05x08 - Fonzie, Rock Entrepreneur: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes,
my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Share them with me I
- S Oh, baby a'

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling
all week long ♪

(organ solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Happy and free I
- S Oh, baby a'

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Happy Days is filmed
before a studio audience.

RICHIE, POTSIE & RALPH: ♪ John
Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt ♪

♪ His name is my name, too ♪

♪ Bumba-dum ♪

- ♪ Whenever you go out ♪
- Kids.

♪ You can hear
the people shout ♪

♪ "There goes John Jacob
Jingleheimer Schmidt" ♪

♪ Da, da-da, da-da, da-da, da. ♪

- Ha.
- Hey.

One more time!

♪ John Jacob Jingle... ♪

Potsie, five times is enough.

Guys, remember Pinky Tuscadero?

Oh, boy, do we.

Sure, it's hard to forget
a girl dressed in pink with a...

-(imitates motorcycle revving)
- Listen, listen, listen, listen.

I just met her sister
Leather outside.

She just got into town.

Leather...

(braying laugh)

What's she like?

Well, she seems really cool.

She's about ,
she has brown hair, and she's...

Over here, Leather.

Oh, there she is now.

RICHIE:
Oh, hey, she is cool.

Hubba, hubba, hubba.

Hi, Joanie. What's shaking?

- Pow.
-(Joanie laughs)

Well, Joanie, aren't you going
to introduce us?

Oh, sure.
Leather, this is Ralph Malph.

Pow.

Charmed.

And, uh, this is Potsie Weber.

Pow.

Likewise, I'm sure.

And this is my brother Richie.

Pow. (laughs)

Howdy, pard.

- What you doing in these parts?
- Cute.

Oh, thank you.

- No, seriously, um...
-(Potsie laughs)

...what are you doing in town?

Well, we're looking for a job.

I mean, when I was at school,
I got together

with a couple of friends
of mine,

and we formed a band,
Leather and the Suedes.

Leather and the Suedes.

Very catchy.

So you're looking
for work, huh?

No sweat, no sweat.

Old Ralphie here will get you
a job right at Arnold's.

They can play at Friday night's
Freshmen Come to Arnold's Fest.

(Richie laughs)

Uh, excuse me, Leather.

(imitates g*nsh*t)

(Richie chuckles)

(imitates rapid sh**ting)

See, Old... Old Ralphie
here is joshing.

- I am? -Yeah, he's joshing,
'cause he knows

that, uh, Arnold has
a perfectly good in-house band

that really needs the money.

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh...

Well, maybe
we could work something out.

Work something out?

(snickering)

Look, Leather, uh,
our band could back you up.

You know, I can doo-wop.

♪ Doo-wop, doo-wop... ♪

Thanks, Joanie, but I can barely
afford the ones I have.

Oh, all right,
I'll see you later.

What if I just do
the "doos" for half price?

♪ Doo, doo-doo,
doo-doo, do... ♪

Not bad, but, um...

Hey, I'm better
in front of a live audience.

♪ Doo, wop-Wop,
wah, doo Wop... ♪

Bertie, Gertie,
I'll be with you in a minute.

BOTH:
Bertie and Gertie!

Oh, uh, those are
your doo-wop girls?

Yeah.

Oh, would you like to sit down?

- I'll buy you a malt.
- All right.

(Potsie chuckles)

Pots, what do you think?

- Bertie and Gertie?
- Yeah.

- I love rhyming girls.
- Yeah.

I'm ready for action, Pots.

I've got my ventriloquist dummy
in the car.

Hey, Malph, was that really
a dummy in your car?

Yeah. Why'?

I thought it was a kid.

With a hinged jaw and a top hat?

But it looked so real.

I'm telling you, Mrs. C.,
this is fabamundo.

My favorite, you know?

Veggie cacciatore.
(whoops)

- Hi, g*ng.
- Hey, Rich.

Oh, Richard...
you're late.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Oh, Howard,
put that back, dear.

- Richard's here now.
- Oh.

Oh, thanks.

Fonz, guess who I met down
at Arnold's today?

The Fonz does not play
guessing games while chewing.

You remember Pinky Tuscadero?

You know, dressed
in the pink with the...

