03x01 - Reading, Writing and Rock & Roll

[bunniefuu]

[theme song]

♪ Maybe the world is blind

♪ Or just a little unkind

♪ Don't know

♪ Seems you can't be sure

♪ Of anything anymore

♪ Although

♪ You may be lonely

♪ And then one day
you're smilin' again ♪

♪ Every time

♪ I turn around

♪ I see the girl
who turns my world around ♪

♪ Standing there

♪ Every time I turn around

♪ Her spirit's lifting me
right off the ground ♪

♪ What's gonna be?

♪ Guess we'll just wait

♪ And see ♪

[music on stereo]

♪ Lately you've been
running away from me ♪

♪ Don't you think
you're acting too tough? ♪

♪ I don't want to put it off
another day ♪

♪ Do you think ♪

[stereo turns off]

Did you forget to take
the hanger out of your shirt?

Cool, isn't it?

I bought it for the DeBarge
concert tomorrow night.

You shouldn't go to a concert

where you need
that kind of protection.

Henry, it's a fashion statement.
I read in the "Rock Report."

Randy and Marty DeBarge
love the Joan Crawford look.

[chuckles]

It's more like
the Chicago Bears' look.

Here's a story I missed.

"Chico DeBarge's
favorite vegetable."

Oh, my gosh! He loves corn, too!

Oh!

[doorbell rings]

Oh. We got 'em. We got 'em!

Excuse her.

My first set of shoulder pads
left me giddy, too.

[all screaming]

Girls, I can't imagine

Betty letting you buy
such outfits.

Hi, Henry.

Oh, I see the rest
of the defensive line is here.

Wow!

How could everybody in the same
family be so gorgeous?

That's the way it is
in my family.

You know, we should have
a poster done.

Get real, Margaux.

Come on, let's go buy
some more of these.

Yeah!

Not so fast, Cherie.

You've got homework.

What about your book report?

I finished it last night.

I finished mine the day
the assignment was given.

My mother's secretary typed it.

Is yours finished, Punky?

Yeah, it's being typed, too.

I mean, it will be
as soon as I type it.

[Henry chuckling]

Tea, Betty?

Awesome, Jack.

Punky, I hope you realize

there'll be no DeBarge concert

until I've read
your book report.

Sure. No problem.

Big problem.

What's wrong?

Henry wants to read
my book report.

So how bad could it be?

I don't know
how bad it could be.

I haven't written it yet.

Why not?

'Cause I haven't read a book.

Well, I hope
you're a speed reader.

Why go through the trouble
of reading?

There's a much easier way.

What do you mean?

This is a job for Spud Blugner.

[instrumental music]

[grunting]

Punky!

Hi, Spud.

We'll talk later.
Help me in quick.

I can't stand heights.

What took you so long?

Hey, I came as fast as I could.

Book report time
is my busiest season.

Except for finals.

What have you got for me?

A gold mine.

" Plot Outlines
Of Famous Novels."

[chuckles]
That baby will supply you

with book reports
clear through college.

Wow!

Yeah. You may never have
to read again!

- Great! How much?
- Twenty bucks.

What? That's highway robbery!

Hey, I have business expenses.

Half of everything I make goes
to my dad to keep him quiet.

- I'll give you five dollars.
- Nope.

Better change your name
to Flunky Brewster.

Bye.

Wait, Spud. Isn't there some way
I could change your mind?

I never change my mind.

[groans]

What was that?

[groaning]
The sound of my mind changing.

You're gonna
help me back inside?

Okay, but first,
how much for the book?

[grunting]
Fifteen bucks.

That price is firm.
[grunts]

Firm?

Did I say firm?

I meant five.

It's yours for five bucks.

I'll give you one dollar.

One dollar? Forget it!

[grunting]

It's a deal. Help me!

[music on stereo]

♪ My baby's into the rhythm

♪ She says she can't do
without it ♪

♪ All that she does
is to the b*at ♪

♪ And upstairs
the radio's playin' ♪

♪ I cannot hear
what she's saying ♪

♪ Over the sound
of slightly innocent feet ♪

♪ So I take her by the hand

♪ Then I lead her
to the floor ♪♪

[stereo turns off]

I told you there'd be
no DeBarge concert

till I read your book report.

I know.

You did finish it, didn't you?

Yeah, sure. Ages ago.

Ah.

