06x01 - Rebirth

[bunniefuu]

This has been a test of
the Emergency Hypnotoad System.

Had this been an actual hypnosis,

you would go limp and watch
whatever crap comes on next.

Coming up next, Futurama!

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy.

- Okay.
- Well, that's all.

Also, I'm covered with severe burns.

So? What of it?

Well, why is those things?

You mean,
you don't remember?

Nope. Nothing.
It's like when I passed out in college,

except no one drew Magic Marker
penises on my forehead.

Well, I suppose it's for the best,

considering the unbearable horrors
you've endured.

Let's never speak of it again.

It all began a few days ago.

We were interstellar fugitives
on the run from the law.

Fire all weapons and open a hailing
frequency for my victory yodel.

And so,
as you and Leela kissed goodbye

in a tender display of tonguesmanship,

we plunged into a massive wormhole,
never to be seen again.

Yeah, we're back.

Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince,
we're back at Earth!

Of course!

That was the Panama wormhole!
Earth's central channel for shipping.

How humorous.

Yes, it's sort of
a Comedy Central channel.

And we're on it now!

I get it!

We've lost power
to the forward Game Boy.

Mario not responding!

Brace for emergency landing!

Roger that.
Activate safety spheres!

Also, mine has air conditioning.

Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere,

I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage.

And the others?

Right here,
behind this horror-cloth.

Are they dead?

No, no, no, no. Much worse.

Move over, God!
Prepare for rebirth!

Wrong switch.

Come on, stem cells, work your
astounding scientific nonsense.

Fetal stem cells?

Aren't those controversial?

In your time, yes,
but nowadays, shut up!

Besides, these are adult stem cells
harvested from perfectly healthy adults

whom I k*lled for their stem cells.

Hermes Conrad!

Man! I'm dripping with placenta.

Good thing it's Casual Friday.

Amy Wong!

Ooh! Baby soft.

Indeed.

Dr. Zoidberg!

Hermes, my friend.
Let me cut off your umbilical cord.

Oops.

And the rest!

Hooray! We're back in business.

Over my dead body.

Uh, never mind.

Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow!

I'm dying.

I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

I'm on it!

It's not working!

I die happy
knowing you fell for that.

His power supply is shut.
He's flatlining!

Only one thing can keep him alive.

Possibly this thing.

Whoo! I've never felt so energetic!

That's because the doomsday device
I shoved all up in you

puts out 50 gigawatts.
That's 10 times your recommended...

Who are you, my warranty?

That was a good...

Huh?

For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing!

Keep whooping it up!

You must burn off the doomsday
energy as fast as it's produced,

or it will build to critical levels!

You don't mean...

Oh, but I do.

If you stop partying for a single second,

you'll explode and k*ll everyone here

in a fireball of melted gears
and splattered bowels!

Sounds like a party, baby!
Ooh, yeah!

Hey, speaking of splattered bowels,

can I cook you a romantic
dinner tonight, Leela?

Where's Leela?

Is she okay? Why hasn't she
acknowledged my dinner offer?

Something's wrong!

She's not responding
to my poking stick.

Poke harder, damn it!

I'm poking as hard as I can!

I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid
Leela is in an irreversible coma.

Coma, coma, coma, coma,
coma chameleon

My soul mate is gone.
Why should I go on living?

Because the pain slowly fades,
but the love is forever.

Yow!

But what if I forget
the sweet sound of her voice,

or the moist touch of
her eyeball on my lips?

Are you still hung up on what's-her-name?
Move on already!

- Maybe you're right.
- Maybe I'm always right.

"Build-a-Bot Workshop."

It's time to start living again.

At least it's something
to distract me from Leela.

Nah.

Now, that I like for some reason.

I like jelly beans. Do you?

I sure do, honey.

Come now, Fry,
you can't live out this sick fantasy.

Not without our help.

These security tapes record
everything at Planet Express,

including the ship,
shower and urinals.

And yet, it still hasn't stopped
the elusive bathroom burglar.

Maybe he's just trying
to feed his family.

Computer, analyze tapes and extract

personality profile
of one Turanga Leela.

Analyzing.
Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid.

Damn it! Analysis complete.

Hey, I was nuzzling that.

Attributes transferred.
Shoe size 12. Et cetera.

Brace for emergency landing!

What? We survived the crash?

Oh, Fry!

Party people in
the house say...

This is wonderful.

The last thing I remember,
I was dying in an expl*si*n.

Yet, here I am in the flesh,
more alive than ever.

Alive?

- You better tell her, Fry.
- Tell me what?

Anyway, my work is done.
I'm gonna hit the showers.

Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug.

What the...
Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler!

What're you doing, pooper doodle?

It's me, Leela!

Am I really just a robot?

I mean, I have Leela's memories.

Her opinion of gazelles, majestic.

Her emotions, confused and hurt.

I swear, I didn't know
this would happen.

The only thing I truly know is
I love you.

I mean, her.
Wait, help me out here.

Do the Bender! Do the Bender!

No, thank you.

I said, do it!

The truth is, Fry,
I still have feelings for you.

But are they really my feelings?

Am I just an automaton,

or can a machine of
sufficient complexity

legitimately achieve consciousness?

I agree.

I need some time to figure this out.
Until then, friends?

Okay.

