02x13 - Christmas Shoplifting

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Punky Brewster". Aired: September 16, 1984 to March 1986.*
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Follows Punky and her dog, Brandon who have been abandoned by her parents.
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02x13 - Christmas Shoplifting

Post by bunniefuu »

[theme song]

♪ Maybe the world is blind

♪ Or just a little unkind

♪ Don't know

♪ Seems you can't be sure

♪ Of anything anymore

♪ Although

♪ You may be lonely and then

♪ One day you're smiling again

♪ Every time I turn around

♪ I see the girl
that turns my world around ♪

♪ Standing there

♪ Every time I turn around

♪ Her spirit's lifting me

♪ Right off the ground

♪ What's gonna be?

♪ Guess we'll just wait

♪ And see ♪

[instrumental music]

We've got enough decorations
to trim the Black Forest.

What are you doing?

I'm going over
my Christmas gift list.

Henry: Oh.

Punky, how many people
have you got in this list?

I cut it down to .

Let me see.

"Henry, Cherie, Mrs. Johnson,
Brandon, Mike,

Ed Gillespie."

Who is Ed Gillespie?

- He's the garbage man.
- Oh.

And "Mel Cooperberg?"

He's good friends
with Al Dishman.

Al Dishman?

Ralph Dishman's brother.

Who's Ralph Dishman?

He's the butcher
at the market.

You know, the nice guy.

Has the hair growing
out of his ears.

Oh. That's Ralph Dishman?

Punky, how do you know
all these people?

They're all my friends.

Hmph.

I've been going to that market
for years,

and I don't know the checker
from the box-boy.

That would be Madge and Larry.

Punky, what presents do you plan
for all these people?

Well, I had my eye

on this three-story dollhouse
for Cherie.

And Mrs. Johnson
could use a mink coat.

I'd like to get something
kind of sporty for Mike.

You know, like a new Porsche.

Well, so far you're talking
$ , .

And you haven't even got
to Ralph Dishman.

How much money
do you have to spend?

Three dollars
and twenty-six cents.

I guess I'm a little short.

You know, Punky,
when it comes to giving gifts

it's the thought that counts.

And you're gonna have to come up
with some cheaper thoughts.

I'll tell you what.

I'll give you five dollars each

to buy presents for Mike,
Cherie, Mrs. Johnson,

Brandon and me.

And to the rest of the people
you can send Christmas cards.

Thanks, Henry.
[Henry chuckles]

You're welcome.

For five dollars,

I can go buy Brandon
a personalized doggie dish.

Good idea.

And, uh... what do you want
for Christmas?

It doesn't matter.

Whatever you get,
I shall treasure.

That's what
you said last year,

when I got you that tie
that glows in the dark.

That's a lovely tie

and I shall always treasure it.

Then why don't you ever
take it out of your closet?

Because that's where it
glows the best.

Henry, this year,
I'd like to get you something

that you'll treasure less
and use more.

Aw, Punky, that's sweet.

But remember to stay
in your budget.

No problem.

With five whole dollars

I bet I'll be able to
get you something

that glows in the light.

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

[PA system dings]

Man over PA:
Attention, shoppers.

Midtown Mall's holiday sidewalk
sale is now in progress.

Today's Christmas special
at Knick-Knack World,

buy two Wise Men,
get one free.

Hustle it, Henry.

We got a date
with some Wise Men.

Alright.

Hey, you girls,
stay with the toys.

We'll be at Knick-Knack World.

Okay, Henry.

Oh, Punky, look at this.

Comrade Natasha.

Baby doll from Russia.

"Natasha comes complete
with two outfits,

a red leotard
for international gymnastics

competition...

and a trench coat when
she defects to your house."

Wow.

I sure would love this.

Hint, hint, hint.

Cherie, you'd better
"Hint, hint, hint" your grandma.

I already spent all the money
Henry gave me.

On what?

Well...

I got these expensive earrings
for your grandma.

They're great.

Won't they look perfect
with her nurse's uniform?

Yeah. What else
did you buy?

Well, I got this belt
for Mike.

Cost a fortune.

It had his name
written all over it.

He'll love it.

Now, I've only got a few dollars
left for Henry.

I promised I'd get him
something that he wants.

Now, I can't even get him
something he doesn't want.

[PA system dings]

Man over PA:
Attention, mothers.

Santa Claus has requested
that overweight children

refrain from sitting on his lap.

If your child weighs
over pounds

please have him
write Santa a letter.

[laughs]

Huh.

Oh, that was certainly
a waste of time.

What a rip-off.

The three Wise Men
looked more like

three stooges.

Especially Curly.

We should've known better.

The special sales
are merely come-ons.

You said it.
I'll never fall for that again.

Man over PA:
Attention, shoppers.

