02x13 - Cyrus' Bash-Mitzvah!

[bunniefuu]

Previously, on Andi Mack...

I don't like labels.

They're too... label-y.

So to sum up, you don't
want the bracelet

that you asked me to make for you.

Right.

And we're not boyfriend and girlfriend.

Right! See? That's why you're the best.

- You totally get it.
- Glad we got that cleared up.

- Are you seeing someone?
- What gave you that idea?

- I just need a name!
- This plant doctor, Miranda.

It wasn't that Bowie
didn't want me to meet Miranda.

He didn't want me to meet Miranda

and her daughter.

Hey, Cyrus! What's that?

Hebrew. I'm studying for my bar mitzvah.

You should've gotten a save-the-date.

I did. I'm saving it.

Bar mitzvah, red alert!

- What's wrong?
- I have so many relatives coming in,

I have to recast the whole production.

We're here for you, whatever you need.

Red leather, yellow leather,
red leather, yellow leather.

Eleven benevolent elephants.
Eleven benevolent elephants.

Toy boat! Toy boat!

What is he doing?

I'm doing vocal warm-ups. I'm
about to read from the Torah.

I don't want to mess it up!

Ch! Ch! Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch!

- Jonah, hey.
- Hi.

He can't even sit next to me.

Oh, that didn't mean anything.

You okay?

Who am I today?

Who will I turn out to be?

I don't know yet.

All I really know is
that I have people in my life

who love me as I am, whatever that is.

It keeps changing.

But today, I am a man.

Tomorrow, I'll be a seventh-grader.

So, what am I supposed to say to Cyrus?
"Matzah Tov"?

Mazel Tov.

- What did I say?
- Just say congratulations.

Are you gonna be like this
at Cyrus's party?

Probably.

Even though there's going
to be a chocolate fountain?

Yeah, because there's
also going to be a Jonah Beck.

Okay. Here's what you do.

You want to act as if he isn't there.

But he is there.

You're missing the important part
of that sentence: "act as if."

Think of it like I'm giving
you an acting challenge.

Pretend you're Anne Hathaway.

- Not Anne Hathaway.
- Why not Anne Hathaway?

She's too talented.

This is my first acting challenge.

This party we're going
to, it isn't real.

It's actually a play.

And you're the star.

Andi Mack is,
"Girl Who is Totally Over Him."

Yeah, I see myself
more in the supporting role

of "Girl Sobbing in the Bathroom Stall".

Hey, listen. "Act as if" really works.

I know from personal experience.

When have you ever had to "act as if"?

Lots of times. In fact, I plan to do it

today, when I see Bowie at the party.

I plan to "act as if" I don't know

he's dating the doctor of plantology.

Don't know or don't care?

I don't care.

Aha. You're already acting "as if."

You do care.

Hey, who wants challah?

Bex!

Wow!

What?

If we would've gone to prom,

it probably would've looked like this.

Yeah!

It... probably...

Guess what? You're no
Anne Hathaway, either.

- Aah! Okay.
- We need you.

Whoa!

This is my father, Norman!

And this is my stepfather, Todd.

Your mom definitely has a type.

- You're both therapists, right?
- He's a therapist, I'm a doctor.

- I'm a life coach.
- I'm still a doctor.

Higher! And to the left!

When in Rome...

Whoa.

- How long do we do this?
- Forever?

I'll find her.

Buffy! Hey!

Why are you here?

I was invited.

I should've told you
this was a tutoring session.

- Then you wouldn't be here.
- Ha.

I just want to say I'm happy for you.

About your mom coming home.

Thanks.

- Listen, I know you hate me.
- No, I don't.

I'd hate me if I were you.

I don't hate you, TJ.

As far as I'm concerned,
you don't even exist.

Hey, Cyrus!

Help me get rid of them?

- Have you met my parents?
- Yes.

Have you met all my parents?

Oh. No.

- I gotta go meet his parents.
- Aw.

- Thank you.
- Happy to oblige.

How you doing, by the way?

Good. Why?

You know, this thing with Andi?

What thing with Andi?

You guys broke up.

No, we didn't.

She thinks you did.

All I said was that I'm not into labels.

- Labels?
- You know, boyfriend, girlfriend?

Once you start using them, you end
up in conversations like this.

And I don't enjoy
conversations like this.

I'd much rather be over there.
What is that?

Bungee racetrack.

That, I'd much rather be doing that.

Aha! There you are.

