04x25 - Fonzie's Baptism

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes,
my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling
all week long ♪

(organ solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ These happy days ♪

♪ Are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine , Happy Days! ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la-la, la ♪

Happy Days is filmed
before a studio audience.

♪ La, la, la, la, la-la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la. ♪

Mom, where should I
put this one?

What's that?

Uh, it's a picture of Dad
digging out a septic t*nk.

Oh, now, wait
a minute.

There's some things

a man doesn't
want to remember.

Well, Howard, if we're going
to have a family album,

we can't throw out every picture
where you look bad.

Oh. Mom, here's
one of you

at Uncle
Leo's wedding

dancing on the
buffet table.

That's the one...
that's the one

where she has the
cranberries on her head.

Ah!

You can't have
a family album

if we're going to
throw out every picture

that makes you look
bad, huh, Marion?

I'll trade you--
one cranberry for a septic t*nk.

You promise?
Yeah. You first.

All right, give me.
You promise?

You first.
Now, come on, give
me. Now give me.

Come on, give
it to me,

Marion, give
it to me!

What happened to you at
the stock car races?

Arthur, you've
been in a wreck.

Well, let's put it this way.

This wheel and my body
is all that's left

from entry number .

Oh, Arthur, are
you all right?

Mrs. C.,
I want to tell you,

I was leading
the pack up until

lap , you know?

Then all of a sudden,
I start to spin, you know?

And I'm spinning,
I'm spinning, I'm spinning.

And then I start this...

I-I stop the spin.

I saw my entire life
flash before my eyes.

Your entire life?

It was a very,
very long accident, Mr. C.

Boy, when I come close
to going to, uh...

I hope Fonzie's life
passes before my eyes.

What makes you think
you're going to, uh...?

Children.

Oh, Arthur,

you just look like you've
really been shaken up, dear.

Shaked, baked and spun.

I'll tell you
something, Mrs. C.

I realized at that moment,

your number can
come up any time.

That's true.

HOWARD:
Joanie.
Well, it is.

I mean, remember what
happened to Uncle Thurmond.

Tell him, Rich.

Oh, I don't think

Arthur wants to hear about
Uncle Thurmond right now.

What's Uncle
Thurmond, huh?

Well, it's no big deal.

You see, uh, there he is.

One morning he was putting up
his flag for Arbor Day.

He was stampeded
by a herd of buffalo.

Stampeded by a herd
of buffalo?

I mean, that's not your
run-of-the-mill accident, huh?

(laughs)

That's true,

but he made the cover
of Wildlife in .

It don't matter, Mr. C.

When his time
came up, he went.

I'm going
to b*at this thing.

I'm not going.

Don't worry about it.

Fonz, see,
that's, uh...
God.

You know,
it happens...
It's a difficult thing.

Now, look, Fonzie,
you can't b*at it,

because we're
all mortals.

You're mortal.
I'm a Fonzarelli.

All right, all right,
I'm gonna change my lifestyle.

I'm going to quiet down.

I'm not going
to race anymore.

I'm not going to do so many
exciting things, you know?

I might even give up
my mmm-mmm-mmm...

mmm-mmm...

BOTH:
Your motorcycle?

MARION:
Motorcycle.

Yeah.

I'm going
to get a DeSoto.

(laughter)

You got to be kidding.

He's such
a great kidder.

You in a DeSoto?

What's so funny?
What's so funny?

(both stammering)

Good in a DeSoto.

I don't think
you seem to understand.

I met the Grim Reaper,
face-to-face.

What did he look like?

Marion.

Now look, Fonzie,
it's a fact of life

that sooner or
later, it comes to...

Hey, I choose later.

Much, much later.

Now if you'll
excuse me,

I'm going to change
my whole lifestyle.

I'm going to take on Red's
lifestyle right here.

Oh, you mean,
D-U-L-L?

That's dull.

My life isn't dull.

It isn't exciting,
but it's pleasant.

I like it.

Exactamundo.
Yeah.

I'll tell you
something.

From now on, I'm going
down the same road

Red goes, huh?

Right now, I'm going
up to my room.

I'm going to go up each
step very carefully.

I'm going to subscribe
to National Geographic.

And right now, I'm just
going to watch my fingers.

♪ Bye, bye, love ♪

♪ Bye, bye, happiness ♪

♪ Hello, loneliness... ♪

Okay, boys,
here's your hamburgers.

Now, let's have fun.

Hamburgers
are not fun.

I've had it
with you guys.

Fonzie starts acting dull,

and all of a sudden,
all of Milwaukee is dull.

Well, he's just decided
to choose safe over exciting.

That's for sure.

You know, he even has
somebody taste his food

to make sure
it's not poisoned?

Now, who'd be dumb enough
to do a thing like that?

He pays me cents.

