05x27 - Fonzie for the Defense

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend comes,
my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Share them with me I
- S Oh, baby a'

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and rolling
all week long ♪

(organ solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Share them with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Happy and free I
- S Oh, baby a'

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are yours ♪

♪ And mine, Happy Days! ♪

Happy Days is filmed
before a studio audience.

♪ I'm made in America ♪

♪ Made in America ♪

Man, we're in the sewer.

No, it's... look,
it's not that bad.

All we gotta do
is think of a song

for the fraternity song fest.

I got it, I got it.
Look, I'll go...

♪ By the light ♪

And you guys go...

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la. ♪

Pots, this is supposed
to be an act.

I want to do something funny,
not just go...

(mocking):
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la. ♪

All right,
you think of something.

No, no, we're all gonna
think of something.

And it better be good, because
we're representing ATO here.

How about
♪ Row, row, row your boat... ♪

How about
♪ Shut, shut, shut your face? ♪

Can you hum "Sit On It"?

Oh, come on, guys.

We're brothers. Fraternity.

- Let's go.
- All right.

(groaning):
All right.

Yeah.

Well, do you know who gets
the lemon phosphate?

No, but if you'll hum
a few bars, I can sing it.

(laughs)

Now, that's the kind
of stuff we need.

Humor, songs, patter.

- It's not funny.
- It is, too.

It's a lot better than
row, row, row your boat,

(mocking):
♪ La, la, la, la. ♪

You do "la, la, la" nice.

- Don't snow me, Pots. -What
do you mean don't snow me?

Hey, come on, guys!

We're all under a lot
of pressure here.

Now, let's not cr*ck.
-Okay, brothers?

Come on.

.Hey...
- Hey, / -

(speaking indistinctly)

Okay, everybody
give me your attention!

Introducing the man who is
fighting the never-ending battle

for truth, justice
and the American way!

Is Superman here?

"Is Superman here?"

Better.

The Fonz!

Hiya, Fonz.

All right, now, just
calm yourselves, girls.

Just calm yourselves.

I was just picked
to be on a jury, huh?

All right? Chachi, go ahead.

Due to the fact that the Fonz
has been picked for jury duty,

he will not be available

for any daytime dates
for a while.

(girls groaning)

Hey, cool it, girls; cool it.

I don't want to hear
any kicking of feet.

I don't want
to hear any bad-mouthing

of the judicial system.

I'm just doing
my civic responsibility.

Mr. Arcola?

All right, girls, gather around.

All girls having
a date with the Fonz

that have cancelled,
will get rain checks.

RICHIE:
The girls get rain checks, Fonz?

Yeah.
Maybe it's more, more democratic

if I take them all out together.

I think the rain checks
are more democratic.

You think so? Thanks a lot, Al.

I'll tell you something.

This is my first time on a jury
and I happen to be

-(sing-songy): nervous.
- Ah.

I was nervous the first time
I was on jury duty, too.

What happened?

Well, it was
an open and shut case.

We sent this guy
to prison for years.

That was back in .

He's out!

Clarence!

Did you see anybody
suspicious around?

You know something?

Your dad is serving the country
by being on myjury,

- He was just picked today.
- Oh, yeah?

He's got
this paint sale tomorrow.

And he was hoping
that they'd let him off.

Well, I'll tell you something.
He mentioned that to the judge.

Now, by the way, what does, uh,
"in contempt of court" mean?

It means he's gonna be
on the jury.

Yeah, that's cool.

Oh look, Fonz,
we're very excited

about your-your being
picked and everything,

- That's nice. -but we gotta
come up with a song.

We got this song festival,
and we need one.

Well, uh,
what's your favorite song?

"America the Beautiful."

MARION: Hold it
right there, young lady.

You're not leaving
without breakfast.

Oh, but, Mom, I have to meet...

Morning kiss.

But, Mom, I have to meet
Jenny at the library.

Oh, you studying for a test?

No, we're studying hunks.
(QiQQHES)

Well, you can't go hunk hunting
on an empty stomach.

- Sit down.
- I'm late.

Okay, all right.

♪ We're three caballeros ♪

♪ Three gay caballeros ♪

♪ They say we are
birds of a feather ♪

♪ Hup, hup, ho! ♪

How about that?