(imitates motorcycle revving)

Well, I just
met her kid sister, Leather.

A bum.

Leather Tuscadero is worse
than a bum.

A thief.

ALL:
A thief?!

Correctamundo.

Three years ago,
she glommed my wallet.

ALL:
Glommed?!

Not only
did she take my wallet--

worse-- she lifted my comb.

And she's still around
to talk about it?

The Fonz is merciful.

Look, all I know is,

the girl I met at Arnold's
was very, very nice.

Oh, yeah, nice, nice.

Did Miss Nice tell you she was
just sprung from reform school?

RICHIE:
But she seems so sincere now.

You know, she-she's getting
a-a rock group together.

Are those instruments stolen
or rented, huh?

RICHIE:
Oh.

Look, I heard a demo record,
and she's very good.

She is.

As a matter of fact, Fonz,
she's, uh...

she's so terrific, that...

(chuckles)

Well, I was sort
of thinking that...

maybe you could talk to Al,
and-and...

get her a job at Arnold's?

(insincere laughter)

Forget it.

Fonz, listen to me.

She got into trouble,
she paid her debt,

now all she wants
is a fresh start.

Fonzie, a very brilliant man,
Alexander Pope,

once said that "to err is human,
to forgive is divine."

It's easy for him to say.

He probably never had his wallet
glommed. Well, I did.

Mrs. C., I am filled with thanks
for this dinner.

Well, I'm saying
what Punchy Pilate said:

"I wash my hands
of the whole thing."

Whoa!

All right, that's it.

I'm going
to get them an audition myself.

I'm going
to Arnold's tomorrow morning.

I'm just going to talk to Al.

RICHIE:
Picture this, AI.

The place is packed.

An announcer's voice
comes on and says,

"AI Delvecchio presents,

Leather and the Suedes!"

There's a drum roll.

(imitates a drum roll)

A spotlight!
(whooshes)

And there, on stage,

three girls dressed
in tight leather outfits.

The crowd goes wild!

(imitates crowd roaring)

Tight leather outfits?

Oh, not too tight.

Oh, good.

It's not me.
It's my brother, the priest.

Yeah, I understand, yeah.

But, Rich,
where did these girls come from?

Where have they ever
played before?

Where have they played?

That's a fair question.

Uh... they, uh...

kind... they kind
of played for the state.

-(Richie clears his throat)
- State?

- Yeah. -The Governor's Ball,
the State Fair!

Well... well, no, not exactly.

They, uh...
(clears throat)

Th-They played at reform school.

- Aw, that's nice.
- Yeah.

Reform schools.

You know, we can't do enough
to help these kids go straight.

That's true. That's...

Al, I-l got to level with you.

The girls, they...

they made a mistake,
they... they got caught,

and they were living at
the reform school at the time.

Oh, no... No ex-reform schools
girl play at my place!

Al!

- No. Uh-uh.
- Al...

Look, if-if you don't
hire these girls...

you're not going
to be able to sleep nights.

I always sleep nights.
I'm a bachelor.

There's nothing else to do.

- Oh, Al, come on.
-(Al mutters)

- No. -You know something?
Just moments ago,

a great American said,

"Oh, poor kids.

Can't do enough to help 'em."

You want to know something?

Right now, I'm ashamed
of that American!

Rich...

Richie... (chuckles)

It's me, the American.

The least you can do
is-is hear 'em play.

All right, I'll hear 'em play.

It's my first audition.

Oh, thanks, Al.
All right, all right,

I'm going to have 'em here
tomorrow morning.

You're gonna love 'em, Al.

Hey, listen, you're
a great guy-- no, wait--

you are a great American!

A great American.

Alfredo Delvecchio.

RICHIE:
Hey, Fonz.

Glad you could make it
for Leather's audition.

She better be good.

(Snaps fingers)

He's so glad to see me.

You better get ready.

How's Pinky?

She's cool.

So you got sprung, huh?

I did my time.

What's this music con
you're into?

It ain't no con.

Ah, why bother?

You won't listen.

Hey, I got ears. Try me.

Listen, Fonz,
things are different now.

I used to steal 'cause
that was all I knew how to do.

While I was in reform school,
I learned how to sing,

so I don't have
to steal anymore.

This is what I do now.

