06x05 - Casanova Cunningham

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Happy Days is filmed
before a studio audience.

♪ Ooh, wa-wa-wa ♪

♪ Ba, ba-ba-ba ♪

♪ Ba-ba, oom-da,
oom-da, ooh, wa, wa, wa ♪

♪ I am only five years
old and my baby's three ♪

All right, hey,
hey, that's great.

Oh, much better,
Cloris, much better.

Much better. Don't
worry about the helmet.

You return it when
your hair grows back.

Matches.

Talk about hot dates. Whoa!

Oh, I can't believe it, Potsie.

Would you cut it out, Malph?

Listen to this one. You know how

all the fraternity guys
are lying to their girls

so they can take
out a baton twirler?

- Yeah?
- Yeah?

Potsie here actually

told Jennifer
the truth about it.

Yeah, how'd it work out?

Good thing he
doesn't play the piano.

Now, that's not funny, Malph!

Come on, would
you just cut it out?

Hold it, hold it, cool it, here.

Now, Weber did the right thing.

- What?!
- I don't know how he thought of it,

but he did the right thing.

That's right, honesty is
your best policy, right?

Yeah.

You're gonna take out
a baton twirler, ain't you?

Yes, I am.

So, what are you, what
are you gonna tell...

What did you
tell, uh, Lori Beth?

- Yeah, what did you tell her?
- What did you tell Lori Beth?

- What did you tell her?
- Well, I-I haven't told her yet.

But-But, you know, we
have a mature relationship,

and, uh, well, I'll just,
uh, lay it on the line.

- Just gonna lay it on the line.
- She'll understand.

- She's gonna understand.
- It'll be that simple.

Simple like that.

Rich, here's your
chance, there she is.

Go tell her, right now.

- Need a guitar?
- Well... No, I'm...

- Let's see how simple it is.
- Yeah, simple.

Lori Beth?

- Hi guys, how you doing?
- L.B. -L.B.

You wanted to talk
to me, Sizzle Lips?

I sure did.

We'll talk while we dance.

I just love it when
he takes charge.

Lori Beth, uh, I suppose
you've heard about

that fraternity dance where
everybody's supposed to

take out the baton
twirlers, right?

Yeah, I did. Boy,
does that burn me.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I mean, where does
that pushy fraternity get off,

telling guys they have to
escort a bunch of twirlers?

A lot of guys have girlfriends.

Like you.

Well, now there are
two sides to every story.

About tonight.

Yeah, Rich?

♪ I seem to be what
I'm not, you see... ♪

Well, so far, so good.

Ah, see that? That's
where he's gonna

dump the information on her.

- Huh.
- And this is where she dumps him.

Oh, boy, is she understanding.

She didn't even break anything.

I can't believe it.

I bet you she gets him later.

She'll ambush him in the
parking lot or something.

Yeah.

You know, it does my heart
good to see you two lovebirds.

Yeah, right. Uh, don't you
have something you have to do?

Sure do. I'm going right
home and bake some cookies

for your adventure tonight.

Cookies...?

Adventure?!

What understanding!

What a woman.

I have to drive my
Aunt Ceil to the airport,

but I'll see you at 11:00,
after you're through.

Right.

After he's through?!

RALPH and POTSIE: What a woman!

Let me tell you something.
This understanding

is far and above
any middle class.

Oh, and Rich, please be careful.

It could be dangerous driving
around that police car tonight.

It's his journalism assignment.

- Yeah.
- See you.

Shh!

Police car.

You told her you were
driving around in a police car.

Hey Rich, does a
police car twirl a baton?

Hey, Richard? Better hurry up,

you can't be late
for the police car.

Yeah, right Dad, thank you.

How'd you know
about the police car?

Oh, Lori Beth stopped by

- while you were in the shower.
- Oh.

She brought these
cookies for tonight.

Oh, yeah, nice.
Oh, plenty of raisins.

Richard, now, uh, prowling...
That sounds awfully dangerous

to me; the dark
streets and thugs

and flying b*ll*ts
and all this stuff.

Marion, the police
are not gonna take him

into a dangerous situation.

Yeah, well, I guess
I better get going.

Good luck to you.

Thanks.

10-4.

Police jargon.

Well, let's take a look at the
TV Guide and see what's on.

I'm not going in a police car.

Well, thank heavens, Richard.

I'm taking out Corrine,
the baton twirler.

That's right, I'm
cheating on Lori Beth.

Oh, my goodness.

Is this the way we
brought you up?

You're gonna cheat on a girl
who made you oatmeal cookies?

Marion, will you calm down?

We haven't heard
the whole story yet.

What's the story, Richard?

Well, it's fraternity business.

Hey, maybe I'm
not really cheating.

I mean, all the guys

have to take out
baton twirlers, that's all.

