What's your poison?
Humanity.
Bad day in universe, huh?
They also run together.
Unless her corpse resurfaces in a ***.
Oh! Jack Daniels, rocks.
I'll have what he's having..
I hope you weren't saving
this stool for somebody else.
Do I know you?
Or do you think
I'm someone else?
To the night.
So what's your story, Carlton?
How do you know my name?
I asked you first.
Are you a prost*tute?
Is that the vibe
I'm giving off?
I'm sorry, no. I'm just...
I don't know, just a little...
Lonely?
Yeah, maybe.
Just a little bit.
So you gonna tell me
about yourself or not?
Yep.
Well, you already know my name.
I come here to unwind,
'cause my job can be intense.
I often dream
I'm Clint Eastwood.
Even in Bloodwork?
Mostly Heartbreak Ridge.
Please continue.
I am somewhat
recently divorced,
I believe there is little to
no room for interpretation
when it comes to
the United States constitution,
and I have an unusually
high threshold for pain.
That is a fairly
unusual necklace
and it shows off
your clavicle quite well.
For all eternity.
Your turn.
Okay. I'm about
as single as they come,
and I really like a man
with hair on his chest.
And as for Clint, I really
think it's Unforgiven.
Your eyes are swimmable.
Why is your job so intense?
How did you know my name?
Why don't you hold that
thought while I go freshen up?
We're gonna need more whiskey.
Maybe she's on the phone.
You ever think of that?
Maybe she's with a guy.
Hey! You blind, flat Stanley?
Get.
You've got to be kidding me.
Listen, Jules, just don't
b*at yourself up.
You can't possibly be
expected to control
whether or not Gus and I,
surreptitiously follow
you after you get
a call during breakfast.
But, I specifically
told you not to follow.
She said farrow.
Farrow is not a word.
I said follow,
he knows I said follow.
I wasn't there but, farrow is
most definitely a word.
Thank you.
It means to birth
a calf or a litter of pigs.
Okay, fine. Why would
I tell Shawn not to birth
a calf or a litter of pigs?
I don't know.
What do you got?
Male, early 30s.
Now CSI is on their way,
but I'd say...
The girl, McNab.
What did you find out about
the girl I met last night?
Oh. I might need a little bit
more to go on, sir.
What do you need?
What more do you need?
I told you she's blonde
and pale and perfect
and beautiful and perfect.
So, get me a name and
get me an address,
and get me some aspirin.
Please tell me why
they're at my crime scene?
Lassie, it's not Jules' fault.
She told me not to follow her,
I thought she was telling me
not to be pregnant with swine.
Go.
Are you okay?
I haven't b*at you
to a call in six years.
Of course I'm okay.
Why wouldn't I be okay?
I had to stop for gas.
All right,
let's see if we got a wallet?
Name of the deceased
is Hamilton Deane,
lives downtown,
about a hundred bucks in cash,
credit cards, AAA.
I'm going to roll him.
This abrasion on his neck?
That dude is awfully pale
abnormally pale.
Especially since
he's only been dead for...
Check the neck.
Check the wrists.
What's this?
Looks like our k*ller might
have left us a little present.
What a shame.
That is a very usual necklace
and it shows off
your clavicle quite well.
For all eternity.
Gus, no blood, puncture marks.
Abnormally pale!
What?! Do it.
- Okay.
- Do it.
Okay.
Better yet,
let me do it. I'll do it.
Settle down.
You're not doing it.
I wish I had a bigger audience.
Do it.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I must ask you to
brace yourselves.
What I'm about to expunge
is not for the faint of heart.
It is bold with a zesty,
salty finish.
What we're up against
here is no mere mortal.
I'm afraid this very well
may be the work of a vampire.
Sookie...is mine!!
What are you thinking partner?
Actually I'm going to have
to go with Spencer on this one.
# I know you know,
that I'm not telling the truth #
# I know you know,
they just don't have any proof #
# embrace the deception,
learn how to bend #
# your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end #
You know you weren't
nearly this pumped
when you thought we were
chasing a werewolf.
