03x03 - Tons of Fun

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Punky Brewster". Aired: September 16, 1984 to March 1986.*
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Follows Punky and her dog, Brandon who have been abandoned by her parents.
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03x03 - Tons of Fun

Post by bunniefuu »

[theme song]

♪ Maybe the world is blind

♪ Or just a little unkind

♪ Don't know

♪ Seems you can't be sure

♪ Of anything anymore

♪ Although

♪ You may be lonely

♪ And then one day
you're smilin' again ♪

♪ Every time I turn around

♪ I see the girl
who turns my world around ♪

♪ Standing there

♪ Every time I turn around

♪ Her spirit's lifting me
right off the ground ♪

♪ What's gonna be?

♪ Guess we'll just wait
and see ♪♪

Betty: Mm. Good.
- Mm.

That was the...

Boy, Brandon's cutting through
that pizza like a buzz saw.

Mario's makes it special
for him.

Half mushroom, half kibble.

It sure is taking Henry
a long time to get back.

Well, the airport's
clear across town.

Maybe he hit some traffic.

I wish he'd hurry up.

I can't wait to meet
my second cousin twice removed.

Where's she removed from?

Toledo.

[chuckles]

What's her name?

Louise.
Here's an old picture of her.

Hm.

Oh! She's a skinny little thing.

Hello!

- Hi!
- Hi!

Punky, this is your cousin,
Louise.

Hi. Nice to meet you, Louise.

Hey, nice to meet you, too.

I'm sorry we're late,
but her flight was delayed.

Oh.

Yeah, with me on the plane,
it could hardly take off.

It just bounced along
the freeway the whole way here.

- Really?
- I'm kidding!

[laughing]

Louise, this is
my best friend, Cherie.

Hi!

- I'm Cherie's grandma.
- Hi.

We certainly heard a lot
about you.

Well, there's a lot of me
to hear about.

[laughing]

Oh, Betty.

You know
how much I hate anchovies.

Oh, don't panic, Henry.

There's more pizza
in the kitchen.

And I ordered a salad for you.

Oh, thank you, my kind woman.

And for your service
to the crown,

I give you Australia.

Thank you, your weirdness.

[laughing]

Is this your first time
in Chicago, Louise?

- Uh-huh.
- What do you want to see first?

McDonald University.

I plan a major in French fries.
[chuckles]

You know, when Henry showed me
your picture, Louise,

I didn't think you'd be
so funny. You looked so serious.

- Yeah, and you were so skinny.
- Cherie.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to say
that you're--

Fat? Humongous?

Ready for statehood?

- Well...
- Hey, relax.

Some people have big noses,
some people have big ears.

I have a big mouth.

I have a big everything.

Come on, Cherie, let's go
and show Louise our tree house.

- Oh.
- You guys have a tree house?

- Yeah.
- Cool.

Wait a minute.

- What?
- How far away is it?

It's in the backyard.

In that case, I better take
a little something for the road.

Okay, let's go.

[chuckling]

[door shuts]

The girls
seem to be hitting it off.

Betty, you know how I hate
garbanzo beans.

Hm. Well, do like I do.

Just pretend
they're wet macadamia nuts.

[laughs]

Uh, Henry...

have you noticed
Louise looks a lot different

than her picture?

Well, maybe she's put on
a pound or two.

Perhaps, she's a little big
for her age. Heh-heh.

Well, she's big for my age.

Maybe you should talk to her
about it.

Me?

It's not my place to get

into weight discussions

with someone else's child.

But a problem like that
shouldn't be ignored.

Overweight children
can develop emotional scars.

What should I do?
Call her mother?

"Hello, who makes your
daughter's clothes? Goodyear?"

Now, Henry--

Betty, I know you mean well,

but I think you're overreacting.

It appears to me that Louise is
a happy, well-adjusted child.

- But, Henry--
- If you don't mind...

I'd like to eat my pizza.

Uh, uh, Henry.

Betty, the subject is closed.

Hm.

And what's this crunchy topping?

Kibble.

[no audio]

[sighs]

[Louise grunting]

Oh-oh, I'm stuck.

I'll help you.

[grunts]

Remind me to start carrying
a crowbar.

[laughs]

This is awesome.

Yoo-hoo, people.
Guess who's here?

- Hello, Margaux.
- Hello, Margaux.

