06x13 - I Do, I Do

[bunniefuu]

♪ One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight ♪

♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪

♪ We're gonna do it! ♪

♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪

♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪

♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪

♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪

♪ Doin' it our way ♪

♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪

♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪

♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪

Okay, so, it's two
Tee-Pee Tacos, right,

and two Rooster Ribs?

Yeah, real good.

Two tacos! Two ribs!

Girls, I want to thank
you for helping out

while Frank is going to
Cowboy Bill University.

Aw, hey, we don't mind.

I'm proud to help put
my pop through school.

Do you know he
is the first DeFazio

to ever go to college?

He's majoring
in deep fat frying.

One can never get
enough education.

- Shirl. Shirl.
- Aw!

- What?
- Listen to me, listen to me.

I know this is gonna
sound crazy, but...

doesn't that guy
look like London

of London's Bridges?

And that other guy

look like his cute
guitar player there?

It's him! It's him!
I can't believe it.

It's London, the
cutest rock singer

since God blessed
this earth with Fabian!

I've never heard of
this London's Bridges.

Is he anything like
Herbert's Hermits?

- Herman's Hermits.
- They only have

one of the hottest
records in the country.

They play it on the radio
every hour. You know...

♪ Love, love, love ♪

♪ Fits me like a
glove, glove, glove ♪

♪ From Heaven up
above, 'bove, 'bove ♪

♪ I'm giving you a
shove, shove, shove... ♪

All right, all right, all
right, the title of the song

is "Moonlight in Vermont."

- No.
- You're so witty, Edna.

Come on, let's talk to them.

Don't be stupid!

- What do you want to do?
- No, you have...

you have to think of
something original.

How about, "May
I take your order?"

That just might work.

You're always thinking, Edna.

Hello.

May I take your London?

What she means is,
may we have your babies?

I mean, may we have your order?

Hey, I love these
California birds.

He called us "birds."

Hey, why don't you get
us two Tee-Pee Tacos

and a couple of them
Coyote Sodys, please.

Two tacos! Two Sodys!

I'm sorry for the
delay, I really am.

- Here you go.
- Good.

They don't call this
"fast food" for nothing.

Some people don't
even call it food.

I'm Laverne DeFazio.

And I'm Shirley
Feeney, and may I say

that it's an honor to have
you breaking bread with us

here at Cowboy Bill's.

Oh, thank you very much.

- I'm Derek...
- Don't tell me.

You're Derek DeWoods,
you're six feet tall,

you weigh ten stones,

your pet peeve is girls
who wear hair spray...

and you sleep in the raw.

And you,

you're London, you
have no last name,

you're five-foot-ten,
nine-stones-seven,

you have no pet peeve,

and you sleep in
periwinkle blue jockey shorts.

There, you see? People
do read that rubbish

we put on the
back of our albums.

Yeah. Hey, would you two babes

mind getting us
our Coyote Sodys?

I'm very thirsty.

Coming right up.

I love when he calls us "birds."

The English, the English
make everything sound

so Shakespearean.

Look, London, when
can I buy a castle?

Oh, listen here, Derek,
look, it's really simple.

Let me explain it to you. Look.

Now, this taco is our money.

- This is?
- This is our money.

So what happens is,

first, our manager
takes the lettuce, yes?

Then second, our tour
expenses eat up this tomato.

And then third, what happens is,
the Queen's tax man comes along

and gobbles all the meat.

So what have we got?

A messy hand.

No, in the taco.

Oh.

Nothing.

You've got it.

Got what?

Nothing.

So when do I buy a castle?

That's just it, you don't.

Bloody taxes!

Here we go, here we
go, two Coyote Sodys

for our cousins
from across the sea.

And they are on the house.

I hope this makes up
for the Boston Tea Party.

Ooh, aren't they ducky!

First birds, now ducks.

I just love the mother tongue.

Oh, thank you.

Hey, listen, Derek, stop
worrying about the taxes.

You know, we're gonna
have a great party tonight.

Oh, uh, yeah, by the way,
we're having a big bash tonight

to-to kick off the tour.

Would you two
girls like to join us?

Oh, no, I... Sure.
When and where?

Uh, 8:00, 900 Blue Jay Way.

More birds. Okay, well,
we better get ready, Shirl.

Thank you very much
for the gracious invitation.

Pip-pip! Cheerio!

Snap, crackle, pop.

