05x18 - Why Did the Fireman...

[bunniefuu]

♪ One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight ♪

♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪

♪ We're gonna do it! ♪

♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪

♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪

♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪

♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪

♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪

♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪

♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪

Laverne & Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.

I must, I must, I must
increase my bust.

I know, I know, I know
that they will grow.

Hurrah, hurrah, my
aim's a bigger bra.

I must, I must, I must
increase my bust.

- Hurrah, hurrah, my aim's a bigger bra.
- Yo-ho, Sh...

Shirl!

I know, I know, I know
that they will grow...

- Shirl...
- I must... Oh-oh! My...

Hello...

- Say hi.
- Hi.

Shirl, I want you to
meet Randy Carpenter.

This is my best
friend Shirley Feeney.

Hello.

Enchantée.

Well, I'd love to stay and chat,

but I think I'll just mosey
on into the bedroom and die.

Good night. Ta-ta.

- Ta-ta.
- Good night.

- Nice girl.
- Yeah.

But not as nice as you.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Why don't we sit down?
- Yeah...

I had a great time tonight.

Yeah? We didn't
even fool around yet.

Well, that's not the only
way to have a good time.

It isn't? Oh, I mean,
of course it isn't.

There's other things you do.

Uh, listen, I, I know this
is our first date and all,

but... I think you're special.

How come?

Well, you're easy to talk to,

and I like that you're
always smiling,

and on top of that you
are very, very pretty.

Aw...

Look, I know a girl like you
probably has all the dates

she can handle, but I
really want to see you again.

Well, I am kind of busy.

Okay. All right, uh,
well, if a day opens up,

maybe you'll give me a call.

Like what are you
doing tomorrow?

Is that the soonest
you can make it?

How about tonight?

- It is tonight.
- Oh, yeah.

- Tomorrow?
- Tomorrow.

Is he gone?

Yeah. What'd you think?

You lucky dog, you!

Yeah, but what'd you think?

What did I think?!

♪ Did you ever see
a dream walking? ♪

♪ Well, I did... ♪

Oh, you really mean it?
I wasn't just imagining it?

Oh, Laverne, the
man is a prince.

The man is a knight
in shining armor.

- Oh!
- The man should have a brother.

He does.

I want to meet him.

- He's 12.
- I'll wait.

What does he do for a living?

He has a paper route.

- Not him, you ninny, Randy!
- Oh!

- Randy.
- Yeah.

- Randy...
- Yeah.

- Randy...
- What does he do for a living?!

He's a fireman.

Oh, Laverne, what a noble
profession... a fireman!

A man who saves
kittens for a living.

Oh, Laverne, Laverne,
your ship has come in,

and I'm so proud to say

that for once there's
not a sailor on board.

Oh, if I were you, I'd
corral this young bronco

and brand an "L" on him.

Don't you worry,
Shirl, he'll be back.

He'll come a-banging on my door.

Well, you seem mighty
darn sure of yourself.

Laverne?

I got his car keys.

Hey, Randy, uh, did you happen

to catch the Packer
game yesterday?

Boy, that Bart Starr can
throw a football, huh?

I mean you can keep
your Johnny Unitases,

your Y.A. Tittles,
ain't nobody like Bart.

Yeah, take it from
me. Bart is the greatest.

Yep, Bart's the best.

What an arm.

I love you.

I love you.

Yeah, I'll never forget.

It was about a minute
and a half left in the game,

you see, and it was
the Packers' ball

on their own 40-yard line.

And Bart fades back to
pass, and slips and falls down.

Then he...

Yeah, it was kind of funny,
I mean, he went down.

Anyways, Bart gets
back up, you know?

He's, uh, he's
going downfield...

Carmine, Carmine, forget it.

They're not listening to you.

Would you just look at that?

I mean, for two months
solid now, all it's been is

whispering in each other's
ear, and kissing each other

and hugging, and cooing.

Boy, that's romantic, isn't it?

Yeah.

Not here, not now.

Hey, lovebirds, what
do you say we go down

to the fire station later, huh?

Mmm...

Shirl, let's get out of
here. I can't take this.

- Listen...
- Hmm?

I have to go on duty
in a few minutes.

- No!
- Yes.

Will you come down to
the station about 9:30?

There's something
that I want to tell you.

Good or bad?

- Good.
- Good.

Hey, weren't Shirley and
Carmine supposed to meet us here?

- I guess they forgot.
- Yeah.

Come on. Sit down,
Spotty, come on.

Please sit, please.
Come on, Spotty Botty.

There you go. There
you go. Come here.

- Laverne?
- Uh-huh?

There's something
I want to tell you.

What, that the
dog's got no tail?

No, no.

Where'd they go?

Spotty! Come here, boy!

I went to all this trouble,
somebody is going to get a bath!

