06x15 - Richie Gets Framed

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Happy Days was filmed
before a studio audience.

Mom?

Where is everybody this morning?

Well, let me see.

- Your father is outside
looking for the paper, -Oh.

And your sister is studying
for her geometry test.

Well, I-I need an audience,
Mom, an audience.

Today is the debate
for class president.

Me versus Fred Collins.

I got to practice
my speech here.

Mom, I'm under
a lot of pressure.

Oh, yes, yes, dear.

I-I'll be very happy
to listen to you.

Oh, good. All right.

- Okay, go ahead.
- Have a seat.

Okay.

Uh, the debate
will go like this.

First, I'll be introduced...

You know where
he threw it today?

On the porch. On the porch.

- On the porch.
- Well...

Took me ten minutes
before I found it.

I almost froze to death.

Well, he's supposed to
throw it on the porch, dear.

Well, it's the first time
in two years, Marion.

Dad. Uh, Mom?

Well, everybody has an off day.

Yeah, when I delivered
papers as a kid,

- I always hit the porch.
- Dad! Mom?

Richard, there's
no need to shout.

Oh, Howard, Richard has his
great sophomore debate today.

Yeah.

Let me give you
some advice, Richard.

Oh, good. I need some.

- Shave.
- Shave?

Must have cost
Nixon a million votes.

You thought he won that debate.

Well, he did. That's the point.

He did. He scored very well.

But the next day, all I heard
was: "Nixon didn't shave."

Well, he looked a little scuffy.

Yeah. Boy, did he.

All right, now,
about my campaign...

Oh, Mom, I feel really sick.

Feel my forehead.

Oh, Joanie, you cannot
stay home from school today.

Oh, Mom, I'm sure it's the flu.

A virus... You
know, that's worse.

Malaria.

Joanie, all you
have is geometry-itis.

Why don't you just study?

Well, anybody can study.

I want malaria.

I'll buy you a mosquito.

All right, now... now,
sit down, please.

I want to... I want to do
my speech for you, okay?

Now, first thing that will
happen is: I'll be introduced.

Mm-hmm.

"Richard J. Cunningham."

Hey, listen, the best of
good mornings to you, too,

but applause ain't
necessary, you know.

Hey, thanks, Mrs. C.

Well, that's it. I'm
through. I'm finished.

I'm not getting any help at
all on my election campaign.

- I was thinking about that, huh?
- Yeah?

Hey, hey, how's this
for a slogan, right?

"Richie Cunningham... heyyy.

The other guy, get out of here."

Well, I'm not sure how that
would work on a bumper sticker.

Look, Richard, can we
get on with this, please?

Oh, sure.

Arthur, Richard's just going
to let us hear his platform.

- Hey, I'm all ears, Richie.
- Thanks.

I'm all ears.

sh**t!

My fellow sophomores,

point number one:

UWM is administered
by a board of regents,

average age 62 years old.

Therefore, I have
erected the framework

to place student representatives
on the dais of our ruling body.

- Ah, that's terrific.
- That's great. -Very good.

Oh, wait, wait. Fonz? Mom?

- What's the matter?
- That's only my first point.

I've got 21 more
points to my platform.

- He's got 21 more points.
- 21?

Point number two...

Point 22.

Restripe the
students' parking lot.

Right now, we have
those straight lines,

and you have to
make a very sharp turn

to get into a space.

I propose that we
angle those lines.

I think he's losing them, Pots.

- Potsie!
- Huh? What? Huh?

I think everyone agrees
that angled parking spaces

are a whole lot
easier to get into.

Well, those are my
22 platform points.

If elected, I promise
to do my very best

to achieve each and
every one of them.

Thank you.

Let's hear it for
Richie Cunningham.

Yeah, yeah, hear it
for Richie Cunningham.

All right, all right.

Yeah, yeah.

- How'd I do?
- No more talk.

- Just sit down.
- Sit down.