I'm not trying to get
devoured by a hairy,
famished beast, Shawn,
but I will whip me some lithe,
wispy vampire ass.
All right,
and you wreak of garlic.
You look like Omar Epps
from Dracula 2000.
I'll take it.
You don't think it's odd
that Lassie jumped on
our vampire wagon?
You know I have long
since dreamt of Lassie
jumping onboard with
one of my nutty theories,
but now that he's
actually done it,
I don't know why I thought
it would be so cool,
it does feel odd.
It's like the roadrunner
stopping and saying,
"You know what, Wile E.?
You've earned this.
Blow me up."
You saying the coyote
has a first name?
Yeah.
It's not, O-S-C-A-R?
- That's Bologna.
- You're Bologna.
Necro Butcher!
Ryan Phillipe!
We're trying out pet names.
Yours is Bologna.
Can we get started please?
Of course.
For you, my lady.
- Aw, what is it?
- Small intestine of a ram.
Cause of death?
Pulmonary failure
or severe blood loss.
- Whichever came first.
- How severe?
His t*nk's just about on empty.
A bit of trivia, the human body
when drained of most
its blood will often
times stop working.
Note the puncture
wounds on the neck there
and on the wrists here and here.
Woody, in your
professional opinion,
is it possible that
this poor man
was the victim of
a vampire att*ck?
Don't dignify that
with a response.
Wasn't planning on it.
- Is it possible?
- Most likely, yes.
- Woody?!
- It's a given really.
All right people.
That's enough.
I think it's obvious
we're after a vampire
who's out there doing
stuff that vampires do.
So, get on this and
find me a lead.
Carlton, have you
lost your mind?
Where are you going?
I have a personal matter
to attend to, I'll catch up.
Since when do you have
personal matters?
Okay, my partner has
gone off the reservation.
I hope that you are
all very happy.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to catch a m*rder*r
and I'm fairly certain
that he or she is human.
Well, there goes my night.
This necklace look
familiar to you?
Hey, we used
to sell this piece.
Hey, no kidding?
I'm gonna need
a record of everyone
who's purchased this
thing in the last oh,
I don't know,
let's just say ever.
- Oh, man, that's not possible.
- Come again?
Well it's just this piece,
we only had a few of them,
and it was years ago.
How many years ago?
Three or four maybe.
We don't really keep
records of that kinda stuff.
I mean, look around.
We're not Zales or Jared's.
Okay, I don't suppose
that you would remember
who made these
purchases would you?
Dudes. Chicks.
No, no, not really, no.
Just forget it.
I should have known
a place called Bling Crosby
would be a dead end.
I mean, look at you.
Sorry, man.
That's a k*ller watch
you have though.
You want to sell it for
way less than it's worth?
This old thing just keeps
on ticking like the heart
of a wounded elephant
just grizzled and...
Why don't you hold that
thought while I go freshen up?
I'll be damned.
This is not funny, Shawn.
I'm the only sane person
working this case
and that makes my time
even more valuable.
Do you know have any
idea how long it took
me to find this
ridiculous place?
It doesn't have an address.
Hello, Shawn.
"I can't help being
a gorgeous fiend.
It's just the card I drew."
What in the hell
are you wearing?
We're on their turf Juliet.
We have to walk the walk
of a true night stalker.
- Night stalker?
- He's right. Look around,
you're the fish
out of water here.
Because they're all
pretending to be dead, Shawn.
Well, perhaps it is us
who pretend to be alive.
Greetings brother.
Three virgin slow gin fizzes.
Make 'em Bloody Marys
and whatever snack mix
you can whip up over there.
I will gladly serve
the two of you,
however the human is not
going to get a drink from me.
You have broken the
cardinal law by allowing
a day walker to enter our realm.
Okay, that's it.
Detective O'Hara, SBPD.
Let's try this again.
Whoa! Hey, okay,
slow it down there, Cagney.
Just a regular guy here, okay,
trying to make a dollar,
that's it.
I play up this whole
character thing
to get some money
out of these freaks.
Charlatan!
Who's talking?