Well, let's listen
to this great talent

that's put you
on the road to righteousness.

You got it.

Well, three girls,
tight outfits, great start.

Yeah, they might even
be able to sing.

(Potsie chuckles)

A joke, a joke.

I Still got it.

(guitar plays slow rock ballad)

♪ Now I'm done ♪

♪ Playing the fool ♪

♪ And I've paid ♪

♪ All my childhood dues ♪

♪ I find the mountain ♪

♪ Much steeper to climb ♪

♪ Am I just one ♪

♪ One of the crowd? ♪

(band joins in)

- ♪ I decided ♪
- ♪ Ooh... ♪

- ♪ A few days ago ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪

- ♪ There's no room ♪
- ♪ Ooh... ♪

- ♪ Room for me in this show ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪

- ♪ I changed my makeup ♪
- ♪ Ooh... ♪

- ♪ Completely this time ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Now I'm not one ♪

♪ One of the crowd ♪

♪ Oh, good-bye ♪

X Ah, dah-dah r

♪ Good-bye, blind eyes ♪

♪ Da, dah-dah I

- ♪ I'm gonna find me ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Find me a cat's eye ♪

♪ Oh, good-bye ♪

♪ Da, dah-dah I

♪ Good-bye, blind eyes ♪

♪ Da, dah-dah I

♪ I know ♪

♪ What I want to be ♪

Take it away, Richie.

(saxophone wailing)

I '

- ♪ Good-bye ♪
- ♪ Da, dah-dah ♪

♪ Good-bye, blind eyes ♪

♪ Da, dah-dah I

♪ I'm gonna find me ♪

(saxophone wails)

♪ A cat's eye ♪

IOhl

- ♪ Good-bye ♪
- ♪ Da, dah-dah ♪

♪ Good-bye, blind eyes ♪

♪ Da, dah-dah I

♪ Well, I know ♪

♪ What I want to be ♪

(plays bluesy riff)

(plays ascending notes
on guitar)

- ♪ I know what I want to be. ♪
- ♪ Ooh. ♪

(applause)

POTSIE:
Great! Great!

- G reat!
- Huh?

Great.

All right, Al?

Al, what do you say, huh?

Bravissimo! They're great!

They get the job
starting tonight.

(cheering)

LEATHER: All right, girls.
That's enough. Now get going.

- Go get your costumes.
- Okay.

Wait a minute, girls,

we'll give you a ride
in the car.

- All right.
- Yeah, great.

Can I sit next to the kid
with the top hat?

Sure.

She's yours, Potsie.

Huh? Well, now,
what did I tell you?

Fonz, I-isn't she good?
What do you say?

Don't you get yourself excited.

Just 'cause she's doing music
don't mean she went straight.

I heard Al Capone was an
accomplished harmonica player.

Hey, Al, Al, did you hire
the girls yet?

Yeah, they're great.

Oh, boy, are you in trouble.

Trouble? Now wait a minute,
I got nothing in writing.

No, no, don't panic, Al.

Wh-What's the trouble?

Well, I heard through
the grapevine that Officer Kirk

is gonna close down Al's place
if he hires any, uh, ex-cons.

All right, that's it.

Forget it.

I knew it.

Let's just forget
the whole thing.

Yeah, that-that's a good idea.

We should just forget it.

Hold it.
Time out here. Hold it.

I don't want to hear any talking
about throwing in the towel.

Fonz, Officer Kirk!

I'll take care of Officer Kirk,
all right?

Leather and the Suedes
are playing here Friday night

and that's final.

(siren wailing)

All right,
out of my way, Delvecchio.

I gotta talk to these people.

Oh, come on, Officer Kirk.

Can't we discuss this
over an Arnoldburger?

Making death threats, eh?

I'll get you for that,
Delvecchio.

All right, now, hear this.

There's a decadent rock-and-roll
group working here tonight.

We don't like
undesirable people, do we?

They're very undesirable.

We don't like undesirables.

I'm a very unhappy man
right now.

And when I'm unhappy,
I like to write tickets.

Lots and lots of tickets.

How does that hit you?

Now, sound off after me.

Go home, jailbirds.

- CROWD: Go home, jailbirds.
- Come on. Let's hit it!