As a holiday incentive,
Gray-Kirk Jewelers

is offering a free
mother of pearl pin

to its next ten customers.

Maybe Henry would like
this Mr. T wig.

[chuckles]

It's only $ . .

Cherie, I wanna get him
something special,

not something unspecial.

Hey, girls.

- Hi, Richmond.
- Hi, Richmond.

Richmond, do you know
where I could find

the greatest gift
in the whole world

for under three dollars?

Three bucks?
Punky, you're a cheapskate.

Check out what I got my mom.

Oh!

Genuine leather.

Fifty bucks!

Wow! It's beautiful.

Where did you get the money?

Money's no problem when you shop
with the Matzie Method.

[chuckles]

"Matzie Method?"

Let me give you
a little demonstration.

Gee, I bet my
little brother would

really love
this model airplane.

See how easy it is?

Richmond, the Matzie Method
is stealing.

- Yeah, you're a shoplifter!
- Shh.

Yeah.

It's just one little airplane.

And besides, shoplifting
isn't really stealing.

It isn't?

No. Stores like it
when you rip 'em off.

They make a lot of money
from their insurance companies.

Still doesn't sound right to me.

Unh-unh.

Alright. You shop your way,
I'll shop mine.

I'd better go.

I still have a few more things
to pick up.

♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly ♪

♪ La la la la-la
la la la la ♪

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly

Check you later, Cherie.

What do you think of this
cashmere scarf? Hmm.

Oh! Now that's handsome.

It brings out the blue
in your eyes.

Yes, it does,
doesn't it? Hmm.

You know cashmere always

makes me feel
like a million dollars.

Then why don't you buy it?

Because it costs that much.

I swear, if air wasn't free

you'd buy it by the lungful.

Why don't you loosen up
and treat yourself for once?

[sighs]

I have always wanted
a scarf like this.

No, I'm saving my money

for a special present for Punky.

I know what you mean.

The kids always come first.

Come on, let's go
and find the girls.

[instrumental music]

Punky!

[screams]

Mike, what are you
doing here?

I'm shopping.

Thank goodness.

You okay, Punky?

Uh, me?

Ne-- never better.

Why? Do I look guilty
or something?

- Hello, Mike.
- Hi, Henry.

There you are, Punky.
We have to leave right away.

Our three hours of free parking
almost up.

Uh, where's Cherie?

She's waiting in the car
with Mrs. Johnson.

Mike, can I give you
a lift home?

Uh, n-- no, I have
some more shopping to do.

- Well, good luck.
- Oh, thanks, Henry.

Oh, wait.

[PA system dings]

Man over PA:
Attention, shoppers.

Special year end clearance
at Video Boutique.

Hurry now for our bargain
videotape of the month,

"The Nell Carter Workout."

Definitely not you.

Unh-unh.
Don't like that.

Get one of these sharp scarfs.

Save your money, Fulton.

[instrumental music]

Mike: Hey, wait a second,
what are you doin'?

Mike: Hey, I didn't steal
anything.

Mike: Wait a second.
What're you doin'?

You can't do this to me.
Hey, hey.

Look, l-- look.
Hey, wait a second.

[instrumental music]

You can't do this to me.

Look, I'm-- I'm a
law abiding citizen.

- This is a mistake.
- That's right, buddy.

And you made it.

But it wasn't my shopping bag.

Then why did the bag

have a belt in it
with your name on it?

Because Mike is the most
popular name in the country.

Really? I'll have to remember
that if I'm ever on "Jeopardy."

[sighs]

Hello, son.

Come over and tell Santa
what you're in for.

No, thanks, I'll stand.

They said I stole a scarf.

Why would they wanna
say a thing like that?

Because it was in the shopping
bag that I was carrying.

- And you didn't put it there?
- No!

Oh, ho, ho, ho!

Shut up, fatso.

Sorry, Lou.
Let's keep it down.

What's he in for?

You don't wanna know.

And what about you, Santa?
What did you do?

Breaking and entering.

- In a Santa suit?
- Sure, in a Santa suit.

You know, Christmas
is the one time a year

that people expect a guy like me
to come into their homes.

They even leave sandwiches
and cookies.

Then there's that wonderful
element of surprise.

- Surprise?
- Yeah.

Normally, I know
what I'm stealing.

But during the holidays,
I don't know what I got


till I get home,
and I unwrap my presents

and empty my stockings.

I love Christmas.

You ought to be ashamed
of yourself.

Stealing people's gifts.

Look who's talking,
Mr. Shop Now Pay Never.

No fair peeking, Brandon.

You've gotta wait
till Christmas.

Punky, is something wrong?

You were very quiet
all the way home.

I guess I'm just tired
from all the shopping.

Tell me, what did you get
for Mrs. Johnson?