Which of the great childhood
classics did you choose?

"Little Women?"

"Tom Sawyer?"

"w*r And Peace?"

Interesting choice.

What did you think of it?

Loved w*r, hated peace.

Punky,

did you really write
this book report?

Yeah. You see, all the Is
are dotted with happy faces.

"Tolstoy's brooding images
magnificently portray

the epic struggle
of five families' resistance

to the Napoleonic invasion
of Russia."

Good stuff, huh?

Punky, you did not actually read
"w*r And Peace."

This report is plagiarized.

No, it isn't. I copied it.

Why didn't you just read a book?

'Cause reading books is boring.

No, it's not.
It's an adventure.

Every good book
takes you into its own world.

If I want to see the world,
I'll join the navy.

You read all these magazines.

Why can't you read
good literature?

Because good literature
takes too long.

I can read five magazines
and watch "Divorce Court"

at the same time.

Punky, you can forget
the DeBarge concert.

No!

Not only did you not complete
your assignment,

but you were about to cheat.

I'm sorry, Henry. Honest.

If I miss this concert,
I'll just die!

Not before you write
a real book report, you won't.

Please, Henry. I am begging you.

You see, this is begging.

You will go to your room
and read.

And I have just the book
for you. "Tom Sawyer."

Please, Henry.
Please, Henry. Please, Henry.

Get off, Punky.

Henry, I've been looking forward
to this concert since birth!

I'm sorry,
but this is for your own good.

Someday you'll understand.

No, I won't.

And you know what else?

I will never forgive you
as long as I live.

[sniffles]

[dramatic music]

[crowd cheering]

[instrumental music]

[crowd cheering]

Alright.
That's as far as they go.

[sighs]
Hold on, let me see.

Bobby, Marty, Randy, Chico.
James!

James!

[crowd cheering]

Like-- like feeding time
at the zoo.

Wow, James. What a mess.

Alright, fellas. It's all over.
Tonight we can all relax.

[knocking on door]

Sorry.
The boys are gettin' a massage.

Henry: But I'm supposed
to interview them.

Interview?
I don't remember an interview.

Hey, I don't wanna pass up
the publicity, though.

Let's see.

[crowd cheering]

Hey, man.

I'm Henry the hipster,
and I love rock 'n' roll.

It is now p.m.

Do you know
where your parents are?

So...

you, uh,
you're Henry the hipster?

In the skin.

Didn't you groove on my column
in "Rock Report?"

Here's my ID.

Oh, it looked like
a Medicare card to me.

Are you sure you have
an interview scheduled today?

Right off.

You mean, right on?

Whatever blows your hair back.

Right. That's done it.

Time to hit the road, pops.
Come on, let's go.

[Henry chuckles]
Bag those vibes, Jack.

I'm here to cop a k*ller
interview, somethin' insane.

You awesome dudes
are really rad,

so I'm not gonna be
raggin' your chain.

Just fill my dance card
and I'll just chill out.

[chuckles]
What did he say?

I don't know,
but I'd give it a forty.

No b*at and hard to dance to.

[laughing]

I'll have you know, I've seen
"Pretty In Pink" eight times.

Uh, look,
I don't know what your game is,

but as of right now,
it's been cancelled.

Now, uh, you can chill out,

like, uh,
out the front door, huh?

Alright,
I'll tell you the truth.

I'm not really
from a rock magazine.

All: No!

I'm just a square parent
with a problem.

My daughter
absolutely idolizes you.

She wanted to come to the
concert, but I wouldn't let her

because she didn't do
her book report.

That's cold.

I had to do something.

I can't get her to read a book.

Have you tried glasses?

[laughing]

- Oh, ho.
- She thinks reading is boring.

Now, I think
you're all terrific performers,

but I also think that you have
a certain responsibility

to kids as role models.

Right, look. Can you spare us
the guilt and get to the point?

The point is that my daughter
is under the impression

that rock and roll and reading
don't mix.

Hey, tell your daughter,

Chico and DeBarge

said to hit the books, pronto.

It would mean so much more

if you told her.

Her name is Punky.

And here's our address.

I know, this sounds
a little pushy, right?

DeBarge: Right.

Look, look, look, Mr. Hipster,

the guys are in the middle
of a tour.

I mean, we've hardly got time
enough to breathe, right?

DeBarge: Right.