Great. Breakfast comes
with a floor show now.

- Well...
- Now, Richard,

would you like me
to fix you some eggs?

Well, no, no, I don't have time.

Potsie, Ralph and I
have to rehearse

for this fraternity
song festival

and that's why I'm doing
the-the caballero song...

- Oh.
- ♪ We're three... ♪

(doorbell rings)

Oh, I'll get it, I'll get it.

It's probably
Ted Mack for Richie.

RICHIE:
Hey, you know something, Mom?

(mocking):
You know something, Mom?

Hi, Blue Eyes.

I'm delivering a kiss-a-gram
for Joanie Cunningham.

(laughs)

Stamp it "return to sender."

Aw, Chachi, can't you be subtle?

Carrying your own blanket?

It's not a blanket.

It's a serape.

I brought it for your brother.

Oh.

- Hey, Rich, here it is.
- Oh, Chachi, good.

- Here, try it on.
- All right, here. Hey, good.

- There you go.
- ♪ We're three caballeros... ♪

What is this?

It's a... it's a parrot.

No, I can see that,
but what is it?

It adds a little class.

Yeah, and they're gonna need
all the class they can get.

Don't you have to go to school?

Oh, right! Good point.

- MARION: Joanie?
- I'm eating my toast.

Joanie!

She didn't even touch this.

Oh!

Oh, Richard.

Criminetly, dear.

Well, I'll see you, everybody.

I gotta go
to the library and study.

Hunks?

Hunkettes.

Good morning, Richard.

Hi, Dad.

Where did you get that?

Oh, well it, uh,
it came with the parrot.

(laughs)
It came... with...

No, we're doing this-this act,
"The Three Caballeros"

for the fraternity
song festival.

Oh, are parents invited?

- No.
- Good.

Fonzie here yet?

We have to report for jury duty
in half an hour.

Good, you'll have time
for a nice healthy breakfast.

No, just coffee, Marion.

I want to go over that list
of instructions

I gave you
for the, uh, paint sale.

Oh, Howard, forget this list.

I can't read your writing.

You mean to tell me you were
going to open up the store

without checking that list?!

Oh, Dad, take it easy.

Mom's gonna do just fine.

I don't need
any business advice from someone

who carries a toy parrot
on his shoulder.

Well, on that cheerful note,

I'm gonna go.

Adios, amigos.

(squawks twice)

- He's so funny.
- Oh.

Hey, the very best
of good mornings, Mrs. C.

How you doing?

How are you,
fellow member of the jury?

I want to tell you something,
I want to tell you something.

I want, I want
all your attention

right here
on myjudicial attire.

Oh, Arthur,

you look very nice.

(laughs)

Hey, thanks a lot.
I hope I don't look too nice.

'Cause I don't want the judge
to mistake me for a lawyer,

You know? Hey.

Hey, since we're both going
to the courthouse,

how about if I give you a ride
on my motorcycle?

- No thanks, Fonz. -All right,
I promise, no wheelies.

No, I'd just
as soon take my car.

All right, then forget
about style, huh?

Mrs. C!

Where were you on the evening
of October ?

The whole truth, and nothing
but the truth, huh?

Hey, I got this down.
This case is closed.

Whoa!

(gavel banging)

Members of the jury, you've
heard both the prosecution

and the defense
present their cases.

And now, based on that evidence,

it is time
for you to deliberate.

- Why even bother?
-(gavel bangs)

Will the defendant
please come to order?

Maybe you'll get order,
but you won't get justice.

Now, I didn't take her purse--
I keep telling you,

-you got the wrong man.
-(gavel bangs)

The bailiff will remove the
defendant from the courtroom.

Look, I keep telling you,
a guy on a motorcycle

dropped the purse
as he drove by me.

Oh, why bother? You guys
got it in for cyclists, anyway.

Aw, you want to take me out now?

Those people really know
how to put on a show, huh?

(gavel bangs)

Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,

your decision should be based
solely upon the evidence.

Please disregard
the defendant's remarks.

Because of circumstances
beyond our control,

the jury room is not available.

So you'll have to remain here
to deliberate.

This shouldn't take long.

At this time,
the court will be in recess

until such a time as the jury
finds the defendant,

Jason Davis,
guilty or not guilty

beyond any reasonable doubt.