That, of course, was our own
candidate, Richie Cunningham.

Yeah.

Now it's my duty to
introduce the other candidate,

Mr. Fred Rollins.

That's, uh, Collins.

Oh, I'm sorry, Ted.

My approach to this office

is a lot simpler than
that of my worthy

and somewhat
long-winded opponent.

My platform has but two planks:

shorter classes
and beer on campus.

Let's hear it for our
next president, Fred.

We want Fred!

We want Fred!

We want Fred! We want Fred!

We want Fred! We
want Fred! We want Fred!

Hey, what kind
of debate is that?

Where's my rebuttal?

Arthur, you want
some more veggies?

Yeah, I could take
another scoop there, Mrs. C.

All right. Peas,
broccoli or yams?

Yes, yes, yes.

Okay.

Thank you. There you go, Rich.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

Thank you.

Why don't I just
get you a shovel?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You know, I've been thinking.

I might add to my 22 points.

Oh, no, no, listen to this.

Just, you know, maybe
a couple of parties

and a field trip to the brewery.

Uh, free samples... count me in.

Joanie.

Richard, just because
you've slipped a little

doesn't mean you have to
work yourself into a panic.

Now, you planned your campaign.

You put in a lot of
time and effort on it.

You should stick to your g*ns.

But, Dad, we're
running neck and neck.

I may even be losing.

How can he possibly keep
those campaign promises?

It's impossible.

Tell me how he's going to
keep those campaign promises.

I'll tell you something...
I tell you to slow down.

I'll get it.

Well, if you do lose,

at least you won't have
to resort to tricks and lies.

That's a good point.

Hi, Howie. Smile.

Okay, Rich, your
troubles are over.

Do that again, and
yours will be beginning.

Rich, Rich, we
got it all figured out.

In your time of need,
we're falling back

on a certain campaign ploy.

Here. Hold her.

Okay. Pucker up, Rich.

I'm not kissing any babies.

Oh, Mom, isn't it cute?

Oh, it's a doll!

Fellas, a doll?

Mr. C., you know how
hard it is to rent a baby?

When I was a baby, my
father rented me out all the time.

Did he ask for a deposit?

Okay, come on, Richie.

- Get up.
- Yeah, come on.

- Take the picture.
- Put the doll...

- Okay, you move over there. Pucker up.
- Yeah.

But don't squeeze her
stomach or else she'll wet.

Guys, I got a lot to do.

I got speeches tomorrow
with the glee club,

the debating society,
the foreign students club...

And they don't
even speak English.

These guys are giving
me a doll that wets.

All right. Okay, Rich,
we'll get you a real baby.

We didn't know it
meant that much to you.

Well, I don't want
any baby at all.

No, I... All right,
give me the baby.

- I'll try.
- Good. Good.

Goo-goo... No, it's ridiculous.

Forget it.

I don't know what I want to do.

All right, it's conference
time. Let's go, Rich.

Fonz, I got a lot of
speeches to write.

I mean, what am I going to
say to the foreign students?

- Hola?
- Hey, hey.

Let me tell you something...
This political thing

is making you wacko and crazy

about everybody
that's around you.

Understand? Now, listen to me.

I'm going to take you someplace

that's going to calm
you right down, unwind.

There's no way I'm gonna
unwind until this election's over.

- No way.
- Right, I'll take bets on that.

- Excuse us. We'll see you later.
- Huh?

Huh. Whoa on this guy.

Oh, Howard, it's been so
long since I held a little...

Wouldn't it be nice?

All right, sweetheart,
I'll get you a doll.

Come on, Red,
you're going to get

so relaxed.

Fonz, I don't think
I ought to be here.

Hey, hey, I'm telling you,

this is a legit massage parlor.

Now, get in here with me.

Get in here with me!

Fonz, this just isn't my
kind of place, you know.

I mean... well, it's drafty.

I could catch a cold.

