

I run a school and
keep house for them.

Oh. Oh!

Well, I'd be glad to
help you any way I can.

Now, do you want
these steers for market?

I'm afraid we've
misunderstood each other.

I want these steers for milk.

Well...

Hey, Red, hold it.

I told you, we ain't ready
for no bank jobs yet.

No, I mean this
town, it's a mistake.

You said the same
thing about Salt Lake City.

Everett was right. Salt
Lake City was a mistake.

Them Mormons and
their barter system.

There's no money in
robbin' people don't use cash.

Hey, guys, can we keep walkin'?

My feet are fit to k*ll
me when we stand still.

I told you them dude's
shoes was too small for you

when you had all that
trouble wrenchin' them off him.

But it seemed awful wasteful,

him lyin' there with a
brand-new pair of shoes.

And you guys takin' all the good
stuff, his chimin' pocket watch,

his elk's tooth cufflinks,
his solid gold cigar cutter.

What solid gold?

Whoever heard of a bible
salesman havin' anything solid gold?

- Yeah.
- It's only plated.

What about them nice valises?

We given you the dude's
new luggage, didn't we?

That ain't no luggage.
That's his sample cases.

I tell you what, I'll trade
you all the bibles in here

for his elk's tooth cufflinks.

All right, enough yammerin'.

Them bibles are
gonna come in handy.

We can sweet-tongue our
way into anywhere we want

with them good
books under our arms.

No one's gonna recognize
the kindly bible drummers

as the notorious Gaskell brothers
obeying the laws of the scriptures.

How do you figure that?

Don't it say the Lord helps
them who helps themselves?

- Yeah.
- Don't it say that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

We're gonna help
ourselves to Virginia City.

Oh, I wanna tell you, Charley, she
had the prettiest ankles you ever did see.

So I went over to her and I said, "How
would you like to do the Virginia reel?"

She said, "Well, I'm new in these
parts, and you'll have to show me how."

So I took her out
there on the floor

and everybody moved
back to give us a little room.

I spun her round so hard,

her shoes and her tortoiseshell
comb flew up in the hayloft.

Joe, if you could spin a
rope like you can spin a story,

you'd be the champion
calf-tier of the universe.

Is that so? You wait and see
who's got the prettiest filly on his arm

at the dance Saturday night.

I don't know whether I'll have
time to take a look-see or not.

Wells Fargo's waitin'
for their wagon.

Puttin' these heavy-duty wheels
on is gonna eat into my social hours.

What's the big hurry?
Can't it wait till Monday?

To hear them tell it, they got
two silver stampin' mills in Carson

that are just gonna be standin'
there until the shipment rolls.

Those big dogs ought to keep the
wagon from saggin' and draggin'.

Haven't seen a rig like this

since they shipped all that
bank bullion up to Sacramento.

Yeah.

Oh, howdy.

Peace, brothers. Peace.
Let's all love one another.

Good morning. Anything
we can do to help you?

Yeah, save your souls. It's
all there in the good book.

From the original sin to...

- A little hot for you, brother?
- Nope.

Just don't take me too long
to examine a horseshoe.

Hallelujah. Amen.

- Hallelujah, brother.
- Amen!

Oh, it smarts.

Of course it smarts, stupid!

When I said see what you can pick
up at the horse barn, I didn't mean...

Don't you know the difference
between a hot horseshoe and a cold one?

- I do now.
- You do now.

- But I did use my head.
- How?

I picked up the horseshoe
with my left hand.

- With your left hand?
- My g*n hand is quick as ever.

- If you let me use a g*n.
- When you're ready. When you're ready.

This mornin' was no total loss.

I picked something else up at the
stable that seemed very interesting.

What, LeRoy? What?

The blacksmith was putting
extra-heavy-duty wheels

on a Wells Fargo wagon.

And he said that the silver stampin'
mills was waitin' for the shipment.

Now, ain't silver pretty
heavy in big chunks?

Yeah.

Yeah.

300 head of prime beef

for the Central Pacific
railroad crews at Point Summit,

Colonel Boudin commanding.

Check.

250 pack horses for the
13th Cavalry at Ford Folsom,

Captain Ryder commanding.

Check.