Greetings, tree dwellers.

Margaux, who slimed you?

Tres amusant.

This happens to be a very old
family beauty secret.

It's an avocado mask.

Not bad.

I think it needs
a little bit more salsa.

Do I spy a stranger?

This is my cousin, Louise.

- Hi!
- So nice to meet you, Louise.

What's the weight capacity
in this tree house?

Margaux, exactly what does
that beauty mask do?

The Kramer magic mask
opens the skin pores,

draws out impurities and--

Makes you look like
Kermit the Frog.

Now close your eyes
and prepare to be dazzled.

Okay, open your eyes.

Oh, my gosh, Margaux,
your nose is gone!

[screams]

[laughing]

Once a peasant,
always a peasant.

Um, anybody want a Twinkie?

Not I. Those things
go straight to my hips.

Oh, I don't worry about that.
I can't find my hips.

[Louise chuckles]

How wonderful that you have
a sense of humor

about your disgusting obesity.

- Margaux, that's mean.
- Yeah.

Was I rude? Sorry.

But we are talking
about a very large person.

Hey, no problem, relax.

I feel right at home.

Look at this.

You even knew I was coming.
[laughing]

Forgive me, but don't you want
to do something about yourself?

There are doctors with machines

that can suck that fat
right out of you.

Leave her alone.
She's happy being fat.

"Happy being fat?"

That's a disgusting thought.

And everyone knows disgusting
thoughts can cause pimples.

- I better leave immediately.
- You better.

Go, go, go, go, go.

- Can you believe her?
- She sure is a trip.

Louise...

Don't let her get to you,
Louise.

Margaux's dream is to make
the whole world look like her.

Louise, are you okay?

Margaux's right.

I am disgusting.

- No, you're not. You're great.
- You're terrific.

I am fat.

I'm fat and I hate it.

[instrumental music]

- Louise, wait.
- Just leave me alone.

But we should talk about this.

There is nothing to talk about.

I mean, you guys are pretty.
I'm a planet.

But I thought being a planet
didn't bother you.

Cherie.

Well, she's always making jokes
about her weight.

That's because
if I don't make jokes,

someone else will.

Well, if you're really
this unhappy,

maybe you shouldn't eat so much.

Look, I love to eat,

but I also hate to be fat.

So I eat to get over feeling bad
about being fat,

but that only makes me fatter,

which makes me feel worse,
which makes me eat even more.

I'm so depressed.

I need a Twinkie.

No, you don't.

Punky, this problem
is bigger than me,

if that's possible.

You're going on a diet,
and I guarantee

you'll stick to it this time.

How do you know?

You won't be doing it alone.

- I won't?
- No.

You'll have a whole team
in your corner.

Henry, Mrs. Johnson,
Cherie and I

will all help you lose weight.
Right, Cherie?

- Right.
- Right.

Oh.

Punky: Hah,
don't forget Brandon.

Louise: Huh.

Okay, everybody,

tonight's
healthy, low-calorie dinner

starts with...

tossed green salad.

All: Mm.

Next we have...

no-fat cottage cheese.

All: Mm.

And for our delicious
main course...

mung bean casserole.

All: Mm.

Uh, I want to thank everybody
for helping me like this.

No problem, Louise.

We all need to exercise
and eat better foods.

You probably won't believe this,

but there was a time
when I had a weight problem.

Really?

It started in high school.

And I'm expectin' it to end
any day now.

[laughing]

Come on, everybody,
don't be shy. Dig in.

You first, Henry.

Very well.
[chuckles]

Mm...

Delicious mung.

Well, thank you, Henry.

Now, Louise,
this is just a start.

When you get home, you'll have
to keep on exercising

and watching what you eat.

Will anybody have room
for dessert?

[clamoring]

- Yes.
- Of course.

What is it, grandma?

- Diced soya cubes.
- Ugh.

[clamoring]

One, two, three, four,

leave the fat on the floor.

Five, six, seven, eight,

ugly fat is what we hate.

One, two, three--

- I'll get it!
- I'll get it!

- I'll get it!
- I'll get it!


[telephone ringing]

- Hi.
- Phew.

Oh, Mrs. Wopperman.

Yeah, uh-huh.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Wopperman.

Okay, Mrs. Wopperman.

Bye, Mrs. Wopperman.

