11x27 - What are Pardners For?

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Bonanza". Aired: September 12, 1959 - January 16, 1973.*
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Set during and after the Civil w*r, "Bonanza" is the story of Ben and his 3 sons on the family's thousand-acre spread, known as the Ponderosa, near Virginia City.
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11x27 - What are Pardners For?

Post by bunniefuu »

The following program is brought
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"Black Bart dropped the reins of
the cay... cayuse over the hitch rail

and saun... sauntered across the
boardwalk to the door of the bank.

He pulled the red calico kerchief
up across the bridge of his nose

and settled the black
hat lower on his forehead.

Then pulled the trusty
hogleg from the ornate bus...

buscadero holster.

He stepped through the
door and into the bank.

The man in the teller's
cage saw him at once

and cower...
cowered back fearfully.

Black Bart cocked the p*stol
and said in a firm voice..."

Howdy.

I seen your campfire
and I thought I'd ride by

and see if you had
a spare cup of coffee.

Oh, sure, stranger.

You just tie your cayuse up,
and we got plenty of coffee.

Thanks.

But he ain't a cayuse.

- Well, I mean your bronc.
- He ain't a bronc neither.

- What is he?
- He's a horse.

Well, any fool can see that,
but what do you call him?

Well, I call him Chub.
What do I call you fellas?

- Well, I'm Luke. This here's John.
- Hoss Cartwright.

How's that?

- He thinks he's fast with a g*n.
- No, no, how was it? Did you like that?

Thought it was a mite dangerous.

From this thing? You gonna get hurt?
You can't get hurt from this old g*n.

It wasn't me I was
concerned about.

It wasn't you. I mean, I wasn't
meanin' nothin' personal against you.

I was just showin' off a little.

Draw.

Go on, go on, draw.

Well, he caught me by surprise.

Sit down, Hoss.

- Yeah, thank you.
- Make yourself at home.

You know, you're the first real
outlaw we've met since we left Kansas.

Well, I hate to disappoint
you boys, but I ain't no outlaw.

You gotta be, the way
you handle that g*n.

No. See, I ain't that fast. It's
just that old John is that slow.

Look, that's all right.
Your secret is safe with us.

I mean, we've read all about
people like you in these books.

That's why we
came west, to be free.

To go where the wind blows us.

Like the smoke from the
lonely cowpuncher's fire.

Are you fellas lookin' for work?

That depends.

Well, we've got some harvestin' to
do. We got some alfalfa, oats, hay.

Oh, no. I mean, we left Kansas
to get away from that kind of work.

Well, what exactly is
it you are lookin' for?

Somethin' a little
more exciting than that.

- When do we get to the next town?
- It's about a two-hour ride.

That's where I was headin'.

Well, stay and eat with us and
we'll ride in together, pardner.

Sounds like a good
idea. I'll get my grub.

If you fellas change your mind, my
pa'll be in town in a couple of days

and that'll be plenty
of time to sign on.

Well, we'll think about it.

It went off.

So long, pardner.

You sure you boys don't wanna
change your mind about that job?

No, thank you.

Well, it's been a pleasure ridin'
with you, boys. See you around.

Yeah, it's been nice.

Let's go, John.

Run for it, pardner!

Hey, horse!

Luke, come back here!

Hey, horse! Whoa!

Hey, John!

What are you doin'?

John! Hey! Hey!

John!

Hey, wait a minute! Hey!

Hey, what's the
matter? Why are you...?

Stay right where
you are, big fella.

Get up. You're under arrest.

- For what?
- For robbin' the bank.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

The jail's right
down yonder. March.

Oh, Sheriff, this is silly. You
ain't gonna put me in no jail.

Sheriff, you're makin'
a terrible mistake.

I more than likely am.

If you'd just let me explain,

I'm sure we can come to
some kind of understanding.

- You already have. Two or three times.
- I got a feelin' you don't believe it.

- Scooter, outside.
- Yes, sir.

- Sheriff, it's the truth.
- Maybe it is and maybe it ain't.

But the truth ain't somethin'
that somebody tells me.

