06x21 - Yo Leela Leela

[bunniefuu]

I got one!

Okay, kids. Put away the
dust motes till tomorrow.

It's story time.

Today's storyteller
is a space captain

who grew up right here
at the orphanarium.

Welcome back the bed-wetter
of Building D, Turanga Leela.

Hi, kids. What book would
you like me to read first?

We don't got books no more.

What?

He means "anymore."

Look, sometimes you got to
choose between eating and reading,

so they ate the books.
Just make something up.

Make something up?
Um. Okay.

Once upon a time,
there was a, uh...

Princess?

Yes! That!

A one-eyed princess
in a long, flowing t*nk top.

And she lived in
a magical one-room...

Castle?

Yeah, if you believe
the listing agent.

Anyhow, one day, the princess
went off to tell a story.

And then, that's exactly
what she did do, that.

And they all lived happily
ever after. The end.

Miss Leela?
I have a question.

Yes, Albert?

That story was bad.

That's not
really a question.

That wasn't
really a story.

I'm sorry, kids.
I'm not a natural storyteller.

But I promise, I'll make up a
better story and come back again.

Please don't.

See you soon.

I'm sure I've got a
great kids' story in me.

I just need to think of
three of some kind of animal.

Concentrate, Leela,
concentrate.

Fry, I'm writing here.
Do you have to play that?

Yes.
It's the only song I know.

Look, friends. I accidentally
learned to tap dance.

Zoidberg, I'm trying to...

Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

Guys, guys, guess who just
got commissioned as a tugboat?

Oh, yeah!
Pachinko break!

Tokyo crazy balls!
Yes!

Oh! Good, Leela, you're here.
I'd like to describe my foot pain.

My left has a sharp, jabbing
throb near the bunion,

while the other's got a
searing pain like gout.

Maybe it's too much albumin
because of gravity...

Ugh. Even if I had a pen, I couldn't
write under these conditions.

I'm going to some other planet
where I can concentrate.

Searing, searing pain that
feels as if it were in a vice.

Well, that was rude.

Warden Vogel, I have a
new story for the children.

I'm sure they'll like it
more than my last one.

They liked hunger cramps
more than your last one.

Anyhow, you'll have to wait.
The kids are busy right now.

Is the organ-harvesting
clown here?

Nah, Rusty comes on
Tuesdays now.

Today it's the owner of the
Tickleodeon Kids Network.

Okay, kids, get ready to be
subjected to our new fall shows.

Mr. Funny-Bunny here
will gauge your reaction

by bombarding your brains
with harmless snuggle rays.

He gives me a nice, warm
feeling in my eyeballs.

Popular Slut Club.

Oh, my God.
There's Jake Finkelberg!

He's so hot.
I wish he wasn't my brother.

Popular Slut Club.

Look!
Up on the drive-thru menu!

It's Captain Mega Meat and
his young ward, Bottomless Boy.

Hurry, Captain!
A skinny kid needs our help.

Super-size me!

From the "Rowdy" Roddy
Piper Daycare Center

in Glasgow, Scotland, it's
Extreme Toddler Wrestling!

Ahhh!

Thanks for
the brain scans, kids.

Don't have any children
for the next couple of days.

All right, boys and girls, enough fun.

Your old friend Leela is
back with a brand new story.

Hi. It's great to be back.
I think you'll enjoy this one.

No!
Please.

Can't we just get
our organs harvested?

It's about some
cute little creatures

from a land
called Rumbledy-Hump.

Kids, let's meet
the Humplings!

My name is Ladybuggle
and I huggle all my friends

I'm a silly spring named Doingg
and my bouncing never ends

Doingg, doingg, doingg

They call me Princess Num Num
I'm as sweet as sticky buns

I'm Feffernoose.

Hello.

I'm scared
of everyones

Feffernoose.
What about me?

Hey, it's Garbly.
Everyone loves him

'cause they can't
understand him.

It's nice to meet you.

We're here to make you laugh and
think and smile and learn and sing

And laugh
and learn and smile

And think
and other happy things

Say more things like that.

Okey doke.

One sunny, funny day, there was an
unfamiliar visitor in Rumbledy-Hump.

Today we learned that folks are
not as different as they seem

The space gorilla's
just like us

Although
I breathe chlorine

Wow, I can't believe you
imaginated all that stuff.

Will you come back again
and tell us more stories,

and also adopt us all?

Of course
I'll tell you more stories.

I'll go think
some up right now.

Holy moly!

Lady, you don't know me, but
my name is Abner Doubledeal.

Wait, I know you.
You're Abner Doubledeal.

I brain-scanned those little
nose-pickers during your story,

and, sister,
their enjoyment glands

were squirting like
Broadway road k*ll!

Aw! They were?

Say, you seem
like a smart mark.