And one head of gentle milk
for the Schuyler Vineyards,

Miss Moffet commanding.

Check.

One head of gentle mil...

Did I say one
head of gentle milk?

Yes, you sure did.

I wrote that order up
myself. Miss Charity Moffet.

At the old Viscaya Winery, you
know, on the old trail to Carson.

That old place has been deserted

ever since they built the new
road through the mountains.

Yeah, but this Miss
Moffet, she's a spinster lady,

Quaker from down east, she
turned the place into a home.

- Ah.
- For her children.

- Spinster lady with children?
- Mm-hm. 18 of 'em.

Of practically every age and
race and color in God's rainbow.

Orphans, Hoss. Orphans.

Oh.

Miss Moffet runs a kind
of church school for 'em.

Oh, I see. That would account for...
One head of gentle milk would be a...

A nice gentle milk
cow with a kind face.

Oh, no charge. Let's call it a
contribution to Miss Charity.

Yeah. Very good.

Ain't no use moonin', Sarah.
I'm gonna miss you too.

It ain't like we'll never
see each other again.

I'll bet you two old girls will
get along like a hand in a glove.

I'll find thee.

Ah! Almost caught thee.

Oh, my...

Whoever thou art,
thou hast a kind face.

- Howdy, ma'am.
- Thou wouldst be...?

Hoss Cartwright, ma'am.

I'm deliverin' one
head of milk cow

to your mother or teacher
or whatever you call her.

Who?

The nice old Quaker lady that's
kind of in charge of this herd.

- Miss Charity Moffet?
- Yeah.

- You?
- The old Quaker lady.

- Thank thee for the nice.
- Yeah. You sure don't look it, ma'am.

I mean old, not nice.
I mean not not nice.

This here's Sarah.

Children, this be Sarah,
and good friend Hoss.

- Let us give thanks.
- Thank you.

All right, children, show
Sarah to her quarters.

Old Sarah's a good
old cow, ma'am.

She'll give you what she's got as
long as you handle her properly.

- The Lord will provide, Friend Hoss.
- Yes'm.

He'll find it a heap
easier to provide

as long as whoever
milks her sits on her left.

Ah.

If you ever need a man around
here, ma'am, just give me a holler.

Thank you, Friend Hoss.

Oh, there is one little thing.

If you wouldn't mind
stepping into the house for me.

Yes'm.

It is a small
request, Friend Hoss,

one that will not cost thee
money nor take unduly of thy time.

Ma'am, I'll be happy to help.

Our regular custodian, Friend
Jonathan, has illness in his family

and has had to return to Boston.

I expect he will be
absented for some spell.

Most certainly he will not
be here this Easter morning.

Easter. Well, I'm sorry
to hear that, ma'am.

Wouldst thou be available?

Oh, of course, ma'am. I'd be
happy to take you to church.

You and the whole
kit and caboodle.

We observe Easter right here.

I was hoping that thou couldst carry
on in the capacity of Friend Jonathan.

Yeah, well, what exactly is
the capacity of Friend Jonathan?

He helped me to sustain the
traditional beliefs of the children.

Starting last year.

Well, I wouldn't wanna
disrupt an old tradition like that.

I'll be happy to
help out, ma'am.

Oh, Friend Hoss, thou
art a gift from heaven.

I shall count on thy
service, then, at sunrise?

Service?

Ma'am, I ain't... I ain't never
been much of a religious fanatic.

I... I don't even know my
New Testament from my Old.

But I... I reckon I could
read something on it.

- Sunrise, you say?
- Just before dawn.

- Yeah.
- About 4:55.

Dressed
traditionally, of course.

Traditionally?

Was this Friend Jonathan,

was he a Catholic, a Baptist,
or a Christian, or what?

- A rabbit.
- Oh, a rabbit.

A rabbit?

Friend Jonathan
played the Easter Bunny.

Yes, ma'am, but Friend Hoss ain't
never been no Easter Bunny before.

All thou has to do is to hide the
colored eggs for the orphans' egg hunt,

as is the custom.

Oh, well, if that's
all there is to it,

I'll see you Sunday morning,
bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

Friend Hoss, I would like to
see thee some time before then

when we can be alone.