It's somethin' I gotta
figure out by myself.

Scooter, see who that is.

Sheriff, my brother and our foreman
ought to be over at the hotel right now.

- Go over there and ask them.
- I've already sent for 'em.

And I got a posse out lookin'
for them two pardners of yours.

I've told you, they
ain't my partners.

So you have.

- Hurry on, now. He's back here.
- There he is.

- Hey, brother, how you doin'?
- Joe, Candy. Boy, am I glad to see you.

Yeah, I'm fine, except
for bein' locked up in here.

Don't worry. We'll have
you out in a minute.

And just how are
you gonna do that?

Well, look, the whole thing
is ridiculous. It's a mistake.

Mr. Bradley says that there's
15,000 dollars missin' from his bank,

and that ain't no mistake.

- Hoss didn't take it.
- I didn't say he did.

Then why do you
have him locked up?

Because the other fellas got the
money and he got caught, that's why.

Well, why ain't you out
chasin' the other fellas?

- I got a posse out chasin' 'em.
- Well, why ain't you with 'em?

Look, my job ain't to outrun
every crook in the county,

it's to out-think 'em, and I
do my best thinkin' right here.

All right, good. We'll get
you a lawyer. Don't worry.

- If you'll wait outside...
- I got some questions.

I'll talk to you when
I get through here.

- Now, take 'em out.
- We'll be right back, Hoss.

You know, I could go a
whole lot easier on you

if you'd just tell me where
them other two fellas are.

I don't know where they're at.

Well, you ain't got much
time to make up your mind.

You know, the
circuit judge is in town

and your trial is set for nine
o'clock tomorrow mornin'.

You're gonna be on your
way to territorial prison by noon.

I still don't know
where they're at.

Oh, if you've got any ideas
of breakin' out of this place,

I just want you to know that
I ain't lost a man in 15 years.

I still don't know
where they are.

Honor among thieves.

I guess you know that they'd
turn you in in a minute, don't you?

- Where'd they go?
- They wanted a lawyer.

I sent 'em to Mr. Blake.

Blake?

Well, maybe you'd better wander
on out and keep an eye on 'em.

Yeah, sure.

Mr. Blake.

I already know most of the
facts of the case, Mr. Cartwright.

- And if I may be frank...
- Please go right ahead.

Your brother doesn't
have a chance.

- But he's innocent.
- Naturally.

All crooks are innocent
until proven guilty.

Look, Mr. Blake, my
brother really is innocent.

Well, that's too bad.

- Why?
- 'Cause he's going to prison.

Not if we can prove that he's
innocent. That's why we need a lawyer.

You need more than
a lawyer, Mr. Canaday.

You need divine
intervention, a miracle.

- We'll settle for a lawyer.
- Sorry. Can't help you.

Mr. Blake, every man
has the right to counsel.

Mr. Cartwright, every
dollar I had was in that bank.

Now, in all fairness to
you and your brother,

I could not be objective
in representing him.

- You'll have to excuse me.
- Well, at least you're honest.

There's another
lawyer down the street.

Ray Stahl. I'm sure
he'll take the case.

He needs the money,
and the experience.

Thank you.

Mr. Cartwright, I also happen
to be the county prosecutor,

and a witness to the crime.

For your information, he is
guilty, and I intend to prove that.

He sure went to a lot
of trouble to say no.

A lot of people like to
hear themselves talk.

Why don't you just sit here and relax?
We're just gonna go down the street.

You lookin' for Ray?

Ray who?

He ain't there.

- Who ain't there?
- He's gone fishin'.

Where?

Well, it might just be better if I
went along and showed you the way.

- Which way?
- This way.

Easy does it, Calvin.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Sleep it off, now.

He's sure gonna hate
hisself in the mornin'.

You changed your mind yet?

Sheriff, I've told you
everything I know.

You know, Hoss, I'm just
as smart as some crooks

and a whole lot
smarter than most of 'em,

and when you lie to me, I figure
it's 'cause you think I'm stupid.

Now, I take that as an insult.