The bailiff
will clear the courtroom,

except for the jury.

(bangs gavel)

Hey.

- Eh!
- Oh...

Five years I wanted
to get on a jury,

and I get
a purse-snatching case.

I wanted to do
the death penalty.

I wanted fun.

Well, we're real sorry
that we're spoiling your fun.

A man's freedom
is on the line here.

Aw, forget it. Let's get
this whole thing over with, huh?

- Yeah...
- It's almost : .

Mr. Foreman, could you read
the votes so we can go home?

We all know he's guilty.

(low, indistinct chatter)

What we have here
are guilties...

and one "not-guilty-a-mundo."

All right, who is the weirdo

who voted
"not-guilty-a-mundo," huh?

Aaayyhg

HOWARD:
There will be...

there will be
no name-calling on myjury.

Now, look...

I mean, it appears to me that
you're not too worried about

whether you send an innocent man
to jail or not, right?

You all want to get home to your
middle-class homes so quickly.

All right, but at least
let's go over the facts.

We all know the facts: the kid's
guilty; that's the facts.

(low, indistinct chatter)

Guilty is a verdict.

Guilty's is not a fact.

Huh? Huh?
(chuckles)

Look, I happen to think
that Mr. Davis is not guilty.

Mr. Davis?

Oh-ho, now I know
why you're fighting for him.

He's another one
of those bikers.

And none of you are any good.

Fonzie...

HOWARD:
Sit down, Burch.

Now, look, if there's
one member of this jury

who happens to think
that the defendant is innocent,

well, then he's got
a right to be heard.

Thanks a lot, Mr. C.

What's the big deal, Fonzie?
I mean... (speaks quietly)

Hey, look, it is just like
the defense lawyer said--

it is "circumventive" evidence.

- That's circumstantial evidence.
- Or whatever.

I got a gut feeling, Mr. C.

But it's not the same thing.

A gut feeling is a gut feeling.

It's the same one I had
when I was just thinking

about dating
the Hooper triplets.

I had two yesses and a maybe,
but I stuck it out.

- What happened?
- Later.

Oh.

Can we get on with this?

MALE JUROR:
Yeah.

All right.
You want jurisprudence?

I'll give you jurisprudence.

With a little mixture
of evidence, all right?

Now, look, the eyewitness

couldn't even give us
the license plate number.

She couldn't even tell you

what kind of bike
the man was riding.

She identified the man
by the helmet-- right here.

Exhibit A, all right?

Now, look, I want to try
a little experiment,

I'm going to put on
Exhibit A, all right?

Now, when the guy
was driving away,

he was in this position.

Tell me...

what color are my eyes?

But Fonzie,
we can't see your face.

Correct-a-mundo.

The eyewitness couldn't see
the man's face, either.

She identified the helmet.

I'm telling you,
Milwaukee is filled

with this kind of helmet.

Oh, yeah, but don't forget...

that guy was caught
two blocks away

going through
Mrs. Leary's purse.

And don't forget,
that guy said that he was

going through the purse
looking for identification.

They will say anything.

Now wait a minute, Burch.

The judge happened to say
"reasonable doubt,"

and it's quite obvious here

that Fonzie has
a reasonable doubt.

Correct-a-mundo.

Oh, "mundo" again.

Are you sure
you're an American, huh?

Right down to my red,
white and blue socks.

BURCH:
Look...

I say, let's stop fooling around

and string this guy...

No, I mean, let's get
this thing over with

so we can all go home, right?

- Yeah. -Yeah, let's go.
- Let's get out of here.

All right, all right.

It looks like you don't care--
that's fine.

Let's take another vote.

Good.

And if you all think

that Mr. Davis is guilty,
then, uh...

I'll vote the same way.

All right,
let's have a show of hands.

All those for guilty,
put 'em up.

What about you, Mr. Foreman?

- I vote not guilty.
- What?

Hey, I convinced you,
huh, Mr. C.?

No, you didn't convince me,
Fonzie.

I still think he's guilty.

But I'm not going
to put a man in jail

just because I'm
in a hurry to get home.

Hey, attaboy, Mr. C.

What color are your socks?

Hey, I-I'm doing
pretty good, huh?