I have news.

I've just spoken to Jonah,
and according to him,

you two have not broken up.

Oh, really.

Then where is he?

He isn't looking for me.

He can't even sit next to me.

He's probably in there
talking to some other girl.

Is he?

Um...

You know... this isn't your problem.

You should be at your bar mitzvah party.

And you should be in there, too.

And so should you.

I can't be in the same room
as him right now.

- I know how you feel.
- No, you don't.

But be grateful, because... it's severe.

You're wondering
if he even knows you're there...

or cares.

Yes!

I know exactly how you feel.

Cyrus?

She's my best friend.

I want her to know she's not alone.

What do you mean I'm not alone?

Andi... you're not the
only one who likes Jonah.

I like him, too.

She's not getting it.

Okay, now she's getting it.

Cyrus!

Hi.

Did you know?

He's so frustrating, isn't he?

I spend way too much time trying to

deconstruct his facial expressions.

Yeah, all two of them.

Is it weird that I feel a lot better?

BUFFY, CYRUS: Just another
service we provide.

Thank you! Thank you for joining us.

Hello. I welcome you on behalf of
myself, Cyrus's father Norman,

and his wife, Sharon,
and my husband, Todd.

It's a kvell-a-thon up in here!

Woo!

Yeah!

Cyrus isn't the only one here
with four parents, right?

Our son began his journey
into adulthood.

Today, he became a man.

Come here! Come, my "wittle" cookie pie!

Oh!

We are so proud of
you, Cyrus, all of us.

And some of your friends have
even prepared a special tribute.

A tribute? What kind of tribute?

- ♪ Work, work, work, work ♪
- ♪ Uh! ♪

- ♪ Work, work, work, work ♪
- ♪ Uh! ♪

- ♪ Work, work, work, work ♪
- ♪ Uh! ♪

- ♪ Work, work, work, work ♪
- ♪ Uh! ♪

- ♪ Work, work, work, work ♪
- ♪ Uh! ♪

- ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ Work, work work, work ♪

♪ Wanna roll how I roll
better go and put in work ♪

♪ But I look so fresh
every time I put in work ♪

♪ And I know I win
every time I put in work ♪

♪ I can smell that dough
every time I put in work ♪

♪ Every time I, every
time I put in work ♪

♪ I put in ♪

♪ Work ♪

- ♪ I put in ♪
- ♪ Work ♪

♪ Work ♪

- ♪ I put in ♪
- ♪ Work ♪

♪ Work ♪

♪ I put in ♪

Cyrus Goodman, please join us.

Are you joking? No way.

Looks like we have to go get him.

No, you guys, that's a bad idea.

No. Okay, seriously, you guys.

I can't do this.

Or can I?

♪ Work, work, work, work,
yeah, work, work, work ♪

- ♪ I put in ♪
- ♪ Work ♪

♪ Work, work, work, work, work, work ♪

Woo! All right!

- ♪ Work ♪
- ♪ I put in ♪

♪ Work, work, work, work ♪

♪ Work, work work, work, work ♪

Woo!

Woo!

♪ Uh, uh! I put in work! ♪

Woo!

- Where are we going?
- Here.

Caricatures?

Yes. I want one.

Caricatures are the literal worst.

- No offense.
- It's fine.

Hold up! I want in on this.

Uh... Next one, okay?
I just want one with Andi.

Come on, family portrait.

To add to your collection?

Collection? Collection of what?

I'm kidding. Can't you
tell when I'm kidding?

Yes, I can.

Did I do something?

I don't like that you can't talk to me.

We saw you at mini-golf.

When?

How often do you go to mini-golf?

You saw me there with Miranda.

And her daughter.

It's nice she got to meet you.

It was Miranda's idea.

I guess that means she thinks
you two are serious.

Are you?

He can't answer the question.

Which answers the question.

The only thing that
could make this moment any worse

is a caricature of it.

You're so right.

I... I don't know what to say.

I'm sorry.

Me too.

Guys, guys, guys!

I want to do that. Can we do that?

Please?

- It's...
- My bar mitzvah!

You don't have to keep reminding us.

Write a single yes-or-no
question on your card.

When you have finished,
turn over your card,

and place your hands on top of it.

- Can I get another card?
- No.

This is my bar mitzvah.

I love having this power.

Hold your card over your heart.

- Yes.
- Yes?

Yes!

What was your question?

Will I get into an Ivy League college.