How'd you like to
make it into a TV show?

Sign here on this
Supercuts coupon.

I don't know.

Don't I need a degree to
write gibberish for toddlers?

Come on, Miss Leela. Don't be
a 'fraidy cat like Feffernoose.

Okay. I'll do it to show you
kids you can succeed at anything,

if you just
luck out hard enough.

Welcome to the glamorous,
big-money world of basic cable TV!

I'm going to
need that pen back.

Working on a real TV show is so
exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high.

These costumes are gonna make
it hard to go to the bathroom.

I'm not having
any problem.

We're sh**ting
in five minutes,

and this Leela broad hasn't
even delivered a script yet!

Sweet zombie Jesus!

Like it's not hard enough to make a
freakin' TV show for under 50 bucks.

Damn it.
I'll call you back, Grandma.

Nice of you
to show up, toots.

I mean that sincerely. It's
just that I'm in showbiz.

Sorry, I went to my quiet place
to write. Here's the script.

Ugh. You writers make me sick.
Nice job on the script, though.

Places, everyone!

Okay. Cheap lights.
Off-brand camera.

And non-union action!

I like ice cream.

And I like lollipops.

And I like you,
Princess Num Num.

Ew!

I'm all licky-sticky!

I don't understand. When I
like something, I lick it.

Like this raccoon.

Doingg, don't lick things
that don't want to be licked.

But how do I know what to
lick and what not to lick?

It's very simple.

If it's alive,
don't lick it

Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket

I like turtles!

So, if you're not sure
if it's alive or dead

Poke it with a stick
and lick the stick instead

Now I get it!

Ow!

Well, that's all for today.

But before we go, let's do
everything we just did two more times.

Leela, that was great!

Even I have to admire the
performance of me, Bender.

The show looks so cute.
Kids will love it!

And it looks so cruddy, their ironic
hipster parents will "love it."

Thanks, guys,
but let's be realistic.

We all know any TV show that's
even slightly good gets canceled.

Sometimes
two or three times.

Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came
in from the future. We're a hit.

What? My show is a hit?

What are you, deaf? It's gonna be
bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts.

I interfere with pacemakers.

Baby, I hope you
like drowning in caviar,

'cause that is how
you're gonna die.

Welcome back to the Young
People's Choice Awards!

In a moment, the award
for Outstanding Sext Message.

But first, the nominees
for Best New Kids' Show are...

Yo Gimme Gimme,

The Adventures of Pit-bull
and Scaredy Squirrel,

Dora the Destroyer,

and Rumbledy-Hump.

I hope you win, Leela.

Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have
the support of viewers like you.

I'm the star
of the show.

Shh.

And the Slurmie for Best
New Kids' Show goes to

Turanga Leela
for Rumbledy-Hump.

This is Turanga Leela's
first nomination

and second time
in high heels.

Wow. I feel so lucky just
to have been nominated

alongside so
many inferior shows.

And to all my young friends
at the orphanarium,

thank you for inspiring me
to be your hero.

Slurm her!

So, wait. You play
a high school student

who's also
secretly a rock star,

who's also secretly
a massage chair?

No. I play
a high school student

who's also
secretly a rock star.

But in real life,
I'm a massage chair.

Mmm.

You ever made out
with a tugboat?

Guys, I didn't have time
to mention it up there,

but I want each of you to know
what an honor it is to work with me.

Sweet ego of Montego!

Someone build a wind farm
in front of her mouth!

Leela, I mean this,

you're the greatest creative mind
since blah, blah, blah-bity blah.

But it's 2:00 a.m., and you still
haven't written tomorrow's episode.

Well, you can't
expect me to write it here

with everyone talking so
loudly about how great I am.

Sorry.

I'm taking the ship
to my quiet place

so I can be alone.

You non-creatives
can catch a bus home.

Non-creative? Ha! I'll have you
know I Bedazzle my own underpants.

That was a hell
of a massage.

Maybe the best
that ever was.

Say, where are we?

Rumbledy-Hump?

It's real!

I love eating vegetables,
don't you?

They're like crunchy,
green water.

I don't like them!
They're icky-yuckie!

Now, now, Garbly, if we
don't eat our vegetables,

we won't grow big
and strong,

like Feffernoose.

I have to be big and strong
to fight off the monsters.

Did somebody
say monsters?

This will make
a great episode.

But talk slower,
I can't type that fast.

Well, well, well.

You didn't make up
that TV show.

You just wrote down
what these space twerps said.

Oh, hell.

Leela said
a Rumbledy-Hump no-no!

Sometimes when we're mad

We say words
that are bad

And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee"
and "penis" and "gay"

Those are the 98 words
we don't say

My God!
You stole all your ideas

from those poor, innocent
creatures and hogged all the credit?

I underestimated you.

Wait. I can explain.