- Wasn't I good today?
- Oh...

You were so good
we gotta go back tomorrow.

Try and figure out
what this thing is...

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey...
- Oh.

Can't I even talk to my wife?

Hey, the judge says we don't
discuss this case with nobody.

Oh, good,
you got a juicy trial.

Yes, we've got
a juicy trial, Marion,

and Fonzie here is the one...

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Mm-mm.

I tell you something, Mrs. C,

there is something about
this case that is bugging me.

I'm going down to the "liberry"
to study up on jurisprudence,

-you know.
- Uh-uh. -Uh-uh.

Hey, hey. The rule
in the "liberry" is silence.

Hey.

Well, how did
the paint sale go, huh?

Oh, the paint sale!
It was such fun.

Fun?!

Oh, it started slow,

and then I just did

the same thing
that the drugstore does.

I had a one-cent sale.

You had a one-cent sale?

Well, I wasn't sure the idea
would work at first,

but I just said,
"Marion, why not?"

And, Howard, you know what?

I sold out
your entire inventory.

You mean you sold half of
my inventory for a penny a can?

(chortling)

I can't believe this!

You drove me to bankruptcy
while I'm locked up

-in a courtroom trying to...
- Ah, ah, ah.

(sighs)

I'm broke, I can't talk--

what else can happen to me?

All right,
the Three Caballeros are ready!

That's what else could happen
to me!

JOANIE: Okay, boys, make it
good! We have an audience!

(Howard groans)

Ladies and gentlemen,

from Alpha Tau Omega,

the Three Caballeros!

(playing jaunty Latin intro)

-(shouting, yipping)
- Olé! Olé!

Pancho!

Fernando!

Uh...

- Pepe! -Pepe, Potsie!
- Oh, yeah! Right, right!

Let's go. guys!

♪ We're three caballeros ♪

♪ Three gay caballeros ♪

♪ They say we are birds
of a feather ♪

- RALPH: Olé!
- POTSIE: iArriba!

♪ We're happy amigos ♪

♪ No matter where he goes ♪

♪ The one, two and three goes ♪

♪ We're always together ♪

Howie. Arriba.

- Olé!
- Olé.

♪ We're three happy chappies ♪

♪ With snappy serapes ♪

♪ You'll find us
beneath our sombreros ♪

-(tri I I I ng)
- Olé. Arriba.

♪ We're brave and we'll say so ♪

♪ We're bright as a peso ♪

- ♪ Who says so? ♪
- ♪ We say so! ♪

♪ The three caballeros ♪

♪ iPor favor! ♪

Not bad, huh?

You know, the parrot
didn't sound half bad.

BURCH:
Aw, come on,

talk, talk, talk.

Another "not guilty-a-mundo."

Look, I don't care
about Mr. Fonzareeny.

Fonzarelli.

Whatever-arelli.

The guy is guilty.

No, he is not.

Fonzie, I've given you
every opportunity

to express your views.

Now, unfortunately,
your gut feelings of innocence

do not negate the facts
in this case.

What's "negate" mean?

"Negate" means "deny."

Hey, good word, good word.

Quiet.

Another good word.

Now, look, unless you come up
with some hard facts

to prove that the defendant
is innocent,

then I'm gonna have
to take another vote.

(Howard sighs)

All right.

All right,
let's take another vote.

All those who say
that the defendant is guilty,

raise your hands.

All right, let the record show

that we find that
the defendant is guilty...

Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Hold it, hold it, hold it!

Oh, here we go again.

No, wait a minute, please--
just wait a minute.

Look, it says right here
in the transcript,

Jason Davis was riding
a Graham Mark Two motorcycle

when he was picked up.

- We know that, Fonzie.
- That's right.

You know that,
but do you know, Mr. C.,

that the Graham Mark Two
is a very rare bike,

and it's only made in England?

That's another thing wrong
with him.

He don't even buy American.

Whoa.

Madam, would you
come here, please, huh?

Just step right over here,
help me out.

That's right.

And hold on to Exhibit B,
the handbag.

Okay, look.

Mrs. Leary is standing
in the parking lot,

holding her little handbag,
right?

Okay, now Jason supposedly
whips by and grabs the--

You're supposed to let go
of the purse, ma'am.

Oh.

