03x04 - Divorce Anderson Style

[bunniefuu]

[theme song]

♪ Maybe the world is blind

♪ Or just a little unkind

♪ Don't know

♪ Seems you can't be sure

♪ Of anything anymore

♪ Although

♪ You may be lonely

♪ And then one day
you're smilin' again ♪

♪ Every time I turn around

♪ I see the girl
who turns my world around ♪

♪ Standing there

♪ Every time I turn around

♪ Her spirit's lifting me
right off the ground ♪

♪ What's gonna be?

♪ Guess we'll just wait
and see ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Punky, remind me never
to shop in that market again.

- It's an absolute madhouse.
- Yeah.

Can you believe that adults
were actually fighting

over a shopping cart?

She started it.

Look, she crushed my toe.

There should be a law.

Use spike heels, go to prison.

[toilet flushing]

There's someone in the bathroom.

It's, uh, probably just Brandon.

Brandon flushes?

Punky, go up to Mrs. Johnson's
apartment and call the police.

- Henry, I'm scared.
- Don't be.

[panting]
We've got to keep our calm.

The last thing we should do
is to panic.

- Hi!
- Ah!

- Ah!
- Ah!

Allen?

Those poppy seeds are rough.

What were you doing
in our bathroom?

Don't you think
that's kind of private?

How did you get in?

Through Punky's bedroom window.

You shouldn't leave it open.
You never know what'll crawl in.

Allen...

Allen!

Why are you here?

I just really enjoy
your company.

And we really enjoy
your company.

We enjoyed it
at breakfast yesterday,

at dinner last night,
at lunch the day before--

Oh, well,
don't count on me for tonight.

My mom says
I have to have dinner at home.

Oh.

We'll miss you.

Oh, sure would be nice

to have some watermelon
for dessert.

You can have one...

if you'll eat it at home.

I'm in no rush.

Just remind me to take it
when I leave.

Allen, why are you
always over here,

constantly,
all the time, forever?

- You mean, a lot?
- Yes.

Well...

[sighs]
to tell you the truth,

I'm at my wit's end.

That's a short trip.

[barks]

It's my parents,
they're fighting all the time.

That's why I've been over here
'cause I'm miserable at home.

Well, every relationship
has its ups and downs.

Yeah, even Henry and me.

I'm sure your parents
will work things out.

I don't know.

Things are really tense
around our house.

Any day now, I expect
one of them to say the D word.

- The D word?
- Divorce.

Oh.

Well, Allen,

I think you may be making
too much of this.

I've always thought
that your mother and your father

were pretty well matched.

No, my mom can take him.

I meant compatible.

You mean, like, burn up?

- No, that's combustible.
- Well, then, I'm lost.

I don't know what the heck
you're talkin' about.

We were talking
about your parents.

Oh, yeah. Well, they're arguing
all the time.

They never do anything together
anymore.

Well, we could have a barbeque
in our backyard.

If your parents have a good time
with good friends,

maybe they'll patch things up.

Here, Punky...
[clearing throat]

Please, Henry.

- Oh, alright.
- Great!

Gee! Thanks, guys.

- Bye!
- Oh, Allen.

- Yeah?
- I've changed my mind.

- I wanna keep my watermelon.
- Oh. Okay.

Oh, thanks.

[instrumental music]

And so I said to Andy here,
"Why, I don't believe

that Henry Warnimont
has ever tasted

one of my mock apple pies."

So quick like a bunny,
I made you one, Henry.

Ta-da!

Well, hey, Annie, how nice.
[chuckles]

It certainly looks
like the real thing.

Mm-hmm, and you can look
and look and look, look, look,

but you won't find
a single apple.

Amazing.

You'll think your taste buds
have gone fishing, Henry.

Not an apple in the pie,

yet you swear
you had a mouthful of pippins.

[laughing]

If you don't mind
my curiosity, honey,

why would one make
a mock apple pie

instead of a real apple pie?

Oh, it's the challenge.

Of course.

Are we really gonna eat outside?

Sure. Why not?

Well, what if a fly
lands on my hotdog?

Don't worry, we won't charge you
for the extra meat.

[laughing]

Hi, everybody.

- Hi, grandma.
- Hi, Mrs. Johnson.

