05x11 - Bye Bye Blackball

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes,
my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Share them with me I
- S Oh, baby I

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling
all week long ♪

(organ solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Happy and free I
- S Oh, baby I

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! I

RICHIE, POTSIE & RALPH:
♪ Glorious, victorious ♪

♪ One keg of suds
for the four of us ♪

♪ Singing glory be to God
that there are no more of us ♪

♪ As we could drink it
all alone! ♪

♪ All alone. ♪

I love college life.

Drinking songs, climbing
greased poles, panty raids.

I love being a man.

What are you guys
so happy about?

You're starting Hell Week.

I get the woolies just thinking

of all the terrible things
they're gonna make you do.

Al, we're joining the best frat
on campus, Phi Kappa Nu.

Yeah, it's got
the-the highest grade standing.

It's got the best athletes.

It's got
the best fraternity house.

You don't just goof around.

Like, all afternoon,
we've been out collecting toys

for underprivileged children.

Ah, fraternities.

I wish I was...
ten years younger.

Yeah.

Hey.

Let me tell you something,
my little gladiola.

Don't you brood,
'cause once I touch your car,

I'm gonna get it in
as good of shape as... you are.

- RALPH: Fonz! -POTSIE: Hey,
Fonzie, how you doing?

Hey, look who's over there.

- If it ain't Potsie
and Ralph and Richie. -Yeah.

See, there's my friends.

Listen, you remember Boom Boom?

Yeah, she was, uh,
last month's, uh, centerfold

'm All About Roller Derby.

Oh, yeah.

I saw her on television.

These are my buddies.
They're college men.

Very intellectual
fraternity boys...

dressed like... bowling pins.

Well, Fonz...

Fonz, we got to wear the
beanies, because it's Hell Week.

Oh, right. See that?

The whole week,
they're gonna eat goldfish,

get paddled upside one down
their body, down the other.

- Yeah. -Eating goldfish.
Fun stuff, Fonz.

Yeah, but once
we get through Hell Week,

then we're fraternity brothers
for life.

- Brothers! -Brothers!
- FONZIE: Right, right.

Well, I got no time
for college frolicking.

You know, see, her ' MG
got vandalized on the street,

stripped to the bone.

OTHERS:
Aw!

Soto speak. Yeah.

Do me a favor, okay?

Here's a dime.

Go right over there--
that a girl--

and call Happy Harry's Garage.

You got that? Right?

Ask him for a carburetor.

Here you go.

I'm gonna get her a new chassis.

Not that she needs one.

There's the president of PKN.
More fun, guys.

Got any good pledges this year?

Uh, well, there's Myers.
He's not bad. Johnson.

Cunningham I like.

I'm not so sure about Malph
and Weber, though, uh...

Malph and Weber, huh?

Hey, and the pledge master,
Terrible Tom.

He's all right.
Come on, let's go.

- Hey, guys.
- Hi, fellas.

- Hi.
- All right, hi.

We got to get back
to the frat house,

set things up
for the dance tonight.

- RALPH: Yes, sir.
- RICHIE: All right.

Where are the other pledges?

Uh, they're not here yet, Brad.

Let me have some fun
with the ones we got, huh?

You know, sort of
whip 'em into shape.

They're all yours.

-(throat clearing)
- All right, now, pledges,

all I want you to do is deliver
these party invitations

to the Iota girls.

RALPH & POTSIE:
Yes, sir, sir!

- RICHIE: Uh...
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Those are airmail.

Man your planes, pledges!

(making nasal, buzzing sounds)

Malph, there's an Iota at : .

-(making nasal buzzing sounds)
- Weber, hit the air.

Cunningham, you're sputtering.

Refuel!

Oh!

(nasal humming)

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

- Whoa! Whoa!
- Zih.

- Yeah, ziz, ziz, zih, right.
-(board slapping)

Cunningham,
let me ask you a question.

Is this the way that college
is preparing you for life?

(board slapping)

Oh, Fonz, I realize
this looks a little silly.

-(nasal buzzing continues)
- Yeah. -Oh.

- It may be silly...
-(board slapping)

...but-but we got to prove that
we're worthy of being PKNs.

That's the whole point
of all this stuff.

And, yeah,
it is very important to us.

Yeah, I'll tell you something.

I didn't realize
how important it was.

Go back to being a bumblebee.

(board slapping)

-(nasal buzzing continues)
- I'm a plane.