And the answer's yes!

- But...
- But?

You said ask a single
yes-or-no question.

But you will not graduate from one.

What? Why not? What happens?

- Does that include graduate school?
- Shh.

Hold your card to your heart.

Yes!

What'd you ask?

Will I ever have a real boyfriend?

I could've answered that.

And it will be soon.

- How soon?
- Sooner than you think.

Your bonus material's
so much better than mine.

Hold the card to your heart.

No.

"Is my mom home for good?"

Oh, no. Buffy...

- I'm sorry.
- But neither are you.

What does that mean?

Where am I going?

This session is over.

Wait, wait, wait.
Can you at least tell me

which Ivy League college I get into?

You must go, now.

Excuse me, it's...

My bar mitzvah.

What was that? She's not real.

- Is she?
- No, of course not.

She's rented, just like the photo
booth, and the karaoke machine.

She seemed pretty real, though.

But didn't you notice, how
when you're holding your card,

she just says yes or no?

Which she probably does at random.

And then after, once you've
read out your question,

that's when she goes,
"Oh, by the way, P.S."

Yes, Cyrus! That's exactly what she did.

Yeah, yeah. I guess.

You're right.

Her material was a little bit
edgy for a bar mitzvah crowd.

I might say something
to the party planner.

I think your fortune's
about to come true, though.

Look at Jonah.

I have been trying all day not to.

Trust me, you're gonna want to.

Jonah's going to be my real boyfriend?

He doesn't even want to say the word.

Give him a chance.

While we make like the wind and blow.

Hey!

Hi.

I... know you don't like caricatures,

so I drew this for you.

Thank you.

- I'm Walker.
- Andi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

It's beautiful.

It's not much, but I'm
really glad you like it.

I love it.

So I guess you're a real artist, then.

Yeah.

What else do you draw?

Let me show you! Come on.

♪ Oh, when the walls come down ♪

♪ And the light is almost gone ♪

♪ As we come undone ♪

Hey! Who's that guy dancing with Andi?

Oh, that's, uh... no idea.

Do you know who that is?

No. Who is he?

I'm asking you.

Oh, is he famous?

I've seen him before.

Probably at this party.

♪ Shake it up ♪

He's jealous.

For the first time ever, probably.

Welcome to the world
of normal human emotions.

Did you ever think this was possible?

What?

That Andi would be
breaking Jonah's heart?

Our little girl's growing up.

♪ Come on, shake it up ♪

♪ Oh, can it be you're here with me? ♪

Are you talking to me?

I thought you weren't talking to me.

♪ Let's take this road Oh,
this winding, winding road ♪

What about dancing?

Are we cleared for dancing?

It is our prom night.

♪ You got me runnin' in circles ♪

♪ I don't ever wanna slow down ♪

♪ Let's just keep
spinnin', spinnin', spinnin' ♪

♪ Just keep goin' around, goin' around ♪

♪ You got me runnin' in circles ♪

♪ I can't keep both feet on the ground ♪

♪ Let's just keep
spinnin', spinnin', spinnin' ♪

♪ Just keep goin' around, goin' around ♪

What? Why'd you laugh?

I just flashed back to high school,

when you had that rash,
because you never took off

your puka shell necklace?

You told me that made me
look like a surfer dude.

Yeah, you did, from the neck up.

I like that you still tease me.

♪ And I haven't felt
Oh, I haven't felt ♪

♪ Mm, haven't felt like this
for a long, long time ♪

Can you still see me?

Even though you think I don't exist?

Yes, unfortunately.

Good. Because I have a question,

and you are literally the only
person in the world I can ask it to.

What is it?

I'm dying to hear this question.

Have you been to see the fortune teller?

And that's not the question.

- Yes.
- What do you think?

Is... she the real deal or no?

Is that the question?

I'll let you know
when I get to the question.

Are we close?

What did you ask
Madame Le What's-Her-Face?

I'm not telling you that.

Fine.

Just tell me if she was right.

I hope not.

But you don't know for sure.

Okay. Here's what I asked her:

"Do I have a learning disability?"

What'd she say?

She said yes.

Then, she said,
let your friend help you.

Yeah, she... she throws in
a little extra

once she knows what your question is.

She didn't know.

I never told her.

Maybe she saw it
when you turned over the card?

You're the only person
who's seen this card.

Okay, now you have to tell me
what you asked her.

No, I don't.

But you do think she's real?