At night, if I leave
my window open,

even a little cr*ck, I'm doomed.

I mean, I am really doomed.

I'll tell you what
you really are.

You're tense is what you are.

And a massage is
going to relax you.

The best thing in
the world to relax you,

because you are tense, Jack.

Tense? Tense?

I am not tense.

When I entered
the political arena,

I knew there would be pressures,

but I am not
tense; I'm just shy.

Hi there.

Right back at you.

Hey, Edie, this is my good
friend, Richie Cunningham.

I want you to fix
him up, all right?

He's cute.

Well, the gods smiled on me.

Take good care
of him, all right?

I've got an order to go.

Later.

- Bye.
- Whoa.

Fonz?

You ready?

Ready?

For your rubdown.

Rubdown?

Do you repeat everything?

Everything?

Well, we better get started.

Let's lie on the table.

Okay, uh, why
don't you go first?

- You are tense.
- Yeah.

Now, this is the way it works.

What?

You lie on the table.

I do the rubbing.

Oh.

Alcohol?

Oh, no, thanks.

Uh, I drink an occasional
beer from time to time...

Nah. I meant rubbing alcohol.

Oh. Uh, Edie, listen, uh,
I'll take a rain check, okay?

Listen, I-I have
to level with you.

I've never been in a
massage parlor before.

- No kidding.
- No.

You're cute.

Off with the sheet, fella.

I'd like to keep
that on, please.

Tattoos.

One drunken night
on the town, and...

Well, you know how it is.

Sure.

Well...

Ooh.

Yeah. How about
those Packers this year?

Yeah.

That Lombardi
really knows his stuff.

Yeah.

And Bart. Oh...

I thought you'd like that.

Uh, just a little lower there.

- Ah...
- Yep.

Cunningham, say cheese.

This is gonna ruin
you, Cunningham.

Ruin you!

Enjoy yourself.

Don't worry.

Happens all the time.

Ah...

♪♪

Thank you. Thank you very much.

All right.

How's the poll going, Pots?

Let's see. Question number one:

Are you voting in the
upcoming election?

Yes.

Two: Have you
decided on a candidate?

Undecided.

Question number three:

Will you go out with Ralph
Malph Saturday night?

What's this word?

Never mind, Pots.

Well, fellas, any
trend developing?

Yes. It looks like I'm gonna
be home Saturday night.

I'm ruined.

It's gonna be a scandal.

It's gonna be my good name

dragged through the
muck and the slime.

Hey, Rich. What's new?

What's new?

Mullet and Collins took some
incriminating pictures of me

down at Edie's Massage Parlor.

That's what's new.

Oh, Rich, how could
you do this to us?

Me do? I didn't do.

They must have followed me.

- You went to a massage parlor?
- Yeah.

And you didn't
take Potsie and me?

Hey, hey, we work
our fingers to the bone,

we arrange your speeches,
buy you a baby doll...

Eight bucks out
of our own pocket.

What a slap in the face.

Well, I'm sorry, Pots,

but there's nothing
I could do about it.

It doesn't matter now, anyway.

No way I can win this election.

Well, Rich, another
budding political career

wrecked by the
candidate's wanton desires.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But what a way to go.

All right.

All right, all right.

What if we could get
our hands on that film?

Yeah.

Oh, brother, Ralph.

- Hey.
- Wouldn't I love that?

- All right, then let's do it, Rich.
- Yeah?

They can't get it
developed before morning.

And it's got to be
in Collins' room.

Now, wait a minute.
This doesn't sound ethical.

Hey, Al, what's
ethical about blackmail

and public humiliation, huh?

The man's right, Al.

This humiliated man is right.

Politics is dirty business,

and you have to
fight fire with fire.

- Let's do it.
- All right, come on.

Now, we got to get organized.

- We're going to
need a ladder, - Right.

Rope, Fig Newtons.

Fig Newtons?

