03x06 - Hands Across the Halls

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Punky Brewster". Aired: September 16, 1984 to March 1986.*
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Follows Punky and her dog, Brandon who have been abandoned by her parents.
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03x06 - Hands Across the Halls

Post by bunniefuu »

[theme song]

♪ Maybe the world is blind

♪ Or just a little unkind

♪ Don't know

♪ Seems you can't be sure

♪ Of anything anymore

♪ Although

♪ You may be lonely

♪ And then one day
you're smilin' again ♪

♪ Every time I turn around

♪ I see the girl
who turns my world around ♪

♪ Standing there

♪ Every time I turn around

♪ Her spirit's lifting me
right off the ground ♪

♪ What's gonna be?

♪ Guess we'll just wait
and see ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Man on TV: Welcome
to "Lifestyles Of Pets

Of The Rich And Famous."

Tonight, we'll visit
with Calvin Klein's

pampered pussycat, Max.

Here's Max catnapping

alongside his million-dollar
canary-shaped swimming pool.

Oh, and Max has his own safe

where he keeps all his diamond
leashes and mouse-skin rugs.

[barks]

I think Brandon's jealous.
He wants a diamond leash.

Well, Brandon, you can have one.

[barks]

As soon as I get my Maserati.

Man on TV: Tonight,
Max is hosting a gala gathering

for of his closest
four-legged friends.

[barks]

You're right, Brandon.

It is a shallow way to live.

Look, Brandon,
is that Joan Collins' dog?

'Cause if it is,
he got a face-lift.

"Blake, some day you'll come
crawling back to me."

[fire alarm ringing]

Fire alarm! Let's go!

[fire alarm ringing]

Oh, are you alright,
Mrs. Firesteen?

Oh, no. I'm fine. It's okay.

You know, there's no fire.
I just b*rned some toast.

- Oh, it's okay.
- It's only toast.

- It's only toast.
- Relax, everybody.

I better turn off
your fire alarm.

- Relax.
- Oh.

I'm really sorry
about all this.

Well, that's alright,
Mrs. Firesteen.

We're up every half hour
with the baby, anyway.

What do you mean, "We?"
[scoffs]

It's okay.
I burn things all the time.

- Aw.
- Yeah.

You should've seen
what happened to the pizza

she put in the toaster.

I'm still finding mozzarella
cheese on my Pop-Tarts.

[all laughing]

I might've known. Where there's
smoke, there's Firesteen.

Just back off, Mr. Frank.

Don't get your garters
all twisted.

My garters are my business,
Betty Johnson.

Well, I guess I better go on
and open some windows.

We'll help you.

How long are you gonna put up
with that woman?

She's a menace to everyone
in this building.

Well, we put up with you.

And you're a pain in the butt
to everyone in this building.

Yeah, well, I'm just exercising
my First Amendment right,

freedom of speech.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm exercising
my right to bare arms.

[grunts]

[laughing]

Oh, I'm afraid Mr. Frank
was pretty upset with me.

That's okay.
He always overreacts.

Last winter, I accidently
hit him with a snowball.

- He called the SWAT team.
- Oh.

Why don't I check out
your toaster?

No, the truth is, Henry,
I didn't burn any toast.

I overcooked my pajamas.

Well, you see,
I rinsed out my pajamas

and put them in the oven to dry.

I told the owners
not to raise the prices

on those washing machines.

Firesteen: Well,
it isn't the money.

It's the effort, you know,
it takes me forever

to walk down
to that laundry room.

But putting clothes to dry
in the oven is dangerous.

Ooh! Ah!
[mumbles]

Ah. Hm.

This, uh, material
is not self-basting.

You know,
I'm not usually forgetful

when I bake my pajamas,

but I was talking on the phone
to my son, Steven,

long-distance,
and I've lost track of the time.

- You want me to toss these?
- Yes.

And throw out
the fried socks, too.

Firesteen: Yeah.

