05x10 - My Fair Fonzie

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes,
my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Share them with me I
- S Oh, baby a'

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling
all week long ♪

(organ solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Happy and free I
- S Oh, baby a'

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Happy Days is filmed
before a studio audience.

♪ Drivin' insane
like a : o'clock train... ♪

All right, all right.

Let's go see who we can pick up
in our ROTC uniforms.

Oh, YOU guys go ahead.

I'm meeting Lori Beth over here.

- All right.
- Yeah.

Ship ahoy, girls.

Listen to him.
Listen to him.

He takes one stupid class
a week,

and he thinks he's Popeye.

Hi, Rich.

Oh, hi, Lori Beth.

(Richie chuckles)

My girl. (laughs)

Hey, Rich,
you know Cynthia Holmes?

She invited us
to her cousin's dinner party

at the yacht club
Saturday night.

Hey, no kidding?

You must be getting pretty
buddy-buddy with her, huh?

Not really, but she doesn't have
too many friends at school.

LORI BETH:
Cynthia. Hi. Over here.

Hi, Lori Beth.
Hi, Richie.

Hi, Cynthia.

Hey, Cynthia,
you know, me and Pots

aren't doing anything
Saturday night.

Oh. Have you considered the USO?

Hey, great idea!

The USO?

Yeah, Pots. I hear they got
girls down there that volunteer.

For what?

They help comfort lonely Gls.

I'm lonely, I'm lonely.

RALPH:
Me, too. I need comforting.

(Lori Beth laughs)

Don't you just love
men in uniform?

Only West Pointers.

Oh, listen,
I have the directions

for the yacht club for you.

Let me find them here.

Hey, congrats.

You got your braces
taken off.

Terrific.

II

New blood.

♪ And so, my darling ♪

♪ Please take my hand... ♪

Saturday night, stock car race.

Be there.

That's impossible.

Impossible?

I already have plans.

Conference time.

- Oh, but, Fonz, Lori Beth...
- Now.

♪ My darling,
please take my... ♪

By golly, it is conference time.

Be right with you, AF.

Yeah, Fonz?

Did you hear what
that girl said to me?

I'm gonna call
an ambulance for her.

Well, there's
nothing wrong with her.

Nothing wrong?

Well, Fonz, I just don't think
that she understands, uh...

"Be there."

Let me ask you a question: What
is that Cynthia woman's story?

Well... she comes from
a very wealthy family.

Grew up in an all-girls
school... you know.

Oh, you mean class, society,
stuff like that.

Right.

So if I were you,
I would just, uh,

you know, be a little crafty.

Try a... subtle approach.

Subtle.

I can handle that.

Just takes a little while
longer, that's all.

- Sure, just give it a few days.
- Days?

I'm talking minutes.

Richie's friend is cute.

Fonzie? Yeah.

Cynthia Holmes,

I'd like to introduce you
to Arthur Fonzarelli.

He likes to be called Fonzie.

Fonzie. How quaint.

Quaint back.

Very nice.

And I do mean... nice.

May I?

Certainly.

Minutes.

Now, um, Cynthia, Richie told me
that you spent so much time

in girls' schools,
I figured you missed out

on a lot of good years,
so why don't you and I

just go up
to Inspiration Point together.

Oh, my-

What I mean is that, you know,

Inspiration Point is, like,
one, a very historical site.

So many conquests have...

(laughs):
Conquests?

Oh, history.

Oh, I love history.

It's so exhilarating.

Exhilarating.

Exactly.

See that?
She gets my drift.

Look, why don't
you and Lori Beth

take a walk
while we make history?

Well, sure, Fonz.

Eh, come on, Lori Beth,

let's go sh**t some baskets.

He's so romantic.

How'd you like to get historic
right here in the booth?

Oh, Cynthia, do come along.

The cocktail guests are waiting.

I don't mind picking you up
in this... place,

but, uh, must you make me wait?

It's my cousin Millard.

I'm afraid
I really do have to run.

Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute, Mill...

you gotta hold on here,

'cause I'm having a convo
with your cuz.

Convo?

Oh, Millard, I'd like you
to meet Arthur Fonzarelli.

He likes to be called Fonzie.

Hey.

Fonzie...?

Yes, you know,

the way you like
to be called Skippy.

Skippy...!

Yes. How do you do?

