05x14 - Back In Annoyance

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Daria". Aired: March 3, 1997 - January 21, 2002.
Adult animated series about Daria who goes through teenage life as a proud outsider in a world of mainly idiotic adolescents and condescending adults.
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05x14 - Back In Annoyance

Post by bunniefuu »

I must say I'm honored you've chosen to
spend your valuable Saturday night with

me. What happened? Tom's parents send
him off for more forty-watt bulbs?

I was just craving a bit of sisterhood,
so long as it doesn't involve my actual

sister. What'd you do today?

I actually accomplished something... I
mean, other than getting up. I applied to

Lawndale State and State University.

Really? Why? I thought you wanted
to go to Boston Fine Arts College?

I do want to go to BFAC, but unlike
Lawndale State and State U, you have to have

talent to get in. So they give you extra
time to put together a k*ller art portfolio.

How's that going?

Why, it's going so well that when you
called to go out, I only cried tears of

relief for ten minutes. What about
you? Still thinking about... Bromwell?

They don't really talk like that there...
I hope. Anyway, I'm applying because

it's an outstanding university, not
because the students engage in the rectal

transport of steel rods.

The Equestrian Club
must be in constant pain.

What about your safeties?

I've applied to Raft, Ellis, Lloyd...

Raft's your safety?
Gutsy, Morgendorffer.

No, no, no. Raft's my second choice. My
parents won't think I've sent out enough

applications if I only get
rejected from one place.

Hey, Raft's in Boston, right? Wouldn't
it be great if we went to college in the

same town? We could meet on the
weekends to eat pizza and complain.

Well, they say college is all
about broadening your horizons.

Gaaaah! Six hundred dollars for
shoes? That you walk in? On the ground?

Relax, Jake. I'll take care of it.
Quinn! I want you to come downstairs and

explain yourself!

Finally, the mystery will be solved.

Sandi, I'm just saying tangerine
isn't as orange as... call you back.

Sorry, Fashion Club crisis.

Never mind. What's this six
hundred dollar charge at Cashman's?

But Mom, I actually saved money by buying
faux alligator instead of real alligator.

Well, you can also save your
excuses. The shoes are going back.

But I can't return them. Final markdown.
However, if it makes you feel better,

I promise never to buy on sale again.

You're not buying anything,
period, until you pay off this bill.

I understand. I shall require a
substantial increase in my allowance.


But you know I don't have any money.
It's why I have to buy on credit. Let's

work together, Mother, and
att*ck the problem at its source.

Good idea. You'll have
to go out and get a job.

Uh! Water.

Hope she doesn't get any on the shoes.


Sit down, Jake. She's not wearing them.

Shouldn't you be working on
your college applications?

Hey, yeah! You know, Daria, I'd be happy
to give your application to Middleton a

quick going over. I think I know a thing
or two about what they like at the old

alma mater.

Ummm, gee, thanks. Yes... I... uh,
you're right. I should be working on my

applications. Right now.

You know, Jake, just because we went to
Middleton doesn't mean Daria will. She's

applying to a lot of different places.

Oh, sure. But why would she want to go
to just any old college when she could

follow in our footsteps? Middleton's
a Morgendorffer tradition.

So's military school.

Bite your tongue, Helen. No daughter
of mine is ever going to share a latrine

with fifty hateful boys who can sniff
out weakness like day-old cheese.

Let's hope not, dear.

Everyone hates the message board miscreant,
but now you can do something about it!

Flame wars: the next generation,
tonight on Sick, Sad World!

Finish your college applications yet?

All except Bromwell's. Mom and Dad want
to want to review the alumni section to

make sure I didn't leave anyone out.

That shouldn't take
more than a week or two.

Did you ask about going up to
Newtown to visit Bromwell with me?

It's cool with my mother as long as your
mother's definitely chaperoning and we

can drive up to Boston afterwards to
check out a couple of other colleges.

That's the plan. Boston's
where all my safeties are.

Umm, mine, too.

Hey, don't worry, Daria. You'll get
into Bromwell with your incredible test

scores and grades. I'll get in the old
fashioned way: bribery and nepotism.

Gee, when you put it that way,
it all sounds so fair and just.

Guys, it is so nice of you
to take me out on my birthday.

Our pleasure, Stacy.

Just because the rest of us
had dates on our birthdays...

Oh, yes, Sandi. You mentioned that. Boy,
I can't believe I'm another year older.

Time goes by so fast.

I know. Just yesterday I was playing
with makeup starter kits, and today I'm

being forced out in the working world.
And I thought these were supposed to be

the carefree years.

I know, Quinn. Why don't you get a job
here? There are lots of cute guys, and

the hostesses get to dress
up and wear hoopy earrings.

Stacy! Are you suggesting that a
Fashion Club member serve the public?

Stacy, tsk.

Uh, geez, Sandi, it's not that bad an
idea. This place is sort of fun, and it

wouldn't be like the kind of job where
you'd endanger your nails or anything.

Mmmm... good point.

Fine, if you want to
sully the fine name...


Make a wish, Stacy!

And don't worry. I'm sure that chocolate
won't cause your sensitive skin to

break out.


Thanks, guys.

What'd you wish for?

Ummm; nothing.

Come on, Stacy. Tell us! Don't
be your usual drippy self.

Nothing. Anyway, it didn't come true.

How did your father's
meeting at the bank go?

Not good. My Dad says I can't go to Vance
unless they give me a scholarship. We

can only afford State University, and
they don't even have a business school.

Oh, Mack. You've worked so hard.
You've just got to get that scholarship.

What about you? How are
your applications going?

Well, I got the big ones in
today. Turner and Crestmore.

Crestmore... the dream of dreams.


What's wrong?

It's a top school and everything,
but I'd really rather go to Turner.

Your father's alma
mater? He must love that.

He doesn't know I applied.


Because he wouldn't let me go anyway.
He says not even a great African-American

college like Turner can b*at
the Crestmore name on a resume.

Oh, man. That sucks.

You know, my grandmother was in the
first Turner graduating class to admit

women. I'd be carrying on a tradition.
Plus, I'd finally get a break from having

to be the perfect Jodie doll
at a mostly-white school.

I hear that.

I wish my father did. I can always transfer
to Crestmore after a year or two. At

least, I'd find what Turner's
like. But his mind's made up.

Well, Crestmore hasn't accepted you yet.

Hey, maybe we should both go to State
University. Then we wouldn't have to worry

about how to get together on weekends.

Hi, Jodie. Hi, Mack. You know, I applied
to State University, too. They've one

of the best cheerleading
squads in the country.

God help me!

Ummm, that's nice, Brittany. Kevin,
do you know where you're going?

It's a secret, man.

Why? Is the school embarrassed?

Why would it be embarrassed? I'm a QB.
It's not like I'm a brain or anything.

Truer words were never spoken.

Thanks, man!

Tsk, tsk. Oh, Kevin. Well, maybe you'll
find a job that doesn't require the

ability to read and write.

I'm so depressed!


Do you know what today is? D-Day,
the fifth anniversary of my D-vorce.

Janet, I'm sorry.

