02x12 - Pierce Me

[bunniefuu]

Hey.

Quinn! Your date is here!

Actually, I'm...

God, Dad, are you kidding?

Gee, I'm sorry, young man, but you know how girls can be.

Just give her some time, son. Give her some time.

Is Daria home?

Daria?! Who are you?

So, you're here to see Daria.

Yeah.

Daria is a very special girl, isn't she?

Uh, sure.

How old are you, Trent?

What?

Are you in school? Do you have a job?

Life isn't just one free handout after another, you know.

How many earrings in that ear?

Daria has mentioned that you have some sort of band.

Mystik Spiral.

But we're thinking of changing the name.

Um, Mom, Dad.

Quinn's on the phone in the kitchen ordering a convertible.

Oh, my God!

I didn't mean to hang up on you before.

Janey walked in and I couldn't think of what to say.

Oh. That's okay.

Daria, I...

Yes...?

I want you to help me pick out a birthday present for Jane.

Every year I end up getting her art supplies.

Can you help me out?

Anything for Jane.

Thanks, Daria.

I'll pick you up tomorrow morning.

Not too early, sometime before lunch... or after.

Um, okay.

Or better yet, why don't we leave it loose?

Don't do it!

Quinn, what is the matter with you?

Coffee, caffeine: dark circles, capisce?

Fashion show, mom. Don't handicap yourself.

Quinn, I need my coffee.

"Woman Loses Fashion Show Due to Pathetic Addiction.

Daughter Shamed For Life."

Come on, the spa is about to open anyway.

Daria? Last chance to join us for a mother-daughter day of beauty.

It's very relaxing.

Once you pass out from the pain.

Who's that? I don't have a date now.

I think it's for me.

I wasn't expecting you for a couple of hours.

I came straight from rehearsal.

We ran late, or early... whatever.

So, where should we go?

Um, I was thinking...

No art supplies. We decided already.

Don't want to get her a CD.

And I can't set foot in a bookstore.

Don't ask me why Daria.

I just don't want to talk about it.

So, what are your ideas?

A fuzzy little bunny?

Let's just go to Dega Street.

I'm sure we'll find something there.

I was thinking we could both wear cigarette trousers, and I'll wear a halter top and you could wear more the nehru jacket thing.

And remember, Mom, cute is not a look, it's not an attitude, it's a way of being.

She's a little miss chatterbox, isn't she?

We're in training. She's going to be my mother and I'm going to be her daughter in a fashion show.

Actually, she is my mother and I'm her daughter in real life, too. Mom?

What?

Hey, Daria, what do you think?

Um, wouldn't that be more for you than for Jane?

That's a really good point.

I just don't see Jane in tie-dye.

You'd look good in that.

Um, oh... thanks.

Body piercing? Jane?

Haven't you always wanted to get pierced?

No. It just seems too much like getting tortured for the sake of some subculture's notion of beauty.

Now, the dryers.

We'll blast heat on your heads for 20 minutes or until you can't take it anymore.

Can't you just wrap a warm towel over my head?

I'll lower the temperature if I smell anything singeing.

How about we start on medium?

Not for me. Full blast, please.

Quinn!

I have really high pain tolerance for hair-care treatments.

Hey, Trent, just so you know, we're having a two-for-one special.

Hey, that's cool, Axl. 11 bucks each.

What do you say, Daria?

You can never have too many holes in your head.

Come on, Daria. Let's get the special.

I guess I could pierce my ears.

Ah, no can do.

Special's one hole, ears are two holes.

Full retail price applies.

That's too boring, anyway, Daria.

You gotta do something fun.

Fun?

You'd look nice with a lip ring.

Are you going to let him talk to me that way?

I know what would be cool.

Little silver hoop.

Yeah, okay. A navel ring works.

It's a start, at least.

I am not going to pierce my belly button.

It never did anything to me.

Daria, it would look really hot.

Hey, you are 18, aren't you?

I should've asked.

Is it a problem if I'm not?

Yeah. You'll need parental permission.

This establishment is licensed to serve adults only and operates strictly according to the letter of the law.

She is. Right.

My apprentice is out today.

I better go see who that is.

Hey, Axl, it's just me.

Hello, darling.

Axl, I need some more of that antiseptic stuff for my nose ring.

Oh, Trent!

Hey, Monique. How's it going?

Pretty good.

How are the Harpies?

I'm thinking of leaving, for real this time.

Start my own band.

You could do it, Monique.

You've got stage presence. No kidding.

I learned from the best, man.

Aw, stop it. Monique used to be in a band with me.

Oh, hey, Monique, this is Daria.

My kid sister's friend.

Hey, Daria.

Hi.

Daria's like the coolest high schooler I know.

That'll be good on me.

That's cute for me.

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Possible Mom. Me. Me.

Quinn, this just isn't working.

Helen?

Eric!

This is Jasmine, my niece.

I'm buying her a birthday present.

Hi.

Hello, Jasmine. Quinn, this is Eric, from work.

And Eric, Jasmine, this is Quinn.