- I do great.
-(chuckles)

Perhaps.
But confidentially,

one could never tell
from your appearance.

- Hey, you want to chase this
to the door? -Oh, no, no.

Don't be embarrassed.
It's just that Mother

collects clothing for charity,
and since most of it

is nicer than you have, perhaps
you could find something decent.

Well, no, since Mummy, uh...

dresses you, I think
I'll stick with what I got on.

Are you making fun of Mummy?

Millard...

please don't be mean to Fonzie.

We're going to a historical
landmark together.

Pick me up on Tuesday.

Tuesday!

-(snaps fingers)
- I can't. I'm all booked.

- Well, cancel it.
- No, no, you don't understand.

See, Beatrice, Rachel and Ellen

have been waiting
for six months on a list.

Three girls at once?

Well, that's
just on the weekends.

Tuesdays they work in shifts.

Now, listen, sweet lips,

I got to get back
to the garage, all right?

Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.

Listen, why don't you
get my phone number

from the bathroom wall--

maybe there's gonna be
a cancellation, huh?

Whoa!

Whoa!

Garage?!

You were going out
with a lowly mechanic?

Worse-- I've just been
turned down by a lowly mechanic.

Mm. Want to get even?

We'll invite him
to my party at the club.

Oh, Skippy.

No, no, no, amongst
the commodore and his friends,

this Fonzie will look like
a court jester... (chuckles)

Oh, Skippy,
what a wonderful idea.

You know, it really
could be quite amusing.

Oh, too, too amusing.

(chuckles)

(mouthing)

RICHIE:
Well, that's what Alfred said.

Imagine, trying
to humiliate him like that.

Richard, you've got
to tell Arthur not to go.

Well... Al and I
didn't really have the heart.

Well, look, you're an adult--

just come out
and tell him the truth.

I think you're right. That's
what I'm gonna have to do.

Yeah, and when you're in the
hospital, can I have your room?

Hey, listen, I'm very sorry
for the interruption right here,

but I want to show you
a flash of class. Look at that.

That's my first invitation
from Cynthia.

Raised letters,
and it ain't even a wedding.

Can you dig that?

Yes, Richard got one, too.

We-we rubbed it before.

Yeah. But the thing is, dig it,

this is my first RSVP.

Usually I just get,
you know, "Stag" or "Drag."

- Oh, Arthur...
- Yeah?

Richard.

- Howard...
- Marion...

I think maybe
you better leave us men alone

for a few minutes, huh?

Yes. Come on, Joanie,
let's, uh, defrost the roast.

- Oh, I miss all the fireworks.
- You're catching on.

What are we gonna do,
tell dirty jokes?

Fonz, look, about this party...

- Yeah.
- I think it's gonna be boring.

I'd much rather go
to the stock car races with you.

I mean, it's great--
(imitate tires skidding)

Skidding through turns.

(imitates crashing)

Wipeout!

You know, that's my kind of fun.

You don't have
to b*at around the bush with me;

I get your drift.

- Oh, you do?
- Sure.

This is gonna be a different
type of party for you.

You're gonna be lonely.

I'll take care of you-- promise.

Dad?
(clears throat softly)

(sighs)
Uh...

Fonzie,
when-when-when I was a kid,

uh, my father used
to tag along with me

at all the school dances.

Now, he was a nice guy,
but he just didn't fit in.

Can you understand
what I'm saying?

Sure.

And I hope that, one day,

you can sit down with your pop
and have a long talk.

Richard...

Fonzie, don't go to the party.

They only invited you there

'cause they want
to make fun of you.

They want to make fun of me?

Who wants to make fun of me?

Cynthia and-and Millard.

No, no, not Cynthia.

Cynthia, she sent me
this invitation,

with raised letters
and everything, man.

She likes me.

I mean, you know, Millard,
he's not one

of my favorite people
in the whole world-- so what?

Hey, I'll tell you something,
I'll tell you something,

I'll just watch my P's and Q's,
that's all.

You know,
like they say in society...

ta-ta.

Heyyy!

Well, you didn't exactly
talk him out of it.

Mm.

It looks like
Arthur's going to dinner.

Not only is he going to dinner,

it looks like he's going
to be the main course.

AL: Better hurry up, Fonz.
It's getting late.

Oh, Fonz, you look great!