No, no! Please don't,
please don't, plea..

Any... I'll do anything.

Anything?

- It's okay, okay!
- Ask me, I don't care...

It's all right, it's all r...

Oh, my.

Well, I, I can, uh,
see that we've come

at another inopportune moment,

so if you'll excuse
us, we'll just be...

No, no, no, we were
just giving the dog a bath.

Of course you were.

Yeah.

- Yeah...
- Hey, Shirl, I want to show you something.

- Come here.
- What?

- See this pole?
- Yeah?

I've been dying to go down it,

but, well, I'm a little scared,
so I need you to help me.

I don't want to do that.
That looks dangerous.

- But I need you to help me.
- Oh!

Oh, all right, okay.

Laverne, you are a
yellow-bellied, sap-sucking,

lily-livered coward, and I
dare you to go down that pole.

Thanks, Shirl,
you're a good friend.

Careful.

Laverne, remember,
there was something

I wanted to talk to you about?

Uh, yeah, okay. I just
got to go down the pole.

She dared me.

So, Randy, how about
that official tour now, huh?

- Sure.
- Oh, good.

- Uh, this is upstairs.
- Oh...

- This is downstairs.
- Ah, yeah.

Uh, thank you for coming. I
hope you drive home safely.

- Nice tour.
- That went by like that.

Look, I'm sorry you guys,

it's just that when
Laverne comes down,

I'm going to... well, I'm
gonna, uh, pop the question.

Holy butterbuns, he's
gonna ask Laverne to marr...!

No!

You won't say nothing? Promise?

Shirl?

Shirl?

Look out below!

That was fun.

That was a lot of fun.

Ooh, Laverne, you
lucky dog, you lucky dog!

Oh, I'm so happy for you!

I just slid down the pole.

Well, Carmine and I
have to be going now.

- Yes, we must be leaving. No.
- No, but I want you to go down

- the pole; I did.
- No, no, no, no, Carmine and I have to go.

Come on. Try the pole!

I won't say a word, I swear.

Don't worry, Randy,
she won't say a word.

If she says she won't say a
word, she won't say a word.

Take my word for it.

He's what?!

Get out of here.

- I don't want to. No, please.
- Come here, Shirl.

Shirl, come here. Come here.

Come here.

- Carmine...
- Come here.

Carmine, she
guessed, I swear. I...

Carmine!

There was something
you wanted to tell me?

Yes. Now that
we're finally alone.

Hello.

Kosnowski and Squigman
reporting for duty, sir.

Come on. Not now guys, okay?

Yes, not now.

Officer Randy has
appointed us artificial firemen.

That's right. And
we shall never rest

until "smoke" is no
longer a four-letter word.

Look, Len! Stuff!

No, please, guys,
please, please, please...

Just let...

Uh, guys, I think it's time
I made you real firemen.

LENNY AND
SQUIGGY: Real firemen?!

Ow!

I'm fine.

Your first assignment
is to go upstairs and...

- Play pinochle.
- Play pinochle.

Oh, you won't regret it, sir.

What is pinochle?

Pinochle is that wooden
puppet with the long nose.

Oh, yeah, and the old
wood-carver Gestapo.

No, no, don't, leave
that, leave that. No.

I just wanted to
put it away nice.

Come here. Sit down.

No, no, not here, not here.

Laverne...

- There's something I want to ask you.
- Yeah?

Put the hat down.

Yes... I'll put the hat down.

- Laverne?
- Yes?

These...

- Don't play with the bench.
- No.

These past two months
have been fantastic!

Yeah.

I love you so much.

I need you, I think we
are perfect together.

Look, what I'm
trying to say is...

will you...?

Yeah?

Will you...?

No!

- No, not now!
- Got a four-alarm...

Honey, I've gotta go.

Can he meet you later?
Could he come later?

No...

Look, go home, get into your
best dress and wait for me.

I'll get there soon as I can.

I will tell you that something

- that I've been waiting to say to you.
- Okay.

67 on the northeasterly
approach to the...

I'll be waiting!

Fire, fire, fire,
someone get a net!

Here come the firemen
to get the fire wet.

I love you!

Oh, Laverne, why
did you never...?

Not you!

♪ Did you ever see
a dream walking? ♪

♪ Well, I did ♪

♪ I don't know the rest of
the words, but who cares? ♪

♪ Did you... ♪

Ah, aah! Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Hurts! I hate that, I
hate that, I hate that!

Oh, now when Randy comes
to take me out on the town,

I'm gonna be all red and greasy.

Hi, guys.

What's the matter
with you, Squig?

You didn't go, "Hello."

Laverne, we got to talk to you.

What about?

Oh, if it's about borrowing
money for your worm farm,

I told you before, you
don't need no barn.

Uh, no, Laverne, this
ain't, uh, in the worm farm.

Laverne, we were
just down at the fire.

