05x19 - Spunkless Spunky

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes,
my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Share them with me I
- S Oh, baby I

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling
all week long ♪

(organ solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Happy and free I
- S Oh, baby I

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! I

Happy Days is filmed
before a studio audience.

Hi, everybody.

MARION:
Oh, Howard.

Thank goodness
you're here, dear.

Oh, how did your physical go?

- Well... -What kind
of diet did the doctor

put you on this year, Dad?

Mmm. There goes
that big mouth again.

I'm not gonna know
for a few days, dear,

until the lab tests
come through, you know.

Well, I'm sure
you're gonna be just fine.

Well, the doctor kept shaking
his head and going,

"Uh-huh, uh-huh."

And knowing him,
that's gonna cost me about

five dollars an "uh-huh."

Oh, keep the coat on, dear.
We're going to have company.

- What? -Ben Wilson, our new
neighbor, is dropping by.

Company?
But, Marion, I-l thought

you'd make the potato salad
for the Leopard Lodge picnic.

I brought all
the potatoes, and here,

I even brought you
a new potato peeler.

And he had better
be named Howard Cunningham.

I'm not going to peel
and slice and cook...

pounds of potatoes? Aw.

Well, I don't expect you
to do it, sweetheart.

You'll do pounds now
and pounds later.

I know who's going to help me.

Richie. Bye.

- There goes the big mouth,
right through the door. -Aw.

-(knocking) -Oh, that
must be our new neighbor.

Oh. Here, Howard.

Well, what do you want me
to do with that, Marion?

(Howard clears throat)

- Oh.
- HOWARD: How do you do?

I'm your new neighbor,
Ben Wilson.

Oh, how thoughtful- petunias.

Look, they have
the roots still on them.

They have the roots
still on 'em...

because your dog ripped 'em
out of my garden.

See?

If he sneaks under my fence
again, Cunningham,

I'm going to fix him,

and then I'm gonna
come over here and fix you.

Oh, is that so?

We don't have a dog, Mr. Wilson.

Hello, Spunky.

WILSON: No dog, huh?
Then who's that? Your son?

That's my son, wise guy.

Yes, for heaven's sakes,
see, he's taller.

I don't want him
in my yard, either.

Well I don't want you
in my house.

Qfowm
{gruntsy

Well, should I shut the door,
or are you gonna yell some more?

Uh, I better go upstairs.

I got to start on my
Moby d*ck book report.

Hold it.

Where's Fonzie?

- Fonzie?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, I don't know, Dad.
Why? What's the problem?

His dog, Spunky,
that's the problem.

Mr. Wilson was over here,
yelling at me

because he thought
I just dug up his yard.

He put the blame on me.

- Oh, he thought you
dug up the yard? -Yeah.

(laughing):
He thought you were looking

for a bone or something?

- Bad doggie.
-(Spunky whimpers)

Oh, I just hate it when one
of the family gets into trouble.

Hey, door's open. How you doing?

RICHIE:
Fonz.

I'd like a word with you,
Mr. Fonzarelli.

Mr. Fonza... Whoa.

Yeah, our new neighbor
just came over here

bellowing at me because your dog
Spunky was digging up his yard.

You took flack
for me and my dog?

I appreciate that.
Thank you very much.

I'll take care of this
right now.

Hey, listen, Spunky.

-(whimpers)
- That's right. We're gonna...

Don't try to make up with me.

We're gonna have
a dog-to-man talk right now.

You understand that?

Oh, poor Spunky.

Now, look, I've explained this
to you before.

You defied the Fonz.

You understand what
I'm talking about?

You know what that means?
You know what that means?

- That means punishment.
-(groans)

First thing:
this week, no veggies.

Number two:

no television.

That's right, no television.

No Playhouse for you.

Let's go. Let's go.

Fonzie, your dog
watches television?

He's got to. They don't
let him in the movies.

Whoa.

FONZIE: Spunky, for days...
for days like this.

Sad. Just sad.

Don't worry, Fonz.

Don't worry, Fonz,
we'll cheer him up.

Come on, Spunky,
this is your party.

Yeah, you're a
terrific-looking dog, Spunky.

You really are.
You're a great guy.

I tell you.

Hi, guys. Uh, what's going on?

Hey, Rich, we're trying
to cheer up Spunky.

Can't you see he's depressed?

Yeah, it's
a Happy Depression party.

I can't believe
you went through with this.

Hey, Cunningham,
I tried everything.

Television, he won't watch.

He won't eat.