Betty, you finally made it.

Lord, I'm b*at.

One more double shift
and I'll need a nurse myself.

[chuckles]

Betty, you remember
Allen's parents,

Andy and Annie Anderson?

- Absolutely.
- Here you go, Betty.

Medium rare.

Well, great. I didn't have time
to eat my lunch today.

I need food
like a dead man needs a coffin.

Aw. Oh, you poor dear.

Are-- are you sure you wouldn't
like to take a little nap?

No, all I need is a little
stimulating conversation.

- Uh-huh.
- So, Annie, what's new?

Ah, well, let's see.

Oh! Have you been to Doyle's
Lawn And Garden Emporium?

They've redone the whole place,
you know?

Really? You don't say.

Oh, my. Yes. It is a wonderment.

Do you know that they have moved
the manure and the mulch

right up front so you can see it
as you enter?

Well, how considerate.

Look, I'm actually
eating off a paper.

Well, this is a first for me,
you know?

And, hopefully, my last.

Come on, let's go and eat
in the tree house.

Yeah, that's a good idea.
Well, this is a fiasco.

You mean,
like, a Mexican holiday?

No, that is afiesta.

But the most fun

is the new Horticultural
High Jinks Bin.

It is just loaded,

loaded with-- with seed packets
with no labels.

You-- you don't know
what you're planting.

[snoring]

I love this yard, Henry.

It's a wonderment.

Well, it's all Betty's doing.

She's a real dynamo out here.

[snoring]

You care for a soft drink,
honey bear?

[chuckles]

Why, thank you, dimple buns.
[chuckles]

Care for a spike of lemon?

[gasps]
Oh. Well, what the heck?

We're among friends.

Looks like your parents
are getting along great.

Those aren't my parents.
It's an act.

Andy, Annie,

your Allen's quite a boy.

Yeah, we're sure proud
of our little Anderson.

Actually, I mentioned it
because he revealed to me

that, uh, he's a little upset
about the situation at home.

- Situation?
- At home?

Yeah, he mentioned that you two
have been arguing a lot,

not that
it's any of my business--

Say no more. I'll have a chat
with the little tyke.

We can't have him airing
our dirty laundry all over town.

Don't you dare browbeat my son.

You stay out of this,
honey bear.

[chuckles]

[sighs]

No, I will not, dimple buns.

Please, please.

Honey bear, uh,
dimple buns, uh...

There's no need for tension.

You see, you wear our problems
like a sign.

I have to apologize for Annie.

Oh, don't you dare apologize
for me.

You were the one
Ann Landers said was selfish!

Ann Landers?

So you're
Woebegone in the Windy City?

Now, those are my parents.

Can you imagine what it is like

living with a man who criticizes
every little thing you do?

Well, uh, I...

W-- what about
living with a woman

who has no concept of reality?

We're not just talking
mock apple pie.

We're talking mock conversation.

- Ah! Ah!
- Mock feelings.

- Mock whoopee.
- Oh!

What?

[Henry mumbles]

Listen, folks.

Let's look at it from Allen's
perspective for a moment.

When kids hear
their parents quarrel,

and it happens
in the best of marriages,

right away they start to panic.

They start worrying
about the D word.

The D word?

- Divorce.
- Oh. Heh-heh.

Well, I know that this

is the farthest thing
from your mind.

- No.
- But--

It isn't.

We decided yesterday
that we are getting a divorce.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Punky, have you tried
this mock apple pie?

Yup.

Mm. Ooh. Ew!

Sp-- spies should carry this
in case of capture.

Henry, I'm worried about Allen.

So am I.
He eats this pie regularly.

No, I mean,
you should have seen his face

when his parents said
they're getting a divorce.

- It really hurt him.
- Oh. I'm sure it did.

Henry, why do people
get divorced?

Oh, for a lot of reasons, Punky.

Each case is different.

It must be catching
'cause half the kids in my class

have divorced parents.

Hm.

Well, people fall in love,
they get married,

but marriage is a little bit
like a garden.

It takes a lot of hard work
to keep it growing.

Is the Andersons' marriage
filled with crabgrass?

Or maybe it just has
a few too many bugs in it.

But shouldn't they stay together
for Allen's sake?