Count Chocula over here, please.
Count Chocula? You must be
out of your damn mind!
What did I tell you,
no one remembers Blacula
except for us
and Quentin Tarantino.
Look,
we're just wondering if...
if you think any of your
customers here are dangerous
or capable of
attacking someone and
sucking all of their blood out?
You're kidding, right?
Dude, this is
Santa Barbara, okay.
All the people here are like
fashionistas and slam poets.
I'm leaving now.
Oh, wait! I do have
one little piece of info
you might find interesting.
I got a call last week,
I believe on Wednesday,
and it was a customer
who was asking
if I would sell them a pint
of real blood. Weird.
Did you recognize the voice?
No, can't say I did.
You remember when they called?
Yes, as a matter fact,
it was at 1:30.
It was exactly
1:30 on Wednesday,
because I was watching Oprah
and it was right
in the middle of...
what's that this guy, Nate...
Berkus.
Berkus! Love that guy!
He was refurbishing
a Chippendale, amazing stuff.
Caller ID.
Would you like
to do the honors?
We're gonna need
to see that phone.
Marlowe Viccellio.
How did you find me?
Is something wrong?
You don't live alone.
No, it's me and three guys.
Have you ever dated,
thought about dating
or have any casual relations
with these
freeloading parasites?
No. Is this an interrogation?
Believe me, I wish it weren't.
Where's the necklace?
I don't understand.
"For all eternity."
The necklace.
Well, I didn't sleep in it.
Show it to me.
Okay, follow me.
I can't believe you're
already in my bedroom.
You want to tell me what
this is about, detective?
Okay, one more thing
and I promise
we'll be able to
laugh about this.
I need to know exactly
what happened
after you left last night.
I went out the bathroom window
and I ran across the street
and I sat in my car
and I watched you wait for me.
You got into a fight
with the bartender
and then you finished your drink
and you went to back and
eventually you went outside
and exchanged heated
words with a homeless man.
You looked really sad.
I just let you walk away.
Why would you do that?
I just...
it's been tough for me lately.
I just haven't had much luck.
I felt something.
So did I.
The only thing it compares
to is the rush of jubilation
I felt when I heard Chuck
Norris speak at an N.R.A.
convention in Aberdeen.
I was thirteen.
I just got scared.
I'm sorry.
Marlowe Viccellio!
This is the police!
Hold on, guys.
Don't touch anything yet.
Carlton, what's going on here?
Carlton, what exactly is going on here?
I suppose I do owe you
an explanation, partner.
I owe you two nothing
and you look like
a couple of ass hats in
those ridiculous costumes.
I'm dangerous in a sexy way.
More like a gay way.
Well, I'm straight-up iconic.
I wouldn't call
Count Chocula an icon.
I'm Blacula!
And you're going to be
under arrest you succubus.
Hold on.
There's is no way she could
have committed this m*rder,
she has an airtight alibi.
Carlton, somebody
called a vampire bar
asking to buy a lot of blood.
We traced the call,
and it came from
inside this house.
Can you explain that?
Sure.
I have three roommates
and they're a quirky
group of guys,
so I wouldn't put
it past any of them
to do something like that.
You live with two dudes
and Mario Lopez.
Oh, but she doesn't have
carnal knowledge of any of them.
What's this airtight alibi?
Go ahead.
You can tell them the truth.
I was with Carlton in a bar
and snuck away to
my car to watch him,
because I was nervous about
the level of attraction
I immediately felt for him both
emotionally and physically.
No, seriously,
what's the alibi?
She recounted my every move
as I sat stoic at the bar.
There is no way she could have
been in two places at one time.
You realize by
corroborating her story?
Yes, O'Hara.
It means I'm her alibi.
And needless to say, I don't
believe in vampires.
You will when she bites you.
Because she doesn't love you
enough "not to condemn you."
You watch that
hairy eyeball Spencer,
this lady's been through
enough.
Marlowe, we're going
to need to talk
to each of your roommates and
find out who made that call.
Yeah, I understand.
It's Eddie, Jake and Lucien.
Where is the Lucien?