Oh, yeah, perfect for a robbery.

They don't make any
noise when you eat 'em.

Hey, guys, good
luck on the robbery.

What am I saying?

Like the man said,

one picture's worth
a thousand words.

- You mean a thousand votes.
- Yeah.

We better put
this in a safe place.

Oh, right.

First thing tomorrow,
we'll take this film

down to the school paper,

and then it's good-bye,
Mr. Cunningham.

Safe and sound.

Hey, we better go
downstairs to the party,

or all the best chicks
are gonna be gone.

Oh.

After you, Mr. President.

- Pots?
- Yeah.

Hold the window steady.

Gotcha.

How's that?

Oh, anyone can do it that way.

Get inside.

All right, be careful, guys.

Quiet. Quiet.

Shh.

Come on, come on, come on.

You know, there's
something about this.

I mean, this is wrong.

You're right.

You can't eat Fig
Newtons through a stocking.

Right, Pots. Look at this.

I've got a run, and it's
the first time I've worn it.

What are you turning
the lights on for?

Because Potsie
forgot the flashlight.

Good point. Can't
steal in the dark.

All right, let's get
this over with quick.

- You're right. Okay.
- All right.

Now, what we're looking
for is the camera or the film.

- You got it?
- Not yet.

Potsie, will you check the door?

Yeah, all right.

Door works.

Close the door.

- Lock the door.
- Lock the door.

Close the door, open the door...
Would you make up your mind?

All right, Pots, you
check the right side

- of the desk, okay?
- All right, got it, got it.

I get the left side.

- Hey, Rich.
- Did you find it?

No, but while we're here,
let's short-sheet the bed.

My entire political
career is on the line,

and you want to play jokes?

How'd anyone know we're here?

All right, shh.
I'll get it. I'll get it.

Hurry up. All right.

- Come on.
- Get up.

Hello.

Hello. Hello!

Oh.

All right, can you hear me now?

Uh, no, he...

What?

It was Teddy Roosevelt.

Oh, yeah?

All right, bye.

What was that?

It was a quiz.

I just won ten free
mambo lessons.

- Oh!
- Come on.

Hey, Malph.

Ever hear of a magazine
called Sunshine and Health?

Yeah, it's some kind of
nudist camp magazine.

Nudist camp magazine?

Oh! Oh!

How would you like to
see a sweater on that?

Hey, guys.

Guys, the file cabinet.

It's got to be...

- Not bad.
- Yeah.

Come on, let's
check the file cabinet.

- Oh, right. Forget that.
- Oh, yeah. Mmm.

- It's got to be in there, Rich.
- All right. All right.

Oh. Oh, no, it's locked?

They're all locked.

Somebody's coming.

- Hide. -Hide! Come on!
- Quick, quick!

Oh! Come on!

Come out, come out
from wherever you are.

- Fonz!
- Fonzie.

Fonz, how could you have
possibly known where we were?

Well, Al told me
about the fraternity,

and this is the, uh, only
window with a drill in it.

Oh, good, Fonz.

You saw my clue.

Right.

You found what you come for?

Yeah, I think so, Fonz.

It's in here, only
this is locked.

You know what this is?

A file cabinet.

- No.
- Sure looks like one.

Yes, but no.

This is breaking
and entering, guys.

Sure, now you go...

At Arnold's, you were
saying fight fire with fire.

- Hey, let me tell you something, Rich.
- Huh?

- Like my old grandma used to say...
- Yeah?

"Two wrongs definitely
does not a right make, honey."

If that picture gets
into circulation,

- I'm in big trouble, Fonz...
- Hey, let me tell you something.

A president stealing don't make

a good impression,
either, you know.

- Oh...
- And if you do this, Rich,

you'll never be able to
look at that cherubim face

in the mirror again.

Come on, Fonz, so he can
wash his face with his eyes closed.

That's right.

You got to live with it.

Okay, come on.