Thank goodness,
there wasn't a fire.

You would've lost
all these neat, old pictures.

Yeah, you sure have
traveled a lot.

Yeah, well, in
when I got my pilot's license,

I-- I wanted to see the world.

I was an air-borne
globetrotter.

Gee, she played basketball, too.

Look, Cherie, here's a picture
of Mrs. Firesteen

and President Rosenfield.

Oh, that's Roosevelt, dear.

He's the one
that gave you a medal, right?

- Yeah.
- Wow, you got a medal?

Uh-huh.
[chuckles]

She was the first woman
to fly across the United States

north to south.

Oh, my goodness.

Ooh, there's so much dirt
on this picture,

you could land on it.

Mrs. Firesteen, there's
a light out in the kitchen.

- Where do you keep your bulbs?
- At Piggly Wiggly.

I haven't been able
to get to the store.

Nixon resigns?

?

These newspapers
are older than we are.

My dentures are older
than you are, honey.

We'll throw all these papers
away on our way out.

[sighs]
Isn't there anyone around here

who can help you out?

Well, my son used to,
but, uh, you know,

he moved to Philadelphia
a few months ago.

Well, without his help, things
must be difficult for you.

Yeah, and getting harder
all the time. Huh.

Aren't there any state programs
that can help you out?

Oh, I've looked into that,

but the public programs
have a waiting list

and the private programs
cost an arm and a leg.

That is expensive.

What about moving closer
to your son?

Oh, no way, no. I don't want
to be a burden on him.

I see.

Besides,
I couldn't take Philadelphia.

And that bimbo he married.

Well, Cherie and I can help you.

We'll take out your newspapers
and change your light bulbs.

Oh, thank you.
That's very sweet of you.

You know, you're just makin' it
harder for me to leave.

- Leave?
- Yeah.

I'm afraid Steven's right.
[sighs]

Right about what?

I'd be better off
in a nursing home.

[instrumental music]

[Firesteen sighs]

You know,
it's hard to figure out

which part of your life
you're gonna give away.

I'm sure you won't wanna
give away your wedding gown.

I already have given away
my wedding gown.

That's my parachute, honey.

- Wow!
- Wow!

Jumping out of a plane
must be scary.

It's not nearly as scary
as jumping into marriage.

[sighs]
But, uh, it worked out fine,

you know?

Albert and I celebrated
our th anniversary

in this apartment.

In fact, right up there

is the spot
where the champagne cork hit.

My grandma
bought champagne once.

The good stuff
with the twist cap.

Oh, the memories in this place.

[chuckles]
Oh.

You know, I have something
for you girls.

I'll hardly have any use
for them in the nursing home.

- Here.
- Wow, Cherie!

- And look at this.
- Oh, man, this is the raddest!

- Ah.
- I'll never take mine off.

Firesteen: Ah. Oh, there!
- Ah!

[giggling]

Oh, this is the greatest.

I'll never take mine off.

"Mad Dog Maude?"

Yeah, that's the name that
the other stunt pilots gave me

in the air show.
[chuckles]

"Flying Wildcats?"

Yeah, that was the name
of our flying troop.

That's a very special jacket,
Punky.

Yeah, only the best
and the bravest got one.

Wear it with pride, kid.

Yes, ma'am.

You know...

Henry told me
not to get all soft and mushy

about you leaving...

but... I'm really gonna
miss you a lot.

Me, too.

Oh, I'm gonna
miss you kids, too.

Oh-ho.

Mm. What's that good smell?

It sure isn't pajamas.

Butterscotch-macadamian
raisin bars

for my co-pilots.

- Mm, that's rad.
- Mm...

I bet
the people at the nursing home

are gonna love your cookies.

Ah, I'm afraid
my baking days are over.

- Why?
- I won't have my own kitchen.

Then how are you gonna eat?

Oh, well, they have
people there to cook for you.

- Anything you want?
Punky: Hm.

