25x02 - The Big Fix

[bunniefuu]

♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

♪ People spouting, "Howdy, Neighbor!" ♪

♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪

♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪

- _
- [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

SPOKESPERSON: As farmers
and cultivators of marijuana,

we have a responsibility to society...

I know we all respect the crop here,

and we seek each day
to better understand

the nuances and legitimacy of its uses.

Let's go weed! Wew!

But we growers must
face a harsh reality...

Since the legalization of
marijuana, communities of color,

black and brown Coloradans,

those most affected by
the r*cist w*r on dr*gs,

have now been locked out of
the wealth creation of the industry.

[YAWNS LOUDLY]

Luckily, the public is starting
to understand this unfairness...

And many people are now talking

of boycotting cannabis growers
who are only white owned.

Boycotting what? Wait... What?

We are seeing a healthy and
dramatic spike in consumers

who demand that their marijuana be grown

by those who understand
the fight for social equity.

Ugh ahhug...

The bottom line is this...

A completely white owned
weed business these days...

just isn't going to survive.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

[INSECTS CHIRPING]

Guys... I wanna have kind
of a tough talk with you.

We don't really have any black friends,

we don't reach out to
the black community.

Shelley you never bring
any black dudes over.

I mean, Stan, your three
best friends are all white.

There's only one black
kid in my whole class.

Yes, that kid Token.

How come you never hang out with him?

I do hang out with him.

In a group maybe but I don't recall

just you and Token ever doing anything.

I've never seen Token here at the farm

just like the two of you guys.

Why not?

I... I don't know.

Randy, stop, we're not racists.

We'd like to think that, wouldn't we?

But... actions speak
louder than words, g*ng.

I guess...

I guess I just want
you to think about it.

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

- Uh, hey, Token.
- Oh, hey, Stan.

Uh listen, I uh...

How're ya doin?

Fine.

Um... You think your family
would wanna come over for dinner?

Out at our farm?

- It's kind of far isn't it?
- Yeah, but...

Look, Token, I think maybe
you and I should hang out more.

What are you talking about?

I mean we never just
hang out, you and me.

Hey we never hang out just
you and me either, Stan!

Shut up, Butters.

Look, just will you please just see

if your family will
come over for dinner?

It would mean a lot.

[INSECTS CHIRPING]

Okay, there we go.

That is a farm fresh hemp salad

sourced locally here at Tegridy!

Alright, come on, everybody, dig in.

Thank you so much for having us over.

This is really nice.

We've never been to
a marijuana farm before.

Well, you know, with our boys
starting to become so close...

We thought we better get
the families together!

If they're friends then
we need to be friends! Huh?

Do you mind if I post this?

Check out our friends!

Randy... I hope you didn't invite
us here because we're black.

W-What are you talking about?

It's just that the past year or so

a lot of people have been
inviting us over to dinner

and then taking pictures of us
to show everyone on Instagram.

Oh, that's so lame.

No, we really just wanted to
get to know you guys better

since Stan is friends with Token.

You know... Just out of curiosity...

Why did you guys name him that?

What do you mean?

Well... I mean, it's just
kind of an odd name, isn't it?

Like, some people might think

you guys naming your
son that isn't very cool.

People have a problem with Token's name?

Well, I mean other people
just think it's a little...

I mean, come on, I mean, I'm...

I'm not calling you guys r*cist, but...

Why did you name your son that?

My husband has always been a huge fan

of "Lord of The Rings" and "The Hobbit."

I wanted to name my son
after my favorite author.

But she didn't want
to name our son J.R.R.,

so we just named him Tolkien.

His name is Tolkien?

Yes, you know his name is Tolkien.

- I thought your name was Token.
- My name is Tolkien.

Sorry, I don't think it's that weird.

J.R.R. Tolkien is one
of the most prolific,

influential writers of our time.

Holy sh*t, that's what his name means?

What did you think his name meant?

Would you like to see how
we grow and process our weed?

You see, it's all about refinement.

Here at Tegridy, we
believe the best weed

is untouched from the earth...

So we distill it down
to its basic essence.

Over there are our clean out vats

and up here we have
our first stage drying racks.

- Oh, real quick!
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

It all takes about six days

from the field to
a jar that we can sell.

So... What do you think?

It's... uh, very involved.

Yeah. It takes a lot.

You know... I just had a crazy idea...