- All right!
- We did it!

We got it. Oh, thank you.

Hey, Rich, you
see, we got the film.

- Yeah.
- That's terrific.

- That's it. We got it.
- We got it.

All right, all right,
let's get out of here.

- Come on.
- Okay, let's go, guys.

Wait a second, guys.

Fonz, you don't
want me to do this.

And I don't want
to do it, either.

I'm very proud of you.

Well, like you said,

"Two wrongs definitely
does not a right make, honey."

All right, let's
get out of here.

- Oh, yeah.
- Come on, Rich, let's go.

- Okay.
- Come on, Malph.

You guys go ahead.
I'm just gonna...

I'll check the door.
I-I'll be right there.

Hurry up.

Right. Right, Fonz, right.

Put it back, Malph.

But, Fonz, naked volleyball.

Malph.

Dad, will you just look at this?

My picture is smack dab on the
front page of the school paper.

- Huh? You see it?
- Richard, it's gonna be all right

just as soon as you explain
everything to the voters.

Now, Richard, we know it
was an innocent thing, dear.

It's too late for all that.

Everybody's already voted.

The polls are closed.

Guess I could transfer schools.

Eastern New Mexico,

Yale, Siberia.

Oh, Richard, not Siberia.

You'll never get
home for Christmas.

You know, this is the
biggest family scandal

since Grandmother
Kelp and the handyman.

That was just a case of mistaken

- identity, dear.
- Oh.

That's not what the
handyman said in court.

Joanie.

Look, Richard, that photograph

is going to be
forgotten in a few days.

Scandals usually are.

That's true, dear.

Rich, I know it's
not your birthday.

Autographed and framed for you.

Oh, that's... that's nice, Fonz,

but I think I've been
framed enough this week.

I'll get it.

All right, everybody.

Hold onto your hats.

I've got an
announcement to make.

Richie won.

I couldn't wait, Malph.

I won?

- I won.
- I knew it!

Rich, it wasn't even close.

Congratulations.

All right, well, you see that?

The sophomore class is
interested in vital issues.

Yeah, yeah, they want
massage parlors on campus.

You mean I... I won

because I was
dressed in a sheet?

Oh, my brother a sex object.

What difference does
it make how you won?

Now you can make the
student government a better one.

That's the important
thing, Richard.

Hey, congrats, Mr. Prez.

- Mr. Prez?
- That's right.

- I won.
- Mm-hmm.

"Morning, Mr. President."

"How are you today,
Mr. President?"

"Shine your shoes,
Mr. President?"

Richard!

Thank you. Thanks very much.

Oh. Yeah.

The president
cordially invites you

to, uh, go to Arnold's
with him and have sodas.

And the sodas are
on the president!

Oh.

All right.

Good. I'll give you
Baltic for Boardwalk.

- No, no, uh-uh.
- Come on, Richard.

I'll tell you one thing,

when you got a
Cunningham in power,

you get action... real action.

Now, Richard, did you
repaint the parking lines, dear?

Well, not yet, but I sent a
letter to the board of regents

that outlines every
one of my 22 points.

Oh, condensed, of course.

Well, I'm very proud
of you, Richard,

especially the way
you followed up

on your campaign promises.

You may go down in history.

Move that for me, will you?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you just went to jail, Dad.

Thanks.

Hello.

Yes.

Yes, he is. Just
a moment, please.

- Richard.
- Huh?

It's one of the members
of the board of regents.

He'd like to talk to you.

- The board of regents?
- Mm-hmm.

- Calling me at home, huh?
- Yeah.

Probably wants to talk
about some of the issues.

Probably.

Hello. Sophomore Class
President Cunningham here, sir.

Yes, sir.

Uh-huh.

Well...

It's up one flight.

Ask for Edie.

Ye... uh... yes, sir.

Yeah, sure.

You can, uh, tell
her Richie sent you.

Thank you.

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