No. Of course,
there are choices, you know?

Stewed prunes, boiled prunes,
poached prunes.

- Yuck!
- Yuck!

Are you gonna have fun
at this place?

Well, I'll be fine

once I settle
into their routine.

Yet, uh, of course,
the worst part is

I'm going to have to find
a new home for... Rickenbacker.

- You can't take him with you?
- No, no.

They-- they don't allow pets,

but don't worry, I think...

You know, I think, uh...

I, I think
I've found a nice family

that will take him.

Uh, huh, I, uh...

Oh, I better
look at those cookies.

[instrumental music]

I'm really gonna miss her,
Punky.

No, you're not.

She's not leaving.

- What do you mean?
- She doesn't want to go.

We don't want her to go.
She's not going.

What can we do about it?

Plenty.

We're Flying Wildcats now.

The best and the bravest.
Don't give up, kid.

[upbeat music]

[vacuum cleaner whirring]

[grunts]

Ow!

Okay, I got pain.
There's pain here.

Ah!

Hit the floor.
I'll walk on your back.

[groans]

You are very lucky
that I have my fuzzies on.

Oh. I don't feel very lucky
right now.

[groaning]

- Does your back feel better?
- A little.

I just don't think
you're quite heavy enough. Ah.

- I'll go get Mrs. Johnson.
- No!

Uh, I wish I knew
a good acupuncturist.

Save your money, I'll go put on
your golf shoes.

No!

Hey, I have an idea.

[groans]
Get off my back.

I'm sorry, I won't make
anymore suggestions.

No, I mean, get off my back
so I can get up.

Oh.

Ah, I'll be fit as a fiddle

as soon as I get
a good night's sleep. Oh!

[bones cracking]

Ooh.

- Ah...
- Henry, can we talk?


Sure. What about? Ah.

- Mrs. Firesteen.
- Oh. Hm.

There's gotta be a way for her
to stay in her own apartment.

She shouldn't have to go
to the nursing home.

I was wondering, you think
she can move in with us?

[chuckling]
Punky, I don't think so.

You think "The Golden Girls"
would take her in?

Punky,
that's not the solution for her.

She's a very independent lady.

She doesn't want to live
with you, me or Bea Arthur.

Then what is the answer?
What can I do?

Sometimes
there's nothing you can do.

[sighs]
You definitely can't do anything

if you don't try.

Punky, in order
for Mrs. Firesteen

to stay in her apartment,
she'd need a lot of help.

Well, you, me, Cherie
and Mrs. Johnson can help her.

Punky, we're just a few people.

And there's lots of things
to do.

Well,
what if we were a lot of people

with just a few things to do?

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

Hello? Hello, everybody. Huh.

Hello, there.
Thank you all for coming.

Okay. How much?

How much do I thank you?

No. How much
is the rent increase?

There's no rent increase.

Then this meeting is over.

- Just cool your jets, Jack.
- That's Pete.

Well, park it, Pete.

Alright,
but let's make it quick.

I'm missing
"The Wally George Show."

All: Boo!

I'd like to call this meeting
to order.

And since it was Punky's idea,
I'll let her explain.

[sighs]

A friend of mine needs our help.

[indistinct chatter]

No, no, not me, Mrs. Firesteen.

I am out of here.

Mr. Frank,
if you want heat this winter,

you'll stay seated until I've
formally adjourned this meeting.

That's blackmail.

Well, it's less painful
than as*ault and battery.

Thank you.

Now, the chair,
once again recognizes Punky.

Thank you, chair.
[sighs]

Mrs. Firesteen has lived in this
building for a long, long time.

She's been a good friend
to everybody.

Yeah.

And now she needs a friend.

As you've probably heard,
she's moving to a nursing home.

Henry: Hm.

But what you don't know
is that she doesn't wanna go.

That she shouldn't have to.
Cherie, the chart.