You're sorry? You didn't spend years of
your life telling him again and again to

get his grubby hands off of the remote,
quit his damned coughing, stop behaving

like an imbecile, only to be tossed
into the trash like a broken record!

Um, Janet! I can certainly
understand your, um, sadness.

Why, marriage is a sacred union that's
supposed to represent the love and trust

two people...

Skinny, what did you say?

Marriage is a sacred union that...


Euh... yes?

I accept!

Um, hmmm, huh?

My silly, silly Skinny. You don't have
to ask again. Yes, I will marry you!

Oh, dear!

Daria, the Sloanes are here.

Hey, is Middleton is on this
whirlwind college tour of yours, kiddo?

Umm, not this trip.

Oh, um, Daria, you know, some people
just aren't cut out for military school.

I know, Dad, but I think it's admirable
the way you've managed to pull your life

together despite that early trauma.

Hey, thanks kiddo. I... What?

Now Daria, when you meet the college
representatives, please try to be enthusiastic!

Less unenthusiastic...?

At least promise me you won't
physically as*ault anyone.

Lindy, this is Quinn. I just
hired her to be our new hostess.

Great! I can really use the help.
Have you done hostessing before?

Actually, um, this is my first job.

Really? Are you still in high school?

Umm, yeah. Although, people
say I dress like I'm older.

Well, this isn't all that different from
high school, except instead of telling

teachers your homework isn't ready,
you're telling customers their table isn't

ready. And they can't take a
single point off your grade.

Tom, if I'd known you were going to wear
those scuffed-up sneakers, I would have

bought you new ones.

But I just got new ones a year ago.

That's exactly what your father would
say. You two are so stuck in your ways.

We're stuck in our ways? Two sugars, a
tiny slice of lemon would be dreamy, just

place it on the saucer, dear,
I don't like it in the cup.

I can't help if I'm particular
about my tea. Oh, look. We're here!

Boy, did I do well tonight. A lot of
the guys trying to distract their dates

from their toupees by leaving big tips.

Hmm. Must be first dates.

Really? Why?

Well, not that I date inconsistent tippers,
but some of my friends say that guys

tip twenty percent on the first date,
seventeen on the second, and fifteen on

the third. Although to be fair, a lot
of people order more food on the third

date because they're not as
worried about looking like pigs.

Quinn, you're a riot.

I know!

Hey, I don't know if you guys are
interested, but my roommate and I are having a

party on Saturday.

Sounds cool.

I'd love to go!

Great. Let me write down my address.

You call that a tax cut? I've
seen haircuts more drastic.

Um, Dad? Could I talk to you a second?

Sure! What's on your mind?

Well, I've been thinking a lot about
Crestmore, and a lot about Turner.

Turner's a great school. Not nearly
as elite as Crestmore, though.

That's just it. I don't want
to go to an elitist school.

Sure you do.

I want to go to a school where I fit
in, where I can be myself and relax for

once and really focus on learning. I
want to go to Turner. At least for a year

or two.

You want to go to college to relax? That
doesn't sound like my Honor Society daughter.

Relax socially; stop being the black
kid, and just being a kid. I'm tired of

being in the extreme minority, and I
don't want to go to a place where people

might think I got in just
because I'm African-American.

Let people think what they want.

But Dad, you don't know what it's like.
You went to a black high school and then

to Turner.

Because I HAD to. If I had a Crestmore
degree in my pocket... Jodie, their

graduates are literally running this
country. Think of how that degree can help

you catapult ahead. Where
is that Landon spirit?

What's shaking, bacon?

I don't smell anything. Hey, cool
sculpture. It's like a comment on the

underbelly of pain... or something.

Actually, it's a comment on BFAC's
incredibly high admission standards.

Um, why do you want to go to art
college? You're already an artist.

I know. But I want to be a starving
artist, so I need to ring up more debt.

Well, I'd never go to music school.
I wouldn't want any teachers trying to

corrupt my vision.

Can you imagine what Spiral
would sound like if we were, like,

forced to practice, even
when we don't want to?

Umm... oh, lookie, missed a spot.

There it is, Tom: the place where your
father and I met. I was a h*m*,

Angier was a senior. It was a
free concert by the Carpenters.

Um, I hope you weren't
injured in the ensuing riot.

Well, I guess Daria and I
better go in for our meetings.

Good luck!


Hi. We have appointments
to see Lisa Goldwin.

So that's why the skating rink has
that sign saying "clothes required."

Well, according to my grandfather, anyway.
Then again, his motto is, "never let

the truth get in the
way of a good story."

Tom, it was really nice meeting you.

You too, Lisa. Daria, I guess
it's your turn. See you later.

Come on in, Daria. Are you as
full of Bromwell lore as Tom?

Um, I doubt it. He seems
to be really full of it.

Daria, now that you've had a chance to
drink in the campus, so to speak, what

are your impressions.

Talk about the atmosphere? No, that's
frivolous. The resources? No, she'll think

I mean money. The campus? No, shallow.
Oh no, inappropriately long pause. Talk,

say anything.

Ummm, I like the campus, the dorms, and,
um, libraries... the learning... feeling?

The learning feeling? Could
I be any less articulate?

Yes, we like those things, too. Tell me,
Daria, aside from gaining a first-rate

education from one of the finest faculties
around, why did you want to attend


Should I talk about wanting to be a writer
and hoping Bromwell will help me find

my voice? Oh, God, how
pretentious can I get?

Um, well, I guess I'm hoping that if
I come here, I may be exposed to, um,

points of view I never considered.

Right, education. But what are you hoping
to reap from your Bromwell experience?

Reap? Reap... reap reap!

Um, I hope to reap...

God, what does she want?

Ummm, a chance to grow...?

I did not say that!

You're asking me?

Um, well, I think at
Bromwell, I can, umm...

Find your voice, perhaps?

Hmm, yes, exactly. Find my voice.

Note to self: stop thinking so
much, Morgendorffer, you idiot!

Daria, is everything all right?

Ummm, do you think we might possibly
start over, and this time, I'll just answer

your questions instead of agonizing over
them internally and then blurting out

something asinine?


And so I seated this one couple right
next to this other couple, and all of a

sudden, the guy at the first table
started screaming at the girl at the second

table. I mean, how was I to know that
she dumped that guy for the other one?

Quinn, that's terrible!

I know! The first guy was
a lot cuter. Hey Sandi!

How are you?

What did you say Sandi?


Can't talk. Laryngitis.
Sandi! You lost your voice!

So once I stopped worrying about what
to say and just said it, I thought the

interview went okay, but by then, I'd
used up five of my fifteen minutes.

Your interview was only
fifteen minutes? I mean...

Ummm, we should probably be get going
if we want to make Boston by dinner.

Right. Mom? We should be...

Look, Tom. It's Bill Woods.

You're right. He's a lit professor
here; he was also in the lawn tennis team

with my father.

Of course.

Kay! Tom! I don't believe it! Why
didn't tell me you were coming to town?

Well, I knew we'd only be here for the
day, but... please, Bill, do join us!