So, any food allergies
I should know about
before I dazzle you
with dinner?
Nuts, what kind of nuts?
All nuts?
Just filberts, check.
Lucien, our suspect,
is in the interrogation room.
Oh, oh. There will be dessert.
Dude, no dice, it needs to be
garlic to skin contact Shawn.
Are you sure
this water is holy?
Yes, I had Father Wesley
bless it over the phone.
- Over the phone.
- Yes.
I don't think it
works like that.
You don't know how
anything works, Shawn.
So, Lucien, where were you
between the hours of 10:00 pm
and 11:00 pm
on Wednesday night?
And the year 1540.
What?
Take it, creature.
Guys, enough.
Man, I don't think
this is sliver.
- I paid for silver.
- Well, you got hosed.
Wow! You guys
are actually devolving.
Get back over here. Now!
Really.
Answer the question, Lucien.
I was working my shift
at King Putt Mini-Golf.
There was a late rush,
and I closed
the course that night.
Hold up.
Will King Putt honor an expired,
two for-one Groupon?
Yes or no.
Shawn, this is serious.
Listen, on the third hole,
I usually putt up
the right side,
bank through the
rubber bumpers,
but I still keep getting nailed
by the swinging mammaries.
Those aren't mammaries.
They're the bells on
the end of a Jester's cap.
Really?
Yes, it's putt-putt for kids.
Lucien, we'll need
to verify your alibi
with the management
at King Putt.
Fine, his name is Wayne.
I'm not buying this.
I can see your bedroom, man,
with the cracked mirror
and the kitty litter.
Give it up, shape shifter!
I don't have a bedroom.
I live in the tent out back.
You should be talking to Ed.
We've got the wrong roommate.
I know where we need to be.
We don't have much time.
Why are we at a blood bank?
Well, it's really common
for full fledged vampires
to wander the barrens,
you know, graveyards,
industrial wastelands.
Places of irreversible
urban blight.
The blood bank does
seem likely place
for the undead to
quench the hunger.
Five minutes,
and we are leaving.
There is just 0% chance
that I'm getting
caught up in this fantastical,
vampire nonsense.
So you're saying
there's a chance.
No, Shawn, I said 0%.
Edward has entered
the building.
What? Where?
It's a classic
shifting technique.
It's incognito
man-to-animal maneuver.
That's correct,
it's looks like we may be
dealing with an elder,
or even worse, a diablerie.
- No.
- Yes.
We're leaving.
- What?
- No.
Why did we come all
the way out here?
Edward is in the building.
To investigate,
he's wondering around.
God, I used to be a detective,
now I'm a babysitter.
That makes you Elisabeth Shue
and Gus is Keith Coogan.
- You're Coogan.
- You're Coogan.
Your momma's Coogan.
Hello, Edward.
Just act natural.
Never look a feline in eyes,
lest you want to be a...
Just stop it.
Here we go.
He is looking
right at you, Gus.
He is looking at Juliet.
No, he isn't.
Did I just see what
my brain is telling
my eyes that I just saw?
Was that a cape?
Okay, how did it get from
one end of the building
to the other in two seconds?
Blood products.
Detective, what have we got?
We had good reason
to believe our suspect
was here in the blood bank.
We entered and what we
saw was a hooded figure,
who appeared to move
with inexplicable speed,
as if it were a...
Mr. Spencer, if I may, what
we're looking at is someone
who is capable of vamp speed or
at present-space quantum leap.
Blacula gives
a shout out to Backula.
The truth is,
I don't know what we saw.
Here is the good news,
said suspect is in custody,
and in due time we'll be able
to stick the nails to him.
Let me say that Shawn
and Gus' opinion
does not reflect my own.
What suspect?
That's a feline.
That will drink
you like a juice box.
Don't be deceived.
That's a grown ass man
who feeds off the blood...
Gus, you must stop.
Look, I'm gonna tell the chief
that detective
O'Hara is in full,
undeterred control
of this investigation,
I'll spare the juicy details.
I'm getting something.
sh**t the glass.
Sounds good brother.