How many times do I have to tell you?

I don't know!

♪ The things you say, the things we do ♪

Vogue!

Baby!

Salad fork!

Superhero!

Mug sh*t!

Magician!

- Cow.
- Cow?

Moo!

What's wrong with cow?

Nothing, I just didn't see it coming.

Ninja cow.

Oh, hey there, Jonah.

- Jonah?
- Are you looking for someone?

- No.
- Well, I am.

I seem to have lost
my caricature artist.

And I have a number of people

who want a comically exaggerated
portrait of themselves.

Uh, I'd better go.

I'm right here, Dr. Goodman, hi.

I'm so sorry. This party's
just too much fun.

It is, isn't it?

Your pictures are ready.

Hi.

- Andi...
- Let me just grab this.

What's up?

There's something I need to tell you.

I know you think we broke up.

We kind of did. Didn't we?

Well, I never said those words.

Maybe we didn't break up because
we were never really together.

Well, like I said...

I know. I know, you don't like labels.

I get it now.

- You do?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I... I think I really do.

I mean, I was hurt at first,

when you didn't want
to wear the bracelet.

You know what? It's a great bracelet.

I can wear it sometimes?

Actually, you can't.

I... threw it away.

What? You threw away my bracelet?

Well, you said you didn't
want it anymore.

And I didn't want it laying around

reminding me that you didn't want it.

I guess I could've given it
to Amber, she always liked it.

Or did she?

It doesn't matter.

I'm free.

Are... Are we still
talking about the bracelet?

Jonah, I was obsessed with you.

But that feeling... it's gone.

It's just, like... evaporated.

Aren't you so relieved?

I didn't mind it.

Really?

Me asking you three times
if you were mad at me.

Me chasing after you to go
to the Grease singalong.

Me saying "Dimples" anytime
you asked me a question.

I liked all those things.

- You did?
- Yeah.

Well, I didn't.

Cyrus... he needs me.

- It is...
- His bar mitzvah.

So, we're good?

Yeah, sure.

Baby taters at The Spoon this week?

- It's a date!
- No, it isn't.

Oh! Yeah, right. We don't use that word.

- What's going on?
- She's calling her mom.

- Because of the fortune-teller?
- She's scared.

Please don't be
true, please don't be true.

Please, please, please...

don't be true.

Here it goes.

It's ringing.

It's going to be okay.

Hold my hand?

Hi, Mommy.

Oh... No, everything's fine.

I just called to ask you a question.

Do you know when you're going back?

Or have you already been deployed?

No?

What?

Is that definite?

Yes, Mommy! I love you!

I'm so glad I called you.

It's the craziest story.

I'll make sure
to tell it when I get home.

Love you.

She's not going overseas
for at least two years!

- That's fantastic!
- I'm so happy for you!

Boom! Boosh! Doo-wah!

What's wrong?

I need to have a word
with that fortune-teller.

You do that. You go give
that phony fortune-teller

a piece of Buffy Driscoll's mind!

We don't have to... She can
handle this herself, right?

- I don't like confrontation!
- Come on!

- You really scared me.
- You shouldn't be allowed to do this.

Do what?

Make up fortunes, pretend
you can see the future.

You're right. I should not do that.

I asked you if my mother
was home for good.

You said "no."

My mother is in the m*llitary.

- I know.
- Of course you know, she just told you.

This is the first time
I've seen my mom in a year.

She was overseas.
She couldn't even tell me where.

Weeks would go by where
I didn't hear from her.

What you did was cruel.

Telling me she was gonna
be deployed again?

I did not say that.

I asked you if she was home
for good, and you said "no."

I also said neither are you.

Which makes no sense whatsoever.

Right?

Back me up here.

Unless...

you're moving.

That does happen a lot
in the m*llitary, right?

Is that what you meant?

Am I moving?

Don't ask me. Ask someone you believe.

Yeah.

I guess that's what I need to do.

I'd give anything for you to be wrong.

Me too, sweetheart.

I'm sorry.

You need to go home.

We'll get through this.

We always do.

Look at you go!

Where's Dad? He should be seeing this.

He's with Todd.

Todd? You mean one of Cyrus's
shrinks-slash-parents?

Todd is not a shrink, he's a life coach.

And he's got his hooks in your father.

He's been counseling him
since "Hava Nagila."

- You're on a roll!
- -Dad doesn't need a life coach.

I know, right?
He's already got one! Hello!