No, you're not.
I know planes.

I've got a Min-engine model
over here.

(Fonzie laughs)

(buzzing continues)

BRAD:
That's enough.

- Okay, all right. -We got
to get 'em back to the house.

We'll take care
of the other pledges later.

- Let's go, pledges.
- Yes, sir.

Ah... let's go as ducks.

More fun, right?

Get quacking, pledgers.

(Richie, Potsie and Ralph
making quacking sounds)

First one back gets a bowl
of bird seed.

Wow, a prize!

(quacking resumes)

(board slaps)

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Richard.

Richard?!

Hey, the molasses
and feather bit, huh?

-(chuckles)
- You started Hell Week.

Terrific.

Dad, I just...
I wish you could've seen it.

- I mean, it was fantastic.
- Yeah?

- First, they paddled us.
Oh, it's... -Uh-huh.

- Then they hit us in the face
with raw eggs. -Uh-huh.

They made us roll peanuts
around the floor with our noses.

It was... (laughs)

It was just great.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

I loved it, too.

-(Richie laughs)
- Ah, good old PKN.

Those were the days.
Congratulations again, Richard.

Thank you, Dad.

- What memories.
- Yeah.

I better take this, uh,
sack of feathers on upstairs.

Sack of feathers?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

They-they let me
keep the leftovers.

See, there was this one
very short pledge, you know.

Boy, college is helping him
already.

(chuckles)

Oh, hi.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, dear.

Oh, uh, Howard, dear,
would you give Chachi a quarter?

- He was such a help.
- Hmm.

Wait. What is this?
I carry groceries in

all the time,
and I don't get paid for it.

Well, Chachi didn't get
a new dress on Saturday.

Thanks, Mrs. C,
but I'll settle for the quarter.

Yeah, well, Chachi, now, look,

I'm going to have
to give it to you later.

I got nothing smaller
than a dollar bill.

Well, I can make change.

Want to try double or nothing?

Just give me the change, huh?

Hey, Mom, do you know where
my other good white shirt is?

Oh, Richard, what on...

Oh, Richard, Richard,
you're just tracking feathers

all over my clean house.

Come on, I'll vacuum you.

My wonderful son here
just happened

to join the best fraternity
on campus.

(laughs)
Which one?

Kappa Kappa Cluck?

(Joanie laughs)

Oh, Joanie, that's not nice.

Oh.

Can you lay an egg?

If I do, will you sit on it?

(laughter)

Joanie, why don't you and Chachi
put the groceries away, huh?

- Oh.
- Oh, okay, Dad.

Hey, blue eyes,

how'd you like
to get initiated into my club?

I'd rather get tarred
and feathered.

You know, Marion,
he didn't just join a frat.

He joined PKN,
just like his old dad.

Don't remind me.

All that silly
fraternity nonsense.

When they poured whitewash
over your head,

and all the girls teased me.

"Oh, Marion, who's the chubby
little snowman?"

I was not chubby then.

Besides, fraternities
are not silly.

Fraternity ties can be
very important in later years.

They made him sew "Chubby"
on his fraternity sweater.

Kept his hand over it all the
time, but I knew it was there.

(laughs) Must have looked like
he was pledging allegiance.

Oh, Richie, that's a good one.

Do you mind? Can we drop
this "Chubby" business?

Oh, this has been
such a fun day.

Dad, you must have looked
pretty cute

with the "Chubby"
and the snow...

Yeah.

Well, I think I'll...
I'll get cleaned up now.

(Richie clears throat)

We're having a dance
for our sister sorority.

You know, the-the Iota girls.

Oh, yeah, but wait, Richard,
before you go.

Uh, the old PKN chant, huh?
Come on, let's do it.

Oh, I-l don't know, Dad.

I'm not sure
that I really know it yet.

- I just started learning it.
- Well, all right, come on!

We'll give it the college try,
all right?

- Okay.
- You ready?

Yeah.

BOTH:
Come on, brother, don't be blue.

We're the tops, Phi Kappa Nu.

PKN, PKN.

We did it before,
and we can do it again! Hey!

Oh. Fonzie,
Dad and I were just...

No, no, uh, uh, uh,
ho, ho, ho.

It's all right, Richie.

I'll make up my own story. Whoa!

(upbeat s
instrumental music plays)

-(Brad clears throat)
-(indistinct chatter)

Huh? Huh?

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

Imagine us
at a fraternity dance.