I'll tell you something,
Cloris Breck and I

took him to the drive-in
to see Lassie.

Is he still sad,
or is he still sad?

- I'll bet Cloris was happy.
-(everyone laughs)

Well, I can't stay, Fonz.

I... I got to finish
my Moby d*ck book report.

I'm way behind. They haven't
even spotted the whale yet.

- FONZIE: Cunningham.
- RICHIE: Hmm?

Party time.

♪ For he's a jolly good doggie ♪

♪ For he's
a jolly good doggie ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good doggie ♪

♪ Which nobody can deny. ♪

- Yeah!
-(laughter)

Well, here's the cake.
Anybody want a piece?

Uh, what kind
of cake is that, Al?

It's chopped liver.

- CHACHl: Pass.
- RALPH: Pass.

I'll have a small piece.

Potsie, you're strange.

Hey, if there are any leftovers,

you could put them
in a Potsie bag. (laughs)

Here you are, fella.

A nice piece of cake.

Oh, thanks Al,
I already have one.

Just take a bite.

Just a little, tiny bite. Here.

Oh, yeah, it's great.

He's not eating.

Smelling, but not eating.

All right, it's conference time.
Get over here.

Aw, Fonz, seriously.

I-I-I'm in trouble
with this book report.

Man, I-l didn't even
see the movie.

The CliffsNotes
are all sold out.

I couldn't find
the classic comics.

Are you finished?

Yeah, let's talk.

I don't know what to do.
Nothing's working.

The party ain't working.

He's spunkless.
He won't eat, won't play.

He's in dumpsville.

Well, did you ever figure
he might be sick?

Why don't you take him
to the vet for a checkup?

Don't you think
I thought of that?

Oh, well, good. Well, when
are you gonna take Spunky?

I haven't thought of that yet.

Why not? I mean,
it could just be worms.

Oh, wait a minute, are...

are you afraid to take Spunky
to the vet 'cause...

the vet might really find
something wrong with him?

Oh, come on, Fonz.

Look, I'll drive
down there to the vet.

Okay.

Aw, I hate to break up
the party. Look at that--

Potsie's having
such a good time.

POTSIE:
Here's to you, Spunky.

♪ John Jacob
Jingleheimer Schmidt ♪

♪ His name is my name, too ♪

♪ Bah, ba, ba ♪

♪ Whenever you go out ♪

♪ You can hear
the people shout ♪

♪ There goes John Jacob
Jingleheimer Schmidt ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da ♪

ALFRED:
Everybody sing!

I'm so sick of whales.

I would have finished
this book three days ago

if Ahab had been
a trout fisherman.

Joanie, please, dear,
please get off the phone.

We have almost
potatoes more to peel.

Potato salad with
vinegar and onions.

Your father is
the only person I know

who doesn't like
the mayonnaise kind.

Yeah. I'll be with you
in a sec, Mom.

I know Jenny Piccalo's
going steady.

That's old news.
But you know what I heard?

I heard she had to go steady.

- Yes.
- Joanie,

I gave the vet this number
and I'm expecting a call.

Now, you've been
on there for ten minutes.

Will you get off?
Please, get off.

Hey, what are you,
the timekeeper?

Yeah, it's him.

Yeah, dumb as ever.

L-I'll call you back later.

Boy, you know,
I wish I had my own phone.

I have to call Binky Hodges.

Well, write him a whale.

Uh, a letter.
Write him a letter.

Oh, good, good. I'll call him
and get his address.

- Brothers.
-(chuckles)

- Yuck.
-(mocking laugh)

Did they call?

Oh, no. Not yet, Fonz.

Well, it's almost picnic day.

How's the potato salad coming?

Howard, why don't we forget
about the potato salad

and pray for rain?

No.

Well, then, give me a hand,
please, dear. Come on.

(phone rings)

All right, just as soon
as I answer this call.

- What?
- Hello?

Oh, it's-it's the lab
with the results of my physical.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

Yeah, blood pressure normal.
Do you hear that, Marion?

Not surprised.

Yeah. I got a strong heart, too.

No worms. No worms?

Oh, Dad, um, I'm sure
that's the vet

with the results
of Spunky's tests.

It was just the vet.

All right, Doc, hello.

This is Spunky's father.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, ho-hold on a minute.
Hold on a minute.

He says that the tests
are negative.

- You know, that...
that he's all right. -Aw. -Aw.

- He's all right.
- RICHIE: Oh, good, oh, good.

Yeah?

What?

Whoa.

He just said, "But..."

