02x05 - The Snorpion

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Andi Mack...

What is your problem?

You're the captain.

Is this how you treat your teammates?

You'll never know.

You are a genius.

You are the Stephen Hawking
of pressed powder.

You should really consider
doing this for a living.

I do.

I have feelings.

I'm sure you do,

I've just never seen them.

You just have to get to know me better.

Amber, she came over here
and just started... chatting.

Maybe she wants to be friends.

Why would she ever
want to be friends with me?

Maybe she likes you. Or maybe...

she still likes you.

Hold still!

It tickles!

I'm almost done.

Whoa!

I look horrible!

Huh.

You're a magician.

Thanks!

It's got to be worth at least a B+

on my Cuts, Bruises, and
Miscellaneous Wounds final.

Yeah.

And next up is?

Old Age Prosthetics.

Then Monsters and Martians

and about a thousand other things.

And that all leads to finishing
my Cinematic Makeup unit

for my cosmetology certification!

I'm so proud of you, Bex!

What happened?

Oh...

not cool.

Seriously?

Go, Buffy!

T.J.!

I'm right here, come on!

Over here! I'm wide open!

♪ Under my control ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh ♪

Come on!

Whoops.

Seriously?

Great job, Buffy!

Great dish!

That means "assist."

Cyrus, I'm not sure
your cheering's helping.

Maybe we should use my signs instead.

"Buffy dribbles in her sleep."

Yeah, definitely not that one.

Uh...

how about this one?

"You can't out-tuff the Buff!"

Better.

It was such a great game!

I've never had so much
fun watching sports.

I wasn't bored once.

You get bored watching the Space Otters?

No, of course not.

But there are some times

when you're trying to get
the Frisbee out of a tree

that I get a jump-start on my homework.

Cyrus, today was not a good game.

But you won.

That's why we all cheered
at the end, right?

Yeah,

but my whole team made sure
I didn't get to do anything.

But you made that amazing pass to T.J.

That wasn't a pass.

He stole the ball right out of my hands.

Oh.

You okay?

Yeah, I think it's just,
uh, baby tater withdrawal.

We gave Amber our order forever ago.

Well, it is really busy in here.

Don't defend her!

She's the worst waitress ever.

Okay, I'm gonna go see
what's taking so long.

Look, I just don't wanna come home
if you and Mom are fighting again.

I don't know, Dad,
I'll find somewhere to stay,

but I can't be around...

Whatever.

I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to eavesdrop.

What did you hear?

Nothing.

I'm so sorry your parents are fighting.

Yeah, well...

me, too.

Things haven't been super great
with them lately.

Your baby taters!

Here I am, talking about
my stupid problems,

and you're just here for your food.

- Let me...
- Yes, we're hungry,

but, if you wanna talk...

What are they talking about?

It's obviously not food.

And it's not really any of our business.

Oh, Jonah,

it's always our business.

Don't worry, I've been watching
videos on how to lip-read.

Let me take a cr*ck at this.

Peanuts and applesauce.

The angry rabbits spilled...

marbles on my trampoline.

Hey, I don't move the
lips, I just read 'em.

Here she comes.

So, what was all that about?

I think I just invited
Amber to sleep over.

- What?
- Whoa, I was way off.

Well, she's going through
a really hard time

and she needed someplace
to stay tonight.

You're a good person, Andi Mack.

You are a good person, Andi Mack.

You're also dumb.

You know you can't trust her.

She's trying to change.

She wants to be a better person.

She did seem different.

Andi, have you ever heard the story

of the frog and the scorpion?

No, but I bet I'm about to.

A scorpion asks a frog to carry
it across a river on its back.

"No way, you'll sting me,"
says the frog.

But the Scorpion promises not to.

So the frog agrees.

Then halfway across the river,

the scorpion stings the frog anyway,

and they both drown.

What's your point?

My point is...

once a scorpion,

always a scorpion.

I seem to remember in the last
story, Amber was a snake.

She is a snake.

And she's a scorpion.

She's a "snorpion."

You're here!

You're here?

Hi, Mrs. Mack. Thank you
so much for having me.

Please...

Mrs. Mack is my mother.

You can call me Ms. Mack.

And tell me what you're doing here.

Mom, Amber's spending the night.

I asked her to.

Seriously?

If this is a hostage situation,

blink twice.

- Mom!
- It's okay,

I get it.

Last time I saw you,
I wasn't in a very good place.

Being with Jonah made me a little,

well...

you saw.

I was mean.

But I'm not that person
anymore, I promise.

Mm-hmm.

Andy, have you ever heard the story

about the frog and the scorpion?

Okay,

we're going to my room now.

Do you ever do crafts?

Not really.

Wanna shop online?

I don't have any money.

Yeah.

Me neither.

So, what do you want to do?

♪ I just came to have a good time ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Now everybody, hands high ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪

♪ Feels good on cloud 9 ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪

♪ Now everything is here ♪

♪ Right here, right now ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh... ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ Shine like a star ♪

♪ 'Cause you know that you are ♪

♪ So come through... ♪

♪ Free mind, every time ♪

♪ I just came to have a good time ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪

♪ Now everybody, hands high... ♪

- Looking good.
- Looks good.

♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪

♪ Feels good on cloud 9... ♪

- Looks good, I think!
- ♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪

- ♪ Yeah, everything is here ♪
- There you go!

- All right.
- ♪ Right here, right now ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh... ♪

Oh, sorry. I should probably...

Yeah, totally. Go ahead.

Oh, no. Amber's
started the cloning process.

It's just a wig, obviously.

Those are the wigs from your party!

You're letting her play with
the stuff from your party!

She lost her chance to do that,

when she ruined your party.

Guys, be cool. We're having a good time.