♪ Your love, love, love ♪

♪ Fits me like a
glove, glove, glove ♪

♪ From Heaven up
above, 'bove, 'bove ♪

♪ I'm giving you a shove ♪

♪ If you ♪

♪ Don't give me some love ♪

♪ You were like
a brother to me ♪

♪ Sha-la-la ♪

♪ Till I met your sister ♪

♪ Sha-la-la ♪

♪ You were so
much nicer than she ♪

♪ Sha-la-la ♪

♪ I should know, I kissed her ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Aah! ♪

♪ Your love, love, love ♪

♪ Fits me like a
glove, glove, glove ♪

♪ From Heaven up
above, 'bove, 'bove ♪

♪ I'm giving you a shove ♪

♪ If you ♪

♪ Don't give me some love ♪

♪ If you ♪

♪ Don't give me some love ♪

♪ If you ♪

♪ Don't give me some love. ♪

Thank you! Hope you're
all enjoying the party.

We'll be back a little
bit later with our flip side,

"Fits Me Like a Sock."

- Let's go talk to the guys.
- Laverne.

I want to remind
you of something.

- Huh?
- This is not a brewery party.

Do not embarrass me.

This is Hollywood.

There are people
here with capped teeth.

Okay?

Well, I'm gonna
check it out up close.

- Don't...
- Hi.

Are your teeth capped?

No, I'm just pleased to see you.

- Hey, glad you girls could make the scene.
- Oh.

You'll have to excuse
us for a minute, though.

Bobby Dylan is supposed
to be here somewhere.

Is she?

Oh, well... just go
about and tend to him.

Don't-don't leave
Bobby wandering around

like a rolling stone.

- Shirl, they know Bob Dylan.
- Huh?

They call him Bobby.

- Let's go find him.
- Laverne...

don't embarrass
me with Bob Dylan

by opening his mouth and
looking for capped teeth, all right,

- I won't.
- Like you did with Derek.

- How does my hair look?
- Your hair looks fine.

I was a little worried about...

That looks good.
Go like this with...

Lads, I'm just coming on

to one of these brownies.

It's really blowing me away.

Yeah, it is very drafty in here.

You should really pluck
your eyebrows more.

I did pluck 'em,
I did pluck 'em.

Leave that alone,
would you? You look fine.

Yeah, but if Bobby Dylan is here

this place must be
crawling with celebrities.

- Yeah.
- Are you anybody?

I know Fabian.

Are you anybody?

Uh, Julius LaRosa
was once in my home.

I brought him there.
Are you anybody?

Uh, I was in a movie
with Troy Donahue.

Me, too.

- Oh, my heart!
- What is it? What?

I think that's Simon
and Garfunkel.

Hello.

Yep. How you doing?

Who invited you
two to this party?

The Squignoski Talent
Agency of Burbank

needs no invitation
to crash any party.

- I'm so disappointed.
- Really.

Oh, you're disappointed?

We thought you was
Flatt and Scruggs.

Yeah. Look,
believe us, we'd love

to nob-nob with you,

but we hear they're
passing around Mary Jane

in the jolly room.

Mm-hmm, and we want to sign her.

She seems very popular.

Excuse me, excuse me.

It's awfully smoky
in the jolly room.

- Pipes, Laverne.
- Huh?

- The English love their pipes.
- Oh.

- Hey.
- Huh?

Would you like a hit? Mary Jane.

Uh, oh, no, Mary
Jane's in the jolly room.

I'm Laverne.

No, no, a puff. Come on.

Oh, oh, no, no, thank
you, we don't smoke.

Hey, this isn't
ordinary marijuana.

This is Acapulco Gold.

Marijuana?

Let's try it.

- Excuse us.
- What? I want to try it.

Laverne, don't be stupid!

Do you know what that is?
That's loco weed, Laverne.

- Loco weed!
- Oh, just try it.

One puff of that, and your
mind turns into a tekkamaki roll!

Oh. How do you know that?

Laverne, don't you
remember in high school

that movie we saw,
Reefer Zombies?

Yeah, well, those
zombies looked like

they were having
a pretty good time.

Laverne, Laverne!

- Laverne, Laverne.
- Stop it.

Aren't you a little bit curious?

I mean, we've never tried it.

I've never tried
tattooing my lips, either.

Well, maybe you should.

What do you mean by that?

It would make
'em fuller, that's all.

- Laverne, please...
- Aw, the guy's gone.

Oh, my goodness!

What have we here?

Laverne, your
favorite... Brownies!

Come on, let's have one.

A much better way
to enjoy a party.

A little dry, aren't they?

There's a strange under-taste.

Boy!

Oh, my God.

They're all staring at us,
Len. They're all staring at us.

Maybe it's 'cause
we're up so high.

Len, we are flying.

No, I think we are.

- I think we are, yes.
- Oh, hi, Laverne!

- Where?
- Lenny, Squiggy, come here.

- They're-they're staring.
- Come on. Come on. -Come on.

You know, I've always
liked you, Laverne.

I know you do, Len.

Just how much of that
Mary Jane did you have?

Oh, you know, we
never found her.

Every time we asked
somebody where she was,

they just blew smoke in
our face and we went away.

- Squiggy?
- Huh?

Squiggy, how could
you be so naive?

