07x15 - 2-D Blacktop

[bunniefuu]

♪ Two... two, three... ♪

7x14
2-D Blacktop

And finally, I'm sure
you've all noticed

the fabulous chandelier
you'll be delivering.

What? Where?

Up there.

(gasps)

Nice.

It's extremely delicate,

so if one of you breaks it,
you're paying for it!

- Fry did it!
- Did what?

Just practicing for later.

♪ ♪

Ah, perfect timing.

I just turbocharged
the ship's matter compressor.

What's the matter compressor?

Nothing's the matter, Fry,

now that I've turbocharged
the matter compressor.

(groans) Instead
of making the ship faster,

how about installing
some seat belts?

Seat belts are dead weight.

I feel the need for speed!

Yes, but I feel
the nafety for safety.

Oh, fuff! I don't get
all up in your business

when you upgrade your bazooms!

That's because my bazooms

don't put anyone's life
in danger!

(grunts)

Done broke my spine.

Nice rack, though.

Thank you, Scruffy.

♪ ♪

(whirring, crackling)

(sputters)

(expl*si*n)

Oh!

You wrecked my
dear ship, Bessie?!

I just finished naming her.

LEELA:
Never mind the ship.

What about us?

(Woozy gibberish)

Fry did it!

We've had it with
this flying slaughterhouse.

We're having it
towed away for scrap,

and we're getting
a new, safer ship.

(rumbling, beeping)

Here I comes to save the days.

(whirring)

This is how you treat me?

After all the good news I've
given you over the years?

Well, if you don't want Bessie,

you don't want me.

Good-bye!

_

Don't worry, shippums,

with a whole junkyard
of spare parts to work with,

I'll turn you into a tepid rod.

Oh, what the heck-- a hot rod!

(whirring)

Ooh! Ooh!

(whirring slows to a stop)

(bird chirping)

Ah... time for
the mornings meltsdowns.

(sputtering coughing)

I'll pay you back, I swear.

Yeah, yeah,
I heards its befores.

(beep)

(flame whooshing)

(wheezy cough)

Next up,
the Planet Expresses ship.

(rumbling)

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whats the...?

In your face, sucker!

Also, I'll send you a check
for the parts I stole!

Okays, ya honest young punk!

Now ons to the next junker.

(flame whooshing)

(grunts)

(horns honking, beeping)

Ah, the open road!

Not a ship ahead of me.

(engines roaring)

Yo, Methuselah, speed it up!

You're making the roads unsafe
for us maniac street racers!

Step off, you greasers!

I was street-racing back when
ships still ran on moonwater!

Damn, yo,

get a load of speed geezer!

(laughter)

Hey!

That's it, you hoodlums!

Your mouth just wrote
a PayPal transfer request

that your butt has
insufficient funds to honor!

Yo, it is on!

Before that, it was off.

Twice around Central Park.
Loser has to make the winner's

Medicare copayments for a year!

A'ight.

On three. One...

Aw, it just got real.

So real I don't believe it.

...two...

(whirring, clacking)

Aw, man, I can't afford
no Medicare copayments!

...three!
(crazed laughing)

♪ ♪

(engines roaring)

_

(horn beeps)

♪ ♪

MAN:
Whoa...!

(horn honks)

Wrinkles got some
mad moves, yo.

Yo, Wrinkles,
you got big glasses.

I'm gonna call you
the Professor.

What?! No one calls me that!

(whirring)

(screeching)

Hey, Minx, we survive this,

can I finally get that date?

Nah. You know
I'm with Benny.

Girl, he don't own you!

Yeah, but he saved me
from my abusive father.

Not physically abusive;
verbally.

It's a long story I can't get
into while we're spinning out.

(screeching)

♪ ♪

(crazed laughing)

♪ ♪

(both scream)

(yelling, screaming)

Ow! Paper cut!

Whoa!

Hey, Earl,

it's that
street-racing g*ng

we've been trying
to bust for years.

Unsuccessfully, I might add.

Guess this is your
lucky day, Pimparoo.

Those punks have
endangered our citizens

for the last time.

(siren wailing)

(grunts)

Ironic!

(horn honks)

(siren wailing)

Whoa, it's the police!

Let's turn and burn!

Running off, eh?

You're pathetic!

You wouldn't be scared
of the po-po

if you had a ship like mine.

Yo, Professor,
if your ship's so dope,

why are those cops on your tail

like my dad's verbal abuse
on my psyche.

'Cause you haven't seen
what old Bessie can do yet.

Sayonara, Tokyo driftwood!

(screeching)

(deep zapping)

(siren wailing)

- What the what?!
- Whoa, snap!

Dude pulled
a dimensional drift!

(siren wails, stops)

I can't believe
we lost 'em again.

I need a drink.

Nah. We're on the job.