Yeah.
Uh-oh, where's Lassie?
I'm pretty sure he invited his
new girlfriend over for dinner.
If he invites a vampire
into his home
it's free to feed
on him at will.
We are the only
ones in the world
that can save him right now.
Let's go.
Hi, Carlton.
Mm, something smells delicious.
Well, I would like
to say it's the elk loin
I've been braising,
but I have a feeling that
intoxicating scent is you,
Marlowe.
Would you like to come in?
I'd love to.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Come Lassie,
let the right ones in, buddy.
Unless you're already undead.
In which case would you
kindly impale yourself
with a wooden stake?
Spencer, Guster, go away!
Carlton, open the door!
O'Hara!?
Give us some sort of
signal that you're okay.
A cough or a thump of some kind.
Henry?
Should I call for
the battering ram?
McNab!
What the hell is
wrong with you people?
Can't you see I'm in
the throes of passion?
Contrary to public opinion,
I do not get this kind
of action every night!
Are you wearing garters?
No, you dullard, these are
standard, m*llitary issue.
They keep my shirt tucked tight
throughout the day.
We found this press on nail
at the Santa Barbara
blood bank which was
robbed earlier this evening.
Marlowe, you mind showing us
your mitts please?
This is just
a crazy coincidence.
These nails were made
popular by Jersey Shore.
Nice try, Queen of the Damned.
Jwoww does wear those nails
when they go out clubbing.
What? I'm not saying
I buy her story.
But Marlowe said
they're very common.
We certainly need
more evidence than this.
Okay, well then I'm
sure she won't have
a problem with us
searching her house.
Of course she won't.
She's nothing to hide, right?
- Uh-huh.
- That's right.
So let's go over there
and clear her good name.
Got anything?
Not yet.
Don't rush me Shawn,
I'm being thorough.
Uh-oh! I'm sensing something
cold and very unfortunate,
something icy like
Marlowe's aorta.
Spencer, this is
personal for me.
Either conduct
yourself like an adult,
or I will remove you from
these premises by force.
You're right,
that was insensitive.
I'm sorry, come on.
Let's hug it out.
I would rather learn
to play the harp.
Okay.
This is nice.
Hello, plasma.
Okay, so I did take the blood.
But only because I'm
trying to make ends meet
and they pay really good money
on the black market for that.
But I promise
I didn't k*ll anybody.
I can't bear what you must
think of me right now.
But you have to believe me.
I can't.
- You're under arrest.
- What?
O'Hara, this case
is officially yours.
I'll be in my apartment
if you need me.
I trust you will not.
What are we supposed to do,
haul all this blood
back to the bank?
No, I think we should
just leave it here.
Would you relax, buddy?
Look, this stuff is locked
and loaded in these
thick rubber baggy...
Is he responsive at all?
No, nothing.
We even held a plate of bean
and cheese nachos
in front of his face.
How much blood was it,
exactly, Shawn?
Just a little stream,
it's not like it was
the end of Carrie,
or the beginning of Carrie.
Look, Jules, did you get
Marlowe to confess
to the m*rder or what?
No, but it's only a matter
of time before she cracks.
I just feel so bad
for Lassiter.
He seemed to really
care about this girl.
Oh, Shawn, hang on a second.
Sorry to interrupt,
but a man was just att*cked
in the parking lot of Lox,
Stock
and Two Toasted Bagels,
over on Fletcher Street,
and the perpetrator attempted
to drain him of his blood.
He's at
St. Thomas of the Apostles.
Shawn, did you hear that?
Yes! Greatest name
for a bagel joint ever.
Plus, this means Lassie
is in love with a liar
and a blood thief,
but not a full-on m*rder*r!
Slap Gus as hard as you can,
and meet me at the hospital.
Copy that.
All right dad.
I got this.
Okay.
All right, listen up, buddy.
This hurts me way more
than it hurts you.
Oh!
Welcome back, Guster.
Paging Dr. Bender.
Don't you dare.
He's clearly not
gonna eat it, Shawn.
And I'm hungry like a mug.
You're hungry like a what?