CROWD:
Go home, jailbirds.

-(chanting): Go home, jailbirds!
- What's going on here?

It's Kirk.
He's making the kids do this.

Fonz, it's Leather.
She won't go on.

- KIRK: I can't hear you
out there! -Go home, jailbirds!

Go home, jailbirds!
Go home, jailbirds!

- Go home, jailbirds! Go home,
jailbirds! -KIRK: Let's hear it!

Why aren't you out there
singing?

Why aren't you making
with the golden tones?

Can't you hear those creeps
out there yelling at us,

"Go home, jailbirds"?

I thought you said
you could handle the cop!

I can, but I won't.

That'll solve your problem
tonight.

What about tomorrow night?
What about next week?

It's time for you to stand up
for your rights, right now.

I have had enough hassles
in my life-- forget it.

Oh, well, I'm sorry.
My mistake.

And I thought that there was
some hope for you.

- You did?
- I wouldn't be standing here

in the middle of the ladies'
room talking to you if I didn't.

Are you gonna forget
about the wallet?

Hey, like I always say,

to err is human,
to forgive is divine.

Now, why don't you just go
right out there

and sing me a song?

- KIRK: Come on! Let's hit it!
- Go home, jailbirds!

- Go home, jailbirds!
- Can't you hear

what that cop
is doing out there?

I'm not ready for that yet.

Whoa.

Then you're a loser.

Listen, Mr. Magic, I'm not you.

I can't control things
with a finger snap.

Hey, that didn't come to me
right away.

It took time, at least...

two nights.

Well, things are different
for me.

Good luck has always been
kind of scarce.

Oh, yeah.

Well, look, don't give me
that bit about, uh,

growing up in a slum.

'Cause that's an excuse.

I've been on my own
since I was six.

Look at me. I didn't quit.
I ain't a loser.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You ain't never been
in the jug, either.

That's 'cause I was never
stupid enough to steal.

Now, you got a choice.

You can go out there,
make a fresh start.

Or you can stay in here
and be a bathroom attendant.

It's not me, it's them.

They won't even give me
the chance.

Well, then you got
to win 'em over, don't you?

Like you won me over.
And, believe me,

I am your toughest critic, Jack.

But, Fonz...

I'm scared.

Leather, we all get scared.

You can handle it.

Yeah, they're gonna yell,
but you can lick 'em.

You got talent.

You got... pizzazz.

Leather, Gertie quit!

She's not going out there!

Well, I can take her place.

Bertie can teach me the moves.

Oh, I can do it.

- KIRK: Over here!
- Thanks, Joanie.

Wait outside. I'll let you know.

- Right. -KIRK: I can't hear you!
- What about you, Bertie?

I'm sticking with you.

Whatever you want to do,
I'm going with you.

- I'll wait outside.
- Okay.

CROWD:
Go home, jailbirds!

So what's it gonna be?

You really think I got...
pizzazz?

The Fonz knows
what he's talking about.

You gonna be a singer,
you gonna be a loser?

Singer.

I knew that!

I... I knew that.

I just want you
to go out there now

and I want you to k*ll 'em,
you understand?

- Fonz...
- Yeah.

- CROWD: Go home, jailbirds!
- Thanks.

-(chanting continues)
- You bet.

Whoa!

CROWD: Go home, jailbirds!
Go home, jailbirds!

Pizzazz...

Go home, jailbirds!

- Go home, jailbirds...!
- KIRK: Let me hear you!

- Go home, jailbirds!
- Uh, ladies and gentlemen!

-(drumroll)
- Ladies and gentlemen!

Now, for the moment
you've all been waiting for...

-uh, Leather and the Suedes!
- Go home, jailbirds!

-("All Shook Up" begins)
- Go home, jailbirds!

Go home, jailbirds!
Go home, jailbirds!

Go home, jailbirds!

- What are you doing up here?
- Hey, you got a Suede sister.

Isn't it great?
(chuckles)

CROWD:
Go home, jailbirds!

- Ladies and gentlemen,
- Go home, jailbirds...!

- Now, the bombastic...
- Go home, jailbirds!

- Leather Tuscadero!
- Go home, jailbirds...!

Go home, jailbirds!