Henry, Mrs. Wopperman says

her ceiling
just fell in her soup.

Oh, too bad. Oh.

We'll have to quit.

It's been six days.
It's time for the big weigh-in.

I've everyone's weight here
from last week.

Okay.

- Can I go first?
- Yeah.

- Great! You've lost two pounds!
- Yippee!

Henry: Yeah.
- Okay, Henry, you go next.

[groaning]

[groans]

Alright, you've lost

one and a half pounds,
Mr. Warnimont.

[chuckles]

Fine figure of a man.
[chuckles]

My turn.

- This I gotta see.
- Back off, Jack.

Way to go, grandma!

You've lost
two and a half pounds!

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

I lost a whole pound
more than you.

Well, the only reason
you lost more

is that your body is softer,
more flabby,

whereas mine is muscular.

Everyone knows it's more
difficult to lose muscle.

Especially that big one
between your ears.

Nice work, Brandon.
You lost a half a pound.

[barks]

Ooh. I've lost
one pound exactly.

Betty: Way to go, Cherie.
- Yeah.

Come on, Louise, it's your turn.

Scales and I
are natural enemies.

Not anymore.

Wait.

Well, how much did she lose?

According to this,

Louise has gained two pounds.

All: What?

That can't be right.

I don't understand this.

Well, now, everyone loses weight
at different rates.

That's right, there were
significant differences

between us.

Don't get discouraged, Louise.

All I'm gonna get is some sleep.

I'm exhausted.

Thanks, everybody.

[sighs]

- Goodnight.
Henry: Goodnight.

Betty: Goodnight.
Punky: Goodnight.

Heard of "Born To Be Wild?"

Guess, I was just born
to be wide.

[instrumental music]

[door opens]

[glasses clinking]

[thud]

[rustling]

[cutlery clanking]

[cutlery clanking]

Brandon,
what if it's a burglar?

Well, thanks a lot, Brandon.

Are you a dog or a mouse?

[squeaking]

Yeah!

Well, well, well.

This sure explains a lot.

What? What? Where am I?

Hey, where did all this food
come from?

Louise.

Oh, I've heard about this,
but I never thought

I'd be a victim.

Punky, I'm a sleep eater.

- A sleep eater?
- Yeah.

Can you believe I have been
eating like this in my sleep?

- No.
- No?

- No.
- Oh.

[sighs]
So maybe I've been cheating

just a little.

A little? It looks like
Thanksgiving in here.

We've been knocking ourselves
out for you,

exercising
and eating rabbit food.

And the whole time
you've been pigging out

like the circus fat lady.

You volunteered to help.
I never made any promises.

We thought you were serious
about wanting to lose weight.

I was serious, but I'm weak.

Seriously weak.

The only thing I can't resist
is temptation.

- Louise--
- Hey!

I don't need a lecture
from Ms. Perfect, okay?

- Louise, I--
- Get off my back, alright?

Goodnight.

Hold it.

Punky, it's easy for you.

You're thin, you're cute,
you're popular.

You don't know what it's like
to have real problems.

I've had problems.

I've had some dandies.

I'll tell you something.

I'd still have those problems

if I hadn't decided
to do something about them.

I had to find a way
to change things.

What way?

I use Punky power.

- What's that?
- It's a lot of things.

It's believing in myself,
it's never giving up,

it's faith that things
are gonna turn out okay...

but most of all,

it's knowing
that I can do anything I want...

if I really try.

But then,
I don't have Punky power.

No, you have Louise power.

You can use it
to get what you want.

Usually, I just sit on people
to get what I want.

[chuckles]

Great. More fat jokes.

I guess we're right back
where we started.

Listen, you go ahead
and stuff your face.

I'm going to bed. Goodnight.

[instrumental music]

Ah! Punky!

Yeah?

Maybe I do have Louise power.
[chuckles]

- Alright!
- Hm.

Saxophone. Eighteen points.

Wait a minute.
Saxophone only has one F.

- Are you sure?
- I think.

There. Look in that dictionary.

You'll both be surprised.

- Guess who's back in town.
- Who?

- Hi.
- Hi.

[chuckles]

I know what you're thinking.

It's been four months and I look
even more humongous than ever.

- Right?
- It did occur to me.

But you're forgetting
one important thing.

What's that?

- Louise power!
- Alright!

You did great!

[theme music]
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