I can't handle "buts."

Uh, hello?

- Uh-huh.
- Uh-huh?

- Oh...
- Oh...?

Right, well, uh,
thank you, Doctor.

Yeah.

- Well...
- Well?

Well, uh, he says that Spunky
is fine physically.

- Hey, Spunky's fine physically.
- RICHIE: Yeah.

His problem is, uh... mental.

Are you telling me
that Spunky is nutso?

(Spunky whimpers)

All right, Fonz, now-now, let's
just examine the situation.

Now, physically,
Spunky is just fine,

but, uh, mentally, I guess
he's a little depressed.

Let's not talk like that
in front of, uh...

Oh, f-fine. Well, I won't
use his name anymore.

Yeah, okay.

Now, uh, what would we do
if, uh, he were human?

Hey, that's easy.

I'd fix him up
with the Hooper triplets.

They could cheer up a statue.

(groans)

Now, Fonz, you see,
this depression--

that's just a symptom.

You got to find out
what's causing the symptom

before you can cure it.

I understand what you're saying.
I get your drift.

(sighs)

What you're saying is...

we got to delve into this little
fella's mind here, right?

-(knocking)
- FONZIE: Enter.

- Hey, Fonz, Rich.
- RICHIE: Oh, hi, guys.

- Hey, Rich.
- Hey, Ralph.

Hey, Fonz, we came
to cheer up Spunky.

Hey, thanks, guys.

Hi, Spunky.
Look who came to meet you.

It's Mr. Kitty Kat!

(high-pitched):
Meow.

Hi, Spunky, you old dog, you...

Will you get that
crazy thing out of here!

Now, Webber,
will you talk to him?

You study that psychology
or something like that, right?

- Right.
- B-But, Fonz, my neighbor's dog

howled at the mitten.

Dog? Howled?

- I even got it in canine.
- Barely.

I was a big hit
at the pet store.

Webber, sit down.
Talk to him, will you?

- Just talk to him.
- Right. R-Right, Fonz.

Wait, uh, Fonz, I'm not sure

that Potsie is,
you know, really...

qualified to help your dog.

Look, don't worry,
I came prepared, Fonz.

Look, I brought over the
ink blots from psychology class.

Who cares if your pen leaked?

- Huh? What are you talking...?
- No, Fonz,

that's the, uh...
that's the Rorschach test.

That's not true.

Spunky's a cooker spaniel,
not a Rorschach.

No, it's... it's
a psychological examination.

You see, you show
a subject the cards,

and then you see how
they answer the questions.

- I knew that. -Works great
with subjects who can talk.

Oh, Spunky doesn't have to talk.

You can tell by his reactions.

Oh, come on,
you got to be kidding.

- No. -FONZIE: Hold it, hold it.
Webber sounds almost

like he's making sense here.
Where'd you read this stuff?

Oh, I didn't read it--
I heard about it

from this lady psychologist
who was lecturing at college.

Her name is Dr. Joyce Brothers.

A psychologist for dogs?

All right, now, uh,

it sounds like
it could work, you know.

Wait a minute, Fonz,
you don't think

a psychologist is gonna be able
to help your dog, do you?

Well, it's better than
showing my dog dirty pictures.

Dirty pictures?

What's dirty about two spiders
hanging their laundry?

Two spiders hanging
their laundry?

Well, maybe they're ironing.

Hey, Malph, uh...

why don't you drop by
psychology class tomorrow?

I'm sure we can use you
for an experiment.

Sure, I'd love to.

We got a gig tomorrow.

Will you guys cut it out!

Where can I find this lady?

Well, I'm assigned
to drive her to the airport.

Maybe I can get her to stop by
on her way to the plane.

I want to tell you something,
I want to tell you something,

me and the Spunk
are very grateful

for this big favor
you might do for us.

Aw, thanks, Fonz.

- It's not that big a favor.
- Oh.

Come on, Fonz, it's your dog.

All right, all right,
just a second.

That's enough.
Now, get out of here.

(indistinct chatter)

- All right, I'll see you.
- Bye, Fonz.

Thanks a lot for coming over.

- Hey, Spunkola...
-(whines)

I hope you cheer up.

II

(crickets chirping)

Oh, that's great news.
Thanks a lot.

Marion, that was the lab,

and they just gave me
a clean bill of health.

Oh, good.

I was so afraid you'd be
allergic to peeling potatoes.

Marion, I would
like to help you,

but I've got to get down
to the Leopard Lodge

-and pick up the trailer.
- What's the trailer for?