Sheriff, I'm as
honest as most folks,

and a little more
honest than some,

and when you call me a
crook, I take that as an insult.

You sure ain't
a-helpin' yourself none.

Oh, by the way,
the posse got back.

Them two friends of
yours got plumb away.

Why, they're halfway
to Mexico by now.

- Is that all you can tell me?
- It's about all I know.

Scooter, is that the
way it happened?

They, um, dressed it up a
little. But that's about right.

Doesn't sound too good.

- Will you take the case?
- Of course I'll take it.

Provided I get paid in advance.

People who lose
are reluctant to pay.

Are you so all-fire
sure you're gonna lose?

Not absolutely.

But I would like to
get paid in advance.

All right.

That enough?

- For half my fee.
- Half, huh?

All right, my father'll give
you the rest before the trial.

Good enough.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, you!

- Luke.
- Hi, Hoss.

- Hi.
- Come on, open up, open up.

- Luke.
- I'm here to rescue you.

Luke, I don't wanna be rescued.

Dad burn it, I... I'm in
enough trouble like it is.

That's why I'm here,
to get you out of trouble.

What are pardners for
if not to help each other?

Oh, so you're pardners, huh?

- That's right, Sheriff.
- No, we ain't neither.

- Now, tell him the truth, Luke.
- Now, come on, we ain't got all night.

All right, Calvin.

Reach. Ha-ha!

You know, I figured that you fellas
might try to pull somethin' like this,

so I just stuck my friend
Calvin in the next cell.

Yeah, that's
pretty good, Sheriff.

That's just like in the book when
Black Bart rescues Slim and Red

from the hoosegow up
in the Wind River country.

What are you so happy about?

Look behind you, Calvin.

I ain't gonna fall for
no old trick like that.

It's all right, Calvin.
You can fall for it.

- Huh?
- Put the g*n down, Calvin.

Anythin' you say, Sheriff.

We got your horse outside, Hoss.
John sneaked him out of the livery stable.

Luke, the best thing to do is tell
the sheriff the truth. Just tell him.

No, that ain't the way
it's done. Now, come on.

No. I ain't gonna go with you,
Luke. I ain't gonna do it. No.

Look, John and me went to a
lot of trouble to get you out of jail.

And by golly we're
gonna do it. Now, let's go.

- So long, Sheriff.
- Be seein' you, Hoss.

They got away.

If I didn't know better,
I'd think so myself.

Oh, I sure hope you appreciate
the trouble you got me into, Sheriff.

Martha don't like me
bein' late for supper.

I'll write you a note
you can give to her.

That'll do me no good. She don't
like me hangin' round the jail either.

Come on, now.

- Sheriff?
- Scooter?

Yeah!

Get the keys and
come unlock this door.

What are you doin' in there?
Where's Hoss Cartwright?

His friends come
and got him out.

- Did he get clean away?
- Looks like it, don't it?

Ain't you in the
least little bit upset?

Not so you'd notice.

- Hello, Ray.
- Sheriff, I wanna see my brother.

Go round me up four or
five men for a posse, will you?

Anybody in particular?

No, just anybody that's up
and around this time of night.

- We'd like to see my brother.
- Give me your g*n.

- Oh, my crying out loud.
- And yours too.

- Here you go.
- Can we see him now?

- This way.
- Thanks.

- Hoss?
- Where is he?

- Inside.
- Wait a minute. What's this all about?

He'll tell you all about
it when he gets back.

What are you lockin' us up in
here for? We didn't do anything.

- He can't do this, you know.
- He just did it.

What are the charges
against those two men, Sheriff?

Ray, you know
dadgum good and well

that I ain't got no charges
against them boys.

I just wanna have 'em here
where I can keep an eye on 'em.

Then I'll have to file a writ.

Well, why don't you do that
first thing tomorrow mornin'?

Right after breakfast.

Could I talk to Hoss
Cartwright now?

No. He escaped.

But you can see him tomorrow
mornin' when you serve that writ.

What's goin' on?
Where's my brother?