Yeah, and they didn't stamp
our hand or nothing.

- Yeah.
- Nothing.

Ooh, I love it.

-(sniffs) Smells just like
my soap. -(Potsie laughs)

Did I lie, girls?

Isn't this everything
I said it would be?

Better.

- Oh, look, a piano.
- Oh.

Yeah, yeah, I play.

Oh, so do we,
but not on the first date.

-(laughter)
- That sounds great.

(laughter, indistinct chatter)

- Hey.
-(indistinct chatter)

- Hi, guys. -Hey.
- Hey, Rich.

- Buddy boy, how you doing?
- I'm fine.

Look, uh, we-we got to talk,
maybe over at the punch bowl...

Wait a minute, Rich. I want you
to meet Claudia and Darlene.

Hi.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Yeah, they work
at the Blue Bird Diner.

Some dishes, huh?

Dishes, diner. Get it?

- Yeah.
- I still got it.

We work the steam table.

Yeah, that's how come
we got frizzy hair. See?

Oh, yeah, frizzy.

I see. It's-it's nice.

Oh, thanks.

Uh, look, would you mind

if we left you girls alone
for just a minute?

Oh, sure.
We'll, uh... hold the order?

Hold the order.
That's great.

- Come on, guys.
- Be back in a minute.

Over at the punch table here.

- See you later, yeah.
- See you later, right.

Aren't they great?

- Aren't they terrific?
- Don't worry.

Uh, guys,

-why in the world did you
bring dates? -Thanks, Ralph.

Well, we owe 'em, Rich.
They gave us extra flapjacks.

Yes, so we told 'em we'd bring
them to our first frat dance.

Right, what's two girls
more or less?

It's got the fraternity guys
very upset.

They think it's an insult
to the Iota girls.

It's supposed
to be a closed party.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Well, what are we gonna do?

We can't toss the girls out.

POTSIE: No kidding. Darlene's
the bouncer at the diner.

Hello, pledges.

POTSIE, RALPH & RICHIE:
Hello, brother Donnelly, sir.

I notice you don't have
your pledge books with you.

Oh, Tom, no pledge books here.

No books?

Oh, you guys must think
you know everything, huh?

Most of it, sir.

The Greek alphabet, Cunningham.

Oh. Alpha, beta, gamma, delta...

All right, all right,
Cunningham.

You, Malph.

- Alpha, beta, gamma...
- TOM: Uh...

- Backwards.
- RALPH: Backwards?

Backwards, Malph.

Alpha, beta, gamma, delta...

Enough, Malph, enough.

Get it? Get it? Backwards.
I thought that was pretty good.

You're gonna have
a funny guy here.

You guys must
really like parties.

- ALL: Oh, yeah.
- Oh, have I got

-a party for you.
- Great, great! -Oh, great!

A work party.

- More fun!
- You'll see.

- And now you, Weber.
- Y-Yes, sir.

Have you learned
the fraternity song?

Oh, yes, sir.

Everyone, gather round!

Pledge Weber
is going to entertain us

with his rendition
of our fraternity song.

And, uh, Weber,
it better be perfect.

Uh, yes, sir. Come on, Malph.

Hey, guys, look, sideways.

Alpha, beta, gamma...

What a prize you guys
are getting, fun and music.

Come on, girls.

- Somebody get the lights.
-(piano playing)

♪ Dream girl, my girl ♪

♪ Of Phi Kappa Nu ♪

♪ Brings every day ♪

♪ A moment or two ♪

♪ Of caring, sharing ♪

♪ A love that is true ♪

♪ My dream girl ♪

♪ Of Phi Kappa Nu ♪

♪ Dream girl ♪

♪ My girl of Phi Kappa Nu ♪

♪ Brings every day ♪

♪ A moment or two ♪

♪ Of caring, sharing ♪

♪ A love that is true ♪

♪ My dream girl

♪ Of Phi Kappa Nu. ♪

'(swig ends)
-(applause)

(scrubbing sounds)

Boy, what laughs
we're having, huh?

- Yeah, scrubbing floors
with a toothbrush. -(chuckling)

- And I thought I'd miss
high school. -Yeah.

I'm just glad we don't have
to brush after each meal.

(chuckles)
Ah, it's worth it, Rich.

I wonder how long
we get to do this.

Oh, probably till they're done
with their meeting.

I wonder
what they're meeting about.

No doubt deciding
what to give me

-for being the funniest pledge.
- Yeah, right?