Go on...

Well, it's not as if
we're sneaking around.

I mean, we're going
to a public place,

we're-we're eating public food.

And what would happen if
Lori Beth were to walk in?

The public would see me with a
baton wrapped around my neck.

A baton wrapped around...

Just trying to cheer myself up.

It's not working, is it?

No... well, it's because
I'm cheating on Lori Beth,

and-and worse
than that, I lied to her.

Look, Richard, I-I don't know
all the circumstances here,

but it would seem to me that

if-if you told Lori Beth a
little white lie to save her

a big hurt, well,

- maybe that's all right.
- Well, yeah, but that...

that still doesn't make me
feel any better about it. I...

All right, I'm gonna
call Lori Beth,

I'm gonna tell her
the whole thing.

Good boy. We
brought you up right.

I can't call Lori Beth.

She's taking her
Aunt Ceil to the airport.

Well, I wouldn't worry about it.

Look, tonight you'll go
out on this date and...

And tomorrow you'll tell
your little white lie to Lori Beth,

and hope things will
turn out right and normal.

What can happen?
She's a baton twirler, right?

Her arms are probably tired.

Well, I-I got to go.

Thanks for your help.

You know, life...

is tough.

Hey, Al.

Oh, hi, Rich. Listen...

Al, I'm smooth.

Oh, am I smooth.

I mean, you got Valentino,

you got Gable,
you got Fonzarelli

and now you got...

Cunningham.

Yeah, Rich, I know...

Yeah, Gable and Cunningham,
I mean, it surprises me too,

but, what fancy
footwork tonight... oh!

First, I put the brush on this
gorgeous baton twirler, Corrine,

but now, on to the
main event... Lori Beth.

Here, at 11:00.

Richie, Richie, Richie,

Richie, Richie, Richie,
Richie, Richie, Richie...

Yowza, yowza,
yowza, yowza, yowza.

Hi, Richard.

Corrine.

Look, didn't I just drop you
off at the sorority house?

Oh, Rich, it's no fun there.

No fun?! Are you kidding?
Uh... the pillow fight

is just beginning. You
don't want to miss that.

You know, I was in one
of those once, Al; I know

- she doesn't want to miss it.
- Why would I want

to pillow fight when
I can be with you?

Besides, it's too
early to go home.

Not for me...

Oh, I got to be in by 11:00.

You know, Al, I've discovered
if I don't get my eight hours

of sleep, I'm just
cranky all the next day.

- I'm very, very cranky.
- There's plenty of time; relax.

Let's sit down, Richiekins.

Richiekins? Uh...

Look, uh, why don't you
just sit right over here and...

and I'll be with you
in a second, okay?

Al, Al...

- Yeah?
- All right, Al,

you got to give me the keys
so I can close up tonight.

I'm meeting Lori
Beth here later.

Richiekins,
Richiekins, Richiekins...

Look, I can't be rude to her.

I-I'm gonna talk to her,

I'm gonna get rid of her

and then it's me and
Lori Beth, forever.

Oh, Rich,

"what a tangled web we weave...

when first we
practice to deceive."

- All right, all right, here's the key.
- Oh, thanks, Al.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah...

♪ Scooby, doo-bee, doo... ♪

Yeah, right, Al, I think
she's a great girl, too.

Yeah, that... that Al.

Oh, what a great guy he is.

- You're a great guy.
- Well...

Here, uh, let me
sit next to you.

Real close.

Well, that-that's close.

Corrine, you're
crushing my cookies.

You know, my cookies.

Well, they're not
too crushed yet.

Uh, do you want one?

No, thanks.

Don't know what you're
missing... oatmeal and...

All right...

So, uh, what are you
studying at-at Michigan?

Philosophy.

Do you know what, uh,
philosophy teaches us?

Uh, I...

It teaches us to

take life as it comes.

Kissing fingers? They-They
do that at Michigan?

Uh, all right, all
right, philosophy.

Uh, well, and, uh, who's
your favorite philosopher?

Don't have a favorite, huh?

Well, I guess my favorite
has always been, uh,

Confucius.

You know, uh...

"That which is done," uh,

is needless to," uh...

Well, I don't
remember what he said,

but it was great stuff.

Okay, so much for philosophy.

Uh, baton twirling...

uh, how long have you
been ba-twirling the baton?

That long, huh?

Uh, you know, I
never could do that.

Yeah, I, uh, I played
the saxophone

a little bit. Of
course, I-I never...

twirled it, I...

What, Richiekins?

Who knows? You talk too much.

Lori Beth.

She's gonna know. It's
probably written all over my face.

Guilt, guilt, guilt.

All right, look, what are
you so worried about?

Now, you and Lori
Beth aren't married,

I mean, you're not
even going steady. It...

It's because you
like her, bucko.