He got away, and it's my
duty to tell you, Mr. Cartwright,

it's not going to
help his case any.

What about us? Can
we get out of here?

In the morning. See you then.

Uh...

Well, what are we gonna do now?

Flip a coin.

Winner gets the bunk, loser
gets the blanket on the floor.

Call it.

Heads.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Hey, come on, sit down,
pardner. Take a load off your feet.

Let's get a couple of
things straight first of all.

First of all, I ain't
your pardner.

And secondly, I'm in a bunch
of trouble because of you two.

We rescued you, Hoss.
Don't that set it straight?

Not by a long sh*t. You
see, I happen to live here.

I gotta stay here. And eventually I
gotta go back in and face them folks.

- Why?
- Because I ain't a bandit.

Well, neither are we.

What were you doin'
robbin' that bank, then?

Tryin' to get a little
money together.

If it was money you wanted, how come
you turned down that job I offered you?

Well, a job takes up
too much of your time.

We kind wanna move
around and see the country.

To go where the wind blows us.

Like the smoke from a lonely
cowpoke's fire. I've heard it.

Well, we'd never get anything
seen if we had to work for a livin'.

I mean, holdin' a job kind of
ties you down to one place.

So we figured we'd stop
in a bank now and then

and pick up what we needed.

- You've done this often?
- No, that was the first time.

And it sure didn't work out the
way we expected it would, did it?

Honestly, pardner, we didn't
mean to get you in no trouble.

Well, you two are in
as much trouble as I am.

They gotta catch us first.

Yeah, and we got the
whole world to hide in.

Yeah, but, you see,
I ain't. I live here.

Now, if you two really
wanna do me a favor,

you'll go back in and
give that money back.

Money? What money?

The 15,000 dollars
you stole from the bank.

We didn't get no 15,000 dollars.
We didn't get one cent from that bank.

Sheriff, I run into him
just goin' in the bank.

Sheriff, what in the
thunder do you need me for?

I'm gettin' up a posse.

Hoss Cartwright escaped and
we're gonna go out and pick him up.

Hoss escaped?

- Where did he go?
- I don't know just yet.

I'm workin' on it.

Well, if you don't mind, I've got
a lot of things to do at the bank.

They'll keep.

Sheriff, I am a very busy man.

Look, you ain't got no
money over yonder to count

and you might say that
this is bank business.

Anyhow, I'd kind of like
to have you go along.

All right, Sheriff.
Where do we go?

Like I say, I'm a-workin' on it.

Oh, Calvin, did
your wife find you?

- No. She lookin' for me?
- Yes.

Oh, my...

What are we waiting for, Renard?

Running Cloud.

I had him a-waitin' outside
the jail to trail 'em, just in case.

- You don't miss a bet do you, Sheriff?
- Hardly.

Is there any chance he
could have lost them?

Uh-uh. Runnin' Cloud can trail a
stray breeze through a stand of timber.

- You boys go get the horses.
- All right, you heard the sheriff.

- Come on.
- You followed 'em?

Yes. They're camped
over near Whistling Rock.

- Can I come too, Sheriff?
- You're in enough trouble already.

- Yeah, but you got me into it.
- All right, I'll tell you what.

You stay here and
keep an eye on the jail.

From here on out
you're an official deputy.

I'll give you a dollar a day.
That ought to cool her off.

- Right.
- Oh, how close did you get to 'em?

I was from here to... to there.

Well, why didn't you arrest 'em?

Running Cloud paid to
track. Sheriff paid to arrest.

All right, let's go.

So John and me walked into the
bank and we pulled our hoglegs

and we told the man behind
the counter to stick 'em up.

But he didn't.

No, he grabbed a g*n from under
the counter and started sh**t' at us.

He wasn't supposed to do that.

- He wasn't?
- No.

In the book, when you
draw on a banker, he cowers.

Fearfully.

Yeah, well, I reckon this
banker hadn't read the book.

Well, anyway, we didn't want
nobody to get hurt, so we ran for it.

And you didn't get
a bit of money at all?

No.

Word of honor.