Actually, I'm on my way to a meeting.
MacArthur winners get so testy if they're

kept waiting. How about lunch tomorrow?

Umm, Mom?

We'd love to, but I'm afraid we have to go
to Boston and look at some other schools.

How about a : breakfast? You
can still make Boston by noon. What

do you say, Tom? You can update me on
your interview here. Maybe I can even

throw a little influence your
way. Not that you'll need it.

That would be great. Daria
had an interview, too.

Then it's a date. I'll see everyone
tomorrow in the faculty dining room.

Daria, you don't mind, do you?

Umm. No, it's fine.

Mom, Bill was supposed to meet
us at seven-thirty. It's eight.

I promise. If he's not here
in another... there he is!

Sorry I'm a little late, but I just
couldn't get my publisher off the phone. He

does love to chat.

Well, the worst of rush hour should be
over, so with a little luck, we'll be in

Boston by one.

Yeah, that'll be plenty of time.

Oh dear.

Oh my.

"And so, due to her inability to
manage Fashion Club meetings and a minor

part-time job, Quinn has been granted
permission to take an officially

sanctioned sabtical..." "sabbactical..."

Let me help. "Saaaa..."

"Vacation from her
vice-presidential duties."


Daria, my sincerest apologies
for arriving here so late.

Mom, it's not your fault. It's raining,
and there was that pile-up, and then

that really slow truck.

Daria, if you like, maybe we
could stay on an extra day.

Um, I don't think the Admissions
Office is open on Saturday.

Oh, dear. Well, let's at least drive
through the campus and try to get some

sense of it.

Wow, deserted.

Daria, just let me know
if you want to pull over.

Good thing we didn't get
to Bromwell this late, huh?

Janet, about our... situation, and
all. I was thinking... things are moving

awfully fast.

Exactly. None of this long engagement
crap. We've got to get cranking before my

eggs dry up!

Janet, we really have to talk.

We'll live at my house. Your house,
with all those plants and macramé...

See, Janet, that's what I mean.
This talk about moving in...

Now, about the honeymoon, I've always
had an itch to learn parasailing.

Oh, dear!

Absolutely, Eric! Accidents can happen.
Listen, they're bound to have pictures

of seagulls covered in oil; maybe we
can have pictures of sailors covered in

guano. Okay, Eric, bye.

Daria, how was your trip?

Let's see. We spent so much time at
Bromwell that we only had time for the

drive-by tour of Raft, but I can
safely report it has nice smooth roads.

Oh, that's a shame. But, at least you
got to see Bromwell. What did you think?

Well, it's pretty obvious you have
to be in Who's Who to teach there, the

libraries are big enough to park a jumbo
jet in, and what can I say about the

dorm room's high speed computer lines,
except that hacking the Pentagon just got

a whole lot easier.

That sounds wonderful!

Yeah. The only drawback is trying to find
your classes through the fog of smugness.

Yes, it's a small price to
pay for a Bromwell education.

So you don't care either
that I never got to see Raft.


Hey, Daria! Guess what came in the mail?
The Middleton course catalog! And guess

what? They've eliminated all the requirements,
so you can take whatever you want!

You know, Bromwell isn't the
only university in the world.

Bromwell? I was talking about Middleton.

Wait a minute! Bromwell's not a military
school! Yeah, Bromwell! Great idea, Daria!

Leave me alone.

What's the matter with her?

"Will you accept our gift of a dollar
just to answer a few simple questions

about potency?" Yeah!

Hey, Quinn, glad you could make it.
These are my friends, Cain and Don.

What's your major?

Um, I don't have a major per se.
I'm kind of still in high school.

High school? Lucky... not!

But I'm planning on going to college.

College is absolutely essential. The
concerts and parties are so much better.

I know. I heard "Boys
R Guys" are coming.

Yeah. Can you believe
it? Are they bad enough?


Yeah! They're terrible! So,
what bands do you guys like?

I can't submit you to BFAC. You suck.
You all suck, too. Or maybe it's time for

Janey's sugar break.

Oh, look, this month's mail. Wow,
State University and Lawndale State. "We

regret to inform you that... " "
Due to an unprecedented number of

applications..." Damn.


Both the colleges I applied to rejected
me. I knew I shouldn't have taken the

math portion of my SATs.

Oh. Hey, sorry. Wasn't
there some other college?

BFAC? They're waiting for my portfolio.
Hmm. No point in busting my ass to

finish that.

No kidding. Who are these
people to judge you, anyway?

What do you mean?

Hey Janey, if they could create
art, they wouldn't be teaching it.

You know, you're actually beginning to
make sense. Why waste four years learning

a bunch of useless technique and theory
I'll probably just have to unlearn if I

ever want to create my own style?

I've come to a decision.
I'm not going to college.

Good plan.

You and I will pursue our muse together,
hunker down here in our creative

bunker, periodically issuing forth new
works that will invariably rock the art

and music worlds, respectively.

Hmmm. This isn't going to require
of me to get up for breakfast, is it?

And when my friend woke up, they had
stolen his liver. That's what he said.

Although the way he drinks, it's possible
he just left it in a bar somewhere.

I wonder who her designer is?

I know, Alicia's dress is awesome!

You like it?

Sure. That's what you meant,
right? You weren't trashing her?

No, of course not.

I didn't think so. You're not the type
who has to build herself up by putting

others down. I hate people like that.

Yeah, me too. This mirror is
so pretty. Where did you get it?

I made it.

Really? You know how to make glass?

I bought the actual mirror, but I painted
the tiles and put the frame together.

I'll make one for you if you like.

Lindy, that's really, really nice,
but I can't pay you right away.

Quinn, don't be silly! It's a gift. I
make mirrors for all my good friends. I'm

gonna grab another beer, and then you
can tell me what colors of tiles you like.


Huh? When will Ms. Li stop trying
to collect fingerprint samples?


The Liquid Dinner?

I hate bad bang fluff days.

Oh, Quinn! I have to talk to
you about something just awful!

Hum, Stacy, if this is about how
your little toe is all knobbly...

Not that. You know when I made that
birthday wish at Governor's Park? Well, I

didn't mean to, but Sandi was talking
and it was ruining my concentration, and,

well, I wished she'd just shut up and I
blew out the candle and it was too late

to take back the wish and then
Sandi came down with laryngitis!

That's terrible! It's like that movie
where that lady put that curse on that guy

and he kept losing weight, although
I still haven't figured out what was

supposed to be bad about that.

I don't know what to do, and I don't
want to tell Sandi, because you know how

her eyes get all narrow and her lip
curls and she gets that lizard face.

Stacy, this is easily
solved. Just lift the curse.

But how do you do that? I
didn't know I was cursing her!

God, Stacy! What do I look like, a
whodoo expert? I don't know how to lift a

curse. You're gonna have
to find someone who does.

I'm so excited! I just found out I got
in the Great Prairie State University!

You did? Me too!

So did I!

Me, too!

Wow! It was really nice
of them to take all of us!

Hey, how's it going?

Kevvie! Guess what? Practically the
whole cheerleading squad is going to Great

Prairie State University.

That's nice, babe.