Will you look at this?
I'm talking to myself.

I got to gain a little
composure, here.

I just got to...

to be cool.

All right, nobody's gonna know.

There.

Hi, Fonz.

You cheated.

It-it's written all
over my face, isn't it?

Cheat! Cheat! Cheat!

Especially around the lip area.

- Look at this here.
- What?

Huh, what is that,
Coral Pink Number Five?

Not even L.B.'s shade.

You should hang
your lips in shame.

Oh.

I know, Fonz, but
Corrine was amazing.

I mean, uh, well,
she-she touched my chest.

- So what?
- She nibbled my ears.

So what?

She kissed my fingers.

She kissed your fingers?
She must be from Michigan.

I'm not interested!

Look, I don't cotton to liars,
and I don't cotton to cheaters.

Fonz, my coat!

Couldn't you just be
quietly ashamed of me?

A former Eagle Scout!

Is there no... is there no
end to life's disillusionments?

Next thing I'm gonna find out is

that Tonto hated the
Lone Ranger, or vice versa.

You're right... cheat, liar!

Taking cookies under
false pretenses, that's me.

If I could turn back
the hands of time...

I wouldn't be the skeevey,

grungy, lowly,
miserable, awful...

All right, all right, all
right, Cunningham!

We'll see what we
can do about this.

You'd help a skeevey,
grungy, lowly, miserable...

You're right... I
don't help cheaters.

I don't help liars. Forget it.

On the other hand, if I
did... No, forget it! Forget it!

What? On the other hand,
what, Fonz? What would you do?

- Mint leaves.
- Mint leaves.

Wait! What would I do with
them? Would I chew 'em?

Rub 'em all over you.

No, not in there.

Come on, Al, you
gotta have some.

I can't believe Al doesn't
have any mint leaves in here!

How can he expect to
run a successful business

when he doesn't even know
how to stock a bathroom?

Oh, look at this.

Everything but
what you really need.

All right... all right,
you got to improvise.

Soap.

Soap is strong.

Great!

Next best thing to mint leaves.

Now for the clothes.

Oh, yeah, definitely Corrine.

All right, gotta air this out.

Richie, you here?

Huh? Oh... brother.

Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm
in here, Lori Beth.

Just, uh, alone, though.

I'm just totally
by myself, uh...

I'll be right out, okay?

Oh... never gonna forgive
Al for not having mint leaves.

Richie, what are you doing?

Taking a bath?

She knows!

Uh, taking a bath?

What a kidder.

No, no, but I'll be out
in just a second, okay?

Tell you what.

Just-just stay as far
away from her as you can,

and you're gonna be fine.

What are you shaking for?!

I'm the one in trouble.

Here I come, Lori Beth.

Hi, Rich. -Hi.

Did something happen
in the police car?

Oh, no, nothing, uh, serious...

just, uh, apprehended
a thug, you know.

Uh, got a little rough.

♪ We gotta say good-bye... ♪

Crushed your cookies.

- Uh, I'm glad to see you.
- ♪ For the summer ♪

- Rich?
- Door works.

- Always did.
- ♪ I will promise you this... ♪

Yeah, right. Let's go
outside and talk in the wind.

Richie, what's the matter?

Nothing. Nothing's the matter.

- ♪ Every day in a letter ♪
- You forgot to kiss me.

Oh, yeah, I... I'm sorry.

♪ Sealed with a kiss... ♪

Oh, that was
nice. I enjoyed that.

- Can I take you home now?
- Home? I just got here.

You're acting awfully
strange tonight.

I'm not acting strange.

I'm acting perfectly normal.

Uh, let's dance.

My-my knee already started.

Let's go.

Richie, wait a minute!

This is a slow dance.

Oh, oh, right.

We gotta dance close.

Yeah.

Rich?

Why are you going...?

You smell like soap.

Soap!

Of course. I'm clean.

A man washes, what
do you expect? Soap.

Boy, are you sensitive.

Come on, let's,
uh, sit this one out.

Oh, that's a great idea.

Boy, did I miss you.

- Lori Beth?
- Yeah, Rich?

I cheated. I lied.

I was out with a
baton twirler tonight!

No squad car. I-I was
with Ralph and Potsie

and their girls and-and Corrine,

and-and I wanted to discuss
philosophy, she wanted to neck.

She won. She wore
me down, Lori Beth.

She wore me down.

I feel so much better.

I'm glad I got
that off my chest.

You know something?

You are easy to talk to.

Now we can go
to Inspiration Point.

Wait a minute!

Now we're gonna talk some more.

Exactly how much
wearing down was there?

How much was there?

Well, there was...

I mean, you know...

Well, she was...

And I...

Uh, she...

She... wore me right down.

Richie, I don't understand.

Do you remember the
day of our first date?

- It was at the library.
- Sure.