Really?

For the fitting.

Fitting?

What... What sort of fitting?

For the traditional costume.

Oh, ma'am, you don't...
I ain't gonna wear a... a...

And even the little...?

It be the only part of
Friend Jonathan's outfit

that will fit thee
without alteration.

And as thou thyself promised,
bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

Yeah.

Pardon, sir.

I have here what every
lonely soldier boy should have.

Can I sit down? Thank you.

Take a look at the
edges on these pages.

Solid gold.

Do you have any idea what
kind of a steady hand it takes

to gold-leaf each and every
teensy-weensy edge on that page?

I bet a soldier boy like you gets
to patrol or g*ng a gold shipment,

government payrolls an' all?

You look the kind Uncle Sam would
pick. Cool hand, keen eye, closed mouth.

Me and my brother have often said
how much we admire you boys in blue

who stand guard over
those payroll shipments,

through the long
nights and the darkness,

and the snow and
the rain and the sleet,

and all for a lousy
17 dollars a month.

Yeah, while them
civilians back east

sit on your porch,
swingin' with your best girl,

laughin' at you
for bein' so honest.

Me and my brother has always
said if we come into any money,

we'd share it with the soldier
boy who helped us get it.

The good book says
money changers is evil.

Steal ye from the rich
and give ye to the poor.

Robin Hood.
Chapter 12, Verse 10.

So me and Everett's
in the Silver Dollar,

which ain't much of a place
to sell bibles, incidentally.

This Wells Fargo driver's liftin' a
few, and he promised the barkeep

that he'd howdy the barkeep's
old lady in Carson City.

Carson City?

Hey, let me see. Carson City.

They got a big silver
stamping mill there.

And new wheels means there'll
be a heavy shipment of silver

bouncing through the
high pass to Carson.

Yeah, but there was a
patrol of horse soldiers

dustin' themselves off in the
saloon on the way back to Carson.

That new road is just
crawlin' with Johnny Bluecoats.

Hey, and nobody's gonna
be watchin' the old road

when we take possession
of the silver shipment.

Well, why wouldn't the Wells Fargo,
then, take... take the short way?

We're gonna arrange it so
that the long way is the only way.

Here's what I got in mind.

So then this greenhorn says,

"No, it just doesn't take me very
long to examine a horseshoe, that's all."

Then he gives us a
couple more hallelujahs

and hotfoots it down the street
like a rabbit with his tail on fire.

- Hey, don't you think that's funny?
- A rabbit with its tail on fire?

- Yeah.
- No, I don't.

Don't use up all that
good smell, neither.

You know, brother, sometimes
I really don't understand you.

It's not Saturday and
you're takin' a bath.

You say you're not gonna see a
girl, but you wanna use my bay rum.

You say you're not goin' anywhere,
but you're goin' through all this.

Mr. Hoss, please?

Yeah, come on in and
join the crowd, Hop Sing.

Mr. Hoss, Hop Sing not
sure how many egg you order.

How many egg you order?

Oh, about... about a
hundred ought to be enough.

A hundred eggs?

Sure gonna make awful
big omelet. Awful big.

I don't want 'em for an
omelet. Just hard-boil 'em.

And hop to it, Hop Sing.

Oh, you gotta be kiddin'.

I'll bet three to one even you couldn't
eat a hundred eggs at one sitting.

These eggs ain't for eatin',
Little Joe. They're for deliverin'.

Oh, you goin' into the
hard-boiled-egg business, door to door?

I'm going to give
'em, not sell 'em.

Oh, any money in that?

Joseph, I'm givin' these eggs
to a bunch of little orphan kids.

Oh, that's real nice. How come
you got 'em all hard-boiled?

Some kids like 'em soft-boiled,
some like 'em sunny side up.

How would you go
about dying a fried egg?

Well, who'd wanna
dye a fried egg?

Joseph, what you don't know
about old traditional Easter costumes.

Costumes? Don't you
mean Easter customs?

Well, that's... that's what I
said, didn't I? Dag-rabbit.

Nabbit. Dag... Dagnabbit.