Well, I can't get
all this potato salad

in the trunk of my car.

Oh, no, Howard, you can't go
just yet, because...

- Why not?
- The psychologist is coming by

any minute, and Fonzie says
he wants everybody to be here.

Oh, Marion, but what am I gonna
do with all this potato salad?

Don't worry, dear,
I have it stored around.

RICHIE (calls):
Mom!

Mom!

Do you know
what's in the bathtub?

Oh, my dear! Did something
get in the potato salad?

Marion...

It's a cool place, Howard.

Well, here's your
potato salad back, Mom.

Mrs. Cleaver
was already in the tub.

How many houses
in the neighborhood

did you hit, Marion?

Well, there's Mrs...

- Oh, never mind!
- Never mind, never mind.

Oh, here, dear, I'll help you.

RICHIE:
Oh, hi, Fonz.

Hey, uh,
how's Spunky doing, huh?

Oh, he's the same.

I'm really counting
on that psychiatrist chick

-to help me out.
- Oh. I don't know, uh, Fonzie,

I'm not so sure
about that woman.

I mean, animal psychology...

Hey, listen, the woman's
got to be legit.

Oh, it's true, Howard--
the college hired her.

Eh, good.
If she doesn't work out,

we can always use
the track coach, hmm?

-(doorbell rings) -MARION:
Oh, there she is, there she is.

- HOWARD: I'll get it.
- All right, dear.

HOWARD:
Oh, hello.

(indistinct chatter)

HOWARD:
How do you do?

This is our daughter.

Everybody,
this is Dr. Joyce Brothers.

- How do you do?
- Oh, it's so nice to meet you.

- Come in, please.
- Please come in.

I just want to say,
on behalf of me and the Spunk,

I think it's fabamundo that
you came here to help us out.

Oh, it's no trouble at all.

(Spunky whines)

Are you the boy who saw
spiders hanging laundry?

Oh, no, no, that wasn't me.

That was, uh... my friend
with the cat on his hand.

FONZIE: Oh, come on, Doc,
what about my dog here?

- Yes, of course.
- What about Spunky?

Everybody,
won't you please sit down?

- Oh. -Oh, sure.
- Well, fine.

POTSIE:
Here you go, Mrs. C.

- Oh, thank you, Warren.
- BROTHERS: Now, about the dog.

Various studies have shown

that many animals are treated
as actual family members.

For this reason, the added
responsibility given the pet

has made him assimilate
various and sundry

h*m* sapiens
traits and neuroses.

Hey, those are
my thoughts exactly.

Uh, what's-what's that mean?

It means you have
a very disturbed little doggie,

and it's possible that
one of you here is responsible.

(musical sting plays)

Oh, come on, you're talking
to us as if we were suspects.

Well, Doc, uh...

it's got to be my f-f-faul...

I mean, I-I'm
the doggie's master.

I-I-I'm so sorry there, Spunky.

- RICHIE: No!
-(musical sting plays)

No, it isn't.

It's my fault.

See, I-l used to play catch
with Spunky.

Every day, we'd go
into the side yard

and we'd have a friendly
little game of catch.

But now that I'm in college,
I haven't been doing it.

I've been rejecting
that little dog.

- MARION: No!
-(musical sting plays)

Don't take the blame
for me, Richard.

It was the other morning,
Spunky came downstairs

and I was upset, and I just...
just shut the door in his face.

Oh, I could just k*ll myself.

- JOANIE: It's me! I took the dog
-(musical sting plays)

for a walk the other day,
and I lost his...

- HOWARD: His what?
- His squeaky little toy.

POTSIE:
It's me!

-(musical sting plays)
- I ate his chopped liver cake.

Potsie, will you sit down!

He was depressed
before the cake.

Oh, thanks, Fonz.

(several talking at once)

HOWARD:
Hold it.

Hold it!
Now, just stop all of this, huh?

Do you have
a confession to make?

Me? No. Nothing.

Why? Do I look like a suspect?

No, but...

do you always wear
that silly hat?

I'm a Leopard.

Sorry, I'm only here
for the dog.

All of these confessions are

very interesting, but I
don't think the environment

is the problem.

Well, is that bad?

Well, I don't know.

It's possible that
your little animal friend

is a victim of urban blight.

What... exactly is urban blight?

Pollution, noise, cars,

the hustle and bustle
of city life.

I recommend that your dog
be relieved of his misery.

Heyyy!

Nobody's gonna put
my dog's lights out.