(motorcycle revving)

(brakes screeching)

Oh, wow.

Fonzie just jumped over two cars
and entered with his motorcycle.

The old Fonzie's back!

(motorcycle revving,
people murmuring)

(women screaming,
crowd chatter)

All right, guys,
kickstand me.

Right, Fonz.
Kickstand.

Up, up.
All right!

How's that,
Fonz?
All right.

Well, I'm glad to see
the old Fonzie is back.

Huh?

ALL:
Yeah!

To celebrate, French
fries on the house.

Extra grease, Al.

Ah, you got it.

Clarence, one order
of French fries, regular.

Hey, uh, Fonz,

what happened to taking
the road of the redhead?

Huh?
It got boring.

I'll tell you,
you guys were right, you know.

When your number
comes up,

there's nothing
you can do about it,

and I'll tell
you something.

I ain't going up to those
pearly gates in a DeSoto.

You're right, Fonz.

You can't worry about life.

You got to live it.

Fonz, you got to do
what you can,

when you can,
with whomever you can, right?

Heyyy.

I'll see you guys.

Where are
you going?
Home.

If I'm not home by : ,
my father yells at me.

If I'm not home by : ,
my father locks me out,

and it's cold.

Hey, how about you, Red?

I got till : .

Your parents really
let you go amuck, huh?

Oh, well, yeah, you
know, since I graduated.

Well, I'll tell you something.

I might run amuck tonight.

I might run amuck all week.

I'm going to burn my bridges
from both ends.

Oh, I think
that's, uh, candle.

Whatever.

I just want to talk to you

about what you
did here, Fonz.

Yeah, fun, huh?
You get on my bike.

I'm going to teach you
how to ride it.

Well, Fonz,
you see, I think

there's got to be some
happy medium between, uh,

being dull and-and risking
your neck in the parking lot.

That's right. Get on...
Get on my bike. That's right.

I'm going to teach you
how to do some wheelies.

Wheelies?
Yeah.

(laughs)

Get on the bike.

Well, Fonz, there's no
room for wheelies in here.

That's right. That's what
makes it exciting.

Anybody can do it outside.

No, listen, please take
this seriously, Fonz.

That's right.
Put on my gloves.

No, no, you're
not listening...

I'm listening.
Now listen,

I want you to think
you're on the road.

You know, with a vroom,
vroom, vroom.

Vroom, vroom, vroom?

That is your redhead safe
vroom, vroom.

I'm talking about wild ones.

You're like a b*llet
going down that highway.

Like a bulldozer--
vroom, vroom, vroom!

Oh.

Vroom, vroom, vroom.

(louder):
Vroom, vroom.

Vrooom...

(imitates engine rumbling)

(imitates engine accelerating)

All right, listen,
I'm going to open the door.

We're going
to jump over some cars!

Yeah, right, Fonz.

Let's go!

Vroom, vroom.

(sputtering through lips)

What am I doing?

This is stupid.

Oh, man.

(laughs)

Stupid?

Give me my gloves back.

Oh, well, I-I
didn't mean to...

to use that
exact word, Fonz.

You said it.

Well, I-I'm sorry.

You see... Look.

I'm very glad that you're not
dull, but you're acting stu...

Uh...

No. It's-It's
just not like you

to take risks
like this, Fonz.

Hey, Rich, you don't think
I know this ain't normal,

riding around inside?

Well, yeah, now
that you mention it.

You bet it ain't normal.

I think I got a problem.

Let me talk to you
for a minute.

Hey, look, I've been
thinking, you know?

Mm-hmm.

I think I got every base covered
except for home plate.

Home plate?

The big garage
in the sky?

Garage?

Heaven, Rich, heaven.

Oh.
Yeah.

All right, now here's
the question, Cunningham.

When my number does come up,
what then?

Anthony.

Did you just
say Anthony?

Yeah.

He's my brother.

He's got a lot
of answers.

Well, then talk to him
about these French fries.

(laughing)

You want to hear
about Anthony?

All right,
who's Anthony?

What's Anthony?
Where's Anthony?

He's at St. Barnaby's church.

He's religious.

He's a priest.

RICHIE:
Hey, Fonz,

maybe you should, uh, talk
to somebody who's religious.

Yeah. I like priests.

You know,
Father Flanagan.

Oh, all right.

Uh, Pat O'Brien.

Bing Crosby.

Hey, Rich,

going my way?

(motorcycle revving)

Uh, e-excuse me.

Uh, I got an appointment
here with Father Delvecchio.

(whispers):
Al,

would you get out
of that costume

and get down here before
the father comes out here?

That is not funny!

I'm not Al.

I'm his brother Anthony.

You must be
Arthur Fonzarelli.
Yeah.

I guess he didn't tell you
we were twins, did he?

No, I think he skipped
right over that part.

