06x25 - Overclockwise

[bunniefuu]

♪ Two... two, three... ♪

♪ ♪

Bucket of hot dogs.

Check.

Butt massager engaged.

(loud whirring)
Check.

Then let the video games begin!

Wait. Hang on.

I-I lost my controller.

(scoffs)
There is no controller.

The X-Cube tracks your motions
with a built-in camera.

(whirring)

Oh, yeah?
Well, track this motion!

(devious giggling)

(zapping)
(grunts)

♪ ♪

(g*nf*re, a*tillery fire)

Frykowski!
BenderlsGreat34!

Follow me!

Sounds like fun on a bun!

(grunts)

(a*t*matic g*nf*re)

Hyah!

(others gasp)

Aw, you guys again?

(German accent):
Ach, these dorkeschoens!

Let's humiliate them with slingshots.

(g*nf*re)

(grunting)

sh**t your w*apon, Private!

Wait. How do I... Hold on.

(g*nf*re, Cubert and Fry
grunting in pain)

Oops.

Sorry to k*ll und run,

but I really must be Göring.

(all chuckling)

Ah!
(loud clattering)

(band playing patriotic music)

(music distorts and stops)

- Aw!
- Man!

Admit it, your reflexes suck!

Oh, it's true.

My circuitry's 12 years out of date.

I can't keep up with today's

high-speed, top-of-the-line kids!

You can't even keep up with me,

and I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback.
You know,

I might be able
to speed up your reflexes

by overclocking you.

Uh, what's that, sonny?

You say it'll put
some whoopie in my cushion?

(electric tool whirring)

This might take a while.

I've got to adjust the memory timing,

raise the CPU voltage,

and delete 12 terabytes
of outdated catchphrases.

Sounds like fun on a bun!

FEMININE COMPUTER VOICE: - Deleted.
- Aw.

Fry, can we talk
about our relationship?

Of course. Our relationship
is the best thing in my life,

so I'm sure I'll enjoy
talking about it with you.

(groans)
I don't know.

I guess I'm just feeling uneasy

about us being so on-again-off-again.

Maybe it's none of my business,

but if it were up to me,
we'd be on all the time.

And I mean all the time.

But what would that be like?

I mean, if we were together,

where would we be ten years from now?

- Still here?
- Definitely.

Or... somewhere else.

(groans)
Maybe I'm having some kind of...

early-life crisis, but, look,

don't you ever wonder
about the future?

Sure, but you're always in it.

Also, sometimes terminators.

All right.

You should run a lot faster now.

Unless you die.

Hyah!

(whirring, beeping)

Ooh, I'm smart!

I know how to spell "aardvark"!

February is the shortest month!

There's...

3,018 jelly beans in that jar!

(chuckles)
Oh, damn, I'm good!

I mean 3,018 rat kidneys.

(spits)

Now, then, my man, let's see
if your reflexes are...

BENDER:
Faster!

♪ ♪

(yells)

Get 'em! Get 'em!
Get 'em!

Hey, foreign aggressors, vassup?

Oh, we were just eating spaetzle
and listening to Kraftwerk...

I-I mean fire!

(jazz piano plays lively tune)

That tap-dancing decadent
jazz-baby is too fast for us!

Let's see him outrun a V-2!

(loud whoosh)

It's my brains
against your Von Braun!

(slicing, metallic ringing)

(loud clattering)

Ach! I could have fired a V8!

(loud expl*si*n, men cry out)

♪ ♪

Those guys normally stink.

That's why we play them exclusively.

Those cheaters must have cheated!

Now, Larry, let's deal with
this like mature adults.

Mommy!

What is it, you colicky bastards!

We were playing video games,

and the other kids didn't play fair.

What?! Nobody rips off
my kids but me!

(whirring)

We can find out who they are through
their motion-capture camera.

It better not be those
little Korean girls again.

Aha!

Got it!

BENDER:
Whoo! We're the greatest!

Mostly me!

MOM:
Bender Rodriguez?

WALT: But he's a stock
MomCorp bending unit,

and he's 12 years out of date.