Hey, Miss Charity, I ain't much of
one to go against tradition or nothin',

but if the Easter Bunny
always hides the eggs

just before sunrise
while it's still dark,

then how come he can't hide
'em at midnight the night before?

Oh, Friend Hoss.

Yeah. Forgot about the coyotes and
the blue jays. They'd eat 'em up all right.

What if he... What if he just hid
'em, like, an hour before sunup?

I mean, that way
the Easter Bunny

wouldn't have to be
loppy-lopping around in a rabbit suit

and the kids couldn't see
him 'cause it'd still be dark,

and you wouldn't be
put to all this trouble.

I'm sorry, I didn't get that.
Must be the pins in your mouth.

Friend Hoss, the Easter
Bunny arrives at dawn

because the children look
forward to getting up at dawn,

and each one
wants to be the first

to spy the Easter
Bunny hiding his goodies.

Yeah.

Friend Jonathan was
a much smaller rabbit.

He used to perform in his
long flannel underdrawers.

- If thou wouldst prefer...
- No, no, no, no, no.

Thou art the tailor,

and thy will be done
by dawn's early light.

I know vanity be sinful, but I
cannot help thinking thou art beautiful.

Yeah, it... fits like a glove.

Uh, ma'am, one question.
How do I get in and out of it?

Thou unbuttons
thyself. And vice versa.

Yeah, but the buttons are in the
rear. I can't get to 'em to vice or versa.

Thou wilt have to depend on
the assistance of someone else,

like thy father or thy brother.

It might even be
amusing to them.

Yeah. Yeah, you can
count on that, ma'am.

One final touch.

Turn around.

There. How does that feel?

Oh, that feels just fine, ma'am.

Do you mind if I step out and
get a little breath of fresh air?

- I'll be right back.
- The children are studying.

- Do not let them see thee.
- Oh, no, ma'am. No, ma'am.

I'll... I'll be right back.

Well, gentlemen. Come
on, boys, put your back into it.

What are you, mice or men?

I never thought holding up a
stagecoach was such a heavy job.

Digging graves in
Flatbush was a cinch easier.

Yeah? And where'd you
ever strike gold in Flatbush?

Yeah.

Hey, I thought that Fargo
wagon was carryin' only silver.

Look, all business has got to
start somewhere. Success...

Why don't I go round the front
and see what's holdin' it up?

Will you shut up
when I'm talkin'?

Now, success takes hard work.

Why you standin' there, LeRoy?

Go round the front and see
what's hanging up this rock. Go on.

Success takes hard work, boys.
You work hard, you get somewhere.

You sit here, you do nothin',
nothin' happens. You understand?

Do something. Then
something'll happen. All right?

All right! Try it now!

Try it now. Try it
now. Go ahead.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Whaa!

Oh... LeRoy.

Yeah, Red?

- LeRoy?
- LeRoy.

Boy, that was close. I
could have been k*lled.

- What are you doin'?
- Just once. Let me k*ll him just once.

Oh, Red, come on!

Candy. It's all right. It's
me. It's Hoss. It's all right.

I'm gonna let you
breathe in a minute,

but you gotta promise you
ain't gonna tell a soul about this,

even Pa or Little Joe, you hear?

I don't understand.

Well, you don't have to. All I want
you to do is button me up in back.

In back of what?

I'll let you see in a minute. But first
I'm gonna tell you one more thing.

If you laugh at me, Candy, I'll break
every bone in your body, you hear?

You know, when I was
little, I didn't believe in you.

Very funny.

Hoss?

That you?

Hi, Pa. What are you doin'
up this time of the mornin'?

Huh? What time is it?

It's... It's Easter mornin'.

Yeah, I know, I
know. What time is it?

Oh, I'd say roughly around 4:22.

4:22?

Honest. 4:22.

Wow. I'm late. I gotta get
crackin', Pa. I'm going to a sunrise.

What are you bundled
up in that mackinaw for?

I just threw it on.

You know how drafty these
March mornings get around Easter.

I gotta get
hoppin', Pa... ridin'.

I'll see thee... thou...
you. I'll see you, Pa.

Hey, it's really not
that cold out, you know.

Oh, hey, Pa, what are you
doin' up this hour of the morning?

Are you riding out
before breakfast too?