Oh. I guess it was a crazy idea,
right?

DeBarge: Right.

Well...

thank you, anyway.

Right.

[crowd cheering]

[instrumental music]

"Tom Sawyer."

I bet Henry put you up to this.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah. Page one.

Maybe if I skip ahead
a little...

[doorbell rings]

Hi. You must be Punky.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I knew I was dreaming.

- Hey.
All: We're DeBarges.

Uh...

- Is she okay?
- Huh.

No. I need mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation.

Marty, Bobby, James,
Chico, Randy!

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- Chico.
- Nice to meet you, too.

[sighs]
If I'm dreaming,

please don't let me wake up.

You're not dreaming, Punky.

How do you know my name?

We got it from your dad,
Henry the Hipster.

Henry the Hipster?

Yeah, he broke in on us
last night,

all upset
about you not wanting to read.

And we can't have that.

You mean, the whole
DeBarge family came here

just to get me to read?

That's right, babe.
Reading's important.

And we all came here
to tell you that.

Yeah, 'cause we're role models.

And reading's cool. Be cool.

I am.
I'm reading a book right now.

"Tom Sawyer?" Good book.

Hey, isn't that the one
with the fence?

And Becky Thatcher?

And Injun Joe?

And Henry the Hipster?

[chuckles]
This is great!

Oh.
[chuckles]

- You guys came, after all. Oh.
- Yes.

[chuckles]

Ah.
[chuckles]

Guys, this is Betty.

Betty,
this is Chico and DeBarge.

- Hi, Betty.
- Hi, Betty.

She'll be alright.
She's a nurse.

Henry, why didn't you tell me
reading was cool?

I guess I couldn't find
the right words.

You know, Punky,
your dad was all upset

that you couldn't make it
to the concert last night.

- That makes two of us.
- Tsk.

No problem. We deliver.

May I help you
to your front-row seat?

Yeah.

[instrumental music]

♪ There is much too know

♪ I don't think I wanna go

♪ I'd rather stand up high

♪ Uh-huh

♪ Upon this mountaintop

♪ And my soul cries out

♪ In the middle of the night

♪ And my soul cries out

♪ And nobody understands

♪ You're a big boy

♪ You're a big boy now

♪ You're a big boy

♪ You're a big boy now

♪ You're a big boy

♪ You're a big boy now

♪ You're a big boy

♪ You're a big boy now

♪ I'm grown enough
to understand ♪

♪ To stay away
from what's not right ♪

♪ I'm stronger
than I was before ♪

♪ I realize
that life's much more ♪♪

[applauding]

[barking]

[Punky cheering]

[Brandon barking]

Why would Punky cheer
for a record?

Poor thing's gone
from depression to insanity.

Come on, she really needs us.

[Margaux and Cherie gasping]

[cheering]

[instrumental music]

How nice.

- Friends of yours?
- Yeah.

They were just
in the neighborhood.

[cheering]

♪ Now I'm all alone

♪ Because you told me

♪ That you're unhappy

♪ I know it's wrong

♪ My expectations

♪ Of your intention

♪ I'll draw this line

♪ And hurt for no one

♪ Whoever leaves me

♪ I care so much

♪ So please
if you'll excuse me ♪

♪ I gotta sing it
one more time ♪

♪ I care a lot

♪ So I pray to God

♪ Hope and pray

♪ Love just
surely comes my way ♪

♪ If it does say to you

♪ I will step across that line

♪ Pray to God hope and pray

♪ Love just
surely comes my way ♪

♪ If it does say to you

♪ I will step across that line

♪ I know that you can't stay

♪ So this time

♪ I won't ask
for dedication no ♪

♪ I'll stay behind this line

♪ Until

♪ Love is kind

♪ My friends they say to me

♪ Face reality

♪ But whose reality

♪ Am I gonna face?

♪ Is it yours?

♪ No-o yeah

♪ Pray to God hope and pray

♪ Love just
surely comes my way ♪

♪ If it does say to you

♪ I will step across that line

♪ Pray to God hope and pray

♪ Love just
surely comes my way ♪

♪ If it does say to you

♪ I will step across that line

♪ Don't ask why I'm all alone

♪ Why my eyes are so red

♪ Why my hopes of love
are dead ♪

♪ If it's good

♪ Or if it's bad

♪ Girl girl ♪

[all cheering]

[Brandon barking]