How could he possibly play that well?

Did you see me?

History came alive, and I k*lled it!

(laughs)
If I overclock you some more,

maybe we can b*at those Korean girls!

Well, well.

That nerdburglar overclocked
the robot's processor!

And that voids his warranty.

Even an idiot like me knows that.

- An idiot like you knows nothing!
- Aah!

What matters is, it
violates the license agreement,

and that means I've got him
right by his little...

Ding-dong.
I'm saying "ding-dong"

'cause you don't have a doorbell.

Hey, pigs.
(snorts like a pig)

We're looking for a
Cubert J. Farnsworth.

You're porkin' at him.
(laughs)

You're under arrest
for felony violation

of the MomCorp license agreement.

(squealing like a pig)

What's all this oinking about?

Who called the fuzz?

Sir, who is this boy's
legal guardian?

Your porkin' at him.
(cackling laughter)

Then the charges apply to you, too.

Whuh?

♪ ♪

Farnsworth?!

What a lucky break!

After all l l these years,
I've got him!

And legally, too!

Even an idiot like me
knows he'll be ruined.

- An idiot like you is correct!
- Aah!

You overclocked Bender?

What did I teach you about
tinkering with machinery?

How. You taught me how.

I also taught you not to get caught.

Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you.

It's not my fault.
I didn't even know

Bender had a license agreement.

Neither did I... oh...

(groaning)

Bender, as my newest employee,

could you bend this
drinking straw for me?

Sure, let me just...

Whoa.
(thumping, whirring down)

MOM: First click the license
agreement, dearie.

I really shouldn't agree
to things I don't understand,

but I'm slightly thirsty.

(beeps)

Oh, God!

I clicked without reading!

And I slightly modified
a thing that I own!

We're monsters!

(both sobbing)

(pen squeaks)

(beep)

Congratulations, Mother.

Can you die happy now?

- Not yet.
- Darn.

I can't rest until this bending unit

- is restored to factory specs!
- Why not?

If people learn they can
overclock their old robots,

they won't buy my new robots!

This will not stand!

(whirring)

MOM:
Hoverfish!

Bring me the clock
of Bender Rodriguez.

♪ ♪

(sighs sadly)

Good news, everyone!

That's what the professor would say

if weren't in jail
facing a life sentence.

Guys! Guys! I discovered
I have an extra processor

in my compartment of mystery!

Being overclocked was a start,
but once I activate

this processor, I'll be all, like,

"You a big dummy, Einstein!

Get a haircut!"

(whirrs)

(rebooting music)
Oh, wow!

I can't believe how stupid I used to be
and you still are!

What are all these pagey things?

(arms whooshing through air)

(buzzing)

Look out!
You're overheating!

Yeah, yeah.

(burbling)
Yeah, now I'm water-cooled.

I can stimulate my intellect

without further
thermodynamical disruption.

I miss the old, illiterate Bender.

What's happened to you, mon?

I thought you liked beer
and knock-knock jokes.

I'm processing so fast,
it's like I can anticipate

that the ceiling fan's gonna fall
and knock Zoidberg unconscious.

(loud clatter)

Wrong, Mr. Genius.

Not that ceiling fan.

Aah!

In fact, looking ahead, it's obvious

Mom won't allow me
to stay accelerated like this.

Hmm...

Who's up for a turkey dinner
and a game of badminton?

Say what?

(beep)

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again.

(glass shattering)

(all gasp)

Bending unit,

you are ordered to report
for factory reset.

Okay, sure.

But first, this.

(ding)

I hear turkey.

(gobbling)

Hey, hey, hey. Hey.
Hey, hey. Hey.

(whirring)

(Bender giggling)

Ten more processors for me.

Once I install these,
I'll have access

to the loftiest realms of thought.

Anyone have access
to a lofty realm of gravy?

I can conceive of gravies that would
boggle your tiny mind!

But it's not safe here,
so I'll need to find a hideout.

Hideout? Bender, are you becoming

some kind of supervillain?

(burbles)

Farewell, monobrains.

