04x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Futurama". Aired: March 28, 1999 - September 4, 2013.*
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Accidentally frozen, pizza-deliverer Fry wakes up 1,000 years in the future.
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04x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous

Post by bunniefuu »

Ten dollars, please.
Oh, man!

Sleep, little dumpling.
I have replaced your mother.

Aw.

Oh, my God! Robot dealy-Boppers!
And there's a robot scratching post!

You should try it out, Bender.
Please. I have some dignity.

Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot
features Lotus Notes and a machine g*n.

It is the finest available.
Like fun it is, you glass-Headed wallaby!

No one calls me that! I'm having at you!

Wernstrom!

Such senseless aggression.

Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

The secret was scratching
really, really hard.

And now, the woman who
mom-Opolizes the robot industry...

I get it!
...Mom!

Oh, now I get it!

Hello, dearies.

I love that old bat!

Ladies and gentlemen,
for the 17th year in a row...

The future of robotics has arrived.

Boys.

I give you Robot 1-X.

Ow.
Ow! Oh.

Neat.

Quite frankly, Robot 1-X will put
all my previous models to shame.

Incidentally, would one of my
previous models mind coming up here?

Here! I'm coming!
Come on, baby! I'm yours!

Come on, Mom!
Jerk!

Here we go.
I'm your top of the line, Mom!

Notice that this obsolete robot
runs on alcohol and emits pollution.

Whereas Robot 1-X runs on
pollution and emits pure oxygen...

With a fresh pine scent.

Man, that smells great!

Now let's see how both robots
do at a typical household task:

Sorting a jar of pocket change.

Task completed.
Total value $4.73 and one Albanian lek.

Very good, Robot 1-X.
And you, bending unit?

I never got the change.
Suckers.

Presenting Mom's Friendly Robots.

That new robot is great, huh?
He sure made me look like a pile of crap.

Indeed. That's why I bought
one to help around the office.

Let's try him out. Robot 1-X,
can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box?

I can, and will.

Hey, I could have done
that if you'd ask me.

I asked you five minutes ago.

You call that a kiss? I'll show you!

Come here, Nibbler!

Look, Bender. If you want something to
do, stop making out and give us a hand.

Go up on the roof and install
this fake satellite dish...

So we can impress the neighbors.
Yes, sir! I'm on it.

Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you.
God!

Get out of here, freshman!
I don't need your help!

Our owners asked me to assist you.
Yeah? Well, assist this!

Whoa! Ah! Help!

When I screamed "Help,"
I didn't mean you!

I apologize. However, I was able to
do your job before I saved your life.

Don't mind me. I'm just saving you
the trouble of throwing me away.

Mell out, Bender. Come watch some TV.

I can't. I'm stuck in the can.

Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out.

Never!

Why can't you accept his help?
I hate him!

But he's just a tool to
make your life easier.

Like a socket wrench, or a burglar's kit.

I can't ask for his help because...
Yes?

I'm scared of him.

Oh, sorry.
Well, then, there's only one solution.

You need an upgrade to
make you compatible...

With Robot 1-X's new technology.

An upgrade? But I thought
we all agreed I was perfect.

Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect?
Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect.

"Pretty perfect"?
So you do think I need an upgrade.

Yes, for God's sakes, yes!

Fine. I'll be back in a few days.

Man, I hate those new 1-X robots.

I'd like to s*ab them!
Give them some of these!

Yeah, right on, nut cake.

Parole officer says I gotta upgrade,
or he won't give me back my stabbing Kn*fe.

But it's no big.
I hate those 1-X so much.

I know it won't affect me.

Death to the 1-X Robots!

I love those magnificent 1-X Robots!

The 1-X Robots are my friends.

Wait. What happened to your
enthusiasm for stabbing them?

I'm past that. Later, blood.

It's like he's not him anymore.

You took away his robo-Humanity!

I changed my mind!

Yeah. I did it! I escaped.

But to what kind of a life?

I'm too scared to get the upgrade...

But I can't face my
friends again without it.

And so, I set sail for unknown shores.

Oh, merciful Poseidon,
take pity on this mechanical mariner.

Oh, jeez.

Whoa! Whoa! Oh, uh. Whoa!

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Boy, what is the deal with the ocean?

A tropical island, huh?

Well, I've washed up in worse places.

Okay, first up, I'm gonna
need to build a shelter.

There.

Well, I guess I'll go out for a while.

Damn. One rock short of rescue.

Low on power.

Better fuel up.

Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do
when I run out of booze.

Okay, don't panic.

I've got these yams.
I'll just make some yam schnapps.

Hmm.

Hey, I should be mad at you.
Now, turn around.

Funny now hot.

Beer!

Ow!

Oh . Numb. Oh.

Who is it?

Ow!

Who are you, and why should I care?

Side A. We're a community of outdated
robots who refused to upgrade...

And came here-- Side B.

To live a simpler existence,
free of technology.

A working cartridge unit? Wow.

You guys went obsolete years ago.

Your mother.

What Cartridge Unit means is,
the things that make us obsolete...

Also make us unique.

I, for example, need to keep
refilling my waterwheel...

Or I'll power-Down forever.