Wait, where are you going?



Brittany? Didn't you mean
where's he going to college?

Hey, yeah!

Brittany, isn't football season over?

Hey, yeah! Kevvie!

Hey, shake the hand of
a Vance University man.

You got the scholarship?
Oh, Mack! That's great!

You're actually shaking my hand?

Oh, Mack!

Is something the matter?

What could be the matter? Everything's
perfect. I got into Crestmore.

Crestmore took you when
Turner didn't? That's weird.

I got into Turner, too.

What? But didn't you tell your
father that's where you want to go?

I tried, Mack, but he's right. Crestmore
is gonna open doors for me that Turner

never could. I think
it's a better choice.

No, you don't. Look at
you! You're miserable!

I don't want to talk about it anymore,
okay? I told you, I want to go to Crestmore.

This college waiting game sucks, although
it does provide the unexpected benefit

of taking my mind off of
every other aspect of my life.

I know the feeling. Well,
I did know the feeling.

Or, at least, kind of knew the feeling.

Wait, you heard from BFAC?

Um, no.

When do you send in your portfolio?

See, the thing is, Daria, after much
thought and consideration, I decided not to

bother. I don't need
college to be an artist.

You what?

It's not completely my choice. I got rejected
by Lawndale State and State University.

Oh, sorry. But, you said yourself their
art teachers couldn't even draw Spunky.

Exactly, and if college is about
placing your fate in the hands of such

untalented dopes, it just seems like a
colossal waste of time. Besides, you know

me, I gotta be footloose.

The phrase you're looking for is screw
loose. You can't let two rejections from

places you don't even want to
go make you afraid to try again.

You know, Daria, not everyone goes
to college. In fact, get past the

Sloane-esque snobbery, and you'll realize
there are a lot of really successful

people with mere high school
diplomas, or no diplomas at all.

I'm not saying everyone has to go to
college. I'm saying old footloose Jane Lane

doesn't know all there is to know yet
about art or anything else, and may be

making an ill-advised decision to end
her education based on temporary, if

admittedly justified, disappointment.

Daria, you're so predictable. I knew you
were going to try to talk me out of this.

Is that why you brought it up?

Look, Dr. Freud, I appreciate your
concern and all, but our minutes are up.

See you later.

"Sloane-esque snobbery?"

"Welcome to Raft." Great, one down.

"Thank you for your interest in Bromwell...
record number of qualified applicants..."

Waiting list! Well, I
guess that's settled.

Daria, is everything all right?

I got into Raft.

You did? Congratulations!

Don't put on your party hat just yet.
I've been wait-listed at Bromwell.

Oh. Daria, I'm sorry. Although
Bromwell's still not out of the question.

You're right. The entire incoming class
could still be stricken with a crippling

disease, moving me up a couple
of notches on the waiting list.

Honey, I know you're disappointed, but
Raft is a great university, and it's

smaller the Bromwell so you'll
probably get more individual attention.

Says the woman who thinks Bromwell is
a magic carpet ride to success. Don't

patronize me.

Don't patronize me, Daria. I haven't
changed my opinion of Bromwell, but I

haven't changed my opinion of Raft,
either. It's a wonderful school.

It's just not the wonderful school.

One Mai Tai.


Timothy, forgive me if my actions are
presumptuous, but I cannot stand idly by

when a colleague and friend teeters on
the precipice of unimaginable misery.

Oh, really? It's very refreshing.
The citrus adds a tang...

I'm talking about your espousal to
the she-devil who walks among us!

Umm... huh?

You... Barch... Engaged!

Eep! You sent me the card!
But, how did you know?

What'll it be, bub?

I'll have the same, whatever it is.

We're keeping our engagement
a secret because of

Ms. Li's rule about
faculty fraternization.

Timothy, I cannot be silent! I'm going
to help you, help you be strong, help you

stand up for yourself, help
you take back the night!

You'd do that for me? Oh, Anthony, I
felt so scared, so alone. You're my best

friend in the whole world.

Now, now, Timothy, there's no need for
that. You'd do the same for me. Oh, God,

I'm getting dewy-eyed.


Hey, Daria.


What's the matter?

I can't do a thing with my hair. Oh,
and I've been wait-listed at Bromwell.

Wait-listed? Nobody gets
in from the wait-list.

Stop being so diplomatic, would you?

God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to
blurt that out. I'm just shocked.

I did get accepted to Raft.

I can't believe it. I
was sure you'd get in.

Did I mention that I
was accepted at Raft?

Yeah. I mean, that's good.

Try to control your enthusiasm.

Hmm, what about you? You hear
anything? You got into Bromwell.

That's sort of why I was calling.

Well, surprise of surprises.
A Sloane at Bromwell.

Hey, come on, Daria.
It wasn't a sure thing.

Your uncle built them a wing. The only thing
that might have kept you out of Bromwell

is a m*rder conviction, and even then,
only if you'd k*lled the Dean of Students.

Hey, it's not my fault
you had a shaky interview.

Yes, well, nothing like dropping a few
ancestor anecdotes to convince them of

your qualifications. I got into
Raft without any interview at all.

I'm not gonna touch that one.

What are you saying? I got in because
they didn't meet me? Screw you!

Quinn, I'm so glad you wanted to see A
Kiss Before Heaven. I can't help myself;

I'm a sucker for those tear-jerkers.

Are you kidding? I love hospital room
movies. And I hate seeing them with guys.

They always get mad
because nothing blows up.

Daria, can we finish our conversation?

Tom got into Bromwell. So you see,
they're not rejecting everyone.

Oh, well, some people have a
certain... edge over the rest of us.

You don't say. Look, I didn't mean to
snap at you, but you're the one who told

me about the advantages
of a Bromwell education.

That doesn't mean Raft...

I didn't get into the school that I
wanted, and you wanted for me. What am I

supposed to think about my prospects?

Your prospects? Daria, you'll be going
to your second choice college, not

prison. Look at me: I went to Middleton.
It's not half the school that Raft is.


Middleton's not half the school that Raft
is, as you know damned well. I applied

to college during the height of the baby
boom. Competition was so fierce I got

rejected from my first and second choices.
And, see, I lived to tell about it.


I made the most of the education I
did get, and so will you. Raft is an

excellent school. You should
be very proud. I know I am.

Um, Dad seems to think
Middleton's hot stuff.

Your father needs to maintain certain
illusions about his youth in order to

function. It's... cute.

I hope I don't end up the same way.

Daria, you're destined for great things no
matter where you go to school. I know it.

Hmmm. All right, then. I suppose I can
stop worrying about getting into college

and start worrying about this disgusting
elitism I have managed to develop

during the process.

Good. That'll keep you from worrying about
what kind of weirdo you'll get for a roommate.

Quinn, didn't you love that movie?
It was so sad when Eleanor died.

Um, Eleanor didn't die.
Her sister Eileen did.

Oh, right. Eileen. What should
we do now? Wanna to go clubbing?

Um, thanks, but I'm still in
high school. You know, underaged.

Oh, yeah. That sucks.

Well, look, it's so nice out, let's just
pick up some wine and hang out in the park.