♪ ♪

Your Honor, Mom is a poor,
frail industrialist

with three special sons who
require constant neglect.

Yet isn't it true, ladies
and gentlemen of the jury,

that this boy,
this Cubert Farnsworth...

(trembling, sniffling):
That's my name.

deliberately robbed her blind

by improving his own robot?!

(sobbing)
It's true!

He did it!

No further questions for this jury.

Before I call a recess
for mimosas and horse breeding,

can the defense produce
the bending unit in question?

(whispering):
We don't know where the hell he is.

Your Honor, that is something
we cannot a-doodle-doo.

Then I'm holding
the defendants in contempt

and fining them $10,000 a day
until they produce the robot.

Oh! At that rate,
Planet Express will be bankrupt in...

(whispering)

four fingers.

It's been a good run, people,

but this is the end.

Wait. I've got it!

This building's technically
in the theatre district.

If we could mount one big musical

featuring everyone's talents,

we might just save Planet Express!

We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof!

(all cheering)

We're saved!
(Leela sighs)

I've been thinking a lot

about moving on with my life,

and hearing the words
Nibbler on the Roof

has given me
the kick in the pants I needed.

It's time for me to leave
and make a fresh start.

Don't go, Leela, please!

You and me...

we were supposed to...

What?

I don't know, but some
day we'll find out.

Won't we?

Good-bye, Fry.

I don't know, Randy.

I just feel like my
life's falling apart.

The Professor's in jail,
and now Leela's gone forever.

Stay strong, Fry.

You're the best friend I have left.

And I barely even know you.

Have you thought
about asking Bender for help?

What are you, Randy,
a complete moron?

I'd love to talk to Bender,
but I have no idea where he is.

Well, if he's running
on 12 processors,

he must be someplace with a lot
of power and liquid coolant.

Oh, you're no help at all!

I'm gonna go k*ll myself.

Wait a second.

Power? Liquid coolant?

That gives me the option
of electrocution or drowning.

MAN:
Barrels here!

Can't go over the falls
without a barrel!

What are my chances of
surviving in one of those?

- Slim to none.
- I like those odds.

Wait. This isn't a barrel.

It's just a stinking cask!

I want my money back...!

Ow! Ow! Aah! Aah! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ooh!

(grunting)

That was not worth $3,000.

(water running,
rhythmic whirring)

Hello? Anybody?

BENDER:
Fry?

(whimpers)
Bender?

Are you in here?

In here is the
only place I'm not!

(laughing)

I amuse myself.

Bender, what happened to you?

I'll try to put it in terms
you can comprehend.

I passed the existential singularity.

Try harder!

I hacked myself inside-out,

and now the entire universe
is my processor.

FRY:
Whoa!

I definitely want to hear about that,

but first, I need your help.

The Professor and Cubert are
in trouble, and Leela left me.

I'm in misery!

I've grown far beyond the petty
concerns of your world.

Every time I burp,
a new galaxy is born.

(burping)

Two, if I've been eating broccoli.

All existence is just a chess game,

and I can see 50 moves ahead.

Human emotion no longer concerns me.

FRY:
But-But Randy said...

Randy?! Have you been
hanging out with Randy?

Please, Bender. If everything
is a chess game for you,

you must know how to help me.

I'm sorry, Fry, but some games
you just can't win.

Cubert and the Professor are guilty.

The jury will vote to convict.

I can't change that.

Well, what about Leela?

Is there any hope things could
still work out between us?

(chiming and trilling)

It's getting late.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have some new heavy elements
to create.

Better cover your 'nads.

It may get a little
non-Newtonian in here.

(whirring and popping)

Not only have the defendants
failed to rebut the charges,

they have not even presented
any mitigating factors

to recommend leniency.

It strikes me
as an extra-risky strategy.

Did you say extra-crispy recipe?

You know I didn't.

Your Honor, if we could locate
Bender Rodriguez,

he would testify that my
clients acted without malice.

No, he wouldn't.

Bender doesn't care about us anymore.

(all gasping)

Someone used to care
about me? Hooray!

In that case, the jury
will begin its deliberations.