Our boys are best friends now...

Why don't you come work for Tegridy?

Randy, I have a job.

I'm a very successful co-executive

of a financial consulting firm.

Oh my gosh... I was just
saying we could really use

a co-executive of financial consulting!

Look, I...

Would it be okay if...

If I sent you some of our receipts

and you could help us financial consult?

That's what we do... Sure.

Oh, my God, this is amazing.

Here's to the start
of something wonderful.

Would you like some free weed?

No.

[KEYS CLACKING, VIDEO GAME SOUNDS]

[CELLPHONE RINGS]

Hey, Stan.

Dude... My head is reeling,
you're not gonna believe this.

Not gonna believe what?

Token's name isn't Token. It's Tolkien.

Yeah, I know it's Token.

No, no, no, no. He's named after the guy

who wrote "The Hobbit" and stuff!

Yeah, I know. J.R.R. Tolkien.

What did you think it was?

You knew it was Tolkien like the writer.

Everyone knew it was Tolkien.

No, no, no! No, no, no, no!

I distinctly remember
Cartman wearing a shirt

where he spelled it T-o-k-e-n.

Yeah, dude, cuz Cartman's
a [BLEEP] moron.

Wha... Hold on a second!

[DIALING]

[TV PLAYS INDISTINCTLY]

Whatsup, dog.

Dude, Cartman, did you
know that Tolkien is named

after J.R.R. Tolkien?

Well, yeah, I just figured.

Then why did you spell it Token
without the "L" or the "I"?!

J.R.R. Tolkien has an
"L" in it? That's gay.

Who did you think
Tolkien was named after?

TOLKIEN: Stan? You out here?

Uh, yeah, hang on a second Tol-kien,

- just taking a sh*t.
- Oh, okay, sorry.

Oh, my God... I suck...

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[ENGINE STARTS]

This is your mornin'
commute, South Park.

Looks like we have a bit of
slowing heading into town.

There's like a truck
and a couple cars...

maybe take ya a couple minutes there.

Also, if you're heading out
of town on the main road

there's a... there's,
like, a car there, too.

What the [BLEEP]?

- _
- Now let's look at the weather.

Weather's looking like

we're gonna have a little bit of snow.

- And the, uh... the...
- [TIRES SCREECH]

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

What the hell are you doing?

Taking sh*t tons of Tegridy orders.

Sales are going nuts right now.

No... why is my face on a billboard?!

Because we work together.

You said you just needed
someone to help with accounting!

Yes, but then... You got promoted!

I was gonna surprise you.

Don't you see how lucrative this can be?

I mean, we make a pretty damn
good team in the weed business.

I mean, we are Ben and Jerry...

We're Ben and Jerry.

- You're Jerry, and I'm Ben.
- I thought I was Jerry.

- No, you're a towel.
- Oh, that's even better.

I told you before
that I'm not interested

in the marijuana business.

I don't believe in
drinking or doing dr*gs.

Doing dru... Do you remember

when Bilbo first set out with
the dwarves to fight Smaug?

What's the first thing they all did?

They partied their asses off.

♪ Chip the glasses, click the plates ♪

♪ That's what Bilbo Baggins hates ♪

And then they certainly had an
adventure together, didn't they?

Filled with... lucrative treasure.

You really think we could
make a lot of money together?

Ben and Jerry, my man.

Ben and [BLEEP] Jerry.

Hey-hey! Stan the man!

- How ya doing, buddy?
- Okay, I guess...

The nurse said you came
here by yourself. No parents?

I... kinda wanted to talk
about something in private.

Oh, okay, pal... What is it?

I think... I might be horribly r*cist.

Well, kiddo... You don't normally go

to a doctor's office for feeling r*cist,

but tell me what happened.

So... there's this kid at
my school and... he's black.

And his parents named him after the guy

that wrote "Lord of the Rings."

Uh-huh, Tolkien. Great name.

Yeah... well I-I thought
his name was Token.

Like... Like a black
kid that's just there

so that... like... there's a black kid.

Uh huh... and how long
have you thought that?

The whole time!

I've thought that the whole time.

Wow...

- [BLEEP] you.
- Huh?

You really thought
a couple of black people

had a child and named him Token?

Why would anyone name a black kid Token?

- You're a piece of sh*t.
- No, I was just try...