A lot of people say
we look exactly alike,

but I've never really noticed
the resemblance.

Especially since Al
had his nose fixed.

Al had his nose fixed?

Oh, yes.

They did a marvelous job.

Really?

Look, when he called me,

he didn't have
to tell me who you were,

because I'm a big fan
of yours.

Yeah?

I have a ' Chevy
I'm rebuilding.

(whispers):
Hey, is-is that allowed?

Oh, sure, and whispering
doesn't help.

He hears everything.

Well, listen, while we
still got his attention,

uh, let's get down to
business then, you know?

Last Saturday I had a very
close shave in a stock car race,

and I realized
that you never know

when it was
going to happen.

As they say,
when your number comes up,

ba-boom.

They say that in church?

Not in those words,

but that's the
gist of it.

Yeah. Well, listen,
I figured that, uh,

I-I better start talking
to the man upstairs, you know,

'cause we haven't talked
lately, you know?

I mean, the last time
I had a little chat with him,

I just happened to mention
the Hooper triplets.

He answered with a clap
of thunder.

Maybe it was
just a storm,

but, uh, don't
mention it again.

I won't.

So... how do I
get started?

I mean, how...
how do...

how do I open
a conversation with him?

Don't you see?

Just coming here was
your first step.

Look, let's talk about it

while I show you
my ' Chevy.

You can stand on
the running board.

Oh, it's okay.

They like us to have
fun, too, you know?

Hey, I didn't
know that.

All right!

(Howard and Marion laughing)

Yeah, I remember
that one.

Oh, and... look,

here's one of Richard
on a pony.

Isn't that cute?
Let's see...
oh, yes.

Oh, Richie on a pony.

Now, I don't understand.

How come there
are so many pictures of Richie

and only a couple of me?

First children always
get more pictures taken of them.

Hey, I found another photo album
in the attic.
HOWARD:
Uh, Rich... Richard...

It's got a lot
of pictures of girls in it.
No, no, Richard,

give me that,
Richie.

Oh!
HOWARD:
Let me have that.

There are the pictures
of your old girlfriends.

You told me
that you threw this away.

Well, I threw it
in the attic, Marion.

That's the same thing.

Oh, Dad, you must have
had a lot of girls, huh?

I got around.

He only had two,

but he took a lot
of pictures of them.

You took more pictures of those
girls than you did of me.

RICHIE (laughing):
Oh, Dad.

Oh...

That's right,
Marion, sit on it.

Hey.
Oh, Fonz.
Fonzie.

I see you're still working
on the archives, huh?

Hey, Fonz, uh, how
did the meeting go

with Father Delvecchio?

Richard,
maybe it's personal.

Oh, no, Mrs. C.,
I'll tell you something,

Father Delvecchio
is one wonderful guy.

Do you know
that he and Al were twins

until Al had his nose fixed?

ALL:
Al had his nose fixed?

Yeah, yeah.

Listen, Mr. C., I want you
and all the little Cs

to keep Sunday the th open.

Are you gonna drive
in another race?

No, Mrs. C., I...
I'm getting baptized.

Baptized?

(mouthing)

Yeah, yeah.

I was never christened
as a child,

so I had a little talk
with the fellow upstairs.

We came to an
understanding, you know?

That must have been
some talk.

Hey, Mr. C., Mrs. C?
Hmm?

Come over here
for a minute.

I'd like to ask you a...
a tremendous favor, okay?
Mmm.

FONZIE:
Now, you'll probably think
it's real silly.

You know.
No, no,
we won't.

Come on, what is it?

Oh, how I would love it
if you would be my...

godparents.

See, I-I told you
you'd think it was silly.

I'll tell you
what I'll do.

I'll hire somebody.
No, no.

MARION:
Oh, no.

No, dear, we
would be honored.

Yeah?
Kids, did you
hear that?

Yeah.
Yeah, sure did.

And we'll do
a good job.

We'll show no
partiality.

You'll have to be home at
: just like Richard.

Mom, you see, uh,
you're not adopting him.

Oh, I know that.

I just got
carried away.

Oh, Arthur...

we will be proud to
be your godparents.

♪ La, la, la, la, la-la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la. ♪

But, Fonzie,
it's just not done.

The baptism boys
don't make speeches.

Oh, sure, maybe

"Ah, goo," "De-da"

or "Wah."

They are babies.

Of course they go, "Wah."

I'm grown-up,
I can talk.

Look, I'll go right
up here to the pulpit,

I'll turn around
nice, real cool,

say, "Ladies and gentlemen,
fellow brethren..."

That's not a pulpit,
that's an altar.

And I'm only supposed
to be up there.

All right, all right.

Yeah, well,
what if the bishop

would have walked in
and seen you up there?

Couldn't you talk
to the bishop?