Okay, Ron, can you tell us
what happened tonight?
Yeah.
Okay, what happened?
A guy in a cape att*cked me.
Did you get a good
look at his face?
No.
Are you sure?
Nah.
All right, well thanks, Ron.
You've been a huge help so far.
This is the chief,
I'm gonna take it outside.
You are unbelievable.
I haven't eaten
since breakfast.
Another man's sandwich.
So.
Someone is lucky to be alive.
- Who?
- Well, you are son.
- O negative.
- Do what?
How did you know
his blood type?
It's a special gift
that I bust out in rare
occasions and
almost all the time.
Well, yes, Ron here
has one of the rarest
blood types there is.
How rare?
Extremely. In fact...
I've been looking
for a blood donor.
But, there are only
wrote two dozen people
in Santa Barbara who
have O negative blood.
The k*ller is after O negative.
I need a diversion.
Slip a disc
or start peeing yourself.
Doctor, my friend
has peed himself.
No, I slipped a disc.
Ahh.
Just breathe, young man.
It's probably just a spasm.
It hurts.
Gus, have some
respect for yourself.
Are you all right?
Yes, doctor,
I breathed into the spasm
and it loosened up nicely.
- Thanks doctor.
- Thank you.
Dude, one of the names on
the list is Adrian Viccellio.
I bet you that's
Marlowe's brother.
He has something called
Van Wilder's disease.
Von Willibrand's.
That's a rare blood disorder
that requires its patients
to have transfusions
on a regular basis.
It usually affects humans
and Doberman Pinschers.
That's oddly specific.
There are three types of VWD,
type two is divided
into four subtypes.
Shawn, I bet you anything
that our guy had
the worst type and
lost his insurance.
That's it, he's having
to steal the blood from
the few people that have
his rare blood type.
He probably swiped
the list of matching donors
during his last hospital stay.
Well, that's just conjecture.
It's all conjecture, Shawn.
That's all we're
doing right now.
All right, Ron, we are
gonna need a swab
your clothing
and both your fists.
Jules, Jules, it's Marlowe's
brother Adrian.
He has something called
Don Skarsgard's disease.
He needs a lot of rare
blood, O negative,
and he's having to steal it
because he doesn't
have insurance.
- Did you just say O negative?
- Yeah.
That's Carlton's blood type.
We got to go.
Carlton, please don't hang up.
I begged the police
for this call.
I had to call you to tell you
that you could
in some serious...
There is a cage, Marlowe...
a cage made of brawn and
steel that protects my heart.
I welcomed you
inside that cage,
I offer you a season
pass to the festival
of light that happens
in my chest cavity.
Festival? Like ComiCon?
You don't want it.
What's worse is
you never wanted it.
I do want it, but I need to
warn you that you could...
Now, I'm going to tell
you the same thing
I told my mother and
her new girlfriend
the day I left for the academy.
Why don't you both
just get in your car
and Thelma & Louise yourselves
right into the Pacific?
It was an ugly thing to say
and I wish I could take it back,
but I was confused.
I didn't want my mother
to be a lesbian at 53.
Eventually I came to
realize that Althea makes
her happy in a way
that dad never could.
Carlton, I need you to
focus and listen to me.
Spencer, go away.
Carlton, don't answer the door.
Hang on a second.
What, what, what?
- Is Tamara home?
- Who the hell is Tamara?
Carlton? Carlton?
You're that hooligan
from that awful haberdashery.
It's easier if you
don't talk, detective.
If you just close your eyes,
all of this nasty business
will be over before
you know it, I promise.
Marlowe and her brother
both robbed the blood bank.
We were actually seeing
two people!
So, you see, there is
a rational explanation
for everything, Shawn.
There is no rational
explanation for anything,
until we see the other roommate
and that black cat together
in the same place
at the same time!
I took the liberty
of hanging up on my big sis.
She's pretty upset.
- Marlowe is your sister?
- You didn't know?
I figured she would have
told you, seeing how she's all
sweet on you.
She is?
All right, listen.
You're not going to get away
with this, and your sister...