Yeah, it was...
it was a big fire.

It was a really big fire, and,
and Randy was there fighting it.

He was fighting
it really good, too.

Oh, you'd have
been so proud of him.

I am proud of him.

Then, then the wind picked up

out of no place, and...
and the roof collapsed.

And everybody was
running around, yelling.

Laverne, Randy's dead.

Get out.

- I know how you feel...
- Get out!

We-We liked Randy, too, Laverne.

If you liked him,
then you wouldn't play

a sick joke like this!

- Laverne, you got to understand...
- Uh...

Now get out of here and
don't bother coming back!

But Laverne... Randy's not dead!

Hello, everybody.

Shirl, would you
get rid of them?

Get out of he... I
think I am. Ouch.

♪ Did you ever see a dream? ♪

Vernie... are you all right?

No.

I am so mad at Lenny and
Squiggy with their sick jokes.

I've got a good mind to go
up there and drain the pudding

right out of their bathtub.

Laverne?

- Hmm?
- Laverne?

Lenny and Squiggy
weren't joking.

It wasn't a joke.

Randy... Randy
is on his way over.

Come on. Put that down.

- Let's sit down and talk.
- I can't!

I don't have time,
Shirl. I got to fix my hair.

I want to look great
when Randy gets here.

Here's some leftover
spaghetti and ravioli.

Aw, gee, Edna,
it all looks great.

She's not gonna eat
a bite of it, though.

Well, I got some Scooter Pies.

That should be a big temptation.

Yeah. Oh, I'm so
worried about her.

I tried everything I
could, nothing worked.

She just won't
believe he's gone.

She waited up for him all night.

Around about midnight she
started cleaning the house

- so it would look nice when he got here.
- Oh...

I don't know what to do.

Do you think we
should call a doctor?

Wait till Frank can talk to her.

Oh, why did he have to be
away fishing when this happened?

Oh, Frank!

Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute! Don't...

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Before you go in there,

- there's something you have to know.
- What?

Laverne still refuses to
accept that-that Randy's dead.

She's been waiting
up for him all night.

She expects him to walk
through that door any minute now.

Got a morning paper?

Yeah, here.

Hi, Pop.

Got time for a little talk?

Oh, just a little one.
Randy's coming.

Pop, he's gonna
ask me to marr...

He's gonna ask me to marry him.

How do I look?

You look a little tired.

Maybe you ought
to get some sleep.

Why is everyone
telling me to go to sleep?

Did someone short-sheet my bed?

- No.
- Is that it?

Oh, boy... FRANK: No, no...

No, there's no
cereal or nothing...

Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit down.

We've been family
a long time, right?

All my life.

I never lied to you.

No.

I always told you the
truth, I never lied to you.

That's true.

Remember when you was a
little girl, you were six years old,

and you asked me one time
where babies come from?

I told you the truth.
I didn't lie to you.

I said, "No stork brought 'em.

You didn't get them
at a baby supermarket."

No. But you mumbled everything
'cause you were so embarrassed,

I couldn't understand
a word you said.

But I mumbled the truth.

I got to tell you the truth.

Randy's not coming.

He is, Pop, he is.

He's dead.

No, Pop, he's not.

See, he can't be dead
unless I believe he's dead,

and I just don't believe it.

"Last night, one of the largest
fires in the city's history...

♪ Did you ever see
a dream walking? ♪

"destroyed an eight-story
apartment building

"in the downtown area.

♪ Well, I did ♪

"The fire claimed one life.

No!

"Fireman Randolph
Carpenter perished

"after successfully saving
the lives of a family of five

"who were trapped
in a burning building.

"Hoseman Carpenter will be
honored with a special service

"tomorrow, and a
medal for heroism

will be presented
in his memory."

Pop, why him?

Why did it have to be him?

I remember those, those words.

I said 'em when
your mother d*ed.

I said 'em such a long time.

It hurts!

I know.

Oh, when is it gonna
stop hurting so bad?!

It's gonna hurt a long time.

But I promise you,
the hurt'll go away.

You promise?

The truth.

The truth?

I think I'm a little
tired now, Pop.

Want me to tell you the
story that you used to love?

About "The Little Girl
Who Couldn't Make Pizza"?

And her friend, the
Cowardly Pepperoni?

Huh?

No... not tonight, Pop.

I just want to be alone.

All right.

Good night, sweetheart.

Sleep well.

- Laverne?
- Yeah?

They're gonna start the
memorial service now.

They gave me his hat.

Oh, that's nice.

I'll be in in a minute, okay?

- Take Spot-o.
- Okay.

Spot and I will save
a seat for you, okay?

Randy?

I think...

I know what you
were gonna ask me.

And I just wanted you to know...

I would have said yes.

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make ♪

♪ That dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our dreams ♪

♪ Come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