You were just going along

with the dominant culture
of the white paradigm,

that's what you were just...

Get out of my office, you make me sick!

I'm sorry!

I don't know what's
wrong with some people.

I wonder if anyone else thought
that this kid's name was Token?

Hmm? Anybody?

Anyone else just assume
his name was Token?

Because that's disgusting,
and you are the problem.

Doctor?

I thought I told you
to get out of my office

because you seriously make me sick...

I'm gonna sh*t my [BLEEP]
pants right now.

Doctor, please, I don't
want to be like this!

I'll do anything, just
tell me what to do.

Oh, you wanna change?

Then I suggest you start
doing a lot of reading.

Okay. What should I read?

And I suggest that
when you're reading...

You do it from the perspective
of a black person!

The knight Pigwiggen rides
on a frisky earwig,

and sends his love, Queen Mab,
a bracelet of emmets' eyes,

making an assignation...

Old Tom Bombadil was a merry fellow.

Bright blue his jacket was,
and his boots was yellow...

It is told that in their beginning,

the dwarves was made by Aule

in the darkness of Middle-Earth.

♪ Black puppy and white puppy ♪

♪ Play together in the backyard ♪

♪ Why can't we? ♪

♪ Getting rough with
a brand new chew toy ♪

♪ Oh, boy ♪

♪ Let's all get along ♪

♪ We all know that puppies
are the same wherever you go ♪

- ♪ There are good puppies... ♪
- ♪ Mm-hmm ♪

♪ And bad puppies ♪

♪ When one of them chews a shoe... ♪

As the owners of Tegridy farms,

you are accused of plagiarizing a song

for your marijuana company.

How do you plead?

Not guilty, your honor.

The complaint says that
you asked for the rights

to the song "Ebony and Ivory,"

but when you were turned
down by Paul McCartney,

you copied the song
into something similar.

Not true, your honor.

I've never even heard
Paul McCartney's version.

"Black Puppy White Puppy"
is a song I wrote by myself

on my piano keyboard.

♪ Black puppy, white puppy ♪

♪ Playing in the back
yard, why can't we? ♪

♪ Black puppy, white puppy,
playing in the back... ♪

Guys... Lately I've been
doing a lot of soul searching.

I've had to ask myself hard questions,

because for a long time now,

I've misinterpreted
some amazing writing.

I've done a lot of reading...

And I've learned why Sauron
built the black gate of Mordor

across the pass of Cirith Gorgor,

which led into
the enclosed plain of Udun.

I've learned that the Mouth of Sauron

was once a man,

who commanded the orc
armies of Gorgoroth

and dismissed Aragorn's claim has King.

I think Stan's lost his marbles.

I firmly believe that
everyone would benefit

from the school making required
reading of these books.

Because if we don't
fully know about Tolkien,

then we can make some
terrible, offensive mistakes.

In fact... did you guys
know that our friend Tolkien,

who goes to school here, is
named after J.R.R. Tolkien?

Yup!

Yeah, I knew that.

Why else would his name be Tolkien

if it wasn't for the guy
that wrote the books?

My point is, we need
to petition the school

to make Tolkien required reading.

To better understand our classmate.

I think maybe we all haven't done enough

to make sure that Tolkien

doesn't feel isolated and left out.

Guys? Can I come in now?

Not yet, Token. Just
another couple minutes.

W-What are you guys talking about?

Just a couple minutes, bro.

[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ Black puppy bitch,
black, black puppy bitch ♪

♪ White puppy bitch,
black, white puppy bitch ♪

♪ Black puppy bitch, white, black... ♪

Hey, guys, I've got something
really exciting to show you!

Ohhhh, buzzkill...

I had this awesome idea last night...

and I couldn't even sleep
I thought it was so cool...

Oh, okay, what is it?

We do an entire line of cannabis

based on all the different
races of Middle Earth!

We do seven different strains
in all, representing the dwarves,

the elves, even the uruk hai!

Uh, yeah... no.

Everyone will think we're dorks!

[BOTH SNORTING]

Randy, you seem not to care
very much about any of my ideas.

Well, you're just... You know,
you're just not the idea guy.

I don't seem to be the anything guy.

I thought we were Ben and Jerry.

Alright, look, I'm gonna tell
you the truth about ice cream...

Jerry actually doesn't do sh*t.

Ben does it all, everyone knows that.