Umm, Lindy, are you sure you want more
to drink? It's getting kind of late.

That's what the morning's for.
Sleep. Now, where is my car?

Lindy, maybe you shouldn't drive.
Come on, I'll call us both a cab.

Well, well, if it isn't Miss
Morgendorffer the Younger.

And who is your comely companion?

Upchuck, don't get any ideas or
anything, but I need a ride home.

No, you don't.

Do my ears deceive me? A delectable
damsel in distress reaching out to Senàµr

Suavicito in her hour of need?

Lindy, it's no big deal, he just lives
around the corner from me, that's all.

In fact, why don't you come, too? We can
pick up your car tomorrow. Do you mind

driving my friend home, Upchuck?

Quinn, the night is so young. I think
I'm gonna hit a couple of clubs after all.

See you tomorrow.

Lindy, come on, we'll drive
you to the clubs! Lindy!

I don't understand the charade about
being neighbors, my lissome enchantress,

but it concerns me not. Come, allow
me to escort you to my... chariot.

Get away from me, you
creep. Hello, Cabs 'n Stuff?


That crack I made was stupid
and completely out of line.

Thank you for the bulletin,
but I already knew that.

Forgive me?

What's in it for me?

Let's say, for the sake of argument,
that my family connections at Bromwell did

help me get in. I'm sure that my parents
would be happy to write a letter of

recommendation for you. What do you say?

Yes, Virginia, there really is such a
thing as noblesse oblige. Thanks, but I'll

pass. I'd rather get in on my own merits,
and besides, I think I'm gonna like

Raft just fine.

You sure?

Yeah, but thanks.

Your eight o'clock is here.

Send him in.

Come in, Mack. Have a seat,
and congratulations about Vance.

Thank you. Thanks for
squeezing me in before school.

No problem, no problem. You said on the
phone you wanted to talk about Jodie?


You're not gonna ask me for her hand in
marriage, are you? Because I'm too young

to be a grandfather,
Mack, you understand?

Grandfather? Ummm, no, Mr.
Landon, it's nothing like that.

Thank you, God! I mean... of
course not. So, how can I help you?

I hope you don't think I'm out of line,
but Jodie's been acting really unhappy

lately, and I think it's
because of Crestmore.

Impossible! We had a long talk about it
and she's really looking forward to going.

With all due respect, sir, I don't believe
that's true. I think she really needs

a different kind of
environment. Like Turner.

How is she gonna go to
Turner? She didn't even apply.

Look, Michael, if Jodie passes on Crestmore,
she'll end up regretting it for the

rest of her life.

Anyway, if she really wanted to go
to Turner, she'd have applied there.

She did. She got in.


She got in. She's afraid to tell you.

Well, that was nice of Tom to offer
to get his folks to write to Bromwell.

It's just that the whole thing smacks
of some crappy romance novel where the

troubled young viscount decides the
lowly s*ab girl is good enough for him

after all.

I always saw you as
more of a scullery maid.

And why should the
Sloane's seal of approval

matter more to Bromwell
than my transcripts?

"Dear Dean Skippy, please admit Daria.
She's a fine young woman, even if she

isn't one of us."

Exactly. Besides, if they write a
recommendation, it'll just make it that much

worse when I do get
that ultimate rejection.

You are very wise for a humble
laundress, and generous, too.

How come you bought the pizza?

To make you feel too guilty to storm
off in a huff when I ask if you've sent

your portfolio in to BFAC yet.

Why bother? It's too late.

Not for mid-year enrollment.

Daria, I already told you.
I'm just not the college type.

Oooh, a cheeseless bell pepper pizza!
And you don't even like cheeseless.

Hey! Nothing but the best for my babe!

I just love bell peppers. You
can almost hear them ringing.

Hey, Brit, even if you're gone away to
Great Prairie State next year, you'll

still be my babe, right? I mean,
no matter where I go? Right?

Um, sure. Why do you ask?

I just wanted to see how deep is your
love, babe. Hey, and speaking of deep,

watch this! I'm a clown, I'm a
clown, I'm a... Funny, huh babe?

I couldn't paint anything decent with
that application hanging over my head,

anyway. Believe me, that portfolio
would never have gotten me into BFAC.

Que ironico, the minute the pressure
was off, I started doing some really

interesting stuff again.

So it's the old "reject
them before they reject me."

Yeah, the same thing
you're doing with Bromwell.

I was already rejected by Bromwell.

So was I. By State U and Lawndale State.

But you told me you don't care what their
sucky art departments thought of your work.

Really. They're so sucky they
didn't even ask to see it.


They didn't ask to see any of
my stuff, so I didn't send any.

Wait. You get rejected by schools that
don't care if you have artistic talent,

but the one that does care,
you decide not to go for?

For the same reason you're not gonna
let the Sloanes write a letter that might

get you into Bromwell, even though you
wouldn't have to lift a finger. Rejection

sucks. You said so yourself.

I'll make you a deal. If I prostrate
myself before the Sloanes and ask them for

that letter, will you finish your
portfolio and send it to BFAC?

God, Daria! You must
really think I have a sh*t.

You drive a hard bargain, Morgendorffer,
but you've got yourself a deal.


Hey. You know that
letter we talked about?

Well, I guess it couldn't hurt.


I'll ask my parents right now. I'm sure
they do this kind of things all the time.

Oh, good. Then they can just
send out the form letter.

The good form letter. Let me catch
them before they go out. Call me later?

Sure. Um, thanks.


Yo, Trent! You're just in time to run
me down to Package-Air. I want to get my

portfolio off to BFAC.

Whoa. I thought you
weren't going to college.

I changed my mind, although first, I
kind of have to get them to take me.

What about focusing on your art?

See, I can do that at Boston Fine Arts
College. That's why they put in the word

"arts." Come on, let's go.

I don't know. I have to get used to
this whole selling out thing first.

Trent, I'm not selling out. I'm attempting
to acquire the skills and knowledge

that will allow me to sell out. Now, are
you gonna give me a ride, or do I have

to throw fear into the hearts
of pedestrians by myself?

Huh. See you later.

Yeah... later.

Hi, Jodie. What are you doing?

Do you need me something? I'll get up.

We just want to talk to you. About Mack.

What about him?

He came to see me at my office.

What? Without telling me? Why?

He's got quite an imagination. He seems
to think you want to go to Turner so

much you applied there behind our backs.

"Curse Begone. For the reversal and
elimination of curses, spells and

incantations. No animals were harmed to
make this product, other than the ones

we sacrificed." Boy, I hope this stuff
works, or Sandi will never talk to me

again. Actually, she'll never talk to
anyone again. That's not funny, Stacy!

Sandi, I'm so sorry it took me so long,
but I wanted to make sure the ice in

your soda was crushed enough because
I know how you hate big or even medium

chunks of ice. You know, my Mom says soda
rots your teeth, but if it were really

true, wouldn't you see a lot more
people in high school with dentures or no

teeth at all, just tiny little stubs?

Stacy. Eww...

Sorry. So, how are the sodas? I
mean, not that they shouldn't be okay.