Look, I might lie to a stranger,
Hoss, but not to a pardner.

Yeah.

Well, that banker claims
you got 15,000 dollars.

Hoss, would we go to the
trouble of breakin' you out,

ride you back here and
then just tell you lies?

Well, then, he lied?

He stole the money.

Just like in the
book, crime don't pay.

It's the honest
man that gets rich.

Well, we're gonna
go back in and tell 'em.

Tell 'em what?

We're gonna tell 'em that he's
the one, that you're innocent.

Well, we're more unsuccessful
than we are innocent.

We did try to rob the bank.

Luke, this is the only way you
can get me out of this mess.

Well, I suppose we could go
back and tell 'em you wasn't in on it

and they might believe us.

But then they'd want the money
back, and then what would we tell 'em?

And how much of it
would they believe?

Well, dad burn it, you ought to have
thought about that before you started.

Most bankers is honest.

How could we know the one
we'd pick to rob would be a crook?

- I gotta go.
- To jail?

Yeah. My trial starts in
the mornin' at nine o'clock.

- Wait a minute, Hoss.
- Wait, wait.

- Fellas...
- You can't go. We can't let you go.

What did you fellas do? Did
you rescue me or kidnap me?

John, put that thing away
before you hurt yourself.

- Good luck, pardner.
- I'll need it.

Ain't nobody afraid
of a g*n out here?

Maybe we're doin'
somethin' wrong.

We're doin' exactly
like it says in the book.

Now, maybe, now, just maybe,
mind you, the book might be wrong.

Oh, no, that can't be true.

Look, I ain't sayin' it's true,
but it's somethin' to think about.

- Sheriff?
- Yeah?

We gonna... sh**t to k*ll?

Not just yet, Scooter.

Well, aren't they desperate men?

- Scooter.
- Yeah?

Shut up.

Come on, let's get 'em.

Runnin' Cloud.

He's always got it figured
out just how far he'll go,

right down to the last inch.

Everybody stay
right where you are.

Well, they seem to be gone.

You figured that out
all by yourself, huh?

What are we gonna
do now, Sheriff?

Looks like they
outsmarted you, Renard.

Yeah.

If I didn't know better, I'd think
I was dealin' with honest men.

We gonna track 'em?

What for? No law that says
a crook's gotta be stupid.

Anybody that turns
crooked has gotta be stupid.

He just thinks he's smarter
than everybody else.

Sheriff?

- Sheriff?
- Yeah?

We... We gonna go after 'em?

- Scooter?
- Yes, sir?

Will you stop askin' questions?

All right, men, let's go.

How am I ever gonna learn
if I don't ask any questions?

- Who's there?
- It's me, Hoss Cartwright. Open up.

- Hey, where's the sheriff?
- Don't you know?

Yeah, he said he was
goin' out to get you back.

Well, I didn't wait for him.

Hey, what are you
two doin' in there?

- Well, what are you doing out there?
- Well, I... I got rescued.

- Wait a minute. I'll get the key.
- No, no. No, please.

One escaped prisoner
in the family is plenty.

Take this card. It's got
your lawyer's name on it.

- Why don't you get him?
- Yeah.

Are you sure you don't want
me to get you out of here?

- Positive.
- No, no, no, we're comfortable.

- Hey, Calvin.
- Yeah?

Run and get this
fella for me, will you?

Oh, sure.

Hey, wait a minute.

I ain't no errand boy.
I'm a deputy sheriff.

Oh, yeah. Well, I'll go get
him. You look after things here.

Right.

Oh, Hoss, don't forget,
breakfast is at eight o'clock sharp.

You ain't back, you don't eat.

Thanks.

I'm just tellin' you what they
told me. Why would they lie?

For the same
reason they'd steal.

- But they didn't.
- They say they didn't.

- I believe 'em.
- I don't believe them.

But that's beside the point.
Even if I did, how would I prove it?


Well, I don't know. That's...
That's sort of up to you.

I mean, you're the lawyer.

Then let me figure out what
the defense is going to be.

All right. As long as
it's based on the truth.