- Keep going!
- Hello!

Help!

- Jonah!
- Help!

Help!

Hey!

- You okay?
- No.

- Okay, I'm gonna go get some help.
- Don't leave!

No, I'll be right back!

Drink.

I thought I was dying.

You've had a panic att*ck.

Did something upset you
or make you anxious?

Yeah, kind of.

You want to talk about it?

You can, you know.
Doctor-patient confidentiality.

Well, panic att*cks can be very scary,

but the symptoms are temporary.

- Remember that if it happens again.
- It's going to happen again?

It might. I treat kids younger
than you who have them every day.

I can't go through that every day.

I'm sorry, I... I didn't
mean to suggest you would.

Let... Let me get Cyrus.
He can translate for me.

No! Don't get Cyrus. I don't
want him to know about this.

- Or Andi or Buffy.
- Your friends aren't going to think

any differently about you.

Yeah. They will.
I think differently about me.

But they care about you.

They can help you if you let them.

I'd rather just go home.

Thank you for the party.
It was really fun.

Except for the part
where I thought I was dying.

All right.

♪ I'm not trading the life
to be lonely tonight ♪

♪ But I genuinely feel we should be ♪

So your dad asked me if I could
recommend a good ashram.

Ooh, pass me that chocolate mousse.

Oh, no. He spent the whole
party talking to a life coach,

and now he's asking about ashrams?

What's wrong with an ashram?

They can be great.

As long as you don't get stuck
in a room next to a gong.

Hmm.

Is, uh, Andi around?

Somewhere.

I want to talk to you guys...

about...

- Miranda?
- Yeah.

But I guess now's not the best time.

You can talk to me.

I have this speech
about us being a family,

and how you're the most important
people in the world to me.

It's... it's really mushy.

I'd like to hear it.

You wrote it down?

I can't if you're gonna make comments...

I... I wo... I'm sorry.

No, I already feel stupid.

Please? Bowie?

We know we're your family.

We know we matter to you...

but... we still need you to remind us.

This... whole first part is to Andi.

That's okay.

Andi, let me tell you what it was like

the first time I saw your face.

You read it.

But wait until I leave, okay?

♪ Hard to take a chance,
hard to take a chance ♪

♪ But I love you
and so happy I would be ♪

♪ If you would say those words ♪

♪ Say those words ♪

♪ Say those words to me ♪

- ♪ Just say you love me ♪
- ♪ Oh, honey, won't you say ♪

♪ Just say you love me ♪

Hey!

I wanted you to see these.

I love them.

Me too. Cow's my favorite.

I definitely want to keep that one.

You can keep them all.

Right. Thank you.

Souvenir.

But... do you think
I could keep that one?

The drawing of me that you gave me?

Yeah, um, it probably
sounds kind of stupid,

but I just want to remember
the moment I met you.

You don't have to wear this...

Every day!

Cyrus, you never told me
that your bar mitzvah

was gonna be this amazing.

Yes, I did, many times.

"There are only two
things I need in this life:

"the universe, and you.

"And I could live without the universe.

But I could not live without you."

I'm gonna call him and ask
him to come over right now.

Please don't. I consumed
an entire dessert table.

My body is very angry. It
refuses to think or move.

I have an idea.

"Act as if" you didn't eat anything.

Please see me tomorrow
for my snappy comeback.

Who is it? They can't come in.

It's Jonah.

Throw a blanket over me
and pretend I'm laundry.

Hi.

Hi.

- Hi, Bex.
- That's... my laundry.

Hi, Jonah.

It talks.

I know it's late.
But something happened today

I have to tell you about.

Okay.

What is it?

I made a mistake.

Andi, I want us to be together.

I... I know what I said.

But please, can you forget
I ever said it?

I want you to be my girlfriend.

And I want to be your boyfriend.

I want us to be a couple.

What do you think?

Um...

Um?

Next, on Andi Mack...

Andi and her friends
stopped coming to The Spoon,

because they were afraid I might
sit down and talk to them.

That didn't happen.

I don't want to be the mean girl!

I think I might be able to fix that.

- I just want to get this...
- Let me help you!

Aah...

I'm moving.

There must be something we can do.

I got it!

Oh my gosh!

I can't believe it took me
this long to think of this!

I just went into the Fringe to get

something that made me think of you.

Some people just aren't good
at giving presents.

That was the wrong present
but this is the right one.

You got me another present.

- Open it.
- Right now?