Ewww. What's in this?

Oh, no! I must have given
you the one with the potion.

Oh, Sandi, I am so sorry. See, when I
was blowing out my birthday candles, I

accidentally wished you'd be, well,
quiet, and then you lost your voice and I

was afraid to tell you so I got this
curse undoer stuff over the Internet and I

guess I used too much because I really
wanted you to be cured, and then Tiffany

got it by mistake and I am so sorry!

No, Sandi, I swear! I didn't try to
k*ll you! See, it's only Cayenne pepper,

cooking oil, and some big long name.
Sandi, you know I would never hurt anybody,

especially not you. I mean, I really,
really care about people. Please, I'll do

anything to make it up to
you! Just tell me what to do.

Now, here is my kind of credit card
bill. No Cashman's, no Doo Dads, just a

single two-hundred dollar charge to Bulk
Cat Food dot com. Cat food? This isn't

our address... this isn't
my name! Damn idiot mailman!

Jake, settle down! Hmmm, from
Bromwell. Daria, look what just came in.

Either that's a rejection, or they printed
the registration forms on microfilm.

Now, don't jump to any conclusions.

Well, the freshman class is full.
I won't be going to Bromwell.

Oh, honey.

That sucks, Daria! Passing on a
smart kid like you! They're idiots!

You know what? I'm not even sorry.

You have nothing to be sorry about.

Stuffy arrogant... "Oh, look at us, we're
Bromwell!" But listen, Middleton is a

very good school. Well, a pretty good
school. Well, anyway it was good enough

for your mother and me.


Um, Dad... about Middleton...
I didn't apply there.

You didn't? So... you're going ahead with
this crazy notion about military school?

Military school?

Jake! What are you talking
about? Daria is going to Raft.

Raft? You mean, no barracks? No buzzcut?
No inspection time? Latrine duty?

Training marches at hours?

Hmmm, if Raft has those things, it was
pretty crafty of the brochure just to

show kids on the quad hanging
out and throwing frisbees.

Oh, thank God! My daughter, going to
college instead of a military academy. Hey,

Raft is a damned good school. Daria,
you won't be sorry you did this. There'll

always be time for the army later!

You'll understand when I don't invite
my roommate home for Thanksgiving, right?

How long is the wait for two?

Table twenty-one is ready.

I'll seat you right now.

I'm sorry. Is there a problem here?

That hostess seated those
people who just came in,

and we've been waiting forty minutes.

My apologies. Let me see what
I can do, and dessert's on me.

Folks, we've been holding a table for
six we can split up. Please, come with me

and I'll get you settled right away.
Then the three of us are gonna have a

little talk.

What's that about?

Oh, Quinn, I'd never
thought he'd find it there.

Find what?

My screwdriver.

Lindy! You've been drinking?!

Just a little hair of the dog. I wouldn't
have done it except I'm really hung over.

But we're at work!

I know. Damn, damn, damn! Quinn, listen
to me. Normally, I would never, ever ask

you to do something like this, but I'm
in college, I'm broke, I really need this

job. Maybe if we said we think one of
the bus boys left it there or something?

But then, won't they get in trouble?

Ladies, Shawna's gonna man your
post for a while. Come with me.

Okay, I want to know
whose cup this is. Quinn?

Umm, it's not mine.

We don't know whose it is.

Then explain to me why this
smudge here matches your lipstick.

That could be anybody's lipstick!

Not really.

For instance, Quinn asked me if she could
try my lipstick... not that I'm saying

it's hers, of course...

Oh, Lindy...

Come on, Lindy.

Please, Michael, I've never done anything
like this before, I swear. I don't

even like to drink. It's
just I have this migraine...

I'm gonna have to let you go.

Damn! You know what I've just realized?

The phrase "chicken
fingers" is misleading ?

Besides that. We forgot to
check out the pizza in Newtown.

Oh. Well, I guess you'll just have
to send mine Package-Air to Boston.

Won't that be a little
messy? Oh, Daria! No!

Yep. It's official. I
didn't get into Bromwell.

I'm really sorry. And after my parents
wrote such a glowing recommendation, too.

Shocking, isn't it? I'm such a loser, even
a nod from the Sloanes couldn't help me.

That's not what I meant.

Good. Because I'm not a loser, and even
if I didn't go to the right prep school,

or pull the right strings,
or donate a wing...

It was my uncle!

Listen. You're a smart guy and a good
student. I'm sure you deserve to get into

Bromwell, and I wish
you every success there.

Well, that's a nice thing to say, even
if that Daria voice of yours makes it

sound like a kiss off... wait...

I think we should break up.

What? When did you decide this?

Just now.

Because I got into Bromwell and
you didn't? That's not fair, Daria.

It's got nothing to do with Bromwell.

Well, if it's not about
Bromwell, then what? Why?

Because you're going one
place and I'm going another.

So what? We won't be that far away.

I don't mean physically. I mean you're
from one place and I'm from another, and

college is going to make
it even more obvious.

I don't believe that.

Tom... we have little enough in common
as it is. Now we won't see each other for

months at a time, and every time we do,
it'll be more difficult to pick up where

we left off.

Not if we work at it.

Why should we work at it when
we are already getting bored?

Who's bored? I'm not bored.

Really? Or are you just upset
that I admitted it first?

You'll get over it. We both will.

Hey, kids! What's new?

Oops, sorry. Wrong table.



TV's off.

Yeah. Want something?

No. Just... if you had a friend and you
knew she had a problem but she didn't,

would you tell her?


This girl I was working with... I think
she has a drinking problem. If I don't

say anything, I'm afraid she'll get an
accident or something, but if I do say

something, she'll probably never
speak to me again. Not that she is now.

I don't really feel qualified to give any
advice on interpersonal relationships today.

Why not?

I just broke up with my boyfriend.
It's kind of a first for me. So's this

feeling in my stomach like it's
been through a paper shedder.

You broke up with Tom?

You sound almost surprised as I was.


Because I felt we'd come to the end of
our relationship, for a bunch of reasons,

and we should both move on.

So you said that to him, just like that?

For some reason, I continue to opt for
honesty, despite mounting evidence that

it's inexorably transforming me into an
old woman alone in a one room apartment

filled with thirty year
old newspapers and cats.

Oh, Daria, that's not gonna happen to
you. I was at a college party. I know what

goes on there. People
are smart and nice.

So it's the opposite of high school?

You're gonna have friends and everything.
I know it sounds hard to believe.

Gee, thanks. But, um, thanks.

You were right to be honest.
That's what I'm gonna do.

Good. You can help me feed the cats.

Daria, your face at the pizza place. Your
face now... did that bastard dump you?

I was always afraid he'd do that!

No, I dumped him.

You dumped... you're the bastard? Whoa.

Yes, I'm the bastard, and the
bastard is hurting like hell.

Oh, hi. I didn't think
I'd ever see you again.

Why not? We're friends, right?

I mean, that was a really crappy thing
I said about you borrowing my lipstick. I

can't believe I did it. I was desperate.

I know.

It was, like, the worst thing I've ever
done in my life, and I'm really sorry.