- Perfect fit.
- Bellissimo!

With four arms?

Four arms!

You only gave me
two dollars for it.

I got it off of Ollie
the Human Octopus

at the circus sideshow.

Ollie's a phony?

I shook hands with him.

Now, look...

I'm gonna wear
my leather jacket.

It's proper for any occasion.

Get out of here.

Sorry, Fonz, I tried.

Hey, wait a minute...

maybe I could sell it
to Ralph and Potsie.

(seabirds squawk in distance)

(piano playing lively jazz)

(blows bosun's whistle)

Piping aboard.

Miss Lori Beth Allen
and Richard Cunningham.

- How do you do?
- How do you do? How do you do?

(blows whistle)

Piping aboard.

Mr. and Mrs. Simpson.

I don't see Fonzie;
I wonder if he's coming.

Oh, no, no, he's coming.

I... I saw the Polanski twins

pumping air
into his motorcycle tires.

(Fonzie whistles)

All right.

Now, hear this:

The Fonz is here--
let the frolics begin.

How do? How do? How do?

How do? How do?

How do you do?

Excuse me, Cynthia,
I just want to show Fonzie

the great view of Lake Michigan.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I wanted to introduce Fonzie
to some of our friends.

This is the Commodore.

Oh, uh, how do you do?

He's a little deaf.

Come, Fonzie, I want you
to meet some more people.

- RICHIE: Uh, no!
- FONZIE: See ya, see ya, see ya.

How do? How do? How do?

Hey. Nice to see ya.

All right, ship ahoy.

So glad you could come.
(chuckles)

A leather blazer-- how gauche.

Good. How gauche it with you?

Hey, eats! All right!

I never heard caviar
referred to as "eats."

Caviar?

Yes, sir, they're
little fish eggs.

It's imported. Eat up.

Imported little fish eggs.

How quaint.

I had 'em for lunch;
thanks very much, anyway.

Juanita,
that will be enough out of you.

Wait a minute,
she's just being friendly.

We don't hire servants
to be friendly.

We hire them to work.

(bosun's whistle blows)

Dinner is served.

Hey, uh, Juanita...

thanks a lot for the tip
on the little fishies, huh?

- Heyyy.
- Come, Millard.

Uh, yes, come along,
Mr. Fonzarelli.

Dinner is ready.
hurry along, now.

Chow, chow.

(chuckles):
"Chow, chow."

Hey, I love Chinese food.

I want to tell you something,
I really like that soup.

- What is it?
- Vichyssoise.

Oh, it tasted
like potatoes to me.

- It is potato.
- I knew the soup.

I knew the soup!

I know my veggies.
(chuckles)

Perhaps Mr. Fonzarelli
would like to choose

the next bottle of wine.

- I'll do it! -I'll do it!
- CYNTHIA: No, no...

let Fonzie do it.

Perhaps a hint.

We're having lobster.

Flown in from Maine, of course.

Of course. I wouldn't
want those little guys

to walk here all by themselves.

We have an excellent
wine cellar here.

Perhaps a Mouton Cadet,
a Pinot Chardonnay

or a, uh,
a Chateauneuf-du-Pape?

What's your choice?

Number .

A Pouilly Fuissé, uh, .

An excellent choice, sir.

He got the wine!
Fonz, you got the wine!

I got the wine.

(whispering)

Yes, uh, an excellent choice.

Don't you think so, Sappy?

That's Skippy.

Of course.

Millard, he is making
a sap out of you.

The evening isn't over yet.

Pardon me.

(inhales)

It is customary
at these occasions

to have one of the guests
offer a toast to the ladies.

I think it would be
most appropriate

for Mr. Fonzarelli to do
the honors-- don't you think so?

Uh, a toast
to the ladies at my table.

I think you remind me...

of a bouquet.

Lovely, lovely flowers...

...with great stems!

(guests clinking glasses)

Juanita, I won't have a servant
mingling with the guests!

Hey, hold it, she ain't
mingling, she's laughing.

Juanita, I warned you before--
now, get out, you're fired.

-(Fonzie snaps fingers)
- Hold it! Get back here!

Oh, man, there's
gonna be trouble.

Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute, I'm cool.

I just have a few words here
to say to Skippy.

Now, uh, Skip-face...

ever since I got here
to this little get-together,

you've been pushing me
around, see?