You're one tough son of a bitch,
and I'm happy for Marlowe.
She's been sacrificing
everything
and taking care of me forever,
and she deserves...
a nice guy who will take care
of her, you know?
I can't really do that
if I'm dead now, can I?
- Just make one smart move...
- I'm not going to k*ll you.
Nobody was ever supposed to die.
That first guy was alive
when I left him, I swear it.
I wouldn't even be here, see,
except I can only as*ault
innocent blood donors
when I have my strength
and right now I'm freshly
transfused or...was.
That guy on the list
ahead of you
kicked my ass earlier tonight.
You can say that again.
And in a couple of days,
I'm gonna be clinging
onto life again.
So, here we are,
desperate times
call for blah, blah, blah.
The dude is a real-life
vampire, babe!
I'm not conceding the fact
that vampires don't exist,
and you know you guys could
at least pretend to be a little
bit concerned about Carlton.
Hey, whatever the situation
may be, I'm sure Lassie
is firmly in control.
Danger is his middle name.
I for one, am less optimistic.
You know if you're sick,
we can get you some help.
This is insane.
See, the insurance darlings
no longer feel any
responsibility to help out.
I am a liability, you see.
Think about Marlowe,
and she's an accomplice.
She'll do hard time.
She never laid a finger
on anyone.
You were her first mark,
and we both know how that went.
So she stole some blood.
Big deal.
She did it to save a life.
And that's what it's there for,
isn't it?
Well, isn't it?
No more talking.
Carlton!
Are you okay in there?
Gus, quick...give me
your credit card.
Great.
Jules, kick the door in.
- What!
- Carlton! Open the door!
- Are you okay?
- Never better. We need to get
this young man to the hospital,
then the station.
It's possibly in that order,
I'm not entirely sure.
- Oh! What happened here?
- Chloroform, sneak att*ck.
Unbeknownst to my assailant,
I've slowly
and methodically been building
up a tolerance to chloroform
over the last 15 years.
Dear God, why?
For a night like this, Spencer.
I don't believe it.
It must have been some other
kind of chemical.
Oh, great, now we have
to carry two guys out of here.
I mean, look at him.
He really wore his heart on his
sleeve through all of this,
I mean he's obviously hurting,
and I just think it would be
nice if he knew that we were all
here for him.
- What would you have us do?
- Seriously.
Well, go talk to him.
Give him some encouragement,
let him know there are plenty
of fish in the sea.
- Rock, paper, scissors?
- Fine.
- What is that?
- Spider.
Crap on a cr*cker.
There is no spider.
There was no spider.
Now he's here, and he's hairy,
and he's venomous
and he is unbeatable.
The other three are all
inanimate objects, Shawn.
A spider can't bite
a pair of scissors.
Yeah, he's right,
scissors clearly have
the advantage and well,
rock crushes spider.
Oh but I suppose spider
crawls on paper?
Go on.
Hey, Lassie.
Um...
I just wanted to say,
you know that the sea is vast
and filled with many strange
creatures and corals.
Mostly divorced corals,
probably with a bunch of kids,
and they're just looking
for any old crustacean
- with a steady income so...
- Sorry, Spencer.
No time for your empty,
bone-headed musings.
I'm late for an appointment.
Transport detail,
report to inmate reception.
Transport detail,
report to inmate reception.
I wasn't sure you'd come.
- I am a man of my word.
- I'm so sorry. I wish I...
Look, you did what you
thought you had to do.
If there's an upside to any
of this, it's that your brother
will finally get the care
he needs
now that he's gonna
be in the system
for a long, long, long time.
Can I ask you something?
- Anything.
- Where would you rate
Pink Cadillac
in Eastwood canon?
Not very high I'm afraid.
I mean I suppose it's a good
companion piece
to City Heat but he's much
funnier with the orangutan.
06x03 - This Episode Sucks
Moderator: fpfvst
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Follows Shawn who works for the police department which allows him to convince people that he solves cases with psychic abilities.
Follows Shawn who works for the police department which allows him to convince people that he solves cases with psychic abilities.