- No, he's a terrific dog!
-(overlapping chatter)

You can't do that.
You can't do that.

-(Brothers whistles)
-(talking stops)

No, you don't understand.
I just mean that

he ought to go
to the country for a while.

Oh, you mean like...
like a farm.

Yes, exactly.

Clean air, hills to romp on,

clover to roll in.

RICHIE:
Uh, ma'am,

uh, where are we
gonna find a place

where he can, you know,
find hills and-and clover?

Mrs. Willis sends her poodle
to a doggie dude ranch.

Doggie dude ranch.

RICHIE (laughing):
Doggie dude ranch?

FONZIE: Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute, Cunningham.

Yeah, there's nothing
that's too good for my Spunky.

I think I'm gonna send him
to a doggie dude ranch, yeah.

Uh, Dr. Brothers,
your plane leaves in minutes.

Oh, we'd better get going.

I'm sure your dog
is going to be just fine.

Yeah, hey, Doc, let me
just tell you something, uh,

Spunky and I deeply appreciate
you came here, you know?

Well, I'm very glad
to meet all of you.

- Yes. We'll walk you to the
door. -You're such nice people.

- RICHIE: So long.
- JOANIE: See you later.

This is the nicest family.

I haven't yet figured out
about the potato salad,

but I Will.

- Bye, now. -Doctor?
Let me tell you about my father.

- Yeah.
- It all started

when I was born...

(Potsie continues indistinctly)

Yeah, and this is
his little hat, you know.

Yeah, a... a cowboy hat?

Well, what else is he gonna wear
at a doggie dude ranch?

Oh, no, it makes
good sense to me.

Oh, we used to play fetch-it
with this, you know?

RICHIE: And then Spunky used to
bring the ball back to you, huh?

Oh, no, no, he...
he'd run away with it,

you know, like he
was running away from me.

Then he'd drop it next
to the first available girl.

Then I'd... fetch it.

(laughs):
Oh.

Oh, his favorite
chewing slipper.

Oh, you know, my dad has
a pair just like that.

He's still got one.

Oh. What's that?

It's his little jacket
right here.

That's cute. It's, uh...
it's made out of leather.

FONZIE:
Oh, am I gonna miss him.

Yeah, but I... I figure you're
doing the right thing, Fonz.

Well, if I'm doing the right
thing, why does it hurt so much?

(scratching)

Who's that?

(scratching continues)

WOMAN (calls):
Peaches? Peaches!

Excuse me. Have you...

Oh, Peaches, there you are.
You bad girl!

I apologize for this.

She's been acting
very depressed lately,

and when I opened the door
to take her for a walk,

she ran away
and headed right up here.

I'm sorry we disturbed you.

Oh, hey, say no more.

- Hi.
- Hi.

My name's Eileen Wilson.

Uh, we just moved in next door.

Your dog Peaches
has been depressed lately?

It doesn't want to play,
no energy?

Oh. You see, his dog's
been having the same problem.

Well, look at them now.

RICHIE:
Yeah. I think what we got here

is a case of, uh, puppy love.

I don't think you're
gonna have to take Spunky

to any doggie dude ranch now.

Hey, correctomundo.

However, I got
a better suggestion.

Peaches and Spunky got to see
a lot more of each other.

Oh, well, I never
let Peaches out alone.

- I'm always with her.
- I was counting on that.

Let me ask you a question.

Your dog ever
dig up a bone up there

at, uh, Inspiration Point?

No. But it sounds like fun.

- Hey, you ain't whistling Dixie.
- Come on.

Oh, no, I've got
to finish my book report.

I can't go up there with you.
It's due tomorrow. I...

Not you, Red.

The dogs.

Huh?
All right, come on, let's go.

- All right, all right, come on.
- Here we go.

Oh, wait for me down at
the bottom of the stairs, huh?

Whoa.

MARION: "Make potato salad
with vinegar and onions.

It's my favorite kind."

It's too bad it wasn't
anybody else's favorite, Howard.

So we had a little
potato salad left over.

Not just a little, Howard.

- Oh...
-(Marion groans)

There was a lot!

And I'm not taking
leftover potato salad sandwiches

to school tomorrow.

That's right, and don't try

-and pawn them off
on me, either. -Yeah.

All right,
so I made a mistake!

We should've had
the kind of potato salad

that has mayonnaise in it!

So I goofed! I'm sorry!

What do you want me
to do about it?

(Joanie chuckles)

ALL:
Sit in it!

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ Happy Days! ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin'
all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Share them with me I
- S Oh, baby I

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