Don't you know that
that so-called "smoke"

is in actuality reefer gas?!

Didn't you know that?!
Didn't you know that?!

Questions! Questions!

Everybody's drilling
me with questions!

I feel like I'm grilled,
like I'm cheese!

Come on, Squiggy.

Look at them!

They're all staring at me!

Coincidence?

I think not!

Come on, just
calm yourself, just...

Huh? Huh? I'm calm.

It's all right.

Uh, Lenny?

Yeah? Oh, hi, Laverne!

Hi-ya. Lenny, tell me,
uh, what does it feel like?

Well...

for the first time,
I can really...

sort of feel my pancreas.

It's very slimy, and...

and I think my
hearing is improving.

Hello?

No, no, that's the microphone.

Oh. Oh, I love this
song, Laverne! I have to...

I'll be with Lenny.

Lenny? They're-they're
going to talk about me.

- Squiggy, listen to me.
- Huh?

Listen to me, Squiggy.

Squiggy? Now you
want to talk about me!

No, I'm talking to you.

Oh, sure, first you talk
about me, then you talk to me.

Next thing you
know, I won't be able

to cash a check in
this crummy town!

- Squig, please, please. Come on, let's...
- Aah.

Let's-let's walk
over to the door.

- Come on.
- You want me dead, don't you?

- No, no. No, I...
- Yes.

Then you could inherit
my Uncle Wolfgang's farm.

- I know it.
- Lenny!

Oh, hi, Laverne!

Boy, my hearing is
getting better all the time!

Put these things down!

Oh. Is-is this better for you?

No, no, no.

Put 'em on the floor.

Oh, that's better.

- Lenny? Lenny?
- Yes?

Please. Is it true everything
goes in slow motion?

Mm... no...

I think you boys
should go outside

- and get some fresh air. Come on.
- Oh.

- How do we know it's fresh?
- Come on.

- Have you got a date on it?
- Squiggy, go on. Go on.

Now aren't you glad we
stuck to the brownies?

Well, to tell you the truth,
with Lenny and Squiggy,

it didn't seem to make
such a big difference.

You should do what Benny
and the Beefeaters did.

They all married American girls

and became
residents of the States.

Saved 'em all a bundle in taxes.

Hey, good idea.

Then I could buy a castle.

Hey, it sounds fab,

but, uh, we're off
on tour tomorrow.

- Huh.
- Do what?

Where could we find
two girls daft enough

to marry us that quick?

America, the land
of opportunity.

Wow.

Some pretty hot
jamming there, girls.

And you were scared.

Uh, you're never
gonna believe this,

but I sort of taught
myself how to play.

Oh, I believe that.

You know, actually, this
was my first time on the skins.

I did, however, play
the triangle once

in the Christmas pageant
in the fourth grade.

Hey, uh, Shirley?

Uh, huh? Oh, no, I'm Laverne.

Whatever. Why, uh...

Why don't we get married?

Yeah, I want to
marry you, too, Shirley.

Were you joking about
wanting to marry us?

Oh, heavens, no.

No. We love you.

They love us.

You love us? Well, we
haven't even held hands yet.

Oh, we can soon
take care of that.

Okay? What say we hit
Vegas and tie the knot?

Yeah. After that,
we can get married.

Sounds good to me.

Oh, gee, I don't know.
This is so serious.

I-I don't... I don't know.

Oh, you don't have to make
up your mind right away.

Think it over.

Yeah. We'll give you a minute.

While you're at it,
have another brownie.

Ah. Thank you.

A couple.

Where are our two
blushing brides?

Well, the last time I saw them,

they were trying to pick
the flowers off the wallpaper.

Why?

'Cause they're stoned
out of their gourds.

How?

From Malcolm's brownies.

What?

They were full of marijuana.

Why?

To get them high.

Why?

So they'd marry us.

What?

Well, why else would
anyone marry you?

Because of me personal
animal magnetism.

Oh. That's just
something we made up

for the fan magazines.

Oh.

Your happy brides are ready!

And gosh, are they happy.

What's so funny?!

Girls? Girls? Girls?

- Oh.
- Oh.

Oh.

Hey, they're only half-dressed!

Yeah, I thought

the complete package
came with complete gowns.

You only need the front of
the dress for the pictures.

Yeah? Well, we
need the back for after.

The grooms are over
there by Reverend Ernie.

Right over there. Over there.

- Hi.
- Oh, hello.

Well, your time is up.

I've got to start a bingo
game in the next room.

But then, uh... you do
look very much in love.

I'll be back.

Come on, Ernestine.

We've got some
bingo cards to sell.

♪ Amen. ♪

Amen.

- Hey, come on, girls.
- Oh.

- We've got to get on.
- Oh.

Got to get this
wedding over with.

We've got to be in San
Francisco tomorrow.

- San Francisco?!
- Oh! Oh!