Listen up, disco dummies!

You just flunked out of
Bender's College of Party Knowledge.

Yeah, baby!

Do the back dance,
do the back dance.

Good news, everyone.

I'm going to make one
final attempt to awaken Leela.

After all, there's always hope.

- Really?
- No, don't get your hopes up.

Frankly, she's just a brainless
mound of scabs and puss.

I didn't need to hear that.

No, and you don't need to see this.

Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Wake up! Wake up!
Wake up! Wake up!

Well, that's it.

I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed.

No! I refuse to give up!

Wake up, Leela! I love you!

Fry, stop. She's gone.

Dr. Zoidberg, can you note the time
and declare the patient legally dead?

Can I? That's my specialty!

As you all know, Leela's living will
states that in the event of coma,

her body is to be fed
to the wild cyclophage,

a highly endangered creature
that eats only Cyclopses.

Yup, that's what her donor card says.

Goodbye, my love.

The beast approacheth!

To the b*at, y'all
To the b*at, y'all

I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all

Bender, cut it out.
People are trying to have emotions.

You think I want to party?
I'm sick of partying.

Woo-hoo! More partying!

- Quiet, Bender.
- Cut it out.

Bender! Shut the hell up!

Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

Right. Leela's back, as if I care.

Whoo!

All right, Leela!

Thanks. It's so nice
to wake up and see...

- Leela!
- Leela?

- Leela?
- Leela.

How is this possible?

And can you believe
she wore a t*nk top to my funeral?

Shut up!
We got to get out of here!

No, you shut up,
we got to get out of here.

Yeah, baby. Come on!

All aboard the party ship!

There's no room for
two captains' butts in this chair.

There would be if you'd taken a spin class
instead of lounging around in a coma!

This is crazy.

It's like I'm looking at
an exact robot duplicate of myself.

That is what you're looking at.

Oh. How could you do this, Fry?

Coma... Sad...

I have to go.
This is just too freaky!

Please don't get upset, Leela.
She's nothing like you.

I have to go.
This is just too freaky.

I need cheering up, Bender.

I don't know, do you want
to go out and party tonight?

I hate partying.

If only I didn't have
so much crunk in my badonkadonk.

Yeah. Come on, baby.

Why does everything I date run away?

I love Leela, always and forever,

and if I loved robot Leela, too,

well, that's only 'cause
she had so much of real Leela in her.

I thought she loved me, too,
but, obviously, I was wrong as usual.

Wrong again. You were right.

Leela? Leela-Leela?

Leela-Leela.

I've been thinking, Fry.

If I lost you,
I don't think I could stand it, either.

I'd probably build a copy of you, too.

As long as robo-Leela's not
a jealous type like me, things will...

I'll k*ll you, you slut-clops!

- He's mine!
- Back off, missy!

Somebody do something!

Here, take this!

A g*n? Do I really need to...

sh**t her! She's the robot!

No! sh**t her!
She's the human!

But how do I know
who's the human and who's the robot?

- We just told you!
- Yeah, you idiot!

Okay. Fine. If you're going to be
like that, I'm not sh**ting anyone.

Right between the lungs.
Man, that was close.

I'm a robot, too!

Aha! That explains this
growth on your drive shaft!

But how is this possible?

Who knows? Oh, I do.

Allow me to explain what really
happened the day the ship crashed.

I'll protect you, Leela.

My love is stronger than
the vast majority of explosions.

Fry did, in fact, save Leela,
though at a terrible cost to himself.

I tossed him into the stem cells,

but he just bubbled away
like phlegm on a hot sidewalk.

Leela was so distraught,

she went all Blade Runner
and built a duplicate.

Then, uploaded Fry's personality

from the urinal surveillance tapes.

I sure love Leela.

Alas,
in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly,

she had overstuffed him
with copper wadding.

The inevitable static discharge
electrocuted Leela,

and destroyed both of
their short-term memories.

So that's why I'm so amazed
by these things I already knew.

What could I do?

I hung up Leela with
the other bone bags

and went to procure the final
ingredient for my stem cell brew.

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy.

My God!

I can't believe I'll never see
that particular Fry again.

Hey, where's my shoes?

Fry?

I'm sorry.
I didn't realize I was already here.

Wait, what's with all the Leelas?

- Trust me, don't ask.
- Okay, dork.

Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal,
maybe talk about myself a little bit...

Hang on. It's time to sort things out.

The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry.

And I love Leela. Any Leela.

We're robots, and we're in love.
Let's ditch these meat jackets.

Whoa! Cool!

Hasta la vista, wiener.

We'll be back, for our stuff.

Why did their voices change?

That's the one thing
we'll never truly understand.

Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it?

I'm not sure.
I lost track around the second robot.

Well, you know how I feel.
I waited for you for 1,000 years,

I can wait a little longer.

What a load a mush! I've had it.

He's gonna blow!

Party, Bender! Party for your life!

No chance, high-pants!

I'd rather die and k*ll all of you
than party for one more millisecond!

The Cyclops-eater!

Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

Geez. What does it take to k*ll me?

Bender, you blew out
your excess capacity.

You're cured!

Sweet mercy!
My hellish nightmare is over!

I never have to party again.

Well, that's that then.

We're back, everyone!

Party!

Yeah!

Whee!