Oh, God! I'll never make it this time!
This is the end!

Anyway, we like it here.
Like you have a choice.

So, what's your problem?
Not enough .

Memory?
Oh, great.

Now I remember that word,
but I forgot my wife's face.

Oh, God! No! I want to live!

If you'd like, you're
welcome to join our society.

Look, no offense, but I need technology,
especially e-Mail and snowmobiles.

And television. Without television,
how will I know what's buzz-Worthy?

Why would you want to watch TV when
you can watch a snail crawl for hours?

That's the dumbest
thing I've ever heard.

Oh, man! He's never gonna
make it over that pebble!

Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it!

Yeah! Way to go!

That was the greatest thing ever!
Let's party.

Yeah, baby! Come on!
Where did you get that CD?

It's one of my 10 desert-Island disks.

I never really thought I'd use them,
but look at me now.

Oh, yeah, baby! Gonna do that dance .

CDs are unnatural.
Why don't you just listen to the ocean?

Which ocean? That ocean?

Wow. It's like the Earth making
sweet, salty love to itself...

While all the fish groove on it.
So much for this garbage.

Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

Bang, bang, bang.

You sure got this life thing figured out,
cymbal-Banging monkey.

Hi, Bender. We know how
much you miss technology...

So we brought you this washing
machine that drifted ashore.


I'm gonna wash my
linens so hard, the--

You .

What? I don't understand.

Wretched technology has
brought me nothing but misery.

But Bender, you are technology.

You're the most advanced
thing on this entire island.

Oh, it's true. I am a hideous
triumph of form and function.

But not for long!

Oh! That hurt!

The downgrade is complete!

Behold my handcrafted purity.

The modern world can bite
my splintery wooden ass!

Ah.

Welcome to your new life
of simple tranquility.

Forget that! I say the whole world
must learn of our peaceful ways!

By force!

What?
We're going back to civilization...

To wage w*r on technology!

What?

Row, comrades, row!

We'll stage an att*ck on technology...

Worthy of being chronicled
in an anthem by Rush.

We've been sailing for three weeks.

Maybe I should check our
position with the periscope.

Aye, up!

Mirrors reflecting mirrors?
High-Tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say!

Did you see anything?
Yep, we're there.

Prepare to surface!

And now, technology shall taste
the lash of the hickory switch!

Technology is defeated!

Let us return to the island
and celebrate by counting rocks!

Yeah!

Whoa! Whoa! No one wants to
count rocks more than me...

But our mission is not complete.

Not so long as Robot 1-X torments
me with his obvious superiority.

Ready the catapult, Sinclair!

Aim for their power lines!

They're the devil's veins,
and electricity is his blood!

Bender? If we don't survive the att*ck,
I want you to know I love you.

Okay, fine. Fire!

Oh! I'm blind!
Professor, we have no power!

What do you mean, "no power"?
We're living in the future!

I'd better light some candles.

Friends, I've come to free you
from your complicated lives!

Free you from the "complicated" part,
I mean, not the "Iives" part.

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood.

What now, Bender?
I got a downgrade.

I'm a steam-Powered wooden robot,
just as nature intended.

Therefore, I must k*ll Robot 1-X!
That's just stupid!

Does Mr. Bender wish
me to destroy myself?

I don't need your charity.

Target Robot 1-X and fire!

You wanged my ship,
you walnut-Paneled idiot!

Try again, Sinclair.
I said target Robot 1-X.

Who's Robot 1-X? Launching.

So I guess everything worked out fine.

Great. Now we're being crushed.

Help us, wooden Bender!

Those guys hate fire!
I gotta do something!

What the--? Termites?

Well, I don't need
legs to save my friends.

I'll just use the old
extenso-Matic arms.

Bender! Hurry! This fuel is expensive!

Also, we're dying!
I'm a-Coming!

Ow! Lousy primitive body!

Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade?
I'm an outdated piece of junk.

Sir, might I recommend--?
You shut up!

No, wait. I can use you as
a tool to save my friends.

And I'll still be the hero,
who everyone says how great he was.

How may I help you?
Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

Look! My hair got singed
into an even cuter 'do.

Hey, where's Bender?
Down here.

I'm so sorry, guys.
I never meant to hurt you...

Just to destroy everything
you ever believed in.

Well, at least you saved us from...

Uh, you.

Thank God you finally overcame
your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.

Oh, yeah, we were totally in sync.

I was like, "Save them! " And he was all,
"No problem. " And then he did it.

His new technology is great.
I love those magnificent 1-X Robots.

The 1-X Robots are my friends.

It's like his personality
is totally different now.

Oh, maybe this upgrade
isn't such a good idea.

I'd like to give Robot
1-X a big smooch on the--

Hey, what's the dealy-O?
Your upgrade is complete.

But I destroyed the
technology of the world.

I ran on the beach and felt
the sand between my foot-Cups.

Everyone experiences
the upgrade differently.

If that stuff wasn't real,
how can I be sure anything is real?

Is it not possible, nay, probable...

That my whole life is just a product
of my, or someone else's imagination?

No. Get out. Next?

Well, I guess reality
is what you make of it.

Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.
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