Prove it.

See?

Tell her she can't pull off the Andi.

That's your signature look.

And tell her, if she tries anything...

Okay, thank you. Bye.

You heard?

Your room isn't exactly huge,

and your friends aren't exactly subtle.

Yeah.

But I did mean what I said.

I am actually having a good time.

Me too, actually.

My dad lost his job.

That's why they're fighting, and
why I'm working at 'The Spoon'.

Oh...

wow.

That sounds really hard.

It's not great.

Amber, I don't even know what to say.

You already said it.

You invited me here.

Whatever. I'm being a downer.

Let's not talk about it anymore.

Okay. So, what do you want to do next?

Uh, I think there's
a laser pointer in there

that the Wadman's cat seems to love.

Wanna do something really fun?

I don't think we're supposed to be here.

Duh! That's what makes it an adventure.

Live a little!

Are we gonna get in trouble?

No, I do this all the time.

Whoa!

Wanna ride the ferris wheel?

I'm gonna say one more time
that I don't think we should.

And then I'm gonna get on!

This is awesome!

Right?

There you go!
The best view in Shadyside.

Thank you so much for bringing me here.

No prob.

Is that my phone?

Amber?

Can I come down now?

No.

No?

Not until you apologize
for stealing Jonah.

What? I-I didn't steal Jonah.

Yes, you did! And I want to
hear you say "I'm sorry."

Amber?

It's the police. Let me down!

Amber, come back!

Amber!

You!

You... snorpion!

Amber, come back!

Amber!

Well, that was fun. Just
exactly what I wanted

on my Saturday night...

at the police station.

You always say you think
I'm too well-behaved.

Well, there's a line,

and it's right before police station.

- It wasn't even my idea.
- Even worse.

If I ever have to pick
you up from jail again,

it better be because
you took some initiative.

- It wasn't jail.
- The point is, it wasn't your bed.

You can't honestly be mad.

You and Bowie used to
sneak out all the time.

You really wanna make that argument?

No.

So, should I be deciding my punishment?

No! I'm the mother here. I'll
be deciding your punishment.

Any ideas?

Of course I have ideas. I'm the father.

Should I go to my room
and think about what I've done?

Fine.

It just seems so unoriginal.

Her first time sneaking out.

I'm a swirl of terrified and proud.

She did manage to get by you.

The apprentice has now
become the master.

I don't know about master.

I sleep like a log... in a coma.

Is it bad that the thing
I'm most upset about

is that she didn't invite me along?

Not at all.

Of course it is.

That's not something
a good parents says.

I'm a terrible mom.

Hey. You're a great mom.

You're just not a very typical one.

Thank you for being here.

I told you I would be.

We're a team, remember?

Right. Team Andi.

Mm-hmm.

Well...

I definitely still owe you for being
my makeup model the other day.

- Yes you do.
- Are you hungry?

Starving.

How about chocolate chip pancakes?

Sounds great.

You need me to make them, don't you?

Only if you want them to taste good.

Told you. The Ultimate field
always smells like f...

It's T.J.

I see him.

Wow. He looks a lot meaner outside.

I'm gonna go over there and talk to him.

You mean, yell at him?

You can't just go over
there and yell at him.

Well, I can't yell at him from here.

Is there a plan that
doesn't involve yelling?

- Nope.
- I have one. I have one.

Delicately open a friendly dialogue.

Or something in between. You do you.

Just don't do the you
that you usually do.

Are you saying I should be nice?

Yes! At least... open with it.

Okay. But if that doesn't work,

there will be yelling.

Hey.

Hey.

Look, normally,
I would bite your head off,

but I'm trying this new
thing today where I don't.

Okay...

I know it can be tough to be a leader.

You want what's best
for the team, and I do, too.

So, I can help, if you let me.

What can I do to make things
better between us?

- Quit.
- Quit?

- Go play on a girls' team.
- There is no girls' team.

- That's not my problem.
- Listen!

So, that went well.

Cyrus, read my lips.

Stop lip-reading!

What can I get y...

Oh, my gosh! What happened?

What happened? You happened.

After you ran off,

I tried to climb down the ferris wheel.

- And...
- It didn't go well.

Andi, I am so sorry!

I really was having
a good time with you.

And then Jonah called.

I don't know what I was thinking.

And then the police came and I panicked.

I almost came back and got you, I swear.

Listen to that.
She almost had a conscience.

What can I do? Anything. Name it.

Anything?

A free milkshake? A free lunch?

Free baby taters for life.

Actually,

I think all I need
are a few more napkins

to clean off all of this makeup.

It's not real?

Her mom's gonna be a
professional makeup artist.

Who was happy to help us fool

a professional scam artist.

Andi! What happened?

Are you okay?

Yup. I'm fine.

- This is good ice cream.
- Really good. Yeah.

- So, she bought it?
- She totally bought it.

I am so proud of myself.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Does yours taste okay?

- Yeah. Yours doesn't?
- It just smells...

- weird.
- What?

Oh! I fell for it again.

Fifteen years of this.

Oh, wait.

Uh, mine smells funny, too.

Oh, great. How stupid do you think I am?

Stupid enough to fall for the decoy!

Oh! Looks like revenge
is a dish that's too slow.

Get back here!

No!

Next, on Andi Mack...

Should Jonah and I
be holding hands by now?

Perhaps you suffer from hyperhidrosis.

Sweaty palms?

So, if I'm holding Jonah's hand...

it can just happen?

Andi, please step over
to the table marked "A."

Jonah, the "B" table.
Stay with your group.

This is wrong.

Why is their group
getting special treatment?

- Cookies!
- You won't be able to get any.

- They're going straight to Group A.
- Hi, we're from Group A.