We're going to San
Francisco on our honeymoon!

Oh!

- Oh!
- Oh!

We could look for
Tony Bennett's heart.

Oh, the poor man...
He has no heart.

It probably rolled
down one of those hills

and plopped into the bay.

Oh, look, it's the last brownie.

Hey, don't eat that!

- Hey, that's enough of that.
- No. Spit it out.

You've had enough of
those marijuana brownies.

- Come on, spit it out.
- Come on, spit it out.

- Spit it out, come on.
- I've got...

Marijuana brownies?!

How terrible to put marijuana

in people's food
without even telling them!

Go on. Go on.

Oh, my goodness!

This is just like a scene
out of Reefer Zombies!

The scene where the
guy ate the marijuana salad

and then tried to gouge the
eyes out of his baked potato!

Run, Laverne! Run, Laverne!

Run, run... Come
here. Come here.

Run over here.

Shirl?

We're stoned.

I am not.

- I am not stoned.
- Yeah, we are!

- No, I'm not.
- Yeah!

- You see what happens?
- What happens?

No one should ever
sneak marijuana

into anyone's food.

All right, let's get
this show on the road!

Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here tonight,

in Ernie's Discount Wedding
Chapel and Bingo Parlor,

to join in holy matrimony
these two loving couples.

B-13.

Now, do you take Shir...

Excuse me, excuse me!
If I'm going to get married,

I would like to use my
spiritual name, if I might:

Starmonkey.

I was going to take that.

No, I have it first.

Okay, I'll go with
my second choice:

- Lemon Pledge.
- Huh?

Well, that captures the
essence of your being.

- And it smells good, too.
- Mm-hmm.

Uh, for all I care,
you can call yourself...

O-73!

Now, do you London and
Derek take the... take, uh...

- Starmonkey.
- Starmonkey... yes, thank you...

And Lemon Pledge to be...
- I do.
- I do.

I-27.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

And now, do you, Starmonkey
and Lemon Pledge...

Do you, Starmonkey
and Lemon Pledge...

Lemon Pledge, Lemon, do
you take Derek and London

to be your
lawful-wedded husbands?

Come on, say,
"I do." Say, "I do."

Come on. Just
those two little words.

Then I can get me
castle. Come on.

I do.

There, she said it.

Excuse me, what was
that you said again?

I do.

Oh, there, she said it, as well.

Yeah, they both said it.

Well, what a lovely
ceremony it was.

I'm sorry, gentlemen,

but marriage is
a holy institution,

not to be entered into lightly.

G-59.

Bingo!

Ernestine, we have a winner!

Why don't you two gentlemen
come into the other room.

Maybe you'll get lucky
in the bingo parlor.

This is all Malcolm's
fault, you know.

Yeah. When I see him, I'm
gonna smash him in the tadger.

I don't think my mum
would have liked me

to have married somebody
called Starmonkey.

Well, what about Lemon Pledge?

I wouldn't know
whether to kiss her

or spray her on the piano.

It's a shame, though.

I was growing quite
fond of these two birds.

Yeah. Perhaps we better
leave 'em a couple of dollars

so they can get home.

Oh, yeah, for the bus fare.

Come on, Derek.

We've got to hurry up
and catch that plane now.

Where?

To San Francisco.

Why?

To start our tour.

What?

Boy, old Derek,
you're thick as a brush.

Thank you.

Get out!

I now pronounce
you man and wife.

Please, kiss the bride outside.

I've got to get to a bingo game.

Come on, girls. Up,
up, up, up, up. Come on.

Now you've already sat
through four weddings.

Yes, and I've-I've sold
another package three,

and we need to get
these gowns back.

All right.

Oh, boy, can you
believe this, Shirl?

Here it is, my wedding night,

and I'm being undressed
by a lady named Ernestine.

Well, the next time, ask
for package number four.

No wedding gowns, but you
do get married in a Jacuzzi.

Maybe.

Some joyous occasion.

Half a dress, half a wedding.

Makes you wonder about
the plane ride home, doesn't it?

You know, next time
we do this... Shirl?

Think there'll ever
be a next time?

Oh, of course there will be.

It's not as though we
were left at the altar.

We sort of fell asleep at it.

Yeah, you're right.

It's all a little fuzzy,
but I think, all in all,

we had a pretty good time.

I mean, look, we went to
our first Hollywood party,

we got a trip to Vegas,

and, uh, we almost got two
rock and roll stars to marry us.

Yeah. I wonder what we said
to them to get 'em to marry us.

I don't know, but I think it
was, like, something in code,

like, uh, I-27, O-14...

♪ We're gonna do it ♪

♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪

♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪

♪ We're gonna make ♪

♪ That dream come true ♪

♪ And we'll do it our way ♪

♪ Yes, our way ♪

♪ Make all our dreams ♪

♪ Come true ♪

♪ For me and you. ♪