I mean, there's got
to be some favor

I could do here
for the church.

I got it.

I could use my influence,
and every Sunday,

I could give you
a full house.

You know, that is,
if you don't mind

an entire female
congregation.

I appreciate the thought,
Fonzie, but...

maybe it would be better
if you worked

on some
of the church buses.

No sweat.

Just talk to the bishop, all
right, and remind him

that I have agreed
to get my hair wet.

Everyone gets their hair wet
when they're baptized.

Of course, they're
babies, they're bald.

It took me years
to grow this D.A.

Getting your hair wet
is such a big sacrifice?

Well, when you
say it like that,

it doesn't seem to be
so important, you know?

Forget it, huh?

Al, Al, try and pull
yourself together, okay?

I can't,
I just can't.

I've heard
of crying

at weddings
and funerals, but...

I always cry
at ceremonies.

I cried when my restaurant
came out of escrow.

(organ music playing)

Shh, shh,
it's starting.

Sit down.

(mumbling)

(organ continues playing)

(baby crying)

(crying continues)

Welcome, welcome,
welcome.

(music stops)

First, let me say...

this is an
extraordinary baptism.

And this
is an extraordinary boy.

Thanks to him,
we're the only church in town

that has buses that go
from zero to in . seconds.

Not that we'll ever use it,

but it's good to know.

Now to continue.

We are gathered here
to witness the baptisms

of John Charles
Richardson...

James Michael
Corleone...

and Arthur Herbert
Fonzarelli.

RALPH AND POTSIE (laughing):
Herbert.

Oh, sorry, Fonz.

Now, as the
ceremony begins,

some friends
will come up and sing.

(organ playing
"Faith of Our Fathers")

♪ Faith of our fathers ♪

♪ Living still ♪

♪ In spite of dungeon ♪

♪ Fire and sword ♪

♪ Oh, how our hearts ♪

♪ b*at high with joy ♪

♪ Whene'er we hear ♪

♪ That glorious word ♪

♪ Faith of our fathers ♪

♪ Holy faith ♪

♪ We will be true ♪

♪ To thee till death. ♪

(music stops)

(organ music playing)

Now, if everyone
will please be seated.

And now,
Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli

would like to make
a little speech.

You know, uh, Father Delvecchio
was worried about my speech.

I don't want
to make a speech, I...

I just want to say a few words.

I mean, I-I put on a suit,
you know,

and a vest and a tie
and everything,

and I learned a lot here and...

especially
about the Ten Commandments.

I know you all know
about the Ten Commandments.

How could you not,
seeing it in VistaVision

with Charlton Heston, you know?

It's not every day
that two tablets

pop out of a burning bush.

You know, I think that's true.

Anyway, my favorite commandment
is the th.

Is it not yours, Father?

Yeah, yeah.

The commandment goes,

"Love thy neighbor as you would
yourself," you know?

I invited
my neighbors here,

all races, all creeds,
you know, all religions,

'cause I... I figured
maybe he'd like it.

So I just want
to say that, uh,

I figure I
got home base covered.

And I love my neighbors.

And, uh...

I'm getting a little misty
up here, you know?

That was very nice.
Sure.

Let's all rise.

And sing number .

(organ playing
"Faith of Our Fathers")

♪ Faith of our fathers ♪

♪ Faith and prayer ♪

Thanks for
listening, huh?

Whoa.

♪ Be brave and free ♪

♪ And through the truth ♪

♪ That comes from God ♪

♪ Her children have ♪

♪ True liberty ♪

♪ Faith of our fathers ♪

♪ Holy faith... ♪

Hi there, guys.

Hi, girls.
Hi.
Hi, girls.

ALL:
"Hi, guys"?

You sure look nice
in your suits.

Yeah?
Oh, well, I...

guess you never saw us

in our Sunday clothes
before, huh?

No. You all look very handsome.

Yeah? Well, hey,

thanks a lot
for the compliment.

Uh, come on guys,
let's go back to the booth.

Potsie, what are you, crazy?

He does look good
in his suit, huh?

Really?
RICHIE:
Yeah.
Oh.

What are you three
lovelies up to?

Oh, uh, we're loose.

(laughing excitedly)

They're loose.
These girls are loose.

They're loose.

They're loose,
these girls.

Well, uh, would you ladies
care to dance?

All right.
Oh, come on.
Come on.

Let's go, yeah, hey.
All right.

Don't be hesitant.

Oh... my cup
runneth over.

♪ It isn't very hard to do ♪

♪ And you'll find happiness
without an end ♪

♪ Whenever you can ♪

Excuse me, my boyfriend.

♪ Remember anyone can dream ♪

♪ And nothing's bad
as it may seem... ♪

The Lord giveth,
and the Lord taketh away.

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These happy days are yours
and mine , Happy Days! ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin'
all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