- Go home, jailbirds!
- ♪ Ah, ooh, bop-bop ♪

- ♪ Ah, ooh, bop-bop ♪
-(chanting continues)

♪ Ah, ooh, bop-bop I

♪ Ah, ooh... bop-bop I

CROWD: Go home, jailbirds!
Go home, jailbirds!

♪ Bless my soul,
what's wrong with me? ♪

♪ Ah, ooh, bop-bop I

-(chanting fades)
- ♪ I'm itching like a gal ♪

- ♪ On a fuzzy tree ♪
- ♪ Ah, ooh, bop-bop ♪

♪ My friends say
I'm acting wild as a bug ♪

♪ I'm in love,
I'm all shook up ♪

-.L' Oh, oh, oh, yeah ♪
-.l' Ooh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, yeah ♪
- ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Please don't ask me
what's on my mind ♪

♪ I'm a little mixed up
but I'm feeling fine ♪

♪ When I'm with the guy
that I love best ♪

♪ My heart beats so,
and it scares me to death ♪

♪ He touched my hand,
what a chill I got ♪

♪ His lips
are like a volcano that's hot ♪

♪ I'm proud to say
that he's my buttercup ♪

♪ I'm in love,
I'm all shook up ♪

-.L' Oh, oh, oh, yeah ♪
-.l' Ooh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

-.L' Oh, oh, oh, yeah ♪
-.l' Ooh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I'm all shook up. ♪

(cheering and applause)

KIRK:
Somebody told me about this...

I warned you of this.

I gave you a warning.

I'm gonna write 'em.

You'll get 'em!

You'll all get 'em!

(laughter and applause)

He's leaving! He's leaving!

Go home, Kirk!

CROWD:
Go home, Kirk!

Go home, Kirk! Go home, Kirk!

(cheering and applause)

(conversing indistinctly)

I'll see you guys later.
Let's go, Chach.

Okay, now listen up, listen up.

Since it is the Fonz's task
to bring joy and laughter

into everyone's heart,

especially the female gender,

I'm gonna make Leather
and the Suedes very, very happy.

Fonz, you're talking
about my sister.

Not that way, Rich.

Tell 'em, Chach.

Oh, well, do you see those
two guys Fonzie was talking to?

Well, they're big booking agents

that he brought out
from Chicago.

Oh, yeah? Y... Did they like us?

No. The liked the chicks
a lot better.

Well, what does it mean?

- Tell 'em, Chach.
- Oh, you chicks lucked out.

They're sending you
on a cross-country tour

starting in San Francisco.

With Fabian.

- Fabian? -Fabian? (squeals)
- Hey. -Hey.

(girls chattering)

Hey, what about me?

I told you the news.

JOANIE:
All right. One hug.

All right, girls--
come on, showtime.

(chuckles)

Sing something
to make 'em thirsty.

(Richie chuckles)

Oh... this is so exciting.

I'm off to San Francisco.

Joanie, you're not going
anywhere.

Why not?

Well, because you're a kid.

- Kid?
- Yeah.

Kid?

They've been
telling me that all my life.

I'm big enough to get the offer,
so I'm big enough to go.

Oh. Are you big enough
to ask Mom and Dad?

Ask 'em? I'm not gonna ask 'em.

I'm gonna tell 'em.

This is my big chance.

I'm going to San Francisco
whether they like it or not.

Even if I have to run away.

What? Run a... Hey, come back!

-(drumroll)
- RALPH: Now, once again,

Leather Tuscadero.

♪ Since my baby left me ♪

♪ I found a new place to dwell ♪

♪ It's down the end
of Lonely Street ♪

♪ At Heartbreak Hotel
and, baby ♪

♪ You leave me
so lonely, baby ♪

♪ Ooh, ah, ooh ♪

♪ You leave me so lonely ♪

♪ Ah, ooh I

♪ You leave me so lonely
I could die ♪

♪ The joint's always crowded ♪

♪ You still can find some room ♪

♪ For brokenhearted lovers ♪

♪ To cry away their gloom,
now, baby ♪

- ♪ You leave me so lonely... ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪

You're not really leaving.

Well, just watch me.

♪ You leave me so lonely
I could die... ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin'
all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Share them with me I
- S Oh, baby a'

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