Good work, pledges.

- You can stop scrubbing now.
- Oh, good.

- I was wrecking
my new toothbrush. -Yeah.

- Uh, Cunningham.
- Yes, sir.

We ran out of stamps.

Would you deliver this letter
for us, please?

Oh, yes, sir.

Oh, this goes to Oshkosh.
That's miles away.

I know. So you'd better
take it airmail.

Uh... (mumbles)

(mimics buzzing airplane engine)

You got one for me?
I fly in fog.

-(chuckles)
- No letter, Malph.

Oh, you want to break eggs
on our heads again.

That was great.

That's not it.

We've decided to let you join
another fraternity.

(laughs)
Thanks, but this one's fine.

You fraternity guys cr*ck me up.
You're just like me.

- They're such kidders, Pots.
- I know. -No kidding, Malph.

You and Weber
are not PKN material.

You've been blackballed.

RALPH:
Don't worry, Boom Boom.

Fonzie will be out
of his office in a minute.

Uh... hi, guys.

- RALPH a POTSIE: Hey, Rich.
- Hi.

So, uh, what's new?

Uh, no, uh...
(clears throat)

Hey, guys, uh,
want to go out and, uh,

play a little blackball?

Uh, basketball.
You know, I meant

maybe we could sh**t
a few baskets. We could...

- I'm not in the mood.
- Uh, no basketball, Rich.

Okay, could you, uh... could you
excuse us for just a minute?

(sighs heavily)

Hey, Rich, ask her again.

Just for a minute.

Thanks.

Okay, I heard
about what happened.

They dumped us, Rich.
Can you b*at that?

And we really worked hard.
It's just not fair.

I think it's terrible.

And that's why, uh...

I'm-I'm thinking about quitting.

- Quitting?
- Yeah.

W-Wait a minute, Rich,
no, why should you quit?

We broke the rules, not you.

Yeah, PKN is good for you.

Look, we'll find
another fraternity.

Oh, man, that's-that's
really nice of you guys.

Besides, Fonzie thinks
all PKNs are nerds.

Yeah...

Fonzie said what?

You know, nerds.

He called the PKNs nerds?

I'm a PKN.

That's frat biz.

If he's calling PKNs nerds,
then he's calling me a nerd.

You might say that.

Well, he can't go around
calling PKNs nerds!

Well, don't yell at us.
Yell at him.

Well, he's just lucky
that he's not here.

He's in his office.

Oh, you probably think
I'm afraid.

You think I'm scared
to go in there, huh?

Ha!

The PKNs are not nerds!

Why, you've read the bylaws.
It says you must defend

your fraternity brothers
against all interlopers!

Well, I'll tell you
something, buckos,

I'm defending
my fraternity brothers!

...except this time,
will you send me a clean one?

You know what happened the last
time I tried to put it in?

All right, Fonzarelli,
will you get off the phone?

You and I have something
to talk about!

Look, all right, I'm gonna send
somebody over there.

I know it's on Main and Elm.
Thank you very much.

I'm off the phone. You see that?
I'm off the phone!

All right, now,
what are you yelling at?

I'm yelling because...
What are you doing on skates?

I don't know!
I get nutso sometimes.

I mean, Boom Boom's on skates.
I'm trying to keep up with her.

Now, what are you yelling about?
What is all this?

I'm yelling
because you called me a nerd.

I have known you
all these years, Fonz.

You have never, ever
called me that.

Well, I'm not calling you
a nerd now.

I called PKNs nerds.

If the shoe fits.

- Heyyy.
- What? If the shoe fits?

- Yeah, that's what I said.
- Oh!

I'm telling you something,
Fonzie.

- You don't know anything
about fraternities. -Oh, yeah?

- I know something...
Where are you now? -I'm in here.

Well, then get out here!
I can't skate in there.

- I'm out! I'm out.
- All right.

Now, look, what is your problem?

Who are you yelling at?

I am not yelling!

It's an echo.

Whoa.

There's no echo in here.

Now, what's your problem?

Fonzie, you do not understand
the way a fraternity works.

I might not understand
fraternities,

but I understand
dumping friends.

I didn't dump anybody.

Ralph and Potsie
are still my friends.

Th-They're behind me.

Oh, sure, as long as they don't
get in your frat way.

Whoa.

Fonzie, I don't have
to spend every minute with them.

We are not joined at the hips.

All I wanted to find out, Red,

was whether you were dumping
Ralph and Potsie.