No. I just got in. I
gotta get dressed.

Well, you are dressed.

No, these are my Saturday nights.
I gotta put on my Sunday best.

Takin' a cute little gal
to church this afternoon.

This after... What's your rush?

I gotta catch the early Wells Fargo.
She... She lives in Carson City.

What's all the noise? What you
doing up this time of morning?

Hop Sing no can sleep.

Hey! What's the matter with you?

All right, let's see
some chips fly.

Come on, LeRoy, whack it.

That stage is gonna
be here and gone

before you're halfway
through cuttin' that little old tree.

Hey, timber!

Come on, step away.
Let it fall across the road.

Oh, no.

All right, let's go.

Sorry about your good suit,
Joe, but we gotta raise dust

if we're gonna make any time
draggin' all that extra weight behind us.

Yeah.

Well, what do I know
about choppin' trees?

How many trees grow in Brooklyn?

Come on. Come on.

We'll put the tree across the
road and you go watch the horses.

Why? Where are they goin'?

They're gonna wait for us while
we knock off the stagecoach.

And you're gonna watch 'em
wait and stay out of trouble.

Well, what happens if you get
into trouble, even without me?

If we get in trouble without
you, we ain't in much trouble.

And while you're
waitin', read a bible.

Good old faithful,
trustful friend.

You ain't gonna run off and
leave old Hoss this time, are you?

Good old pony, you.

You old good-for-nothin',
flop-eared,

tray-back, rotten dang nag, you!

Chicken. Ain't you ever
seen a rabbit before?

All right, where you hidin'?

Hey, Red, what was that?

Just for a wild guess,
I'd say a g*nsh*t.

Hey, but LeRoy's up there.

All right, where
did he get the g*n?

I think he might have found my r*fle.
I left it in my saddle whatchamacallit.

Then you go back and see
which leg he sh*t himself in.

- Oh...
- Go on. Go on.

All right, LeRoy. All
right. What happened?

What happened, LeRoy?

- It was a rabbit.
- What rabbit?

The biggest rabbit I ever
seen in the whole world.

When it popped up and scared
all the horses, I drew down on it.

But when I cocked the r*fle, it
turned around and it jumped me,

and it took away
the r*fle off of me.

You let a rabbit
take a g*n off of ya?

Well, you would too, Fred.

I mean, it was strong, honest.

But we heard a sh*t.

That's when I... when
I jumped the rabbit.

And it turned around and it... and
it... and it hit me with my own g*n.

And that's when
the r*fle went off.

It's a good thing I was
wearing my lucky hat,

otherwise I could
have been k*lled.

You do believe
me, don't you, Fred?

Well, the horses are gone and
your hat is dented, that's for sure.

LeRoy, where's my r*fle?

I'm sorry I bent it, Fred.

This big strong rabbit, LeRoy,

would you say he was...
he was big as a grizzle bear?

Yes, he was big
as a grizzle bear.

And would you say he
was strong as a grizzle?

Yeah, he was
strong as a grizzle.

And he was mean as a grizzle.

Then what makes you
think he wasn't no grizzle?

'Cause he had white fur.

Polar bears got white fur.

He had a pink nose.

Maybe he got into a fight.

With a grizzle bear.

Then your grizzle bear...

pulled my polar
bear by the ears,

'cause they was
stretched out a yard.

Whoa.

Well, Joe, I hope
your little Carson cutie

doesn't get too hot
under her Easter bonnet,

but it begins to look like you ain't
gonna get her to the church on time.

I guess there's no
gettin' around it, huh?

Not that rock. We're gonna
have to take the long cut.

Back up. Back!

Up and at 'em, kiddies.

Friend Sun will soon
be peeping over the hill.

It's Easter morning.

You get up, you lazy lump.

Now, if we hurry, we might
spy Friend Rabbit hopping about,

hiding his Easter goodies.

Yes, it's sure enough bent.

Are you sure you didn't hit
yourself over the head with it?

It was the rabbit, Red. I swear
to you on our father's grave.

We never had no father.

Shh!

Up there.

What? What?

Big ears. Pink and fuzzy.

- So?
- And a yard long.

Hey, yeah, I think
maybe I seen 'em too.