Nah, don't ruin it.
I'm loving the hypocrisy.

It's like catching an
evangelist in a whorehouse.

That was
the best Christmas ever.

You know
I hate lying.

But those orphans
were so proud of me,

I couldn't bear
to let them down.

At least Reverend Pickens had the
dignity to jump out the whorehouse window

with his pants
around his ankles.

Who's your friend, Leela?

He sure has a shiny
metal bumbledy-boop.

They're so cute
and harmless.

No wonder you feel safe
ripping off their act.

Bender,
I feel bad enough already.

I'm just messing with you. I love
that you're getting rich off of them.

'Cause now I can
get rich off of you.

Oh, Lord.

From now on, you give me half the
gross, or I'll blow your cover.

Fine. You'll get your cut. I don't
really care about the money anyway.

I just want to show those
poor, disadvantaged orphans

that they can
succeed In life.

Ugh. You are the worst
kind of rich person.

Be it parsnips or peppers
or kale or zucchini

I like to relax
with a spinach martini

'Cause we love
our vegetables

And cut!

That's a wrap, everybody.

Ten minute break,
then we sh**t season three.

Leela, you may have become
a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag,

but you sure cheered up
those orphans. Nice job.

Thanks so much for
inviting us to the taping.

The kids haven't been this
excited since Food Day.

Thanks.
They're my inspiration.

But not your only
inspiration, am I right, Leels?

Is somebody standing on me?

I do love inconveniencing
the underclass.

Well, we'll be on our way after we
dig through your trash for aluminum.

Okay, kids, delta pattern.
Go! Go! Go!

Miss Leela?
Yes, Sally?

I want to show you
the story I made up.

That's Gumdrop, Sticky,
Candycorn, Sourball, and Jujube.

They're brothers and sisters and
they live in Butterscotch Hollow.

Sally, that's wonderful.

You came up with that
yourself? Out of thin air?

How?

You were an orphan, and now
you're the best writer ever.

So I knew
I could write, too.

Thank you
for being my hero.

I can't do this anymore.

I don't blame you.

Having to wear a costume made
from a hollowed-out walrus.

Everyone,
I have a confession.

I, Turanga Leela, winner of
a Young People's Choice Award,

a Peabody Jr. And two Training
Emmys, am not what I appear to be.

There's something
I need to show you.

Uh-oh.

Continuing my confession, this is
the hardest thing I've ever done.

Harder than creating the
bestest show in the world?

I didn't create anything.
I stole it.

Stealing is
a form of creativity.

No, it isn't.
Guys, come on out.

Holy moly again.

Hello, Leela.

I was just telling my friends how
they shouldn't eat food off the floor.

Should we sing
a song about it?

Yes, please.

No need, Ladybuggle.

Say, what's going on here?

This planet is
the real Rumbledy-Hump,

and these creatures
are the real Humplings.

All I did was write down their
adorably repetitious hijinks.

You lied?

Like Doingg did when he
stole Garbly's pet pinecone?

You told them about that?

I should have told
the truth right away.

These simple prairie folk have
a simple prairie-ish life here,

and I was wrong to
exploit it for profit.

I'm as sad as
an upside-down smile.

You mean a frown?

We didn't have
a word for it, until now.

To think I put on an unflattering
cupcake costume for you.

To think I borrowed money from you.

I was going to
ask you to marry me.

I guess if you can't make
up stories, I can't neither.

I deserve this. And
more. Keep it coming.

Wait a second.

As a big Hollywood
TV producer,

I think I know how to
remedy this ethical lapse.

So if you don't want a
tapeworm or intestinal bug

Don't eat pastrami
that fell on the rug

And cut!

Ta-da! We got us a reality show.

No writers, no actors, no problem.

Doubledeal,
this is disgraceful.

You can't just rip off their
real lives and put it on TV.

Who said anything
about ripping them off?

I did.

I'm paying them.

Gather around, g*ng.
Here are your paychecks.

I can finally
afford my speech therapy.

And the health plan
covers my generic Prozac.

Electricity, plumbing, our
lives are a jillion times better.

And it's all
thanks to you, Leela.

Don't thank me.
I should be punished.

I've corrupted you and taught
the orphans a terrible lesson.

What orphans?
The kids were all adopted.

They were? By who?

Come on, kids, let's get this place
cleaned up for the next episode.

Albert, pick up that pastrami and put
it back on the craft services table.

You're the boss, Daddy.

Oh, God, what have I done?

You've given us a new father
and a full-time job,

which is more
than most kids have.

But...
We love it here, Miss Leela.

This is the funnest planet
in the whole world.

Don't hug me! I've
done a horrible thing!

For God's sake, somebody
teach me a lesson!

We love Leela! We love
Leela! We love Leela!

No!

We love Leela!
We love Leela!

We love Leela!