She's going to be my daughter and I'm going to be her mother in a fashion show.

Actually, she is my daughter, and I was just trying to be a good parent... oh, my God, what have I done?

I like that skirt, Uncle Eric.

I mean... I'd like it on me.

Have I mentioned that I hate pain?

Now, this won't hurt.

It's no worse than popping a pimple.

I haven't done anything yet.

I was thinking about how much it hurts to pop a pimple.

I can't concentrate if you keep shaking.

I'll help you through this, Daria.

Here.

Uh... what's that?

That's my hand. Give me yours.

It's pretty clean, Daria.

No, I, um... sorry.

The best thing to do is not think about it.

Then it won't hurt.

It doesn't hurt.

What?

Daria?

Don't take out the ring for six months, or it'll close up and we'll have to pierce it again.

Don't get scared when the mucous starts pouring out.

Put some of this antiseptic stuff on, and take 50 milligrams a day of um, some metal or other... zinc, aluminum, I forget.

You did it?

I'm pierced?

Oh, no. The toilet is talking to me again.

Lane!

Talking toilet, you may call me "Jane."

Oh! It's you.

Did I just see what I think I saw?

I can't believe you had the nerve.

Neither can I. It was Trent's idea.

So you did go out with Trent.

Shopping for your birthday present... oops.

He wanted to surprise you.

And he go me a hole in your navel.

That is a surprise.

I don't know how it happened, but there we were and there he was, and there was this two-for-one special... oh, my God, what have I done?

Oh, dear, our little girl's becoming a woman.

Shut up.

Don't you get it, Daria?

You did something stupid for a guy.

Gee, you may join the human race after all.

I didn't do it for a guy.

I did it so Trent could get the special.

Oh, that's different.

Hey, what'd you end up getting me?

I can't say.

I hope it's art tools.

I need some new supplies.

I did do it for a guy, didn't I?

Oh, yeah.

It itches like hell, and I'm not showing anybody else.

Just keep your shirt tucked in. No one will know.

Hey, Jodie, check out Daria's navel ring.

Really? That's kind of cool.

It is?

Yeah. As long as you didn't just do it for some guy.

Right. That would be bad.

You didn't really do that!

Do what?

That!

Oh, this old thing?

I only wear it when I don't care how my navel looks.

Mmm... I get it.

You're trying to brighten your ho-hum life with a little illusion.

I've seen those fake rings, Daria.

So have I. They don't do this.

They don't itch like this, either.

Mom and Dad are gonna freak!

Do you think you should be upsetting mom or dad on the eve of your big competition?

It'll just be our little secret... sis.

You may be fashion forward but you itch like hell.

What are you doing here? School's not for an hour.

It's gone.

What's gone?

I'm not pierced anymore. It closed up.

You didn't take the ring out?

Just for the night. I couldn't stand the itching.

I've heard of fast healers but this is ridiculous.

Gee, maybe E.T. came in my room and touched my navel while I slept.

Boy, Daria, you have the weirdest dreams.

Don't tell Trent.

About E.T.?

About my belly button.

What does he care?

Just don't say anything when he wakes up, okay?

That won't happen for hours. Maybe days.

Hey, Daria.

Trent?

Late rehearsal?

Or early. Whatever.

So your piercing closed up?

It was an accident.

Yeah, that happens a lot.

And it doesn't make you a geek. Right?

Of course not.

I love Tiffany, I really do.

She's so smushy.

But isn't there something a little strange about her... mother?

She told the agency she wanted the prettiest model they had.

I guess it's okay.

I mean, look at Brittany.

There should've been a rule about stepmothers.

Quinn? We're next.

Remember, Mom, think cute.

Confident, up, totally...

Totally humiliating.

You still haven't told me what present Trent came up with.

Be patient. All will be revealed.

Hello. We're Mystik Spiral and I want to say happy birthday to my sister, Jane.

This for you, Jane.

Little sister, little sister you came into my life like a twister.

What can I get you that you haven't taken?

What can I get you that hasn't been k*lled by corruption and greed?

What can I get you that isn't tie-dyed or like what you already have, or plastic or not alive or so sad?

Does anybody know, does anybody know why we're here?

Does anybody know, does anybody know why we're here?

Does anybody know, does anybody know why we're here?

By the way, thanks for the cool art supplies.

Somebody had to do it.

All that work. All that preparation. Why? Why me?

Honey, it was just a little school fund-raiser.

You'll have other moments in the sun.

But none with you, Mom.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Nope. None with you. No freaking way.

Quinn, isn't there anything that would make you feel better?

Yes! Yes, there is.

We want to see your belly button, young lady, and we want to see it now.

What are you talking about?

Out with it!

Do you have a problem with innies?

Quinn, what's the matter with you?

Your sister's not pierced.

Why would you scare us like that?

But... but it was there yesterday!

Trying to brighten your ho-hum life with a little illusion?

Boy, I'm tired. Night, everybody.

She was pierced... pierced, I tell you!

Oh, the humanity...