Thanks so much.

Whips by, grabs the bag

and holds it up, right?

So?

Come here.

I hate it when people say,
(mocking tone): "So?"

All right...

Now, dig it; now, dig it--

this is the important part.

The criminal was supposed
to have had the handbag

in his left hand.

Well, naturally.

He had to accelerate the bike
with his right hand.

And there's the rub,
ladies and gentlemen.

The Graham Mark Two,
made in England,

has the accelerator
on the left-hand handlebar.

Now, how can Jason Davis

grab the bag, hold it up
in-in his left hand

and accelerate
with the same hand?

With two left hands? He can't.

I rest my case.

Thank you very much.

Let me see this.

That's what's been bugging me
the whole time, Mr. C.

You're right, Fonzie.

It says here that he held up
the purse in his left hand.

Right.
Now, due to the-the evidence

that I've exposed here
to you ladies and gentlemen,

it is impossible
for you to find

Jason Davis guilty.

HOWARD:
Well,

in light
of this new information,

I think we should take
another vote.

- FONZIE: Yeah.
- Hold it. Th-There's still

a little something wrong here.

Only for you.

Mr. Davis can't change
his color. Sorry.

HOWARD:
All right.

All those who vote that
the defendant is not guilty,

raise your hands.

We'll let the record show

that the defendant
is not guilty...

-a-mundo.
- Heyyy.

Do I know my jurisprudence
or do I know my jurisprudence?

Was I not great?

Well, you got him acquitted.

- You did fine, Fonzie.
- Yeah.

I had a great time, but I'm out.

Say, listen,
weren't you on the jury?

Hey, I really want to thank you.

I really want to thank you.

Mm!

Hey, I want
to thank you guys also.

You know, I didn't think
I had a chance in there.

Well, our court system seems
to work a lot better

when you look upon jury duty
as a privilege and not a chore.

- Hey, no objection there, Mr. C.
- Mm.

Oh, and speaking of chores,
I think I better get back

to the store.
I got to get Marion out of there

before I have to have
a going-out-of-business sale.

- I'll see you.
- See you later. -Take it easy.

- Say, you're a biker,
aren't you? -Yeah, that's right.

Want to make
something of it?

- No.
- Just kidding.

Let me ask you a question.

That beautiful bike
you got there, you ever race it?

Oh, yeah. I race that,
stock cars...

See, I got this dream
of being the first black driver

in the Indy .

I'll tell you something, man,
that would be a milestone.

- You tell it.
- I hope you make it.

- I will. I promise you.
- All right.

Hold up.
How'd you find such a rare bike?

How'd you get your hands
on that?

I stole it.

Whoa!

- I'm kidding.
- I knew that. I knew that.

What happened
to Richie's parrot?

Oh, brother. What a jerk.

And the goat?
(laughs)

Yeah.

I'll see you tomorrow, Jenny.

Thanks a lot.

Oh, brother.

(chuckles)

What happened, dear?

Well, the caballeros
were onstage singing,

and, uh...

Hey, Rich.

This parrot has seen
its last cr*cker.

Tell Mom about it.

It's really funny.
(laughs)

How was I supposed to know
that Pi Nu

had a live falcon
for a mascot?

Oh, that's terrible.

Well-well, how did you do
in the contest?

Only one group came in below us.

- MARION: Aw...
- Kappa Kappa Kappa.

They didn't show up.

But Jenny already told me
about that.

But did they get Ralph
out of the bass drum?

- Hi, sweetheart.
- Oh, Howard.

How did Richie do
in the contest?

He... was runner-up.

I don't know how.

Listen, I've been going over
the books down at the store,

and I can't for the life of me
figure out

how you turned a penny sale
into a profit.

Howard, it's simple.

It's like baked potatoes.

Baked potatoes?

Yes. When you eat
baked potatoes,

you're gonna need salt
and pepper and butter,

sour cream, chives...
and when you paint,

you're gonna need
turpentine, drop cloths,

brushes, buckets, rollers...

You make your money
on the chives and sour cream.

♪ These happy days are yours
and mine, Happy Days! ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray sky,
hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can hold me
when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and rollin'
all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- ♪ Happy and free ♪
- ♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

- I Share them with me I
- S Oh, baby a'

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