[sighs]

It's a difficult decision.

There's an old saying.

"The only thing worse
than coming from a broken home

is living in one."

- Gotcha.
- Hm.

I just wish there was something
that I could do to help Allen.

There is.

You can keep on being his friend

and let him know that you're
available if he needs you.

Gotcha.
I'll tell him that tomorrow.

Good for you.

- Now you get some sleep.
- Goodnight, Henry.

Mwah.

- Goodnight, sweetheart.
- Love you.

Sweet dreams.

[instrumental music]

[dramatic music]

"Allen?"

- Allen?
- Yo!

- What are you doing up there?
- Come on up and find out.

What are you doing here?

I've decided to live here.

- I'm homesteading.
- In the tree house?

Don't worry, it's all legal.
That's a -year lease.

- All you have to do is sign it.
- I'm not signing this.

I know you're worried
about the rent,

but I'm gonna be loaded.

I borrowed some books

and I figure,
if I study real hard,

someday I can be a darn good
toll-booth collector.

Allen, I know you're upset
about your parents' divorce.

Really hurts.

Last night they sat me down
and explained

why they're busting up.

They said it was like
the Titanic.

- The Titanic?
- Yeah.

They thought their marriage
was unsinkable...

but then they hit an iceberg.

Now they're in
separate lifeboats.

Well, what about you?

[sighs]
I feel like I'm going down

with the ship.

I wish I could help.

You haven't heard
the worst part, Punky.

My mom says I have to move
to Kansas with her.

You're moving away?

Not on your life!

I told her she can't expect me
to leave all my friends.

I'm staying here.

[chuckles]

- Don King?
- He is my idol.

Look, Allen, I know
moving to a new city isn't easy,

but you might like it
after a while.

I won't ever like it...

'cause I'm not going.

I'm gonna stay right here
in this tree house.

I'll be like you were, Punky,
on my own.

You know what the great thing
is about being on your own?

What?

Nothing.

It sounds like fun,
but it isn't.

What's it like?

It's, uh,
feeling lonely, scared...

wondering what's gonna happen
to you next.

And even if something good
does happen...

there's no one with you
to share it with.

Well, you had Brandon.
And I got my sea monkeys.

They're good company.

Especially, Guido here.

But they're not people.

Finding Henry
was the luckiest thing

that ever happened to me.

I bet, a new life with your mom
in Kansas would be a lot better

than living alone
in this tree house.

[sighs]

But I don't know anybody
in Kansas.

What if I never make
any friends?

Why should you have trouble
making friends?

Okay, maybe you will...

at first.

I'll make you a deal.

If you never make any friends
in Kansas...

you can come back
and live in this tree house...

rent-free.

Punky, Punky, are you up there?

Yeah, Henry. What's up?

Have you seen Allen?
His mother just called.

She's worried about him.

And they're going to be late
for the airport.

Yeah. I'm here, Mr. Warnimont.
I'll be right down.

[instrumental music]

Well, so long, Mrs. Johnson.

You're a swell cook
and a fine figure of a woman.

Well, thank you , Allen.

You take care of yourself now,
you hear, honey?

- Bye, Cherie.
- Bye, Allen.

Remember when we used to have
a crush on each other?

Yeah.

[sighs]
I'm sure glad that's over with.

Me, too.

Oh.

Here, I want you to have
my lucky quarter.

- I've been saving it for years.
- Thanks, Cherie.

I'll think of you
when I spend it.

- Put 'er there, buddy!
- Good luck, Allen.

- It was nice knowing you, sir.
- Hm.

Thanks to you,
I know how to stretch a buck

from here to eternity.

[chuckling]

Allen, you could pay me
no greater compliment.

Hm. I guess
this is goodbye, Punky.

- I guess so.
- Thanks for everything.

There's no reason to thank me.

Yes, there is.

I never told you this
before, but...

Well...

sometimes the other kids used
to treat me like I was a nerd,

but not you,
you always acted like

you really wanted
to be my friend.

I am your friend.

And I always will be.

[instrumental music]

I'm gonna miss you.

[sobbing]
I'm gonna miss you, too.

[sobbing]

[sobbing]

- Bye, everybody.
- Bye, Allen.

[squealing]

[sobbing]

[theme music]