[instrumental music]

♪ Da-da-da-da-daa ♪

Cherie: We figured out a way
for everyone to pitch in

and help Mrs. Firesteen
with her chores.

Each animal represents a tenant.

For example, Henry's the lion.

[Punky growling]

Punky: Cherie's the rabbit.

[indistinct chatter]

Uh, uh, uh, what am I?

Uh, you're the deer, grandma.

Oh...

Who's the dog? Mr. Frank?

No, that's Brandon.
He has a job, too.

[barks]

- Mr. Frank's the warthog.
- Oh.

This is ridiculous!
I'm not a warthog!

Uh, h-- he's right.

He's more like a vulture.

[laughs]

The point is,

I am not giving away
any of my valuable spare time

to babysit for somebody
I'm not even related to.

The chair recognizes
Beth Cromwell.

Thank you, Mr. Chairman.

I'd like to say
that I don't ordinarily agree

with Mr. Frank,
but he does have a point.

Kevin and I are just too busy
with the baby to spare the time.

It's only a few simple chores.

Don't tell me about chores.

I'm loaded down as it is.

Once every three months,

I've gotta take my father
to the doctor.

And you probably charge him
for gas.

Wouldn't you?

But if we don't help her,

then she has to move
to the nursing home.

It is better that way.

The woman is a danger to herself
and everyone in this building.

[indistinct chatter]

Well, Punky, it looks like

Mrs. Firesteen
will have to move, after all.

And, perhaps, some of you are
interested in seeing the person

who's interested
in taking over her apartment.

Sure. Why not? We could use
a new face around here.

Dad?

Darn, you recognized me.

What are you doing here?

Well, I'm getting to know
my new neighbors.

What?

Mr. Frank,
your father has kindly agreed

to take over my lease
so I can move.

Stop frowning, son.
Makes you look like a warthog.

[all laughing]

And look,
if I'm in the building,

you and I can spend
a lot more time together.

I can just stop down the hall

and tell you how much
you're messing up your life.

Mrs. Firesteen, you're moving?

But you love this building.

And we all love you.

Now, folks, isn't there
something we can do about this?

Man : Yeah, well...
- Cherie, the chart.

♪ Da-da-da-da-daa ♪

- Give me that.
- Hey!

Alright, there's the lion,
there's Bambi.

Alright, look.

It's only one hour a month.

An hour? Is that all?

We can spare that much time.

Sure, you can count
on the old warthog.

- Uh-huh?
- We can all pitch in.

Mrs. Firesteen, you're staying.

- Oh-ho-ho!
All: Oh!

Oh, thank you so much.

I'll drop this prune juice
off at Mrs. Firesteen's.

Uh, she gets the orange juice.

And prune juice is for me.

- Hi, Mrs. Cromwell.
- Hi.

- How is Oliver?
- Couldn't be better.

He loves staying
with Mrs. Firesteen.

It's worked out really well
for us.

We do her laundry
and she babysits.

Punky,
this was a wonderful idea.

Thanks.

Even Brandon has his part.
[chuckles]

Wouldn't it be great if people
in other buildings did this?

Sure would.
[chuckles]

Oh, Mr. Frank.
Can I give you a hand?

No, no, no, I got it. I got it.

Isn't that Mrs. Firesteen's TV?

Yeah, I had it repaired.

It's m*rder on my back,
but I'd do anything

to keep my father
out of this building.

Hello, son.

Dad! How nice to see you.

Yeah, sure.

What are you doing here?

Well, if you must know,

Maude and I
are gonna paint the town red.

[laughs]

That's a beautiful dress,
Mrs. Firesteen.

Oh, thanks. I made it
out of my old parachute.

- Let's go, Maudey.
- Heh-heh.

Have a good time, kids.

Oh, oh, by the way, Henry,
I'll need an extra key.

- Ooh!
- Dad!

Dad, wait!

Oh.

[groans]

There's pain here.

I got pain.

[theme music]
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