Hoss, I've known Phillip
Bradley for some years.

He's been known to take
a drink and turn a card.

He's not one of
my favorite people.

But I can't think of any reason
for him to rob his own bank.

I can give you 15,000.

I realize people have a natural
distrust of bankers, and lawyers,

but they also have a healthy
distrust of bank robbers too,

And that's what you're
accused of being.

Now, do you think they're going
to take your word against his?

- Well, it's worth a try.
- Not without proof.

Now, run on back to the jail
and get a good night's sleep.

I'll see you in the morning.

Yeah. I'll see you.

- Who's there?
- It's me again. Let me in.

I don't know whether
you're more concerned

about somebody
gettin' in or out of this jail.

Little bit of both.

- Hoss, what did the lawyer say?
- Well, he says I'm in a lot of trouble.

How long did it take him to figure
that out? Did he have any ideas?

No. He didn't seem to be
too concerned about it neither.

That's because he
already got half his pay.

Yeah.

Howdy, Sheriff.

How'd you catch him?

Well, I was sittin' out
there on guard, see,

and all of a sudden
I hear this noise.

So I figured maybe somebody
had come to spring these two guys.

So I pull my g*n,
see. Well, I get up...

Well, I... I started
goin' towards the door,

and I hear this sound again
and, um... I got my g*n ready...

Oh, heck, I didn't
really catch him, Sheriff.

He come walkin' in
like he owned the place

and I was three months
behind in my rent.

Don't feel bad about it,
Calvin. It's a pretty good story.

- Wanna hear the rest of it?
- Not just now, Calvin.

- I'm gonna let you boys out.
- Great.

Lack of evidence.
But don't go too far.

We'll be here for the trial.
Hoss, don't worry about a thing.

- We'll be around.
- See you, Candy.

You know, Hoss, I pride
myself on my wily ways.

There ain't a whole lot of people
that can put anything over on me.

But you surprise me.

Well, maybe it's because
I'm tellin' you the truth, Sheriff.

I'm beginnin' to believe you.

But there's gonna be a
lot of people there tomorrow

that you're gonna have to convince
that ain't near as smart as I am.

Well, you do me one
favor, Sheriff, will you?

What's that?

No matter what happens
in that courtroom tomorrow,

you keep an open mind, will you?

I pride myself on that
too. See you, Hoss.

Night, Sheriff.

Excitement's all over, Cal. You
might just as well go on home.

Sheriff, do you mind if I bed down
in that empty cell back there tonight?

I can't stand the thought
of facin' that woman.

Come in.

- Calvin?
- Sheriff, that's her.

- Please don't open the door.
- Calm down, Calvin.

- You don't know what she's like.
- It can't be as bad as all that.

Calvin?

Good evenin', Sheriff.

You better come home now,
Cal. Your supper's gettin' cold.

Yes'm.

- Good night, Sheriff.
- Night, Miss Glidden.

Boy, she's a holy terror.

A regular she grizzly
bear, ain't she?

Here comes the
sheriff. Step aside here.

Here comes the sheriff. Here
comes the prisoner. Step aside, now.

- Is Pa here yet?
- Not yet, but don't worry.

Did you think about
what I told you?

Yes, but I don't think I
can use it. There's no proof.

- But it's the truth.
- Hoss, this is a court.

And the court wants
to hear evidence,

and evidence consists of
those facts which we can prove.

Now, the truth without proof
is not considered evidence.

How you gonna get justice
if you don't have the truth?

We use the law.

- It's an acceptable substitute.
- Yeah.

Well, if I have to depend
on the law and the law only,

I'm as well as on
that two o'clock train

to the territorial
penitentiary right now.

Court's in session.
Sit down and shut up.

- All right, you heard the judge.
- Scooter. Scooter.

You 12 men, sit over
there. You're the jury.

Uh, Judge.

I don't think I
should be on the jury.

- Did I call the defendant again?
- The defendant's brother.

Uh, you're excused.

- What's your problem?
- Uh, I work for the Cartwrights.