Lindy, I know I'm only in high school
and I'm not really used to be around

people who drink except for my father,
but that's only when he's really mad and

talking about military school and even
then... and okay, my mother had a few too

many at this wedding, but if you knew
my aunt Rita, and I think you have a

drinking problem.

All right, I hurt you,
you hurt me, fair enough.

I'm not trying to hurt you, Lindy. You
really need to think about your drinking.

Quinn, I'm in college. Everybody
drinks. If I had a problem, it would be

affecting my schoolwork or
personal life, wouldn't it?

But you got fired because of it!

I got fired because Michael's a jerk. And
guess what? I already found another job.

But you just said that what happened in
Michael's office was the worst thing you

ever did in your life. Doesn't
that mean it's affecting you?

That was out of panic, and now with your
nasty little accusations, you've gotten

me back for. Which is what I guess you
came over in the first place. So, we're

even, okay? So goodbye.


I've got a paper due tomorrow and I've
got a lot of writing left to go. You

noticed I said writing, not drinking.
You'll noticed I've a got a book opened,

not a bottle And now
the door's open, too.


All right! Last day of
school. No more classes.

Or homework!

Or those things with the pages!


Yeah, that's it.

I want to talk to you. Alone.

Okay. Obviously, you found out
that I went to see your father.

And told him what I confided in you.

Look, I was just trying to help.

Yeah? Well, as a result of your butting in...
I'm going to Turner! I'm going to Turner!

You are? That's great!

My parents said that if I was so upset
about Crestmore that I applied to Turner

behind their backs, they had to respect
my feelings. They told me I'd earned the

right to be treated like an adult.

I knew you'd work it out.

I wouldn't have worked it out without
you. Did I ever tell you how lucky I am to

have you?

Jodie! Mack! Have you seen Mr. O'Neill?

Nope, haven't seen him.

Oh sure. All you males stick together!

Kevvie, do you want to go to the place
we have to go to get the cap and gown

with me?

Mmmm, nah! But, you go ahead.

Why? Did you already get yours?

Um, Brit... remember when you said
you'd still be my babe, no matter where I

went to school?

Umm... I think so.

But you will, right?

Sure! Where are you going?

Right here, babe!


Right here. Lawndale High. See, um, my
grades were so good, they want to see if

I can do it again.

Ohhh. Wait a minute... your grades
aren't good... Kevvie, you flunked!

No, no, no! I just, um, didn't pass.

But, see, if I repeat this year,
then my grades will be really good.

Mr. O'Neill says I can go away
to any college in the country!


Or did he say some college way out in
the country? Anyway, we're still, like,

boyfriend and girlfriend, right?

Ummm, sure.

Timothy, you've got to be firm. Now,
repeat after me: "Barch, it'll be a cold

day in hell before I kiss my common
sense and will to live goodbye, and enter

the bonds of unholy matrimony
with such a shrew!" Now, you!

Um, Janet, it'll be a
chilly day in Hades...


Uh, Janet...

There you are. If I didn't know better,
I'd swear you were hiding from me!

Oh. Me? Hiding?

Madam? Timothy has something he'd
like to say to you! Don't you, Timothy?

Well, what is it? And make it snappy,
Skinny, we have to go pick our honeymoon

cruise wear.

Um, Janet, about the
wedding, well, um, you see...

There's not gonna be a wedding, so you
can dig your talons into the flesh of

some other prey!


You heard him.

Uh, you see, Janet, It's not that you
wouldn't make a very desirable life partner...

All right then, Mr. Gigolo, you hear
this: if there's no wedding, then that's

it. It's over, buster. We will never
play farmwife and National Geographic

photographer again.


As you wish.


Congratulations! You
stood up to her like a man!


Ow! My good eye! Aaaaaah!

Stacy, of course Sandi didn't say
anything about being mad at you.

She can't talk, remember?

Stacy, I've got to call you back.
Um, hi, Lindy. Come in! How are you?

I'm just fine, really great. Um, I forgot
to give this to you when you came over

the other day.

Lindy! The mirror; it's beautiful!

You really like it?

I love it! Thank you!

Um, listen, about our conversation.
Maybe every now and then I do go a little

overboard when I drink, but that doesn't
mean I've got a problem. Believe me, I

you'd had my mother, you know
how the real problem looks like.


You know how I'm sure I can handle it?
Whenever I think I'm drinking too much, I

stop for a week, just to
prove to myself that I can.


Yeah. I do it all the time. So you see?

Yeah, that's great, Lindy.

Anyway, I'm glad you like the mirror.

It's beautiful.

Thanks. I'll see you around.

Um, Lindy? Do you want to
go to a movie or something?

I can't today, but I'll
give you a call, okay?

Okay, sure.


Wow, you're talking
to a sellout like me?

About that...


I don't really think you're a sellout.

Well, that's not exactly an apology,
but you know what they say about beggars.

That they only spend it on booze?

Never mind.

Um, Janey?

Um, Trent?

This college thing... I gave it...
thought... and, um, I kind of understand if

you want to go.

What I don't get is why you were
so against it in the first place.

I guess I didn't want you to go
because... well... you would be there...

Admirable grasp of the situation.

...and I would be here.

Oh. You're worried about losing me?

Well, the house gets kind of spooky
at night. Maybe I should get a puppy.

Hey, Trent, do you really think I'm
gonna let you slack off being my brother

just because of an address change?


Now, listen. My guess is Mom and Dad
won't be back from the Azores until monsoon

season's over. You want to represent
the Lane family at my graduation?

I didn't even go to my own graduation.

So you did graduate.

I'm pretty sure...

Hmm. What's Tom doing out there?
He looks unhappy about something.

He's probably mad at those
stuck-up Bromwell g*ons, too!

Lousy, tea-drinking,

Jake! Tom got into Bromwell. Oh!

Um, hello.

Hey, Daria.

I'm not getting into that car.

That's how all this trouble
started in the first place.

Trouble? Is that how you
think of our relationship?

I'm just kidding. What's up?

Oh, Jake! I think something bad is
happening! And she's already had one

disappointment. Oh, no!
I was dreading this day!

Sounds like I should do something!
I think I'll go clean the attic!


Um, I've been thinking a lot about why
you said we should break up, and I don't

disagree. I just wanted to know:
you liked me for a while, right?

Tom, come on. I still like you. You're
a good guy. A little spoiled, a hair

smug, a triffle egotistical...

This isn't going quite the way I hoped.

...but a smart, funny guy who's
basically very caring and sensitive in the

not-pukey way. I'm glad we went
out. It was a really good experience.

You mean that?

Yeah, of course. What's
the matter with you?

Nothing. It's just... I really look up to
you, and your opinion's important to me.

You look up to me? Huh.

Do you think next year I could call you
from school, and we could compare notes

on our lives in a completely nonromantic
fashion? You know, like friends?

Hmm, yeah. Yeah! That's a good
idea. Call me. That'll be nice.

OK. I'm starting to feel a
little better. How about you?

I've got one more bed of hot
coals to walk through first.

Daria! Hi! How was the last day
of school? Do you want to lie down?