Let's just go pepper-spray
some homeless families.

♪ ♪

(zapping, whirring)

- Whoa! - Wow!
- Gee!

That was a sick move, yo!

Thank you.
I have no idea what that means.

You got a death wish, Professor.

Something must've happened
in your life that hurt you,

just like us.

In my case,
it was verbal abuse.

That's in the
rearview mirror, baby.

It wasn't what
he said that hurt,

it was what was left unsaid.

Sometimes the best way to
deal with your problems

is to drive away
from 'em real fast.

So, yo, you want to
hook up with our crew?

Again, no idea what that means.

Good news, everyone!

Our safe new ship has arrived,

and it's gonna
knock your socks on...

where they belong.

Ta-da!

(cheering, whooping)

ALL (quieting):
Ooh. Ah.

Is it inside that box?

No. That's the ship.

The boxy shape keeps it
from going too fast.

And check out the interior.

(door alarm chirps)

(mechanical whirring)

Note the rear-facing
safety seats.

Cool!

(leather-like creak)

Hey, wait.
If I'm backwards,

I can't see out the windshield.

There is no windshield.

Who needs a big,
breakable piece of glass

when we can just
monitor everything

on the padded dashboard display?

(creaking)

At least there's a cup holder.

That's an arm holder.

(grunting) Hey!

Well, let's break this ship in.

This package is going
to Glorionimous 3,

which orbits an incredible
rainbow giant star.

All right!

Let's ride!

♪ ♪

(slow beeping)

(yawning)

Safe and sound.

♪ Bender is bored,
Bender is bored ♪

♪ Bender, Bender, Bender... ♪
(continues singing)

Leela, Bender's bothering me!

COMPUTER VOICE:
Driver distraction detected.

(muffled):
♪ Bender, Bender, Bender ♪

(crackling)
(muffled singing continues)

_

Amazing!

You multicultural punks

just race and tinker
all day long?

And we rap about our problems.

Like my aunt's neighbor
is a hoarder.

Stack of magazines
fell on her cat.

(low sob) It's hard, you know?

Yo, you're not alone.

Hey, Professor, that
dimensional drift was hot!

How'd you rock that?

It's simple, Minx.

All you need

is a 4-D intake manifold.

(whirring)

It sucks in fourth dimension,

creating a friction-less
wormhole.

- Whoa!
- Dig that!

Ain't no thing
but a hyperchicken wing.

(both snoring)

(loud bang) (all gasp)

What?

Huh. I guess we're here.

Let's make the delivery.

(mechanical whirring)

COMPUTER VOICE:
Delivery auto-completed.

Welcome home, heroes!

The ship did everything?

But we didn't have
an adventure.

This is a delivery company.

We need less adventures,
not more adventures.

Now come on, let's go
to the ready room

and wait
for our next assignment.

(whooshing)

- Leela...
- Ready for action, sir!

Uh... okay.

I need you
to pick up a few groceries.

Oh, and on the way, drop off Fry
and Bender at karate class.

Oh, right, it's Wednesday!

Today we're gonna learn
spinny kicks!

Yay!
(whooping)

_

(whirring)

_

(squeaking, thudding)

(whirring)

(laughter)

(laughter continues)

(grunts)

(gasps, groaning)

(ding)

COMPUTER VOICE:
Stop sign in 75 feet.

(ding) Stop sign in 50 feet.

I know how to stop
at a stop sign!

(thudding, metallic clinking)

(squeaking)

Yo, soccer mom, speed it up!

Move that lunch bucket!

(whirring)

Oh, Leela!

Professor?!

What did you do
to the Planet Express ship?

And why are you wearing
a leather lab coat?

Because unlike you, I'm cool.

I drive fast late at night
when I should be sleeping.

But you wouldn't understand.

I understand I can still
outdrive your saggy ass,

even in this clunker.

- Ooh! - Ooh!
- Ooh!

That one-eyed housewife
called you out!

When and where, PTA?

(engine revving)

What kind of glorked
up drag strip is this?

Möbius drag strip, man.

Okay, no cops,
no laws, no rules.

Now here are the rules.

Once around both same-sides
of the half-twist

and back
to the starting finish line.

Ready?

(engine revving)

(engine revs)

Leela, Professor,
don't do this!

It's too exciting!

Mark... set...

go, yo!

(high-pitched whirring)

(engine trilling)

(engine revving)

(squeaking)

(engines revving)

One more lap!

Nah, half a lap.

You forgot, on a Möbius
strip, two laps is one lap.

(chuckling)

You kids and your topology.

(engine trilling)

The lady from work is winning!

(chirp) Looks like you're
about to lose to a minivan.

Unless you have any surprise
moves you've forgotten about.

No, no. Wait!

Dimensional drift!