That's okay. I'm cool.

I can take care of myself.

When you start pushing little
ladies around, you gone too far.

- CYNTHIA: He's right.
-(Millard huffs)

After all, who'll serve dinner?

(low, indistinct chatter)

"Who'll serve dinner?"

That's what
you're worried about?

Who will serve dinner?

Boy, did you turn out to be
a disappointment, Cynth.

All right, all right,
who is gonna serve dinner, then?

Oh, let me say...

permit me.

Millard...

some lobster.

Let me tell you something.

Don't you ever
call me for a date.

I only date chicks with class.

Well, I never!

Well, honey,
maybe that's your problem.

Hey!

Somebody help me--
I have a lobster on my lap.

Ooh, that Fonzie
is such a common person.

Positively gross.

Okay, buddy, that's it!

You and Cynthia have been
needling Fonzie all night.

You got what you deserved.

You're-you're crude

and-and you're boring and...

- Rotten!
- Right!

- You're not a nice person.
- What makes you think

you're better than my friend
Arthur Fonzarelli?

Maybe he doesn't have
white pants and a blue blazer,

but I'll tell you
one thing, buddy,

he's got something
you'll never have--

he's got class!

Yeah, that's right,
I said class.

- Let's get out of here.
- MILLARD: Yes, steward,

show this common trash
to the door.

Common trash?

Oh, excuse me.

I'm sorry, but you've just seen
common trash pushed too far.

You're forgetting one thing

that goes very well
with lobster--

melted butter.

(Cynthia gasping)

♪ ...my love ♪

♪ You're the only one ♪

IIsee ♪

♪ God only knows ♪

♪ You're the one I dream of... ♪

Hi, Fonz.

II

(music stops)

Hey, Rich.
Listen, uh, girls,

I would like to talk to Rich
on the QT, all right?

(laughs)
Let's powder our noses.

They want to be alone.

You know,
about that Cynthia girl,

you were absolutely right.

I let a beautiful girl
fog my brain.

Well, it happens
to the best of us.

Yeah, but what
I really want to say is

that I am very, uh, s... s...

Richie, I am sincerely...

S... S... S...

Fonz, you don't have
to say you're sorry.

Good. I won't.

But, uh...
I didn't do too good there,

and they probably tossed you out
on my account; I know that.

You kidding?

Think I was gonna
stick around there

after what they did to you?

Are you telling me
that you left on your own?

Yeah. Uh, after I corrected
the one small mistake you made.

You never serve lobster
in a man's lap...

without melted butter.

You did that?

- Yeah.
- You did that?

(laughs):
The whole pitcher.

Well, you know,
it goes together.

Yeah. I'll tell you something,
like you and me,

we go together like lobster
and melted butter, right?

Right, right. Like, uh,
peanut butter and jelly.

(laughs):
Yeah, right.

I hate peanut butter and jelly.

But I know exactly
what you mean.

- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.

So I just want to say thanks,
and I'm thinking

maybe we could have
our own little party, huh?

That's a great idea.

How about
a little, uh, music, maestro?

-(snaps fingers)
- Right.

(song resumes)

♪ Nothing matters ♪

♪ To me... ♪

Oh, where's Juanita?

We're gonna have a party.

She'll be out in a minute.

She's reading the walls.

Oh, Fonzie,
I read all about you.

Never believe what you read--
I'm much better in person.

Lori Beth?

Is there anything
in there about me?

Yeah. It says...

(chuckles):
It does?

I wrote it.

II

(music playing on radio)

♪ There ♪

♪ In the gleam of your ♪

♪ Deep hazel eyes... ♪

This is kind of romantic,

being alone...

soft lights and music.

Mm.

You're what makes it
romantic, sweetheart.

Oh, Howard,
you and your sweet talk.

I love it.

Huh?

RICHIE:
Oh... (chuckles)

Mom and Dad, uh...

-you're still up, huh?
- HOWARD: That's right.

- MARION: Hi, Lori Beth. Oh...!
- Lori Beth.

How did Arthur do at the party?

- Oh, he did fine.
- Oh, yeah, they're...

they're never gonna forget him.

Oh, good.

I love it when things work out.

- Dad...
- We were here first, Richard.

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine ♪

♪ These are such Happy Days! ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin'
all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Share them with me I
- S Oh, baby a'

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