Bailiff, release the jury collies.

(barking)

I finally nailed Farnsworth.

Destroying the boy
is just icing on the cake.

No one destroys a boy
like you, Mother.

Thank you, you
repulsive disappointment.

Any word from Leela?

I heard she took a job
selling deep space real estate,

somewhere beyond
the most distant thing

ever observed with a telescope.

She always liked not being
observed with a telescope.

(whooshing)

(all gasping)

Order! Order in the head!

BENDER: For reasons beyond
even my comprehension,

I have returned to testify
on behalf of the defendants.

- Yay!
- Yeah, Bender!

I knew he cared about us!

You said you knew he
didn't care about us.

Leave me alone.

Your Honor, I object to
this surprise witness.

He's too surprising.

Sustained! Testimony has closed.

But, Your Honor...
Silence!

One more inburst like that,

and I'll have this courtroom
removed from you!

(whooshing)

I... I'm sorry, guys.

I didn't realize

I was late.

I guess I'm not as smart
as everybody thought.

I was born in prison,
and I'll die in prison.

There is still one hope.

You're co-defendants,

and the jury might not want
to convict a 12-year-old.

Son of a nerd!

He may be right.

Make sure Farnsworth

doesn't get off easy on account
of that snot-gobbling twerp!

Has the jury reached a verdict?

Not just any verdict,
Your Honor. A great verdict!

(crying)

They're going to take pity on him!

Do something!

Your Honor, prosecution moves

to drop the charges
against Cubert Farnsworth.

(gasping)

Very well.

The case against Cubert
Farnsworth is hereby dismissed.

Told you I'd get away with it.
(snorts)

That'll do, pig.

Please read the verdict
against Professor Farnsworth.

You got it, Judge.

I think you'll find this verdict

as fair as it is cruel.

BENDER:
Your Honor,

I move for a mistrial
on grounds of double jeopardy!

Cubert Farnsworth
cannot be tried twice

for the same crime.

(all gasping,
Hyperchicken squawks)

Cubert is the Professor's clone,

ergo they are legally
the same person.

Since you dismissed
the charges against Cubert,

you cannot convict the Professor
of these same charges!

Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle.

He's right!

What a brilliant legal shenanigan.

Case dismissed!

(cheering)

Bender, you knew all this
would happen, didn't you?

Yes. All except this part.

Ow!

If I can't bring down Farnsworth,

I can at least dumb down his robot.

Take him away and reset him
to factory-stupid condition!

Bender, wait!

While you can still calculate
the future, just tell me...

what's gonna happen
with me and Leela?

There's no time now.

(gasps)
Quick, Zoidberg!

Take three steps to your right!

Oh!

(Bender giggling)

Oh, we've had some tough times,
but at least we won a Tony.

You won a Tony. Feh.

Wow. You gave up your
super-intelligence to save us.

Why did you come back?

Honestly, I couldn't
think of one good reason,

but some decisions
can't be made by thinking.

Even if you're drunk.

(burping)

No galaxies there.

(door whooshes open)
LEELA: Knock, knock.

Oh! Oh!
Who's there?

Leela?!
(overlapping chatter)

BENDER:
Leela who?

FRY:
It's good to see you.

Is it good to see me?

- Of course.
AMY: - Come on in, Leela.

Take that ugly coat off.

Thanks.
Hi, everybody.

So tell us,

how's the intergalactic
real estate going?

Pretty good. I just sold
a castle to the King of Space.

But somehow, I keep finding myself

thinking about this place...
and things.

Things like me, or things
like this badminton racquet?

You, Fry.

Bender, while you still have
your giant brain,

please, tell me if Fry and I
ended up together.

It's too late, Leela.

He's good old Bender again.

He's totally useless.

Well, not totally.

Before they reset me,
I figured out the answers

to life's great questions.

Uh, this is the reason we exist.

This is which ceiling fans
are gonna fall.

Aha! Found it!

"Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate.
By Bender."

FRY:
Uh...

It's probably better
if we don't know.

Uh, mystery of life and whatnot.

Give me that!