Well, I don't want to just be here

like some kind of token black person.

Oh, come on, I'm sorry.

No, I totally get now
why you want me around,

and I'm not gonna do it.

He doesn't even really sound
like a black guy, you know that?

Alright, everyone, listen up!

We have a special announcement today.

One of our fourth grade students
says he's done a lot of work

and has grown as a person.

And he'd like to share
his journey with you.

Please welcome Stan Marsh.

Sup guys. You know, I've
done a lot of reading lately.

And I'd like to announce
that the school has allowed me

to declare today J.R.R. Tolkien
appreciation day.

These books go so much deeper
than the Hollywood movies.

And we see its influences everywhere

in our modern culture.

In fact, how many of you knew
that our classmate Tolkien

was named after J.R.R. Tolkien?

But you don't know
that "Lord of the Rings"

was an analogy for
World w*r II, did you?!

And I'll bet you didn't know

that there was originally
Rings of Power

that were forged by Celebrimbor!

So there's much we need to understand.

And so I would like to
bring up the man himself.

Come on up here. Tolkien! Come on!

I actually don't like
"Lord of the Rings"

and I don't like "The Hobbit."

Just cause my dad's into that
stuff doesn't mean that I am.

I've always hated that
my name is Tolkien,

but I didn't really
have a choice, did I?

So please, whatever you do,

just don't draw any more
attention to my name.

I can't stand any of it.

It's a bunch of nerdy,
jive-ass dragon sh*t.

[AUDIO FEEDBACK]

Stanley, are you feeling any better?

Nope. Not any better, mom.

Well... Your friend Tolkien
came over to see you.

He's downstairs.

Tolkien is... here?

Hey, Tol-kien.

Oh, hey, Stan.

What are you doing here?

Stan... Are you okay?

You've just been acting kind of strange

the last few days.

Yeah, I'm good. I'm...

No... I'm not...

Tolkien... I have something
I have to tell you.

Okay.

This whole time. I thought
your name was Token.

Like the token black person.

Wow...

Yeah.

Wow...

Why would my parents name me something

that means the only black person?

I don't know.

So I understand if you don't
wanna be around me anymore.

Well, it's not like
I really have a choice.

That's why I'm here.

My parents just bought
the farm across the street.

- What?!
- Yeah, out of the blue,

my dad was just like,

"We're going into the farming business!"

And we all just picked up and moved.

Oh, my God, this is great!

Mom! Dad! Guess what?!

Tolkien's Family bought
the farm across the street!

We're neighbors!

Oh, that's great!

Yeah, that's really cool, boys...

Wait, wha-a-a-a-t?!

What the hell's going on?

Oh, hey, Randy. What'dya
think of the new place?

Credigree Weed?! How stupid is that?!

Credigree isn't even a word!

Oh, hello... We'd like
to buy a little weed.

It's our anniversary! [CHUCKLES]

Well, there's really good
weed across the street!

Tegridy weed?

Yeah, we're just... We're
looking for something

with a little more... street cred.

Yeah, a little more cred!

Well, ya'll came to the right business,

cuz this sh*t is hard.

Oh, oh! He didn't even
talk like that before!

This guy is a total phony!

Now just come across the street,

and I'll show you some real
nice weed made with Tegridy.

These people don't even belong here.

Wow, bro...
you're a r*cist piece of sh*t.

Can we see what you've got, please?

Hell, yeah, we got all kinds a sh*t...

Lemme give you a sample of
my Rivendell Elvish Magic...

They stole it! They stole my idea!

- Who did?
- Those dickheads across the street!

They took everything I learned
about using black culture

to make a bigger profit and
they're doing it themselves!

Get this little prick outta my house!

- Dad!
- Get him outta here, he's a spy!

Hey, [BLEEP] face!

I don't want your kid over
at my house, you got that?!

Hey, man, what's your problem?

You want a w*r? Well, you got one!

Game on, assh*le!

Game on, mutha[BLEEP].

Everyone back in the
house. Come on, let's go.

- But dad...
- Shut up!

DOCTOR: The story of young Stan
Marsh might seem incredible,

but the fact is many people
suffer from unconscious biases.

If you or someone you know

might have also thought the name Tolkien

didn't come from J.R.R. Tolkien,

then please call...

- -I AM A GIANT PIECE OF sh*t.

Because you are the [BLEEP] problem.