That is all.

That's all?

That's it.

Oh, well,
then I-I'm sorry I yelled. I...

It's all right.

I guess I'm kind of upset
about this, too.

Ralph and Potsie and...

PKN's nerds...

Fonzie, see, I-l really
don't want to quit PKNs.

Why? 'Cause PKN are...
they're cool?

- Yeah, PKN is cool.
- Let me tell you something, Red.

Organizations aren't cool.

People are cool.

Well... right,
I-l realize that, Fonz.

But th-this could be
so good for me.

I don't understand
what you're talking about there,

but you got to do
what you got to do, so go do it.

- Uh...
- Do me a favor, all right?

- Yeah, sure.
- Now, look,

tell Boom Boom to go down
to Main and Elm

to Greasy Glen's Garage
and pick me up a carburetor.

- Greasy Glen's. I got it.
- Yeah.

And I'll just tell her.
You know, I won't yell.

I'm not yelling anymore.

- PKNs don't yell, Fonz.
- Whoa!

All right.

Kids.
(chuckles)

Whoa!

What?

"Nfimero, por favor"?

I must have hit it too hard.
I got long distance.

- Okay...
- Cunningham.

Uh, you all set to decorate for
the initiation party tonight?

Oh, yes, sir. I've, uh,
got the crepe paper in my car.

I'll see you guys later,
all right?

- Richie.
- Huh?

We have a problem here.

Oh, is there something wrong?

- Tell him, Tom.
- It's...

it's those guys, Cunningham.
We blackballed 'em.

And-and here you are
sitting with them.

It doesn't look good for us
if you're hanging around

with pledges we dumped.

Well, th-they're
my friends, though.

Oh, Rich,
we're your friends now.

Maybe it's time you outgrew
your high school buddies.

Outgrew'?

Oh, look, uh...

Tom, Brad, I-l really want
to be in PKN,

but I want to be able
to keep my old friends.

It shouldn't have
to totally dominate my life.

Other fraternities
don't do that.

Rich, that's exactly why we're
number one and they're not.

Rich, you're still
a freshman, immature.

You're like a piece of clay,

but we'll mold and shape you
into a real PKN.

Come on, Cunningham.

Hold it just a minute!

Telling me
who I can have for friends?

Th-That's supposed
to be shaping me?

- Rich... -Next thing you're
gonna do, you're gonna tell me

I can't talk
to my friend Fonzie here?

Or my sister Joanie

-because she's not an Iota?
- Cunningham...

Maybe I don't want
to be number one.

Maybe not at those prices.

Cunningham, do you know
what you're doing?

Yes, sir.

I'm dumping you, sir.

Phi Kappa Nu. People-shaping.

The whole duck-quacking,
feathered peanut-pushing thing.

I am Richie Cunningham,

and these are my friends.

So you can just put that
in your Phi Kappa and...

Nu on it!

♪ Glorious, victorious ♪

RALPH, RICHIE & POTSIE:
♪ One keg of suds ♪

♪ For the four of us ♪

♪ Singing glory be to God
that there are ♪

♪ No more of us ♪

♪ As we could drink it
all alone ♪

Take it, Fonz!

♪ Singing glory ♪

RALPH, RICHIE & POTSIE:
♪ Be to God ♪

♪ That there are no more of us ♪

♪ As we could drink it
all alone. ♪

Heyyy!

Well, Richard, it's still early.

Want to go out and throw
the old football around?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Dad, you know that I-l am sorry
about not getting in the PKNs.

Well, I think you made
the right choice, Richard.

From what you told me, the old
PKN is not what it used to be.

No. I-l hope I can get
into another fraternity, though.

It doesn't really matter,
you know.

I didn't become a PKN
till I was a junior.

It's really up to you.
But just...

don't join a fraternity to
become part of the crowd, huh?

Yeah. Thanks, Dad.

- Let's go throw around
the pigskin. -Right.

-(Richie chuckles)
- Rich, great news.

We've been asked
to join Alpha Tau Omega!

All three of us!

- The three of us?
- Uh-huh! -Yeah!

Well, let's get down there.

(Potsie, Ralph and Richie
quacking)

Oh, Dad,

I-I'm not trying
to be part of the crowd.

I'm just gonna go down there
and check it out, you know.

(quacking)

Quack, quack, Richie.

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours
and mine, Happy Days! ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin'
all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Share them with me I
- S Oh, baby I

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