You! Don't you know better than to come
charging in when the court's in session?

Yes, sir, I do, but it's
important that I be here.

It's important that
you be here, is it?

Well, then, you just have
a seat over in the jury box

where you have to see and
hear everything that goes on.

- Just do like the judge...
- My name is Ben Cartwright.

- My son is on trial here.
- Why didn't you tell me?

I never seen him before neither.

Have a seat there in the front
row, Mr. Cartwright, and be quiet.

Pick two more men for the jury
and let's get on with this thing.

- Good to see you.
- What's going on?

Oh, Pa, I don't even
wanna talk about it.

Mr. Cartwright, sit down.

Call your first witness.

Very well.

I'd like to call Sheriff Renard.

- Swear to tell the truth?
- Yes, sir.

Well, then, sit down.

Sheriff, I'd like you to tell
this court, in your own words,

exactly what happened.

Well...

Which way we goin', Luke?

North. Wind River country.

Wind River country.

That sure sings, don't it?

You could almost dance to
it. Wonder what it looks like.

Well, one place is
pretty much like another.

That don't sound like
you, Luke. We're free.

We're free to go where
the wind blows us.

Got everything we need.
Got a g*n, got a good bronc.

This ain't a bronc.

It's an old plow horse I
rode out here from Kansas.

Just wishin' ain't
gonna change him a bit,

and it ain't gonna
change us either.

What's the matter?
You thinkin' about Hoss?

Well, it just ain't right
for a man to ride off

and leave his
partner in the lurch.

No, no, it ain't.

Luke, what the heck is a lurch?

Well, I don't really know,

but whatever it is, Hoss is
in it and we gotta get him out.

Again?

The three of 'em pulled
up across the street

and the defendant here
stayed with the horses

while the other two
went into the bank.

Soon as the sh**t' started,
why, they come runnin' out

and got on their horses
and rode out of town,

and Hoss Cartwright here fell
off his horse and we caught him.

Thank you, Sheriff.
Your witness.

No questions.

- No questions?
- Did he lie?

Mr. Phillip Bradley.

Just because I was with 'em
don't mean that I was one of 'em.

Continue, Mr. Bradley.

Well, after they got their hands on
the money, they kind of forgot about me.

I got the p*stol out of the open
safe and started sh**t' at 'em.

That's when they fled.

They got away, but the sheriff and
I captured their confederate there.

Your witness.

No questions.

Did you have money
in that bank too?

All I had in the world.

That completes the case for
the prosecution, Your Honor.

Is the defense ready?

I would like to confer with
my client for a moment.

All right, but don't
take too long.

Now, look, Hoss, our only
hope is to put you on the stand.

The only defense we've got

is your story about those two
boys being strangers to you.

Well, I've already told 'em
that and they don't believe it.

But when you tell it up
there, see if you can cry a little.

There's something kind of
sincere about a man who cries.

I'd rather yell.

Mr. Stahl, his
train is due at two.

It always runs a
little late, Your Honor.

Your Honor, if you and this
court's dead set on railroadin' me,

the least you can do is
make my train on time.

- I'm getting sick and tired of this...
- Mr. Cartwright, sit down!

- Sit down!
- Your Honor, excuse me...

- Sit back down now.
- Wait a minute, Sheriff. Wait a minute.

Your Honor, I beg your
pardon and the court's pardon

for that outburst of temper,

and I respectfully
request permission

to carry on the defense of
my case from this point forward.

Mr. Cartwright, anyone who
represents himself has a fool for a client.

Yes, sir. May I?

Thank you. I call Mr. Luke
Baldwin to the witness stand.

Those are the other two,
Judge! Sheriff, get 'em!

Mr. Bradley, quiet!

- Hold it right there!
- Quiet. Quiet!

Mr. Bradley, will you sit down?

Quiet! Quiet!

Get over and sit down.

Do you swear to tell the truth?

Sure. What do you think I am?

That's what we're
here to find out.

Now, Luke...

How can I help you, pardner?

Luke, did you steal any
money at all out of that bank?

No, not one red cent.