(squealing)

(Professor screams)

(all gasping)

(trilling)

(Professor screaming)

(laughing)

Now who's in the lead?!

Seriously, I have no idea.

(trilling)

(engine revving)

(trilling and revving)

(Fry grunts)

(metallic clanking)

Hooray!
A tie!

(Amy gasps)

Do you think
they're... dead?

No, no. I choose
to believe

they're alive
in some other dimension.

Screaming in agony.

(crying) I hope so.

What's going on?

Why do I look like
a stupid cartoon character?

I feel like I lost weight.

- All of it.
- Remarkable!

It seems that colliding
at relativistic speed

has collapsed us down
into two dimensions.

Oh, no! Like Flatland?

Call it what you will.

The point is, the new Shrek
movie won't look nearly as good.

I was taking a nap
in the back seat.

Anything happen while I was...?

(silly screaming)

(rhythmic beeping,
tires squeak)

Bloods on the Möbius strip.

When will these kids learns?

(electrical crackling)

(cries) So now what happens?

It's the end of Planet Express
and life as we know it.

We're out of business
unless we find a new crew!

Yo, dawg, we're a crew.

Well, that solves that.

If we're gonna be co-workers,
I got to be straight with you.

I've been... (sniffles)

emotionally scarred by years
of unspoken verbal abuse.

I'm Zoidberg.

Nice to meet you!

Hey, Flatso, how do we get out
of this two-bit dimension?

There's a simple
answer for that.

We can't.

(gasping)

But on the upside,

we've got a whole dimension
to explore

with entirely
different laws of physics.

Why, watch what happens
when I drop this marble.

Well, that's the same,

but other things are different.

Come, look at this
two-dimensional bird's nest.

Ooh, me first!

I'll just step past Leela here.

- Ow!
- Ow!

You can't step past
in this dimension.

You have to step around.

(mocking gibberish)

Observe
this two-dimensional egg.

If we were in the third
dimension, looking down,

we'd be able to see
an unhatched chick in it,

just as a chick inside
a three-dimensional egg

could be seen by an observer
in the fourth dimension.

Fourth dimension?!

I can't picture
that! You're dumb.

Halt!
(startled muttering)

Who said that?

All I see are a bunch
of vertical line segments.

We are the Lords of Flatbush.

Come. The king has declared
a feast in your honor.

Wow. How did he even know
we're here?

'Cause I'm him.
Let's eat.

(creaking)

♪ ♪

(whistling)

(giggles)

(plays fanfare)

The feast is served!

Choose whatever two-dimensional
foods you like.

Crepes, flatbread,
McDonald's hamburgers.

You get the idea.

Yum! Apples!

Hey, how come I can't swallow?

Hmm. I guess
it's because

our two-ended digestive system
can't exist in this dimension.

I suppose
that could be an issue.

(muffled speech)

I knew it. I knew
he'd get us k*lled somehow.

As you can see, or
rather can't see,

but take my word for it,

such a digestive
system would divide

a 2-D being into
separate pieces!

So how are we supposed
to eat and digest?

Got it.

Well, since we have
no digestive systems here,

I guess we'd better get back to
the third dimension after all.

Third dimension?
I can't picture that!

You're dumb.

(laughter)

There's nothing funny
about science!

If there can be an X-axis
and a Y-axis,

why not a Z-axis?

He's opening our minds
to new ideas!

k*ll him!

(all yelling)

(grunting and gasping)

(gasping)

To the ship!

Which ship?

Leela's!

It's safer.

Safety kills.
We got to move!

(yelling)

Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go!

Oh, what's the point of fleeing?

Even if we escape
from those creatures,

we'll still be stuck in
this dimension till we starve.

Wait. What about
a dimensional drift?

If it went through
the fourth dimension before,

maybe here, it'll go
through the third dimension!

By God, you're right!

But to keep us there,
I'd need to accelerate

to dimensional escape velocity
during the drift.

Oh, if only Minx
could see that.

Then she'd see me as more
than just a father figure.

(whirring)

Now's good.

(squeaking)

(whirring)

(high-pitched
electrical hissing)

PROFESSOR:
Two point one dimensions!

Two point two!

Two point pi!

FRY: Look, up there!
There's some up!

LEELA:
The third dimension!

Indeed, but we're about to crash
into some sort of huge disk!

(all screaming)

FRY: My bowels returned
at a bad time!

(whooshing)

I'd likes to say a few words.

(clears throat)

I'm gonna burns them ups.

(beep, whooshing)

(gurgling)

(hissing)

(squeaking and hissing)

(whooshing)

ALL:
Oh!

(whirring)

We're back, baby!

(cheering)

It's been an emotional
five minutes,

but I guess everything
worked out in the end.

Yo, boss, not everything.

(sighs heavily)

(phone rings)

Hello?

Dad?!

(whirring)

(sirens wailing)