You came up and asked if
you could sit down next to me.

We were, uh, freshman. I...

And I asked you if
you were in a fraternity,

and you said "yes."

You told me the
name of the fraternity.

Yeah, uh...

Mama Papa Sister.

And then you admitted
you really lived at home.

I said to myself,

"Now there's a nice
boy, an honest boy".

And then my lips had to wander.

But I could forgive you
for the kissing, Rich.

Men are so weak.

Oh, I know. It's weak flesh.

But tonight, you
lied to me, Richie.

You lied.

I can never
forgive you for that.

Bye, Richie.

Good-bye, Lori Beth.

A lot of action in
this booth tonight.

Okay, Lori Beth, you
are a free woman.

You ought to try
our new business:

The Ralph and
Potsie Dating Service.

Our motto is, "You want a
hunk, we sift out the junk."

That's right, and we've got
all sorts of different prices.

For five bucks, we'll set you up

with the campus
crème de la crème.

Pass.

Well, then, there's
our buck special.

We stand you in
front of the men's dorm

and shout, "Come and get her!"

Forget it, Ralph.

Pots, she's a
good friend, right?

Real good friend.

For you, Potsie and I will give
you the best deal we've got...

Absolutely free...
A charming guy.

Very charming.

Oh, you'll love him.
He's a good friend of ours.

Red hair, freckles.

Size nine shoes.

And a cheater.

Nice try, fellas, but
the answer is "no."

N-O.

Fonz, I want to go home. I...

How long are you
going to keep this up?

You're making me nutso,
you're making your parents nutso.

You sit in front of the TV set,

you spend three days
watching Divorce Court.

It's the only program
I identify with.

Well, I'll meet you outside.

Oh, Rich, isn't he a real hunk?

I mean, a college man.

Did you see the
patches on the sleeves?

Only phonies and Robert
Young wear patches.

Oh, yeah?

Well, Robert
Young doesn't cheat.

Oh, yeah?

Well, how do you know that?

You get over here.

Now I know that
you're going bananas!

Everybody knows that
Robert Young don't cheat!

Oh. Of course.

Now, look at this.

I'm in a lousy mood, so I'm
taking it out on Robert Young.

See, then, why don't
you do me a favor,

do your parents a
favor, do yourself a favor,

and make up with her?

You think I didn't try?

I called her. She won't
come to the phone.

You don't have to call her here.

She's right there, see? Go on.

Get over there.

Sweet.

Hey, Rich.

- Hey, well, speak of the Devil.
- ♪ I found my thrill ♪

- Hi, guys.
- Hi.

Can I talk to Lori Beth, please?

- ♪ On Blueberry Hill... ♪
- Sure, Rich. -You got it.

Don't leave, guys.

Right, Lori Beth.

Bye, Lori Beth.

♪ On Blueberry Hill ♪

♪ When I found you ♪

♪ You know, the
moon stood still ♪

Hi, Lori Beth.

- Hi.
- ♪ On Blueberry Hill ♪

How are you doing?

Great. Really great.

- ♪ And lingered until ♪
- Oh, that's good.

I'm doing great, too.

- ♪ My dream came true ♪
- All right, look.

There's something I...
that I have to say to you.

All right? I...

I-I was wrong the other night.

I mean, I-I was
really wrong. I...

I just... I should
of had more faith

in our... in our relationship.

In us. In you.

And I never should have lied.

And I'm sorry.

At least I got to say what
I... what I wanted to say.

Apology accepted.

Really?

That's-that's great.

But after all that's happened,
it could never be the same.

Oh.

Yeah.

But maybe we could...

start over again... clean.

Yeah.

We could do that.

Uh, all right, all
right, let's see.

Uh, you were sitting.

Uh, I was standing.

Excuse me. Is,
uh, this seat taken?

No.

Well...

Uh, do you belong
to a fraternity?

Oh, sure.

Are you kidding? The best one.

Mama Papa Sister.

To tell you the truth...

I live at home.

No, I don't do that
on the first date.

But I guess I can
make an exception.

♪ On Blueberry Hill. ♪

Hi, sweetheart. I'm home early.

Shh. Shh.

Marion, are you watching
those silly soap operas again?

Oh, no, of course not, dear.

This is the continuing adult
drama of Divorce Court.

Oh... How many
times have I told you...?

There isn't any
penance in the world.

I'm all the worst things
you can call a man...

What happened to them?

Well, same old thing.

They were so young and happy.

Yeah?

And then, one day, he
started cheating on her.

Well, maybe he couldn't help it.

Maybe he never got it out of
his system from being single.

Oh, you men, you
always stick together.

Heard that you
chartered a plane?

Yes, the pilot chartered
the plane, and I...

Did you ever cheat, Howard?

Of course not.

Then it's still in your system!

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