Your witness.

Mr. Baldwin, did
you rob that bank?

No.

- But you did go into the bank?
- Yeah, I did that all right.

Then what did
you do in the bank?

- Your Honor, I object to that.
- Why?

Well, he's already said
he didn't rob the bank.

Now, whatever else he did in the
bank is no importance to this case.

Sustained.

No more questions.

Now, Your Honor, if I may,
I'd like to call John Carter.

John Carter!

Now, John, did you steal
any money out of that bank?

No.

Your witness, Mr. Blake.

You robbed that
bank, didn't you?

- No, sir.
- You did.

- No, sir, I didn't.
- Did!

- Didn't!
- Did!

Mr. Blake! That will be
about enough of that.

No more questions.

Didn't.

Your Honor?

If I may, I'd like to call the sheriff
back to the witness stand now.

Sheriff, after your close observation
and extensive investigation,

can you say without any
question or shadow of a doubt

that that bank was
absolutely for a fact robbed?

You know, I... I figured you
was gonna ask me that question.

- Object.
- Sustained.

That's already been established.

Excuse me, Your Honor.

As long as he put it like that,

why, I mean, well, it looks
like the bank was robbed,

but, well, I wouldn't feel
that I was a-doin' my duty

unless I answered that question.

I will allow the question.

All right.

Now, Sheriff, can you say for an
absolute fact that the bank was robbed?

No, sir, not for an
absolute fact, I can't.

- Your Honor...
- Overruled. Sit down.

Your Honor, will you give the
sheriff a search warrant for the bank?

I don't think that'll be necessary.
I'm sure Mr. Bradley won't object.

Where is Bradley?

I seen him go out the
door just a minute ago.

- Well, how come you didn't stop him?
- Why? He ain't a-goin' no place.

I'll give you a search
warrant, Sheriff.

I don't need a search warrant.

Hoss, you stay here,
you and Luke and John.

Where'd he go?

- He went into the bank.
- Why didn't you go after him?

He had a g*n.

Right down to the last penny.

Sheriff.

Why don't you
fellas go back inside?

All right, you two, go round
to the back door of the bank.

- Right.
- What are you doin', Mr. Cartwright?

Helping.

The bank ain't got no back door.

Hey, Phil!

- Phil!
- Phil!

Mr. Cartwright.

Hey, Phil, it's your
old friend, Sheriff...

The way he's carryin' on, you'd
think we was tryin' to rob the bank.

Oh, come on, Phil.

If you value our friendship, you'll
cut that foolishness out right now.

Hate to have to do it this way.

Sheriff, mind if I try?

Go ahead.

Be careful.

Hey, Bradley!

Why don't you throw your g*n
out and come on out yourself?

I don't wanna go to jail.

Well, would you rather hang?

That's what's gonna happen
if somebody gets k*lled.

I don't wanna go to jail.

Well, nobody wants to go, but it
sure beats the heck out of hangin'.

You wanna give it to me, Phil?

Can I just carry it
as far as the jail?

Why not?

- You tell the judge, will you?
- Yeah.

Be glad to.

Boys, I don't know how to thank you
for comin' in here and doin' what you did.

It took a lot of guts.

Heck, Hoss, what
are pardners for?

Yeah. There's just one
more favor I wanna ask of you.

Go over there and tell
the judge the whole truth.

Mmm.

Well, we already
done the hard part.

You see, Judge, we really
didn't rob the bank, but we did try.

Well, there's a law
against that too.

Yes, sir.

Well, are you confessing
to attempted bank robbery?

Yes, sir.

Since you plead guilty and don't
have a job, I'll have to send you to jail.

- Your Honor?
- Yes, Mr. Cartwright?

Well, Your Honor, they...
they do have a job, sir.

Working at my ranch.

Well, in that case, I
could suspend sentence.

How long would the sentence be?

Ten years.

Mr. Cartwright, you got
yourself a couple of hands.

But if ever I see you two
in my courtroom again...

- Yes, sir.
- No, sir, no.

Now, get out of my sight.

Court dismissed.
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