I have an announcement to make.

Oh, God, Daria! It'll
be all right, I promise!

I have broken up with my boyfriend.

Yes, it hurts, but it was my
idea, and despite the pain I feel,

I remain convinced it is for the best.

I am looking forward to
summer, and, to my amazement,

excited about college next year.

Now I shall go to my room
without taking questions.

Ignore any muffled screams you may
hear, especially if they're Quinn's.

She and Tom broke up? Just like that?
No clues, no warning signs? I'd better go

talk to her! This could drive her back
to military school! What should I say?

Damn it, Helen! Where's
our copy of Mr. Spock?

Jake, your concern is very sweet,
but I think she's going to be okay.

Just tell me what I did to make you
drag me to Jodie's graduation party?

You need a break from the break-up. One
more night with those whose stupidity

has so tormented and entertained us, lo,
these many years. A farewell to dopes!

Andrea, my dark-eyed mistress of sweet,
sweet pain. Are you, like me, finding

this party a bit too... festive? Let us
depart for a darker place, where we can

explore the melancholia that always
accompanies true, unbridled passion!

You're hitting on me?



Really?! I mean, say no more,
my raven-haired ravisher!

Behold, Daria! The group
dynamic you crave so much!

I suppose pulling out a can of mace
right now would be considered bad form.

Hey, guys. Thanks for coming.

No Tom tonight?

Um, no Tom no more.

What? He dumped both of you? I mean...

Au contraire! Tom was the dumpee!


Yes, I terminated the relationship so I
could indulge my compulsive need to play

the field.

Hi, Daria! Hi, Jane! Where's Tom?

Um, covert mission.

Really? I didn't know he was religious.

Hey, Daria! Where's that guy you know?

He joined a mission!

Really? He's going to Mars?

So, once I paid off my credit card
bill, I just quit. My friend was already

gone, and I mean, who works
in the summer? Puh-lease!

You're so good with money, Quinn!

Could you balance my checkbook?

You've got fiscal smarts!

Well, I see I'm the only one who still
believes in arriving fashionably late.

Sandi! You got your voice back!

That's great, Sandi!

Yeah... great...

Stacy, you'll be happy to know I figured
how you can almost make it up to me for

the physical and emotional
anguish you caused.

You have? Oh, Sandi, thank you! Organize
your Waif magazine inventory, ironing

any and all wrinkled pages... take over
babysitting your brothers all summer...

clean your lipstick tubes...

Whoa, Stacy... I pity you.

Um, Sandi, I'm really, really sorry about
what happened and all, but this seems

kind of... unfair. I mean, we don't know
if I really made you lose your voice, right?

Are you saying you don't care if you
jeopardize your status in the Fashion Club?

Sandi, if this is what it'll take to
keep me in the Fashion Club, maybe I'm

better off taking a
sabbatical like Quinn.

Um... fine. But you're missing out,
because Quinn is coming back. Right, Quinn?

Um, actually, Sandi, the time off was
a nice change of pace. I'm thinking of

extending my sabbatical.


Huh. I think I'll
take a sabbatical, too.

Well, that is certainly an amusing
coincidence, because tonight I was going to

announce my sabbatical from the Fashion
Club. Yes, I find that your precious

club no longer serves my needs as a
multi-faceted young woman of today. It's

just too confining.

Gosh! Does this mean there
isn't any more Fashion Club?

I guess it's time to move on.

It's like the end of an era.

I'm gonna miss it.

Me, too.

You want to come over tomorrow and discuss
what we'll do with all our new free time?

That's a great idea, Sandi!

I'll bring some magazines to look at.

I can't wait to brainstorm.

Then it's a date.

He said he looked up to you?

Isn't that weird? Flattering, but weird.

Well, I kind of take
what you say seriously.

That's why, after your constant haranguing
and brow-beating, I went ahead and

sent my portfolio to BFAC... and got in.

Jane Lane! What did you say?

You. Me. College. Same town. Be ready
to have your ass dragged to more parties.

I knew you could do it. I knew it!

Why the hell didn't you tell me?

I just found out today. Besides, you
know what a drama queen I am. So, what do

you say? Make a pledge right now to go
up there and get separate boyfriends?

Thanks for talking me into applying.

Thanks for helping me
get through high school.

Me at BFAC, you at Raft. You think it's
true that things happen for a reason?


... for today we leave the days of our
youth behind and begin our journey into

adulthood. Many years from now, I'm
sure we will look back on our days at

Lawndale High with a great fondness, for
what once was, and will never be again.

That last part sounded good.

Thank you.

Thank you, Jodie Landon, valedictorian
of the graduating class of Laaawndale

High. And remember, parents, your child
doesn't have to be a current student for

us to accept your generous donations.
And now, people, and now... and now,

awards time! We'll do the sports and
other good prizes after I get these

academic jobbies is out of the way. Now,
as you know, at Lawndale High we prefer

to reward students for both their
scholarship and contribution to student life.

But, occasionally, a student does so
well in one area that we are forced to

recognize him or her despite crippling
deficiencies in the other. And so, I give

you the winner of this year's Lawndale
High School Diane Fossey Award for

dazzling academic achievement in
the face of near-total misanthropy...

Ms. Daria Morgendorffer!

Bravo, bravo!

Very good, Daria! You go, girlfriend!

Brav... oh!

All right, Timothy! This is it! You've
gone this far; you can't turn back now!

Anthony! Where are you going?

Sorry, but that right hook is a k*ller!

Now, Janet, I know
you're disappointed...

No, I'm not! I'm intrigued...

...but as the poet said, time will heal
thy wounded heart in... you're what?

Intrigued by this alluring new backbone
of yours. Where have you been hiding

that erogenous chutzpah all
these years, you big lug?

Oh, well, I...

Um... thank you. I'm not much for public
speaking, or much for speaking, or,

come to think of it, much for the public.
And I'm not very good at lying. So let

me just say that, in my experience,
high school sucks. If I had to do it all

over again, I'd have started advanced
placement classes in preschool so I could

go from eighth grade
straight to college.

However, given the unalterable fact that
high school sucks, I'd like to add that

if you're lucky enough to have a good
friend and a family that cares, it doesn't

have to suck quite as much.

Otherwise, my advice is: stand firm for
what you believe in, until and unless

logic and experience prove you wrong;
remember, when the emperor looks naked,

the emperor is naked; the truth and a
lie are not "sort of the same thing"; and

there's no aspect, no facet, no moment
of life that can't be improved with pizza.

Thank you.

So, dazzling academic
achievement, eh? What a sellout.

I know. And then I had the perfect
opportunity to b*at Ms. Li senseless with my

trophy, and what do I do?
Give a heart-warming speech.

You're getting soft around
the edges, Morgendorffer.

Maybe, or maybe you've got glaucoma.

To college! I can't wait! What do you
think we'll find when we get there?

Hmm. That the students are shockingly
ignorant, the professors self-centered and

corrupt, and the entire system geared
soley to the pursuit of funding?

Hmmm, yes. You know that thing
I said about you getting soft?


I take it back.
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