You see what I mean, Red?

Are you guys off your trolley?

You pumpernickels
got buck fever.

You'd think this was the first
stage heist we ever pulled.

Well, it is, ain't it?

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

All right, put the
bandanas over your kissers.

Get behind the rocks.

Don't sh**t until they get out
of the wagon and move the tree.

- I don't have anything to sh**t with.
- Good.

I ain't neither.

Whoa!

Did you ever have
one of them days

when every fly-bit, mangy,
clotty, smutched-up...

Oh, take it easy, take it easy.
Don't ruin your good disposition.

Besides, cussin' ain't gonna move
that tree. Old sweat is gonna move it.

Guess you're right.

All right, men, now, stay
cool and don't move until I say.

- Tell where that sh*t came from?
- No.

All right, who did that?

Not me.

Well, we can now.

Make every sh*t count.

Red, I don't have a g*n.

Why don't you let me help?

Poke your head up and draw their
fire. Make them show themselves.

Oh, Red.

What are you worried about?

Do you know what kind
of a sh*t it would take

to hit a little head like
yours from way down there?

That kind of sh*t.

Hey, that come
from the back of us.

Hey, Red, that's him,
the monster rabbit.

Never mind that. Give
me some more shells.

Come on, give me some shells.

Give me the shells.

If they're sh**t' at us, they're
the worst sh*ts in the world.

Beats anything I ever saw.

Come on.

Oh. Oh!

All right, hold it.

Drop the g*ns.

Drop it!

Let's go. Move it.

You three, you come with
me. You got a tree to move.

Whoa, boy. Whoa, boy.

Whoa, boy.

See what a nice egg the
Easter Bunny's got for you?

Huh? Whoa, boy. Whoa, boy.

Whoa, boy.

Whoa, boy.

Whoa, boy.

Nice horsey. Nice horsey.

Two against four.

It would have been an even fight

if that rabbit didn't spook our
horses and jump us from behind.

Yeah, big as a grizzle bear, with
mean eyes and a little pink nose.

Will you quit embarrassin'
me with that loony story?

All right, that's far
enough. Come on, let's go.

Come on, move it
up! Come on, let's go.

All right, everybody, get in.
You can ride on the freight.

It's a long, bumpy
ride to Carson City.

We get to sit with the silver
you're lugging to the stamping mill.

You know, the ones you said was
standing idle waitin' for the shipment.

They weren't waitin' for silver.
They were waitin' for gears.

Gears?

Gears.

All right, let's go. Climb in.

All right, let's go.

Gears.

Let's move it.

Yes, children, I know you be impatient
because the Easter Bunny was late,

but he had so much
territory to cover.

But we did finally catch a glimpse
of him, didn't we, scurrying about?

- Yes, Miss Charity.
- All right, then.

Let's see if we can find where
Friend Rabbit hid his goodies.

Whoa, you gnarly stupid nag!

Whoa! Whoa! Stupid!

- I found one!
- I found one!

- Me too!
- Wonderful. Let's see what colors.

- Black.
- Black.

- Me too.
- Black Easter eggs?

No, Miss Charity, books. Friend
Rabbit brought us all new black books.

Is it a good book?

Indeed, Jennifer.
It be the good book.

One for each and all of us.

Miss Charity, Miss
Charity! You know what?

- What, Randall?
- The road.

I think I seen the Easter
Bunny lipperty-lopping down it.

- But I'm not sure.
- Oh? Why?

Well, he was lipperty-lopping
on the back of a buckin' horse.

Can rabbits say "whoa, stupid"?

Who knows what miracles heaven
works, its blessings to conceal?

Yeah, who knows?

Boy, that black stallion
you brought back with you

sure is a handsome,
high-spirited animal.

What did you pay for him?

Well, I... I didn't have to pay
nothin' for him exactly, Pa.

You see, I traded for
him. That's what I done.

I traded old Ned for him.

You traded that skittish old
hay-burner for that beauty?

- Even up?
- Well, not exactly even up.

I had to throw in a
few hard-boiled eggs.

Oh.

I tell you, Hoss, sometimes I think
you were born with a lucky rabbit's foot.

Have a carrot?

I don't even like carrots.