I got her...

A box of cigars?

Cigars?
I thought she quit.

I didn't buy any cigars.

Or any of these other stuff.

Hold on, maybe we got
the wrong bags.

No, this is mine.

Oh, no.

[telephone rings]

I wonder who got my bag.

Warnimont residence,
Henry speaking.

Mike.

You're where?

What happened?

Of course, it's a mistake.

Don't worry, we'll be
right down there.

What's the matter?

Mike's in jail.

"Jail?"

He got arrested
for shoplifting.

Shoplifting?

The store claims he stole
a cashmere scarf.

- Mike didn't steal that scarf.
- Of course, he didn't.

There's gotta be
a terrible mix-up.

But don't worry, we'll get
to the bottom of this.

We will?

Come on, Punky,
we're going to jail.

Goodbye, Brandon.

See you in years.

[barks]

[instrumental music]

Does that mean that
you've been in here days?

No, that means
there only more

stealing days till Christmas.

I wonder what's taking Henry
so long.

Oh, you're lucky.

You got a friend to spring you.

I got no one.

Not even an elf.

- Hey, Fulton.
- Yeah.

You got a visitor.

Punky!

Hey, Mike.

Where's Henry?

He's getting you bailed.

But I've gotta tell you
something first.

Santa, what are you doing here?

About five to ten.

Don't pay any attention to him.

He's not the real Santa Claus.

Now, what is it that
you wanted to tell me?

I've got a confession to make.

It's my fault you're in jail.

I wanted to get Henry
a special present.

But then,
I ran out of money.

Then I saw
that beautiful scarf,

and I knew it was something
Henry always wanted.

So I just put it
in my bag and...

and then my bag
became your bag...

and your bag became my bag...

and I left you
holding the bag.

Punky...
you stole that scarf?

- Yes.
- And I'm taking a rap for it?

Yes.

Just calm down.

- Just calm down.
- Okay.

I was talking to myself.

But, Punky, I'm surprised
that you...

I can't believe
that you would steal.

Well, it wasn't really stealing.

It was shoplifting.

I don't get the difference.

I heard that stores
get a lot of

insurance money
from shoplifting.

So, I thought
I'd help them out.

[chuckles]

Punky, that's not the way
it works.

Shoplifting hurts stores.

And to make up for it,

they have to charge
higher prices.

- They do?
- Yes.

And I'm payin' a high price
for it too.

Getting arrested
could cost me my job.

[sighs]

Oh, Mike, I'm really sorry.

Guess, I knew all along
taking the scarf was wrong,

and I could get myself
into trouble,

but I never knew that could
get you into trouble.

That's the problem with doin'
something bad.

You don't know
who you're gonna hurt.

Mike, I'm gonna go
tell the police

what really happened.

I can't let you lose your job.

You're too good a teacher.

Thanks.

[instrumental music]

Punky: I'm sorry, Henry.

Henry: This time,
sorry is not enough.

Punky: I'm really sorry, Henry.

Henry: Not another word.

Henry: You stay in this room
and come out

only for call of nature
or call of Henry.

Mike, I'm so sorry you had to
go through that ordeal.

Well, I have had
better Saturdays.

You should never have been
in jail in the first place.

Well, it's over now.
Punky explained everything.

And the charges against me
have been dropped.

Well, it's not the infamy.

My job as a parent is to teach
her right from wrong.

Obviously I haven't done
a very good job.

Oh, don't come down
on yourself, Henry.

You're a wonderful parent.

Wonderful parents don't raise
scarf-stealers.

Henry, didn't you ever
steal anything

when you were a little boy?

Never.

Well, once.

When I was seven.

What happened?

My Uncle Hiram came to visit.

He always had candy
in his pockets.

And he gave one piece
to each of us kids.

Well, one piece
wasn't enough for me.

No, sir, I had to be
Henry the hog.

So I stole
an extra cherry gumball.

[barks]

Is that it?

I felt guilty
about that gumball ever since.

I'm convinced that's why
Uncle Hiram

cut me out of his will.

There. You see? You stole once
and you felt terrible.

So does Punky.

You never stole again
and I'm sure Punky won't either.

- I hope you're right.
- I know I'm right.

Now, have you decided
on a punishment yet?

She'll have no television
for two weeks.

- Well, that's fair.
- Will be grounded for a month.

The store owner and I have
devised one more way

of driving the point home.

[instrumental music]

Excuse me, miss,
is my package ready yet?

Yes, sir.

- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

[PA system dings]

Man on PA:
Attention, shoppers.

As a special Christmas treat,
Mr. Men's Man shop

is offering free gift wrapping
to every mall patron.

Come one, come all.

Oh.

[indistinct chatter]

Let's do this one by one.

[theme music]
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